01-26-2010, 03:49 AM
I've been frequenting the forums since I read the LOO books early last year, but I have never actually said hello. It has taken a catalyst in my work life to bring me here, but all the better. So hello everyone! I feel grateful for having found this forum, and I too greet everyone in love and light.
I am 26 years old, but I feel like I've been living much longer than that. The idea of being a wanderer resonated with me because I've felt very different from everyone around me and everyone that I've met since I was a child. I've always been highly sensitive (HSP), which has definitely led me to this path I'm on now.
I had an interesting childhood. Although my family was well-to-do and we were well-off in a material sense, my father had many demons. He was an authoritarian parent--physically and emotionally abusive toward my brothers and I since we were very small. I remember the first "awakened" feeling I had when I was around 10 years old. I looked at my father and for a few moments, I didn't recognize him as my father anymore. I suddenly felt a deep sense of compassion for him as a human being. I was accustomed to bottling up anger and having a constant feeling of fear around him. So it seems like this small experience was the first time that I was able to step outside of my ego/illusion. Not too long after this, I realized that what my father was doing was wrong and that he could get in trouble for it. In a moment of courage, I stated this fact to him and he realized what I knew. While the physical violence died away, the emotional abuse continued (less frequently) for years. My mother was submissive and never stopped my father from doing this. She loved us very much, but I also know that her mother was abusive to her as a child. When I was a child, I blamed her, but since coming to this newer phase in my life, all of that has fallen away.
Even though there were negative aspects of my father, I did inherit from him a love literature and writing in addition to science fiction and a fascination for aliens/intelligent life/UFOs. My father believed that he was abducted by aliens when he was in his 20s. We never doubted his claims, and I do still believe in his experiences.
I fell into a deep depression and sense of alienation during my teen years and went through long periods of isolation. I spent a lot of time on the internet seeking friendships with people outside of the small town that I lived in. I searched for like-minded people my age and found some on a the forum of my favorite band. This was my one solace and I began to develop a closer relationship with a boy online that would go on for years before we finally met.
I entered college in my hometown unwillingly (I was completely undecided), but enjoyed my first year. Before I graduated high school, I had a vision of what I wanted to be. I simply imagined myself trekking the globe, meeting and helping different people. I didn't know exactly what it meant, but it seemed to be my one ideal life.
After my first year of college, I decided that I needed to get away from home. I applied to a school 4 hours away from home. I felt excited to be independent, but dorm life proved to be too jarring and intense for my senses. So I moved into an apartment with my parents' help. This turned out to be a great catalyst. I suffered from bouts of extreme anxiety and depression. Living alone magnified the intense mental states that I was going through. I turned more to my online friend and I began talking to him on the phone. After about 4 months, we finally met when I bought a plane ticket to fly from the Midwest to the West Coast. In turn, my entire life was whirled into a gigantic tornado.
My parents, being Muslim, were afraid, angry, scolding and saying everything they could possibly say to get me to come home when I went away. Finally, they flew across the country to get me. I came home, upset and in a state of confusion. All of this occurred over a period of about two weeks. I was prescribed an anti-depressant (which I later stopped taking), found a new apartment, and started school again. While I was away, my boyfriend decided that he could not live on the West Coast without me. He left and came to live with me without my parents' knowledge. After a few months, I confronted them with the truth. Instead of forcing him to leave (as they would have it), we both found jobs and I continued school. Despite my parents' concerns, I continued to excel academically, even while going through immense emotional turmoil with my family adjusting to the idea of me living with my boyfriend.
Our first two years together were very hard, but this catalyst helped us come to a higher state together. We began learning about meditation and practicing regularly. My interest began when I was a teenager and had learned about Buddhism through internet research; this was my first time attempting meditation seriously. My boyfriend's brother soon lent him meditation CDs. He took to listening to these and preferred it to meditation. I listened a few times, but preferred meditating without them. Little did he know, this would aid him in having his own awakening experience. While I was fascinated by what happened, I quietly felt somewhat envious and did not understand what he had been through. Disappointed, I stopped meditating regularly for a year. It wasn't until after I graduated that I would find meditation again.
After I graduated, I began working at a Montessori preschool. I loved working with children and I felt happiest teaching them about gardening and caring for plants and creatures. During this period, I began meditating regularly and having vivid and lucid dreams. After several months of meditating regularly, I had a vivid dream about UFOs. I was laying on the ground at my college campus with a large group of people, including a coworker (who's a special friend to me), staring at the sky while the stars began to come out. We saw lights, and my friend sat up and showed me a large scroll that he made (he's an artist). Suddenly we were transported to a small, rustic room and it was daylight. He showed me a diagram of the Earth on the page with small yellow triangles gathering around it on one side. I asked why they were there. And he said something like,"They'll continue to come until human growth butchering stops." I know it's really odd phrasing, but that's all that I can remember! I awakened then and the crown of my head was very sore and my ears were ringing loudly. I felt that this was a message, and so I began intensely researching UFOs and intelligent life again. I read about Iargans, Pleiadians, Star Seeds, and anything that I hadn't encountered in the past that would resonate. Then I was watching an alien/UFO video online and it was ONE person's comment about the video which briefly mentioned LOO that caught my attention.
And so I'm here at this forum. I've since moved to the West Coast and I continue to meditate regularly and do yoga. My sense of place and purpose in the world is entirely different than it has ever been. It remains positive even though I don't feel that I have a set path yet. Understanding my past as well as my present experiences as catalysts has helped me immensely. I have felt much joy in these last couple of years of my life. I understand that I'm here to share myself in many ways and hope to learn more with time.
