09-21-2011, 03:16 PM
As I have observed some others to have a measure of success with this, I would like to ask for assistance with a personal issue that I am in the process of resolving. Some of the details are written in my wanderer awakening thread under "THE INCIDENT" if anybody is interested to know more.
The bottom line is that 01 April 03, and the days following, were probably the most stressful days of my life. Among other things, a close friend of many years had a complete psychological breakdown. A part of this involved a delusion that I was conspiring among our friends to have him committed to a mental institution.
Fearing for my own safety- I kicked my friend out of the house and we have been estranged ever since. This continues to be a great source of fear, stress, and anxiety for me as I feel that I played an integral role in his eventual breakdown. Although I never did anything to hurt my friend- I was trying to help him all along.
But he has been carrying some deep pain and trauma and I don't think I fully understood the nature of it until recently. Back "in the day" I am afraid I pushed him too hard to confront his inner demons before he was ready and before he could feel safe to do so.
At any rate- it is affecting me in this moment because I am seeking forgiveness and resolution though I am still leery of contacting this individual directly. The last I know, he was still not well, and still quite fixated on me in a negative fashion. And despite my best efforts so far, I still have a fair amount of fear and anger surrounding this incident, and I feel it wouldn't be helpful to try to reach out to him until I have found some peace within myself.
To be frank, I wonder quite often whether he is going to make another attempt on his life- or even on my life. And soon.
I can't go on like this. Literally. I can't continue to live with this knot of fear/anxiety inside me. I need to move past this in order to go forward. There is nobody left in my life that I have to "clear things up with" besides this individual.
So... my intention is that this "Incident" be resolved in the most peaceful, loving, and joyful manner possible, for the highest good of all involved.
If any would wish to join me in this intention, I would greatly appreciate the support. Namaste.
The bottom line is that 01 April 03, and the days following, were probably the most stressful days of my life. Among other things, a close friend of many years had a complete psychological breakdown. A part of this involved a delusion that I was conspiring among our friends to have him committed to a mental institution.
Fearing for my own safety- I kicked my friend out of the house and we have been estranged ever since. This continues to be a great source of fear, stress, and anxiety for me as I feel that I played an integral role in his eventual breakdown. Although I never did anything to hurt my friend- I was trying to help him all along.
But he has been carrying some deep pain and trauma and I don't think I fully understood the nature of it until recently. Back "in the day" I am afraid I pushed him too hard to confront his inner demons before he was ready and before he could feel safe to do so.
At any rate- it is affecting me in this moment because I am seeking forgiveness and resolution though I am still leery of contacting this individual directly. The last I know, he was still not well, and still quite fixated on me in a negative fashion. And despite my best efforts so far, I still have a fair amount of fear and anger surrounding this incident, and I feel it wouldn't be helpful to try to reach out to him until I have found some peace within myself.
To be frank, I wonder quite often whether he is going to make another attempt on his life- or even on my life. And soon.
I can't go on like this. Literally. I can't continue to live with this knot of fear/anxiety inside me. I need to move past this in order to go forward. There is nobody left in my life that I have to "clear things up with" besides this individual.
So... my intention is that this "Incident" be resolved in the most peaceful, loving, and joyful manner possible, for the highest good of all involved.
If any would wish to join me in this intention, I would greatly appreciate the support. Namaste.