01-21-2012, 02:11 PM
A preface: now, having read everything on the screen, circumstances written united, I understand that many may not believe. It looks more like a screen play, but all this happened, it was real.
Childhood
December, 1984. Christmas time. First my parents heard me talking to them when I was two weeks old. They were frightened, cause it could not happen, they thought, and I kept silent till the age when normal children start chatting. I don’t remember about this, actually. First thing I remember is that I’m in my bed watching the ceiling and thinking this world around is awkward at the age of one and a half. My mom said her idea was to call me Anastasia, but then she chose Oxana (Xana), from Greek meaning Stranger, Wanderer. Till the age of 5-6 years I had an ability to see past lives… probably, not all of them were mine, probably not past but future. Before sleeping I was lying in my bed with eyes closed, watching it as a movie. I called it for myself “to dream stories”. Once I told my parents that came from a distant planet among the stars and they were frightened again. I tried thinking as others do. I succeeded. At the age of 5 something happened to me, I remember only that realized I can change nothing here and I was terrified. Remember an old lady looking at me in the shop. I disliked her at first sight. But to some reason, I could not tell my mom, what happened. She said, I fell down to the floor in the shop and cried as if felt pain. I remember the pain not of the body but inside, like a despair, like knowledge that all will be in vain and I have to see it (after having read The Law of One books I would probably call this a kind of psychic greeting). After that day I had a kind of neurosis and my mom took me to a doctor, she said there’s no reason for that, health state is ok. I preferred being alone, was afraid of contacts with most people feeling insecure with someone but my family. At my six parents didn’t know how to get me to school. I remember a boy two times older than me, he entered my life as an open space, and brought some sudden relief. He was nice and kept silent most time, he came to me once a week with slidefilms with him, we were watching, silent, and I felt really secure. Then his family moved to some other place, but before, he managed to help me somehow. There was always a warm feeling from that person. The world was cold.
War. Becoming a refugee
December, 1994. War began after I just celebrated my 10th birthday. We’ve been living in Grozny, Chechnya, and there were lots of things to show that something like that may happen, but we were staying there to some reasons. It was a 1995 new year night when Russian army entered the city. It was a long period of 8 months when we had to escape to the cellar for bombardment time several times a day. People, both muslim and Christian, gathered together in the cellars under their houses and prayed, and somehow helped each other. That time I understood that language and religion doesn’t mean much, there’s something inside that makes people equal, there’s a kind of inner belief that helps. I’ve had a confidence my family will survive. That time my strange dreams began. From time to time, once or twice a week, I saw a dream in which a personified Death looking like old lady with red eyes tried to reach me, and felt uncontrolled fear. When there was no way to escape the plot turned to one and the same point and I met a blond guy helping me to escape from that creature. I felt like knowing him for a very long time when dreaming.
In August we found the opportunity to move to Russia. It was a long way full of difficulties, lack of food, lack of money, in the goods van, but no war actions around, anymore!
AlieNation
Since August, 1995. First years in Russia were extreme. Constant lack of money. No property. Efforts. Difficulties with finding a job which my parents faced, misunderstanding at school, for me. I felt not belonging, but this was not a surprise, this was how I felt all my life. I was not looking for friendship of others cause knew that real friendship is possible with those who can understand each other and that time I was hopeless finding such people, thinking I am alone, of that kind. Children took me as a stranger, sometimes I had a desire to cry out “Hey! I am Russian like you! I speak same language! What’s wrong?” but kept silent. Actually, I was not like them. I had a German surname, came from a hot spot, felt different and thought different. Thus, I read books instead. From time to time I saw the blond guy when sleeping. He showed me things, places, told me some information I was not able to realize that time. He was a true friend not existing in reality. I had no problems at school, as a perfect student. But felt unbearable staying there every day for some hours because the feeling of alienation was deeper among others. Alienation and alien nation. I realized that time, wherever I am, I am a stranger, not belonging. That brought sadness.
The UFO thing
May, 2000. At the age of 15, at a school festival we saw them. Our school students, teachers, school director gathered at a school yard. Director started his speech and suddenly the electric equipment switched off. Two first year students blacked out and were taken to medical room. Me and my friends felt awkward, I felt giddiness and for some reason looked into the sky. Two similar things were there high in the sky, above the school yard, they looked distant but huge, metallic.