Thanks for your patience!
origin
I am 26 years old, but I feel like I've been living much longer than that. The idea of being a wanderer resonated with me because I've felt very different from everyone around me and everyone that I've met since I was a child. I've always been highly sensitive (HSP), which has definitely led me to this path I'm on now.
I had an interesting childhood. Although my family was well-to-do and we were well-off in a material sense, my father had many demons. He was an authoritarian parent--physically and emotionally abusive toward my brothers and I since we were very small. I remember the first "awakened" feeling I had when I was around 10 years old. I looked at my father and for a few moments, I didn't recognize him as my father anymore. I suddenly felt a deep sense of compassion for him as a human being. I was accustomed to bottling up anger and having a constant feeling of fear around him. So it seems like this small experience was the first time that I was able to step outside of my ego/illusion. Not too long after this, I realized that what my father was doing was wrong and that he could get in trouble for it. In a moment of courage, I stated this fact to him and he realized what I knew. While the physical violence died away, the emotional abuse continued (less frequently) for years. My mother was submissive and never stopped my father from doing this. She loved us very much, but I also know that her mother was abusive to her as a child. When I was a child, I blamed her, but since coming to this newer phase in my life, all of that has fallen away.
Even though there were negative aspects of my father, I did inherit from him a love literature and writing in addition to science fiction and a fascination for aliens/intelligent life/UFOs. My father believed that he was abducted by aliens when he was in his 20s. We never doubted his claims, and I do still believe in his experiences.
I fell into a deep depression and sense of alienation during my teen years and went through long periods of isolation. I spent a lot of time on the internet seeking friendships with people outside of the small town that I lived in. I searched for like-minded people my age and found some on a the forum of my favorite band. This was my one solace and I began to develop a closer relationship with a boy online that would go on for years before we finally met.
I entered college in my hometown unwillingly (I was completely undecided), but enjoyed my first year. Before I graduated high school, I had a vision of what I wanted to be. I simply imagined myself trekking the globe, meeting and helping different people. I didn't know exactly what it meant, but it seemed to be my one ideal life.
After my first year of college, I decided that I needed to get away from home. I applied to a school 4 hours away from home. I felt excited to be independent, but dorm life proved to be too jarring and intense for my senses. So I moved into an apartment with my parents' help. This turned out to be a great catalyst. I suffered from bouts of extreme anxiety and depression. Living alone magnified the intense mental states that I was going through. I turned more to my online friend and I began talking to him on the phone. After about 4 months, we finally met when I bought a plane ticket to fly from the Midwest to the West Coast. In turn, my entire life was whirled into a gigantic tornado.
My parents, being Muslim, were afraid, angry, scolding and saying everything they could possibly say to get me to come home when I went away. Finally, they flew across the country to get me. I came home, upset and in a state of confusion. All of this occurred over a period of about two weeks. I was prescribed an anti-depressant (which I later stopped taking), found a new apartment, and started school again. While I was away, my boyfriend decided that he could not live on the West Coast without me. He left and came to live with me without my parents' knowledge. After a few months, I confronted them with the truth. Instead of forcing him to leave (as they would have it), we both found jobs and I continued school. Despite my parents' concerns, I continued to excel academically, even while going through immense emotional turmoil with my family adjusting to the idea of me living with my boyfriend.
Our first two years together were very hard, but this catalyst helped us come to a higher state together. We began learning about meditation and practicing regularly. My interest began when I was a teenager and had learned about Buddhism through internet research; this was my first time attempting meditation seriously. My boyfriend's brother soon lent him meditation CDs. He took to listening to these and preferred it to meditation. I listened a few times, but preferred meditating without them. Little did he know, this would aid him in having his own awakening experience. While I was fascinated by what happened, I quietly felt somewhat envious and did not understand what he had been through. Disappointed, I stopped meditating regularly for a year. It wasn't until after I graduated that I would find meditation again.
After I graduated, I began working at a Montessori preschool. I loved working with children and I felt happiest teaching them about gardening and caring for plants and creatures. During this period, I began meditating regularly and having vivid and lucid dreams. After several months of meditating regularly, I had a vivid dream about UFOs. I was laying on the ground at my college campus with a large group of people, including a coworker (who's a special friend to me), staring at the sky while the stars began to come out. We saw lights, and my friend sat up and showed me a large scroll that he made (he's an artist). Suddenly we were transported to a small, rustic room and it was daylight. He showed me a diagram of the Earth on the page with small yellow triangles gathering around it on one side. I asked why they were there. And he said something like,"They'll continue to come until human growth butchering stops." I know it's really odd phrasing, but that's all that I can remember! I awakened then and the crown of my head was very sore and my ears were ringing loudly. I felt that this was a message, and so I began intensely researching UFOs and intelligent life again. I read about Iargans, Pleiadians, Star Seeds, and anything that I hadn't encountered in the past that would resonate. Then I was watching an alien/UFO video online and it was ONE person's comment about the video which briefly mentioned LOO that caught my attention.
And so I'm here at this forum. I've since moved to the West Coast and I continue to meditate regularly and do yoga. My sense of place and purpose in the world is entirely different than it has ever been. It remains positive even though I don't feel that I have a set path yet. Understanding my past as well as my present experiences as catalysts has helped me immensely. I have felt much joy in these last couple of years of my life. I understand that I'm here to share myself in many ways and hope to learn more with time.
Thanks for your patience!
origin
