Greetings from the Dark

[Unbound]

Now that I think of it, it is strange that you got upset with me for coming to the defense of another...

[Lulu]

At the present time, there are many unpolarized/unawakened entities on this planet, that waffle back and forth from incarnation to incarnation between STO and STS, never truly achieving polarization and the gateways to intelligent infinity. I believe this is largely attributable to the respective efforts of fourth density entities to "aid" these entities, so that they may chose the "right path." The ultimate polarization of an entity is of no moment to me. Attainment of the gateway of intelligent infinity and progression towards unity with the Creator is my only concern. I do this primarily by balancing entities close to awakening, and removing defective energy patterns. If the entity wishes to progress in the ways of the STS orientation I instruct them, teaching the path I know best.

-Zaxon

Hi Zaxon, thank you for the fascinating post and responses! I found this post "Greeting from the Dark" even more interesting then the Ra channels that I read yesterday.

Lots of questions and comments came to mind as I read through these. For one, you are only 25 years of age, according to your profile. You state yourself as a walk-in which seems to fit based on your unusual intelligence. Can you share more about how you know that you are a walk-in and what you might remember. Did you deliberately possess the body you are currently in and through what means, when where etc. Will you be staying in it.

I have always had a fascination with Data and Dr. Spock so I am really enjoying reading all of this.

I can relate to your preferred desire to be left alone with the creator.

Can you please share more about what your wrote (copied) above. Are you working with these individuals face to face? Because you refer to them using the word "entity" I question if you are indicating that you are working with them astrally such as from your non-physical self and realm remotely or are they people in your life your are doing something with to trigger them.

It's interesting you chose a mate who is similar and you seem to understand she is reflecting you. Perhaps she is more receptive then the others and not so much similar but just mirroring you. Is that what you like because you can then relate? Do find yourself able to use the reflection as tool to see yourself and adjust your own self then? This seems to be one of the missing antidotes in our current society especially for male/female relationships. Just the way I'm writing to you is very different from how I would respond to most posts because I'm reflecting you now. I'm not likely to include happy faces and little hearts and that sort of thing because it would not fit with the reflected reply itself. (I can tell they would be useless, correct me if I'm mistaken), however I often include them with others.

When I went through my awakening one of the most painful experiences was the realization of how I was reflecting others and how there was not a "me". Everything dropped away and there was nothing left of "me". Perhaps for masculine energy it could be described as everything was now just an illusion.

I appreciate the clarification you offer regarding STS . When I read through Ra's channels yesterday I also felt that STO was distorted. We often serve Others the most deeply when we choose what is best for ourselves.

[drifting pages]

Lulu you might want to check this thread http://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=4268
Only members can see it and now so do you, since you joined the forum

[Plenum]

that's an impressive first post Lulu!

I sure hope Zaxon gets back to you, but I think we might have played a little too rough with him, and he's not talking to us anymore.

hope I'm wrong.

[Lulu]

Abstrktion,

The act of explanation increases my understanding. As I force into words that which is deeply known, I increase understanding. I also learn by understanding other's misapprehensions. I found many misconceptions in the Ra material regarding the STS path. The material is strongly biased by the holy/evil paradigm of the scribe group, as well as the STO orientation of the Ra entity. I offer what I believe to be a more balanced view for any who have interest in it. However, this is not a primary or even secondary concern.

I am biased both towards light/love and unity, in other words, I receive the love of the Creator and achieve unity with the Creator, by understanding the Creator. Both the third and fourth density are highly polarized volatile planes of existence. Entities of this density begin to understand unity, but retain primal biases to one or the other polarities. There is a tendency then, consciously or subconsciously, to evangelize one's particular distortion. I am both puzzled and bemused by this phenomena. A sixth density understanding of polarity recognizes it as illusion. The Creator exists in both passive and active states. In the illusion of separateness we are the Creator in an active state of self exploration, moving back towards the Creator by the twin impulses that draw us together (love) and those that make us unified and complete (will). The Creator in a passive unified state is the ultimate balance of STO (love) and STS (will) energies. In other words, the illusion of separateness ends, and the Creator is unified and indivisibly complete. As an entity moves through 6th and 7th densities it strives for the balancing of these impulses. Once perfectly alined love encompasses the self, which is all, and will has unified mastery of the whole.

-Zaxon

Did you really come up with this yourself? It's brilliant!

[Zaxon]

Greetings Lulu,

Yes, I am approximately 25 years old. However, my personality and awareness have been approximately what they are now throughout my life. Though I have gained more factual knowledge about the world throughout my life, my core personality has been as it is now. My earliest memories date back to before I was a year old, as I looked out infant eyes in sardonic bemusement at my squealing mother as I took my first steps at 8 months old. I began speaking in full sentences soon thereafter. However, I did not fully inhabit this body until I was approximately 3 or 4 years old. I have a fairly vivid memory of one moment being a child like any other, happily ensconced in my family, then suddenly seeing them and the world around me with alien eyes. The change was subtle, and I still do not know the mechanics. I retained all the memories of before, and felt continuity in self awareness, however, all that was familiar suddenly became distant, and I became cold. I became the "little old man" at that moment, and have become more fully myself with each successive year. Long before I knew what a "walk in" was, I used this term to describe that experience. However, even as a walk-in I find my eyes as covered by the veil of confusion as anyone else. What advantages I have had, if you can call it that, is that I have been free of Karma and have been able to overcome what difficulties I have encountered in this life with relative ease. The insanity of this world has never stuck to me.

