Greetings: dyed-in-the-wool atheist, complete 180 in less than 6 months

[Parsons]

I greet you now; I am a most weary wanderer. I spent my entire life up to this point seeking what was "wrong" with me. My scientific mind desperately needed to find the root problem to what had gone wrong with my life. In doing so, I stumbled over the tip of a gigantic iceberg.

I have had some variable difficulties with social interaction since elementary school, which was mistaken for a child who has difficulty reading because of a stutter-pause filled session of reading aloud to the class. I have also have had extreme difficulties wanting to get a "job" since high school.

I have had a most tumultuous relationship/marriage for my entire adult life, which has more recently left me with only my cat and my thoughts to keep me company. Her leaving was largely due to my state of "funk" that I had been stuck in after a very serious motorcycle accident 2 years before this posting in Nov 2011. She is a very career driven woman; she has had a thus-far unquenchable desire to seek degrees in higher education. This makes her feel completely useless (historically:to the point of break down at getting fired from her job) unless she is either full time school or work, or both. She projects this upon me, although she wont admit it. I have always been a free soul, though, and know how to resist even the dreaded passive-aggression.

Its been 6 months now since shes been gone... Two things resulted from this, in essence: The first 2 months or so was the lowest point in my life. The second thing was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me in this current incarnation, my awakening. I actually lept into the air and yelled "eureka!" like a big crippled dork.

Since my awakening, I went from someone who has always respected and honored the scientific method and rationalism while being completely apathetic and/or cold to any religion or spirituality; to a spiritual virgin suddenly exposed an entire plane of existence that I had previously discounted as "highly unlikely". I was astonished at what I found, especially when many of my metaphysical, science-only based theories just before my awakening.

As I have been reading the Ra Material, many (if not all) my metaphysical theories came true in the words of the Ra entity. It has happened more times than I can count now. It is both exhilarating and unsettling, in equal proportions. It feels so unsettling because so many other times throughout my life, I have always ended up making poor decisions that I have deeply regretted in the past; dwelling upon it in a most negative way. So to have everything come true... is a bizarre sensation to me.

Now I seek the same humble thing I have sought since I was an adolescent: to find a woman to share love with in a meaningful way, and to contribute to the happiness and well-being of society as a whole in some meaningful way. I seek love, knowledge, and also to teach. I value the service to others in regards to love, laughter, and I seek to protect others from pain and slavery.

But the discovery process brought me to the brink, and luckily, back out of my sleeping-stupor that I was stuck in. I feel most weary... And what little I have learned on the proper way to communicate with the majority of the population has been lost to me. Also, I have been almost entirely alone in all this. I dont know a single person "irl" that I can talk to about this. I have 0 support in this, and almost non-existent acceptance and support from my friends and family. I love my wife... and I also love another girl (that I fell in love with before I understood the consequences)... They are the only two people who I become concerned with at the end of this cycle. I fear for them... I do not know if they are ready to graduate or not. I would very much like to graduate with 1 or both of them... I dont want them to get "left behind". The idea of that saddens me deeply. But I wish to move on now; I cant stand the thought of being a 3rd density being on a 3rd density planet, and all the violence, pain, and sorrow that came with it.

But I did not tell you this to dwell on the negatives: I came to share, grow, comfort, and learn. In a more tangible way, I also have been semi-interested meeting people locally so I might seek to channel or possibly seek aid in healing ~myself~ in damaged portions of my body/mind.

I invite you to ask questions freely, I do not offend easily.

[unity100]

weariness can also result from your vibration/frequency rising, and the incompatibility that brings with the heavier vibrations of the society you are living in. it is a constant wear/tear.

[Oldern]

Welcome here, Brother!

You are definitely not alone in this struggle: you have found this place.
I have been in kinda similar shoes - with a very huge difference though, as I have always seeked spirituality but then left it behind for pursuing a scientific career, which, luckily, did not work out so well after all - and know very well the feeling of being alone, nothing to talk with about all the higher concepts of life and being.

I wish you good luck in here, may you find the proper threads for your own growth, and may you ignore the topics that bring you discomfort and/or frustration. That is the only real advice I can give. Also, never forget to embrace what you believe now - it is so easy to fall back onto the old habits, after all.

