avoidant dismissive attachment
09-10-2019, 07:31 PM, (This post was last modified: 09-10-2019, 10:43 PM by Glow.)
#1
avoidant dismissive attachment
I have been reading about this the last few years.

Just recently I have experienced a close friend falling back into this old habit after a few years of doing quite well connecting to their inner self, soul and loved ones. They about 6 months ago started disconnecting from their soul and heart and has fallen back into dismissing all their own emotions as well as emotional connections to loved ones. They describe the feeling of repulsion when feeling loved and has simply switched off all bonds to their deeper self and those they has been close to. Empathy for self and other-selves is now fully absent.

It is a pretty sad thing. Over the last decade this person has moved towards healing several times each time shocking me with their spiritual core and depth of heart but each time things conspire to send them back to the depths of slumber and detachment.

I find it interesting and sad in context to STS needing to suppress the heart and empathy as this attachment style actually also does this as a coping mechanism. It craves intimacy deep down but due to trauma instead one learns to dismiss its emotions and the emotions of the people closest to them, actually feeling disdain for loved ones who show love or express love.

Recently they has moved into pure hate and anger at every one and every thing and that seems to be all that is left with some unacknowledged but visible to me sadness. There is a quasi intention to keep some contact. Not sure if for future attempts to heal, or to use me and so move deeper into lack of empathy/narcissism, or perhaps they are just undecided so holding on a bit for now.

I wondered if any one else had experienced the parallel behavior in this attachment style. It has always seemed they needed a hand/support in trying to break free from these old patterns and has faught valiantly in other years, this year they are losing the battle at least for now.

Reminds me of a being trying to learn to switch polarity from early sts to sto without having polarized far enough that the change is easy like Ra stated happened at 6D- and finding some parts quite tricky.

Anyways this is a wanderer that took on much to much, very fool hardy and I hope deeply they will reunite with their soul soon.

I know inside is a being of beautiful light.

Anyways just saw the similar pattern and thought it metaphysically significant, apparently 25% of the population has this attachment style.
It must be and incredible fight to attempt to heal.
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09-10-2019, 07:46 PM,
#2
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
That sucks. I know it's hard to heal from old pain and sometimes, you become very negative to cope, and it only makes things worse, giving you more reason to be negative. I dunno if this person is a wanderer. Perhaps they are if these are their life challenges. I know that anger and hate very well. It is possible this friend of yours will have lucid moments, but if they don't actively try to break the cycle, they'll probably just get worse, sadly. Perhaps Agua may have some advice regarding this friend of yours? I struggle too much with my own issues to know how to help your friend, unfortunately.
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09-10-2019, 07:47 PM,
#3
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
Also, 25%?! You sure about that?
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09-10-2019, 07:57 PM, (This post was last modified: 09-10-2019, 08:10 PM by Glow.)
#4
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-10-2019, 07:46 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:  That sucks. I know it's hard to heal from old pain and sometimes, you become very negative to cope, and it only makes things worse, giving you more reason to be negative. I dunno if this person is a wanderer. Perhaps they are if these are their life challenges. I know that anger and hate very well. It is possible this friend of yours will have lucid moments, but if they don't actively try to break the cycle, they'll probably just get worse, sadly. Perhaps Agua may have some advice regarding this friend of yours? I struggle too much with my own issues to know how to help your friend, unfortunately.

Yes they are a wanderer the signs have been explicit, confirmed repeatedly though I am unsure if they were swept into the karmic maelstrom in another life and still trying to get free or if they were born into the horrors they were to as generally done forgive and so doing mop up karma. I will stay as long as my service is requested but no longer expect straight and narrow path toward healing so hopefully not be again so heart broken when they change direction. Otherwise I have use the little personal will I have been taught to harness(from a shaman) and asked entities willing to unite their will with mine to help bring them healing and a return to their soul. I see nothing else I can do but be here if they reach a hand out to again try healing.

The stats are 25% have this avoidant attachment, 25% have anxious and suffered the same types of trauma yet instead it made them move nervously but surely towards attachment vs away and open the heart to connection and empathy, the remaining are called secure attachment and they are the 50% majority who are comfortable with connection and have varying degrees of need for it and empathy.
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09-11-2019, 01:07 AM, (This post was last modified: 09-11-2019, 01:17 AM by EvolvingPhoenix.)
#5
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-10-2019, 07:57 PM)Glow Wrote:  
(09-10-2019, 07:46 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:  That sucks. I know it's hard to heal from old pain and sometimes, you become very negative to cope, and it only makes things worse, giving you more reason to be negative. I dunno if this person is a wanderer. Perhaps they are if these are their life challenges. I know that anger and hate very well. It is possible this friend of yours will have lucid moments, but if they don't actively try to break the cycle, they'll probably just get worse, sadly. Perhaps Agua may have some advice regarding this friend of yours? I struggle too much with my own issues to know how to help your friend, unfortunately.

