This is just a simple blog about my path so far.
Tomorrow - nothing of it will matter as I am going to get a new family member who will require even more of my time which I don't have...
Her name is Tesla.... And she will get my time no matter what!!
A little thing that I wanted to mention beside, before Tesla moves in, is something that I will probably not have time for in the future, but which has been in my mind lately - and that is - my social memory complex! Yes, I do miss them! And yes, I do know how they are! And yes, I do both know, feel and sense when they VISIT/or what some say *greet*! My face is right now covered with tears since they are closer to me then my own breathe!
With this being said, there was a reason to me incarnating at this time and in this place... So I'm at the right place and at the right time, my faith tells me... But what do I know?
I guess that everything is as it supposed to be, although it would be great with some kind of affirmation in form of .... whatever! Would just be nice to take anything on something than just faith!
But on the other hand, where would the glory be be if it would be like that?
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2 days ago I started to read "The Mists of Avalon" by Marion Bradley. This book is fantastic! And it was a tip from a sister of mine who I met at last Homecoming. Both of us recognized each other, like two sisters, but we didn't talk about it until the last day, but oh! When we started to talk about it! I was so excited that it felt like I would explode! This was a woman who I just met at that Homecoming, never seen her before, but it felt like I knew exactly who she was!
Anyways, the first evening when I started to read that book I couldn't stop! I read four chapters that night, and didn't go to sleep until 01:00 AM!
Yesterday I came to a piece where Igraine had a dream about what seemed to be her past live or maybe even time between lives, when she was in spirit and not in flesh. This dream was indeed amazing and it changed her attitude quite a lot. And last night, after reading that chapter, I also had a magical dream! I don't know what "sort" of dream it was. If it was like hers, with glimpses of past lives, or if it was mixed, but it was indeed of magical nature!
In that dream, which I wish I could remember more clearly, I met several people from my current incarnation, but in that dream they were not as they are in this life. For instance, one female whom I'm having a working relationship with in this incarnation, is really nice and wonderful, but have elements which are perhaps not so understanding in this incarnation. But in that dream, she was pure love, and I was in love in her, but not in romantic way. I was in love with her and everyone else I met in that dream, and they were in love with me! Again, it is not meant in any romantic way, but in a way which I guess is privileged only to other densities, or at least to folks of this density who are beyond my level of evolutional process.
This dream was also very vivid and colorful. But "colorful" not in any way as colors are viewed by me in this incarnation. These colors were alive! Also, at some point when I was flying to some place, I suddenly became aware that I was dreaming and I thought - cool! Now I can do what I want, and have some fun! So I stopped going to that place where I headed and instead tried to go up. I went up through one layer of our skies, but then couldn't go farther because it seemed like the atmosphere above us was like a roof. You couldn't pierce it.
I can't describe this dream properly and I won't do it justice anyway. The most important part is that when I woke up *I* felt *different*, just like Igraine felt different after having her dream! And I still experience this difference.
I feel more open to others, and I feel love on levels I usually do not. I feel compassion and I look people right into their eyes, deeply, making the connection. I touch them in ways I usually do not... It feels like I would love to fall in love with all of them, like I was in my dream!
During this whole day I had "flashbacks" from that dream, remembering more and more things from it, which I forgot upon awakening. And it happened when making contacts with others or when thinking about someone. For instance, one person called me on my cell today and when talking to her I suddenly remembered dreaming about her that night too! And it felt like I knew that person more than we both realized. And it's been like that almost this whole day today. Also, people with whom I've been having troubles with, I don't have troubles with them at all today, and I experience almost no negative catalysts! It's all *love*.
I wonder what sort of dream that was... And what did it do to me?
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Couple of days ago I had a dream from which I woke up, but continued dreaming it when I fell back asleep again. It feels significant to me. Here it is:
I was at my work, doing an "extra shift". My mom and two other nurses were there too, but they needed a registered nurse, so I came in there for just three hours. Then one of my male friends who drove me to work, showed up again in order to drive me back home. I didn't expect him to pick me up from work, but I got really happy to see him! There were very warm and loving feelings between us. As we were walking down the stairs to the locker room, he took my hand and kissed it. I felt the same affection and tenderness towards him, and my instinct was to kiss his hand back, because I wanted to. But then I got a bit shy and thought that maybe I shouldn't. We were only friends! And friends don't kiss each other on their hands like that. But the love I felt was so deep, that I kissed him back anyway.
We came down to the basement where I would change my clothes, and he would wait for me in an area which looked like a cafeteria. I changed my clothes, and came inside this cafeteria looking for him. I was just about to call him on the cell, when I woke up. Too bad, I thought. Because in the dream, I just came to the best part, where it would be only him and me, in the car on our way home, and then, I planned to invite him to my home.
I got up from my bed, went to the bathroom, and then went back to sleep. And the dream continued! I was with someone, and he was just next to me, and I whispered in his ear that I had a dream about him. In the next sequence - we were already a couple, and the love that I felt was again so profound and deep, that it was probably something I never felt in this awaken life.
Anyways, this guy, I and a little group of friends prepared a trip somewhere in the space. We were doing some maintance work and preparation for a spacetrip to a "nearby galaxy". One of our friends, who was very smart, said something which I don't remember now, but I did hear his advanced words in the dream. Most of us didn't understand what it meant, but some did and they got worried. It was indeed some sort of problem there. So I asked this guy if he could tell us what it meant, and he explained that we were going to a dimension where, when we enter it, we were not be able to see any doors anymore, which means that you will be more or less "locked" inside the room where you were standing. And that could give us problems and be very dangerous for our journey. But I got the idea that we would mark where the doors are on the floor, so we used chalk pointing at the doors inside our spaceship. We also, on some occasions, used red sticky tape that we put on the floor, looking like arrows, pointing at the doors inside the spaceship.
