Letting go of the Law of One, Sorry.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

I don't have any easy way of saying this.  I don't blame anyone, not even myself, I honestly don't understand many things, at all.

I am basically a spiritualist nihilist, you might liken it to a buddhist who see's emptiness in everything, but still regards it as sacred.  Only in my case, I'm such for two simple reasons.

1. Whatever the point of being may be, it is illusive for a reason.  The Law of Free Will is known as the Law of Confusion because the truth of it all is purposefully hidden.  That's the veil, I get that.  It's why I'm spiritual, there is clearly an intelligently designed creation I find myself inside of, I believe in 'bigger' existence around or above my own.
What I don't get is- 2. The acceptance of a being who essentially desires to rape, torture, and murder for fun like a game, in order to learn.  And while there is an infinite array of better things to focus on, that is the final utmost implication of everything I've read regarding the Law, of One.  Hence, I cannot accept it as 'real' and can only accept it as 'illusion' and hence, moving into nihilistic emptiness is only a step away, being and maintaining both is nearly impossible to do in a way that is pleasant...

That cruelty of creation that makes me now view everything as not real but illusion for the sake of many...It is what has fluked me up since April, it is what I have grappled with for 6 months dipping in and out of nihilism and despair wondering, WHY?

And now I'm beginning to realize no one else see's what I see as I do, I might literally be by myself with this.  Even worse, I'm so closed up from everything now in horror at those implications that I don't know what to do or say or think or be or anything, at all.  I just live and exist now because I do, without reason, and it is miserable.

I did find true comfort, true beauty, something real and true, but that was when I didn't connect some dots together but took them all in as a form of pointers.

They have since become descriptors that point out simply this reality to me:

You have 3D, where Catalyst or 'life occurrences' appear.  The Catalyst is cyclical, and will repeat infinitely becoming harder and harder slowly more and more, until you progress with some hint of learning a lesson about 'love', which isn't romantic or unconditional human love but it's own Pronoun and Law of Existence, The Law of Love, which is different from the Original Thought which birthed the Law of Love I should add, yet somehow the Same as per the Law of One.
From these lessons if one fails to comprehend them, the catalyst moves on and begins 'inflicting' upon you physically and mentally ailments or aversions such as pain, or mental disorders, or physical failures.  Until you learn the lessons involved, these things will persist until the end of your life.
On top of that, souls incarnate into 3D beings in order to suffer.  Would a human being who doesn't need to learn lessons of love suffer?  Not nearly as much as one learning those lessons intensely, even if they aren't aware of those lessons to be learned.  You have an Octave that is indifferently unconditionally loving in regards to their own actions towards such Densities as 2 and 3.  Allowing, and yes, it is allowance, there's no other mannerism, even to just let something be is to allow it to be.  Indifference is no better from helping suffering continue, unconditional love making you just let something be is no different from indifference.  All is One, the Good is Bad, the Bad is Good, it's literally the same thing.
What that means: All of the genocide, slaughtering, murdering, torturing, raping, the insanity, madness, and horror.
It is all here because the Creator desires it, those desires exist through the many individuals that comprise the Creator who channel that aspect of the Creator into manifestation.
While this is 'fair' as per the Law of Free Will, it is also designed to be that way, to cause those levels of suffering.
In 3D furthermore it's supposedly provided some forms of protection, such as, no individual will receive more than they can handle.  Observation: Suicide rates in just Veterans alone is high, Japan's suicide rates are horrendous.  Individuals DO receive more than they can handle.  Hence, there are some things that are said, but not true as well.  I was told as per Carla's Living the Law of One 101, that to do such and such will attract that such to I, the reciprocal reality of existence known as The Law of Attraction, never mentioned, but clearly explained mechanically in her book.  Only, it doesn't work in the way it's described.  From that speculation, while it does work to bring forth some desires as described to a degree, it does not operate in a literal sense.  Not exactly a lie, but misinformed, not in a bad or intentionally mean way, but in a way that does leave one very perplexed at why this is apparently working, but at the exact same time not working.

To be in 3D, is to suffer.  The Law of One paints a picture, in my mind, that is of Hell.  3rd Density is hell for many, and it is desired to be that way by the Creator.

I, as an individual, have been told that my ego is wrong.  That I am wrong.  I...I don't know how to explain it beyond describing it. I don't know how to articulate it.  The Law of One is NOT evil or cruel, but inside it's depths is deposited some kind of...Pattern that when noticed, takes you right to hell on Earth inside your mind.  I noticed it, unfortunately.  I'm not the only one but they too have become silent in mentioning it, almost like it's a taboo...And even then they too don't seem to see it as I do.

But it exists and I will boldly say it as such, whether anyone believes me is up to them.  Inside the Law of One is misinformation so subtle (probably because of the mechanisms that the contact, being designed the way it is, goes about operating and the frugal nature of Don's questioning...  which I don't think is fair to the damn guy as he didn't even know about it at first...)  And in that subtle misinformation is the view of simply this. (I assume the following perspectives derive from misinformation or misunderstanding of information, if not both.)

You are on Earth without purpose beyond doing what your soul wants you to do.
Thus you must be given catalyst to learn your lessons you've come here to learn.
Except you don't know that, and if you fail a catalyst you get harmed by yourself naturally as you continue to do so.
And if you pass, the cycle will continue with increasing difficulty.  If you do nothing, you fail in a very bad way and get hurt by it.
You cannot stop catalyst, if you try it will continue mercilessly, no matter what you do, even doing nothing it continues.
You are haunted by past mistakes, and tied to Earth by those mistakes until you absolve all mistakes with forgiveness, except you don't know what your past mistakes are or what you need to forgive unless you're made aware of it.  While catalyst attempts this, you would never be consciously aware of what you're being pushed into doing to learn from until a certain point of becoming aware of it, but still not knowing much more about it beyond 'pay more attention'.
If you do not learn your lesson you must repeat it in another life, you cannot not do this, you are tied to 3D by karma and cannot leave essentially.
If you do not learn your lessons by the end of the 75k year mark, you must repeat another 75k years.  Infinitely until you learn your lessons.
If you try to leave prematurely, you must repeat the same incarnation, exact same, everything.

So basically, learn your lessons, Or else, you don't have a choice.

The implications:
Souls use Humans and Animals as cannon fodder to learn from them, being timeless entities that use finite entities causing them suffering during their short existence (each personality to me is as sacred as a soul, ego or otherwise)
Souls Free Will supercedes their Persona's Free Will, essentially, Human's and such shells used for incarnation have no free will, and are pieces in a game.  We are as the video game character we control in this life, only we're not the one's in control beyond the belief that we are (what derives our thoughts, where do they come from?  I don't formulate them out of nothingness apparently, the ego and consciousness come together to formulate the existence of any thoughts that occur)
OH BUT THERE'S MORE; not only are my thoughts apparently not my own, none of them are as I might be thinking things PUT INTO MY HEAD by another I am not aware of.  Another fine way to deal with this as designed apparently according to the Law of One, is to just 'pay attention' hoping you have the instinctual arsenal of conscious perks inside of you to be able to 'just tell' through 'resonance' if a thought of the infinite many you might be having at any moment, is or is not your own.
So not only can I not trust my actions and words are my own, but my thoughts too are not my own.  Nothing I do is my own beyond what I do and determine to be my own.

Even if it isn't.

And now I'm lost once more.  I have tried, I SAW I did see!  I saw how all was love, I was there and everything was perfect but now.  As it's sunk in and been digested...  I see a different story.  A different reality.  A different existence.

And the implications of it are simply such that I don't want to be a part of.  I don't want to be a part of a being that desires such cruel things, who designs such cruel things, who manifests such cruel things.

Because of that single implication of a cruel being, as well as loving.  I have to put down the Law of One, it's many teaching will remain with me as a positive portion of this divine ride I stepped on (which many of you reference to be a roller coaster, only I view it as including the divine background as well) and such lessons as All are One, and Reciprocal Design will be kept.

But some, if not many things in the Ra Material will now be systematically 'dropped' as Ra, Q'uo, and the others have asked I do when this information goes from useful to a blockage that I'm stumbling upon.

I don't even know if I should stick around this forum anymore, if it'd be insulting or somehow 'wrong' to denounce the Law of One and remain.  Certainly doing so always strikes a chord, even mentioning to 'fix' it will piss people off and turn them into the usual judgmental horrors I purposefully work graveyard shifts to vehemently avoid.

And why else but because I'm tired of it?

I desire to be left alone by people, by 'society'.  I have been alone, my entire life.  I don't comprehend what Unconditional Love is because I've never known it consciously even if its being given to me.  Because I'm oblivious, for whatever reason, because I am the way I am.

And I used to love it, until I learned how incompatible I was with society, then I came to hate it because I didn't want to be alone, then being alone for so long against my will...I finally just accepted it.

Life, thus, to me is empty but very beautiful and sacred.  It isn't a 'bad' empty, it is akin to that state of being where all is as is without reason, an empty existence, that is potentially beautiful.

But empty suffering, is not beautiful.  I tried to see it with a sacred touch, I saw only...  I...  I just couldn't see sacredness in the manner I'm used to seeing it, all I saw was, something I do not desire and I pray to myself I never will.  Even as I take it in and have absorbed the madness, I have chosen to even slowly pull it out of my head.  Murder Fantasies as an older thread pointed out, I am sick of them, I did not have them until this past year struggling with everything about this spiritual system.  Now, I see them, I accept them, and now I reject them.

And I reject much more than just them.  I want to Love, and be loved.  That is...I am beginning to suspect...Not my purpose here anymore.  I am beginning to suspect I have no purpose here, I am LITERALLY just here to Wander aimlessly emptily as I look outwards or inwards.  Because to me, that is all there is.  While the Ra Material brought the Light to my vision, it turns out I see it differently.  It's just empty to me.  Surely it is present and being, even a plenum, but it is all empty.

Whats the point?
Then I'm rebutted with why must there be a point.  I answer to that with, because of suffering.  Why do they, I, we, us, everything, suffer so vehemently?  From 1st density to 2nd density to 3rd density to apparently 4th and 5th density (what with Thought War's and such as negative entities being transformed and positive entities falling to negativity).