Those I spoke of as entities are incarnated Wanderers, I refer to them as entities because their current physical incarnation is but an aspect of their being.

The mirroring of which you speak is commonly found in those of an STO orientation, but is antithetical to the STS oriented individual. I have encountered many STO oriented people who tend to lose themselves in the identities of others. This is done in part because they are highly empathic, but also because they are inclined to find commonality with others to the point of having an unstable ill defined personality. A female STO I worked with initially mirrored me, and adapted many of my mannerisms and interests. In fact this has occurred with every polarized STO I have encountered. However, this mirroring is at best a facade, which quickly falls away because the defining characteristic of their natures is fluidity, whereas mine is stability and control. My mate does not mirror me, she is my mirror. The difference is subtle but important. She was as she is before we met, and that self was fundamentally like my own. I have helped her develop her awareness since we have met, and unblock some portions of herself that she had repressed. In so doing she has become more herself, and in so doing has become even more like me. I regard myself too highly to be attracted to anyone who does not reflect me and my highest values.

-Zaxon

---

Plenum,

I stopped posting on this forum because it ceased to be productive. That is all I will say, lest my tongue give way to incivility.

-Zaxon

[Lulu]

At the present time, there are many unpolarized/unawakened entities on this planet, that waffle back and forth from incarnation to incarnation between STO and STS, never truly achieving polarization and the gateways to intelligent infinity. I believe this is largely attributable to the respective efforts of fourth density entities to "aid" these entities, so that they may chose the "right path." The ultimate polarization of an entity is of no moment to me. Attainment of the gateway of intelligent infinity and progression towards unity with the Creator is my only concern. I do this primarily by balancing entities close to awakening, and removing defective energy patterns. If the entity wishes to progress in the ways of the STS orientation I instruct them, teaching the path I know best.

-Zaxon

From Lulu:
Seems to me that when we achieve non-polarization we actually connect with with our creator directly in that blissful way.

Polarization however, is the necessary guide of the creator as polarizing "Serves" the creator. Polarizing creates an asking or desires which then allow more "life" more action, more evolution, more creation altogether. It should be a "natural" happening.

When one has figured something out about the way the universe works and has become non-polarized they have reached their own gift becoming one with the creator no longer "striving" for it.

In a way connection is polarization but in a broader way the ultimate connection is non-polarization or an understanding that is so broad matches the creator. The harvest equals a polarization. This is considered a "survivor" as the energy is sustained for more creative work through unmet desires.
_________________
side note: that was strange. I think we were posting at the same moment. my most recent post seems to have disappeared?
_____________________
thank you for the reply Zaxon. So the moment you felt that cold shift is when you were walked-into perhaps?
____________________________
It's disappointing about the forum and the comment on it being in not productive. I have been exploring forums as I have not found one person who can relate to my experiences. I most recently posted a long one about what a "productive" forum is to me, then left. I have yet to find one that is productive. Yet, upon reading your posts, I had hopes.

[Zaxon]

Lulu,

I view the STS and STO paths as differing approaches to learning and understanding the Creator. Those who walk the STO path best understand the Creator through knowing and helping others, those who walk the STS path understand the Creator primarily through understanding and aggrandizing the self. Once one attains near perfect understanding of the Creator, either through understanding of self or others, polarity may be abandoned. Until that time, however, it is through polarization that we learn and move forward.

As a seeker on the path I understand that you are in search for answers. There is perhaps a part of you that hopes if not expects that there will be one who has all the answers that will satisfy long held curiosities. I believe all seekers have experienced this. However, there is no mystic upon the mountain to dispense wisdom. To find truth you must look within. You have all the answers. You are the mystic with all the answers you will ever need, but you must be willing to listen to them with a an open and fearless mind.

I do not know if I was walked into, or my true self had merely moved to the background because it could not stand the indignity of infancy. I barely tolerated childhood, and can remember vivid disgust at having a small and frail body that I had little control over.

-Zaxon

[Lulu]

>In fact this has occurred with every polarized STO I have encountered. However, this mirroring is at best a facade, which quickly falls away because the defining characteristic of their natures is fluidity, whereas mine is stability and control. My mate does not mirror me, she is my mirror. The difference is subtle but important. She was as she is before we met, and that self was fundamentally like my own.

