Member: Lovewholeself Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan Gender: Female Interests: Inspirational writing, research and reading on awakening based on where I'm guided--the fascinating synchronicities, creating and practicing the visualizations that have been coming through me for years, my Divine Partner/Council who are guiding and speaking louder and louder, exploring what's going on in the world related to awakening, dancing, sewing, traveling, experiencing the beauty and joy of my sexuality, working out via running outside and free weight body sculpting, chakra and aura clearing, dialoging and being with like-minded spirits, experiencing the love and joy of being an aunt with the 3 children in our family (my great nieces and nephew), experiencing myself with my sisters which is continuously and magically unfolding, opening up and living as fully alive expression
This blog expresses my daily experiences as an awakening being, possibly a Wanderer. It starts with what led me here to this community and continues with my experiences with you all. It also integrates my work as an energy healer in my practice I call Love Whole Self.
Fall, 2008 - April, 2009
Published by Lovewholeself on October 15, 2009 5:48pm. Category: Journal
Oct 12, 2009
Well, so much has been happening since I last wrote. Yet, I still need to get my notes and history that lead up to today down here so I capture/journal the sequence and most significant connections that led me to where I’m at now. I just fully solidified yesterday, I am a wanderer (actually, the language that resonates more with me is, “I’m a Lightworker, disguised as a human being.” I just announced it yesterday to a friend. It didn’t even feel weird or “special.” It just is what it is. Based on everything I’ve read and researched recently as well as the fact that I had a channeling session coming through me for the first time (also yesterday) it’s obvious I am connected to a group of ET beings, probably the Pleiades. I’ll get into the details of this conclusion in an entry at a later date (there’s so much to write but again I want to document what occurred since last year leading to today).
Re-watched Jessica Schaab youtube interview at www.projectcamelot.org this past weekend and still really resonates. What I remembered that was so hopeful at the time was her messages about how destructive forces on outside are a reflection of what’s going on inside, need to be aware of thoughts you’re projecting into the world. And the importance of loving yourself, like wounded inner children who need to be loved, and birthing a renewed child of Love. That we are light even in dark places—reinforcing encouragement to rise up to the darkness I was feeling defeated by.
When I watched it in April, the biggest impact it had was comfort and compassion for what I’d recently been through and her message rejuvenated my hope. I had felt depressed on and off since the fall, 2008, when our economic system took a big dive. Not only did I lose a lot of money on paper in 2008 but I didn’t have a whole lot of strong activity with current business. This has always been a susceptible topic for me to get hooked into negative energy.
At the same time last fall, I was introduced to the conspiracy of the Illuminati, David Icke and the “biggest secret” that we were being controlled by reptilians who were dumbing us down and feeding off of our fear and unresolved emotions. It was their goals to keep humankind at a lower vibrational frequency and keep themselves in control without our knowledge of any of their manipulations taking place. I started listening to Alex Jones’ radio for awhile. I could tell what they were saying was going on was true. But this was quite a lot to swallow, particularly of a negative nature. And what was I supposed to do with this knowledge? I felt powerless most of the time. My fear gauge was pretty high as I interpreted this “bad news” really getting the better of me and didn’t see/know about all the conscious love and light forces at work to protect us. Though I’d been involved in spiritual awareness for years, was actively meditating in a fashion influenced by Stephen Levine, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti and Nirmala, engaged in Sanaya Roman’s work channeled by Orin (particularly Soul Love and working with the 7 Divine Wills), I was not prepared, awake or strong enough to counter the negative forces “on my own.” Funny how I still felt “alone” in many ways even though I certainly got much comfort from my visualizations with Beings of Light, especially from Orin and the “Being of Love” suggested in Soul Love. I guess it was still more of a concept and not very grounded as “real.”
On top of this, I’d found out a friend was dying of pancreatic cancer. Jeff was a rare being in my life and one with whom I shared some of my most intimate awakening moments with, one of the few such companions since I’ve had trouble finding people I can go really deep with and who can meet me there.
The last biggy was I was about to turn 50, wasn’t too happy with my life, was prone to despair b/c I judged myself for all my failures and the things I’d dreamed of, had visions for many years ago, that never came to fruition. This was really the depth of what is often called a mid-life crisis but mine was about 10 years later than most. When I turned 40, it was joyful and didn’t really bother me at all. For some reason, 50 hit me so hard, like it was “official” now that I was “old.” Pretty soon, I told myself, you’re not going to be able to count on your good looks, great physical fitness and youthful self-image. These had been enjoyable props I’d turned to much of my life to feel good about myself. There was a grieving for the loss of youth. The ideals of “having my whole life ahead of me” were now behind me, etc. Things like that.
