Hard Honesty

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Why is being honest so hard?

The fear of judgment and ridicule.  Maybe I don't want to feel the misery of nonacceptance.  Yet that is the inevitable reply awaiting endlessly.  To accept it and be detached is still not what is desired.

Instead, to just be heard, without being told how or why, or to instead hear a how or why that isn't tinged in mean or ignorantly cruel bias.

Being honest is hard in this world when you care.  Your own honesty feels like a double sided sword, just waiting to fall back on you.

[bodhidharma]

Why fear judgment and ridicule? Is it possible to openly and warmly thank judgment and ridicule and see what can be learned from said catalyst? I'm thinking along the lines of renaming 'psychic' attack' to 'psychic greeting' to reframe the potentials of such an occurrence.

Who is this 'I' that doesn't want to feel the misery of non-acceptance.

Who is the 'you' doing the caring making being honest in this world so difficult?

I just read the following passage this morning where Carla quotes Hantonn p. 466 from A Wanderer's Handbook maybe this applies?

"It falls in love with itself with all self-perceived imperfections thriving gloriously. It sees the self in all its rambunctious childishness, and nods happily, saying, "Yes, this is humanness, I recognize it and I embrace it."

[upensmoke]

I think the source is fear, and I think its a fear of rejection. Most people don't want to bear their true self in fear of being rejection or not accepted, so they choose what they think is accepting to the other individual, not knowing the ignorance in the action.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Honestly that's not the subject I was aiming towards.

I don't care how others percieve me, until their perception dictates my present level of comfort. And while I'm comfortable ignoring my desire for comfort to be honest, there are some things you just can't be honest about to others les you're comfortable with major life changes.

[upensmoke]

Honestly that's not the subject I was aiming towards.

I don't care how others percieve me, until their perception dictates my present level of comfort.  And while I'm comfortable ignoring my desire for comfort to be honest, there are some things you just can't be honest about to others les you're comfortable with major life changes.

sorry to misunderstand I never been in a situation where honesty would cause major life changes, but that depends on what one entity would consider major. If you don't mind me asking, could you expand more so on what you mean and is this a hypothetical question, or a personal? because i thought it was a hypothetical question at first not a personal one

I also want to add that in such a situation one should still be honest, because you can't escape change no matter what. thats just my belief

[Jade]

I think faith means embracing change, and embracing honesty, and understanding that what you're doing in the moment is the right path, even if you don't embrace change/honesty. But if you want things to go smoothly, acceptance fixes most wrinkles.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Honestly that's not the subject I was aiming towards.

I don't care how others percieve me, until their perception dictates my present level of comfort.  And while I'm comfortable ignoring my desire for comfort to be honest, there are some things you just can't be honest about to others les you're comfortable with major life changes.

sorry to misunderstand I never been in a situation where honesty would cause major life changes, but that depends on what one entity would consider major. If you don't mind me asking, could you expand more so on what you mean and is this a hypothetical question, or a personal? because i thought it was a hypothetical question at first not a personal one

I also want to add that in such a situation one should still be honest, because you can't escape change no matter what. thats just my belief

It's both, on one end there's some secrets of my own that are personal that I have not been able to tell a single person.  On the other end, I see the same thing in most people.  Something inside of them burning to be accepted by more than just them.

I have embraced honesty, that does not mean I have not also recognized that 'absolute' honesty can get you a very short distance before it messes with someone enough to have them attack you for it.  For whatever reason, maybe someone doesn't want to know the banana you're selling them is a GMO mutant that has been sitting in the back for two weeks somehow not ripening then suddenly becoming yellow and good to sell.  Others don't want to know the more private secrets of others (unless they do but only out of curiosity and not genuine care).

It's kind of like a game of cat and mouse meets a horrible math sentence:  'Where(x) is how-much(y) truth acceptable when(z)?  Find x, y, and z.'

And if someone important doesn't accept such honesty, you're sort of hosed.  It's like Dexter, seasons 7 where his sister finds out his secret.  Unless that person SRSLY loves you, it's probably not going to end well.

So why is that?  Why is honesty so hard for people to accept and perform?  Why is honesty hard?  Guilt, shame, fear, are all decent motivators, but what about when you don't care about those things towards how a particular person might perceive your honesty?  Why hold back then?

Sometimes you need to look beyond yourself as being part of all others and look at reality.  If you tell this person this, that might happen, or that might happen.  Each 'that' is a polar opposite, one is acceptance, the other is nonacceptance.

How does one be honest with someone they know is nonaccepting?  Why not just neither be honest nor lie, and leave it in silence?  On one end, or perhaps, just give up because the end result is not desired, on the other end?

How do you tell a lgbt individual with heavy christian-faith parents to be honest and accept the changes that come with it when it implies potentially being disowned and homeless before you're even 16?  (as one of the more vehemently present examples in society.  Sadly.)