Yes they are a wanderer the signs have been explicit, confirmed repeatedly though I am unsure if they were swept into the karmic maelstrom in another life and still trying to get free or if they were born into the horrors they were to as generally done forgive and so doing mop up karma.  I will stay as long as my service is requested but no longer expect straight and narrow path toward healing so hopefully not be again so heart broken when they change direction. Otherwise I have use the little personal will I have been taught to harness(from a shaman) and asked entities willing to unite their will with mine to help bring them healing and a return to their soul. I see nothing else I can do but be here if they reach a hand out to again try healing.

The stats are 25% have this avoidant attachment, 25% have anxious and suffered the same types of trauma yet instead it made them move nervously but surely towards attachment vs away and open the heart to connection and empathy, the remaining are called secure attachment and they are the 50% majority who are comfortable with connection and have varying degrees of need for it and empathy.

I seriously envy that 50%

I am working hard to become one among them. Until then, I'm in the second group you mentioned, I think. I really hope for your friend that they heal themselves. I know all too well the pain of reaching out and then reverting to my olf negative ways and lashing out at people who care for me. It's a horrible cycle to be stuck in, and it feels like hell. Your friend has my deepest sympathies.

Side note: How do you know if somebody is a wanderer, Glow? What explicit signs and confirmations can show that somebody is a wanderer?

Also, as a person who is themselves "caught up in the karmic maelstrom" I would have to say it looks like your wanderer friend is too.
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09-11-2019, 02:48 PM,
#6
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
I cycle with regard to my systems of mind/body/spirit and this helps me to make progress when I am stalled out. It is unrealistic to maintain 100% effort at all times, so I, intentionally or not, will vary my efforts and involvement.

For example: I work out. Every 8-12 weeks, I'll take a week or more off, not only to recover, but to lose a little ground so that when I get back at it, I can make some progress. I start to feel a little soft and that motivates me. When I get back at, I am more focused and my work outs feel fresher. I am able to generate intensity a lot easier than if I have been at it hard for a long time already. I do the same thing with my diet. I generally eat very clean, but every now and then, I will intentionally fall off the wagon and eat some crap. I generally don't last more than about 2 days doing this because terrible food drags me down on multiple levels. Bad food does bad things and occasionally re-experiencing this is very motivating. Anyway, when I get back on my nutrition plan, I am much more on point.

I find the same is true with the intensity of my spiritual seeking. Generally, I am trying. Sometimes I am super focused and invigorated. Other times, I'm NOT focused on my spiritual growth because life is sucking up all my time and energy or maybe, at some level, that system just needs a break and it takes it. When I come back around to active seeking, I am more energetic and curious. Ra talked about our biorhythms and that is probably what is going on.

So maybe this person is cycling between STO and STS so that the return to STO is all the more intense and meaningful.

Maybe, across multiple lives, there are larger cycles of a similar nature going on. An entire life or more could just be part of that cycling so that when the path is resumed, it is all the more meaningful.
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09-11-2019, 08:03 PM,
#7
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-11-2019, 02:48 PM)ttwagneriii Wrote:  I cycle with regard to my systems of mind/body/spirit and this helps me to make progress when I am stalled out.   It is unrealistic to maintain 100% effort at all times, so I, intentionally or not, will vary my efforts and involvement.

For example: I work out.  Every 8-12 weeks, I'll take a week or more off, not only to recover, but to lose a little ground so that when I get back at it, I can make some progress.  I start to feel a little soft and that motivates me.  When I get back at, I am more focused and my work outs feel fresher.   I am able to generate intensity a lot easier than if I have been at it hard for a long time already.   I do the same thing with my diet.  I generally eat very clean, but every now and then, I will intentionally fall off the wagon and eat some crap.  I generally don't last more than about 2 days doing this because terrible food drags me down on multiple levels.  Bad food does bad things and occasionally re-experiencing this is very motivating.  Anyway, when I get back on my nutrition plan, I am much more on point.

I find the same is true with the intensity of my spiritual seeking.  Generally, I am trying.  Sometimes I am super focused and invigorated.  Other times, I'm NOT focused on my spiritual growth because life is sucking up all my time and energy or maybe, at some level, that system just needs a break and it takes it.  When I come back around to active seeking, I am more energetic and curious.  Ra talked about our biorhythms and that is probably what is going on.

So maybe this person is cycling between STO and STS so that the return to STO is all the more intense and meaningful.

Maybe, across multiple lives, there are larger cycles of a similar nature going on.  An entire life or more could just be part of that cycling so that when the path is resumed, it is all the more meaningful.

