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Member: Smilingaudibly
Location: Nashville, TN, USA
Gender: Female

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This blog is my personal reflections on living the Law of One and trying to be of service to others in all I do. 


3/19/19
Published by SmilingAudibly on March 19, 2019 5:41pm.  Category: General

Good morning!

 

I have always been afraid of mirrors at night. Looking back, I think I can pinpoint it to an old episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark where a little girl was stuck living on the other side of the mirror in an abandoned house. Some kids were dared to spend the night there and in the morning, pleas of "HELP ME" were scrawled in backwards, mirror images all over the walls of the room. TO THIS DAY I still get creeped out thinking about it. And of course, the movie The Ring didn't help my fear. My freshman dorm room in college had an earily similar oval mirror to the one in the movie hanging in it. 

 

Last night, as I often do, I woke up in the middle of the night to brush Tilly, my sweet calico manx cat. I'm not sure how she became the boss or is able to order me around so effectively, but she is and has. So I was sitting on the floor, in the dark, brushing her when I noticed I was sitting directly in front of a mirror we have yet to hang. At 4 a.m. The fear bubbled up. I'm not sure what I think will happen - something only seen out of the corner of my eye, or a shadow behind me that isn't there when I turn around. I have no idea. But I was aware of the fear, and I tried breathing through it, inviting the fear to come to me like a friend. It struck me then, half asleep, that this might be a bigger metaphor for my life. Afraid of my reflection, at night. Afraid to see reflected back to me the darker, or more negative aspects of myself. Something to think about for sure.



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Beware the Ides of March!
Published by SmilingAudibly on March 15, 2019 8:26pm.  Category: General

For Valentines Day, Sylina, my boss' wife, brought me a ton of goodies, including a beautiful potted orchid. I think because I'm the only woman who works here she likes getting me cutsie things. I'd never taken care of a plant like this before; I grew up in the Sonoran dessert where plant life is so different. Orchids had always seemed to me to be ostentatious or gaudy. What a good lesson in not judging a book by its cover!

 

Because I have fallen in love with Oscar. That's what I named him. It might not seem like the best name for the utterly gorgeous beauty that he is, but it came out seemlessly and I can't call him anything else now. He lives on my desk and I talk to him all day, sometimes giving little kisses as I pass by. And he is thriving!! My little guy had 3 or 4 buds still bursting with potential when I got him, and they've all since bloomed, ebullient and full. He has several new buds growing right now and I try to encourage them whenever I can. 

 

Oscar the Orchid

In his full glory!!!

 

I wonder if we'll remember the 2nd density entities we developed relationships with in this lifetime. Will I even remember my husband after we all coalesce again to join the creator?

 



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3/14/19
Published by SmilingAudibly on March 14, 2019 4:02pm.  Category: General

Meditation went well this morning. I read a technique somewhere about visualizing breathing in the light of the universe, then breathing out the mixture of dark and light energies of your soul. I enjoyed that.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night with the nagging to text my aunt back. She had asked me a few weeks back to see about coming out for a visit in mid-March, but I hadn't talked to her since. I got in that accident, Liz and I are planning Emily's baby shower, and Brandon isn't working right now so it never felt like a good time. But I've been consciuosly trying to follow my gut about things, so I made the mental note to text her today, and was able to go back to sleep. I'm glad I did (of course)! She said she hadn't been texting me because she'd had similar issues, including both of her kitties getting sick and having to go to the emergency vet while she was out of town, interviewing for a new job, and then giving poor Lilli her chemo shots. It was just a bad time for all of us. Probably just as well, isn't Mercury in retrograde right now? Haha. We decided to push the visit later, maybe towards the end of the summer.

 

This summer has a lot of fun visits planned! In June I'm going to Austin for KetoKon, a convention where all things keto are talked about. I've been eating this way for almost three years, and it has made a huge impact on improving my health. And I'll get to visit with my keto twin, Emily, and meet several "online" friends I've made through the keto subreddit. It should be so fun! My keto twin is also coming out here to visit in July with her boyfriend, who grew up here. My good college friend Andy is also coming to visit in late April for a marathon! He's really into running and is staying with us while he runs that race. 

 

Life is good. Maybe it's the fact that the sun is out and it's a little warmer outside, or maybe it's because I'm consciously trying to see the positives in life, but I'm feeling very content. Thank you universe! I'll take it. Smile



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3/13/19
Published by SmilingAudibly on March 13, 2019 7:07pm.  Category: General

I caught myself almost falling asleep this morning during meditation. I've been getting miserable amounts of sleep this week, going to bed after midnight and getting up at 6 every morning. That might be enough sleep for some people, but I am not one of them! Tonight I'm going to cook pork chops in the Instant Pot with a creamy ranch sauce, play the new expansion set for Takenoko that Brandon just bought, and then get to bed early! I also need to finish knitting the baby blanket for Emily's shower Saturday, but I can probably finish that Thursday. 

 

I've set the intention to start cycling on my exercise bike in a frequent, scheduled way. Apparently I can't convince myself to do anything unless I schedule it! I'm going to start by cycling 3 times a week for 45 minutes each, then after a few weeks of that start to incorporate a HIIT program. That apparently burns more visceral fat than if I were to just ride it at a steady pace. Working out and getting in shape is my next monster to face - the first was money, which Kristen and Dave Ramsey were very influential in helping me solve; the second was diet. I was diagnosed with PCOS a couple of years ago and as a result started an extremely low carb diet, getting my weight down into the healthy range. Now that I'm at my preferred weight and size, I want to tone this temple up! 

 

I found myself getting annoyed this morning that Jeff and Pelham were discussing the new print marketing mailer without me. I tried at first to brush it off, but then I thought, "Hey! This is catalyst." So I explored the feeling. Why am I mad about it? I was annoyed because in the moment I felt like they were discussing things I had input on, and was miffed they didn't deign to ask my opinion. But then I realized that I had discussed it at length with Pelham the day before without Jeff; Pelham obviously just wanted to hear both of our opinions. Once I realized that, it was easy to release it. No ill-will was meant, I just misunderstood. And I obviously have a hang-up about needing to feel included in things Smile



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3/12/19
Published by SmilingAudibly on March 12, 2019 4:59pm.  Category: General

I went through a period of time a few months ago where I could not get meditating out of my mind. It seemed like everywhere I turned there was someone talking about it or suggesting it. Even to a lunk like me, I noticed the signs and finally said, "Okay! I'll do it!" I had dabbled in it previously, downloading an app and trying it out for a couple of weeks, but wasn't sure what to do or where to begin.


The people of Ra said that there is no best way to meditate. I didn't like that. I'm someone who likes to have the rules clearly explained and then meticulously followed. But I figure it's just silent sitting, right? Kind of like the SSR (shout out for sustained silent reading!!) we used to do in school. I already had the Insight Timer app downloaded from the previous dabblings, so every weekday morning I wake up and immediately head to the living room, get under the 'pacca blanket, and try not to think for 15 minutes. I have varying success. When I started, I liked the idea of chanting something to keep the working part of my brain occupied. I used the Lords Prayer, as I like and believe in what it says, and because years of church and Christian schools have rendered it unforgettable in my brain. But lately I've been feeling the need to listen, so the last few days have been silent. It's hard! Sometimes I wonder why I'm even doing it. But I enjoy the balance between rest and concentration that occurs and I think (sometimes) I can see tangible evidence my mind is changing. I can see it in the way I react to something my sister Emily says, I could see it when I got in that car accident; it's a slowly evolving view of really seeing others as myself. 



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