things just keep on happening...

[xlsander]

today is another of these days where i have been hit hard in the face ...

for a year now i have been going thorugh the hardest time of my life - my awakenin gbegan last december - since then i lost all my investments (i have a family of 5 to take care of) - and it wasnt even me doing the mistakes but one to a large extent obviously - i trusted the wrong people - still i welcomed all this as catalyst for me to have me have realization and open my chakras - which worked really well on that level - still this doesnt feed my family - and fills mw with sorrow up to a point which i feel i cant take anymore - and whenever things started to turn a little my way - after a loving discipline of maintaining positive thoughts, continous seeking of the love in every moment no matter how devastating it has been and right when i felt finally things look like they will work out this time - i get punched in the face big time right at 99% before "the miracle" is supposed to happen - this happened to me this year a couple of times already up until now - i am tired ... - i dont know know if i care about grauation and whether i am a wanderer or not and and and ... all i wanted is to provide for my fam and all i end up doing is creating more difficult life circumstances for them... maybe ill just jump off somewhere to really know what i am or what i am not ...sorry to be bothering you...

[ayadew]

Hello xlsander. I don't have much financial advise, but I say: Don't become absorbed in the drama of this planet. Have faith, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
The infinite love of all is always within you, but it's hard to find on this planet outside yourself currently. The drama is increasing and we're all stuck in it for now. I understand that you are tired. I think many of us are.
I send you supporting intention

[Ali Quadir]

And I will send mine. Life is a b**** sometimes. This may sound corny and may really not add too much to your feeling of well being. But if you were at 99% of success 3 or 4 times in the past year. Then if you continue odds are it will happen for you. My influence is very limited of course. But I will push like Ayadew. Is there any undertaking in particular that you could use a few extra crossed fingers on?

Hang in there my friend and have faith.

[Peregrinus]

A bit over a year ago I left my work (oilfield, chemical engineering consultant, management level ) to care for my infant daughter. Six months ago I left my woman due to drug addiction. She had cleaned out my account of more than 35k, so I couldn't continue to make mortgage payments, therefore I lost my half million dollar home which I had more than 3/4 paid for... I had a car accident, and couldn't afford to fix it, so I stopped driving it. I also haven't been able to afford car insurance, so when that ran out I had to take the bus full time. My daughter and I now live in a one bedroom basement room with a bathroom, and share a kitchen with those upstairs. At end month I barely have enough food to feed my daughter, and have lost probably close to 20 lbs myself. I have been in abuse counselling and group therapy for what that relationship did to my psyche.

Is this hard? Only as hard as I allow myself to believe it is. There was a lesson in this, and believe me I have learned it. Where to go from here? I am learning about life again, from a new perspective where money and other such things matter not.

It is all perspective my friend. These trying times are that which we set up for ourselves before incarnation. Learn from it. Allow the natural "self" to come out from this. At the end of the day, all we have is how we met it.

[Questioner]

maybe ill just jump off somewhere to really know what i am or what i am not

How would that help your family feel loved, cared for and safe?
If you seriously consider suicide, and you also have any desire to care for your family, you need to immediately seek help from suicide prevention hotlines, community counseling centers, or whoever else can help you.

The fear, anxiety, doubt, wondering if they were to blame that you would leave behind would cost far more than any potential insurance payout would ever be worth.

I'm sad that, like many of us, you are also finding financial matters to be very difficult. We are living in a world where economic situations have been manipulated by a small number of evil, perverse, sadistic, controlling people for many years, to serve themselves while impoverishing and hurting countless others. Good people such as Peregrinus and myself get screwed over by abusers and restart from next to nothing.

Some mysteries of why good people hurt seem to remain mysteries in this life. We have some spiritual sources that tell us that at some level, we chose to accept these difficulties as an extremely super-intense opportunity for challenging growth. And we have some spiritual sources that tell us that there are destructive forces that try to tear down whoever they can take advantage of.

