Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
11-25-2019, 02:27 PM,
#1
Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
I feel that the Law of One community may be the best place for me to talk about this as it is very objective. I am not awakened. At least I do not consider myself to be.

For a long time I thought that I was awakening.

Someone made contact with me outlining the following:
- Humans are more powerful than we are taught to believe in society
- There is only one eternal present moment
- Our free will is manipulated by beings who lie to us

Before I met this person my life was largely tragic. I had an extremely close bond with my mother. This was due to an absent father, she depended on me. I was raised a Pentecostal Christian. I slept in my mother’s bed until I was twelve.

When I was 18 she died. I could not handle this. I leaned on my father who, in his own unconsciousness and grief, made it a hundred times worse for me by abusing me and leaving me to feel abandoned.
My sister died shortly after. After trying to lean on dad again the cycle repeated itself and I lost the plot. Started sleeping in graveyards and entering into risky relationships along with stringing along a girlfriend who I treated more like a harem for over two years.

When this person came into my life I was at a low. But things started to pick up. This is when I had my “awakening” experience.

This person, an older man, father of five, disclosed all of this to me and told me that my mother had left behind a piece of her spirit.
He told me she is not trapped. That when she died she realised what was going on and accepted it. That she had seen a spot where I had already made it - made it to Oneness - the experience of rest in that we are all just one being, and that our entire lives were just one moment.

I was involved with this man for two years. At the start of this year moving in with him. There was an overwhelming sense of peace and love being introduced to me. He started growing his hair out long, keeping it tied up most of the time. Sometimes he would begin to talk to me and I would recognise my mothers voice.

Even up until this point, I have been very ego identified. I tried to take this experience and make it all about me and the fact that “I” was everyone else. Controlling the experience. This was a disaster.

The last sort of “words” I heard from this person from my mother were:
- “Some people choose to live through guilt.”
- “I’m worried about Joey (me)”
- “He’s innocent. He doesn’t understand the consequences for his actions.”
- “Do you want to be alone in the darkness?”

This friend of mine told me that his awakening experience in 2014 was brought about by my mother, who wanted to provide a way for me to clear up all the trauma. I didn’t choose this.

There was not a “point” where he stopped this, and it changed. He would roll up his sleeves at certain times and snort as a response to what he felt was a part of me that my mum didn’t recognise. This ‘part’ was something to do with a fictitious identity I had created for myself surrounding the internet and my father.

This eventually became so overwhelming that I made a rash decision to start sleeping on the streets. My dad has an accident on his pushbike and hit a tree - he has brain damage as of about three months ago. This friend said to me “that fracture IS the trauma”.

I went to a homeless shelter. My friend suggested to me that if I know what’s good for me I’ll spend time by dads side.
I don’t understand, but I feel that rather than taking the opportunity to clear the trauma through what was being manifested I instead projected whatever it was onto my dad.

The peace feeling has mostly left. One of the last things he said to me before we stopped communicating fully was “you need to follow this to the end and accept it” and “imagine you can move anywhere from where you are without actually moving” and “there is no grace for them”.

I have been in a mostly constant state of worry as to what is going to happen to me. From your perspective there may seem to be many directions I can move, but I feel literally physically constricted and as if I have immense pain stored in my body.

Two days ago a dorm mate came in and offered me a drug. It was very pleasant. Like an opiate high. About twelve hours ago he came back with something similar: I smoked it and I have felt horrible since. I am much better now but for most of the night I was unable to stop moving around and thinking. I felt very different after taking it.

The other dorm mate came back about two hours ago and started saying to me “this was all planned, I can’t tell you about who or what” and “if you f*** any of the mothers in my family you will die”.

The reason this friend and I stopped talking was because I could not handle the implications he was putting forward. He arranged all his children’s play equipment to face my room. He aligned all his kids bikes in a row out the front of his house with an old man’s stroller in the middle. For quite a long time I was concerned that there was a feminine consciousness drawing me in to something horrible like this, as my friends mum would talk to me seductively and lift her dress up around me, and put a painting of an old cottage house in lush green fields in the doorway of her bedroom. I realise how ridiculous this may sound, but I assure you I am not making it up.