Zaxon<

It's interesting you say that above and yet you are determined to help to "polarize" those who are not. Why and what is missing about that exactly can you explain? The reason I ask is because I was "polarized" and would like to know what the motivation was behind it. I am no longer of radiance to this earth existence. I lost my desire for this cumbersome life and to exist in this world as we know it. I find myself frustrated at this waiting for it to change and I was VERY angry for a long time at the "entity" who "worked" with me to ruin my "illusion" which kept me in a place of survival and chasing desires and life here on this earth.
____________________________________________________________
Well said about the difference "she was as she is before we met". And that your self-worth is enough you would accept no less then someone who is as "you" are as rude as it sounds, I know what you mean.
___________________________________________________________
However/whoever it is that you gather information from, it's as if I have heard it and know it far too well already, but you write it so well, it does give me comfort. It makes me wonder how many of "you" there are from wherever it is you exactly are from? I have both a disturbing feeling towards you as well as a large appreciation for you. You represent such a similar entity of who worked (saying it nicely) with me for my supposed "awakening". There is a large part of me who feels that I am no different then I was before and that it was the entity himself that was awakened due to my devoting STO. Certainly I have more caution and awareness as to how I exist and operate with others. But truly, it was more life-giving and fun before to have desires, chase them, trust and to be in "illusion".

....so why do you go about trying to "polarize" others again?

[Zaxon]

Lulu,

My information comes from the deepest and truest parts of my being. In so doing I believe I occasionally reflect the Creator, and thereby some version of universal truth. If my words ring familiar, perhaps this is why. I have never reached outwards for answers, I find them within.

I have never taught where I have not learned. This is my primary reason for working with and awakening others. If I have a special talent it is that I show people their true selves, as well as their weakness and illusions. You have some peculiar apprehensions about what it means to awaken and how it occurs. You were a seeker long before you awoke. You wanted answers, and you called one in your life that helped you find them. But in so doing, you only learned that you had only begun questioning. If you preferred blindness, curse your eyes for seeing and your mind for comprehending. After that exercise in futility, you should be ready to learn and question in earnest.

I would also warm against being paralyzed by the realizations you are experiencing. Living and practicing what you learn is as important as the initial understanding. Do not succumb to millenarian escapism. Living in the eternal now means living every moment vitally, not starring hopefully at tomorrow to escape today.

I come to remember slowly, who I am, and where I come from. I find it to be a very beautiful and comforting place, though I suspect many would consider it brutal and harsh.

-Zaxon

[Shin'Ar]

I always feel a little invasive when I attempt to interject into an ongoing conversation, so pardon the intrusion Zaxon and Lulu.

Zaxon,

Intuition is a vital part of a person's ability to follow a path, but actual growth and evolution will depend more on the ability to reject what one thought they knew for new understandings when they appear. Otherwise one is always a teacher and never a student.

The way that many here seem to view STS and STO concerns me in that they totally disregard Ra's clear warning that, when the shift into next density occurs, those of STS distortion will begin their next existence in a world that is populated solely by those of STS orientation. Can I impose upon what you think to be the Way, long enough to get you to consider what that means? And then maybe we can discuss STS and STO from another angle that will help to cause you to think differently. In that existence there will no longer be the opportunity to serve others, as all will be in STS. Will that be satisfactory and acceptable to you?

I also do not think that you understand that STO and STS is not polarization. It is simply a choice one makes. Distortion is not polarization. It is vibration that develops as a result of the choices we make which can be found in both STS and STO.

The Orion faction is not polarized toward STS, they are oriented toward STS. Their distortion is STS oriented.

We are all polarized in such a way that we mimick the universe around us. The source of polarization is not rooted in choosing to be either STS or STO oriented as you seem to be making it sound.

Now to get back to your orientation of STS, may I ask you if you can see that when Ra speaks of the actions of the Orion, Ra is is not condoning anything that they have done, but is rather just pointing out the reality of it?

Many continue to suggest that STS is merely a matter of understanding one's self and, in that servicing, development and understanding comes. This is not accurate, I do not see where this is what Ra teaches, and if it is what Ra teaches, than Ra is mistaken in so doing.

Service to self is selfishness and greed. It is a complete disregard for the state of the All and the One. STS is the gratification of the artificial, as though it is of some importance, when in fact it is the illusion which you mentioned.

Polarization is not the illusion. Polarization is the natural state of creation. The illusion is to believe that one is separate from that state in an individual manner. We are not. We are polarized, but never individual. We are polarized by our natural state of being, which is as a fragment of the One Consciousness, and an aspect of this One creation, which is in a polarized state. We do not become polarized by choosing STO or STS. Those are nothing more than choices we make as polarized beings.

We have the choice to express love and compassion toward others and to seek a new world where all can live in harmony with each other, OR we can choose to gratify ourselves in STS alone, in ignorance of others and unconcerned with the plight of our humanity for the sake of individuality.

Yes, it is true that one can still ascend into higher dimensions in STS, but it will be on a very different and much slower path, as a very different distortion, and will separate you from those in STO in the near future. You will become like those of Orion. This is simple choice.

If one chooses to service thyself, to experience what you might gain for the self in that experience, you are working to provide for an illusion, an artificial reality that cannot benefit except to learn that it is an illusion. This does benefit in this way, but at the cost of altering your distortion toward STS, which both slows down your ascendance and risks being trapped in STS if the shift occurs. Becoming aware of the illusion of self through STO is a much safer and more productive path.

In short experiencing STS for the sake of identifying your true self, is the same as beating your head on the wall to find out it hurts. Because what you discover in STS if successful, is that the self that you are trying to gratify is temporary and reincarnating, again and again, when it doesn't have to. There is a way out of that darkness if you would walk in the right direction and forget STS. And everytime one treads on the path of STS one also takes the great risk involved.