We need to have some kind of faith that the things we can't understand might have some ultimate resolution, so that we can go forward with the things we can understand in this life.

The question is where to go from here.

While it is somewhat helpful to know that your situation is not only your fault for making poor choices, the question now is what to do next. You have practical matters of basic shelter, clothing, food, transportation and so on to deal with for yourself and your family.

May I suggest that you put a time limit on your spiritual quest activities, such as an hour a day, until you have done all you can to make your immediate physical and financial situation as secure as you can. As you know the root chakra is about the stability of your physical existence, and if that is not well established, head in the clouds visions are unlikely to help you put food on the table.

I'm not clear on which of the band members you are, but both member profiles list drinking as some kind of badge of honor. These times will be easier to get through sober.

I hope that talking things over here is helpful for you. I'm not in a position to help with money but I am one of several people who can support your desire for love, light and peace in the moments you deal with these days.

[ayadew]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HLL-TjNGck

Mama put your babies to sleep, story too cruelsome for them this is.
In Junior high she said goodbye to her parents and ran away with a boy.
She left her family warm and kind, all of her friends said "you're out of your mind".
Life of her own she would find, it's monday and she's gotta grind.

A Job as a waitress she sure was to find, beautiful face, mind of a child.
Boy got her pregnant, Mary-Lou cried," For this I am too young oh why did you lie" You said "it's okay if we do it today", I was so scared that you would go away.
"Despite all the papers been signed, mama take me back be so kind".

Only a child, reckless and wild, needs to come home again.
He promised the moon but won't marry you.
Nothing to do, eating for two, he's goin' out with someone new.
Sunshine or rain, it's all the same, life isn't gray oh Mary-Lou.

Your children still sleep, in the safe of their cradles so sweet.
Story I told you I have foreseen, Your little angel ain't always so clean.
Days to come aren't easy to see, You can change 'em but it isn't free.
I see that you don't believe, ooo-oo, but you will see.

Only a child, reckless and wild, needs to come home again.
He promised the moon but won't marry you.
Nothing to do, eating for two, he's goin' out with someone new.
Sunshine or rain, it's all the same, life isn't gray oh Mary-Lou.


You are not alone, my friend. Mary-Lou knows how you feel. I know how you feel.
We're in this together.

[fairyfarmgirl]

I hear you all on this one... awhile back we almost wound up in a homeless shelter... if it were not for an international prayer group that I am a member of and participant I do believe our landlord would have evicted us... as it is we are hanging on by a sheer thread economically. We have had to make some hard choices.

The only organic food we eat now is that which is on sale or reduced at the grocery store or food we manage to find and gather.

We unplug just about everything at night to save on the electric bill... This has cut our electric bill by 30.00 usa per month... I know to some here that is not a lot of money but to us a family of 5 in the working poor category this is a weeks worth of groceries. We also turn off our hotwater heater at the fuse box so that it is not drawing power except when we turn the breaker on to heat hot water for showers and washing dishes--- 2 hours a day is all it is on for! We turn out all our lights except for the room we are in and the hall light (pesky kiddos are afraid of the dark)! We get most everything off of freecycle.org and have managed to work it out so people drop it off to us on their way to or from work... so we do not have to travel or we simply just do without. For Christmas I managed to save 5.00 a week from our food budget so that I could get each kid 3 santa gifts and the rest is freecycle stuff... or stuff my husband or I have made for the kiddos. It is a challenge and sometimes I am able to meet that challenge with all the LOVE in my HEART and other times I just sit and cry for awhile or on my really bad days I go out and shout to the HEAVENS to come and GET US OFF THIS ROCK! But those days are far and few between and now that I am shifting even more into greater awareness those days come very infrequently.

We have one car.

We borrow all of our movies and books from the library.

The car is used only for the commute to work and back and to do errands around the town that I can not walk to with 3 kids in tow and no sidewalks... It is interesting...