[Oceania]

your story reminds me of mine. minus the wife. i hope you feel less lonely.

[Crown]

Do not let your love for others transform into fear. Its a tough one, but loving someone so much that your main thought towards them becomes driven by fear of loss, is just wrong. Its an illusion. Even if all your friends "died", you'd still be a magnificent being. Even if you "graduated" and they did not, you wont lose anything. Only gain.

Your preception of unity and love is distorted due to your existance in this type of reality. Do not let the fears become a strong factor so they wont cling on you and possibly follow you to wherever it is that you are headed.

[zack231]

Welcome to the forum! You are not alone here. I get the same feeling I have no one to really talk to about this, I think all those who have awakened get this. My friends don't have an interest in anything but sport and partying/drinking so I can never see them having a talk to be about it.. And my family well I try to plant the seeds in their mind to search for something more and to think further than they do.. I feel like helping them but they don't really want to listen they don't even want to listen when I talk about serious topics such as the truth about the wars and other things that are going on in the world.. They just switch of and say they don't really care or get really awkward or even angry at me for talking about intellectual topics and tell me I should not have such strong views.. I do feel sorry for them though.. But it is obviously not their time, if they are ready the information will come to them. Anyways peace!

[Ruth]

Welcome, DuncanIdahoTPF

You are not alone! We are all here for you.

I agree with Crown! Don't let your love for others translate into fear. We are all ONE no matter what D we are currently traveling in. You can't really leave anyone behind, they will not be lost. The best way for you to help them along is to love them.

Light and love!

[Namaste]

Upon a personal epiphany regarding the date of the harvest, I realised it's upon death in one's own time. Not at 2012 :¬)

By that time, in your own passing over, you will be open to the fact you will never be separate from your loved ones. Or indeed anything.

I seek love, knowledge, and also to teach. I value the service to others in regards to love, laughter, and I seek to protect others from pain and slavery.

Being your true self is the best way in which you can teach, as it becomes by example. When people see another person living in a loving/trusting way, and how their lives seem effortless and blissful, they are able to see the value (and that it's indeed possible), rather than imagine it. Lead by example :¬)

[Unbound]

Sounds like you are well on your way! Don't worry about the graduation of others, since on a hunch I would tell you that these individuals shall go as far as needed.

[Parsons]

Wow... Thank you all, I wasnt expecting that kind of response that fast, hehe. I will not fear... I have been aware of the negative effects fear can have on you since I was a child. Plus I have the litany against fear(from the Dune series) as a back up . =O)

And Im not so much "worried" as I was before about the ones I love graduating, because I have accepted that they may not be ready for harvest. It would be NICE if they did come with, though =O)

...They just switch of and say they don't really care or get really awkward or even angry at me for talking about intellectual topics and tell me I should not have such strong views..

This has happened to me more times than I can count =O) It feels good to know I am not alone in these specific type of struggles. It has been most frustrating to have so many never listen to me.

---

More specific problem Im having with the people close to me: I used to share everything and talk about everything I was working on or simply consuming (such as a tv series of movie or game or other hobby), but now... I fell conspicuously silent for months now. I hardly know what to say to my wife... whom I get along with moderately well (talk of getting back together possibly). But I just... I used to blab non-stop about everything to her especially... Now I dont know what to talk about, because everything on my mind lately has been related to this... I have had little time for other pursuits. She would not be open to talking about any of this... Im almost sure (she really hates it when we are talking about something she doesnt want talk about, and she avoids it all costs). So things are awkward between us and seemed to have stalled partially because of my near-silence.

I dont think there is a turn-key fix to this, so I will just continue trying to get used to keeping a secret for the first time in my life (not talking about my discoveries, as they wouldnt understand).

BTW, A huge source of my awakening (I credit almost half) was music/culture. More specifically, the "Rated R" album by Queens of the Stone age was when I really got the message. Others that may be more or less obvious: The "Superunknown" album by Soundgarden (esp. "Fresh Tendrils"), and of course pretty much all the music of Tool.