Love for one's self is an illusion because one's true self is those others that one ignores in service to self. However, love for others does not deny the self, because the self is those who you are loving.

[Liet]

...

One will be placed in the correct density of/to ones personal growth...
Which means being placed with the likeminded.
If ur of a 5th density personality/mindset, you wont be placed in the 4th density.

Would you rather have an intense will and ability to learn/grow (absorb) rapidly, or have the will (not nessessarily ability) to make the world an easier place for others (radiate)?
Both are nessessary, i value "knowing" equal to, or slightly higher than "having the will to give"...
as zaxon mentioned before; aiding others without the knowing of its consequences may be counterproductive.

The negative path is atleast 10x faster than the positive... but yes, the positive path is safer.
Risk vs Reward.

...You seem to fairly often mistake the negative polarity for containing ONLY the solar plexus...
The more colors other than yellow that are added to ones aura/personality, the less unpleasant one will be (even if the femenine energies arent present).

[Zaxon]

Shin'Ar,

If you wish to evangelize your view of the Creator, I ask that you start a new thread with that express purpose. Otherwise, I would ask that you stop commandeering this one, and disregarding the ongoing conversation. You have said nothing new since your initial posts, but have expressed the same dogmatic view which you have held out as self-evident absolute truth. Many posts ago we identified our fundamental differences, and it became apparent to me that our paradigms are irreconcilable. Seeing that there was no room for discussion, I attempted to politely break off conversation, but apparently I was too subtle. So I will say explicitly what I earlier implied. At this juncture I see no room for further constructive dialogue between us.

-Zaxon

[Shin'Ar]

At this juncture I see no room for further constructive dialogue between us.

-Zaxon

If you choose not answer my questions of you, that is of course your choice. as I said if one chooses not to learn from others, that is the fate of STS, and I will refrain from trying to converse with you again. To be honest I do not recall any discussion we had previously where you asked this of me. I apologize. However in refusing to have discource with me you also do not deny or criticize the points I make, you simply avoid them. Your choice!

---

...

One will be placed in the correct density of/to ones personal growth...
Which means being placed with the likeminded.
If ur of a 5th density personality/mindset, you wont be placed in the 4th density.

Would you rather have an intense will and ability to learn/grow (absorb) rapidly, or have the will (not nessessarily ability) to make the world an easier place for others (radiate)?
Both are nessessary, i value "knowing" equal to, or slightly higher than "having the will to give"...
as zaxon mentioned before; aiding others without the knowing of its consequences may be counterproductive.

The negative path is atleast 10x faster than the positive... but yes, the positive path is safer.
Risk vs Reward.

...You seem to fairly often mistake the negative polarity for containing ONLY the solar plexus...
The more colors other than yellow that are added to ones aura/personality, the less unpleasant one will be (even if the femenine energies arent present).

I believe you are seriously misquoting the teachings of Ra here. I suspect that as Zaxon you will also accuse me of preaching, but isn't that what all opinion is if one voices what they understand? That accusation is simjply a diversion and escape from having to answer for what you profess.

IMO, Ra has stated clearly that, when the shift into fourth desnity occurs on this planet, those of STS distortion will be sent to a world where only STS distortion exists. Those of STO will be sent to a very different experience of course where only service to other distortion exists.

Now to avoid being falsely accused, or cast aside, as zaxon has just done to me, I must retain credibility by location that verse and posting it here which is what I shall now do.

By the way, this treatment of a fellow broether and seeker by Zaxon toward me is the very manifestation of STS. It is less than admirable and certainly not beneficial to the All, and should be a wakeup call to all of you who would act in the same manner toward other seekers.

Here is the post from the Ra material that speaks of the harvest of the STS and STO. It is found on page 100 of book one session 6

Ra: I am Ra. The Law of One states simply that all things are one, that all
beings are one. There are certain behaviors and thought-forms consonant
with the understanding and practice of this law. Those who, finishing a
cycle of experience, demonstrate grades of distortion of that understanding
of thought and action will be separated by their own choice into the
vibratory distortion most comfortable to their mind/body/spirit complexes.
This process is guarded or watched by those nurturing beings who, being
very close to the Law of One in their distortions, nevertheless, move
towards active service.

One page 126 when asked if it is possible for those of STS distortion to rise into 4th density, Ra says clearly that a harvest of that type will be small. And as I said there is another quote by Ra that says they will also go to a separate place where only STS go, separate from the place where STo will go.

If one chooses to risk having to do the third desnity all over again, rerincarmating for another round of thousands of years, or if harvested going to a place where only STS types go, than that is a choice they make deliberately. and so for them, it is admirable to cry out 'Greetings From the Dark"

[Ali Quadir]

Zaxon, I've read your story with interest. I have not read the entire thread. What I don't understand, and I don't believe it was adressed, is why you believe you're STS?

What is STS in your own words?

[Shin'Ar]

This duality that Zaxon speaks of, as being two paths both returning to the Source, is accurate. this is the reality of the polarity of the universe.