[Diana]

Because most people don't even know what they think or feel. It is very difficult to achieve clarity. There is a lot of confusion. The confusion is because most people have no idea even who they even are, apart from media influence, familial survival roles put into place in childhood, fears about survival now, instincts such as nesting, and so on. 

Think what happens when a person close to you dies. All of a sudden, you might realize that you have this great unconditional love for them underneath all the complaints. That is not to say the complaints were invalid. 

In the Casteneda books, Don Juan says to use death as an advisor. I think this is good advice; it cuts away a lot of unnecessary garbage.

[upensmoke]

Honestly that's not the subject I was aiming towards.

I don't care how others percieve me, until their perception dictates my present level of comfort.  And while I'm comfortable ignoring my desire for comfort to be honest, there are some things you just can't be honest about to others les you're comfortable with major life changes.

sorry to misunderstand I never been in a situation where honesty would cause major life changes, but that depends on what one entity would consider major. If you don't mind me asking, could you expand more so on what you mean and is this a hypothetical question, or a personal? because i thought it was a hypothetical question at first not a personal one

I also want to add that in such a situation one should still be honest, because you can't escape change no matter what. thats just my belief

It's both, on one end there's some secrets of my own that are personal that I have not been able to tell a single person.  On the other end, I see the same thing in most people.  Something inside of them burning to be accepted by more than just them.

I have embraced honesty, that does not mean I have not also recognized that 'absolute' honesty can get you a very short distance before it messes with someone enough to have them attack you for it.  For whatever reason, maybe someone doesn't want to know the banana you're selling them is a GMO mutant that has been sitting in the back for two weeks somehow not ripening then suddenly becoming yellow and good to sell.  Others don't want to know the more private secrets of others (unless they do but only out of curiosity and not genuine care).

It's kind of like a game of cat and mouse meets a horrible math sentence:  'Where(x) is how-much(y) truth acceptable when(z)?  Find x, y, and z.'

And if someone important doesn't accept such honesty, you're sort of hosed.  It's like Dexter, seasons 7 where his sister finds out his secret.  Unless that person SRSLY loves you, it's probably not going to end well.

So why is that?  Why is honesty so hard for people to accept and perform?  Why is honesty hard?  Guilt, shame, fear, are all decent motivators, but what about when you don't care about those things towards how a particular person might perceive your honesty?  Why hold back then?

Sometimes you need to look beyond yourself as being part of all others and look at reality.  If you tell this person this, that might happen, or that might happen.  Each 'that' is a polar opposite, one is acceptance, the other is nonacceptance.

How does one be honest with someone they know is nonaccepting?  Why not just neither be honest nor lie, and leave it in silence?  On one end, or perhaps, just give up because the end result is not desired, on the other end?

How do you tell a lgbt individual with heavy christian-faith parents to be honest and accept the changes that come with it when it implies potentially being disowned and homeless before you're even 16?  (as one of the more vehemently present examples in society.  Sadly.)

I understand what your saying more so and its tough. I sometimes forget that not everyone has a confident in which they can share everything too. When me and my girlfriend were in this phase of sharing all of our deepest darkest secrets, it was extremely refreshing to tell another individual such things and still have them accept you. it gave me a sense of security, like no matter what all will be alright.

as for being honest with someone that is non accepting, I believe honesty is still the right idea. If the other person is non accepting of an entity that only thing the entity could do is accept the non acceptance or they can try to change the persons mind as well. as for someone who isn't even 16 and faces being homeless, in such a situation i would tell such an individual to endure, and plan and to withhold that information till he/she is ready to release it. 

[AnthroHeart]

I don't want to gross people out, so I'm not truly honest.
Someone I know knows maybe 1% of me, and they were disgusted.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

I told my ex maybe 30% of my dark side, back when I knew only so much of it.

She threw that little bit back in my face with some of the 'kindest' words anyone has ever said to me.

Really leaves a lasting impression, regarding being honest to others in the future...  The f***** up thing was she told me things about herself far worse than anything I told her and I to this day don't judge her for those things...

That's all I ever wanted in return, I figured it's best to continue on than to give up in spite.  Hopefully one day that kindness on my part will come back to me through another.

If any other ever gets the chance.

[Diana]

I told my ex maybe 30% of my dark side, back when I knew only so much of it.

She threw that little bit back in my face with some of the 'kindest' words anyone has ever said to me.

Really leaves a lasting impression, regarding being honest to others in the future...  The f***** up thing was she told me things about herself far worse than anything I told her and I to this day don't judge her for those things...

That's all I ever wanted in return, I figured it's best to continue on than to give up in spite.  Hopefully one day that kindness on my part will come back to me through another.

If any other ever gets the chance.

