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11-14-2020, 10:19 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-14-2020, 11:00 PM by Black Dragon.)
This sounds archetypically so much like a situation that happened in my own life(kind of a long story), but yours is more extreme and complicated. I had to burn all bridges completely. I'm going to need to read through a few more times, sit down in a bit here when I've got my head clear, and I'll share my own story and perspectives. Not saying I can give you a definitive answer or be some authority on what will work for you, but I will do my best to help.
11-14-2020, 10:58 PM
Something similar happened with someone i knew back in the past. He went in a direction which could be described as self-serving, negativist, separatist. It was his own way. His choice. Nothing to do about it.
11-14-2020, 11:46 PM
I think you might be putting too much responsibility and blame on yourself for other's actions, it's your friend's choice whether they want to keep contact and listen to your roommate, perhaps that is what they need at this time to later grow and choose for themselves.
If it's worrying and affecting you negatively then perhaps your best action is to stay away until you are more balanced to be unswayed. Whatever your roommate may try and influence them, you can always at a later time be of service to them just by your balanced presence, perhaps individually. So I'd say don't be afraid or overthink, remember that all is well and that there are no mistakes.
11-15-2020, 06:52 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-15-2020, 06:57 AM by Black Dragon.)
I'm about to sleep for the night. Sorry I haven't gotten back, but my head hasn't been too clear today. I will give the full story at a later time or in a PM(there's so much, and would require many paragraphs), but will try to sum it up now(and it will still be long). In 2013 or 2014 when I was in my early 20's after I'd come out of a long slump and life was pretty ok. I had a small group of close friends that would hang together, and one of the things some of us would do is play Yu-Gi-Oh(a trading card game).
One time at the card shop between matches, A friend and I are at the shop and some acquaintances/ players there offered to hit the bong, and since I didn't have a job to worry about it and had smoked weed once or twice, I wen. It became a regular thing(which was my own distortions and choices for sure, a whole different but inter-related story), and one of the "smoke buddies" became more of an actual friend to me, though sort of outside the context of my other friends group, which I eventually spent less time with and more smoking weed(for several reasons/distortions that are peripheral to but not the main point of this story). This new friend of mine, let's call him Ferny(because that's basically his name), became more like a brother to me, and he was on hard times and crashing at my place(I live with my parents by the way, and this was a rough time between them with family drama). He was(or gave the appearance of being) laid back, but honest and hard working. He was kind and courteous, always helped out, was good for conversation and pleasant to be around-we had fun just bullshitting and laughing and smoking weed, and I felt he could understand me because he was interested in spiritual seeking and fringe topics, at least from the perspective of discussion and theorizing(this was a time when I had just jumped heavily into my own seeking). I had many philosophical discussions that seemed to indicate he was on the same page more or less, from a morality point of view. There were some indicators all was not 100% straight forward with the guy, but didn't notice until after he had moved up to Seattle and went through all sorts of bad luck and came back, that we was really looking for handouts and was sort of moochy and manipulative. He was always pretty secretive. At this point a couple of my other friends group actually owns their own small card shop at which they host tournaments. I just got done in a text conversation with Ferny about making spiritual progress/evolution, and he seemed all hyped and positive like "yeah I'm doin it" sorta thing, like he'd just discovered something or crossed some new threshold and was successfully applying something to his life. He also mentioned all these expensive cards by name he "came up on". Well, I get a text from my other buddy that runs the shop and...a player at the tournament(wasn't there myself that day), one who's cool with everybody(this is a tight nit card gaming community where everyone really knows each other and stuff) had his deck stolen. The deck list was the exact same cards Ferny "came up on", and everyone at the shop already basically knew it was him. I put it all together, along with some stuff he'd said to me before when he was living at my place that pissed me off. He definitely stole that deck it was obvious-and I think maybe since I was closer with him at the moment than them and had defended him before, that maybe I'd be shocked-or even try to cover for him. Nope. I just threw him straight under the bus and said "Yeah he definitely did. He was bragging about getting a bunch of card earlier, and they were those ones". I texted him "dude (other friend) texted me, he knows you stole that guy's deck. f*** that s***. I' don't want any part of that. I basically slammed the door in his face and didn't talk to him again. Saw him around a couple times, never really