But it is not polarity. Polarity is the nature of the universe. Choice is the nature of the human, beings which are by nature polarized as is all creation.

As Intelligent Energy we have the choice to either serve others or not. As intelligent energy we have the choice to risk the dangers of serving ourselves.

But one choice that we do not have is determining how we become One and return to the Source. We cannot return to the Source as two different paths. We can take two paths to arrive there, each being very different paths, but in order to enter through that Gate, to return to the Source, to return to infinity and create the Ouroboros, we must do so as One. We must discover our true identity as the One. To establish that Divine Connection that enables us to become One we must understand our polarity, and our true identity as being of One Consciousness. This cannot be done in STS alone.

STS can bring one to the higher densities on particular paths, but STS can never become One Consciousness, because it serves only the artifical and temporary identity as the individual. STS cannot become the Source and complete the Ouroboros.

[Zaxon]

Zaxon, I've read your story with interest. I have not read the entire thread. What I don't understand, and I don't believe it was adressed, is why you believe you're STS?

What is STS in your own words?

Greetings Ali Quadir,

I believe this was addressed, though indirectly, in early posts. However, I realize this thread has become quite long, so I will clarify and reiterate. As I said previously, even before awakening I had been strongly drawn to philosophical egoism, as well as stoicism and the concepts of Darwinian evolution as applied to social and cultural contexts. Therefore, even before awakening I had a fairly robust and nuanced understanding of the world from the perspective of the STS archetype.

On a more fundamental level, I was initially drawn to these ideas and philosophies because I have a highly rational nature and low emotional affect. Altruistic compulsion has never been an aspect of my being, as my perspective has always been, "How does this benefit me?" In many situations I respond to social and cultural stimuli like any other person, seeing as most social relationships are in some way mutually beneficial. I am even actively involved in a few charities and non-profits that promote ideas I value in a way that is personally and professionally advantageous. However, the real difference manifests itself where altruism is concerned, and my motivating impulses. Where and STO will be motivated to act by compassion, I am motivated to act by reason, going through the initial step of, "Is this beneficial?" I will make no pretense of benevolence, because I am not. There are situations where I no doubt seem ruthless, cold, and aggressive.

-Zaxon

[Shin'Ar]

... Therefore, even before awakening I had a fairly robust and nuanced understanding of the world from the perspective of the STS archetype.
.... Altruistic compulsion has never been an aspect of my being, as my perspective has always been, "How does this benefit me?"

I will make no pretense of benevolence, because I am not. There are situations where I no doubt seem ruthless, cold, and aggressive.

-Zaxon

And thus we have the perfect description of STS. "Greetings From the Dark!"

[Zaxon]

And thus we have the perfect description of STS. "Greetings From the Dark!"

Thank you, Shin'Ar. You flatter my humble descriptive abilities.

-Zaxon

[Shin'Ar]

And thus we have the perfect description of STS. "Greetings From the Dark!"

Thank you, Shin'Ar. You flatter my humble descriptive abilities.

-Zaxon

Your quite welcome Zaxon.

I wish all STS oriented people would be as open and honest about their intentions. I may not respect your goals, but I sure as hell respect your honesty.

[Zaxon]

Shin'Ar,

There is no gain in deception where the goal is understanding. I simply attempt to paint the clearest possible picture of myself, in order to attain greater understanding. I am as I am, neither a wicked caricature, nor a beloved antihero. It is not my intent to seduce others into the dark, from their natural path. Those of an STS predilection will find their way on that path one way or another, without any help from me. There are those who stare into the night and see a boogeyman that sends them running towards the light. Others smile into the abyss and greet it as an old lover and friend, welcoming its glorious challenge. Where you see STS society as a hellish battle for supremacy, with every entity vying for domination of the other, I see a spiritual Agoge, where all that is superfluous and weak is rooted out and the self is honed to the finest point of will and being. While you may find this repugnant and cruel, I no less find the idea of an STO society nauseating and stagnant.

-Zaxon

[Shin'Ar]

Well we have an understanding and transparency between us.

But I think it a little naive of you to suggest that there are not those who practise STS that deliberately attempt to draw others into it, although I do agree that as you said many who seek that orientation will get there on their own anyway. Still, there is some agenda that many STS have for bringing sheep into that flock and we both know it. And in that regard, where some are decieved and not taught the truth, which you reveal in your clarity and transparency, it is the obligation of those who love them and care for them to ensure that they are made aware of the deception.

If you would Zaxon, exactly what is it about an STO society that repulses you so? Why did you use the term stagnant, when in reality STO is actually the quicker path to higher density?

[Lulu]

Lulu,

I view the STS and STO paths as differing approaches to learning and understanding the Creator. Those who walk the STO path best understand the Creator through knowing and helping others, those who walk the STS path understand the Creator primarily through understanding and aggrandizing the self. Once one attains near perfect understanding of the Creator, either through understanding of self or others, polarity may be abandoned. Until that time, however, it is through polarization that we learn and move forward.

As a seeker on the path I understand that you are in search for answers. There is perhaps a part of you that hopes if not expects that there will be one who has all the answers that will satisfy long held curiosities. I believe all seekers have experienced this. However, there is no mystic upon the mountain to dispense wisdom. To find truth you must look within. You have all the answers. You are the mystic with all the answers you will ever need, but you must be willing to listen to them with a an open and fearless mind.