I see a creation that is not what I desire to be in.

What, do I do?!!

Do you want to know what it is like to not want to be a part of something you apparently are inseparable from?  I don't even want to die, I just want to cease awareness, cease experience, cease existence here.  I want to silence my very consciousness and take from the Creator that part, and let it know I cannot accept its creation or being if this is truly what it is.

I simply cannot for the reason that it is pointless mindless fun to harm.  Equivalent Exchange in a sense, for one to gain one must lose.  To learn one must suffer apparently.

It's ridiculous.  If the Creator didn't 'design' it that way then the Creator too didn't create it meaning the Creator has to abide by something, even just in speculation there is no resolution, it's just endless, endless and I can't accept that I live in an endless existence of suffering.

I can't accept that I live in Hell, that Hell lives in me, that this CAN BE LITERALLY Hell.  I cannot accept a being who did/will do/does these things, just to learn, to entities that...

No.

I think I've said enough, I think if you don't see my view by now and understand why I fear for some who come into contact with the Ra Material, then my reality is wholly separate your's somehow, someway, thanks to 3D separating them that much more so.

No.  I reject all of this.  This is Hellish, I don't understand why no one else see's this...

It doesn't matter.

Let me know if I should stay or go, B4thers.  I am tired.  I am, I don't think I'll make the choice here as I feel it technically isn't mine once I post this.  As a community, I want to leave it up to you all to accept or reject me.  I don't reject this community, and I don't reject 100% the Ra Material.  And being tired, I no longer think I have the mental faculties to deal with those who reject me and do not want to deal with me or my opinions.  I will leave if that is what is desired.

Anyways, I'm pretty sad.  I don't have anything else of use or value to say I think.  I just wanna cry and get it out of the way.  So I'm gonna go do that.

So.  I guess just let me know, should I stay or should I go?  No hard feelings on rejection.  Just...Be honest please.

P.S.  You should hear the things and opinions I am feeling towards my higher self at this time.  Why am I going through this?  What is there to learn from it when I just want to cease?  I don't want this.  At all...  Why...Would I desire this, to feel this, these, things?  At all?  Just.  At all...?

[APeacefulWarrior]

You make the choice to focus on suffering. Life is what you make of it, with near-infinite aspects to examine. If suffering is the aspect of life that you choose to focus your attention on, you'll undoubtedly find it in great quantity.

Also, unless I've missed something, I don't think I've seen too many folks here pushing you to leave or otherwise overtly rejecting you. Disagreement is not rejection. And going around telling people that they're going to become "judgmental horrors" is a really good way of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy - I mean, surely you realize that could be pretty insulting to those who aren't trying to judge you, right?

Basically, if you're going to leave, at least leave for honest reasons. It would be your own choice, nothing else. Passively blaming the group for what you fear might happen is just avoiding responsibility for your own decisions.

Or if you choose to stay, that's fine by me. I think this place is improved by having more and different points of view, not through some sort of enforced conformity. But that would require you having the willingness to face philosophical disagreement without taking it too personally.

Either way, best of luck wherever your path takes you. Just try to remember that you are loved. Really!

[earth_spirit]

-----

[APeacefulWarrior]

My personal take is that any moment of joy, happiness, or love we find in 3D is helping to lessen the suffering in the world. Learning to embrace\radiate higher-dimensional Love -in the way Ra speaks of Wanderers doing- is directly working towards turning Earth into a more loving place. And there's already plenty of love in and of the Earth, it's just easy to overlook given how easy it is to fixate on the negative.

It's only doomed to hellish suffering if we collectively give up on trying to make it better.

Or as Ra said (17.23) "I am Ra. The Earth seems to be negative. That is due to the quiet, shall we say, horror which is the common distortion which those good or positively oriented entities have towards the occurrences which are of your space/time present. However, those oriented and harvestable in the ways of service to others greatly outnumber those whose orientation towards service to self has become that of harvestable quality."

The negatives get all the press, basically.

[AnthroHeart]

Thought it was fitting.

[isis]

1st of all, congratulations on getting my 2000th post.
i think you should stay - the more the merrier.
i like this place bc it gathers people that get synchronicity. (i'm not a big fan of the Ra material - have read about 20% of it. i don't believe in channeling.)

2nd of all, infinity is a long time.
i think it's not inconceivable that, after countless eons, an awareness would desire a reality that's *seemingly* less than harmonious - "seemingly" bc i think there can only ever be harmony/perfection.

if all is the one infinite (& immeasurably powerful) creator then how can there ever be a victim? the creator can only play the victim - it can never really be one, imo.

i often find myself forgetting that i think this, though, & getting upset about things but it never takes long before i find my inner voice saying something like, 'maybe there can never be a victim, maybe everything that happens was meant to happen - for some reason i can't yet know...' & these thoughts always comfort me & then the next thing i know i'm getting hit with a mind-blowing synchronicity that often seems to happen just to confirm my mindset.

[Minyatur]

 2. The acceptance of a being who essentially desires to rape, torture, and murder for fun like a game, in order to learn.  And while there is an infinite array of better things to focus on, that is the final utmost implication of everything I've read regarding the Law, of One.  Hence, I cannot accept it as 'real' and can only accept it as 'illusion' and hence, moving into nihilistic emptiness is only a step away, being and maintaining both is nearly impossible to do in a way that is pleasant...

In this case, acceptance under the Law of One is awareness that under the right circumstances YOU are the raper. It is not external to yourself, it is a mirror unto you. As such without similar causes and effects, one can think that it is unlike him but under the Law of One it is known that it is not. So instead of blocking at the rejection of it, one can try to see beyond the act, into the causes and effects that can bring one to do such acts.

That cruelty of creation that makes me now view everything as not real but illusion for the sake of many...It is what has fluked me up since April, it is what I have grappled with for 6 months dipping in and out of nihilism and despair wondering, WHY?

The "WHY?" is Love. It is not meant to be easy to process but Love is the force behind all of the things, even those you believe to be without Love.

And now I'm beginning to realize no one else see's what I see as I do, I might literally be by myself with this.  Even worse, I'm so closed up from everything now in horror at those implications that I don't know what to do or say or think or be or anything, at all.  I just live and exist now because I do, without reason, and it is miserable.

We all exist because we exist. Nothingness does seem blissful, but we will get our rest in due time.

You have 3D, where Catalyst or 'life occurrences' appear.  The Catalyst is cyclical, and will repeat infinitely becoming harder and harder slowly more and more, until you progress with some hint of learning a lesson about 'love', which isn't romantic or unconditional human love but it's own Pronoun and Law of Existence, The Law of Love, which is different from the Original Thought which birthed the Law of Love I should add, yet somehow the Same as per the Law of One.
From these lessons if one fails to comprehend them, the catalyst moves on and begins 'inflicting' upon you physically and mentally ailments or aversions such as pain, or mental disorders, or physical failures.  Until you learn the lessons involved, these things will persist until the end of your life.
On top of that, souls incarnate into 3D beings in order to suffer.  Would a human being who doesn't need to learn lessons of love suffer?  Not nearly as much as one learning those lessons intensely, even if they aren't aware of those lessons to be learned.  You have an Octave that is indifferently unconditionally loving in regards to their own actions towards such Densities as 2 and 3.  Allowing, and yes, it is allowance, there's no other mannerism, even to just let something be is to allow it to be.  Indifference is no better from helping suffering continue, unconditional love making you just let something be is no different from indifference.  All is One, the Good is Bad, the Bad is Good, it's literally the same thing.
What that means: All of the genocide, slaughtering, murdering, torturing, raping, the insanity, madness, and horror.
It is all here because the Creator desires it, those desires exist through the many individuals that comprise the Creator who channel that aspect of the Creator into manifestation.
While this is 'fair' as per the Law of Free Will, it is also designed to be that way, to cause those levels of suffering.
In 3D furthermore it's supposedly provided some forms of protection, such as, no individual will receive more than they can handle.  Observation: Suicide rates in just Veterans alone is high, Japan's suicide rates are horrendous.  Individuals DO receive more than they can handle.  Hence, there are some things that are said, but not true as well.  I was told as per Carla's Living the Law of One 101, that to do such and such will attract that such to I, the reciprocal reality of existence known as The Law of Attraction, never mentioned, but clearly explained mechanically in her book.  Only, it doesn't work in the way it's described.  From that speculation, while it does work to bring forth some desires as described to a degree, it does not operate in a literal sense.  Not exactly a lie, but misinformed, not in a bad or intentionally mean way, but in a way that does leave one very perplexed at why this is apparently working, but at the exact same time not working.

I don't necessarily agree with your perception of 3D. The beauty of 3D is how real it seems from a veiled perspective, it is well to note that every entity on these planes are creatures of timelessness that have always been and will ever be. Moving from experiences to experiences, all that happens is not fake, in this 3D environment you could say it's in a way even more real and that is exactly what makes it so harsh.

Also faith in that each of us create of our reality is well. Some can move through 3D in a veiled environment, but there has been much more non-veiled or less-veiled environment provided which did not have these kind of catalysts. Many wanted to be born into these places, but many also want to be born in places such as this because ultimately the entity that they are will shine a brighter light while moving through what comes next. Pain and sufferings allow one to know greater love, that is why it can be a chosen experience.

In my view this unconditional love you speak of is nothing like indifference, it is a love that will share every pain out of love for the one who wanted this experience as part of his path. From what Ra has said, one could also think that our Logos is not made up of entities that have experienced these kind of catalysts, so through us they are experiencing it and evolving themselves just as we are.

To be in 3D, is to suffer.  The Law of One paints a picture, in my mind, that is of Hell.  3rd Density is hell for many, and it is desired to be that way by the Creator.

Well I do not see 3D as hell nor do I suffer so much (had moments of sufferings). It is well to note that your 3D experience is heavily linked to how you have programmed it yourself. Both heaven and hell can be found down here.

I, as an individual, have been told that my ego is wrong.  That I am wrong.  I...I don't know how to explain it beyond describing it. I don't know how to articulate it.  The Law of One is NOT evil or cruel, but inside it's depths is deposited some kind of...Pattern that when noticed, takes you right to hell on Earth inside your mind.  I noticed it, unfortunately.  I'm not the only one but they too have become silent in mentioning it, almost like it's a taboo...And even then they too don't seem to see it as I do.