Here is the picture of one of those things.
![[Image: 73241236_UFO.JPG]](http://img0.liveinternet.ru/images/attach/c/2/73/241/73241236_UFO.JPG)
Some students and parents tried to make a picture. In a minute, almost everyone was looking into the sky. Next five minutes I don’t remember, but after they passed, we were not aware of what happened. As if nothing happened to us. The recollection disappeared as if part of a memory was taken out of our minds.
How do you remember now, you may ask.
Well… I remembered in half a year. It came suddenly when watching The X Files. Something in the film took the recollection out of subconsciousness as a hook. I’ve seen those lost minutes in my mind as if someone copy-pasted them back.
Ok, I’ve drawn a picture of a ufo, put down everything about those lost minutes. What was logical next step? Sure, asking others. But their answers after me showing a drawing disappointed me. Some of them said they don’t remember, others that they remember something like that but not really sure it looked precisely as I’ve drawn it. But all of them were NOT INTERESTED! As if nothing happened to them. That made me understand – nothing happened to THEM, but something definitely happened to ME. I will never be the same, and all hidden knowledge of the world much brighter and much bigger, kept deep inside, now was revealed.
11 years research
So I began my research. All information that could be found was found. I talked to pilots and showed the picture. Hey didn’t know what it was but they brought me to the glider club and I became a glider pilot. I read books by mr Richard Bach and felt as if I found a new friend, his thoughts were similar. Simultaneously, there came a burning desire to write a book. I wrote short stories and poems before, it was a kind of escapism for me, but this was planned as a completely different thing. This book was a story told by those from the stars, I knew, it appeared inside my mind and kept on living and developing. I’ve been writing it during these 11 years and now at the age of 27, almost finished. The way of research was convulsive. Years of wandering around one and the same “tree”, then a sudden break through and new information. Then more years of numbness. At the age of 18 there came another psychic greeting. It was a dream when I realized myself lying on the bed in the room of a castle (somehow I knew it was a castle) with stone walls and big wooden door, locked. There was a window in the room without any frame and glass, just a hole in the wall, and I saw the full moon in the sky and felt Something was going to fly into the room. Something was gonna come for me. It came, a bat flew into the room and sat down to my neck, its teeth biting my skin. I could know its thoughts: “Good girl, be calm, and we will finish faster, this will change you and you won’t be the same, things will get easier, I promise”. Fear penetrated me through but I knew I must get rid of It and stop the contact or else… something awful may happen. It was extremely difficult to raise a hand but I coped and, holding the body of the bat in my fingers, tore it off my neck. Its thoughts cried “What are you doing?? I’ve not finished!!! Stupid thing” and I woke up in my bed, with my hand near my neck holding something… no, nothing, but the hand “remembered” the feeling of holding that creature. The dream seemed too real. I came to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I was very pale with two small holes on my neck. Not a surprise, but I felt tired, so went back to bed and slept till the afternoon. When I woke up again, there was nothing on my neck to know the dream was real.
At the age of 20 I wrote an e-mail to UFOlats, a group of ufo researchers in Latvia, and told them the ufo observation story. The answer was that it could definitely be a positive contact, but the shape of the ufo drawn by me never seen before by anyone, never reported. That was strange to me.
At my 22 we came to a countryside house owned by our family with my boyfriend and I decided to show him one strange place in the forest near the village, locals kept on thinking this place was “forbidden” to visit and never go there. When walking, I told him some strange stories that happened to me, including the ufo observation, he called me mentally ill and said that he is an engineer and does not believe stupid childish stories and will believe that ufos exist only if he sees himself. We came to the place. I was offended with what he said and thought emotionally, “please, please, let him SEE”. We sat on the grass, he kept on laughing at the story and saw a light spot in the sky, he said “Oh, Xana, look, this is a ufo!!! But I will tell you its name! Passenger TU-134 aircraft!” Suddenly the light spot turned red. Then doubled. Then tripled. Those three things began to hover above our heads high in the evening skies as planes never do. They stopped, disappeared and appeared again and moved with such angles planes are not able to. He was terrified. He cried “hey, what’s the fu**?! What is it?” I laughed and answered “May be this is a Passenger TU-134 aircraft, darling”.
Ok, friends, just tired typing
I will finish the story later on, there’s more, about the Law of One coming to enlighten the understanding...
