What is my purpose?

[nina1021]

My name is Nina and I've been reading a lot of threads on this website. I've finally decided to share my story because I feel I am in need of some assistance to further understand my purpose here on earth. I have read the Ra materials and it has been very inspiring.

For as far back as I can remember I have taken care of everyone. Even when I was an infant I was taken to the doctors because I never cried. My parents thought of my as a very strange child because I never asked for anything. By the time I was 5 I felt a sense of duty to those around me. When they cried I cried when they were upset I was upset. I could never separate who I am from other people. As I grew older it became harder to deal with because I started to develop a lot of indecisive tendencies. If you asked me what my favorite food was I'd say everything. If you asked me what I like to watch I'd say anything. No one really understood that I was everything because I am apart of everything. I also started to develop certain fears because of how sensitive I am to the world. My parents looked upon my sensitivity as a weakness which resulted in a lot of punishments. I have a younger sister who was really feisty. If she hit me I would just cry. I'm not a violent person. I hate negativity and I'm often angry at myself for being angry.

My duty of serving others knew no bounds. I was the parent in my family. I took care of everyone and everything because that is what I love to do. It became hard for me to tell if I was. Ring taken advantage of because I never meant any harm to anyone.

During college I had several nervous breakdowns and I'm often filled with anxiety. I would see things. Sometimes I couldn't tell the different between a human being and someone who was not of this earth. I would wake up with scratcheds all over my body. I've had a lot of outer body experiences, my dreams became scary because some nights I would have Positive encounters with entities and other nights I was petrified of the things I felt. I have negativity within me from all of my hurt that I have experienced but I love all regardless. When I tried seeking help they labeled me crazy. (you can't really tell a psychiatrist you have the ability to see things otherwise you're given medication and labeled crazy).

I am no 24 working at a temp job, can't afford to pursue my masters or do anything that makes me happy except reading, I love to read and I crave knowledge and growth. The problem I'm having is that I doubt my purpose here. Am I supposed to be everyone's doormat while they have no regard for my feelings or care how I'm doing. I guess my question is how do I maintain a balance of harmony when my current living situation is so destructive.

I've been told by many spiritual people that I have an important job to do on earth. Even in meditation I feel it. I feel the reassurance that I am a good person but sometimes I am so hurt by everything. I go through bouts of frustration and anxiety. I don't belong here. I feel how different I am from others yet I'm just like them. At 24 I feel so old it's hard to explain its a mixture of joy and sorrow. It also doesn't help that I am very hard on myself and expect a lot from myself because people are constantly looking to me for wisdom and guidance. I don't know how to love myself without feeling so selfish for doing so. If I tell someone no and decide to do something for myself I feel guilt. I always put others first but the minute I think of myself I'm overwhelmed with guilt and remorse. I would also like to know how to meditate. Clearing my mind sometimes is hard to do because I am consumed with so much energy. It takes awhile for me to stop my eyes from vibrating and often times when I close my eyes I'm overwhelmed by negative faces and thoughts. Not all the time since I'm learning how to welcome negativity with love. I'm just confused and lost and I feel I'm too young of a person to feel such heart ache for people. How am I supposed to help? What am I supposed to do? How do I stand up for myself without hurting others.

I apologize for all the questions. I'm happy to have come across this website that is filled with loving people.

Thank you for your time.

[Patrick]

Welcome my friend!

...How am I supposed to help? What am I supposed to do?...

All you have to do to help this planet is be here. There is nothing to do other than to shine your glorious metaphysical light while you are here.

But in order to do this, you had to incarnate here. You know that you are not of this insanity, like Ra said. Don't worry yourself about what you are supposed to do for others, for you are already doing it well.

That said, IMHO you are also here to help your Self. You cannot help others without helping your Self at the very same time. Hence the words: teach/learn, learn/teach, honor/duty, duty/honor.

...how do I maintain a balance of harmony when my current living situation is so destructive...How do I stand up for myself without hurting others...

It is my belief that you may be learning to balance compassion with wisdom. Wisdom is not knowledge and can only come from experience. So while you help others here with your simple presence, you help your Self at the same time with the experience you gather.

You are experiencing what an abundance of compassion results in within a very veiled environment which happens to be somewhat lacking in compassion. This experience naturally teaches you the importance of compassionate wisdom as opposed to compassion alone.

Compassionate wisdom means that you show as much compassion for your self as you do for other selves.