But it exists and I will boldly say it as such, whether anyone believes me is up to them.  Inside the Law of One is misinformation so subtle (probably because of the mechanisms that the contact, being designed the way it is, goes about operating and the frugal nature of Don's questioning...  which I don't think is fair to the damn guy as he didn't even know about it at first...)  And in that subtle misinformation is the view of simply this. (I assume the following perspectives derive from misinformation or misunderstanding of information, if not both.)

Well about this, I seek my wisdom inwardly not outwardly. Any kind of material to me is nothing but keys to help with remembrance.

Also egos are wrong and not wrong. You could say that they are wrong in that they are only temporary and will without doubt die to move toward a greater truth. You could say that they are very real in that through their own filter, nothing is more than real what is felt.

You are on Earth without purpose beyond doing what your soul wants you to do.
Thus you must be given catalyst to learn your lessons you've come here to learn.
Except you don't know that, and if you fail a catalyst you get harmed by yourself naturally as you continue to do so.
And if you pass, the cycle will continue with increasing difficulty.  If you do nothing, you fail in a very bad way and get hurt by it.
You cannot stop catalyst, if you try it will continue mercilessly, no matter what you do, even doing nothing it continues.
You are haunted by past mistakes, and tied to Earth by those mistakes until you absolve all mistakes with forgiveness, except you don't know what your past mistakes are or what you need to forgive unless you're made aware of it.  While catalyst attempts this, you would never be consciously aware of what you're being pushed into doing to learn from until a certain point of becoming aware of it, but still not knowing much more about it beyond 'pay more attention'.
If you do not learn your lesson you must repeat it in another life, you cannot not do this, you are tied to 3D by karma and cannot leave essentially.
If you do not learn your lessons by the end of the 75k year mark, you must repeat another 75k years.  Infinitely until you learn your lessons.
If you try to leave prematurely, you must repeat the same incarnation, exact same, everything.

So basically, learn your lessons, Or else, you don't have a choice.

About this I do believe you leave out an important aspect, that is the veil. The veil is not some static thing that is the same for everyone, the veil is something that allowed you to program your experience to a certain extent so that it'd be how YOU wanted it to be. Not the OIC, the YOU that came here to experience what IT wanted to experience.

Not sure how the 75K year mark works, unless you're native or have never went beyond 3D, I doubt you have to abide to it as you could just return to your native density upon remembering enough of yourself. But it is will to note as I have written up there, we are creatures of timelessness with infinite time and space as a playground. The veil makes you forget all of that, I definitely can understand why every wanderer who came to earth could come, it is one of a kind experience that'll teach you a lot about yourself in a ridiculously short amount of time.

The implications:
Souls use Humans and Animals as cannon fodder to learn from them, being timeless entities that use finite entities causing them suffering during their short existence (each personality to me is as sacred as a soul, ego or otherwise)
Souls Free Will supercedes their Persona's Free Will, essentially, Human's and such shells used for incarnation have no free will, and are pieces in a game.  We are as the video game character we control in this life, only we're not the one's in control beyond the belief that we are (what derives our thoughts, where do they come from?  I don't formulate them out of nothingness apparently, the ego and consciousness come together to formulate the existence of any thoughts that occur)
OH BUT THERE'S MORE; not only are my thoughts apparently not my own, none of them are as I might be thinking things PUT INTO MY HEAD by another I am not aware of.  Another fine way to deal with this as designed apparently according to the Law of One, is to just 'pay attention' hoping you have the instinctual arsenal of conscious perks inside of you to be able to 'just tell' through 'resonance' if a thought of the infinite many you might be having at any moment, is or is not your own.
So not only can I not trust my actions and words are my own, but my thoughts too are not my own.  Nothing I do is my own beyond what I do and determine to be my own.

About thoughts, all you require is some time of dedicated meditation to dissociate yourself from your thoughts. Then experiences of noticing when your thoughts follow usual patterns or things you thought of stopping and are not stopping. I find it kinda easy to discern personally.

If something is able to put thoughts within your mind then that is because YOU resonate with these thoughts. There is a lot of rules and everything works mainly on resonance. This part kind of is very well covered within the Bible except that you can break these links using something else than Jesus' name if you want. You could say your distortions channel entities. "Sin" can create links with entities that do resonate with this "sin". You open the door unto it.

And now I'm lost once more.  I have tried, I SAW I did see!  I saw how all was love, I was there and everything was perfect but now.  As it's sunk in and been digested...  I see a different story.  A different reality.  A different existence.

And the implications of it are simply such that I don't want to be a part of.  I don't want to be a part of a being that desires such cruel things, who designs such cruel things, who manifests such cruel things.

Because of that single implication of a cruel being, as well as loving.  I have to put down the Law of One, it's many teaching will remain with me as a positive portion of this divine ride I stepped on (which many of you reference to be a roller coaster, only I view it as including the divine background as well) and such lessons as All are One, and Reciprocal Design will be kept.

But some, if not many things in the Ra Material will now be systematically 'dropped' as Ra, Q'uo, and the others have asked I do when this information goes from useful to a blockage that I'm stumbling upon.

I don't even know if I should stick around this forum anymore, if it'd be insulting or somehow 'wrong' to denounce the Law of One and remain.  Certainly doing so always strikes a chord, even mentioning to 'fix' it will piss people off and turn them into the usual judgmental horrors I purposefully work graveyard shifts to vehemently avoid.

And why else but because I'm tired of it?

I desire to be left alone by people, by 'society'.  I have been alone, my entire life.  I don't comprehend what Unconditional Love is because I've never known it consciously even if its being given to me.  Because I'm oblivious, for whatever reason, because I am the way I am.

And I used to love it, until I learned how incompatible I was with society, then I came to hate it because I didn't want to be alone, then being alone for so long against my will...I finally just accepted it.

Life, thus, to me is empty but very beautiful and sacred.  It isn't a 'bad' empty, it is akin to that state of being where all is as is without reason, an empty existence, that is potentially beautiful.

But empty suffering, is not beautiful.  I tried to see it with a sacred touch, I saw only...  I...  I just couldn't see sacredness in the manner I'm used to seeing it, all I saw was, something I do not desire and I pray to myself I never will.  Even as I take it in and have absorbed the madness, I have chosen to even slowly pull it out of my head.  Murder Fantasies as an older thread pointed out, I am sick of them, I did not have them until this past year struggling with everything about this spiritual system.  Now, I see them, I accept them, and now I reject them.

And I reject much more than just them.  I want to Love, and be loved.  That is...I am beginning to suspect...Not my purpose here anymore.  I am beginning to suspect I have no purpose here, I am LITERALLY just here to Wander aimlessly emptily as I look outwards or inwards.  Because to me, that is all there is.  While the Ra Material brought the Light to my vision, it turns out I see it differently.  It's just empty to me.  Surely it is present and being, even a plenum, but it is all empty.

Whats the point?
Then I'm rebutted with why must there be a point.  I answer to that with, because of suffering.  Why do they, I, we, us, everything, suffer so vehemently?  From 1st density to 2nd density to 3rd density to apparently 4th and 5th density (what with Thought War's and such as negative entities being transformed and positive entities falling to negativity).

I see a creation that is not what I desire to be in.

What, do I do?!!

Do you want to know what it is like to not want to be a part of something you apparently are inseparable from?  I don't even want to die, I just want to cease awareness, cease experience, cease existence here.  I want to silence my very consciousness and take from the Creator that part, and let it know I cannot accept its creation or being if this is truly what it is.

I simply cannot for the reason that it is pointless mindless fun to harm.  Equivalent Exchange in a sense, for one to gain one must lose.  To learn one must suffer apparently.

It's ridiculous.  If the Creator didn't 'design' it that way then the Creator too didn't create it meaning the Creator has to abide by something, even just in speculation there is no resolution, it's just endless, endless and I can't accept that I live in an endless existence of suffering.

I can't accept that I live in Hell, that Hell lives in me, that this CAN BE LITERALLY Hell.  I cannot accept a being who did/will do/does these things, just to learn, to entities that...

No.

I think I've said enough, I think if you don't see my view by now and understand why I fear for some who come into contact with the Ra Material, then my reality is wholly separate your's somehow, someway, thanks to 3D separating them that much more so.

No.  I reject all of this.  This is Hellish, I don't understand why no one else see's this...

It doesn't matter.

I do not know if the Creator is right or wrong or if WE are right of wrong. I know WE were alone as ONE with nothing but an empty void and that WE desired to be something, to be all of the things that WE could think of. WE thought of being many and not only ONE, WE though of creating worlds for US to exist within among ourselves, WE thought of the veil, to experiences stories while forgetting who WE truly are. WE did this as love for OURSELVES, because the only other thing to love was nothingness and WE desired a different fate.

Let me know if I should stay or go, B4thers.  I am tired.  I am, I don't think I'll make the choice here as I feel it technically isn't mine once I post this.  As a community, I want to leave it up to you all to accept or reject me.  I don't reject this community, and I don't reject 100% the Ra Material.  And being tired, I no longer think I have the mental faculties to deal with those who reject me and do not want to deal with me or my opinions.  I will leave if that is what is desired.

Anyways, I'm pretty sad.  I don't have anything else of use or value to say I think.  I just wanna cry and get it out of the way.  So I'm gonna go do that.

So.  I guess just let me know, should I stay or should I go?  No hard feelings on rejection.  Just...Be honest please.

P.S.  You should hear the things and opinions I am feeling towards my higher self at this time.  Why am I going through this?  What is there to learn from it when I just want to cease?  I don't want this.  At all...  Why...Would I desire this, to feel this, these, things?  At all?  Just.  At all...?

I think you should stay, if you do leave then I will hope you will return when the time is right.

About your higher self, picture that you are him experiencing this first hand while he is you experiencing this second hand. If you do not have faith in it, I do have faith that all of this is to bring a great change within yourself, so that your light ultimately will shine brighter.

[Minyatur]

What does letting go of the LOO means? That you will not view what you reject in others as part of yourself?

