Trying to love the present.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I go for meditation walks or play guitar and get distracted thinking/fantasizing about the person I intend to become and the life I want to live, and lose all presence in the now.
So I'm trying to find the love in each moment. I struggle to. I think a piece of me is afraid to. When I try surrenduring to the moment and just loving the moment I want to cry, partially because of the beauty in it, but partially because of the pain that comes from everything that isn't and everything I want in my life but feel I don't have. When I stop thinking/fantasizing about the future in my head, I have to face the loneliness of the present. And I want to learn to love the present moment, but it's hard to fall in love with the present, I guess because where I'm at seems so painful. But I realize my life really isn't that bad, I'm just really lonely and hurt. But I still struggle with learning to love the moment. Does anybody have any advice for me to be able to overcome this hurdle?

[RitaJC]

I go for meditation walks or play guitar and get distracted thinking/fantasizing about the person I intend to become and the life I want to live, and lose all presence in the now.
So I'm trying to find the love in each moment. I struggle to. I think a piece of me is afraid to. When I try surrenduring to the moment and just loving the moment I want to cry, partially because of the beauty in it, but partially because of the pain that comes from everything that isn't and everything I want in my life but feel I don't have. When I stop thinking/fantasizing about the future in my head, I have to face the loneliness of the present. And I want to learn to love the present moment, but it's hard to fall in love with the present, I guess because where I'm at seems so painful. But I realize my life really isn't that bad, I'm just really lonely and hurt. But I still struggle with learning to love the moment. Does anybody have any advice for me to be able to overcome this hurdle?

Dear soul!

If it feels good to imagine yourself as you want to be why stop that? Isn't you imagining yourself to be who you want to be (and I believe actually are) your present? The feelings you experience when you stop that and return to your old beliefs that created the present appearances don't serve anybody. They don't feel good because they are based on lies about who you are.

Let me know if you'd like to have another live chat. We could concentrate on this. When it was revealed to me what it really means to love the present my whole life experience changed and a suicidal depression went away never to return

[Tae]

Loving the present doesn't mean you have to resign yourself to whatever the present has you trapped in. You don't have to change being who you are at all–a forward thinking, future-minded person–sometimes loving the present means being strong enough to decide to make changes so that your trajectory gets you to where you want to be. Look where you want to be going, absolutely!

Like, it's okay to think, well, in the present I'm lonely, and that sucks, what can I do about it. You don't have to exclusively fantasize about positive things and think positively about your now to live in the present. I guess some of the trick is to not just fantasize but also take steps to actualize. I found out there's a local UFO group that meets monthly so I'm going to go. (shrug)

Part of being here means being in the pain when it happens too, and forcing your way through it. It's important for you to survive, to endure, to make it through.

I hope you find yourself a friend IRL. I think that would help.

[kristina]

Loving the present doesn't mean you have to resign yourself to whatever the present has you trapped in. You don't have to change being who you are at all–a forward thinking, future-minded person–sometimes loving the present means being strong enough to decide to make changes so that your trajectory gets you to where you want to be. Look where you want to be going, absolutely!

Like, it's okay to think, well, in the present I'm lonely, and that sucks, what can I do about it. You don't have to exclusively fantasize about positive things and think positively about your now to live in the present. I guess some of the trick is to not just fantasize but also take steps to actualize. I found out there's a local UFO group that meets monthly so I'm going to go. (shrug)

Part of being here means being in the pain when it happens too, and forcing your way through it. It's important for you to survive, to endure, to make it through.

I hope you find yourself a friend IRL. I think that would help.