Standing up for yourself does not hurt others. You are not rejecting them, you simply choose not to align with all they would like you to. You show compassion for yourself in making your own choices and aligning with what you resonate with. For this, it is important to realize that what is true for them may not be true for you and vice-versa.

Much love to you !

[nina1021]

Thank you for your kind words I will continue to learn from my experiences. What you say makes perfect sense to me. My lack of wisdom is what I must learn to over come. Thank you so much your kind words have lifted some of the burdens I've had. Thank you again!!!

[Spaced]

Welcome to the forum Nina! I think you will find that there are many here, myself included who empathize with what you say. I have struggled with, and continue to struggle with, many of the issues you describe. I think it's important to remember that for many wanderers the important mission they have come to Earth to preform is simply to exist here and let their vibrations radiate and mingle with those of the social network in which they find themselves. Simply by being here you are raising the vibrational level of the Earth and the society of this sphere.

To simply radiate love and acceptance is a noble and vital role at his point in time. The best way to do this is through interactions with other-selves, where we can serve as a mirror through which our other-selves might catch a glimpse of their true nature as co-creators. To achieve this end it is necessary for one to work on themselves. Don't think of this as a self-centered practice but as routine maintenance, polishing your mirror so that it reflects the light of the creator more clearly, allowing you to offer a more useful service to those around you.

Meditation is an excellent way of preforming this maintenance. If you have trouble stopping your thoughts from racing just let them race and focus instead on your breathing. I like to take deep breaths through the nose until my lungs are totally full, hold it for a while and then exhale through the mouth until they are completely empty. While doing so I imagine that the air I am inhaling is radiant, imbued with the light of the One Infinite Creator, and that the air I exhale contains all the biases and negativity that I have picked up on my daily routine. After a few big lungfuls I find that my body is filled with radiant light and that my mind is clear. In this state I try to feel the flow of energy in my body and feel for where it seems blocked. While meditating I like to say prayers for the Earth and send Her all my love, visualized as pure white light.

Anyhow, I hope this helps and welcome once again to the forums

[AnthroHeart]

Bashar, one of my favorite channels says this time is when Earth turns from slightly overwhelmingly negative into a slightly overwhelmingly positive planet. It tips the scales. It's an exciting time to be alive. I can resonate with you having several nervous breakdowns, except mine were mental breakdowns. I even had full on hallucinations. Those were testing time for me, but I've grown stronger because of it.

If Patrick is right about you balancing compassion with wisdom, that says a lot about how much love/light you can shine to others.

[nina1021]

I am overwhelmed by everyone's thoughtful gestures. It warms me greatly to know that I am not alone and that I am loved. May I ask if anyone has any suggestions as to proper relaxation techniques. Would it benefit me to light a white candle while I meditate or listen to music?


Thank you and may the light and love you carry be a constant reminder that we are all one.

[Patrick]

...Many times, it seems to each, that there is no way that one person can be of service, that one person’s light can make a difference. However, this instrument is fond of saying that in a dark place the light of one candle can be seen for quite a distance. Metaphysically, this is far more true even than the physical truth of candles and sight. Each of you makes a significant difference to the lightening of the planet as well as to the lightening of your soul. For when each of you does one, each of you is doing the other. To work on the self is to work on the world. Indeed, to work on the self is the most direct and effective way to work on the outer world in a metaphysical sense...

May I ask if anyone has any suggestions as to proper relaxation techniques.

I just relax 5 minutes before sleep while not focusing my thoughts.

Would it benefit me to light a white candle while I meditate or listen to music?

Whatever you feel attracted to is going to help you.

[AnthroHeart]

For me, relaxation is feeling Creator's love in my heart chakra. I usually ask a higher being, such as my higher self, or any one of the Confederation who best works for me, to help me open my heart. Then, it feels like a laser beam coming from me.

When I work on my heart, my 3rd eye also activates and they stay in balance.

Patrick's advice is full of wisdom, as are the quotes he posted. I like the "as well as to the lightening of your soul."

Remember, there's so much we can do to evolve our soul here on Earth that is much more difficult to do in higher densities. After we die, things will be so harmonious that growth will be much slower.

[Spaced]

Would it benefit me to light a white candle while I meditate or listen to music?

I find music does wonders. Here's a piece of graffiti I saw a few years back that has always spoken to me

[nina1021]

Wow this is all very insightful I can not thank all of you enough. A man once told me I had to work on my heart chakra because I was experiencing some blockage. I feel like that is no longer the case but how would one go about opening up ones heart? My fears have been a hindrance to me but I am learning to accept all with love and light. I hear my inner self now more than ever. Sometimes it's a little spooking because it can be so loud and prominent I have to look around to see if someone is in the room with me haha. You have all contributed to my progress and growth. I am forever greatful.