[Ooo]

In case you don't see my private message, I'll just leave this here:

You know what's funny, My Tired Philosopher? I had written you a rather lengthy reply in response to this illusory thread of yours. I felt compelled to. But then I left my illusory home for a brief while to restock on illusory supplies and when I came back... lo and behold! My illusory laptop had rebooted and I illusorily lost everything (I should have saved the illusory draft—unfortunately B4 doesn't do it on its own).

I might get back to you later, if illusory time permits. (in short: I'd slap you across the face first, of course, and then give you a warm embrace)

Otherwise, I leave you this rather effete but succinct token of appreciation & support:

[rva_jeremy]

Tired Philosopher, I support you 100%. Hate to lose you--I think you contribute a lot--but you gotta do what's right for you.

I want to impress just one idea on you: the message of Ra and the other Confederation entities that we've heard is just one take. And not only one take; it's necessarily incomplete, to the extent it is expressed in words that have to piece together ideas from symbols and grammar, let alone any distortions that may have been introduced.

There are elements of how you express your take on things that seem incomplete to me. But if I were to share my nitpicks, I'd be sharing a similarly incomplete understanding. None of us have all the pieces except to the extent we're able to connect with information that transcends our present view of things. So don't let one conception of the Law of One be a stumbling block.

Here's another idea: the things you perceive that frighten you may or may not have validity--who knows for sure? But if they are true, then they must be accepted, no? And if they're false, then they have no real danger, no? This is why the role model of Law of One students, in my humble opinion, is not the magician or the hierophant but the fool who knows he doesn't know.

I'd say you're more a Law of One student than ever because you're living the philosophy emotionally, not just mentally. In the same way you didn't understand all of Ra's concepts the first time you read, maybe there's an emotional balance that you can achieve through further exploration of these fearful ideas. But if nothing else, trust your gut and keep living the life of the heart.

Take care brother.

[Monica]

To be in 3D, is to suffer.  The Law of One paints a picture, in my mind, that is of Hell.

I have concluded this also. But, Ra's explanation of why it is this way is the most logical, reasonable explanation I've heard. It sure beats the 'Adam and Eve ate an apple' version of why there's suffering!

I do fine it heartening that this planet is rather unusual. I think of it sort of like a school for juvenile delinquents.

What helps me is realizing that there is a LOT of other life out there. The Earth isn't the end-all. If Earth were all there is, that really would be depressing.

3rd Density is hell for many, and it is desired to be that way by the Creator.

I wouldn't say the Creator. But the Logos maybe...who is, essentially, the Creator of this little world in this little neck of the woods.

I, as an individual, have been told that my ego is wrong.  That I am wrong.  I...I don't know how to explain it beyond describing it. I don't know how to articulate it.  The Law of One is NOT evil or cruel, but inside it's depths is deposited some kind of...Pattern that when noticed, takes you right to hell on Earth inside your mind.  I noticed it, unfortunately.  I'm not the only one but they too have become silent in mentioning it, almost like it's a taboo...And even then they too don't seem to see it as I do.

You aren't the first person to say that. Another person told me almost exactly the same thing. I don't perceive it that way at all, but I can understand why others might. It might help to remember that Ra isn't a 'god' but simply a group of souls trying to help us. Think of them as...people who are just further along the road than we are.

OH BUT THERE'S MORE; not only are my thoughts apparently not my own, none of them are as I might be thinking things PUT INTO MY HEAD by another I am not aware of.  Another fine way to deal with this as designed apparently according to the Law of One, is to just 'pay attention' hoping you have the instinctual arsenal of conscious perks inside of you to be able to 'just tell' through 'resonance' if a thought of the infinite many you might be having at any moment, is or is not your own.
So not only can I not trust my actions and words are my own, but my thoughts too are not my own.  Nothing I do is my own beyond what I do and determine to be my own.

Where did you get that from? I see no basis for that idea in the Law of One.

And the implications of it are simply such that I don't want to be a part of.  I don't want to be a part of a being that desires such cruel things, who designs such cruel things, who manifests such cruel things.

I agree with you on that!

But some, if not many things in the Ra Material will now be systematically 'dropped' as Ra, Q'uo, and the others have asked I do when this information goes from useful to a blockage that I'm stumbling upon.

It's ok to drop parts of it that don't resonate, or even drop all of it entirely.

I don't even know if I should stick around this forum anymore, if it'd be insulting or somehow 'wrong' to denounce the Law of One and remain.  Certainly doing so always strikes a chord, even mentioning to 'fix' it will piss people off and turn them into the usual judgmental horrors I purposefully work graveyard shifts to vehemently avoid.

That's between you and the mods. I will say only that you aren't the only member here who doesn't fully accept Ra's teachings.

I desire to be left alone by people, by 'society'.  I have been alone, my entire life.  I don't comprehend what Unconditional Love is because I've never known it consciously even if its being given to me.  Because I'm oblivious, for whatever reason, because I am the way I am.

I'm sorry to hear that. Really. I hope you find unconditional love! In yourself and/or another.

Whats the point?
Then I'm rebutted with why must there be a point.  I answer to that with, because of suffering.  Why do they, I, we, us, everything, suffer so vehemently?  From 1st density to 2nd density to 3rd density to apparently 4th and 5th density (what with Thought War's and such as negative entities being transformed and positive entities falling to negativity).

I see a creation that is not what I desire to be in.

What, do I do?!!

Do you want to know what it is like to not want to be a part of something you apparently are inseparable from?  I don't even want to die, I just want to cease awareness, cease experience, cease existence here.  I want to silence my very consciousness and take from the Creator that part, and let it know I cannot accept its creation or being if this is truly what it is.

Maybe that is part of your mission...to tell the Logos that. I have concluded that for myself and fully intend to speak up. I think the Logos has lost touch with what's going on down here...what it feels like to be a junkie dying in an alley or a victim of violence dying a slow, cruel death...or even what it feels like to be a wolf and suffer from constant itching by fleas every single, miserable moment of his life.

Ra has stated that this was somewhat of an experiment. Well I have concluded that it's a failed experiment. That's what I'm reporting back. There has to be a better way to facilitate evolution! I refuse to accept that this is somehow optimal.

I can't accept that I live in Hell, that Hell lives in me, that this CAN BE LITERALLY Hell.  I cannot accept a being who did/will do/does these things, just to learn, to entities that...

The problem is, though, that rejecting the Law of One won't solve anything, because the problem lies not in Ra's explanation of why this is a 'hell' but the fact that it IS.

Whether one accepts the Law of One or not doesn't change that reality.

I think I've said enough, I think if you don't see my view by now and understand why I fear for some who come into contact with the Ra Material,

How is the Ra Material any worse than, say, the Christian religion which states that most of the world's population will suffer in a pit of fire for all eternity?

Personally I find Ra's explanation much more reasonable and compassionate. No eternal hell...just a temporary one. And Ra is the only entity who has provided us with the tools to effect change. Sure beats 'just accept Jesus as your Savior and you'll be in paradise but your unsaved loved ones will BURN!' mentality so prevalent in religions.

So.  I guess just let me know, should I stay or should I go?  No hard feelings on rejection.  Just...Be honest please.

No one can decide that for you. It is your choice. You might ask yourself whether you get value from this place, despite not accepting the Law of One.

P.S.  You should hear the things and opinions I am feeling towards my higher self at this time.  Why am I going through this?  What is there to learn from it when I just want to cease?  I don't want this.  At all...  Why...Would I desire this, to feel this, these, things?  At all?  Just.  At all...?

I understand. I really do. I've been there.

For what it's worth, blessings to you!

...

[Berilac Sandydowns]

My experience has been that sometimes the only thing that can "fix" a problem is Time.
The Ra material and the meditation transcripts are incredibly dense sources of cosmological info.
I see Ra as outlining a very rigid, basic, stripped down framework of Creation.
Throw in the transcripts, Bible, NWO, Hidden Hand, Awareness, Wingmakers and a million other things hung on the basic structure and sometimes it seems that having 6 heads wouldn't be enough to take it all in.

There's a kind of Spiritual Frenzy that, I believe, all seekers are afflicted with occasionally.
Consider that you may be in the throws of such a ...fit.
You're averaging about 6 posts a day here Tired.
If there's one area of Knowledge that takes a LOT of time to integrate, it's... umm.... This.

I remember how horrified and upset I was when it started to dawn on me that I was kind of alone.
No Fate. No Destiny.
Just Me having to take responsibility for myself. My own life.

Something that really helped me was knowing that Life is full of hills and valleys.
When you seem to be in a deep valley remember where you were 6 months ago and think where you could be 6 months from now.
All is change.

haha "Seek not the Elves for advice, for they will say both yes and no."

Smile.

[Parsons]

It really saddens me to hear you are in this state of mind. I wish I knew how to help more directly but I can see many of the concepts that bring me peace you see in a negative light. So I don't think sharing any more concepts that bring me great comfort would really help since the ones I already shared seem to bring greater confusion.

I can only share my experience when I was in a very similar state of mind. I assure you, I was quite mentally/emotionally wounded at one time and had a similar state of mind as you. I can't stress enough that my feelings of despair about the messed up state of the world / universe were a projection of my own messed up mental/emotional state. I thought I desperately wanted to heal a dysfunctional world when I really wanted to desperately heal my dysfunctional psyche. That MUST be your first priority. You can't save the world / the creation if you can't save yourself. I am not saying this to blame you or hurt you or look down on you. I say this because I badly want you to heal yourself.

I know it seems "too simple" or you may simply not want to do it, but I would highly recommend seeing a therapist/psychologist of some kind. They may not have all the answers or be able to fully understand your state of mind or worldview, but I think they could at least get you on the right track. I saw like 4 or 5 over the years and didn't find them to be directly helpful, but they were at least a sort of 'sounding board' (for lack of a better term) that allowed me to slowly but surely heal myself.

[Karl]

Dude just stay. I don't care what you believe. You're not your thoughts.

[Shemaya]

Love to you TTP.

I understand how you feel and hope you find your joy again soon.  It's there, I am sure of it.

For such a sweet, tender hearted, loving being ......I am sure that your joy will be very infectious for others.

The LOO is just one way of looking at Creation.  There are many different ways, stories and myths so you don't have to stick with this one!  You can write your own story you know  

  And if you let it go, it would be a shame to leave the connections and friendships you have made.

