My path to the light
11-08-2018, 03:46 PM, (This post was last modified: 11-08-2018, 04:42 PM by Doomchief.)
My path to the light
Hello, my friends! I'm so happy and delighted to be here and share my story with you! Actually, I have quite a lot to tell. As I started this thread I realized just how much I want to tell you guys. I guess I'll start with some basic stuff and then get to my first true awakening experience. Later I'll share my second life-changing moment, my path to the Law of One and add up some funny stories about the miracles I've already witnessed. I would love to hear your thoughts on them and will appreciate any feedback.

My name is Gleb and I'm from Moscow. Wonder if there are any fellow Russians in here! As for my nickname - that's just the homophone of my surname. English is not my mother tongue, but I'll try to do my best here. I'm 28, Pisces (if that's something important) and I was born at 4:20 Smile No surprise that weed played an important role in my inner journey. I want to clarify that I'm not advocating by any means the use of any legal or illegal substances. I'm just sharing my past experiences and it happened so that entheogens were the key at least to my initial awakening. Also I want to apologize in advance for some occasional f-bombs, that may slip my tongue because of emotions.

I've had a happy childhood except for some pretty hard relations with my mom. She used to scream at me a lot and beat me up occasionally but I was still an obedient son. I was so lucky to have a defense mechanism against her anger. Whenever I was punished I was repeating in my head like a mantra "I will never do that to my children". And after it was over and I was by myself, I dived deep in the peaceful and happy world of my imagination. And after 5-10 minutes I couldn't remember what she was angry about. That helped me A LOT! But still, that had an effect on our relationship. When I grew up, I understood that I finally don't have to obey her irrational orders. My first reaction to everything she said was a denial even it had some sense to it, so I had to work hard on myself to change that attitude. Now I try to do my best to help her get over her issues, that have roots in her childhood. And I'm very very happy to see her progress.

I had asthma in childhood and like tons of allergies. They accumulated over time, so I had to cut almost all raw fruit from my ration, but I was ok with that. As I know now its a common thing among wanderers. After my awakening, I was able to smooth my allergy. That's an interesting topic, I think I'll get back to it later.

Apart from that, I was a pretty happy kid - doing well at school, having lots of friends. Somehow I was able to get along with most people. I guess no one was mocking me because I had a light attitude and was always ready to laugh at myself.
Also, I've been able to stand up for myself when needed. I guess one of my previous incarnations was good at combat. I love martial arts and have trained for quite some time, but I'm not interested in competition. To fight well I need to feel righteous about it. But when I do, it's like someone else is taking the wheel for me. I remember one time when I was around 15 y.o. walking my dog in the neighborhood. A random dude 30+ stopped by and asked me for help. We'd got a few blocks away and entered an apartment building where he suddenly pulled out a knife and tried to rob me of my phone. Instead of being afraid I got so furious because he deceived my trust and willingness to help. Instantly I grabbed his arms and smashed his face with my forehead, breaking his nose. I've done it on my reflexes and that was long before I even started training.
Sometimes I felt strange because I had almost no fears. You know like some people are afraid of darkness, spiders, blood etc. And I wasn't afraid to feel fear, I felt a desire to look straight in its eyes for it to disappear.

I was blessed to meet lots of amazing people. Some of them are my friends literally for the entire life. We have a group of more than 20 closely interconnected people with very warm and sincere relations for more than 13 years now. We shared so many awesome adventures together! It's a precious gift from the Creator and I can't be grateful enough. Some of my friends are invested in psychology and spirituality. They played a huge role in my spiritual growth and, for example, introduced me to the works of Carl Jung, which completely changed my perception of dreams and lucid dreams (I'll share some of them later).

I even was lucky enough to experience the deepest love I wasn't expecting to find. I dated a girl who had been my closest friend for 6 years. I couldn't imagine that we'll be like a jigsaw puzzle pieces to each other. She's literally the part of my soul in a different body. Btw, It's funny that we even have the same allergies to all the stuff. We were like children in adult bodies, enjoying life and each other. There was no need to pretend to be someone else, just pure appreciation. We had our rough times and eventually broke up last year, but it taught us so much, showed us ways to improve and led to the awakening of both of us. One of my greatest lessons from the Creator yet.