[Lycen]

Welcome to B4 Nina! ,D

I suggest reading the stories others have posted here. There are many who arrived here with "need", including me.


To be love and be loved

Thank you and may the light and love you carry be a constant reminder that we are all one.

Oh that's so warming, thank you for being here .)

[nina1021]

Thank you for the inspiring picture space! I can see why this art work speaks to you! I love art!

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I will continue to read the stories this forum has to offer. Thank you Lycen! And I love your inspiring photo as well.

[Patrick]

...There are many who arrived here with "need", including me.

To be love and be loved
...

...it is very helpful to have a high place within the self, a holy place within the heart, to which you may retreat and fall into the arms of the one infinite Creator who loves you dearly. When you are lost, when you are suffering, when you are alone, remember and move into the heart, into the sanctuary and peace of the one Creator’s love and dwell there as long as you need to, in order to feel that balm of Gilead which is that energy of being loved, being valued, and being understood. These things the Creator does. In fact, the Creator greatly values each and every thought that you have, for it is this way that the Creator learns about Itself.

We encourage as much silence in the day as you may find, whether it may be a walk with the dog, a form of meditation, the time spent working in the garden, or simply time spent without the television or radio or other sounds of the creation of man in the ear. The key of silence is a powerful one...

[Patrick]

Here is a nice quote on Teach/Learning and Learn/Teaching.

...If the instrument still has energy, I have another one. Q’uo, in the Law of One series Ra says that “… our very being is hopefully a poignant example of both the necessity and the near-hopelessness of attempting to teach.” I was wondering if you could expound upon that any further?

We are aware of your query, my brother. As that known to you as Q’uo, we encompass a great deal of teaching. The energies of the ones known as Hatonn have long taught; the energies of the ones known as Latwii and those known as Ra, have long taught. And indeed those of Hatonn and those of Latwii accept as their teacher those of Ra. Consequently, we have bonds of teaching and of learning even within our principle. And our entire beau geste as a principle is to teach and yet, if we were to use this instrument’s slang, we would say, “LOL.” It is to laugh, it is to chuckle, for how can we teach? What do we know? We know only opinion. We can only toss our words into the wind and hope that some helpful aspect transfers from creation to creation, for we speak across worlds.

We gaze at each of you in your creation. You are masters. Few of you know it. We hope to encourage you to be aware of your nature, yet we have only a simple story to tell. We have only one basic thought to share. You are one, we are all one and that one thing is love. We attempt to be creative, we use channels such as this one so that we may flash all of the colors of that channel’s personality and weave such tales as that person’s energy and personality shell have to give. Yet our story is the same, and it is inadequate to fuel the realization and the transformation of a single entity.

Yet we shine out our light and we ask you to shine your light, to tell your shining truth when you feel it within. And when your shining truth is that you know nothing, let that shine, let that be a good thing to shine. For it is in our way of perceiving, an excellent thing. So we teach those who are already masters and who have forgotten. You who are learning could take our places, were the veil to drop. Yet you have placed yourself in this darkness which you experience, so that you can change.

Consequently to teach is almost hopeless and yet, what else does a human or the spirit have to share? The rest is love and has no words. When there is the attempt to share, it must be that sharing through the structures and the limitations and the exigencies of logic depending from each structure. These limitations are almost hopeless; that is, they create a hopeless situation in which one throws pebbles at the great eternal truth that is too simple to articulate...

[nina1021]

That is a very powerful message you have showed me. It resonates deep within me. Ita hard to describe the feelings I'm experiencing when I read it but it feels more like my truth. Thank you. Sometimes I doubt myself. I often question why I was given the ability to see and feel things more than others. I hope you don't mind me copying and pasting all of your references into my note pad on my phone. I will use them as a constant reminder that I am here to love and be loved.

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I also must say a special thanks to you Patrick!! You have a wonderfully kind heart!!!

[Unbound]

Not only that, but you ARE loved!

[AnthroHeart]

Quote: "You who are learning could take our places, were the veil to drop."

I feel the veil is beginning to drop. Interesting synchronicities since I've focused on my heart.
A coworker made a call today saying "I'm calling about the 97 Infinity"

And at work I found out we have a room named "Bridal Veil Falls- Fast Track Room"

I also get a lot of random noises that startle me.

[nina1021]

Isnt it amazing when you can see the world through loving eyes? I find I'm always smiling at the little clues life gives me.