I feel very dissociated. Earlier this year - only five months ago - I was completely different. More like my child self from when I was little. There was not much I needed to do. I only needed to take a small leap into where my mum was - a sea of blackness in which we have both been waves emerging from in this life. Of course, I have not experienced this blackness and largely been running from it.

Now I feel like that child, swamped over by years of false personality and abuse, and an introduced element of psychotic-like symptoms and dissociation. I should not have taken this drug earlier today.

Essentially what I am after is some feedback on what I am going through in spite of the uniqueness in my perception and interpretation of what has happened to me.

Can a being truly find themselves alone in the darkness?
I will elaborate here by saying that for my whole life, due to attachment and trauma, I have known myself as ME IN RELATION TO MY MOTHER. Even at age 25, years after her death, I do not have a fully established identity separate from her and my father.
I take it that my mother, or the piece of her spirit left behind, does not want me to cling to her like this, and there is much horror to be faced in order to separate this false element that she does not recognise in the clinging (as the ego must “die”) from the child that is one with her.
I ask can a being truly be alone in the darkness, as that is where I assume I will be if I cannot let go and what may ensue from it.

Will my physical complex eventually die even if I can never properly let go of my mum? Will this death feel like being alone in the dark - say, if I were held in the middle astral planes for healing to process everything that happened in this life and somehow forgive myself? Keeping in mind that my friend said there is “no grace for them”.
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11-25-2019, 04:06 PM, (This post was last modified: 11-25-2019, 04:13 PM by Kaaron.)
#2
RE: Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
What you focus on, is your reality.
Analyze your thoughts.
How many are loving?
Can you remember the origin of the thought?
Was it born in acceptance or resistance?

Start by letting go of expectation of what is.
Darkness is not a chosen state of disconnection.
Darkness is love...sound.
Manifested light, in potentiality.
As we add intention, it colors the love and raises the vibration...until light manifests.
The feeling of the light...is dependent on the focus of the self manifesting.

This is how we create the illusion.

I've been through a similar experience with someone channeling energy n giving me messages from other densities, in real time. Their whole essence or way of being changes...their voice...they even have different mannerisms.

I found this is very subjective...as in...the messages "flavor", is solely dependent on the channels level of clarity. In other words...they are just as corruptible as anyone else. This can lead to giving your power to someone who may have distortions themselves. I ended up leaving and taking my then partner, with me.
There was sumerian spoken and more than one entity.

I feel that the path to balance...is acceptance.
Instead of trying to change things...or feel like things are "out of control", try to change the way you see your catalyst.
Nothing is happening TO you.
It is happening THROUGH you.
How you react...or don't...is all you have a choice about.
The more you expect a certain path or way...that is not in alignment with your higher self, you get put in situations where you are FORCED to look at that expectation and how it is limiting your infinite perspective.

Your path sounds alot like mine.
Raised JW...lost alot of family including children etc. Mother n daddy issues.

Sit quietly.
Dont judge ANYTHING.
Let the ideas come and go...see all as perfect and be kind to yourself.
Remember that things have occurred to allow you contrast for great potential.
Accept and let the emotions free.
Cry and surrender.
You'll find your own answer...in surrender my bro.
Heart
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11-26-2019, 03:07 AM,
#3
RE: Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
Great suggestions by Kaaron, but I believe, in the state you're in right now, you need a really good guide/mentor/teacher ASAP.
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11-26-2019, 11:33 AM,
#4
RE: Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
Here are my thoughts:

There are no absolutes so no, in my opinion there is no fated outcome no matter how you navigate this particular life. This is an infinite existence with infinite possibilities. A shift in focus may help, even though that can be very challenging, since we dig grooves in our paths and inertia keeps us stuck to the familiar.

I would concentrate on shifting focus, so you can bring yourself into better balance. The first thing is to make sure to take good care of your physical body: eat well; exercise; don't do drugs or alcohol.

Work on your sense of self, self-esteem, individuality. Take charge of your life and decide who you want to be and what you want do. Some tips: always use good posture whether walking or sitting. Say one good thing about yourself everyday out loud (it has to be something true, and everybody no matter who has at least one good thing). Focus on your goals in life and commit to them 100%. Make sure you get out into nature and out of human environments once in a while. Avoid too much media/device time. Learn to set healthy boundaries—this isn't easy for a lot of people. One step toward that is to learn to say "no."