Later on in this dream I realized that we were going on a very dangerous mission, and that we might die, and never come home again. But then I realized that since I'm going there with him, my mate now, the death would not matter, because I would be with the person who I love most, but also that I would be with other close friends, and so the fear of death disappeared. But I still went to other friends where we lived, and told everybody about our mission, so that they would know. That we maybe will not be back. And the dream ended.
My analysis of it is that indeed it has probably to do with being a Wanderer and going on a mission to Earth. It is indeed a dangerous mission, and even Ra spoke of it. That dimension where we were going, where the doors would disappear when we enter it, is probably third density. Almost everything here is buried behind the veil. But we did the preparation, by drawing those arrows on the floor, and in some cases even using red, sticky tape, pointing to the doors. So, even if we wouldn't see them, we would have those signs which will be pointing at where doors are.
I don't know for sure, but I have been thinking ever since I had this dream, that maybe this dream is trying to tell me that I'm missing those signs on the "floor". The floor could be a metaphor for either the present moment or physical space/time reality (or both!). I'm not seeing those signs.
Today, before my morning meditation, I picked up Koran from my bookshelf in order to finally read it. I have never read it before, and I usually read couple of pieces in different books as an inspiration before meditating. I read sura 1 and 2, and oh my God - that darkness that I felt was too much. I closed the book, and knew that I would never read it again, but thought that it was too bad, and opened it again. It opened on sura 13. 13 is my favorite number which I associate with my spiritual family, so I had to read sura 13. It wasn't that bad as sura 2, but was still far, far away from the light and the love I am now "used to" thanks to the Ra material and other both channeled and written works of L/L Research.
I had deep meditation, but even that didn't help to shake off that feeling of darkness I was feeling due to reading in the Koran. I contemplated this on my way when picking up my daughter at school, and then a most bright, beautiful thought appeared in my mind, and suddenly that mysterious - axis upon which the creation turns - was clear as the daylight in my mind. I tried to process that thought, to analyze it, or bring it close to conscious understanding, but it disappeared. It can probably not be understood completely in our veiled 3D.
Just now, I looked at what Jim wrote in his Journal, and guess what Ra quote he used for today!
Are these the signs that I am missing? This is not a coincidence! It can't be a coincidence, that I have this bright flash in my mind about the axis upon which the creation turns, and then Jim posts about it today...
But what am I missing? What am I doing wrong? Or not doing?
I don't know... But I will try to pay more attention to the signs now. Syncronicities. Or maybe, it is not the signs, but trying to get an understanding of what am I missing. Why I am here is already answered, but maybe there is more to it, which I missed...?
Though 3D has its charm and beauty, it is also a very frustrating density sometimes...
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I had an interesting dream last night:
I was in a classroom together with some other people I know. There was a teacher in the front, and I was in the back of that classroom. Together with me in the back was a guy who I know. Since the first time I saw him there was such an intense recollection of him that I first thought that we've met before. Maybe we have worked together, or maybe lived as neigboors somewhere I thought, but it turned out that we haven't. I feel an enormous magnetic attraction to this man, a strong emotion to want to unite with him on all levels, not just sexual. But it's not possible in this incarnation for now.
Anyway, in this dream we started to talk with each other, and then sit next to each other. In the next sequence, I turned my face to him to tell him something, but he kissed me. I laughed and told him that I just wanted to tell him something, not kiss him, and he replied that he knew that, but he kissed me anyway. Some of our mutual friends were observing us for a while now, and they saw that we kissed. So, for me it represented that he was very serious about his intents with me, as he did what he did in public.
In the next scene of this dream, he was suddenly lying in bed (with his clothes on), still in the back of that class-room and inviting me in. Next to him there was a woman, whose face I couldn't see properly. She was inviting me into the bed too, saying some very encouring and friendly words, which I don't remember.
I jumped into that bed, and I got a most satisfactory feeling of "finally, I'm here". I had energy releases in my whole body while we were caressing each other and kissing. It was wonderful!
Now, I don't think that this dream represents that anything will happen with this man in the future. But I do find these thoughts annoying and distrating. That is why I think that I got this dream from my unconscious mind. That lady next to him in that bed, whose face I couldn't see, was my unconscious mind I believe. My Potentiator of the Mind, and I think that she was telling me through this dream to not only get to know myself on the depths (as I was already aware of the fact that I like this man), but to accept myself better, to work on that harder (as I do find these thoughts annoying though being aware of them). That is why she was encouring me, inviting me into that bed and told me all those friendly words.
Thank you, my Priestess of Vast Ocean! Hope to work more with you and disappoint you less! :)
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I have had many lessons recently. The most two important are being these one:
1. I asked my HS before going to sleep to give me a dream about what step that I should take next. Two hours later I woke up recollecting a very vivid dream where I was moving out of areas of my apartment of sleeping into areas which had big windows into the street. Point taken! I have indeed been watching too many movies instead of working! (And there I was thinking that I deserved a little break now and then!) :D
2. My Higher Self is back!! Like no time has past. Some years ago It answered to me in such a way that I could no longer doubt Its existence. And after that, my HS and I have had troubles to establish this intimate contact again which we enjoyed, cause I got too scared. :)
But now this contact is back into the relationship where I know where It is and whenever I feel that I can greet It, It is always there, greeting me back, desiring the same intimate contact back...
I just don't want to fark up my incarnation and whatever chances I received from the creator in order to serve it. Would be awesome to serve It, but without having to "climb Mount Everest". On the other hand, maybe that is exactly what we have to do! :D