Trying to recognize myself

[Xenos]

Hi to all, I will apologize prehand if this topic seems off-topic, but I feel as if I don't have anyone around me to share about the confusion but "slight" awareness im in. (Sorry if my grammar is bad too.)
I feel the light on my neck, but I need help turning around!

I am a 17 year old teen, trying to understand the love and connections of the one around me, as well as in me. Everything that i have thought about life, love and the people around me was awfully similar to the Law of One readings, but especially with the "Hidden-Hand" reading (http://home.comcast.net/~readingnews/Hidden_Hand.html)

A family friend of mine introduced me to the "Hidden_Hand" reading, and I felt as if i was reading a checklist of my spiritual morals values and perspectives i held. Even though I didn't really know that family friend, i felt something spiritual about him that made me express my inner self towards him. The reading however was mindblowing. Every sentence, every word that felt true (the "truths" would make my spine tingle..)resonated through me. Especially the aspects of Self to Others, and having feelings of being thankful for existence itself, coincidence, karma and life in all made me have the chills and tingles down my spine all night

I wouldn't say it was an awakening, but ever since has made me ponder about my purpose and my identity. I found the Law of One material after the HH article.

Anyways, I don't know if I'm seem as some weird teen, but throughout life I have weird instances of having spontaenous but accurate feelings of the near-future, as well as "visions" (sometimes just familiar feelings) of the past.
Memories of me crying in front of my own body while my mother was holding me (supposedly when I was knocked unconscious at age 4) , visualizatioons of abstract light/feeling of zero-time when I went unconscious, Flashing frozen "images" of past test notes that correlate with the current question I'm stuck in. Fearless feelings towards death ("death is a transition") as well as feelings of an arrow/projectile penetrating my right chest.
Maybe i just have wild imagination but I feel as if I'm not like my peers and friends around me. I believe this coincidence have a deeper meaning. I sometimes see and sense what people feel, their emotions, their struggle and motives at first impression, or spontaneous times. I also always visualize and feel my altruistic death. I've sworn to myself that my heart beats for others.
In reality and the current situation I'm in, it makes alot of sense to me that I want to pursue the path of positive polarity. I come to an understanding of the meaning of my native name (korean), and the underlying/preset connections it has to do with my life.

Recently I have talked to a few of new friends who seemed very interested in understanding the spiritual self and the infinite creator.
I've showed them the articles that enlightened me, but even then I feel distant towards them, and have feelings of fear that they would not understand me.

I want to talk so much more about the feelings I have, but I'll keep it short. I want your feedback about myself in general.

I feel empty but stuffed with confusion. I know i need to listen to my inner being but my logic overpowers me.
I sometimes come to an understanding and recognize the illusion of life, and what it does to me.

I want to penetrate this veil, this illusion with my free will. In a way I feel great offering myself to others, but I wonder if i need to also help myself.
I am you, you are me. You are one, I am one... We are one.
But for some reason, I can't seem to recognize the oneness in me.

Reading about the light spectrum (still very baffling to me), I had a random urge to direct some of my efforts towards knowing myself, as well as healing myself.
I want to meditate, I want to continue my efforts towards positive polarity.

It's so hard to think of myself though, I never have done this for ages.
I need some help and advice..!

Thank you for your time and your love.
Sorry if i had taken a small part of your time. Love you all!
Namaste

[JoshC]

Have you read A Wanderer's Handbook? It may help you answer some questions about feeling like an outsider, or at least show you a different perspective on it.

If you want so dearly to penetrate the veil and realize more deeply the illusory nature of every day life, then I suggest that you do meditate, as you've said you wish to.

As for thinking about yourself, actions like feeding regularly and giving your body plenty of rest are good for you. You don't have to hold yourself to an unnaturally high standard of selflessness, even if you were to feel that it's what "should" be done.

You could think of "[thinking] of [yourself]," since your so inclined to be selfless, like this: By working on yourself and raising your polarity towards the light, you help others. The more you work on yourself and polarize, the more help to others you are and will be.

Peace, Love, Light and Namasté

[haqiqu]

Have you read A Wanderer's Handbook? It may help you answer some questions about feeling like an outsider, or at least show you a different perspective on it.

If you want so dearly to penetrate the veil and realize more deeply the illusory nature of every day life, then I suggest that you do meditate, as you've said you wish to.

As for thinking about yourself, actions like feeding regularly and giving your body plenty of rest are good for you. You don't have to hold yourself to an unnaturally high standard of selflessness, even if you were to feel that it's what "should" be done.

You could think of "[thinking] of [yourself]," since your so inclined to be selfless, like this: By working on yourself and raising your polarity towards the light, you help others. The more you work on yourself and polarize, the more help to others you are and will be.

Peace, Love, Light and Namasté

Josh has good advice, Xenos. Working on healing yourself is not selfish, since all is One it's actually a service to others.

[Xenos]

Have you read A Wanderer's Handbook? It may help you answer some questions about feeling like an outsider, or at least show you a different perspective on it.

If you want so dearly to penetrate the veil and realize more deeply the illusory nature of every day life, then I suggest that you do meditate, as you've said you wish to.

As for thinking about yourself, actions like feeding regularly and giving your body plenty of rest are good for you. You don't have to hold yourself to an unnaturally high standard of selflessness, even if you were to feel that it's what "should" be done.

You could think of "[thinking] of [yourself]," since your so inclined to be selfless, like this: By working on yourself and raising your polarity towards the light, you help others. The more you work on yourself and polarize, the more help to others you are and will be.

Peace, Love, Light and Namasté

"Feeding regularly and giving my body plenty of rest.." these are the things I haven't been doing for a while... Your words gave me the chills! In fact, during meditation I became aware of the meaning of me passing out and also breaking my right hand thumb (dislodged bone, ruptured ligament) I knew it clearly meant to be careful and take care of myself, but now i realize that it has been a catalyst. I've been ignoring the pleas my body has been screaming. I've been ignoring the scar I need to heal. I should love myself in both body and mind, and your words comfort me. Thank you for your advice! It still feelds "funky" but I will continue to work on myself so that ultimately I can prepare myself for others

Love, light , peace to you all!
Namaste.

[LsavedSmeD]

Have you read A Wanderer's Handbook? It may help you answer some questions about feeling like an outsider, or at least show you a different perspective on it.

If you want so dearly to penetrate the veil and realize more deeply the illusory nature of every day life, then I suggest that you do meditate, as you've said you wish to.

As for thinking about yourself, actions like feeding regularly and giving your body plenty of rest are good for you. You don't have to hold yourself to an unnaturally high standard of selflessness, even if you were to feel that it's what "should" be done.

You could think of "[thinking] of [yourself]," since your so inclined to be selfless, like this: By working on yourself and raising your polarity towards the light, you help others. The more you work on yourself and polarize, the more help to others you are and will be.

Peace, Love, Light and Namasté

"Feeding regularly and giving my body plenty of rest.." these are the things I haven't been doing for a while... Your words gave me the chills! In fact, during meditation I became aware of the meaning of me passing out and also breaking my right hand thumb (dislodged bone, ruptured ligament) I knew it clearly meant to be careful and take care of myself, but now i realize that it has been a catalyst. I've been ignoring the pleas my body has been screaming. I've been ignoring the scar I need to heal. I should love myself in both body and mind, and your words comfort me. Thank you for your advice! It still feelds "funky" but I will continue to work on myself so that ultimately I can prepare myself for others

Love, light , peace to you all!
Namaste.

Causing others to serve yourself, is different then you serving yourself to better serve others; quite the conundrum, but yet logically appropriate.

Serving yourself to better serve others is a better way to look at it.