My Dark Night of the Soul

[kycahi]

i think we should start a thread on this. i tried meds and then woke up. gave up meds, sort of. most pharms are there to dumb us down and make us sick so we buy meds. imo. but everyone does what they feel is best at the time. i don't regret using medication when i felt it was right. it helped when it worked.

---

i take supplements now too. what do you take Ky?

My mental health supplements in no particular order:

• Flaxseed oil (veg for fish oil, Omega 3)
  
• DLPA D-L Phenylalanine
  
• DMAE dimethylaminoethyline
  

The flax oil (also fish oil) provides Omega 3 fatty acid, which helps about 40% of depressive patients. Besides lifting me off of rock bottom (including suicidal thoughts), it improves my overnight sleep. I take one four times a day: pre-breakfast and -lunch, mid-afternoon and bedtime.

The D-L phenylalanine is supposed to promote the neurotransmitter nor epinephrine. It helps me two ways. I take it at bedtime because it makes drowsy. Then the next day my mood is better.

DMAE is a mood improver and also contributes to a youthful appearance by reducing wrinkles.

My symptoms indicate that I am very low in the neurotransmitter dopamine. I probably also am low in nor epinephrine, because I took the prescription drug desipramine, known to increase that, for a big improvement. I had to stop it because of side effects, so now I use the DLPA for that.

The supplement L-Tyrosine is supposed to improve dopamine, but I use prescription bupropion for that.

I emphasize that this is MY regimen and it might not do you much good. At different times I tried two classic anti-depressant SSRI drugs, to enhance the neurotransmitter serotonin. Both made my sleepiness worse. Because the supplement St. Johns Wort also made me sleepy, perhaps it increases serotonin. Low serotonin level is the usual cause of depression.

Depressive disorder tends (think of the bell-shaped curve) to make females sad and tends to make males have low energy. If this is you or your partner, please take steps to correct it. Those steps can include exercise, human interaction, laughter and a change of diet (maybe eliminate, maybe add).

[GreatSpirit]

After I went into the hospital in 2008, they prescribed me some of that Abilify. Big mistake. It made me totally restless and they had to give me a medication to counter the effects of the Abilify. A med for a med??? I don't think so. I felt a little bit better, but I feel meds prescribed by a doctor in league with the pharmaceutical companies is not the way for me.

I can deal with being alone and anti-social and depressed. I've had years of practice but I can do it. I guess my real problem is that I don't have a job now and I'm financially strapped. I hate doing meaningless work and I despise the 9-5 rat race routine, but I have altogether $15. Ironic I can deal with all that, but I can't deal with finances. Unfortunately, the world is run on money and its very sad.

I'm honestly terrified to go back to work because people terrify me, especially the public. It's like I already paid my dues dealing with snotty and ignorant people when I worked at Wal-Mart and the call center. It's not that I am that lazy. I just hate dealing with crappy miserable people who have nothing better to do than b**** at a complete stranger over something that is usually so minute and trivial.

I just feel that if I have to slave away being yelled and cursed in front of the public just to make 8-9 dollars an hour to eek my way through life, then thats a life not worth living at all, especially for one who worked their ass off in college to get a degree writing meaningless papers that never got me anywhere in the long run. But lock me in a room by myself, put me on auto-pilot doing the same easy random work and pay me 10-11 dollars an hour and I'll be fine as long as I don't have to deal with people or BS. Many of you would say that thats insane, but I don't do well with stress at work. My life is already crappy, so why should work make it even more crappier? It's like the Universe saying, "ok, we'll give you a job. But we're going to still make you broke and on top of that, we're going to have you deal with the meanest people around!! ahaha!!!"

All I ask from God right now is just to approve my unemployment (which I believe I deserve anyway!) so I can have some peace of mind. At this point, there really isn't anything anyone can do for me.

[Lorna]

What you write reminds me so much of a very dear friend, he also suffered/s with depression for many years and worked for a long, long time in bar and fast food stores. Once he finally released his anger he landed his dream job teaching English overseas - it took him about 12 years to make that happen. I would urge you to focus on visualising what you do want, avoid thinking about what you don't want. You're right, there isn't anything that anyone can do for you right now, this is a process and a period of growth you need to work through, a rich period of learning. No matter how hopeless your situation feels right now remembering that 'this too will pass' may help to take the sting out of it x

[unity100]

After I went into the hospital in 2008, they prescribed me some of that Abilify. Big mistake. It made me totally restless and they had to give me a medication to counter the effects of the Abilify. A med for a med??? I don't think so. I felt a little bit better, but I feel meds prescribed by a doctor in league with the pharmaceutical companies is not the way for me.