talked to him again. The conversation we had when he was living with me that pissed me off was him criticizing me for being "lazy" and "Thinking too much" instead or going out and working and doing all that jazz. Ferny was a guy who could work hard when he had to(though I found later preferred taking advantage of people when he could) and he spent his life going from shitty job to shitty job-always hard, miserable, and didn't pay enough to keep him afloat. Seeing so many people live like him is one of many reasons I just never jumped head first into the "job" world-why I'd rather think and strategize and try to make it on my own terms then playing by society's game and getting played. I said something like "I really don't want to be a functioning/supporting part of their(negative elite) societal system, I'd rather do s*** on my own terms"-and his reply was something along the lines of "Well at least those people are going out there and doing life, making something of themselves, etc." Well I though back-I had definitely explained the difference between STO and STS on a couple occasions. I looked back and saw that all of Ferny's seeking had been self-seeking, and not in a good way, like seeking to know the self better, I mean this guy made like a conscious choice of starting down the STS path. I always though this guy must understand me, he must be a wanderer just like me if I ever met one. Well maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but he's a dumbass and not the caliber of person I thought he was. After that, good riddance. Ignorance, error, acting from the shadow is one thing, but I don't choose to acquaint or associate myself with anyone I know to be consciously polarizing towards STS, that's an immediate bridge-burner for me...but my situation was so much easier, because at the time I slammed the door, he was no longer my room mate, and he had no influence in the rest of my circle of friends. Those are the two big issues I'm thinking you might have. That being said, trying to keep this guy contained/under your thumb and play a continuous war of attrition with him to mitigate him from completely manipulating the rest of your friends for the rest of your life doesn't seem like a good long-term goal. What would happen if you gave him an ultimatum, that if he continues down that road you can't continue to associate with him? Would the rest of your friends take his side or still hang with him? Have you tried warning each of them very personally and sincerely, that this guy's manipulating them towards self-destruction every chance he gets? These guys only win when you play a war of attrition with them and beat around the bush. They tend to get frazzled when you approach them directly, call them out bluntly and cut them out of your life completely. I don't think he'll have too much of a "strategy" to deal with that approach.
11-15-2020, 08:48 PM
I have a feeling that whatever negative impact a person such as your friend, Samudtar, may have on your circle, would not last. Just because your circle of friends has also his own tiny inside voice which will direct them, you may trust that, it doesn't fail mid term. Best wishes
11-15-2020, 09:31 PM
Is Ra to blame for it? What about Carla, Don and Jim? The great creator that gave rise to us all? What crime would they be committing if they were to take the fall on this issue?
What was in your heart when you first spoke to your friend?
11-16-2020, 07:54 AM
This situation as presented by you evokes a sense of building chaos that surrounds you. I would suggest to consider how this reflects your inward perspective.
It sounds like your friend is not all that STS oriented at all, quite honestly. He sounds like someone who feels powerless, out of control, and seeking to feel better about himself through largely unconscious modes of behavior. You seem to feel that you have some sense of responsibility for his state and actions since you have introduced him to some of your spiritual beliefs. Further, it seems you feel a sense of responsibility for everyone else's thoughts, actions, and beliefs as a result of his own. My friend, I would ask you to consider that you are seeing a reflection of what you fear in yourself. This sense of responsibility speaks less of understanding the extent of your will in regards to another's, and more to the sense of powerlessness and loss of control you feel in yourself and in the situation at hand. What need is there for you to curb your friend's actions, even if they do influence another? Why does your friend group require your service in illuminating to them that they are potentially being manipulated? Do you not trust their actions, their thoughts, their discernment, their will; is your own so much more radiant and understood that it may usurp theirs? This is not admonishment. I urge you to consider less what you shall do amongst your outward friends and consider your own relationship amongst those inward friends that seem quite afraid. Offer yourself compassion and the grace to accept that perhaps you may not have the answers for others or even yourself. That is perfectly well. As you reflect on uncertainty, remember those truly beautiful qualities within yourself. Is a desire for control or power outside the confines of love? Is it not possible that an anxious seeking for power and control is merely a wayward distortion of what was once firm faith that you are indeed already of service as you are? |
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