I do not know if I was walked into, or my true self had merely moved to the background because it could not stand the indignity of infancy. I barely tolerated childhood, and can remember vivid disgust at having a small and frail body that I had little control over.

-Zaxon

I WAS a seeker but there eventually comes along an understanding through personal experiences that we live in a universe that will provide every next truth that we are ready to believe. We are being led into ideas by the being/s that "work with" us. Because there are as many spirits in the universe as beings who have ever lived, there are ample opportunities for us to be provided with syncronicity so that we can then latch onto an idea/belief. Beliefs from "I am meant to be a Healer" to "I am here to take humanity to a Galactic Level" to "I am here to Polarize others who are non-polarized, in service to the creator". Once this happens, they can then use us in that position for their cause/agendas around their beliefs.

note: please change up the wording to something else if you don't like the word "spirits". Multi-dimensional selves, ancestors etc.

Consider that we are in a sense taking a bribe from these beings/spirits. For example there are many people right now who believe they are "Jesus" reincarnated. Beings/spririts with a big agenda can find perfect use from someone who is willing to be hooked into with this belief.

It doesn't take that much to convince someone, with some good imagery and downloads of nails going through the feet along with other memories that "I am Jesus" including teachings and visits with "God" and other constant spirit communication that can soon convince one "I am Jesus, it must be true!". Behind the new Jesus teachings, lies yet another agenda. A powerful spirit can easily create this as the free will is activated little by little upon influence.

So as for seeking --there is nothing left for me to seek in the larger sense. I do not wish to be here as purpose is without purpose. I personally experienced the levels of interaction, manipulation and influence in our universe; every being and soul that has ever lived wishes to "work with" us or influence us or to help us to some degree.

In my old "positive before "awakening" self I might have seen it as a fun spirit world that wants to "play" with us, and attracted that. It's too late for me to see it that way, I know too much.

I accidentally opened a portal to more than I consciously intended. The hook/bribe for me was "soulmate" and with enough synchronicity I was quickly broken down, confused, tormented and taken on quite a journey of realizations. Of course with the bad comes the good and I was also able to gather up the parts of my soul, long since missing.

I am often angry at the spirits who through their own agenda, damaged me causing an abrupt "awakening". I would not wish that upon my own child, nor would I wish that upon anyone I loved. What was done to me was not in Love, it was from an idea (just like yours) that this what needs to be done in service to the creator. It is not different then your judgement at the evangelistic behavior of another. By doing this "help" by "polarizing" others you yourself are hooked into a "belief" that you are "helping" the creator by causing this polarization.

May I share with you the polarization that I believe your group is seeking to understand that is behind the one you are or were projecting onto others?

I'll begin by mentioning your INTJ scores which you indicated were 80% to 100%, quite unbalanced from my view. Certainly it could be seen as genius too.

Perhaps the balance to it is that lost part of your Soul. Bare with me while I attempt to explain. It is my understanding that we have a very active "spirit body" which resides for the most part, in our "physical self" while we are awake, such as during daytime. Because of our emotional injuries we also have gaps, where other spirits can easily enter and/or at least influence us. It's a constant heavenly and not-so heavenly host of beings attracted to us constantly. We are being influenced from a simple thing of which route we take to work, and then experiencing a traffic jam and being late OR a joy ride with green lights all the way. This depending on what we are attracting in our vibration which is how the spirits are joining with us.

I'll now present a more extreme example so that it can more obviously be seen. For example: A person can have absolutely no memory of killing a powerful political person. This is because at the time they were under the severe influence of spirits with a particular agenda who in this case were in the political arena. The gaps to use the assassin, are there from emotional blockages. Drugs use is a product of emotional blockage and create great gaps too. The drugs in itself is an agenda formed from certain spirit groups to use others. Meanwhile the assassin now goes to the looney bin or prison, he is discarded no longer of use to the spirit group that possessed him temporarily for the assassin job. (Jared Loughlin is a good example, he killed an AZ senator and leading up to it became very influenced and possessed by spirits).

Through the emotional blockage, the lineage of spirits gets passed on.

In my view your personal INTJ score could be indicative that you have or had a severe emotional block from a very early point in childhood. Your real "awakening" may not be complete. Something happened. During that time, a spirit entered, from the Orion group and offers the extreme intelligence and Mind from it's hive, in a sense, to you for their own purpose and agenda which you are willingly a part of in security of the use of the MIND. You have become partners with them, in STS and creating polarity in others in service to the creator.

Interestingly you mentioned that your only hot-button is a threat of your personal sovereignty. I'm guessing this is because --subconsciously you are not sovereign now. This is also likely the match to the trauma from the Orion group history.

Meanwhile your "spirit body" is split from you and your Soul is left without expression of your total self in this physical from. Your personal spirit body is "acting out" in the spirit world, in other densities as you call it in it's multi-dimensional form. Your personal spirit body is exactly the opposite of who you appear to be in this world. Probably whatever is the INTJ's opposite is, that is your spirit body or something thereof. (However, I am not educated in the least on these codes. I only took the questionnaire yesterday out of curiosity).