I can deal with being alone and anti-social and depressed. I've had years of practice but I can do it. I guess my real problem is that I don't have a job now and I'm financially strapped. I hate doing meaningless work and I despise the 9-5 rat race routine, but I have altogether $15. Ironic I can deal with all that, but I can't deal with finances. Unfortunately, the world is run on money and its very sad.

I'm honestly terrified to go back to work because people terrify me, especially the public. It's like I already paid my dues dealing with snotty and ignorant people when I worked at Wal-Mart and the call center. It's not that I am that lazy. I just hate dealing with crappy miserable people who have nothing better to do than b!tch at a complete stranger over something that is usually so minute and trivial.

I just feel that if I have to slave away being yelled and cursed in front of the public just to make 8-9 dollars an hour to eek my way through life, then thats a life not worth living at all, especially for one who worked their a$$ off in college to get a degree writing meaningless papers that never got me anywhere in the long run. But lock me in a room by myself, put me on auto-pilot doing the same easy random work and pay me 10-11 dollars an hour and I'll be fine as long as I don't have to deal with people or BS. Many of you would say that thats insane, but I don't do well with stress at work. My life is already crappy, so why should work make it even more crappier? It's like the Universe saying, "ok, we'll give you a job. But we're going to still make you broke and on top of that, we're going to have you deal with the meanest people around!! ahaha!!!"

All I ask from God right now is just to approve my unemployment (which I believe I deserve anyway!) so I can have some peace of mind. At this point, there really isn't anything anyone can do for me.

have you checked the links i have given ?

[AnthroHeart]

GreatSpirit, I was put on Saphris before, which is comparable to Abilify, though it's sublingual. That was after I had my "mental breakdown" which was an awakening for me. They kept me on it for 5 months before I took myself off. I was also on Risperdal as well to counter the jittery feelings I felt.

I do believe at first it was needed because I went so far out that I lost track of reality, thinking I was in 4D. I'd watch movies and I'd see them differently than everyone else, and heard Ra talking to me. It was funny because one movie me, my dad and stepmom watched made no sense to me. I asked Ra in my mind if it made sense to my parents and Ra told me "they're not really there". I guess in a sense it was true but I felt they were. It was some crazy times but definitely fulfilling for me. I guess that time was my dark night of the soul because I had some extreme fears where I lost control of my mind.

[yossarian]

Is this a joke?

Not at all, I think that most 'standard' therapists use out-dated paradigms regarding consciousness and the mind, and have no idea, at all, about the spiritual nature of catalyst and the nature of time.

Well that applies to pretty much everyone doesn't it.

There are many cases in which subjects have been with the same therapist for years, with little improvement. Some have even caused further damage by perpetually referencing the (painful) past before the subject is mentally/emotionally ready to do so. There are also cases in which the subject becomes addicted/dependant upon therapy.

It's not a panacea and there are tragedies, just like any endeavor. Doctors save some lives but often fail. That's life!

In my personal opinion, there are better options. Hypnotherapy, for example, along with guidance from a person who has a balanced understanding of both scientific and spiritual aspects of consciousness/mind. Treatment can be holistic. Those that practice just one side of the coin, as such, are oblivious to much wisdom.

Most modern psychologists take a holistic point of view and address both the person as a whole as well as each aspect of the person: meaning physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, social. Psychologists are keenly aware that health in one aspect can help or hurt the other aspects.

It's funny you mention hypnotherapy because that is what Freud started with! He found that it wasn't as effective for his patients because while it allowed them to face their issues while hypnotized, they would have great trouble retaining those insights in their waking life. So he eventually switched to the more lengthy and difficulty free association process. Hypnotherapy gets results for some people but at least Freud and many others have found it is generally less useful than other types of therapy.

Bashar and Abraham also state that learning to accept that the past and future do no exist, and do not define you, is a means to springboard to the place of mental stability that would then entail the reviewing of said memories, but from a more empowered position. I personally find this an invaluable stage in the process, one which is not part of the 'standard' curriculum. They have even said that revisiting the past continually can be of no value whatsoever. I trust those sources. Whether you do or not, is up to you.