I love your supportiveness! I can tell you are really trying to balance acceptance and non acceptance of the self! It shows in your suggestion!
The latter part of your suggestion is a little rough though. I don't think it necessary to force anything and to prolong or accentuate suffering as we do enough of that just breathing upon this sphere. We could just see it, a glimpse of what "it" is and go back to doing, and doing could include day dreaming.
I look at day dreams as a creation of your perfect world and by doing that you may be releaving yourself of the pain you feel inside ( you also may be learning where your pain lies within you). You shouldn't live there but to visit there, sure why not? It's necessary for us to "do" the work. We "do" the work just by living and nothing more. Your spiritual evolution will indeed fall right into place without a ton of effort but first you must just live as you are, choice by choice.
You can be the watcher of your thoughts to learn how to tap in to the present moment but not hanging onto any particular thought at first until you can hold your concentration there for 2 seconds, 3, 4, 5 seconds. Loving the moment is infact accepting the moment as it is. Not fighting with it, denying it, forcing it or any other thing. Just saying, it is as it is.
Read the Wanderer's Handbook by Carla. You can download it for free from this site in their store.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I go for meditation walks or play guitar and get distracted thinking/fantasizing about the person I intend to become and the life I want to live, and lose all presence in the now.
So I'm trying to find the love in each moment. I struggle to. I think a piece of me is afraid to. When I try surrenduring to the moment and just loving the moment I want to cry, partially because of the beauty in it, but partially because of the pain that comes from everything that isn't and everything I want in my life but feel I don't have. When I stop thinking/fantasizing about the future in my head, I have to face the loneliness of the present. And I want to learn to love the present moment, but it's hard to fall in love with the present, I guess because where I'm at seems so painful. But I realize my life really isn't that bad, I'm just really lonely and hurt. But I still struggle with learning to love the moment. Does anybody have any advice for me to be able to overcome this hurdle?

Dear soul!

If it feels good to imagine yourself as you want to be why stop that? Isn't you imagining yourself to be who you want to be (and I believe actually are) your present? The feelings you experience when you stop that and return to your old beliefs that created the present appearances don't serve anybody. They don't feel good because they are based on lies about who you are.

Let me know if you'd like to have another live chat. We could concentrate on this. When it was revealed to me what it really means to love the present my whole life experience changed and a suicidal depression went away never to return

Sure! I won't be available today but I'm usually available. Would tomorrow work for you? If not, just let me know what time does and I'll see if it works for me (probably)

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Loving the present doesn't mean you have to resign yourself to whatever the present has you trapped in. You don't have to change being who you are at all–a forward thinking, future-minded person–sometimes loving the present means being strong enough to decide to make changes so that your trajectory gets you to where you want to be. Look where you want to be going, absolutely!

Like, it's okay to think, well, in the present I'm lonely, and that sucks, what can I do about it. You don't have to exclusively fantasize about positive things and think positively about your now to live in the present. I guess some of the trick is to not just fantasize but also take steps to actualize. I found out there's a local UFO group that meets monthly so I'm going to go. (shrug)

Part of being here means being in the pain when it happens too, and forcing your way through it. It's important for you to survive, to endure, to make it through.

I hope you find yourself a friend IRL. I think that would help.

Yeah, finding a close friend WOULD help. But I don't have any relationships that I feel are really close ATM. Not even with old friends from HS, who I barely see anyway. I am suffering hard from the loss of my online friend, who I developed a really close connection with, had a lot in common with and talked to every day. I want to move on, but it's so hard to move forward.

My problem is I spend all my time fantasizing about the future instead of doing anything to actualize it, and I CAN'T enjoy the present moment. I just end up feeling pain. I'm so tired of this. I'm really trying. I am. I wish I had what I took for granted and lost, but I can't get it back, and now I feel like I'm left wounded and broken and alone, and I wish I had just one close friendship. But I don't. And I have to learn how to love the moment without one. Because otherwise I'm just in hell. I'm tired of this. I wish my luck would change.

[RitaJC]

I go for meditation walks or play guitar and get distracted thinking/fantasizing about the person I intend to become and the life I want to live, and lose all presence in the now.
So I'm trying to find the love in each moment. I struggle to. I think a piece of me is afraid to. When I try surrenduring to the moment and just loving the moment I want to cry, partially because of the beauty in it, but partially because of the pain that comes from everything that isn't and everything I want in my life but feel I don't have. When I stop thinking/fantasizing about the future in my head, I have to face the loneliness of the present. And I want to learn to love the present moment, but it's hard to fall in love with the present, I guess because where I'm at seems so painful. But I realize my life really isn't that bad, I'm just really lonely and hurt. But I still struggle with learning to love the moment. Does anybody have any advice for me to be able to overcome this hurdle?