We eat a lot of pasta, rice, and beans. The adults do not eat any fresh veggies except the ones the kiddos do not eat... We also pray over our food with a food blessing. " We bless this food with LOVE so that it nourishes our souls and enriches our bodies...." We do the same with our water. So far our meager supplies seem to be lasting a lot longer... it is amazing how much one can stretch 1lb of ziti and one can of stewed tomatoes. LOL

It is a challenge. So many of us are in this same spot. And it SUCKS!!!! But we can choose to make the best of it and reach out to others in our communities and come together to collectively pool resources or we can eat s*** and die. It is really a matter of perspective one of which I find myself vacilating between the despair of this insane and stupid situation and feeling that everything will be okay. It is only through COMMUNITY with others that these issues can begin to be resolved.

Many wanderers are survivors of abuse on many levels.. You are not alone in this at all.

And through it all we still laugh and play... we still find connection with our loved ones... we make art and beauty and sing and pray and everyday the sun is still shinning and the trees stand tall bending with the breeze. Life goes on.

Suicide can be seductive... it seems like it would be ohhh so much easier without all the committments... and then there is that pesky life review and then well suicide most definately would indicate a self choosing remediation of 3D... I am choosing to see this one through... The NEW EARTH is EMERGING and as all seeds that are just beginning to grow it will take time to see the EVIDENCE but it is HERE! Be still and know that you are God.

Definately put down the alcoholic poisions and take up some AAA! Alcohol takes you off line and makes you vulnerable to the STS bastards always waiting in the wings to just tip the balance into their favor... is that what you want to be a slave to them... Choose to be strong for you already are STRONG.

fairyfarmgirl

[Monica]

xlsander, you're not a bother at all!!! What would be the point of this forum if we didn't reach out to one another and help one another? Of course we are all here for you! We might not have easy solutions, but we can offer our love and compassion. So please do feel free to share of yourself!

I can totally relate to your situation. 2 years ago, I had a great gig going with good-paying job at which I could set my own hours. Then the company started laying people off. There were 2 of us in a department so it seemed obvious that one of us had to go. My co-worker basically stomped on me to save his own skin...told blatant lies about me and the boss believed him. It was ironic because I had cleaned up a lot of his messes...When they told me I was getting laid off, I sat in the bathroom and cried, I felt so betrayed!

We had a horrible year financially. Due to health problems at the time, I couldn't take on a normal 8-to-5 job, and because my skill was in IT, and technology had changed, I was no longer marketable. So we basically lived on credit cards and my husband's biz that year.

Here's the irony: I had been miserable at that job, because I basically sat in a cube all day staring at a computer. I used to think, "Is this it? What happened to all that Wanderer stuff? How am I supposed to do any good on the planet if I'm stuck here all day?" I had been praying for something I could do that would actually help people!

But, I lacked the faith to do something about it. Since I had no other marketable skills, I was afraid that if I quit, we would suffer financially.

Well, I probably never would have had the faith to leave that job! So guess what: My Higher Self pretty much hit me over the head with a 2x4! I wouldn't make the leap myself, so it got decided for me!

So yeah we had a rough year. But, then something fell in my lap that was totally amazing, and we are now doing much better. More importantly, I am now living my dream! Not financially yet...we're not rich - but we manage ok, and I'm working at home doing something I love that helps people. What more could I ask for?

The reason I'm telling you my story is that I see such a parallel...I know what it's like to feel disdainful of all that spiritual stuff when we can't even provide for our family...we do still have to deal with the mundane issues of life...I really do know what you're going thru, at least to some degree.

In my case, I had a lot of control issues. I was afraid to let go and TRUST. That was the hardest thing for me! I kept trying to figure it all out on my own. I even felt envious of the Christians, who could just let go and 'trust Jesus' and miraculously their bills would get paid! I couldn't go back to a fundamentalist religion, and yet I envied their child-like trust! It seemed to work for them!