Quote:If you have trouble saying no, try this:

For one week, say "no" to everything (within reason). You can use the excuse that you are doing an exercise, if this is too uncomfortable. Blame it on a book you’re reading (this one!). The point of this exercise is to experience how it feels. By saying “no,” you will feel the relief from certain things you really did not want, or have the time, to do. This will jumpstart your ability to make good time-management decisions without emotional responses.

Around the age 28-30, there is a major event called the first Saturn return in astrology. It coincides with the brain's frontal lobe completing full development. Many people "get their act together" at this point or make major life decisions/changes. The twenties can be a crazy time. 
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Kaaron
11-26-2019, 04:33 PM,
#5
RE: Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
(11-26-2019, 03:07 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  Great suggestions by Kaaron, but I believe, in the state you're in right now, you need a really good guide/mentor/teacher ASAP.
Perhaps this is the reason for his question?
I find it good to come here and get advice from people, who have the same basic belief structure ie. The Ra material.
Alot of people are good at healing...they aren't necessarily fully aware of psychological concepts or energy vampires etc.
This place has alot of concentration on the Law of One.
I spent alot of time looking for a teacher or guide...only to realize I am my own guide...its all in me.
Forgiveness is the step that will help release the expectation.
Love and forgive yourself.
Diana has awesome methodology.
It's good to ground and do normal sh!t too.
Go for walks and eat better.
Try to understand that there are always energy payments or rebalancing clauses, worked into our energy body.
Drugs can help intense epiphanies manifest but they are always going to have a draining effect "at the other end".
I don't get the feeling you're keen on that path...more that you are desperate and willing to try whatever you can.
The boundaries suggestion is awesome.
Also...if you find yourself upset...don't act for 24 hours.
Just sit with it.
Remember everything happens perfectly and waiting ain't gonna kill you.
Then you can get a fuller array of emotion without manifesting as much physically.
If you still want to act out what you initially felt...after 24 hours...go for it.
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RitaJC
11-30-2019, 07:30 AM,
#6
RE: Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
(11-26-2019, 04:33 PM)Kaaron Wrote:  
(11-26-2019, 03:07 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  Great suggestions by Kaaron, but I believe, in the state you're in right now, you need a really good guide/mentor/teacher ASAP.
Perhaps this is the reason for his question?
I find it good to come here and get advice from people, who have the same basic belief structure ie. The Ra material.
Alot of people are good at healing...they aren't necessarily fully aware of psychological concepts or energy vampires etc.
This place has alot of concentration on the Law of One.
I spent alot of time looking for a teacher or guide...only to realize I am my own guide...its all in me.
Forgiveness is the step that will help release the expectation.
Love and forgive yourself.
Diana has awesome methodology.
It's good to ground and do normal sh!t too.
Go for walks and eat better.
Try to understand that there are always energy payments or rebalancing clauses, worked into our energy body.
Drugs can help intense epiphanies manifest but they are always going to have a draining effect "at the other end".
I don't get the feeling you're keen on that path...more that you are desperate and willing to try whatever you can.
The boundaries suggestion is awesome.
Also...if you find yourself upset...don't act for 24 hours.
Just sit with it.
Remember everything happens perfectly and waiting ain't gonna kill you.
Then you can get a fuller array of emotion without manifesting as much physically.
If you still want to act out what you initially felt...after 24 hours...go for it.

There was someone who was assisting me in my learning for years. This individual disclosed everything about free will to me.

About five months ago he left me to fend for myself. Almost doing a 180 degree turnaround. The nature of my traumas were severe, and I cannot orient myself which is why I reach out here. Law of One may not be the place, although I cry to Ra, Q’uo, Hatonn, Latwii, Yadda and Laiton most nights asking for guidance.