After we broke up and I quit my job as a lawyer, I had quite a depression and the lowest ever self-esteem. But gradually, step by step I regained confidence, found an interesting freelance job and was back on a track of self-improvement. I think that's when I started to notice more and more synchronicities in my life. I had spotted them before, but their rate definitely increased.

I never was a religious person, instead, I was a science guy. I admired nature and was always fascinated by the Universe. I thought that the world that we are lucky to live in is much more beautiful and complex than any conventional religion is describing it. For quite some time I was a militant atheist, or agnostic. I was terrified by the amount of bloodshed and hatred caused by the Abrahamic religions. I never denied the existence of the Higher Consciousness, but I couldn't relate to God from the Old Testament, punishing kids for the sins of their parents and so on. I was frustrated because most of the people don't really think about what they are believing in. I was against churches as institutes, designed to control people. I never understood the need of some sort of mediator between me and God. Does a priest know better ways of connecting to God? Does he have some sort of monopoly?  I doubted that.

I used weed and meditation to connect to my higher self. Weed helped me to connect to my subconscious self. In that state its voice was louder and messages were clear. For example, once on a group meditation with Tibetian singing bowls, I had quite an experience. The theme of meditation was connecting to the inner child. I was laying there with vibrations going through my body and diving deeper and deeper in subconsciousness. Then suddenly an image of my father appeared in front of me. It was like a very detailed moving hologram. Immediately I felt warmth, deep love and connection to him. Then I thought of my grandpa and he appeared just like dad. Then my mom, grannies. I felt love and unity. I asked myself if there's something I need to recall. And there I am, about 5 y.o., laying in my bed and pretending to be asleep. My parents are sitting in the kitchen with their friends and I can hear their conversation. Mom is talking about me. She said some pretty inappropriate things and dad is defending me. At that moment I suddenly realize that among all the things I had already forgave her, there's another one, that deeply impacted my life and I was not even aware of it. I saw my life choices like a branched tree and the consequences that night had on my future relationships, the insecurities caused by it. And I'd let it go and I was free from it. I continued my inner dialog - "show me the moment I was born! Come on man, you were there!". There was some light to the left of me in the room where we were meditating, so the back of my eyelids was not black, but rather grey. And then there was a spot of deep deep, true black color. It was like a grey fabric with a hole in it and the sides of the hole were moving because of the wind, coming from the other side. I was trying to look inside, but every time the hole was closing. I could feel there's something there.
Then I asked where I'm going after death. And there was a sphere of that deep black color. It was warping the space around it, like a lens, like an event horizon of a black hole.
After that, I was wondering if I can imagine any color. I started painting white and it was super cool, cause the white lines I was drawing had a wooden texture. So I was like Tom Sawyer, painting an invisible wooden fence.
But then the lady who was holding the ceremony asked if there's something major we had to remember. A pair of eyes appeared in front of me. It was my eyes. There was a stripe of my face from the nose to the forehead and it was constantly changing from my younger self to an adult, but the eyes were the same and my pupils were of that true deep black color. I was looking at all variations of myself and felt so complete and connected. And then the lady invited us to swap places with that character. I shifted the perspective and nothing changed - I was looking at myself
from the other side. The lady asked if there's something more we had to learn. And that stripe of flesh around my eyes started changing again, cycling through all kinds of people, old, young, different eye colors, but those deep black pupils I was staring at remained the same. The last face...well I can't describe it because it had no features I can relate to, but I still was looking at myself.