[Avocado]

Congrats on your eureka, sounds exciting c:

I used to share everything and talk about everything I was working on or simply consuming (such as a tv series of movie or game or other hobby), but now... I fell conspicuously silent for months now. I hardly know what to say to my wife...

I'm in the same situation as you. I don't know what to say to people, they have expectations of me, of who I am. But that's the thing, I can't live up to those expectations because I'm so different from who I was. Someone mentions something similar to this in this documentary, it may be helpful http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/cienci...erse63.htm

[Oceania]

i love Soundgarden. Black Hole Sun!

[highpriestess]

Hello DuncanIdahoTPF,
I think one of the most troubling feelings can be that overwhelming sense of loneliness that we all suffer from at one point or other. It's easy for me to say to you right now, you are not alone. Because you aren't. No one is alone. Yet, there are many times I too forget and allow myself to become inundated with those feelings I seem at a loss to control, and seem to be weighted down by that sense of loneliness. (Funny paradox isn't it?)

There are times that I too feel that sense of overbearing silence, of doubting yourself and what to say, but wanting so desperately to reach out with words and feel connected with someone you care about. I've consoled myself by trying to remember--every challenge you find yourself facing is a wonderful opportunity to be thankful for, to be looked on with light and love.

Since I have stumbled upon my inner truths reflected in the Ra material and L/L website, I've felt like I finally found the wonderful secret of everything and I really want to share it with those I love. But this is a tricky thing. I read this last night from the L/L Newsletter #114, Respecting the Free Will of Others:

The distinction between bending someone’s ear, as this instrument would say, and the dropping of thoughts is that in the dropping of thoughts, the one for whom the thought is dropped has no awareness that his ear is being bent. That subject which you feel is a beautiful opening for something that you would like to share has come up in conversation, and so you share it and you move on.

The line that is drawn here is between taking advantage of a conversation that happens to go in a direction in which you have something to share and in creating a conversation that gives you the opportunity to share. On the one hand, you are simply communicating back and forth and in a spontaneous way you have found a nugget that you’d like to share and so you do.
If you create the conversation by bringing up the topic you wish to discuss, then in a subtle way you are herding or bullying this entity and hoping to have a certain effect upon him. Do not create the opportunity to share spiritual truths but only respond to openings in which such a truth is relevant and apt.

~Sending you love & light.

p.s. I love Tool!! I think there's a forum post somewhere about Law of One music & bands, it specifically mentions the Lateralus album. Funny, I've heard the songs so many times (and I love memorizing the lines of songs) but never actually knew the lyrics. Very very insightful!

[kycahi]

Hi Duncan, your Subject brought out a couple other newbies, along with some regulars. So welcome to you, Avocado and priestess. As you see, feeling lonely is practically an indicator by itself that you are one of us.

I kind of improved my odds of fitting in by offering praise to anyone that makes a comment or shows behavior of thoughtfulness or enlightenment. They almost always receive it well. At the very least, more people will see you as perceptive.

[Parsons]

I have a story to share that I chose to stop and contemplate rather than share right away. This story I have been "sitting on" for months is about how I was contacted by either a M/B/S/C or a single entity in an attempt to wake me up approximately August 2009.

At the time, I was working for a computer rental company (which shall remain nameless) here in Arizona. I had a very special "gig" to set up and also to run the A/V during the show, which was completely new to me. I was supposed to get to the hotel convention center to set up early morning, and I did arrive on time, but the place was locked up and it wasn't until 30 - 60 mins later until I started setting up, which ended up making the start of the show late because I was so far behind and because it was only me setting up for it.

The show proceeded to be a complete embarrassing disaster for myself, as I was instructed to pull up certain things on the show laptop which was projected for the audience and speaker to see. I had to use the backup laptop as the main show laptop wasn't functioning properly. To make matters worse, I was so busy up in my head worrying about how poorly the show was going and all the various people who had yelled at me by that point, I also zoned out every once in awhile when the speaker asked me to change the slide / control the laptop. So the speaker would have to give me a second nudge which would make the entire audience focus on me.