[AnthroHeart]

Isnt it amazing when you can see the world through loving eyes? I find I'm always smiling at the little clues life gives me.

Yes it is amazing. But it's been very hard to get this way. I used to not be so loving. I just keep wanting it to get better.

[nina1021]

And it will become better! I closed my heart to love because I felt the world was not treating me the way I should be treated. But I learned its easier to live in love then to turn away from it. And if you've used the words "used to" then congrats on your progress and growth!! Youve come a long way and you should only reflect on your past if you've learned something from it

[Vasistha]

Not only that, but you ARE loved!

or more simply; you are love.

I think it is important to really understand who you are. In the end, this grand illusion is just trying to teach you who you really are. Nothing else.

The moment you start to seek something outside of you is the moment you limit yourself. If all is one, are you not all things? and from where does all things spring, if not the light from the love of the One which you are "part" of?

Love is something that you are. So this is your own responsibility to let it shines.

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" - Rumi

You are peace, you are love. Seek within.

If you know firmly that you are love, you do not need anyone to 'love you'. The same way, if you know that you are eternal peace, what can chaos do to you?

[Patrick]

...We ask you to consider the nature of transformation. We would use the example, simplistic though it is, of a cup which must be empty, emptied of all dregs and all substance before it may contain new drink. We ask you to consider a fresh-baked loaf of bread. It is useless until it is broken. In your young wholeness, my friends, you were full of something very valuable, the unexamined and totally trusted light and love of the Creator that blows about children and makes them so special to the adults about them. But there is no learning in this untouched condition. Does bread count it as cruelty to be broken that it may be eaten? We think not. Do you count it as cruel that life has fragmented your understanding and caused you to raise questions about yourself and others and the nature of the universe? Sometimes it is impossible for those within an illusion as dense as yours not to feel that it is cruel to be so broken by experience. And yet, brokenness is an utterly necessary prelude to transformation. Whole, untouched, you are finite. Broken, you become infinite, infinitely full of possibility, of newness, and of the potential for life, life that is new and vital.
...
Each time you are broken, you are being offered a new way to come to a new understanding, if we may use that misnomer, of love. And by this we do not mean that which you call love, but rather that which you call Logos, that love which is creative and original, that love which is the Creator, for that love which is all of us, for we and you and all that there is are the Creator. Closed, you are the citizen of an illusion. It is as though your fullness were a prison. Each time you face adversity, you escape that prison and you are open to the transfiguration of another learning of love...

Our purpose is to learn the ways of love. In this harsh 3rd density illusion, this is done by breaking us open.

A very few minutes of seeking in silence that still, small voice, if we may quote from one of the holy works, is sufficient to put you in contact with the infinity that you can otherwise receive only from the harsh trials of experience.

Daily meditation opens us up without the need to be broken up.

So the more we meditate the less harshness we will face in our daily living. I can attest that this is so.

[nina1021]

Is it better to meditate laying down or sitting up? I have a bad back and sometimes when I medititate sitting up I get stiffness in my back. It's weird because lately I've been waking up at 2 or 3 am suddenly with the urge to meditate but because I like to meditate early in the morning around 6 or 7 I always just wait. I do need to start listening to my inner voice more haha it's shouting at me and my fatigue sometimes makes it difficult to answer it.

Does anyone have suggestions on dieting? For some reason during my transition I'm getting disgusted by the foods I used to eat. I can't drink much soda anymore, I have a new found taste for fruits, vegetables, beans and grains. Lol I was always a junkie eating now I can't even stand the smell of most fast food! Haha it's amazing!

[Patrick]

Ra said that it is somewhat helpful to meditate with the spine erect up, but I have never bothered to do it this way. I just do it laying down comfortably.

[nina1021]

Ok great! Thank you Patrick! I hope we can be friends you're great!

[Unbound]

I meditate in some pretty weird positions sometimes, I think it's all about comfort!

[nina1021]

Thank you for the reassurance! I need to stop worrying about what's the proper way of doing things and just do whatever makes me comfortable!!

[Lycen]

Yes I got the impression that as long as you can keep you're mind "empty" and do not fall asleep then go with what ever posture you like. Or maybe I am hoping it is so hah, either way what you think is.

[zenmaster]

Is it better to meditate laying down or sitting up?

Try both. Depends on the individual. I do both for different purposes. If you lay down, you might want to sleep but that condition is useful for learning about awareness.

[Goldenratio]

I prefer to meditate while walking myself