Well, we have to consider the spiritual biases of the previous lifetimes, or we could say preferences and only they know what they are. Perhaps at a very deep level, but they know whether they are STO or STS and generally do not keeping switching polarity to feel good about the opposite polarity as in it livens them up. We could assume they are of mixed polarity but I'd say this person is probably mixed or positive. I mean afterall, they speak to Glow! Glow has her light on! I will put your friend in my thoughts Glow. It's great that you are sticking by your friend. I would do the same. Blessings!
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09-11-2019, 10:07 PM,
#8
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-11-2019, 01:07 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:  I seriously envy that 50%

I am working hard to become one among them. Until then, I'm in the second group you mentioned, I think. I really hope for your friend that they heal themselves. I know all too well the pain of reaching out and then reverting to my olf negative ways and lashing out at people who care for me. It's a horrible cycle to be stuck in, and it feels like hell. Your friend has my deepest sympathies.

Side note: How do you know if somebody is a wanderer, Glow? What explicit signs and confirmations can show that somebody is a wanderer?

Also, as a person who is themselves "caught up in the karmic maelstrom" I would have to say it looks like your wanderer friend is too.

I would assume having met tones of people and having a large percent spill their guts to me that the bulk of that 50 percent are no luckier than any one else, perhaps except the avoidant. That is a sad situation.

Within the 50% they generally have other issues getting in the way of their intimate connections, their distortions simply present in a different way or they are unconscious. Perhaps some fall here in the sinkhole of indifference because stable just means you are relaxed and expect your connections to last. It doesn't speak of how open the heart is or how great their partners are, or even how open their partners heart is. I am sure there are some lucky ones though thankfully.

My husband is very stable attached and he is kind but his heart is not open terribly far. My heart is more actively open but I am stable, then a bit anxious at times like when the friend above spirals. Stable requires detaching when someone cannot uphold their end of the bond, empathy sometimes means reaching farther to those who need it but cannot reciprocate.

In the case above I have become anxious. I do not want to detach because that will just fuel their fear of bonding with anyone. For their good I need to let them have as much rope as they need. Slowly I am getting better at letting that rope stay long yet remaining stable myself so it is all a process and I do not think nervously(anxiously) seeking attachment in rough waters is necessarily a flaw. lol danger is sometimes there. The avoidant will have to trudge through anxious attachment to reach stable but hopefully they will bring that unconscious/supressed call for unity with them.

In a perverse sort of way I feel like avoidant and anxious have their own gifts, they are certainly on a deep even if subconscious level aware of the longing for unity, one type accepting it and even in the difficulty of facing it still trudges on forward, the other so moved by the draw it has to close it's heart completely to handle it, projecting even to the point of convincing itself that the open heart is folly.

I do not pretend to know how that all works but again it illustrates the STS using it's catalyst(pain) to further close it's heart and by doing so polarize sts. At the same time whether conscious or unconscious the deep self craves to remember itself and return even if only for a while to oneness.

As to the side note question. It has been years(a decade) of nonstop signs sometimes explicit information that was google verifiable given in meditation, Multiple mediums giving me without being asked the same bizarre detailed information, telepathy, shared dreams, shared precognition. Lots more bizarre stuff. Yet he wills himself to forget it all because it hurts to much.(closed blue ray) A loving universe is to large a hope, to be disappointed would be to much. My incarnation seems to have been at least in part a sort of an wanderer extraction/support life and it has been tough enough that my guidance has not gone lightly on the proof.

I do believe you are right and he has been swept into the maelstrom. I have a long rope. Hopefully it is long enough.

Hope that wasn't an incoherent ramble.
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09-11-2019, 10:13 PM,
#9
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-11-2019, 02:48 PM)ttwagneriii Wrote:  I cycle with regard to my systems of mind/body/spirit and this helps me to make progress when I am stalled out.   It is unrealistic to maintain 100% effort at all times, so I, intentionally or not, will vary my efforts and involvement.

For example: I work out.  Every 8-12 weeks, I'll take a week or more off, not only to recover, but to lose a little ground so that when I get back at it, I can make some progress.  I start to feel a little soft and that motivates me.  When I get back at, I am more focused and my work outs feel fresher.   I am able to generate intensity a lot easier than if I have been at it hard for a long time already.   I do the same thing with my diet.  I generally eat very clean, but every now and then, I will intentionally fall off the wagon and eat some crap.  I generally don't last more than about 2 days doing this because terrible food drags me down on multiple levels.  Bad food does bad things and occasionally re-experiencing this is very motivating.  Anyway, when I get back on my nutrition plan, I am much more on point.

I find the same is true with the intensity of my spiritual seeking.  Generally, I am trying.  Sometimes I am super focused and invigorated.  Other times, I'm NOT focused on my spiritual growth because life is sucking up all my time and energy or maybe, at some level, that system just needs a break and it takes it.  When I come back around to active seeking, I am more energetic and curious.  Ra talked about our biorhythms and that is probably what is going on.