If you and your ex could cut across all expectations, and accept each other unconditionally, the outcome of the relationship would not matter in the least. All that would matter is the love. You would want her happiness and she would want yours, and that feeling would trump any nesting instinct, any attachment, any desire to possess. There may be a feeling of loss, which can be seen as a privilege (because it derives from honesty), and it should be properly accepted and grieved if needed. And together in the depths of love, caring, loss, and grief, are found the richness of life.

The most difficult part of this is that you may stand alone in your feelings, without reciprocation. But our consciousness cannot depend upon others.'

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

It is already done.  Without reciprocation, I think she'd enjoy me dead. . . But I'm not sure since I haven't talked to her in 9 or 10 months.

BUT, I agree, the result of forgiving and accepting did bring a manner of richness to me.  To add to the innate understanding that all things are sacred, it helps me realize that to be honest is enough sometimes.  She was the best person to ever enter my life.  I do miss her.  But things are as they are and she is gone for ever.  Thus so be it.  Doesn't mean I can't hope for her well being.  Doesn't mean a part of me won't love her forever.

Just means I don't want to suffer forever resisting what is.  Sadly the last I heard, she basically would miss me if she didn't hate me.  Weird how life works, maybe I can make it up to her in the afterlife one way or another, I do feel like I would like an actual long life with her, and not just a short time together.

But I have another girlfriend now, and I laid to rest all of those feelings, or am trying to.  Some things you just miss forever it seems.  (like my first ex, and the current one being spoken of--my first real girlfriend hah, and Spyro the Dragon 1 on PS1...  And Halo 2...  And that feeling of completion when you finish a really really once in a life-time good book.  And being a kid.  and other stuff.)

[Diana]

    to you TTP

[rva_jeremy]

I think another issue here is that being honest exposes those parts of you that you don't want to face. If you're honest, you'll get angry and say things you don't want to have said. If you're even MORE honest, you'll admit your hurt and feel vulnerable.

A lot of honesty exposes the facade of control we exercise over our social selves to create the particular faces others see. Honesty cuts through those constructs; it "lays the cards on the table" so to speak and this is undoubtedly a bold move, all the more bolder since we erect social selves precisely to avoid this transparency.

I think a lot of the advice here that exercises intellectual empathy (of course we "shouldn't" fear judgment and ridicule) ignores the essential human-ness of this experience (such as that expressed in the Hatonn quote above). It's easy to forget that we deal with the issues we deal with precisely because they are difficult for us, and that it's natural for others to look on in some bewilderment at one's struggle. That doesn't make it less of a genuine issue; it makes it all the more the very issue that the hyper-subjective experience is designed to tease out.

Really enjoyed everybody's input!

[Cyclops]

The entity which is given constant and unremitting approval by those surrounding it suffers from the loss of the mirroring effect of those which reflect truthfully rather than unquestioningly. This is not a suggestion to reinstate judgment but merely a suggestion for all those supporting instruments; that is, support, be harmonious, share in love, joy, and thanksgiving, but find love within truth, for each instrument benefits from this support more than from the total admiration which overcomes discrimination.

[Matt1]

Be honest and be bold.

Let the light of truth shine through!

The dawning of the eternal day is upon you and all.

The 5th gate in a sea of blue

Speak your way and the way will flow with you and with all.

Fear not those who cannot hear for your truth will reach their potential.

[Monica]

Blue-ray blockages make it difficult to communicate honestly, or to receive honest communication. What one says, even when they're speaking from the heart with open green and blue rays, isn't necessarily received in the spirit it was intended, because the recipient filters the words through their own blue ray, which is probably blocked to some degree.

...

[Monica]

Be honest and be bold.

Let the light of truth shine through!

The dawning of the eternal day is upon you and all.

The 5th gate in a sea of blue

Speak your way and the way will flow with you and with all.

Fear not those who cannot hear for your truth will reach their potential.

:exclamation:  :exclamation:  :exclamation:

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Aa far as I understood it, being honest in such ways through blue ray is not a blockable area.  Lying creates the blocks That can exist, but otherwise that ray is automatically working when green ray and all the below are.  I would even say silence or deflection aren't blockage creators for blue ray either unless doing so to avoid being honest where you should be.

I also do not believe words fall upon one ray.  Just like how a red ray interacts randomly with all things the mbs complex experiences, every other ray feels effects from catalyst (which is EVERYTHING).

A blue ray isn't typically blocked in ways to cause such serious misunderstanding.  Its usually the Green ray, with a mix of Orange and Indigo blockages and maybe Yellow ray blockages. A person can be honest and still doubt themselves and others and their own power of choice.

The chakra system isn't a one center operating system, its closer to a 7-way interaction system, and because no one chakra will likely be 'completely' or perfectly balanced tells me some blockages even in blue ray can be present, and 'Honesty' still had and misunderstanding still made between two fairly balanced adepts or people.