Why don't you keep what makes sense and discard the non-sense?  That is what I did with Christianity, which I love and have had many lives believing.  Now I have fully let go of the dogmas, doctrines and nonsense, and held onto the truth and beauty.  

There is a lot of truth and beauty in the Ra material.  Likely, there is some distortion as well. 

[Aion]

My friend, I don't know if my words will mean anything but I hope you read them. I hope you stay, and partake of confusion with us since we are also confused. Maybe these words don't mean anything but I love you unconditionally, maybe that isn't the same as 'cosmic' higher love or Love from higher self, but it is real genuine love from me, a being whom is also confused and also infinite.

I hope that you see my love even if you cannot feel it.

[anagogy]

The Tired Philosopher,

You are clearly in a very distraught state of mind and your post, and ideas contained therein, are a prime example of why the human vantage point is such a warped one.  It is like looking through beer goggles.  The world looks like a very misshapen place from that perspective.

Rather than approach your post, point by point, and try to dissect your thought processes, I'm going to do something else, something that I've tried to do with you in another thread.  And that is to direct your mind away from thought for a while.  I'm going to make some statements that I feel are true within me, and I want you to look inside yourself, and simply try to feel in your heart if they are true or not.  If there is one thing that life has taught me it is that, if something doesn't feel right, doesn't look right, it probably isn't right.  And human thought, no matter how eloquently fashioned, will distort the truth, because the yellow ray perspective is just like the beer goggles.  You have to go beyond that perspective to see things how they really are.  And then, when you are looking at the world through your heart, instead of your mind, you will see that ALL IS WELL, and always has been.

I believe that we are all one.  And that our core nature is well being, security, love, power, and peace.  

I believe that we are all free, and that any point of consciousness can choose what it creates by focusing on what it wants to experience.

I believe that anytime a being experiences that which it does not want, it then knows more clearly what it does want, and explores the other side of that equation in either in this incarnation or the next.

I believe that all disharmony is the result of focusing in opposition to what I really want, and that harmony is the natural state because all is one, and oneness cannot act against itself.

I believe that this disharmony serves a valuable purpose, because it births the desires for new and varied experiences, which we may then align to, and experience the benefits of.

I believe that creation is the most fundamental desire, and the one that brings the most satisfaction, because it is the purpose of life.  To create, and then to share our creation is one of the most fundamentally satisfying things we can do as creators.

I believe that we focus some circumstances into being before we get here, but then continue to mold the clay of our lives as we live it by what we focus on and come into resonance with.

I believe that when I'm focused on what I desire, I will feel the glowing well being inside me that is my core nature, because I am not focused in opposition to who I have become as a result of experience.

I believe that every point of consciousness in existence has the ability to consult the guidance within, in the form of emotion, and come into harmony with it.  Humans have the hardest time with this, because of the veil, which is why we go to such excruciating lengths to understand thing intellectually, rather than finding the inner knowing within.

I believe that when I am unperturbed within myself, and at peace, the universe can begin to reveal its clarity, its peace, well being, and beauty to me in ways more individually tailored and synchronistic and better than I could have possibly dreamed of.

I believe that things are essentially simple in nature, and that things only seem complicated when we out of touch with the well being of the universe.

I believe that there is no opposite to love, simply resistance to love.  When resistance is released, love is the default.

I believe that all is well, and furthermore, believe that you and I are one, and that all beings are my spiritual family forever.

[Aion]

Put most simply, I don't care what you believe, I consider you a friend, TTP. It is then your choice whether or not that friendship goes both ways. If there is friendship then communion is always there even if there isn't that same perception.

In the end, I don't think anyone should adhere to anything they don't truly believe in.

[bodhidharma]

I desire to be left alone by people, by 'society'.  I have been alone, my entire life.

And I used to love it, until I learned how incompatible I was with society, then I came to hate it because I didn't want to be alone, then being alone for so long against my will...I finally just accepted it.

I suggest you look deeply into those quotations.  Is it true that you've 'finally just accepted it?'  Have you deeply re-programmed your sub-conscious to accept it or has it been more a surface phenomenon?

Death and Resurrection happen daily, even moment to moment to be aware of this opens up the possibilities endlessly.  Would it be possible to shift from The Tired Philo to The Energetic Philo or something much more positive?

The creator and creation can be viewed as negatively or positively as you like and both are equally valid.  It's our choice.  When we look at the creation, are we really seeing the creation or just a reflection of ourself?  Once a shift takes place within, the creation we see takes on a completely different flavor.

Living from the 'ego' or empty shell of personality is hell, unconscious hell.  Living from the inside out, or from Essence or Being transforms unconscious hell to conscious Heaven regardless of how much 'bad' stuff is happening 'out there'.  Space-time is hell, but you don't have to live there completely.  Experiencing time-space while incarnated is Magic.

[Matt1]

If you wish to stay or go its your choice. I do not see the flaws in the Law of One as such, i consider it to be the basis of all spirituality in the truest sense. I don't think its prefect but then again nothing else is in reality as we experience it.

[BlatzAdict]

umm how we feel about you is nothing compared to how you feel about and judge yourself.

we're simply extensions of you and your perception in your world.

with that said. i accept you, however i don't think the efficacy of saying that can supersede your own views of yourself. do you let others who reject you bring down your own perceptions of yourself?

if so.. then you still have balancing to work on, seriously cause most of the souls here suck. i suck lol and i make a lot of enemies...

but if i dwelled on that aspect of my being, surely i'd feel as you.

i want to find solace in what i have and learn to stop wanting things i do not have.. i'm looking for deeper ways to humble my heart.

[Stranger]

TTP, Ra once said, "we cannot plumb the depths of the distortion complexes which infect your peoples." (session 3.6).

This underscores very nicely the point anagogy has made about our perspective being like "beer goggles." But it's worse than that. In our particular form of 3D here on earth, we are completely, completely disoriented. I would not be surprised if, compared to the clarity of an unveiled perspective, what we consider to be our "understanding of reality" appeared as nonsensical as the ravings of a paranoid schizophrenic.

This ignorance and confusion is a very bad vantage point for passing judgment, on anything.

I think all of us here have had awakening experiences. Part of that is having our "understandings" turned upside down - when the "knowledge" we took for granted suddenly turned out to be a horribly distorted misrepresentation of reality.

Yet despite that initial awakening and getting a tiny glimpse of the truth, we're still, for all effects and purposes, lost in a fever dream.

The only thing to hold on to in this vertigo is: there is a Creator whose vision is clearer than ours. He loves us and takes care of us. By allowing that love to shine through us, we heal ourselves and find increasing peace, harmony and joy. This we know from direct experience; on the other hand, any inferences about Creation deriving from what we see in 3D through our delusional perspective on Reality is speculation from a very blurry point of view.

Therefore, having confronted many of the same moral qualms which you bring up - and I can certainly relate to everything you have said in your post, TTP -- I have decided that avidya, "monumental ignorance", is not a position from which I can reasonably condemn the Creation or the Creator which I have no hope of understanding at the moment.

Our perspective is like that of a person who fell down a well, hit his head losing his memory, and woke up exclaiming, "What a horrible world this is! It's all small, dark, wet and cold!" The beings who are not in our well - who see farther and more clearly than we do -- assure us that this is all "a perfect part of a perfect plan."

Since I am in a well and I know it, instead of passing judgment on the Creator and reality I'm going to trust their word about what a clearer perspective looks like, and use the ladder (love) to climb out of the well. Then, I will be sane enough to decide how I really feel about it all. Until then, I've got work to do.

Hope to see you topside in the sunshine, TTP.

P.S. Why not try asking your Higher Self how he feels about Creation from his point of view?

[Stranger]

P.P.S.

A couple of things to watch out for as you navigate your way through the dark spot you find yourself in:

"Emotional reasoning" is the belief that feelings accurately represent reality; if I feel a certain way, it must be true. If I feel that the world is bleak and hopeless, then it must be because the world really is bleak and hopeless.

In actuality, it is helpful to question whether or not they accurately reflect reality; often they do not.

"Confirmation bias" is our unconscious, automatic tendency to seek out evidence that our beliefs are correct, and ignore evidence to the contrary.

Combine emotional reasoning with confirmation bias. The result is that when we feel down, we also believe that our bleak view of reality is correct, and will tend to focus on all the suffering and misery that supports our belief. It's a form of inertia, and unless we're able to interrupt this cycle, will make it difficult to get a clearer perspective on life.

[Billy]

Even though I didn't read your entire post, I feel as though I am in a similar position and understand where you are coming from.  I have been entirely unable to read or consider spiritual material or concepts as of late.  I even feel repulsed by them at times.  For the most part however, I simply find them exhausting and the comfort and hope they used to provide no longer apply.

Maybe a break from spirituality will prove helpful?

I hope that you are able to find some peace and meaning in your life TTP, really, I do.

[Jeremy]

Sounds like a defeatist mentality. Stuff gets too tough so let's bury our head in the sand. Sorry to hear that brother. But you can swim the waters of indifference all ya want and that's perfectly ok. It'll all pan out in the end and you'll ultimately laugh at your self once this incarnation ends and you realize how silly this entire play really is.


Actually the latest channeling released today deals with this very exact thing.

http://llresearch.org/transcripts/issues..._1003.aspx

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

You make the choice to focus on suffering. Life is what you make of it, with near-infinite aspects to examine. If suffering is the aspect of life that you choose to focus your attention on, you'll undoubtedly find it in great quantity.

Also, unless I've missed something, I don't think I've seen too many folks here pushing you to leave or otherwise overtly rejecting you. Disagreement is not rejection. And going around telling people that they're going to become "judgmental horrors" is a really good way of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy - I mean, surely you realize that could be pretty insulting to those who aren't trying to judge you, right?

Basically, if you're going to leave, at least leave for honest reasons. It would be your own choice, nothing else. Passively blaming the group for what you fear might happen is just avoiding responsibility for your own decisions.

Or if you choose to stay, that's fine by me. I think this place is improved by having more and different points of view, not through some sort of enforced conformity. But that would require you having the willingness to face philosophical disagreement without taking it too personally.