Now, here is the part some might find odd: I don't remember a single thing (directly, anyways) about the speaker or what information was presented. I have tried to remember, believe me, but I block out extremely unpleasant memories. I have yet to retrieve any of the most traumatic ones, which apparently this was one of them.

Long story short, the show ended, I got yelled at by my boss and the guy who was supposed to be responsible for the show that farmed it out to the company / me as the person responsible for the gig.

Here's where the story gets amazing / positive (at least in hindsight): my boss called me into his office within a day or 2 of this happening (I thought maybe to fire me at the time). He then starts looking really, really uncomfortable / awkward, which was really out of place in his dealings with me. He asked me if I payed attention to the seminar at all and if I found it interesting(which confused the f*** out of me immediately). I told him I had no clue what happened, but vaguely remembered the speaker talking about a vortex over and over again and that I had blocked out the rest because I was so miserable at the time.

He then asks me if I had heard of something called "Abraham" (which I much later on found out was "Abraham Hicks"), and that he thought I should check it out. Now at the time, as the title of this thread states, I was a die-hard atheist. I was confused by this and inquired further why the hell he thought I should do this out of the blue. I immediately turned my logical mind for motivation for why he would ask me to do this out of the blue especially after fucking up the last gig so badly. I couldn't find a single thing to motivate him, so I asked him about it from different angles until he finally admitted he "got an impression in meditation"(!!). I immediately thought he was coming at me from a religious angle, as he seemed to be a die-hard christian; and I voiced this concern, telling him I thought he knew I wasn't religious or interested in this type of thing. He then got defensive and told me it had nothing to do with his religion, and that he was sorry he mentioned it (I could see his mind picturing me suing him for bringing up religion to an employee).

I immediately apologized and said that I found this to be extremely interesting overall since nobody had ever said anything like this to me in my entire life and that I would check it out. A google search yielded www.abraham-hicks.com. I went on the website, watched 2 or 3 videos from abraham, which featured one of the videos where abraham goes on and on about "staying inside the vortex" (this is the only one I can remember clearly). I was extremely confused by this and did not like it one bit at the time, and wrote it off as "religious wacko BS". I then came back to my boss with it and said I didn't like it and was really confused. He said to forget about the whole thing and he should have never brought it up, and that he did his part "relaying the message".

Smash cut to only a few months ago: I am hungrily looking for new channeled material after burning through the Ra Material as well as Bashar's work very quickly. I had completely forgotten about the memory, but then seeing a thread here in the forums about "Abraham Hicks" slowly dredged up the lost memory. I then revisited the material, which I realized why I didn't like it at the time; If it had been Bashar or some other some other channel I may have "converted" much sooner into the person I am now. But alas, hindsight is 20/20 and the Abraham Hicks material just didn't resonate with me nearly as deeply as Ra / Q'uo or Bashar.

To make matters even more difficult, I had no confirmation from another person about this memory. I first asked my wife if she remembered anything about this, and she gave me the "WTF are you talking about?". A month or two after this, I finally got up the nerve to email my old boss about this to confirm it. To my dismay: he didn't remember ANYTHING about it and that I must have imagined the whole thing (he did remember the "gig gone wrong", though, but wouldn't give me any more details on that or even mention it). Or at least thats what I told me, I know he has no qualms about lying to someone if he thinks it protects his company. Either that or he simply selectively forgot about it just like I did at the time.

This lead me to question the whole memory being fabricated. But after contemplating the situation for some months now, I know now in my heart and logically I didn't make it up (since I knew some scattered details about the Abraham Hicks channeling before I could have possibly known about them unless my story was true). This realization was just the right confirmation of my beliefs at the time and still to this day. I was also taken aback by this, which further delayed sharing my story with all of you.

Anyways... Cheers.

[Daydreamin]

Aren't cosmic winks fun?

[Parsons]

I have been thinking of changing my name here to my real name for months now, and now that Patrick beat me to it, I decided it a good a time as any to switch over. Actually, I typically go with some form of "Parsons" in my name in multi-player video games, but when I first registered here I wasn't "out" to my friends and family about my general beliefs. But now that I have for months now, I do not care about anonymity enough to keep it up.