So maybe this person is cycling between STO and STS so that the return to STO is all the more intense and meaningful.

Maybe, across multiple lives, there are larger cycles of a similar nature going on.  An entire life or more could just be part of that cycling so that when the path is resumed, it is all the more meaningful.

That is helpful. Perhaps this life wont be the life he remembers permanently and returns to his heart, soul and home density but in a few lives he may be fully back on track. He got quite buried so perhaps any moments of positive polarization, and alignment with his soul is enough to not be swept further into the maelstrom than he was so actually progress.

When you are sinking in the mud, getting out a little at a time and just not sinking further is progress. Thank you for the big picture.
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09-11-2019, 10:29 PM,
#10
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-11-2019, 08:03 PM)kristina Wrote:  Well, we have to consider the spiritual biases of the previous lifetimes, or we could say preferences and only they know what they are. Perhaps at a very deep level, but they know whether they are STO or STS and generally do not keeping switching polarity to feel good about the opposite polarity as in it livens them up. We could assume they are of mixed polarity but I'd say this person is probably mixed or positive. I mean after all, they speak to Glow! Glow has her light on! I will put your friend in my thoughts Glow. It's great that you are sticking by your friend. I would do the same. Blessings!

You are so very sweet Kristina thank you. He definitely is positive STO underneath, undeniable depth of many lives, just whatever this is ain't so great. When he has aligned with himself for a few months here and there it is like his light is so blindingly bright. It becomes some big switch where he surpasses my awareness in a blink, and I am so humbled by what I could learn from his awareness. His desire to serve humanity becomes so clear to him that you can see he would give up everything. Service being his one true desire. Without fail life conspires to drag him under, like an avalanche.

Tricky business this wandering. Thank you for your good wishes. Heart
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09-11-2019, 10:36 PM,
#11
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-11-2019, 10:07 PM)Glow Wrote:  
(09-11-2019, 01:07 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:  I seriously envy that 50%

I am working hard to become one among them. Until then, I'm in the second group you mentioned, I think. I really hope for your friend that they heal themselves. I know all too well the pain of reaching out and then reverting to my olf negative ways and lashing out at people who care for me. It's a horrible cycle to be stuck in, and it feels like hell. Your friend has my deepest sympathies.

Side note: How do you know if somebody is a wanderer, Glow? What explicit signs and confirmations can show that somebody is a wanderer?

Also, as a person who is themselves "caught up in the karmic maelstrom" I would have to say it looks like your wanderer friend is too.

I would assume having met tones of people and having a large percent spill their guts to me that the bulk of that 50 percent are no luckier than any one else, perhaps except the avoidant. That is a sad situation.

Within the 50% they generally have other issues getting in the way of their intimate connections, their distortions simply present in a different way or they are unconscious. Perhaps some fall here in the sinkhole of indifference because stable just means you are relaxed and expect your connections to last. It doesn't speak of how open the heart is or how great their partners are, or even how open their partners heart is. I am sure there are some lucky ones though thankfully.

My husband is very stable attached and he is kind but his heart is not open terribly far. My heart is more actively open but I am stable, then a bit anxious at times like when the friend above spirals. Stable requires detaching when someone cannot uphold their end of the bond, empathy sometimes means reaching farther to those who need it but cannot reciprocate.

In the case above I have become anxious. I do not want to detach because that will just fuel their fear of bonding with anyone. For their good I need to let them have as much rope as they need. Slowly I am getting better at letting that rope stay long yet remaining stable myself so it is all a process and I do not think nervously(anxiously) seeking attachment in rough waters is necessarily a flaw. lol danger is sometimes there. The avoidant will have to trudge through anxious attachment to reach stable but hopefully they will bring that unconscious/supressed call for unity with them.

In a perverse sort of way I feel like avoidant and anxious have their own gifts, they are certainly on a deep even if subconscious level aware of the longing for unity, one type accepting it and even in the difficulty of facing it still trudges on forward, the other so moved by the draw it has to close it's heart completely to handle it, projecting even to the point of convincing itself that the open heart is folly.

I do not pretend to know how that all works but again it illustrates the STS using it's catalyst(pain) to further close it's heart and by doing so polarize sts. At the same time whether conscious or unconscious the deep self craves to remember itself and return even if only for a while to oneness.

As to the side note question. It has been years(a decade) of nonstop signs sometimes explicit information that was google verifiable given in meditation, Multiple mediums giving me without being asked the same bizarre detailed information, telepathy, shared dreams, shared precognition. Lots more bizarre stuff. Yet he wills himself to forget it all because it hurts to much.(closed blue ray) A loving universe is to large a hope, to be disappointed would be to much. My incarnation seems to have been at least in part a sort of an wanderer extraction/support life and it has been tough enough that my guidance has not gone lightly on the proof.