Either way, best of luck wherever your path takes you. Just try to remember that you are loved. Really!

I took some time to think on this. Thank you for that honesty, it helped. I am blaming my own perceptions on something that gave me a greater view into them. I still need to work through all of these emotions too. You could say I am rejecting parts of who I could potentially be, from replaying in my mind. I don't like those thoughts. So I want to drop them, I accepted them, now I'm letting them go.

About being loved, I know I am, it's terrifying because in a sense, I feel unworthy of it. You all have such beautiful views and insights and I'm sitting here stuck in my own views of reality closedminded and in denial with some things. I want to return the favor, so I thought about everyone's posts for a while.

I also wanted to cease to exist for similar reasons. But far as I'm concerned, I am not real. Given that humans are "created", our "consciousness" is merely some kind of artificial intelligence and whatever experience we have of ourselves is likewise artificial. Thus, our "rejection" of this "hellish" reality is pre-emptively falsified. I suppose.

Sometimes I dream of destroying everything. Concoct genetic plagues to eradicate humanity, and blow up Earth itself with nuclear or particle weapons. The ultimate purpose is not destruction itself, but ending the suffering. The dilemma is that, who am I to impose my perception of reality on others? It is entirely possible that this "hellish" planet is full of brave, selfless entities who love the Creator so damn much that they willingly sacrifice themselves in pits of intense suffering to provide unique experiences to the Maker. You could be one of them.

There is love and bliss everywhere. I sleep alone every night, and would very much like a companion.. Yet I can still "sense" that I am enveloped in Love. It is so intense that I feel like I could not possibly deserve it.

I realize that I may be.. "invalidating" some of your experiences with my suppositions, and for that I apologize. I very much enjoyed reading your posts on this forum, and would prefer that you stay with us.

Thank you too! I don't see it like that, but that too is a scary reality. I sometimes feel closed off from receiving love. I often feel out of place in the world, and very often I just call it being oblivious, but in reality I just don't understand the way everything is run and done in the world. It's confusing to me, it's all very illogical, and backwards at crucial areas and times. I can't even keep my thoughts straight to answer a question sometimes because I'm so worried and trying to make sense of how to look forward positively when half the time I don't even know what to expect. I would say, someone mentioned it, I have lost control of my own thoughts is all, and now I'm sort of lost in the emotional humdrum they all provoke constantly as they perform.

In that sense, yeah I'll reevaluate everything. Having, emotional meltdowns is ridiculous, I would edit my OP away but in the art of transparency, I'll never go into politics, and I don't want to hide it. Everything I say is emotionally influenced. I just need to keep myself detached from the thoughts and make way for my own choice of thoughts to have. A quiet world like while meditating is much easier to do that than with my mind's constant ramblings and imaginations...

I have a belief that everything is for the greater good, and that all will be well. I just worry, in such a world as mine. If that ever lasts for a finite being, as the human being I experience through. Or is that fear just a societal worry, that death is the end of the ego's experience as well? Does my ego continue on just as my consciousness does, does the Human's I've been, continue on with me?

My personal take is that any moment of joy, happiness, or love we find in 3D is helping to lessen the suffering in the world. Learning to embrace\radiate higher-dimensional Love -in the way Ra speaks of Wanderers doing- is directly working towards turning Earth into a more loving place. And there's already plenty of love in and of the Earth, it's just easy to overlook given how easy it is to fixate on the negative.

It's only doomed to hellish suffering if we collectively give up on trying to make it better.

Or as Ra said (17.23) "I am Ra. The Earth seems to be negative. That is due to the quiet, shall we say, horror which is the common distortion which those good or positively oriented entities have towards the occurrences which are of your space/time present. However, those oriented and harvestable in the ways of service to others greatly outnumber those whose orientation towards service to self has become that of harvestable quality."

The negatives get all the press, basically.

I guess this is the best time to ask, how does one stop fixating on the bad things? Is it as simple as noticing my thoughts fixating on them, stopping and thinking about something else? Or, is there some kind of trick to always noticing it because I usually catch it once, twice, then it starts slipping by, notice again, but I'm already wondering about things out of my control.

I guess I have issues with just accepting things happen for no particular reason except to see how I handle them. Since I don't understand most things, it's somewhat confusing going about dealing with the complex life, or maybe it's simple for everyone else, I really don't know. I had a hard time trying to just re-enroll into a college, the website was confusing for me, no where did it really say what to do, google wasn't much help so I just went down there myself and looked like an idiot in front of everyone, it was pretty funny but still annoying because I don't remember all of it being so confusing when I first went through it all. So, sometimes it literally feels like I'm just stupid. It's a very, scary world at that moment because I don't remember it ever being so mysterious, I don't remember ever feeling like the Archetypical Fool, in a literal human sense. Not a fan, do not like. So you could say I experience the negative somewhat often at times. It's unpleasant. I'm fervently looking forward to positive now though, I just need to be patient. I am an impatient person, so I really need to learn to be and just keep at it. Most people are actually decent people, they've got problems just like I do, so I don't judge if they show in the small 2 minutes we interact, because I hope if mine ever show the person too will just be kind about it, be like, 'ah life, I know man, kthx gotta go.' and not something embarrassing or insulting like I've had to become used to.
But ironically at the same time, back then dealing with all of those things a few years ago was bearable. A year ago it was fun. Now it's, scary.
So, I think I need to work on courage and wisdom that everything will turn out okay, nothing overtly bad will happen to me like I worry it does since it happens to people all around me all the time. I don't need to think about how to handle those situations?

I'm just not sure how to to go about it or what to do, you could say I could use a bit of guidance. I've been alone for most of my life, even as a kid so I don't really have much parental influence beyond understanding how I'm supposed to be to not go into prison or ruin my life

I just call it being oblivious though. But you've given me something nice to think about, you're not wrong, and I do feel loved sometimes very much, especially when I'm in bed comfy. But beyond that sometimes I just feel confused, I used to know what love felt like for certain! Now, it's been so long since I felt it so certainly and surely, I wonder if I even know how it feels anymore. It's not an emotion in the sense that you don't forget how it feels, you can and do after so long. There's a glow and warmth from the past that remains for me, but beyond that, in the present moment, I don't even know if anyone around me even know's what love is, my best friends have admitted they don't even know it, which shocked me too since I was very loving to them a year ago, which, is my point. It's like a faded memory, that feeling of Love. I understand everyone is sending it to me now, I do feel that, I am very grateful and I wish I knew how to boastfully make that well known. I wish I could conjure up that same feeling, and send it back in return, but it's not just a feeling, or an emotion. But I think that's a lesson I need to learn. What is Love, once more.

I feel it, I just don't know how to return it.

1st of all, congratulations on getting my 2000th post.
i think you should stay - the more the merrier.
i like this place bc it gathers people that get synchronicity. (i'm not a big fan of the Ra material - have read about 20% of it. i don't believe in channeling.)

2nd of all, infinity is a long time.
i think it's not inconceivable that, after countless eons, an awareness would desire a reality that's *seemingly* less than harmonious - "seemingly" bc i think there can only ever be harmony/perfection.

if all is the one infinite (& immeasurably powerful) creator then how can there ever be a victim? the creator can only play the victim - it can never really be one, imo.

i often find myself forgetting that i think this, though, & getting upset about things but it never takes long before i find my inner voice saying something like, 'maybe there can never be a victim, maybe everything that happens was meant to happen - for some reason i can't yet know...' & these thoughts always comfort me & then the next thing i know i'm getting hit with a mind-blowing synchronicity that often seems to happen just to confirm my mindset.

Isis the local goddess! Thank you humbly for your 2000th post -bows-
(is that a good way of expressing love?)

I'm always in synchronicity, even as my thoughts plummet into these gloomy pits I'm seeing synchronicity. It's what further bothers me, if I'm supposed to be here right now, suffering and whining about it publicly... It makes me wonder why I'm doing anything at all. Everyday is just synchronicity left and right and the timing is always the same times like my life is perfectly bracketed into moments of specific awareness trying to wake me up or keep me steady. And since I attribute the synchronicity especially with clock times to my guides directing my attention (And I endlessly see 10:14, 1:44, 1:14, 10:04, 10:44) I'm pretty sure my guides in what I probably can't even properly fathom with my overactive dumb imagination, are constantly helping me out along the way as I explore darkness safely from the inside of my own infinite and terrifying and beautiful mind. Except I don't always feel safe.

I point to the veil for the creation of 'victim'. You are right, but behind the veil, that knowledge is not known even as it is understood intellectually as it would be when felt emotionally. The shedding of the Ego sounds like the death of the self in the sense of forcing yourself to be some way you want to be, that isn't really what you desire to be. The ego has a part of our existence too, why is it not equally considered in these stakes and instead supposed to be shed away like a shell? My ego just wants everyone to know happiness, I can concur with me, my ego isn't a bad guy. My darkness isn't a bad guy, even if he is all the infinite dark horrors I have now imagined, I am, every part of me, is who I am. My anger is something I try to quiet because it is a part of me I accept and listen to when I need to understand there's something wrong with how people can treat others. That it evolved into horrors, I rejected all of that, no one deserves to die. That's why prison exists. With that said, innocent people don't deserve to live side by side with horrors inside those prisons.

Victims exist in 3D, and last I checked I am in 3D. I hope 3D one day can be better, and evolve into a more peaceful place where beauty can be noticed much more often by many more people. I don't think it's, permanently always literally hell.

I usually notice a heavenly side to it at night looking into the sky, or listening to the breeze ruffling trees, when rain falls, and wind blows hard. I love 3D, it just, I wish it could be enjoyed so much more easily, or just be understood more easily so one could enjoy it more easily. This is the efficient way of learning? It's so hard! They call this easier and speedier. Can we sacrifice a bit of efficiency for the sake of beauty and love to those finite beings who have no clue if they continue on at all known as human beings? Why does it take the death of one for some to finally learn to appreciate life? Is a total veiling such an efficient idea at all? Could it not be less brutal with some conscious aid, something personal and direct at moments, anything helpful? Spiritually Synchronicity seems like the equal part to this idea, but does it actually exist for many?

How do you keep your thoughts so straight? Why does the voice in your mind push you forward, and mine pushes me backwards?