Actually a tremendous amount of psychology these days is about transcending your beliefs about the past and realizing that you don't have to be defined by your past.

Traumatic pasts are dealt with in pretty specific ways and modern psychs are trained to be careful not to dwell too much on it.

Anyway your criticisms really just sound like someone with very little contact with the field. You've heard a few horror stories but beyond that never really delved into how psychology is done these days.

By the way, for the record, pretty much no one uses Freudian psychoanalysis anymore.

---

I have always wondered why therapy education doesn't take into account the very psychological relationship between therapist and patient.

The very first paper published on psychoanalysis talked about how important the relationship between therapist and patient is, and how it is tricky and influences the therapy and stuff. Transference and countertransference were "invented" in 1896. Psychology itself was only founded in 1881!

So basically... they do take that into account! Whether they succeed is a deeper question but there isn't a therapist in the last 100 years who has not considered the effect the "very psychological relationships" between therapist and patient to be highly important.

[3DMonkey]

My take really applies to the following.

Most modern psychologists take a holistic point of view and address both the person as a whole as well as each aspect of the person: meaning physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, social. Psychologists are keenly aware that health in one aspect can help or hurt the other aspects.

It is the idea that the therapist is not experiencing these very same things themselves whilst applying their profession for the others' benefit. 'Round and round we go, where it stops no one knows.'



I'm certainly not arguing for OR against. I'm basically saying that any therapist would absolutely have their hands full with me.... (light bulb) Anyone interesting in making a documentary to see how many therapists I could get to recommend me to someone else? 'How many therapists does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

[GreatSpirit]

I have, but in all honesty, I don't have any ambition to find a job right now. I feel like such a fool listening to my parents telling me to take that job that I got transferred to after I got laid off. My own supervisor told me to just take unemployment!

I don't know whats going to happen to me, but I'm not begging for handouts and I am not degrading myself to a service job where I'll get bitched at and made fun of, just like Wal-Mart. I'll have to give my cat to my parents because I can't feed him and my parents are remodeling their house so there is no room for me and my belongings there, and they are the last ones who want me back there. I really don't get along with my step-father so I can't go back.

The rent isn't getting paid for October so I'll get a nice eviction notice in a few weeks as well.

I don't even care anymore. I just want my cat to have a good home. He's the only thing that brought me real joy. I just don't care.....f*ck-it all.

have you checked the links i have given ?

[yossarian]

It is the idea that the therapist is not experiencing these very same things themselves whilst applying their profession for the others' benefit. 'Round and round we go, where it stops no one knows.'

Most therapists agree with you though. Most therapists do recognize that they are constantly and inescapably affected by the therapy process and by their patients. It's like the #1 challenge of the therapist to creatively manage this situation to be the best therapist they can be.

The therapist is using their own beingness as a tool to try and help others. Good therapists are keenly aware of this and their entire focus is on using their tool properly.

I'm basically saying that any therapist would absolutely have their hands full with me.... (light bulb) Anyone interesting in making a documentary to see how many therapists I could get to recommend me to someone else? 'How many therapists does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

The job of giving therapy is to offer yourself as a tool that others can use to help themselves. The therapist is only as useful to you as you make him or her. Like any tool.

I'm sure you would be a challenging patient with challenging issues, but there are plenty of psychologists willing to hang in there with you regardless of how uncomfortable it might be for them. There is nothing wrong with a referral as long as you eventually meet up with someone who is confident and enlightened enough to understand.

Honestly, it sounds like your issues with your mom are being projected on the entire field. So you think all therapists are going to act to like your mom, or that all therapists see you in the way you believe you mom sees you.

The therapy process, if both parties are being sincere, can be extremely uncomfortable and challenging for both people, but that is part of the process. At the very least it is making some good catalyst available.

How many people in the world will talk to you seriously about the Law of One, and are educated and open-minded enough to have meaningful things to say, regardless of whether they believe in it or not? Psychologists are one of the few actual professions where people spend their lives talking about stuff like this. Their entire job is to be able to help you clarify your beliefs including spiritual beliefs, while respecting your free will.