Well, it took losing my job to make me realize that my conscious self isn't in total control. (duh) I do believe in positive thinking and all that, but, at the same time, I also believe that it only works within the parameters of our pre-incarnational programming, which is a reflection of what our Higher Self wants us to learn in this semester of Earth School. I had to learn the hard way that trying to figure it all out on my own just didn't work. It was learning to TRUST that finally got things moving, and solutions started presenting themselves!

I now believe that the Christians who are putting their faith in Jesus are actually putting their faith in their Higher Selves...they call it the name they are comfortable with...but it's the same thing. We can do that too! In my belief, based on my understanding of the Law of One, powerful insights occur when we seek that balance between free will ('thinking positive' affirmations etc.) and trusting in that higher power...our own Higher Self that has that Divine spark and knows our deepest needs.

This is what helped me get thru that rough time...when I realized that I had no choice but to trust...and then I read in a Q'uo session that, when we made a clear choice about what we wanted in our lives, and decided to live according to trust, they (Q'uo and other spiritual elders) would rearrange the Cosmos to accommodate us. !!! Wow, is that amazing or what??? I wish I could find the exact quote. (If anyone knows it please post.) It was really powerful, and triggered one of those 'Aha' moments.

Basically, it gave me the faith to be able to just trust. That doesn't mean I sat around and did nothing. I think the idea of faith/trust can be taken too far...I once met a mom who never bothered with bicycle helmets or seat belts for her child because she believed that Jesus would protect him. This was the same person who didn't worry about paying her bills because someone would always give her $$ at the last minute. I was like, huh? That's a little too extreme for me! Maybe somewhere in the middle is about right.

So yeah, I do try to get clear on exercising my free will. At the same time, I am finally beginning to realize that the UniVerse really is abundant! Actually letting that sink in has taken some time in my case, probably because I grew up in a very poor family so had a lot of poverty consciousness to deal with. But I can see progress!

I would like to suggest reading more of the Q'uo channelings. While the Ra sessions provide the cosmology, the foundation, I see the Q'uo channelings as being much more personal, much more 'how-to' apply the principles in everyday life. They have helped me tremendously!

Much love and light to you! I will add my own zapping of positive energy your way, along with others on this forum. You are not alone!

Let's everyone send a big hug to xlsander!

[airwaves]

Fairy/Liz, you are a very strong, beautifull, and light filled person. I love you. And shall send you more than usual . We are not so different dear.

In fact despite my current state of things I am filling very full of the ole L/L so I may as well give it to someone right?

A little bit of love for you all!

[ayadew]

Thank you all for sharing these fantastic stories... I look forward to experiencing them all in full power, together, when we meet as one, in infinite love.

[Monica]

awhile back we almost wound up in a homeless shelter...

Wow, fairyfarmgirl and Peregrinus...both of you are an inspiration! I feel almost silly for our 'rough' year...it was nowhere near as severe as what you described! And yet, both of you are incredibly wealthy! Despite having financial struggles, it's obvious that your family lives are rich, rich, RICH!!

That has been a key for my husband and me. We're just now beginning to get on our feet after a lot of financial distress, but we realized that, in our personal relationships, we are RICH! We know some people who are financially wealthy but very poor because they have no family, no loved ones to share their financial wealth with. We consider ourselves much richer than they are. Not trying to compare ourselves with them, but it did help us put things in perspective when we realized that we are RICH in the things that really matter to us.

Interestingly, it is this very attitude/mindset of thinking of ourselves as being RICH that is helping us, rippling out into financial matters as well. The more we give thanks for our blessings - children, health, love in our lives, etc. - the more we feel rich. And it is that very mindset that might attract financial wellbeing as well. But whether it does or not, that's ok, because we're still rich!

It has also helped to let go of attachment to things we've lost. We lost a lot of $$ but what does that matter? If the UniVerse really is abundant and infinite, it can be easily replaced...when the time is right.

[xlsander]

I'm just overwhelmed - omg thank you so much everyone - i think ill have to just get back on my feet again and re-try, we fall tolearn to pick ourselves up apparently ...

[fairyfarmgirl]

awhile back we almost wound up in a homeless shelter...