I do believe you are right and he has been swept into the maelstrom. I have a long rope. Hopefully it is long enough.

Hope that wasn't an incoherent ramble.

No, it made plenty of sense. Thank you for sharing that, Glow.

I feel bad for your friend. I really do. His karma will not be easy to shake. Neither is mine, but at least I'm getting the help I need. He's really lucky to have your support and it is really kind of you to keep supporting him like you do.

I guess I envy that 50% because there is a person in particular who has a life I want, and his security and confidence have made it so he can have what I want in life. I envy him for that. And I think to myself, those who look down on me and judge me don't know what it's like to deal with what I'm dealing with, and I feel more isolated and ashamed and resentful.

Thankfully, I've been given tools to take responsibility and heal all this. The chance to create the life I want still exists, even if certain details won't be exactly as I'd like them to be.

Anyway, thanks for your support Glow. It means a lot.
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09-12-2019, 12:38 AM, (This post was last modified: 09-12-2019, 12:38 AM by Glow.)
#12
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-11-2019, 10:36 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:  No, it made plenty of sense. Thank you for sharing that, Glow.

I feel bad for your friend. I really do. His karma will not be easy to shake. Neither is mine, but at least I'm getting the help I need. He's really lucky to have your support and it is really kind of you to keep supporting him like you do.

I guess I envy that 50% because there is a person in particular who has a life I want, and his security and confidence have made it so he can have what I want in life. I envy him for that. And I think to myself, those who look down on me and judge me don't know what it's like to deal with what I'm dealing with, and I feel more isolated and ashamed and resentful.

Thankfully, I've been given tools to take responsibility and heal all this. The chance to create the life I want still exists, even if certain details won't be exactly as I'd like them to be.

Anyway, thanks for your support Glow. It means a lot.

Thank you EP and thanks for sharing your perspective. I understand. One thing I will say is feeling ashamed should perhaps be reconsidered. You didn't start with the same situation or life circumstances so comparing your life to another's is a bit like saying a cheetah should be ashamed it can't fly like an eagle.

We do not have full awareness and without that there is no way to compare one experience to another, or one's perceived success with another's. Just wanted to mention that. You really do not need to carry that. It is heavy and inhibits healing. Be well.
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09-12-2019, 12:40 AM,
#13
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
I have this. It happens after you unconditionally love reality and reality or people try to love you like they love themselves. Basically loved by a lesser intelligence or lesser heart.
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09-12-2019, 01:05 AM,
#14
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-12-2019, 12:40 AM)BastionPath Wrote:  I have this. It happens after you unconditionally love reality and reality or people try to love you like they love themselves. Basically loved by a lesser intelligence or lesser heart.

I can understand that. He is a being of unconditional love that was taught quite harshly only lessons of lack of love, judgement and extreme abuse. I had similar experiences but 2 things, I had a cat, and I followed his example of love, he loved fiercely and so do I, and I also do not seem to have incarnated in quite a long time so could more easily remember home, could never actually accept this place as home because it always felt so "off".

I am sorry you have to carry this experience. I hope when you are ready, you meet someone(s) you can trust and you let yourself trust them.

He has resisted love through the years telling me he is not used to it, and I asked him how he was ever going to get used to it if he didn't experience it. So he has tried. I will send some prayers up for you Bastion.
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09-12-2019, 07:39 AM,
#15
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
"When you are sinking in the mud, getting out a little at a time and just not sinking further is progress."

HA! That made me remember a Buddhist quote I heard that was very simple and it went like this:

"No mud - No lotus"

If there is one Will and there is mud, it follows that we create our own mud so we can create our own lotus.
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09-12-2019, 08:11 AM,
#16
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-10-2019, 07:31 PM)Glow Wrote:  I have been reading about this the last few years.

Just recently I have experienced a close friend falling back into this old habit after a few years of doing quite well connecting to their inner self, soul and loved ones. They about 6 months ago started disconnecting from their soul and heart and has fallen back into dismissing all their own emotions as well as emotional connections to loved ones. They describe the feeling of repulsion when feeling loved and has simply switched off all bonds to their deeper self and those they has been close to. Empathy for self and other-selves is now fully absent.

It is a pretty sad thing. Over the last decade this person has moved towards healing several times each time shocking me with their spiritual core and depth of heart but each time things conspire to send them back to the depths of slumber and detachment.

I find it interesting and sad in context to STS needing to suppress the heart and empathy as this attachment style actually also does this as a coping mechanism. It craves intimacy deep down but due to trauma instead one learns to dismiss its emotions and the emotions of the people closest to them, actually feeling disdain for loved ones who show love or express love.

Recently they has moved into pure hate and anger at every one and every thing and that seems to be all that is left with some unacknowledged but visible to me sadness. There is a quasi intention to keep some contact. Not sure if for future attempts to heal, or to use me and so move deeper into lack of empathy/narcissism, or perhaps they are just undecided so holding on a bit for now.