Anyway it's a shame that it has such a bad image because there are few things that are more enlightening in this world than having deep conversations about beliefs, feelings, and patterns of behaviour.

[3DMonkey]

I have, but in all honesty, I don't have any ambition to find a job right now. I feel like such a fool listening to my parents telling me to take that job that I got transferred to after I got laid off. My own supervisor told me to just take unemployment!

I don't know whats going to happen to me, but I'm not begging for handouts and I am not degrading myself to a service job where I'll get bitched at and made fun of, just like Wal-Mart. I'll have to give my cat to my parents because I can't feed him and my parents are remodeling their house so there is no room for me and my belongings there, and they are the last ones who want me back there. I really don't get along with my step-father so I can't go back.

The rent isn't getting paid for October so I'll get a nice eviction notice in a few weeks as well.

I don't even care anymore. I just want my cat to have a good home. He's the only thing that brought me real joy. I just don't care.....f*ck-it all.

have you checked the links i have given ?

Don't do drugs or alcohol. Please.

You will pop out of this in time. It is inevitable. You will.

---

It is the idea that the therapist is not experiencing these very same things themselves whilst applying their profession for the others' benefit. 'Round and round we go, where it stops no one knows.'

Most therapists agree with you though. Most therapists do recognize that they are constantly and inescapably affected by the therapy process and by their patients. It's like the #1 challenge of the therapist to creatively manage this situation to be the best therapist they can be.

The therapist is using their own beingness as a tool to try and help others. Good therapists are keenly aware of this and their entire focus is on using their tool properly.

I'm basically saying that any therapist would absolutely have their hands full with me.... (light bulb) Anyone interesting in making a documentary to see how many therapists I could get to recommend me to someone else? 'How many therapists does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

The job of giving therapy is to offer yourself as a tool that others can use to help themselves. The therapist is only as useful to you as you make him or her. Like any tool.

I'm sure you would be a challenging patient with challenging issues, but there are plenty of psychologists willing to hang in there with you regardless of how uncomfortable it might be for them. There is nothing wrong with a referral as long as you eventually meet up with someone who is confident and enlightened enough to understand.

hahahaha. Ask Bring4th_Monica about that

Honestly, it sounds like your issues with your mom are being projected on the entire field. So you think all therapists are going to act to like your mom, or that all therapists see you in the way you believe you mom sees you.

LOL, no, she just makes a great example of the "profession", i.e. a Masters Degree, LOL. She got it after I was a grown man, ACTUALLY accomplishing what she couldn't. ... If you only knew her....

The therapy process, if both parties are being sincere, can be extremely uncomfortable and challenging for both people, but that is part of the process. At the very least it is making some good catalyst available.

I watched the first season of The Sopranos. I know. .... Oh, and the Kevin Spacey one.. Shrink!.... Oh, yeah, Six Feet Under was a good "shrink" representation too.

How many people in the world will talk to you seriously about the Law of One, and are educated and open-minded enough to have meaningful things to say, regardless of whether they believe in it or not? Psychologists are one of the few actual professions where people spend their lives talking about stuff like this. Their entire job is to be able to help you clarify your beliefs including spiritual beliefs, while respecting your free will.

Anyway it's a shame that it has such a bad image because there are few things that are more enlightening in this world than having deep conversations about beliefs, feelings, and patterns of behaviour.

We are all therapists. All of us. Some like to think they deserve money for it... to pay off student loans, no doubt

[yossarian]

There's nothing wrong with being paid.
Everyone deserves money. If you're giving undivided attention to 30+ individuals per week you need to be paid for it. Otherwise you wouldn't have the time or energy.

Your replies to me have devolved into just "LOL" which I find pretty dismissive. Maybe you're just out of stuff to say.

The Sopranos shrink was just a lot of bullshit for the sake of the plot. The Kevin Spacey movie was really good and shows how psychiatrists don't know everything, but the good ones I know are well aware they don't know everything. I never saw 6 feet under. It's a shame that most people's information comes from pop culture rather than better sources.

Anyway I really don't understand all the hate for psychology. It's the ONLY socially respectable place people can go to work on real, life-changing issues these days, and while therapists are flawed individuals like anyone, as a whole they do a tremendous amount of positive good.

P.S. Movies do not give good depictions of the therapeutic process. Even the most accurate movies typically have major distortions for the sake of entertainment, e.g. In Treatment which is probably the most accurate show about therapy but has to do big embellishments for the sake of TV.