What does letting go of the LOO means? That you will not view what you reject in others as part of yourself?

The exact opposite, that all I see including that in others is what could potentially be in me, and I don't want to be a murderer, or a torturer, or evil, or cruel, or anything like that. So since I accept that, I want to with that acceptance instead of just letting it be, reject it and choose how to be instead of just letting those feelings from acceptance drive me to what I could potentially be.

Tired Philosopher, I support you 100%. Hate to lose you--I think you contribute a lot--but you gotta do what's right for you.

I want to impress just one idea on you: the message of Ra and the other Confederation entities that we've heard is just one take. And not only one take; it's necessarily incomplete, to the extent it is expressed in words that have to piece together ideas from symbols and grammar, let alone any distortions that may have been introduced.

There are elements of how you express your take on things that seem incomplete to me. But if I were to share my nitpicks, I'd be sharing a similarly incomplete understanding. None of us have all the pieces except to the extent we're able to connect with information that transcends our present view of things. So don't let one conception of the Law of One be a stumbling block.

Here's another idea: the things you perceive that frighten you may or may not have validity--who knows for sure? But if they are true, then they must be accepted, no? And if they're false, then they have no real danger, no? This is why the role model of Law of One students, in my humble opinion, is not the magician or the hierophant but the fool who knows he doesn't know.

I'd say you're more a Law of One student than ever because you're living the philosophy emotionally, not just mentally. In the same way you didn't understand all of Ra's concepts the first time you read, maybe there's an emotional balance that you can achieve through further exploration of these fearful ideas. But if nothing else, trust your gut and keep living the life of the heart.

Take care brother.

In time I hope so, I'll have to... Thank you.

I'm not going to leave. I was if even one person said I should but no one did. That's how I know you guys care. More so than anywhere else I've been. So, thank you for that peace of mind.

P.S.  You should hear the things and opinions I am feeling towards my higher self at this time.  Why am I going through this?  What is there to learn from it when I just want to cease?  I don't want this.  At all...  Why...Would I desire this, to feel this, these, things?  At all?  Just.  At all...?

I understand. I really do. I've been there.

For what it's worth, blessings to you!

...

I think the Ra Material is better in terms of purity of Love, it just might be dangerous to those immature intellectual types as myself. Thank you though, your thoughts helped me out. I do take them seriously.

Would you ever be willing to share what made you question your higher self?

My experience has been that sometimes the only thing that can "fix" a problem is Time.
The Ra material and the meditation transcripts are incredibly dense sources of cosmological info.
I see Ra as outlining a very rigid, basic, stripped down framework of Creation.
Throw in the transcripts, Bible, NWO, Hidden Hand, Awareness, Wingmakers and a million other things hung on the basic structure and sometimes it seems that having 6 heads wouldn't be enough to take it all in.

There's a kind of Spiritual Frenzy that, I believe, all seekers are afflicted with occasionally.
Consider that you may be in the throws of such a ...fit.
You're averaging about 6 posts a day here Tired.
If there's one area of Knowledge that takes a LOT of time to integrate, it's... umm.... This.

I remember how horrified and upset I was when it started to dawn on me that I was kind of alone.
No Fate. No Destiny.
Just Me having to take responsibility for myself. My own life.

Something that really helped me was knowing that Life is full of hills and valleys.
When you seem to be in a deep valley remember where you were 6 months ago and think where you could be 6 months from now.
All is change.

haha "Seek not the Elves for advice, for they will say both yes and no."

Smile.

Hills and Valleys. I'll keep a keen eye out for that, if its true for my life, then you're right, and in a sense positivity is just a better way of being, enjoy it all while you can. Does it hurt to seek the elves to just be with them and converse idly with them? Their ways of being contain incites much more so than any question could ever hope to exude from them. And by Elves I mean Guides.

Is there any other facial expression one can make to be happy that doesn't involve forcing my face to contort in an awkward direction ??

It really saddens me to hear you are in this state of mind. I wish I knew how to help more directly but I can see many of the concepts that bring me peace you see in a negative light. So I don't think sharing any more concepts that bring me great comfort would really help since the ones I already shared seem to bring greater confusion.

I can only share my experience when I was in a very similar state of mind. I assure you, I was quite mentally/emotionally wounded at one time and had a similar state of mind as you. I can't stress enough that my feelings of despair about the messed up state of the world / universe were a projection of my own messed up mental/emotional state. I thought I desperately wanted to heal a dysfunctional world when I really wanted to desperately heal my dysfunctional psyche. That MUST be your first priority. You can't save the world / the creation if you can't save yourself. I am not saying this to blame you or hurt you or look down on you. I say this because I badly want you to heal yourself.

I know it seems "too simple" or you may simply not want to do it, but I would highly recommend seeing a therapist/psychologist of some kind. They may not have all the answers or be able to fully understand your state of mind or worldview, but I think they could at least get you on the right track. I saw like 4 or 5 over the years and didn't find them to be directly helpful, but they were at least a sort of 'sounding board' (for lack of a better term) that allowed me to slowly but surely heal myself.

The greatest aid to me with those concepts would be the explaining of them in a way that invokes a positive light, so that suffering is known to be not nearly as bad as it could be possibly, that the Creator has limitations in how much it can control it's 'creation', that this is preferred results to something possibly worse? That this suffering to finite beings is also illusion, that the finite is illusion, that everyone I'll be, ever have been, every human or animal, will be and remain with me in some sense. That my existing inside of these beings does not cause their harm, in a way that makes their only 'conscious awareness' as existing entities a miserable one. I want to know that those who live a miserable life, will continue on and be happy, and not just disappear once they die and be only memories of a personality you once were. That their misery wasn't literally in vain to themselves.

I don't think any concepts say such directly, as they are things that I have not heard any answers to. So it's equally unknowable in a sense, and potentially nothing more than my own projections.

But if you want to explain the intellectual way that invokes the emotional felt feelings conveyed of your concepts, that would be immensely helpful for me to understand. To see and understand them in a positive light would be very nice, to be able to see how a human being continues on infinitely with the soul it was attached to in the womb, that souls become finity entities from finity manifestations by becoming one with them, bringing them along with the ride once the finity cycle is up. Or basically incarnation. Except Ra says that the Human Body (Shell of the Soul) would be mindless without a Soul inhabiting it. I've seen what that looks like too (loss of higher functions, only a breathing blankly staring off into space shell), and it further makes me wonder, if it's fair to the shell to make it suffer alongside I.

Or if the shell is actually empty, and I'm just distortion.
Or if the shell is only the Body, and not also the Mind, though then a later Ra quote which mentions the loss of Mind Complex in death would mean the Mind disappears when life ends... And several Past Life Regression sessions mention how souls interact with themselves in the womb, some even say the baby inside the womb struggles against the soul's integrating with the neural networks at first.

So, I wonder, and I worry. So I hope all is well truly for all beings involved at all times...

Dude just stay. I don't care what you believe. You're not your thoughts.

Then what am I?
And can do cap'n!

Love to you TTP.

I understand how you feel and hope you find your joy again soon.  It's there, I am sure of it.

For such a sweet, tender hearted, loving being ......I am sure that your joy will be very infectious for others.

The LOO is just one way of looking at Creation.  There are many different ways, stories and myths so you don't have to stick with this one!  You can write your own story you know  

  And if you let it go, it would be a shame to leave the connections and friendships you have made.

Why don't you keep what makes sense and discard the non-sense?  That is what I did with Christianity, which I love and have had many lives believing.  Now I have fully let go of the dogmas, doctrines and nonsense, and held onto the truth and beauty.  

There is a lot of truth and beauty in the Ra material.  Likely, there is some distortion as well. 

Yes, thank you for your reply as well! It helped me greatly. This is what I seek honestly, because even in an empty world I perceived there was still beauty, and I want to focus on that beauty more than anything else, and that Love as well. Love is the most beautiful thing I've ever known. I miss it so much. I hope to know it once more as I used to.

My friend, I don't know if my words will mean anything but I hope you read them. I hope you stay, and partake of confusion with us since we are also confused. Maybe these words don't mean anything but I love you unconditionally, maybe that isn't the same as 'cosmic' higher love or Love from higher self, but it is real genuine love from me, a being whom is also confused and also infinite.

I hope that you see my love even if you cannot feel it.

To recite the most insightful sentence ever used against me in my admittance to loving another, I reply, "If you love me so much then do what I asked you to do!"
Kidding! Although you should really look into my heart chakra, if you really do love me, you'd be able to do something about it!

Words reach me, I just hope the confusion doesn't destroy me before I destroy it. Or at the very least, I learn that it doesn't need to be destroyed, that I can just...Accept it somehow.

I believe that all is well, and furthermore, believe that you and I are one, and that all beings are my spiritual family forever.

What does family feel like? Thank you for your post, it gave me much to think on.

I desire to be left alone by people, by 'society'.  I have been alone, my entire life.

And I used to love it, until I learned how incompatible I was with society, then I came to hate it because I didn't want to be alone, then being alone for so long against my will...I finally just accepted it.

I suggest you look deeply into those quotations.  Is it true that you've 'finally just accepted it?'  Have you deeply re-programmed your sub-conscious to accept it or has it been more a surface phenomenon?

Death and Resurrection happen daily, even moment to moment to be aware of this opens up the possibilities endlessly.  Would it be possible to shift from The Tired Philo to The Energetic Philo or something much more positive?

The creator and creation can be viewed as negatively or positively as you like and both are equally valid.  It's our choice.  When we look at the creation, are we really seeing the creation or just a reflection of ourself?  Once a shift takes place within, the creation we see takes on a completely different flavor.

Living from the 'ego' or empty shell of personality is hell, unconscious hell.  Living from the inside out, or from Essence or Being transforms unconscious hell to conscious Heaven regardless of how much 'bad' stuff is happening 'out there'.  Space-time is hell, but you don't have to live there completely.  Experiencing time-space while incarnated is Magic.

I'm a deep empty type, uh. I am what I think basically, sometimes in dire times I need to just put the brakes on everything, accept where I am and start a new line of tracks.

