This blog is my personal reflections on living the Law of One and trying to be of service to others in all I do.
4/15/19 - Don't let the taxman get you!
Published by SmilingAudibly on April 15, 2019 4:10pm. Category: General
I had an odd sort of epiphany in the shower this weekend that this density, the one of choice, is not just about the BIG choice of service to self or service to others, but also about the millions of little choices we make every day in support of it. Every moment is a new chance to not only begin again if needed, but to remind us of our decision by the constant need to consciously decide again our path every day. I've decided to focus my efforts on being of service to others, and I'm constantly reminded of that choice when my actions either reaffirm that or don't. It's almost like life is only in the present; there is no past and no future, there is just the choice we make in each moment. It reminds of me of that song No Day But Today in Rent:
There's only now, there's only here Give in to love or live in fear No other path, No other way No day but today
I feel like I quote a lot of songs. But sometimes they say things so much better than I could! I'm glad to see that my youthful enjoyment of perfectly picking out moody lyrics for AIM away messages still lives on in me somewhere
Published by SmilingAudibly on April 11, 2019 2:11pm. Category: General
Thinking about my path in life is both frustrating and exciting. On one hand, I feel like I have a great life. A goofy, loving family, the kindest husband ever, the best kitten-cat that has ever existed, and a comfortable life in which I have so much freedom. Even at work I do what I need to do, and I think I do it well, and have a ton of free time. Honestly, this is what enabled me to learn about the Law of One. I usually browse Reddit when I have nothing to do, and that's where I stumbled on to it. But is this really going to be the rest of my life? Just hanging out and browsing Reddit all day?! Reading the Law of One over and over? I feel like I want to do something!
This morning in meditation I asked my helpers, higher self, Smart Anna, whoever, to give me a sign that I was either on the right path or to give me a sign showing me the path to take. I hope I'm able to see the sign for what it is when it comes.
I almost feel like I'm preparing for something. I don't know what I'm preparing for, but it has the distinct feel of a beginning. So maybe I can't go forward without learning right where I am. But what am I even learning?? So many people learn through hardship or trauma, and I'm just sitting over here drinking wine, playing board games, and having the time of my life. I don't really feel like I'm learning anything except how to enjoy myself, which I'm already really good at. I'm not asking for horrible things to happen to me, not even a little, but it's hard to see what I'm learning. Maybe just patience. Haha. My eternal struggle.
Let me just reitterate that I am extremely grateful for my life. Brandon and I talk constantly about how much we have to be thankful for. I honestly don't even know what I would change to make it better (except not having to work haha!). So why do I feel like I'm missing something?
Published by SmilingAudibly on April 9, 2019 3:04pm. Category: General
Meditation is going well. According to my Insight Timer app, I've done it every weekday since February, totaling 58 sessions lasting 15 hours and one minute. For some reason the "and one minute" cracks me up. I must have gone over a little in one of the sessions! I can't tell if it's made a huge difference or not. Maybe I would see more consistent benefits if I did it every single day, but my weekday and weekend flows are completely different and I haven't figured out how to make it part of my weekend routine yet. Once Brandon gets back on the road (looks like mid-May!) I'll be able to easily do that! I'll miss lounging around with him on Saturday mornings, making breakfast, drinking coffee, and playing board games, but it'll be really good to get back in a routine of cleaning, laundry, errands, and now meditation. Then we'll be all ready to relax when he gets back on Sundays! We both feed on each other's laziness, preferring to enjoy our time together over mundane tasks, so it's easier for me to be productive when he's gone.
I feel like I'm all riled up to do something, but have nothing to do! I know I need to be patient, I think it's one of my life lessons, but I've got energy bouncing around in here and don't know what to do with it. Sometimes I fantisize about moving to Southeast Asia, buying a little house, and living the rest of my life eating amazing food, hanging out with B, and swimming at the beach. That's kind of my idea of heaven. It's pretty self indulgent, though. In meditation this morning I asked for my higher self, "The Smart Anna," as I sometimes call her, to show me my best and highest path for this life. Something I've always struggled with is "finding my passion." What the hell does that phrase even mean? I'm passionate about everything I learn about! I can't possibly pick one thing. Brandon's even said he's noticed that my interests wane and wax like ocean tides. I get really into something, satisfy my curiosity, then move on to something else. I enjoy learning a new skill, then coming back to it months or even years later with almost an entirely new perspective. I've even done this with The Law of One! How could I possibly choose just one passion in life? I hope The Smart Anna can help show me what the best way to go is. The future looks like a blank page from here, and I want to skip ahead and read the next chapter already!
I have Jenny Lewis tumbling around in my brain, so I'll leave this post with another snippet of awesomeness:
Just 'cause you're youngDon't mean nothing! Don't mean nothing! We are here, and we're goneDo something!While your heart is thumping!
Published by SmilingAudibly on April 3, 2019 5:47pm. Category: General
I've always been dibilitatingly afraid of bees and wasps. My sister Emily, too. We've never known why; neither of us has ever been stung, and as for as I'm aware, I've never even been particularly close to being stung, so why fear it so much? But there it is. And as I'm sitting outside, working from home on this gorgeous spring day because of the hell that is PCOS, I'm distracted to the point of not being able to get anything done because some poor wasp who just wants to explore decided to visit.
I'm trying to look at it/him/her(?) as another part of myself, and one I would welcome with love, and so far it's helping. It's strange and wonderful to me that love seems to be the resolution to almost every situation. I don't think this "phobia" is cured by any means, but it does enable me to sit out here when before there was a 100% chance I'd run inside at the first sight.
My Tilly cat is out here with me on the deck, soaking up the sun. We both love when the doors and windows are open and when the line between indoors and outdoors is blurred. It's easier to do that here in the south in some respects because the number of beautiful days here is higher than in the southwest, but the aridity of the desert means you can be much more comfortable at higher temperatures, and sitting under misters, which are common there, makes the atmosphere really pleasant. We used to sleep with all of the windows open growing up so the "swamp cooler" (evaporated cooling system) could work, and I miss the breeze and smells of the desert at night. But Tennessee is certainly not lacking in rich environments! Whenever my parents visit, they always gush about how "everything is so green!" I'm sure it seems that way when you live in tans and browns most of the year!
I want to start a meditation journal to go along with my practice. I'm not sure of the specifics of how it will work yet, but maybe doing it every other day instead of silent meditation. Or maybe doing it in conjunction with my meditation would be better. I don't know! I'll have to... meditate on it! Ha
Published by SmilingAudibly on April 1, 2019 6:17pm. Category: General
i usually hate going to concerts, but last night I saw Jenny Lewis, one of my top 5 musicians, and I'm still over the moon! I really felt the good vibes. A few of her lyrics are sticking with me today, including:
The Voyager is in every boy and girl If you want to get to heaven Get out of this world
There's a little bit of magic Everybody has it There's a little bit of sand left in the hourglass
I'm still buzzing. Because I was out so late "on a school night," meditation this morning was a little drowsy. I don't think I fell asleep, but I started getting thoughts that were suspicially like dreams and I had to keep going back to counting breaths.
My sister was randomly at the show last night! She texted me when she saw my Instagram post. She was there with a friend who had an extra ticket. I love weird conincidences like that! She and I had talked about getting lunch this week, so we made plans for today. I'm not sure if it's because she's pregnant or if meditation is helping my relationship with her peripherally, but she and I have been getting along really well for the last several months. I like it. I hope it stays this way!! Lunch was delicious; we got Thai. We would have gotten Indian, but the place near my work is closed on Mondays. I love food. :)