[Patrick]

Hehe

[C-JEAN]

He he !
About real name. . . mine IS in my nickname. . .

I always come back on this, but, for controling our life, we MUST see
" What the BLEEP do we know?! down the rabbit hole ".
THAT is the film that got me to "The Ra material" and this forum ! !

I INSIST !!. . . You MUST try to borrow, rent, buy that
3 DVD kit !! It IS extraordinary ! !

It totaly changed my ideas on life, and quite a lot changed
how I react, now, to life's catalists ! B-)

Blue skies.

[Parsons]

He he !
About real name. . . mine IS in my nickname. . .

I always come back on this, but, for controling our life, we MUST see
" What the BLEEP do we know?! down the rabbit hole ".
THAT is the film that got me to "The Ra material" and this forum ! !

I INSIST !!. . . You MUST try to borrow, rent, buy that
3 DVD kit !! It IS extraordinary ! !

It totaly changed my ideas on life, and quite a lot changed
how I react, now, to life's catalists ! B-)

Blue skies.

Thanks, Ill check that out soon, found the full movie on youtube.

[Parsons]

I randomly decided to write a review for the Law of One books on Amazon. I felt it would be fun to post it here since I find it interesting how much my perspective has changed since I introduced myself in this thread and how difficult it is to remember my worldview pre-Ra Material.

https://www.amazon.com/review/R22A2W5UAL...eml_rv0_rv

[Parsons]

I just stumbled on a huge "easter egg" from my awakening process. I recently noticed that the reason Ra chose the name Ra was because it was a close match in Vibration to the sun.

What initially led me to the the Ra material and my awakening was googling information about solar flares. I was in a very emotional damaged state, thus I must have created a calling to the vibration of Ra which led me to find the Ra material.

[Manjushri]

I just stumbled on a huge "easter egg" from my awakening process. I recently noticed that the reason Ra chose the name Ra was because it was a close match in Vibration to the sun.

What initially led me to the the Ra material and my awakening was googling information about solar flares. I was in a very emotional damaged state, thus I must have created a calling to the vibration of Ra which led me to find the Ra material.

How did you notice that the sun's vibration sounds like "ra" ?

[Parsons]

The name 'Ra' is now closely associated with the sun. Ra mentions this is a close vibration to their mind/body/spirit complex.

In the Eighteenth Dynasty, as it is known in your records of space/time distortions, we were able to contact a pharaoh, as you would call him. The man was small in life-experience on your plane and was a… what this instrument would call, Wanderer. Thus, this mind/body/spirit complex received our communication distortions and was able to blend his distortions with our own. This young entity had been given a vibratory complex of sound which vibrated in honor of a prosperous god, as this mind/body complex, which we call instrument for convenience, would call “Amun.” The entity decided that this name, being in honor of one among many gods, was not acceptable for inclusion in his vibratory sound complex. Thus, he changed his name to one which honored the sun disc. This distortion, called “Aten,” was a close distortion to our reality as we understand our own nature of mind/body/spirit complex distortion.

Again, worship/honor of the sun calls to Ra:

Ra: I am Ra. At the time of which you speak there were those who chose to worship the hawk-headed sun god which you know as vibrational sound complex, “Horus.” This vibrational sound complex has taken other vibrational sound complexes, the object of worship being the sun disc represented in some distortion.

We were drawn to spend some time, as you would call it, scanning the peoples for a serious interest amounting to a seeking with which we might help without infringement.

[cloud]

I greet you now; I am a most weary wanderer. I spent my entire life up to this point seeking what was "wrong" with me. My scientific mind desperately needed to find the root problem to what had gone wrong with my life. In doing so, I stumbled over the tip of a gigantic iceberg.

I have had some variable difficulties with social interaction since elementary school, which was mistaken for a child who has difficulty reading because of a stutter-pause filled session of reading aloud to the class. I have also have had extreme difficulties wanting to get a "job" since high school.

