Today I had the most remarkable day that I can remember. I was given the forgivness and love of the one creator. For the first time opening the heart to the infinite river of love.
If you have read my intruductionary thread(http://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2741) then you know that my life has been filled with so much hurt, so much pain. Choosing STO and love as principle I knew that I was inhibited. Should I have choosen STS the pain would have become a usable tool towards reaching a high level of negative polarity. But that was never my desire. I simply asked myself a long time ago "what kind of world would I like to live in?" and went in the direction that my answer was in. Love.
Having been seemingly endlessly hurt by others I set out to heal. At some point I knew that forgivness among other things was going to be needed in order to heal. Forgiving some things were somewhat easy but soooooo many of the experiences were unforgivable. It was not that I diddnt want to forgive. I was unable to forgive. No matter how much I declared forgivness it diddnt happen. I still felt rage and anger towards others. The pain was unbearable but I lived with it every day.
Still having faith in the forgivness I set out and searched for a solution. Patiently I looked and finally came across my salvation. I was tought by Ron Williams. Specificly this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tNJn5eOr...ure=relmfu
He had similiar circumstances, he had a hard time forgiving. Unable to forgive. A "forgive button" that diddnt work. The Similarities caught my attention and I was given the solution. It connected with my because of that. Others have said things like "the lord forgives!" and has been only words for me. In his prayer to god he asked for gods forgivness for where he could not forgive. So I did the same.
I set into prayer and called with words. God, the one creater, the infinite one. Name doesnt mean anything for the infinite one. Whatever that works for you is allright. We are understood no matter what verbal words we come up with.
Emidietly I felt a presence and a focus on me. I knew that I had attention. The mere presence humbled me in a way that I had never felt before. It made my prepaired speech very honest and smooth. I shortly explained my whole pain and that I was very weary and tired and that I too was unable to forgive. I asked(almost begged) for his/her/its forgivness that I could give to others.
As if old, rusty doors that were shut and suddenly opened I was overflowed with love. That was the most releasing moment that I can remember and it washed away all the old built up anger, pain and hurt. I then asked "please give me some forgivness for myself as well, for all the pain that I myself have caused". The tears that I had not wept in years were almost automatic. And so I was in euphoria and exhiliration for some minutes.
When it was over I was in a state of love. Pain and anger all gone. I could live in the now with the suffering removed from my shoulders. As the Q guys said that one could stand in a river of love and still thirst for it. The one helped me open thoose valves that I had shut myself and could not open by myself.
All I did was ask.
If you have read my intruductionary thread(http://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2741) then you know that my life has been filled with so much hurt, so much pain. Choosing STO and love as principle I knew that I was inhibited. Should I have choosen STS the pain would have become a usable tool towards reaching a high level of negative polarity. But that was never my desire. I simply asked myself a long time ago "what kind of world would I like to live in?" and went in the direction that my answer was in. Love.
Having been seemingly endlessly hurt by others I set out to heal. At some point I knew that forgivness among other things was going to be needed in order to heal. Forgiving some things were somewhat easy but soooooo many of the experiences were unforgivable. It was not that I diddnt want to forgive. I was unable to forgive. No matter how much I declared forgivness it diddnt happen. I still felt rage and anger towards others. The pain was unbearable but I lived with it every day.
Still having faith in the forgivness I set out and searched for a solution. Patiently I looked and finally came across my salvation. I was tought by Ron Williams. Specificly this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tNJn5eOr...ure=relmfu
He had similiar circumstances, he had a hard time forgiving. Unable to forgive. A "forgive button" that diddnt work. The Similarities caught my attention and I was given the solution. It connected with my because of that. Others have said things like "the lord forgives!" and has been only words for me. In his prayer to god he asked for gods forgivness for where he could not forgive. So I did the same.
I set into prayer and called with words. God, the one creater, the infinite one. Name doesnt mean anything for the infinite one. Whatever that works for you is allright. We are understood no matter what verbal words we come up with.
Emidietly I felt a presence and a focus on me. I knew that I had attention. The mere presence humbled me in a way that I had never felt before. It made my prepaired speech very honest and smooth. I shortly explained my whole pain and that I was very weary and tired and that I too was unable to forgive. I asked(almost begged) for his/her/its forgivness that I could give to others.
As if old, rusty doors that were shut and suddenly opened I was overflowed with love. That was the most releasing moment that I can remember and it washed away all the old built up anger, pain and hurt. I then asked "please give me some forgivness for myself as well, for all the pain that I myself have caused". The tears that I had not wept in years were almost automatic. And so I was in euphoria and exhiliration for some minutes.
When it was over I was in a state of love. Pain and anger all gone. I could live in the now with the suffering removed from my shoulders. As the Q guys said that one could stand in a river of love and still thirst for it. The one helped me open thoose valves that I had shut myself and could not open by myself.
All I did was ask.
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