I wondered if any one else had experienced the parallel behavior in this attachment style. It has always seemed they needed a hand/support in trying to break free from these old patterns and has faught valiantly in other years, this year they are losing the battle at least for now.

Reminds me of a being trying to learn to switch polarity from early sts to sto without having polarized far enough that the change is easy like Ra stated happened at 6D- and finding some parts quite tricky.

Anyways this is a wanderer that took on much to much, very fool hardy and I hope deeply they will reunite with their soul soon.

I know inside is a being of beautiful light.

Anyways just saw the similar pattern and thought it metaphysically significant, apparently 25% of the population has this attachment style.
It must be and incredible fight to attempt to heal.

"There is an irresistible pull to evolution. There is implicit in the structure of each density every potential outworking of every energy within that density. In a universe of builded light the subtleties are endless and, at the same time, progress through the gradually ascending densities is inevitable and irresistible. The only question that each entity faces is, “How quickly do I wish to progress?” There is no question that you will progress. It is as necessary to our nature to progress as it is for the iron to be drawn to the magnet. It is understandable that you might doubt this, for you see instances of your own lack of perceived progress, and you see apparent lapses in progression on the part of those with whom you come in contact. When these lapses are perceived it is easy to become discouraged, but we would encourage each of you to meet these judgmental feelings about the self and others with the courage of your conviction that all is proceeding according to an unseen plan."

https://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/issues/2000/2000_0507.aspx
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09-12-2019, 08:20 AM,
#17
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
[/quote]"There is an irresistible pull to evolution. There is implicit in the structure of each density every potential outworking of every energy within that density. In a universe of builded light the subtleties are endless and, at the same time, progress through the gradually ascending densities is inevitable and irresistible. The only question that each entity faces is, “How quickly do I wish to progress?” There is no question that you will progress. It is as necessary to our nature to progress as it is for the iron to be drawn to the magnet. It is understandable that you might doubt this, for you see instances of your own lack of perceived progress, and you see apparent lapses in progression on the part of those with whom you come in contact. When these lapses are perceived it is easy to become discouraged, but we would encourage each of you to meet these judgmental feelings about the self and others with the courage of your conviction that all is proceeding according to an unseen plan."

https://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/issues/2000/2000_0507.aspx
[/quote]

Ra on fire. It just blows me away.
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09-12-2019, 03:44 PM, (This post was last modified: 09-12-2019, 03:46 PM by ada.)
#18
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
@ttwagneriii

That's from Q'uo*

---

Thank you for sharing so much of your heart with us Glow.

It's not as easy to understand as I imagine it must be very personal, but you did share of what you did and it touched me.

You seem to mention and speak of your friend just as much as EP does of his friend, coincidentally, imo Smile . Yet the instances and perspectives seem different, there is a pull and there is a push. What could we learn from this? (I certainly don't know :p but its interesting to ponder)

If I may please ask to form some understanding and clearance. Does your friend have a partner in life? Or are they on their own at this time and space?
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09-12-2019, 03:59 PM,
#19
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
Not at this time. Avoidant tendency has been long standing, and it extends to everyone.
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09-12-2019, 04:05 PM, (This post was last modified: 09-12-2019, 04:05 PM by ada.)
#20
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
So you(and us), can't completely understand their perspective, can we?  Big Grin


Also, you are a female right? Are they a male perhaps? And could it be that they are attracted to you? Sorry if this is all too personal, you do not have to answer if you do not wish to.
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09-12-2019, 04:15 PM,
#21
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
No. That is not an issue. I didn’t actually intend to make this about them.
It really is just a sad but also seemingly metaphysical significant experience.
Similar to how STS polarizes by using catalyst to close the heart.
I guess that part was buried by sharing to much info..
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09-12-2019, 04:28 PM,
#22
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-12-2019, 08:11 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  
(09-10-2019, 07:31 PM)Glow Wrote:  I have been reading about this the last few years.

Just recently I have experienced a close friend falling back into this old habit after a few years of doing quite well connecting to their inner self, soul and loved ones. They about 6 months ago started disconnecting from their soul and heart and has fallen back into dismissing all their own emotions as well as emotional connections to loved ones. They describe the feeling of repulsion when feeling loved and has simply switched off all bonds to their deeper self and those they has been close to. Empathy for self and other-selves is now fully absent.

It is a pretty sad thing. Over the last decade this person has moved towards healing several times each time shocking me with their spiritual core and depth of heart but each time things conspire to send them back to the depths of slumber and detachment.

I find it interesting and sad in context to STS needing to suppress the heart and empathy as this attachment style actually also does this as a coping mechanism. It craves intimacy deep down but due to trauma instead one learns to dismiss its emotions and the emotions of the people closest to them, actually feeling disdain for loved ones who show love or express love.