It's worth taking note that you stated you also practiced expression in polarizing yourself in STO. I feel this is because you finally did experience your spirit body merging with you in it's polar opposite state. Apparently that indicates it is still alive and well and perhaps this is the balance you now claim you have.

In early childhood, upon entry, your Orion spirit partner WAS horrified at being stuck in a little frail body vs it's powerful multi-dimensional state that it was in prior, this is what he expressed to you as a child and you felt.

Your spirit body, in it's acting out form is or was a very large, very unreasonable, illogical and irrational being/entitiy in and of itself. In it's acting out it took up opposite agendas and spewed them out upon others as combined with your Orion partner in his/your belief of creating polarity and it doesn't matter which one. This in turn creates total confusion in others whom you are "together working with". This goes with Ra's hesitation of sharing the information about the "Law of Confusion". Because creating confusion is the working "gear" that promotes of the agenda of the Orion group.

Furthermore your judgements on evangelical movements are probably a key to seeing yourself if you haven't figured that out already.

What to do about it? If you are still missing parts of your own soul?

You would have to be willing and open to feeling the emotions that were blocked when it began. When you polarize others, you are forcing them to do this!

Somewhere in the block, is the feeling of being unloved. Whatever it is that makes you angry is where you will be able to deepen into this lost emotion/feeling. I have noticed that Orions have a problem with the word Love. Do you feel annoyed if someone tells you "I love you." (?) Did your mother die or abandon you?

Upon accepting it you will be able to MERGE with your soul/spirit/mind. Right now, you are mostly MIND. Orions are proud of this and understand their MIND. They are telepathic and it is MIND oriented. It is in this expression where they feel most "safe".

As a group they were traumatized. Their trauma was a match to yours, that is how you were able to be walked-into. Lineages of the past right into the Oneness. ONE'ness is a part of the belief agendas for the group. As you can see it serves them in that it would protect them from being separated from even you. Who were they separated from that you were also separated from? In there perhaps lies the trauma.

Fortunately everything does eventually serve the creator because as our souls are a compilation of the great creator we cannot help but move towards it. After all our souls are made up of our personal deepest longings and desires.

[Zaxon]

Shin'Ar,

I cannot speak for others, only myself. It may be that those you perceive as having an STS orientation seek to "bring sheep into the flock." However, these attempts would only have the effect of neutralizing and confusing someone who is fundamentally of an STO orientation. None plumb the depths of STS understanding, to the point of achieving harvestability, without knowing exactly what they are getting into. Speaking from my own perspective, I have no need for sheep, save for those that reside on the end of my fork. STS societies are more akin to a pack of wolves, than sheep. Every person I have encountered who is STS inclined has had a somewhat predatory and virulently independent way about them. They are not the sort of people who are lead - they resent anyone who trys to lead them anywhere. Every idea is challenged and disputed until reason dictates only one answer.

The STO society seeks harmonization of self with other-selves. Both the peaks and valleys of a society come to be a consistent plane, as weak are aided by the middling and strong, and the strongest serve all. The self necessarily becomes dissipated into other-selves, as the collective becomes the only possible identity one may have, with each fervently striving towards finding self in other-selves. In this social configuration both the self and individual free will become nominal aspects of the greater communal will and societal identity. As you so often say, the self is an illusion that must be discarded. The STO entity indulges in the illusion that this unity with the societal self is unity with the al encompassing Creator, even though it retains its collective biases and foibles, and remains only an aspect of creation.

The STO oriented person may see this unity with other-selves as desirous, and those who do so are welcome to it. However, to me this society is nothing short of death and slavery, demeaning both free will and the individual as Creator. As the STO society indulges in their illusion of other-selves as Creator, I will indulge in my own, as self as Creator. All are right and all are wrong, and this is the paradox of creation which none can escape until all are truly reunited with Creator. There will come a time, I would agree, when all unify with the Creator in all its aspects and all differences are ameliorated. However, by that time I suspect the differences between self and other-selves will be so few that union is not so repugnant. The STO will say, the STS has finally come to see the light and has switched to STO polarity. The STS will say, the STO has finally come to see that they are themselves the Creator, and needed no one else after all. However, until that time the pantomime goes on.

-Zaxon

[Shin'Ar]

I wish that All could understand what you are so clearly stating Zaxon. I cannot disagree with you. I do not agree with your defintions in every way, but you are definitely aware of the truth of your path.

[Zaxon]

Lulu,

You make some interesting points and observations, though I'm afraid I find little resonation with most of it. I have observed many people with what I would call fragmented selves, they typically are filled with contradictory impulses, irrationality, fragility, and a certain deep longing that they spend much of their lives trying to fill with one thing or another. But I would not characterize it as possession, which is what you seem to indicate. There are those who are estranged from the self, and in viewing the totality for the first time feel that they encounter something alien - but I must admit, this concept of which you speak is foreign to me and seems to violate all concepts of free will.