[3DMonkey]

There is no hate. Just irony. Like your money comment.

yossarian, I don't mean to be combative. Therapy can be a good thing. Simply put, it amuses me when it is given a textbook.

[unity100]

I don't know whats going to happen to me, but I'm not begging for handouts and I am not degrading myself to a service job where I'll get bitched at and made fun of, just like Wal-Mart.

I'll have to give my cat to my parents because I can't feed him and my parents are remodeling their house so there is no room for me and my belongings there, and they are the last ones who want me back there. I really don't get along with my step-father so I can't go back.

#1 dont be ashamed from accepting any kind of help given by good hearted people. accepting what is freely given in good heart with good spirits is a spiritual practice. you get clogged if you refuse the good intentions of others. doesnt have to be your parents.

#2 taking on something temporary until you sort your sh@t out is never a bad decision. its not like you will have bowed down to system. buy enough time.

#3 secure the cat asap

I don't even care anymore. I just want my cat to have a good home. He's the only thing that brought me real joy. I just don't care.....f*ck-it all.

have you checked the links i have given ?

this is not about whether you care or not - its about what you want to do. it is 100% that there are temporal things that you may be wanting to do at this point. if you need to survive until you sort out your spiritual matters, you can find things to do to survive until you sort them out.

i have given you two links. in elance solely, $450 million+ worth of work has been done up till this date in between people. people like you, me, the others.

there are a lot of people who didnt want to do what they were forced to by their circumstances or family or society et al and started taking up the kind of jobs they like by working by themselves. there are writers, consultants, artists, programmers and many other kinds of people there.

its people working with people there. you dont need to bow to anyone or any kind of exploitation scheme. and since you already have varied experience under your belt, you can find something you may want to do in there.

check it out.

http://www.elance.com

writing and translation jobs currently open :

http://www.elance.com/r/jobs/q-writing/c...ranslation

there are even jobs in sub-category of resume and cover letter writing, as an example :

http://www.elance.com/r/jobs/q-writing/c...ters-10240

there are even people looking for people to work as telemarketers :

http://www.elance.com/r/jobs/q-writing/c...ting-12502

openings in finance and accounting :

http://www.elance.com/r/jobs/q-writing/c...management

there is even a job open for having someone draw cartoon illustrations as of this moment :

http://www.elance.com/r/jobs/q-writing/c...mics-12231

the openings in web & programming, and admin support are as usual, endless :

http://www.elance.com/r/jobs/q-writing/c...rogramming
http://www.elance.com/r/jobs/q-writing/c...in-support

......................

there are often people looking for people to employ as permanent, on-site employees.

again, this is not about you care or not, its about what you want to do. decide on what you want to do, and hammer your way until you reach your destination.

[3DMonkey]

P.S. Movies do not give good depictions of the therapeutic process. Even the most accurate movies typically have major distortions for the sake of entertainment, e.g. In Treatment which is probably the most accurate show about therapy but has to do big embellishments for the sake of TV.

The therapy profession does not take into account IQ. ... This is disheartening to me. In all, pure, honesty, therapists, for what their purpose is, can be found in the darnedest places. ... A newborn child (apologies for redundancy here, but I am thinking of hogey11, quite frankly) can sometimes offer more than a textbook educated somebody can. And this is the point that has been brought to attention about the neglected spiritual aspects of the degree-ridden.

[zack231]

Welcome to the forums!

I can relate to you in some instances with the feelings of no one else understanding or caring about what is really going on in the world or the truth about life.. But remember this is their choice as Ra said for those who want to sleep, we can only provide items for sleep.. This means for those who would rather worry about the latest fashion accessory the latest break up or the latest technology (just to name a few) all we can do is provide them with what satisfies them.. You can plant the seeds to help awaken some people or those who you think seem like they are ready but don't expect alot if it is not their time then it is not their time..

In regards to the depression and loneliness do not let this world get you down... It used to really get me down also sure I have always had friends who are pretty good to me and I am not all that shy most of the time.. But I have always felt different in some way.. Even way before I discovered the Law of One I knew there was something different about me.. I just couldnt accept the world like everyone else it just seemed so sad and violent with so many people carring about the most mundane things rather than the beauty of the Universe and everything it encompasses.. They lead themsleves to believe this world is the only life in the universe.. Then there is the truth about things such as 9/11 the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and so on.. People just seemed to be out of touch with everything and have no common sense... But when I found the Law of One at the beginning of this year my life changed for ever I was opened up to something I always knew was there I just had to find it..