This all was the culmination of a low-grade depression that reared its head occasionally over the years. It was usually somewhat minor and never lasted for long. But on occasion, I would have thoughts of just wanting to chuck it. Life is too hard. I don’t want to be here. (see if I wrote about this somewhere else already). What was more significant than the occasional depression-like behavior was an accelerating resignation and cynicism that was developing in the background of my mind. Sometimes, it would be palpable. I was ashamed and embarrassed by this and would think, “I’ve always hated when people are cynical and resigned. Now, here I am doing it myself.” I felt powerless and cursed sometimes. And, when feeling like this, I’d often watch TV, veg out on couch, eat unhealthy snacks and sleep more than I needed (late mornings and naps during day). My favorite food indulgences were large quantities of Lay’s SC & O chips, pastries/pie and, since back in Michigan, Mackinaw Island Fudge ice cream. I’d sometimes even have some of all of these in one sitting. It’s no small miracle that my metabolism was high and I worked out a lot, so I never showed a lot of weight gain (though there was some—I now weigh more than I ever have but I look pretty fit and in shape for my age).
So, that takes us to April, 2009 and, where in my 1st post, I describe I was turning my life around. And indeed, this has happened big time. The progression was somewhat slow until 1st of Sep which, as I wrote already, was a pivotal point that led me here to this network. In my next entry, I’ll write more about what happened since Sep 1 and, hopefully, soon get caught up so I’m my entries are more current journal recaps.
By the way, it just came through me today, Oct 15, that my gift is channeling for self-awareness. Not only am I being guided to do this myself, and am demonstrating it in this blog, but it will be a process I coach my clients on. This occurred to me while listening to someone (can’t remember which person now) channeling the Pleiades who said that channeling for the sake of others will become less popular and people channeling for their own healing will be an increasing trend.
This is the letter I wrote in response to my resonance with the Special Meditation, Aug 4, 2009, by Carla that I read from the Yahoo Group post (Dimensional Shift).
From: email@example.com Subject: Re: Reading for Tues. Sept. 15, 2009 - Working With The Outer Catalyst To: Dimensionalshiftfirstname.lastname@example.org Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 6:01 AM
I just joined this group, read two readings, sought to find group replies but found none. I'm curious as to why none but . . . I'll let that go and say that I'm ecstatic to write reply to this reading. It struck me profoundly and was exactly answer to a catalyst in my thoughts lately.
That catalyst has been trying to come to peace with some seeming contradicitions in my pathway. One is that I'm a student of A Course in Miracles and know some "brothers" who are reflecting to me that going into emotions is not worthwhile because they're just illusions. Why feed illusions, emotions, the unreal? Why not focus time and energy on realizing Oneness, the real, only--this will take care of the dissolution of illusions/undoing of ego? In fact, one of my friends said, "You say you want to open your heart but the heart is just an illusion so why spend time there?"
On the other hand, I've been guided that it doesn't work for me to bypass emotions. My emotional self (something that doesn't really exist but it seems it does) has cried out for my attention over the years and finally, almost two years ago, I opened to it in a whole-hearted manner through a few teachings I immersed in. It has been beautiful and has affirmed that my life's work is to practice truly loving myself (and to be a facilitator in this way for others). When I got turned on to David Wilcock's website last week, immersed in it and most of the youtube videos, I've been getting many synchronistic clues to validate my life's work. So when I found your reading here in this online group today, I was humbled to my knees. This was another clue presenting what I needed to hear to clarify this contradiction. I will see how this unfolds in the days and weeks to come but it feels very supportive in what I need to pursue, act on, and bring to fruition in services to others for this time of intensifying "earthly" catalysts that we simpy can not intellectualize or "spiritualize" away.
Thank you again for this advice/validation via the reading!!! And if Carla or whoever wants to have dialogue along this line, I would most excitedly welcome it. I have some of Carla's talents and tendencies but my strength that is awakening more brightly is to be a loving, compassionate, merciful voice for the catalysts that result in human suffering. I've suffered in a few primary ways in this human life and, rather than judge that something is wrong with me, that I should be further along the spiritual path by now with all the years I've studied and meditated, I've finally been embracing that my suffering has been a gift. This channeled reading validated my growing perspective and understanding of this gift and the work I'm here to do.
Well, I guess best place to start is with how I came to this website. In early September, 2009, I watched a video on www.projectcamelot.org with Pete Peterson. David Wilcock (DW) was a guest. I never heard of DW and wasn't too impressed. Something, however, led me to his website. I was immediately immersed in much of interest reading some of his channeling journal from beginning. The more I read, the more it resonated a lot. I couldn't stop reading.
This led me to read his biography, WANDERER AWAKENING (WA). While I was reading about the synchronicities and dreams in his earlier life, I was lifted, energized. I could relate even though my path hadn't been so fantastic. I'd experienced many times where I was clearly guided, though not a lot lately. But the more I read the more my own daily experiences took on a whole new life. So many synchronicities were arising for me in my daily affairs. I absolutely knew there was a Higher Force guiding me along, even saying "Welcome. We're so glad you're back."
Meanwhile, two trends began about 5 months ago in April, 2009. One was I began watching videos from www.projectcamelot.org. The one that struck me the most was from Jessica Schaab. This just rocked my world. One of the things about her, which I’d never come across, was that she was not a human soul but had incarnated in a human body at this time to do specific work she’s guided to do by her channeled Source. I totally immersed in her stuff for a few weeks and it was undeniably true.