It would be very difficult to find a proper guide. But I am trying. Most are dedicated to a religion or specific esoteric teaching. In the future I may become a monk, I don’t know. I’m not there yet, but the confusion and desperation is very real to me.
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11-30-2019, 07:10 PM, (This post was last modified: 11-30-2019, 07:21 PM by Kaaron.)
#7
RE: Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
(11-30-2019, 07:30 AM)Celestial Wrote:  
(11-26-2019, 04:33 PM)Kaaron Wrote:  
(11-26-2019, 03:07 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  Great suggestions by Kaaron, but I believe, in the state you're in right now, you need a really good guide/mentor/teacher ASAP.
Perhaps this is the reason for his question?
I find it good to come here and get advice from people, who have the same basic belief structure ie. The Ra material.
Alot of people are good at healing...they aren't necessarily fully aware of psychological concepts or energy vampires etc.
This place has alot of concentration on the Law of One.
I spent alot of time looking for a teacher or guide...only to realize I am my own guide...its all in me.
Forgiveness is the step that will help release the expectation.
Love and forgive yourself.
Diana has awesome methodology.
It's good to ground and do normal sh!t too.
Go for walks and eat better.
Try to understand that there are always energy payments or rebalancing clauses, worked into our energy body.
Drugs can help intense epiphanies manifest but they are always going to have a draining effect "at the other end".
I don't get the feeling you're keen on that path...more that you are desperate and willing to try whatever you can.
The boundaries suggestion is awesome.
Also...if you find yourself upset...don't act for 24 hours.
Just sit with it.
Remember everything happens perfectly and waiting ain't gonna kill you.
Then you can get a fuller array of emotion without manifesting as much physically.
If you still want to act out what you initially felt...after 24 hours...go for it.

There was someone who was assisting me in my learning for years. This individual disclosed everything about free will to me.

About five months ago he left me to fend for myself. Almost doing a 180 degree turnaround. The nature of my traumas were severe, and I cannot orient myself which is why I reach out here. Law of One may not be the place, although I cry to Ra, Q’uo, Hatonn, Latwii, Yadda and Laiton most nights asking for guidance.

It would be very difficult to find a proper guide. But I am trying. Most are dedicated to a religion or specific esoteric teaching. In the future I may become a monk, I don’t know. I’m not there yet, but the confusion and desperation is very real to me.
Same thing happened in my experience in 2017.
Crying...angry...confused.
Asking for help...asking to die.
I spent months netting crystals and doing s*** to make myself move forward.
It's a case of just pushing through it.
It may be that you were giving your power away.
That's what I was doing.
Relying on the relationship as a safety net...running ideas past my partner, kind of like checking to see if I'm right.
It was student teacher...on both sides...yet this led to codependency.
We had a child together, I had to go through losing my partner, fellow student of the Law of One and best friend...not to mention my son being there everyday. I came to see my other son...then the day before I was due to go back on the bus...my partner told me not to. I didn't even get to explain anything to my son.
I'm 39 and have already gone through losing my 18 n 20 year olds...at age 3 n 5. Then abortions and miscarriages...gang life.
So I really thought I was on the right path.
The universe just seems to find that one thing that will break you...and use it. It's called catalyst but it feels like the higherself choosing for me. Like free will here is an illusion.
If I want to stay in this place of codependency...surely free will dictates I can? No...I have one choice...how I react to what is already chosen. I feel this is the only free will we really have.
How you see it...is all you can decide. The rest will keep agitating us, until we accept what we already chose.
Maybe it's you recognizing this and stepping out into the unknown.
It feels like hell...I've been there.
Sometimes it's not about finding a teacher or guide...its about learning to be your own.
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11-30-2019, 09:11 PM, (This post was last modified: 11-30-2019, 09:12 PM by Great Central Sun.)
#8
RE: Healing Process for Intense and Severe Trauma
(11-30-2019, 07:30 AM)Celestial Wrote:  There was someone who was assisting me in my learning for years. This individual disclosed everything about free will to me.About five months ago he left me to fend for myself. Almost doing a 180 degree turnaround. The nature of my traumas were severe, and I cannot orient myself which is why I reach out here. Law of One may not be the place, although I cry to Ra, Q’uo, Hatonn, Latwii, Yadda and Laiton most nights asking for guidance. It would be very difficult to find a proper guide. But I am trying. Most are dedicated to a religion or specific esoteric teaching. In the future I may become a monk, I don’t know. I’m not there yet, but the confusion and desperation is very real to me.

I'm thinking of becoming a Buddhist monk in the future too.
But it will be at least 6 months for me to think about it before making that decision.
Maybe even 4 years or more till my dog passes away.

Doubt everything. Find your own light. - Buddha
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