Dear soul!

If it feels good to imagine yourself as you want to be why stop that? Isn't you imagining yourself to be who you want to be (and I believe actually are) your present? The feelings you experience when you stop that and return to your old beliefs that created the present appearances don't serve anybody. They don't feel good because they are based on lies about who you are.

Let me know if you'd like to have another live chat. We could concentrate on this. When it was revealed to me what it really means to love the present my whole life experience changed and a suicidal depression went away never to return

Sure! I won't be available today but I'm usually available. Would tomorrow work for you? If not, just let me know what time does and I'll see if it works for me (probably)

Great! Sending you a PM

[RitaJC]

Could you listen to these videos and get back to me with your reaction to them?









(Sorry for the bad video quality)

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Sure thing. Let me just eat something first.

[Susie]

Loving the present doesn't mean you have to resign yourself to whatever the present has you trapped in. You don't have to change being who you are at all–a forward thinking, future-minded person–sometimes loving the present means being strong enough to decide to make changes so that your trajectory gets you to where you want to be. Look where you want to be going, absolutely!

Like, it's okay to think, well, in the present I'm lonely, and that sucks, what can I do about it. You don't have to exclusively fantasize about positive things and think positively about your now to live in the present. I guess some of the trick is to not just fantasize but also take steps to actualize. I found out there's a local UFO group that meets monthly so I'm going to go. (shrug)

Part of being here means being in the pain when it happens too, and forcing your way through it. It's important for you to survive, to endure, to make it through.

I hope you find yourself a friend IRL. I think that would help.

Yeah, finding a close friend WOULD help. But I don't have any relationships that I feel are really close ATM. Not even with old friends from HS, who I barely see anyway. I am suffering hard from the loss of my online friend, who I developed a really close connection with, had a lot in common with and talked to every day. I want to move on, but it's so hard to move forward.

My problem is I spend all my time fantasizing about the future instead of doing anything to actualize it, and I CAN'T enjoy the present moment. I just end up feeling pain. I'm so tired of this. I'm really trying. I am. I wish I had what I took for granted and lost, but I can't get it back, and now I feel like I'm left wounded and broken and alone, and I wish I had just one close friendship. But I don't. And I have to learn how to love the moment without one. Because otherwise I'm just in hell. I'm tired of this. I wish my luck would change.

[Susie]

Hi Evolving Phoenix,

I immediately related to your experience being in the throws of it at this moment. When you lose somebody that you are close to, the only person that you really connect with, the world feels completely void, empty, that you have lost apart of yourself along with the person. You may feel like you need to grasp onto anything, something that fills that void, that will ease the longing. It is a feeling of complete and total detachment from everything. It has taken away feeling of purpose.

Do you find that no effort is necessary to be present, to be in the moment? Is this something that is extremely vivid, totally and uncompromisingly aware of every movement, of every thought, of every emotion for you right now?

There is no sense of future only the here and now and all the manifestations that is taking place in your body.

An exercise you might like to do to assist you, literally draw a timeline of your life, from birth to the date you met your friend and the date you lost your friend. From this date of your loss, continue to draw a line to the end of the paper. 1cm represents one year. Now visualise this as a picture of your life, your relationship and now your life again. The feeling, thoughts, turmoil, emotions that are going on inside of you need you to create a tangible reference point. See what comes for you.

As you do this exercise and then as you visualise this picture of your life be mindful of where you are physically in space and relax your body. Aware of breath xx

[RitaJC]

There are many ways and methods how you can start enjoying the present.

This is one of them (with some intro)

[EvolvingPhoenix]

There are many ways and methods how you can start enjoying the present.

This is one of them (with some intro)

Thanks Rita.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Hi Evolving Phoenix,

I immediately related to your experience being in the throws of it at this moment.    When you lose somebody that you are close to, the only person that you really connect with, the world feels completely void, empty, that you have lost apart of yourself along with the person.   You may feel like you need to grasp onto anything, something that fills that void, that will ease the longing.   It is a feeling of complete and total detachment from everything.  It has taken away feeling of purpose.    