Wow, fairyfarmgirl and Peregrinus...both of you are an inspiration! I feel almost silly for our 'rough' year...it was nowhere near as severe as what you described! And yet, both of you are incredibly wealthy! Despite having financial struggles, it's obvious that your family lives are rich, rich, RICH!!

That has been a key for my husband and me. We're just now beginning to get on our feet after a lot of financial distress, but we realized that, in our personal relationships, we are RICH! We know some people who are financially wealthy but very poor because they have no family, no loved ones to share their financial wealth with. We consider ourselves much richer than they are. Not trying to compare ourselves with them, but it did help us put things in perspective when we realized that we are RICH in the things that really matter to us.

Interestingly, it is this very attitude/mindset of thinking of ourselves as being RICH that is helping us, rippling out into financial matters as well. The more we give thanks for our blessings - children, health, love in our lives, etc. - the more we feel rich. And it is that very mindset that might attract financial wellbeing as well. But whether it does or not, that's ok, because we're still rich!

It has also helped to let go of attachment to things we've lost. We lost a lot of $$ but what does that matter? If the UniVerse really is abundant and infinite, it can be easily replaced...when the time is right.

We wound up putting all that would not fit into the car on freecycle.org as we had no way to move it anywhere--- and many people benefited from our fall and got stuff and took it to their home... and then in the 11th hour we managed to work something out with the Landlord and still had a home.

We have not bothered to replace any of the stuff as having a lighter load (not that we ever had that much stuff to begin with) will make it easier to move when we are able to do so.

Intention and Prayer are the backbone of our Faith in ourselves and the inherent Goodness of the majority of Humanity... We are all interconnected... parts of the same fabric of life.

fairyfarmgirl

[Ali Quadir]

My prayers are with you all. I wish there was more I could do you all feel like tribe, the few who understand. There is this mechanism where if you're at the point of escaping your predicament. There will be one more setback, one that has the potential to undo all the previous work crawling up. Expect that setback, it is the universe asking: "You're about to escape the situation you created, are you sure?" (Press yes or no to continue) Push hard at that moment make sure there's no doubt about your YES.... Not pushing often seems to be interpreted as no.

I've seen this so many times, this is the thing people trip over most because it's at this point where we relax and are vulnerable.

Words are cheap but sincere.

[Lorna]

i hope you have a positive resolution to this situation soon xlsander
thinking of you

[ayadew]

"I pity people who get everything they want." - unknown

[artichoke]

There's something to the observation that by dabbling in broader issues, one brings on powerful opposition. Maybe it's the "one final test." Maybe if you pass that test there would be another one, so it's not final. I have experienced the same myself and am doing so now, not as much by any means as a couple of you here in this thread.

My best wishes and expectations ...

[Monica]

There will be one more setback, one that has the potential to undo all the previous work crawling up. Expect that setback, it is the universe asking: "You're about to escape the situation you created, are you sure?" (Press yes or no to continue) Push hard at that moment make sure there's no doubt about your YES.... Not pushing often seems to be interpreted as no.

I've seen this so many times, this is the thing people trip over most because it's at this point where we relax and are vulnerable.

That is so true!!! I have experienced that many, many times...and now whenever I have a major breakthru about anything, I expect to be challenged. It happens, never fails...but sometimes in a sneaky way...so now I expect the unexpected.

---

We wound up putting all that would not fit into the car on freecycle.org

I didn't know about freecycle...thanks for passing that on!

Intention and Prayer are the backbone of our Faith in ourselves and the inherent Goodness of the majority of Humanity... We are all interconnected... parts of the same fabric of life.

Beautiful!

[thefool]

thank you all for sharing your stories. It means a lot to me.

they demonstrate the power of our spirit, the ability to keep moving against all odds...

[fairyfarmgirl]

Fairy/Liz, you are a very strong, beautifull, and light filled person. I love you. And shall send you more than usual . We are not so different dear.

In fact despite my current state of things I am filling very full of the ole L/L so I may as well give it to someone right?