I'm finally getting to the first true awakening moment, just bear with me a little moreSmile)

I had listened to lots of late great Terrence McKenna lectures. Everything he said resonated with me deeply. Then I discovered Alan Watts and his beautiful speeches also had a profound impact on my life. They are both amazing speakers with a thought-provoking material that helped me in understanding unity. I began digging Buddhism, Hinduism, and shamanism. Previously I had experiences with various psychedelics and even smoked some DMT on Bali (It was wonderful but very brief. I was sucked out of my body through the vortex of unimaginable colors and was greeted on the other side by a loving colorful female somewhat snakelike entity. We were in some kind of a boat, sailing through the river of colored light. She was offering me something, but I didn't know, how to accept her offering. I was in the ocean of love, compassion, and meaning). But after reading the book "True Hallucinations" of Terrence, I had a gut feeling that it's time for me to try his "heroic dose" alone in the silent darkness.

I was very serious about the preparation, set and setting. That week I was completely sober, sleeping well, eating well, exercising, meditating and fasting the last day. I felt that I had a message to receive, I was humbled and willing to let go and allow to happen what's to come. I ate 5 dried grams of the Golden Teacher mushrooms and laid down head to the North in the silent darkness of my room. Also, I'd placed a packed bong beside my bed (another advice from Mr. McKenna!))) I was meditating for about 15 minutes and then the vibrations came in. My whole body was shaking in an intense but pleasant way. In my mind, there were like electric discharges of a very high frequency. It was no longer dark and silent. After a few more minutes I suddenly found myself in that same DMT space. It was an infinite ocean of consciousness, meaning, power and love. And I was a part of it, feeling unimaginable wholeness. And there was a message - "Ok, now you know. So, what questions do you have?" I had no words to express myself. I understood that questions have no meaning, cause here I am, the answer to all of them. Then there were the lessons:
1) Breathe. It's your connection to the world. And I started breathing, feeling every breath as an infinite fractal of life.
2) You are the part of the experience. You can affect it just as it can affect you. And I started making all kinds of sounds, playing with the beautiful visuals.
3) I'm doing it not because I lack something, but because I can do anything. I have no limits, I do everything effortlessly, I have all this to experience everything that's possible. I have all the feelings to the ultimate.
At that moment I was around 40 min. in the trip. I felt I'm ready to smoke some weed, so I asked "Can I smoke weed? Are we friends enough?")) And received a positive answer) I opened my eyes for the first time and whoah! it was pretty intense. I grabbed the bong, smoked it, feeling every atom of the weed and right after I felt that it's going to be a fun ride!)

I closed my eyes back again and immediately noticed that weed added a layer of humor to this infinite ocean. Hey, look! I can do anything! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA!!! it was a roar of primal, unlimited force. It was showing off making things of unspeakable beauty. Hey, I don't give a f*** about space!! WHOOOOOOAAAAA!! f*** the time! I can do it all day! WHOOOOOAAAA! It was adding funny farting and burping noizes to that roar of creation, cause all those miracles took zero effort to make.

At some point, I got a bit used to the spectacle and a thought crawled into my mind "interesting, is that all?" And the immediate answer - Hey, b****, you're not impressed? Big Grin How about that??
And oh my God, all that impossible stuff that was going on in front of me suddenly moved and continued at the background and there were two or three new dimensions of complete craziness! Every second there was more and more. I felt I was treated as a friend because of my pure intentions, but it showed that - Hey, I'm not all white and fluffy! I can do ANYTHING! If I want to create something scary...WHHHHOOOOOOAAAAA!!!

Then I asked - show me love?
And there it, light, and beauty filled all that there is. Every next scene was more and more beautiful. I was whispering "I'm afraid to startle..." all the time) In one moment I even bit my arm in exaltation!))) And then it told me - Hey, you love July, so how about that?
... Oh, man... That was something else. The intensity of love grew so quickly and so radically until it was just crazy. There was an enormous fractal face of July, made of her faces, which were made of more and more of her faces... And it was truly infinite, and I almost completely dissolved in it.