Recently they has moved into pure hate and anger at every one and every thing and that seems to be all that is left with some unacknowledged but visible to me sadness. There is a quasi intention to keep some contact. Not sure if for future attempts to heal, or to use me and so move deeper into lack of empathy/narcissism, or perhaps they are just undecided so holding on a bit for now.

I wondered if any one else had experienced the parallel behavior in this attachment style. It has always seemed they needed a hand/support in trying to break free from these old patterns and has faught valiantly in other years, this year they are losing the battle at least for now.

Reminds me of a being trying to learn to switch polarity from early sts to sto without having polarized far enough that the change is easy like Ra stated happened at 6D- and finding some parts quite tricky.

Anyways this is a wanderer that took on much to much, very fool hardy and I hope deeply they will reunite with their soul soon.

I know inside is a being of beautiful light.

Anyways just saw the similar pattern and thought it metaphysically significant, apparently 25% of the population has this attachment style.
It must be and incredible fight to attempt to heal.

"There is an irresistible pull to evolution. There is implicit in the structure of each density every potential outworking of every energy within that density. In a universe of builded light the subtleties are endless and, at the same time, progress through the gradually ascending densities is inevitable and irresistible. The only question that each entity faces is, “How quickly do I wish to progress?” There is no question that you will progress. It is as necessary to our nature to progress as it is for the iron to be drawn to the magnet. It is understandable that you might doubt this, for you see instances of your own lack of perceived progress, and you see apparent lapses in progression on the part of those with whom you come in contact. When these lapses are perceived it is easy to become discouraged, but we would encourage each of you to meet these judgmental feelings about the self and others with the courage of your conviction that all is proceeding according to an unseen plan."

https://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/issues/2000/2000_0507.aspx
Perfect Heart !
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked
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09-12-2019, 04:31 PM,
#23
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-12-2019, 04:28 PM)kristina Wrote:  
(09-12-2019, 08:11 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  
(09-10-2019, 07:31 PM)Glow Wrote:  I have been reading about this the last few years.

Just recently I have experienced a close friend falling back into this old habit after a few years of doing quite well connecting to their inner self, soul and loved ones. They about 6 months ago started disconnecting from their soul and heart and has fallen back into dismissing all their own emotions as well as emotional connections to loved ones. They describe the feeling of repulsion when feeling loved and has simply switched off all bonds to their deeper self and those they has been close to. Empathy for self and other-selves is now fully absent.

It is a pretty sad thing. Over the last decade this person has moved towards healing several times each time shocking me with their spiritual core and depth of heart but each time things conspire to send them back to the depths of slumber and detachment.

I find it interesting and sad in context to STS needing to suppress the heart and empathy as this attachment style actually also does this as a coping mechanism. It craves intimacy deep down but due to trauma instead one learns to dismiss its emotions and the emotions of the people closest to them, actually feeling disdain for loved ones who show love or express love.

Recently they has moved into pure hate and anger at every one and every thing and that seems to be all that is left with some unacknowledged but visible to me sadness. There is a quasi intention to keep some contact. Not sure if for future attempts to heal, or to use me and so move deeper into lack of empathy/narcissism, or perhaps they are just undecided so holding on a bit for now.

I wondered if any one else had experienced the parallel behavior in this attachment style. It has always seemed they needed a hand/support in trying to break free from these old patterns and has faught valiantly in other years, this year they are losing the battle at least for now.

Reminds me of a being trying to learn to switch polarity from early sts to sto without having polarized far enough that the change is easy like Ra stated happened at 6D- and finding some parts quite tricky.

Anyways this is a wanderer that took on much to much, very fool hardy and I hope deeply they will reunite with their soul soon.

I know inside is a being of beautiful light.

Anyways just saw the similar pattern and thought it metaphysically significant, apparently 25% of the population has this attachment style.
It must be and incredible fight to attempt to heal.

"There is an irresistible pull to evolution. There is implicit in the structure of each density every potential outworking of every energy within that density. In a universe of builded light the subtleties are endless and, at the same time, progress through the gradually ascending densities is inevitable and irresistible. The only question that each entity faces is, “How quickly do I wish to progress?” There is no question that you will progress. It is as necessary to our nature to progress as it is for the iron to be drawn to the magnet. It is understandable that you might doubt this, for you see instances of your own lack of perceived progress, and you see apparent lapses in progression on the part of those with whom you come in contact. When these lapses are perceived it is easy to become discouraged, but we would encourage each of you to meet these judgmental feelings about the self and others with the courage of your conviction that all is proceeding according to an unseen plan."

https://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/issues/2000/2000_0507.aspx
Perfect Heart !
I can always count on you Rita to post something that puts balance to a conversation. This was a beautiful quote and one that I needed to hear for myself and I am sure Glow will find comfort in it as well. It is a wonderul quote.
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09-12-2019, 04:35 PM,
#24
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-12-2019, 04:15 PM)Glow Wrote:  ...
I didn’t actually intend to make this about them.