A little bit of love for you all!

Thank you Airwaves... I am filled with gratitude for your gift. Today is the first day in a long time that I have felt vitality! I concentrating on nurturing that vitality and I am ever so happy and grateful!

--fairy

[xlsander]

i just wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for sharing your touching lives - and i apologize for the, it now seems, exaggeration on my end - fairyfarmgirl and peregrinus your live stories are wonderful examples of a wanderer's way to cope with it all - and i ideeply thank you for being the catalyst i needed for broadening my perspective for i was caught up too much apparently - everyone else i love you for your kind words and support - i will simply keep on going with what the universe flow is offering me and learn even more that it is all about the state of being and the moment always contains love - guys seriously i love it here - i dont usually comment or discuss too much since you say it all most of the times -but i do read it all and am overwhelmed by this place of pure love and light that we come to share together - namasté

[fairyfarmgirl]

xlsander--

I love you too. Remember to look up at the sky and down at the ground and in doing so you will see all the beauty around you. It is this beauty that we are here to see.

Love--

fairyfarmgirl

[Peregrinus]

fff,
Agreed. In all my travels of the world, one of the things I have noticed is that where the people were the poorest, they were the happiest, and where people had abundance, they were miserable. It's not in having what you want; it is wanting what you have. All the most beautiful things are free; all one must do is open their eyes and look.

xlsander,
I'd like to say that it is nice to understand that you, as well as others, find inspiration in my story of suffering, but I am not suffering. This is only a situation, part of my illusion, and it was what I needed to awaken. I am accepting of all, for it empowers me to further understand my place in The One Creator's creation. It allows me to focus.

Namaste my friend.

[ayadew]

So much love!

"It's not in having what you want; it is wanting what you have."
It's that simple, hehe. Even in a drop of spilled coca-cola there's infinity.

[Peregrinus]

Well, after the life changing year I have just had, I just got told by my landlords, in a suggestive way, that they would like my daughter and me to move out because they don't have enough time alone. My daughter and I have been renting a single room in the basement and they have been gracious enough to allow us to stay here, sharing their kitchen and living room upstairs. I have been a very good renter. I do most of the dishes, cook sometimes, clean, take out the garbage/recycling, shovel snow, mowed the lawn, raked and bagged the leaves, and generally go out of my way to not be in their way. Where to go now though?... I guess this all ties in with the dream I had this morning of an angel telling me it is time to shine... at least that is my interpretation of it now. I'm not upset... just sort of dumbstruck that this news would come so close to Christmas...

[Monica]

Well, after the life changing year I have just had, I just got told by my landlords, in a suggestive way, that they would like my daughter and me to move out

Oh! I will be sending you lots of love and light!

[fairyfarmgirl]

Pere---
How long do you have before you have to move out? Did you sign a lease or is this month to month... Is there a family Homeless shelter in your area... it is here you can regroup and move forward if in the USA most of the time with a section 8 certificate and/or a placement in subsidized housing... There is help also in your community... hook up with a UU church or Church of Christ or Congregationalist... they all have social justice programs and are usually well connected within the community...

Get CLEAR in you MIND what you INTEND for YOURSELF and YOUR CHILD and then let us know what this intention is... through connecting with others with your intention MIRACLES WILL and DO HAPPEN!

Love--

fairyfarmgirl

[Peregrinus]

Hi fff

To tell the truth, I am making no plans, nor searching, nor asking for help. I am simply putting out to the universe that we need to move forward (out), and having faith that all will work out according to the way it is supposed to. I simply have faith it will work out, and it always does.

I expect to be out for Jan 31st. I am optimistic, happy, and look forward to wherever my daughter and I end up. It will be our new adventure, and we will face it boldly and without fear I am at peace with this.

[Lorna]

you have a beautiful perspective peregrinus

[Aaron]

I wish both of you good luck, xlsander and Peregrinus. You've gone through so much, it's inspirational to see you beaming with love and hope after it all.