I have experienced the Magical Circumstance, I have seen The Moment or the cutting edge of the moment, I've seen Love, and now I don't anymore. I miss it, reality is very sad without it being within awareness. I might have set out to empathize with people on this experience but I never thought it could be such a horrendous experience. It's, so sad how life can be, almost cruel how easily it can be blissful for some and inhospitable to others naturally.

Why is the ego bad? Why must the ego be dropped? Why does the ego make reality hell? What does that mean reality is like to the ego?? Why must that be...accepted and forgiven and forgotten? My ego I love too, as I love everything as sacred, or try to... And my ego, I accepted all the bad things it can potentially be, but I see my ego too wants to be better. Why must I...Deny it then?

If you wish to stay or go its your choice. I do not see the flaws in the Law of One as such, i consider it to be the basis of all spirituality in the truest sense. I don't think its prefect but then again nothing else is in reality as we experience it.

Ironically, I somewhat paradoxically disagree. Everything is perfect, even the stuff I don't comprehend how it is, also are perfect.

That's just the basic intelligent design of all that there is, it's perfect in their own ways. Our Logos adds a unique swirl to our entire premise and suddenly the perfection of reality has uniqueness, perfect perfection, nothing is wrong. I hope that view of mine is proper. I hope because it makes any amount of horror acceptable in some sense. As for forgiveable, that's another story.

umm how we feel about you is nothing compared to how you feel about and judge yourself.

we're simply extensions of you and your perception in your world.

with that said. i accept you, however i don't think the efficacy of saying that can supersede your own views of yourself. do you let others who reject you bring down your own perceptions of yourself?

if so.. then you still have balancing to work on, seriously cause most of the souls here suck. i suck lol and i make a lot of enemies...

but if i dwelled on that aspect of my being, surely i'd feel as you.

i want to find solace in what i have and learn to stop wanting things i do not have.. i'm looking for deeper ways to humble my heart.

Maybe I just need to be more humble too. Thank you.

TTP, Ra once said, "we cannot plumb the depths of the distortion complexes which infect your peoples." (session 3.6).

This underscores very nicely the point anagogy has made about our perspective being like "beer goggles." But it's worse than that. In our particular form of 3D here on earth, we are completely, completely disoriented. I would not be surprised if, compared to the clarity of an unveiled perspective, what we consider to be our "understanding of reality" appeared as nonsensical as the ravings of a paranoid schizophrenic.

This ignorance and confusion is a very bad vantage point for passing judgment, on anything.

I think all of us here have had awakening experiences. Part of that is having our "understandings" turned upside down - when the "knowledge" we took for granted suddenly turned out to be a horribly distorted misrepresentation of reality.

Yet despite that initial awakening and getting a tiny glimpse of the truth, we're still, for all effects and purposes, lost in a fever dream.

The only thing to hold on to in this vertigo is: there is a Creator whose vision is clearer than ours. He loves us and takes care of us. By allowing that love to shine through us, we heal ourselves and find increasing peace, harmony and joy. This we know from direct experience; on the other hand, any inferences about Creation deriving from what we see in 3D through our delusional perspective on Reality is speculation from a very blurry point of view.

Therefore, having confronted many of the same moral qualms which you bring up - and I can certainly relate to everything you have said in your post, TTP -- I have decided that avidya, "monumental ignorance", is not a position from which I can reasonably condemn the Creation or the Creator which I have no hope of understanding at the moment.

Our perspective is like that of a person who fell down a well, hit his head losing his memory, and woke up exclaiming, "What a horrible world this is! It's all small, dark, wet and cold!" The beings who are not in our well - who see farther and more clearly than we do -- assure us that this is all "a perfect part of a perfect plan."

Since I am in a well and I know it, instead of passing judgment on the Creator and reality I'm going to trust their word about what a clearer perspective looks like, and use the ladder (love) to climb out of the well. Then, I will be sane enough to decide how I really feel about it all. Until then, I've got work to do.

Hope to see you topside in the sunshine, TTP.

P.S. Why not try asking your Higher Self how he feels about Creation from his point of view?

If I did how would I know the answer...?
The well is a new perspective, I'd liken my reality to a farm land owner, who can see a decent ways but is surrounded by mountains, so somewhat isolated, who see's bad things happen often when he goes beyond the mountains but is told that everything is okay.

Yes, disoriented, perhaps that is one way to view it. Except I do not from my point of view feel like I am monumentally ignorant as far as I understood from the Ra Material what connections I had made. Instead, it seemed closer to there was nothing to be ignorant of, no point of ignorance being, no monument present to allow one the monumental ignorance. I feel confused and uninformed, but not completely ignorant. There is an intelligently designed creation, somehow someway.

"I would not be surprised if, compared to the clarity of an unveiled perspective, what we consider to be our "understanding of reality" appeared as nonsensical as the ravings of a paranoid schizophrenic."
THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS REALITY ALL THE TIME

A single sentence explaining it perfectly, gaahh!

P.P.S.

A couple of things to watch out for as you navigate your way through the dark spot you find yourself in:

"Emotional reasoning" is the belief that feelings accurately represent reality; if I feel a certain way, it must be true. If I feel that the world is bleak and hopeless, then it must be because the world really is bleak and hopeless.

In actuality, it is helpful to question whether or not they accurately reflect reality; often they do not.

"Confirmation bias" is our unconscious, automatic tendency to seek out evidence that our beliefs are correct, and ignore evidence to the contrary.

Combine emotional reasoning with confirmation bias. The result is that when we feel down, we also believe that our bleak view of reality is correct, and will tend to focus on all the suffering and misery that supports our belief. It's a form of inertia, and unless we're able to interrupt this cycle, will make it difficult to get a clearer perspective on life.

This helped me very much understand many things I was stuck on, thank you!

Even though I didn't read your entire post, I feel as though I am in a similar position and understand where you are coming from.  I have been entirely unable to read or consider spiritual material or concepts as of late.  I even feel repulsed by them at times.  For the most part however, I simply find them exhausting and the comfort and hope they used to provide no longer apply.

Maybe a break from spirituality will prove helpful?

I hope that you are able to find some peace and meaning in your life TTP, really, I do.

Me too, and the same to you.

Thank you everyone. I'll stick around. I feel pretty embarrassed about this thread now...

[zvonimir]

TTP you showed courage instead of fear when you opened this thread ,hang on to that feeling or power insted of fear you so much mentioned in it ,keep on rockin dude .....

[Jade]

You shouldn't be embarrassed, TTP. Thank you for sharing your emotional experience with us. In one of your replies, you asked, how do we focus on the love and not the pain? It's what Ra calls the first balancing exercise. I'm sure you've seen it a hundred times. "The moment contains love." It sounds so easy but really you need to train your mind to focus this way. Many of the tarot cards have the significator facing to the left, indicating how easy it is to "see" the left-hand catalyst instead of the right. You must just turn your focus to love whenever you can.

For instance, where was the love in your emotional breakdown? I see a lot of love in your post, but I don't believe you were feeling any. However, the love was just waiting to be activated by all these beautiful people here at B4 who want the best for you, and to see you pull through. And there it was. And if not for your heartbroken post, there wouldn't be all the love that followed. That's one way to find love in the moment. Or, for another example: when we look at the photos of the Syrian baby who was washed upon the shore - heartwrenching, yes? Sad, and devastating. But the pictures were so shocking that they motivated many other people into service that wouldn't have been motivated if not for the heartwrenching catalyst of the dead baby. The baby's sacrifice may have helped save countless others. That is the love in the moment.

If you can train yourself to see the silver lining on each cloud, it becomes more visible each time. Good luck TTP.

[Stranger]

P.S. Why not try asking your Higher Self how he feels about Creation from his point of view?

If I did how would I know the answer...?

In our world of confusion, communicating with the higher entities is an invaluable tool -- and our Higher Self, having been us at all levels of our progress through Creation, is uniquely qualified to assist us with our specific difficulties. And apparently our communication with our HS is protected - I had not known this until it was mentioned in the other thread, but it makes sense. You posted in another thread asking how to channel, and there were some excellent replies. The access is always available and it's not a magical skill that needs to be learned; it is part of our nature, as natural as breathing.

What gets in the way is our conscious mind, which wants to evaluate and critique and doubt every word that is communicated to us. So the trick is to practice writing down exactly what comes into your mind, and not worrying about whether it makes sense or not. In fact, at times when I do this my mind will scream in incredulity that the next word I'm getting couldn't possibly be right. But when I read it back, it's an incredibly clear and insightful message.

The method I suggest is finding a place free of distractions. Opening up a document on your computer. Asking your higher self to speak to you; a specific question may be helpful. And then writing down every single word that comes to mind, deleting nothing. Don't try to force it or think about anything. Just let words come. meditation helps.

This can take time to perfect, so do not get discouraged. Our minds are very very active, and the voice that comes through is a faint one. That's how 3D works - our spirit-senses are drowned out by the vividness of physical and mental inputs, so much so that we assume it's all there is. But we're never not "spiritual"; it's all there underneath if we practice listening.

regarding contacting your higher self: there are skills which our unconscious possesses which we do not consciously know that we have. So, once again, no magic or twisting your mind into a pretzel is required. Nothing of the sort. Simply assume that your deeper self knows how to do this, and speak to your higher self. just like that, as if you had a magic telephone and you knew your HS was on the other end of the line.

One more tip: especially when speaking with entities other than your HS, there may be interference from STS that is proportionate with the amount of distortion one carries. If you doubt anything you're receiving, ask the source of the message to say "that is the truth." STS types depolarize when they say it, and they will almost always remain silent, whereas if your source is STO it will have to trouble saying these words. A very useful trick taught to me by my guides.

the other, very vital suggestion that has been made before is : meditate. It is spiritual hygiene, the direct equivalent of brushing teeth and showering. It washes away spiritual crud and makes you more open to all sorts of good things.

Good luck, TTP! We're with you.

[Minyatur]

One more tip: especially when speaking with entities other than your HS, there may be interference from STS that is proportionate with the amount of distortion one carries.  If you doubt anything you're receiving, ask the source of the message to say "that is the truth."  STS types depolarize when they say it, and they will almost always remain silent, whereas if your source is STO it will have to trouble saying these words.  A very useful trick taught to me by my guides.

If they're lying about it being the truth, how is it depolarizing?