I guess what I am saying is don't let this world get you down remember it is all just an illusion and that you should never ever be afraid or embarrased or shy around others because they are you! you should not be afraid of your self so why be afraid of other selves? This is the question I ask myself every time I am in an uneasy situtation or awkward situation.. I am not shy at all any more and I am a much happier person.

Sorry for how long this is but I just wanted to give my input.. Seen as you live alone you might as well take up meditation trust me it will change everything try just meditating for ten minutes everyday and you will see great changes! Any yes the world can get you down but if you remember it is all just an illusion and if you have stumbled upon the Law of One and consciously understand it you are most likely a wanderer..

I am only 18 at the moment and feel as though I cannot do that much as such at the moment to help others as much as I would like to... So I have created a youtube channel and create videos in order to help awaken other and express how I feel it is really helpful and I cannot believe how well my videos have began to do I only made the account two months ago and I have over 500 subscribers and some of my videos have had over 17,000 views! I get people hassling me to make more even if I havent made one for only a couple of weeks lol here is a few of them:








My most popular are my videos I make about Ron Paul because I believe him to be part of the positive change in the world:







Love and Light

We are One

[Meerie]

Ah but I don't think anyone said the shrinks were doing it all wrong! It just so happens that Namaste and a couple of others, including myself had negative experiences, just like yours and yossarians were positive.
To the one seeking advice on how to further proceed it may be useful to hear about both sides, that is all.
As for myself, I have a pretty clear picture of why none of this worked... I have come to understand that in the past I had been relying too much on help from outside. So in order to make me look "inward" outside help was not useful to me anymore.
But that is just me and my personal bias in this incarnation - for someone else, trying to get help and accepting help from others may just be the right thing to do.

What I wanted to say is that by saying that a person, who is in service to the mankind in the way s/he believes is right, doing it wrong, would be doing a disservice to those who seek that kind of vibration and do get help; and to that being.

[yossarian]

P.S. Movies do not give good depictions of the therapeutic process. Even the most accurate movies typically have major distortions for the sake of entertainment, e.g. In Treatment which is probably the most accurate show about therapy but has to do big embellishments for the sake of TV.

The therapy profession does not take into account IQ.

1. This isn't true. IQ and academic performance are strongly correlated and you need high academic performance to become a therapist. The competition is tremendous, straight As are not enough. (The actual IQ metric was originally created specifically to measure academic performance in children in a standardized school setting. Only later on did pop culture turn it into this big number that defines your worth as a human being.)

... This is disheartening to me. In all, pure, honesty, therapists, for what their purpose is, can be found in the darnedest places. ... A newborn child (apologies for redundancy here, but I am thinking of hogey11, quite frankly) can sometimes offer more than a textbook educated somebody can. And this is the point that has been brought to attention about the neglected spiritual aspects of the degree-ridden.

... but newborn babies have low IQs. So which is it? Do therapists need high IQs or don't they?

IQ was invented by psychologists who believed in eugenics and it's a lot of bullshit anyway. Society latched onto the concept and governments promoted it because it's a great way to divide people into elites and non-elites. One of the things my "evil" psych textbooks taught me is that society's obsession with IQ has a lot to do with society wanting to divide people using simple tests and very little to do with anything meaningful or scientific.

Your talk of IQ sounds incredibly elitist. Low IQ people are perfectly capable of having therapeutic personalities.

[kycahi]

After I went into the hospital in 2008, they prescribed me some of that Abilify. Big mistake. It made me totally restless and they had to give me a medication to counter the effects of the Abilify. A med for a med??? I don't think so. I felt a little bit better, but I feel meds prescribed by a doctor in league with the pharmaceutical companies is not the way for me.

I can deal with being alone and anti-social and depressed. I've had years of practice but I can do it. I guess my real problem is that I don't have a job now and I'm financially strapped. I hate doing meaningless work and I despise the 9-5 rat race routine, but I have altogether $15. Ironic I can deal with all that, but I can't deal with finances. Unfortunately, the world is run on money and its very sad.