Childhood
December, 1984. Christmas time. First my parents heard me talking to them when I was two weeks old. They were frightened, cause it could not happen, they thought, and I kept silent till the age when normal children start chatting. I don’t remember about this, actually. First thing I remember is that I’m in my bed watching the ceiling and thinking this world around is awkward at the age of one and a half. My mom said her idea was to call me Anastasia, but then she chose Oxana (Xana), from Greek meaning Stranger, Wanderer. Till the age of 5-6 years I had an ability to see past lives… probably, not all of them were mine, probably not past but future. Before sleeping I was lying in my bed with eyes closed, watching it as a movie. I called it for myself “to dream stories”. Once I told my parents that came from a distant planet among the stars and they were frightened again. I tried thinking as others do. I succeeded. At the age of 5 something happened to me, I remember only that realized I can change nothing here and I was terrified. Remember an old lady looking at me in the shop. I disliked her at first sight. But to some reason, I could not tell my mom, what happened. She said, I fell down to the floor in the shop and cried as if felt pain. I remember the pain not of the body but inside, like a despair, like knowledge that all will be in vain and I have to see it (after having read The Law of One books I would probably call this a kind of psychic greeting). After that day I had a kind of neurosis and my mom took me to a doctor, she said there’s no reason for that, health state is ok. I preferred being alone, was afraid of contacts with most people feeling insecure with someone but my family. At my six parents didn’t know how to get me to school. I remember a boy two times older than me, he entered my life as an open space, and brought some sudden relief. He was nice and kept silent most time, he came to me once a week with slidefilms with him, we were watching, silent, and I felt really secure. Then his family moved to some other place, but before, he managed to help me somehow. There was always a warm feeling from that person. The world was cold.
War. Becoming a refugee
December, 1994. War began after I just celebrated my 10th birthday. We’ve been living in Grozny, Chechnya, and there were lots of things to show that something like that may happen, but we were staying there to some reasons. It was a 1995 new year night when Russian army entered the city. It was a long period of 8 months when we had to escape to the cellar for bombardment time several times a day. People, both muslim and Christian, gathered together in the cellars under their houses and prayed, and somehow helped each other. That time I understood that language and religion doesn’t mean much, there’s something inside that makes people equal, there’s a kind of inner belief that helps. I’ve had a confidence my family will survive. That time my strange dreams began. From time to time, once or twice a week, I saw a dream in which a personified Death looking like old lady with red eyes tried to reach me, and felt uncontrolled fear. When there was no way to escape the plot turned to one and the same point and I met a blond guy helping me to escape from that creature. I felt like knowing him for a very long time when dreaming.
In August we found the opportunity to move to Russia. It was a long way full of difficulties, lack of food, lack of money, in the goods van, but no war actions around, anymore!
AlieNation
Since August, 1995. First years in Russia were extreme. Constant lack of money. No property. Efforts. Difficulties with finding a job which my parents faced, misunderstanding at school, for me. I felt not belonging, but this was not a surprise, this was how I felt all my life. I was not looking for friendship of others cause knew that real friendship is possible with those who can understand each other and that time I was hopeless finding such people, thinking I am alone, of that kind. Children took me as a stranger, sometimes I had a desire to cry out “Hey! I am Russian like you! I speak same language! What’s wrong?” but kept silent. Actually, I was not like them. I had a German surname, came from a hot spot, felt different and thought different. Thus, I read books instead. From time to time I saw the blond guy when sleeping. He showed me things, places, told me some information I was not able to realize that time. He was a true friend not existing in reality. I had no problems at school, as a perfect student. But felt unbearable staying there every day for some hours because the feeling of alienation was deeper among others. Alienation and alien nation. I realized that time, wherever I am, I am a stranger, not belonging. That brought sadness.
The UFO thing
May, 2000. At the age of 15, at a school festival we saw them. Our school students, teachers, school director gathered at a school yard. Director started his speech and suddenly the electric equipment switched off. Two first year students blacked out and were taken to medical room. Me and my friends felt awkward, I felt giddiness and for some reason looked into the sky. Two similar things were there high in the sky, above the school yard, they looked distant but huge, metallic.
Here is the picture of one of those things.
Some students and parents tried to make a picture. In a minute, almost everyone was looking into the sky. Next five minutes I don’t remember, but after they passed, we were not aware of what happened. As if nothing happened to us. The recollection disappeared as if part of a memory was taken out of our minds.