Also, I had become active in A Course in Miracles (ACIM) once again. I first got involved with that in the early 90s. Over 15 years, on and off with this thought system as a guide, I did the workbook lessons 3 times and read the Text nearly twice (neither of these are no small accomplishment). I got drawn back into ACIM by “accidentally” and spontaneously being guided to re-read Gary Renard’s book, DISAPPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSE, which has much material from two Ascended Masters who came to him (Arten and Pursah). I had read this about seven years ago and loved it but got drawn to other things and never immersed myself a lot in it. This second reading in April-May, 2009, was profound.
I bring this up primarily because it got me more into practicing "true forgiveness" as described in Gary Renard's DISAPPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSE (DU). This involves recognizing we're in a dream, everything happening in "the world" is a projection of our unconscious guilt and, thirdly, to turn over our issues/blocks to Holy Spirit (trust in and choose It's strength). I was in a more committed stage than ever of "partnering" with Holy Spirit (HS) since I had just turned 50, and made a definite claim to the Universe "OK, I now know this is no longer ‘my’ life. This life is not about me. I am here to be of service. Show me where you would have me go, who I need to be with, doing and saying what to whom." I was doing daily practices around forgiveness and partnering with HS.
The presence of a Jesus-looking entity (whom I call my Divine Partner-DP) that came to me back in 1987 started to feel more present once again. I imagined some of it, I'm sure. Kind of like, "Fake it until you make it." But I'd also been reminded by DW and some other sources to "Ask and you shall receive." I was asking for this relationship to be active in my life again. In fact, on Sep 8, 2009, I invoked I wanted to experience in my day a tangible symbol of my relationship with Jesus. Something just really touched me deeply in that silence around that invocation I declared. Within a few days, some things started to pieced themselves together. Here are a few journal entries from early to mid-Sep, 09:
And now, I’m reading DW’s Sat, 11/23/96 entry. It speaks about him having a dream where he was being taught to set up a two way speaking contact with Jesus. Of interesting note, during one of my “Emotional Journeys” a few months ago, I had contact with an image of Jesus and the healing of his translucent blue eyes. Out of his eyes, a magnificent vortex developed. It was no longer his eyes but encompassed everything. Then, in mid Sept, I had that vision of Jesus’ sending me an upgrade while doing a soul linking visualization. I had been requesting an upgrade, download, whatever you want to call it. I knew I needed to ramp up if I was going to be able to handle, process, retain, and act on all the information beginning to come through me.
Also, in Chapter 2 (WA) which I’m now reading, I just came across the line where DW says he was learning about having transcendental experiences. His Mom brought home the book, COMMUNION, by Whitley Striebel. For me, it was roughly 6 weeks ago, after leaving Mom’s, went to Westland library and was attracted to UFO books. COMMUNION was the one I was drawn to first and read it. Never read the others. I just finished reading it early Mon a.m. (Sep 7). And then, I believe it was either Sun or Mon I started watching Dr. Peterson and David’s interview. Remember that it was over this past week and listening to Peterson, he made the suggestion that about 15% of us humans have some E.T. DNA. I knew, for sure, that I was one of these humans. I was then led to a book DW suggested that has a series of questions in back of it to ascertain whether or not you’re related to ETs. I just ordered that book so I’ll have it here in a few days. (FROM ELSEWHERE)
Anyway, a month has passed now. I’ve since read FROM ELSEWHERE. It’s not clear if I’m a Wanderer. I score about 8 out of the 12 on Mandelker’s list. I don’t feel I have to know and trust what I need to know and reveal will occur of its own accord. But I surely do resonate with a lot of what is said in that book.
So, even though DW introduced me to Ra and the Law of One, I hadn't really pursued looking into any of that. I was still immersed in his and Mandelker's books. I continued my forgiveness practices and establishing more of a tangible relationship with DP. I also continued my online discussion writing with the Yahoo DU Group where I was learning a lot, givingand receiving support for our daily practice of ACIM material and "true forgiveness" (as described above).
On Sep 17, I followed impulse to see if there was a Yahoo Discussion Group for DW's work. I found Dimensional Shift, read a few of Carla's readings posted there that answered, supported and related directly to some key issues for me (666 & 694). I immediately wrote that online group. I'll post that letter on my next blog entry. I got a reply from Wynn Free who guided me to his websites. I started receiving message-a-day and have gotten some wonderful messages from the excerpts of his book with DW, REINCARNATION OF EDGAR CAYCE.
As I continued my related search that day, I was led to www.bring4th.org and www.llresearch.org. Saw the Ra conference calls and Saturday Chat with Carla. Figured I'd check it out. Coincidentally, there was a 3:00 Chat with Carla scheduled in two days. I tried to join in but due to technical difficulties, internet explorer browser specifically, I was not able to stay in. So, my first meeting with Carla was Oct 3. It was an awesome call. She answered a few key questions with answers I'd been given recently. There were a few things expanded upon that were really helpful. This all really validated that my intuition/guidance was clearly in full throttle.