I have had a most tumultuous relationship/marriage for my entire adult life, which has more recently left me with only my cat and my thoughts to keep me company. Her leaving was largely due to my state of "funk" that I had been stuck in  after a very serious motorcycle accident 2 years before this posting in Nov 2011. She is a very career driven woman; she has had a thus-far unquenchable desire to seek degrees in higher education. This makes her feel completely useless (historically:to the point of break down at getting fired from her job) unless she is either full time school or work, or both. She projects this upon me, although she wont admit it. I have always been a free soul, though, and know how to resist even the dreaded passive-aggression.

Its been 6 months now since shes been gone... Two things resulted from this, in essence: The first 2 months or so was the lowest point in my life. The second thing was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me in this current incarnation, my awakening. I actually lept into the air and yelled "eureka!" like a big crippled dork.

Since my awakening, I went from someone who has always respected and honored the scientific method and rationalism while being completely apathetic and/or cold to any religion or spirituality; to a spiritual virgin suddenly exposed an entire plane of existence that I had previously discounted as "highly unlikely". I was astonished at what I found, especially when many of my metaphysical, science-only based theories just before my awakening.

As I have been reading the Ra Material, many (if not all) my metaphysical theories came true in the words of the Ra entity. It has happened more times than I can count now. It is both exhilarating and unsettling, in equal proportions.  It feels so unsettling because so many other times throughout my life, I have always ended up making poor decisions that I have deeply regretted in the past; dwelling upon it in a most negative way. So to have everything come true... is a bizarre sensation to me.

Now I seek the same humble thing I have sought since I was an adolescent: to find a woman to share love with in a meaningful way, and to contribute to the happiness and well-being of society as a whole in some meaningful way. I seek love, knowledge, and also to teach. I value the service to others in regards to love, laughter, and I seek to protect others from pain and slavery.

But the discovery process brought me to the brink, and luckily, back out of my sleeping-stupor that I was stuck in. I feel most weary... And what little I have learned on the proper way to communicate with the majority of the population has been lost to me. Also, I have been almost entirely alone in all this. I dont know a single person "irl" that I can talk to about this. I have 0 support in this, and almost non-existent acceptance and support from my friends and family. I love my wife... and I also love another girl (that I fell in love with before I understood the consequences)... They are the only two people who I become concerned with at the end of this cycle. I fear for them... I do not know if they are ready to graduate or not. I would very much like to graduate with 1 or both of them... I dont want them to get "left behind". The idea of that saddens me deeply. But I wish to move on now; I cant stand the thought of being a 3rd density being on a 3rd density planet, and all the violence, pain, and sorrow that came with it.

But I did not tell you this to dwell on the negatives: I came to share, grow, comfort, and learn. In a more tangible way, I also have been semi-interested meeting people locally so I might seek to channel or possibly seek aid in healing ~myself~ in damaged portions of my body/mind.

I invite you to ask questions freely, I do not offend easily.

It is kind of scary how much we have in common, Parsons.

It sucks not having any support from friends and family, I've tried a few times to share the Ra material and nobody cares about my word or what I have to share. Nobody wants to hear what I have to say. And my parents are devoted Christians. So now I keep quiet. If people try to get advice from me now I sort of  tell them what they want to hear with a touch of the bassline of the Ra material. But nothing too close to it, because for some strange reason everyone in my life doesn't resonate with it. It is so challenging. Even more, the closest thing I have to a best friend is a narcissist and I give him all the empathy. I watch every youtube video he sends me, he doesnt ever look at what I send, if his favorite band (slayer) is in town I go. But if mine is, I'm alone. And I hate slayer. I don't have a job, I really don't know what I want to do, because it is hard to find something that isn't entirely detrimental to nature that makes profit.
I grew up as a fool for an adolescent. It's my fault I'm this alone and I regret how careless I was, how much I mocked everyone just to get my way. I was an ass. When I first awakened I thought things would get easier but they don't they got harder for me and I accept the challenge. I must've meant for all of this when I incarnated anyway. I don't usually rant, sorry.
I'm going to close this reply with I'm here for you brother. I wish I was better at sending positive vibes, but I will give you all I can in that regard. If I get into a good mood, I will give you a sincere thought and hopefully it makes its way to you.