Yet we are talking about them, their life choices, and their 'polarity'. What would they feel if they were to come here and read this?
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09-12-2019, 05:02 PM, (This post was last modified: 09-12-2019, 05:46 PM by Glow.)
#25
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
Ada I just replied in pm but like in other threads (I’m not sure if it’s just me that effects you this way) you are making assumptions that I am calling a person bad.

I don’t even believe in evil and if I did he certainly isn’t it. This is one pattern that leads to the same difficult to break pattern of closing the heart. I was trying to illustrate how it isn’t a conscious choice but pain. I found that actually pretty clarifying to understand the actual deeply dedicated STS polarity which was the point.

Much like Jade warned EP about black magic because a little saunter down the path can be hard to breakfree from this seemed similar.

Next time I will share less detail because this did go off course however it was meant to clarify why there is no judgment about it. Compassion and understanding involved yes certainly not judgement.

Pain and fear makes people do things they wouldn’t so I wouldn’t judge them, I do not believe Bastion felt judged, he offered up his experience with it and his pain that caused it so I feel pretty confident I wasn’t projecting judgment. People tell me all kinds of dark stuff and often say they can do so because they know I won’t judge them so there really isn’t a need to worry about that.
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09-12-2019, 05:18 PM,
#26
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
Understood, thank you.

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09-13-2019, 02:56 AM,
#27
RE: avoidant dismissive attachment
(09-12-2019, 04:31 PM)kristina Wrote:  
(09-12-2019, 04:28 PM)kristina Wrote:  
(09-12-2019, 08:11 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  
(09-10-2019, 07:31 PM)Glow Wrote:  I have been reading about this the last few years.

Just recently I have experienced a close friend falling back into this old habit after a few years of doing quite well connecting to their inner self, soul and loved ones. They about 6 months ago started disconnecting from their soul and heart and has fallen back into dismissing all their own emotions as well as emotional connections to loved ones. They describe the feeling of repulsion when feeling loved and has simply switched off all bonds to their deeper self and those they has been close to. Empathy for self and other-selves is now fully absent.

It is a pretty sad thing. Over the last decade this person has moved towards healing several times each time shocking me with their spiritual core and depth of heart but each time things conspire to send them back to the depths of slumber and detachment.

I find it interesting and sad in context to STS needing to suppress the heart and empathy as this attachment style actually also does this as a coping mechanism. It craves intimacy deep down but due to trauma instead one learns to dismiss its emotions and the emotions of the people closest to them, actually feeling disdain for loved ones who show love or express love.

Recently they has moved into pure hate and anger at every one and every thing and that seems to be all that is left with some unacknowledged but visible to me sadness. There is a quasi intention to keep some contact. Not sure if for future attempts to heal, or to use me and so move deeper into lack of empathy/narcissism, or perhaps they are just undecided so holding on a bit for now.

I wondered if any one else had experienced the parallel behavior in this attachment style. It has always seemed they needed a hand/support in trying to break free from these old patterns and has faught valiantly in other years, this year they are losing the battle at least for now.

Reminds me of a being trying to learn to switch polarity from early sts to sto without having polarized far enough that the change is easy like Ra stated happened at 6D- and finding some parts quite tricky.

Anyways this is a wanderer that took on much to much, very fool hardy and I hope deeply they will reunite with their soul soon.

I know inside is a being of beautiful light.

Anyways just saw the similar pattern and thought it metaphysically significant, apparently 25% of the population has this attachment style.
It must be and incredible fight to attempt to heal.

"There is an irresistible pull to evolution. There is implicit in the structure of each density every potential outworking of every energy within that density. In a universe of builded light the subtleties are endless and, at the same time, progress through the gradually ascending densities is inevitable and irresistible. The only question that each entity faces is, “How quickly do I wish to progress?” There is no question that you will progress. It is as necessary to our nature to progress as it is for the iron to be drawn to the magnet. It is understandable that you might doubt this, for you see instances of your own lack of perceived progress, and you see apparent lapses in progression on the part of those with whom you come in contact. When these lapses are perceived it is easy to become discouraged, but we would encourage each of you to meet these judgmental feelings about the self and others with the courage of your conviction that all is proceeding according to an unseen plan."

https://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/issues/2000/2000_0507.aspx
Perfect Heart !
I can always count on you Rita to post something that puts balance to a conversation. This was a beautiful quote and one that I needed to hear for myself and I am sure Glow will find comfort in it as well. It is a wonderul quote.

I just "stumbled upon" this quote here and here Smile

And saw the connection to this discussion Smile
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