Do you find that no effort is necessary to be present, to be in the moment?   Is this something that is extremely vivid, totally and uncompromisingly aware of every movement, of every thought, of every emotion for you right now?  

There is no sense of future only the here and now and all the manifestations that is taking place in your body.    

An exercise you might like to do to assist you, literally draw a timeline of your life, from birth to the date you met your friend and the date you lost your friend.   From this date of your loss, continue to draw a line to the end of the paper.   1cm represents one year.   Now visualise this as a picture of your life, your relationship and now your life again.    The feeling, thoughts, turmoil, emotions that are going on inside of you need you to create a tangible reference point.  See what comes for you.

As you do this exercise and then as you visualise this picture of your life be mindful of where you are physically in space and relax your body.   Aware of breath  xx

Thanks for the exercise Suzie. I'll try it out sometime

[RitaJC]

This might help clarify what is actually meant by accepting the present moment and what not

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks Rita. I'm watching it right now

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Whenever I try to be fully present, it's like something's weighing me down. It's hard to describe. I go for meditation walks and it's this constant feeling. It's like a general unhappiness or dissatisfaction, mixed with loneliness and... I dunno, some sort of uneasy feeling. I'm not sure how to describe it though, or what's behind it...

[RitaJC]

Whenever I try to be fully present, it's like something's weighing me down. It's hard to describe. I go for meditation walks and it's this constant feeling. It's like a general unhappiness or dissatisfaction, mixed with loneliness and... I dunno, some sort of uneasy feeling. I'm not sure how to describe it though, or what's behind it...

What if you would just allow that feeling to be there? And ask: what else is there? What am I seeing (at least 3 things)? What am I hearing (at least 3 sounds)? Is there anything I can smell? What can I touch?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Whenever I try to be fully present, it's like something's weighing me down. It's hard to describe. I go for meditation walks and it's this constant feeling. It's like a general unhappiness or dissatisfaction, mixed with loneliness and... I dunno, some sort of uneasy feeling. I'm not sure how to describe it though, or what's behind it...

What if you would just allow that feeling to be there? And ask: what else is there? What am I seeing (at least 3 things)? What am I hearing (at least 3 sounds)? Is there anything I can smell? What can I touch?

Thanks Rita. I'll try that next time.

[kristina]

Whenever I try to be fully present, it's like something's weighing me down. It's hard to describe. I go for meditation walks and it's this constant feeling. It's like a general unhappiness or dissatisfaction, mixed with loneliness and... I dunno, some sort of uneasy feeling. I'm not sure how to describe it though, or what's behind it...

Definitely sounds like resistance. If this were me...and it's not, but let's pretend. I wouldn't do more than 5 or 10 minutes tops at your meditative practices and if I were walking, I would notice everything including every thought that slipped into my cranium.
You've got this! I think you're putting too much time into it. Relax and treat it like your guitar...one string at a time. Learning the cords but slowly so that you can enjoy what you're learning! Feel me? I hope so. Good luck.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks kristina, but I gotta put at least an hour in each day to have some sort of effect. I'm trying to heal myself. I need to heal. Otherwise I'll just suffer.

[kristina]

Thanks kristina, but I gotta put at least an hour in each day to have some sort of effect. I'm trying to heal myself. I need to heal. Otherwise I'll just suffer.

Much love to you then! I understand completely. I love your tenacity, brother/sister. If it's healing you seek, healing is what you will recieve!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks. I hope you're right. Sometimes, memories and painful feelings get so intense, all I wanna do is either crawl into bed and go into a coma or kill myself. I'm feeling that way today. I don't know HOW I can heal from some of these hurtful things that have happened to me.

[RitaJC]

Thanks. I hope you're right. Sometimes, memories and painful feelings get so intense, all I wanna do is either crawl into bed and go into a coma or kill myself. I'm feeling that way today. I don't know HOW I can heal from some of these hurtful things that have happened to me.

Could you watch this video and do what is suggested?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Watching and following right now.

EDIT: I watched and followed it. I wasn't feeling suicidal at the time of doing it, but the part about wanting to transform really resonated. Thanks for posting it.