How do you remember now, you may ask.
Well… I remembered in half a year. It came suddenly when watching The X Files. Something in the film took the recollection out of subconsciousness as a hook. I’ve seen those lost minutes in my mind as if someone copy-pasted them back.
Ok, I’ve drawn a picture of a ufo, put down everything about those lost minutes. What was logical next step? Sure, asking others. But their answers after me showing a drawing disappointed me. Some of them said they don’t remember, others that they remember something like that but not really sure it looked precisely as I’ve drawn it. But all of them were NOT INTERESTED! As if nothing happened to them. That made me understand – nothing happened to THEM, but something definitely happened to ME. I will never be the same, and all hidden knowledge of the world much brighter and much bigger, kept deep inside, now was revealed.
11 years research
So I began my research. All information that could be found was found. I talked to pilots and showed the picture. Hey didn’t know what it was but they brought me to the glider club and I became a glider pilot. I read books by mr Richard Bach and felt as if I found a new friend, his thoughts were similar. Simultaneously, there came a burning desire to write a book. I wrote short stories and poems before, it was a kind of escapism for me, but this was planned as a completely different thing. This book was a story told by those from the stars, I knew, it appeared inside my mind and kept on living and developing. I’ve been writing it during these 11 years and now at the age of 27, almost finished. The way of research was convulsive. Years of wandering around one and the same “tree”, then a sudden break through and new information. Then more years of numbness. At the age of 18 there came another psychic greeting. It was a dream when I realized myself lying on the bed in the room of a castle (somehow I knew it was a castle) with stone walls and big wooden door, locked. There was a window in the room without any frame and glass, just a hole in the wall, and I saw the full moon in the sky and felt Something was going to fly into the room. Something was gonna come for me. It came, a bat flew into the room and sat down to my neck, its teeth biting my skin. I could know its thoughts: “Good girl, be calm, and we will finish faster, this will change you and you won’t be the same, things will get easier, I promise”. Fear penetrated me through but I knew I must get rid of It and stop the contact or else… something awful may happen. It was extremely difficult to raise a hand but I coped and, holding the body of the bat in my fingers, tore it off my neck. Its thoughts cried “What are you doing?? I’ve not finished!!! Stupid thing” and I woke up in my bed, with my hand near my neck holding something… no, nothing, but the hand “remembered” the feeling of holding that creature. The dream seemed too real. I came to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I was very pale with two small holes on my neck. Not a surprise, but I felt tired, so went back to bed and slept till the afternoon. When I woke up again, there was nothing on my neck to know the dream was real.
At the age of 20 I wrote an e-mail to UFOlats, a group of ufo researchers in Latvia, and told them the ufo observation story. The answer was that it could definitely be a positive contact, but the shape of the ufo drawn by me never seen before by anyone, never reported. That was strange to me.
At my 22 we came to a countryside house owned by our family with my boyfriend and I decided to show him one strange place in the forest near the village, locals kept on thinking this place was “forbidden” to visit and never go there. When walking, I told him some strange stories that happened to me, including the ufo observation, he called me mentally ill and said that he is an engineer and does not believe stupid childish stories and will believe that ufos exist only if he sees himself. We came to the place. I was offended with what he said and thought emotionally, “please, please, let him SEE”. We sat on the grass, he kept on laughing at the story and saw a light spot in the sky, he said “Oh, Xana, look, this is a ufo!!! But I will tell you its name! Passenger TU-134 aircraft!” Suddenly the light spot turned red. Then doubled. Then tripled. Those three things began to hover above our heads high in the evening skies as planes never do. They stopped, disappeared and appeared again and moved with such angles planes are not able to. He was terrified. He cried “hey, what’s the fu**?! What is it?” I laughed and answered “May be this is a Passenger TU-134 aircraft, darling”.
Ok, friends, just tired typing
I will finish the story later on, there’s more, about the Law of One coming to enlighten the understanding...
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)
or thinking that "Amicus mihi Plato, sed magis amica Veritas". We had two different type of truth... unfortunately![[Image: moya-model-kartiny-mira.jpg]](http://zdravbud.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/moya-model-kartiny-mira.jpg)
and the story was written on the basis of my diary notes (esp. concerning dream details) 