If there was the kind of trauma you speak of, it must have been before I was born or within the first few months. I have memories dating back to soon after I was born, which were from my current perspective, and were cognitively speaking, before I had any right to remember. Frankly I feel ill at ease talking about the esoteric things you discuss, outside of the pure philosophical aspects. Reason has little foothold in this area, because we deal with things that are quite literally beyond our experiential knowledge. Therefore, there is great opportunity for imagination and intuition to run rampant, without discernment to keep them in check.

I can only respond with any certainty by saying that I am Zaxon, and I am complete and content in and of myself. My mother never left me, nor my father. I had an exceptionally peaceful, loving, and mundane childhood, that was spent largely with puzzles and books. I was an only child and disliked playing with other children, a trait that has continued throughout my life. My parents are good honest people, but I feel no familial affection towards them. We share nothing more than a passing physiological resemblance. My mother has often complained that I raised myself, and by the time I was 8 or 9 I was "raising her." If there is some emotional and irrational aspect of my being floating in the ether, I hope it withers on the vine, as I want no part of it.

-Zaxon

[Lulu]

"...and by the time I was 8 or 9 I was "raising her."
mmm...so she was probably emotionally stunted herself around that age.

Certainly I won't bother to question or comment any further on your condition as my input is non-discerning and useless to you. I'm an INFJ surely we clash as I don't gather and use "information" in the same way that you do.

[Zaxon]

Lulu,

I would concede that she is emotionally stunted. She is an emotional somewhat childish woman, who at 60 reminds me of an adolescent. But to be fair, there are very few people of any age, that I do not find somewhat childish.

Yes, you strike me as strongly "F." Being 100% "T" I understand emotions and their uses, but they are only felt in a muted peripheral way. They bare significance to me only when they are useful, or help me achieve a more perfect understanding of something or someone.

-Zaxon

[Lulu]

Lulu,

I would concede that she is emotionally stunted. She is an emotional somewhat childish woman, who at 60 reminds me of an adolescent. But to be fair, there are very few people of any age, that I do not find somewhat childish.

Yes, you strike me as strongly "F." Being 100% "T" I understand emotions and their uses, but they are only felt in a muted peripheral way. They bare significance to me only when they are useful, or help me achieve a more perfect understanding of something or someone.

-Zaxon

Yes well in protecting ourselves we are a rather emotionally stunted world of humans (?) aren't we?

My parents were both in the Netherlands during the WWII occupation at the tender ages of adolescence. This greatly affected my mother.

I knew she was emotionally stunted so I could have understanding for her actions and behaviors and not take anything personally. However during part of my awakening I was forced (through polarization) to find and feel my own personal emotions regarding these blocked parts of my past. I had to feel the sadness and emotions regarding the fact that I did not "feel" Loved by her. Though I had intellectualized and understood this and why, I had to re-live and "feel the emotions" to allow back that part of my soul.

The Orion group is a part of what seems to me to have come about later as evolving or recreating themselves as the Arcturian's. Do you know them? The way you understand emotions is identical to how they felt to me upon a visit. From the emptiness emotionally that I could feel while there, they don't use or value emotions though they do understand them intellectually. They control any emotional aspect that arises in themselves. Their highest use and value is applying information, reasoning and logic to create greater intelligence. They are aware and controlling in a wise way of how they affect others and their planet. They seem to have created many silent practical rules around what is expected for a synchronicity in peaceful behavior as a society. They are emotionally distant and cold, extremely wise, very disciplined, calculated and shrewd, diplomatic rather then kindly. They are technologically advanced including replicators. The children are well academized. The woman who interacted with me was androgynous feeling to me. I'm not sure how they breed and I don't think they enjoy sexual interaction. Perhaps they found a way to bypass it. I think they have spent a considerable amount of time "dissecting" emotions (?).

Feeling emotions would leave them feeling terribly vulnerable I would imagine. Something they would avoid at all costs in self-protection.

So you intuit blocks of emotions but you don't FEEL them in others correct? A version of that in a deep distortion such as repression of expression of love and so the need to control someone in keeping them in love with them is referred to as a socio-path. I got to learn all about that word on my "awakening" too.

[Zaxon]

Lulu,

My mother was rather lavish with her affections, as was my father. Both were loving, kind and perhaps overly indulgent. I have often regretted not having had a more structured and disciplined childhood. I taught myself as much as I could, but many hours were lost in idleness that could have been spent learning and refining skills and abilities.

I am aware of the Arcturians, though this is the first Orion connection I have encountered. I have simply never understood the utility of emotions, other than their use with regard to the emotional. My personal experience of them has always been from a third person perspective, as a physiological process that the larger part of my awareness merely observes. When I hone in on a person I can easily discern what they are feeling in a palpable empathic sense. However, as with my own subdued emotions, my awareness remains separate and unaffected by the experience.

I may be wrong, but I get the sense that you are projecting your encounter with another person onto your expectations of who I am. Outside of my specific objectives, I have little use for people, and do not bother with them either to control them or require their love. My mate and I share mutual affection and understanding, and have reached a mutually advantageous agreement to share portions of our lives. I trust her implicitly as an extension of self. In that complete trust and understanding, I find no need to control her or violate her free will. She is free to terminate our association at any time. I see no utility in having her affection to justify machinations and control.

-Zaxon