[Parsons]

Thank you, brother (sister?).  As you know, I have felt all this first-hand. It took me several years to heal myself, but I have got to a place that I truly feel happy with me life. Or at least I now fluctuate between a baseline neutral/okay all the way up to truly elated to be alive. The roller coaster is slowly evening out. I still have only a couple close relationships, but for the most part, it's enough for me. I am kind of lone wolf. I posted the OP in late 2011, after being very dysfunctional for probably 10 years. I reached multiple milestones where I thought I had fixed myself (10 months prior to Dec 21st 2012, I felt and acted like a zen-master or something). One year after 2012 I (again) thought I had healed myself. It turned out I was pretty suicidal still (I thought myself and everyone else was going to abruptly transition, which essentially meant dying). I had to heal that 'wanting to leave' feeling. I would say I came to this state around late 2013, maybe 2014. I have my melancholy moments, but they are brief and I have learned how to process things much more effecietly.

One of the biggest things I have gotten very good at is acceptance of my current state of being. It's a lot trickier than it seems because it's easy to trick yourself into thinking you've accepted a particular personality trait, then catch yourself unconsciously slipping out of acceptance (sometimes much later). Once you can accept it, catalyst in that area will actually let up to some degree. Specifically, I have accepted I am a lone wolf. The best way I've come to think about it is likening it to the wildly different types of animals. Try comparing an eagle to a porcupine; they live vastly different lives in vastly different roles. Is one truly 'better' than the other? Should the porcupine go around trying to act like an eagle? Isn't it better for the eagle to act like an eagle, and the porcupine to act like a porcupine? I think it's possible to consciously change your personality, but I think it takes a great deal of time and effort. And if you try to do that, you can't be something that you're not. You can only change your nature if you truly accept and become that nature first. It's kind of like looking at your car parked 10 miles down the road and trying to imagine / will the car to drive down the road. You have to walk up to the car, get in, and gradually drive to your destination. It may seem like a mountain of work looking up at the summit from the bottom, but if you take it one step (one day) at a time, it gets easier and you become pleased with your progress looking behind you down the hill. You just have to keep slowly progressing, however. (Sorry for all the cheesy metaphors   ) Anyways, that's my 2 cents. Do what you will.

As for trying to share the LOO, I never did anything extremely satisfying. I ended up with a close friend that I met at work around mid 2012 whom I later found out has been a very close friend over multiple lifetimes. It's kind of odd though... He's my best friend, but we still very much keep each other arm's length. We stopped working together and started hanging out at a bar a few times a month. I sort of spilled my guts out to him about the LOO and my life philosophy / beliefs. It took me about a year of that to finally go over everything. He's always said that he finds it interesting; he even tried to start reading the LOO a couple times, but it never seemed to take hold. Either way, after I told him my beliefs, I have felt pretty satisfied about it ever since. I let my beliefs color my actions, but practically never tell the source of my philosophy (if it happens to be directly from the LOO material). Mostly I keep to myself. I do have a small desire to speak about the LOO and related philosophy in person, but I mostly get my fix from this forums.


Anyways, I wish you well and hope something I said helps you in some way.

[AnthroHeart]

A friend of mine is such an atheist that he doesn't even believe in anything metaphysical. I showed him a video of a guy who can start fires using chi, and he says it was chemicals.

[kycahi]

A friend of mine is such an atheist that he doesn't even believe in anything metaphysical. I showed him a video of a guy who can start fires using chi, and he says it was chemicals.

It's been approximately forever since I read or posted in these parts. It feels very good to be back, for sure.

I retired and moved to Maui, so am getting more time to do things (still lots of moving / reorganizing), so I will be catching up.

L/L to all!

[AnthroHeart]

I think an atheist that is loving can be just as harvestable as a wanderer who believes. They don't have to recognize the Law of One.

[Parsons]

When I first made the original post of this thread, I was still quite emotionally damaged and confused. I have not edited it or removed it despite that. Instead, I want to share a much more comprehensive / coherent version of my 'Wanderer Story' to contrast how far I've come. Also, I want to give hope to those who may be equally emotionally damaged / confused and show that you can come out of it.

Here's the link:

https://thirddensityalchemist.wordpress....rspective/


Thanks to Plenum for the medium in which to express that.