That was the moment I decided it was a bit too much and opened my eyes. But it said - Hey, kiddo, you don't understand. I don't give a flying f*** about your closed eyelid! LOOK!  And holy s***, my room started morphing into Julys' face! I tried to look away, but the other part of the room began morphing.
How about that? It started scratching my thoughts back and forth at the background like a Dj.
Then I got in a time loop. The same things and thoughts happened over and over again thousands of times. At the moment I understood I'm in a loop it changed. Now I was in frozen time! I tried to touch my face and my hand was slooooowly drifted through space. And then it changed again in some kind of Interstellar type of broken reality. I was like in a hall of mirrors with infinite possibilities.
At some point, I wanted to call my friends, cause a few times I was gently and friendly losing my mind Big Grin I remember one moment when I was sure that one of my friends is dating someone like Mr. Poopybutthole from Rick&Morty. It was just a part of my reality. - Hey, you have to live with it Smile
I was walking all over my flat holding my head - "I've lost my mind! When did it happen? I'm complete bonkers!"
I grabbed the phone to call my friends, but I was stopped. That thought started to disappear into infinity...Phone...Other people...What was I doing? Then it looked like the phone itself was falling apart - Come on man, I AM the technology!

But it was not the end. In "True Hallucinations" Terrence is describing his experiment at La Chorrera and the message from the Teacher, as he called it. At one point the Teacher said "The password is Mckenna. Say it and you will know the truth". After that, there were some very funny adventures of him dancing with the butterflies in the jungle like in a Disney movie, or seeing a real-fake UFO and so on. During my trip, I said as a joke - the password is Mckenna! and received a humorous answer.
But after that, when I was already sober running around my kitchen in amusement and appreciation of that experience, one of the most extraordinary things of my life (at least at that moment) happened.

I had a war against cockroaches, running from my neighbors to my apartment. Once in a while, I saw one running from me away, and I was chasing him with the spray. But that night...At one moment I noticed that my gaze fell on a giant cockroach. I didn't pay much attention because I was busy thinking about what happened earlier. A few moments later I stumbled across another cockroach..Hm. Again not much attention. But on the third time, I finally looked around and saw about 5 cockroaches all over my kitchen. They were not scared of me at all. They were just sitting there, looking at me and wiggling their antennas. And at that moment the realization struck me like a lightning. For the first time, I felt oneness with everything so deeply and so sincere that the One Infinite Creator showed me his true self.
- Oh, man... May I touch you?
I got to the table top and placed my finger on it... And the cockroach came to me! I couldn't believe my eyes! It sat right near my finger and started to show me what it can do. He was flapping wings, moving his butt in a strange dance-like fashion. Then with one graceful movement, it hid beneath a knife and looked back at me... Then the show continued. My phone was laying next to me and I thought I can make a video, but I remembered what happened when McKenna was trying to show his friends the miracles he'd witnessed. So I abandoned that idea and just enjoyed the moment, that glimpse behind the curtains of reality.
For the next 4 hours, I was playing with the cockroaches! Big Grin I concentrated on them to walk and to stop and all the crazy stuff.
From that time on we became friends)) The next few months, I had a lot of fun stories with that fellas. It was like living in an old movie "Joe's Apartment".
Needless to say, my life has never been the same! It was like receiving a letter from Hogwarts, even better.

But I guess its enough text for the first time! I would love to share other stories with you, so stay tuned.
Huge thanks to all of you reading this! Sending you love, light, and best wishes!
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11-09-2018, 04:44 AM,
RE: My path to the light
I like that you called it your letter to hogwarts. Because that's the vibe that I'm moving more and more into. That once you do your homework, you really can really accomplish anything. My personal hangup being how I am perceived, but that's literally the last thing for me.

As far as god/religion and all that jazz, I've found it to be pretty straightforward. Stars study push/pull, planets study give/take, planes affect the perception of good/evil (like the plane that our solar system is on, neptune being a gateway to the next level perhaps as it is highly canted compared to the rest of the solar system). Galaxies all solving complex spiritual problems on an unimaginable scale. And then on the flip side, angels and demons being the spiritual opposite of grounded physical reality. Conclusions already reached, time just being the story of how we got there. (this relative to spiritual progress)

Halcyon on and on.
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11-14-2018, 09:03 PM,
RE: My path to the light
Excellent story! I admire your ability to forgive and put things behind you. This is something I struggled with my whole life, especially with forgiving myself. I'm amazed by your experiences and look forward to hearing more in the future, especially about your roach buddies.
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