I'm honestly terrified to go back to work because people terrify me, especially the public. It's like I already paid my dues dealing with snotty and ignorant people when I worked at Wal-Mart and the call center. It's not that I am that lazy. I just hate dealing with crappy miserable people who have nothing better to do than b!tch at a complete stranger over something that is usually so minute and trivial.

I just feel that if I have to slave away being yelled and cursed in front of the public just to make 8-9 dollars an hour to eek my way through life, then thats a life not worth living at all, especially for one who worked their a$$ off in college to get a degree writing meaningless papers that never got me anywhere in the long run. But lock me in a room by myself, put me on auto-pilot doing the same easy random work and pay me 10-11 dollars an hour and I'll be fine as long as I don't have to deal with people or BS. Many of you would say that thats insane, but I don't do well with stress at work. My life is already crappy, so why should work make it even more crappier? It's like the Universe saying, "ok, we'll give you a job. But we're going to still make you broke and on top of that, we're going to have you deal with the meanest people around!! ahaha!!!"

All I ask from God right now is just to approve my unemployment (which I believe I deserve anyway!) so I can have some peace of mind. At this point, there really isn't anything anyone can do for me.

First I have to apologize, Great Spirit, for what I am about to write. It's me and not you.

I have a red telephone in the house to talk with God, but most of the time it doesn't work. This time I picked up the phone and heard, "Hi Lee, what's up?" No ringing sound, no click, just the Magnificent One. "I just want to read you something," I said, "it won't take long." Then I read the above post.

After the third paragraph, the one about the crappy people who have nothing better to do, we both got the giggles. I kept reading, with both of us breaking up, until the end. I was embarrassed at laughing at somebody else's misery, but God said don't be, because "if it made us laugh then the worst is over for this person." Well, I hope that's true!

I asked about approving the unemployment, and God said, "I'm still thinking about it. We'll see." I take that to mean that if you don't get the unemployment, something else good will happen for you. That's kind of what I think'll happen, anyway. This thread has lots of good advice. Follow some of it and let us know. WE ALL CARE, REALLY.

[Ankh]

Ah but I don't think anyone said the shrinks were doing it all wrong!

My applogies, you dear soul. I might have perceived it in that way.

To the one seeking advice on how to further proceed it may be useful to hear about both sides, that is all.

I hope that the both sides got presented here to the one seeking an advice too.

[3DMonkey]

P.S. Movies do not give good depictions of the therapeutic process. Even the most accurate movies typically have major distortions for the sake of entertainment, e.g. In Treatment which is probably the most accurate show about therapy but has to do big embellishments for the sake of TV.

The therapy profession does not take into account IQ.

1. This isn't true. IQ and academic performance are strongly correlated and you need high academic performance to become a therapist. The competition is tremendous, straight As are not enough. (The actual IQ metric was originally created specifically to measure academic performance in children in a standardized school setting. Only later on did pop culture turn it into this big number that defines your worth as a human being.)

... This is disheartening to me. In all, pure, honesty, therapists, for what their purpose is, can be found in the darnedest places. ... A newborn child (apologies for redundancy here, but I am thinking of hogey11, quite frankly) can sometimes offer more than a textbook educated somebody can. And this is the point that has been brought to attention about the neglected spiritual aspects of the degree-ridden.

... but newborn babies have low IQs. So which is it? Do therapists need high IQs or don't they?

IQ was invented by psychologists who believed in eugenics and it's a lot of bullshit anyway. Society latched onto the concept and governments promoted it because it's a great way to divide people into elites and non-elites. One of the things my "evil" psych textbooks taught me is that society's obsession with IQ has a lot to do with society wanting to divide people using simple tests and very little to do with anything meaningful or scientific.

Your talk of IQ sounds incredibly elitist. Low IQ people are perfectly capable of having therapeutic personalities.

Therapy is now a business, but it has always been a natural part of life. A completely uneducated person can be someone's therapeutic "savior". For example, therapists get paid to do a job others have been doing for free all along.

I'm not a fan of standardizing anything. People hide behind that yellow ray administrative label as if they have accomplished something others haven't. I find it ridiculous, then throw in some drugs.... but make sure they are the regulated and governmental approved variety.

[BrownEye]

Depression is potentially inevitable. It’s so much a part of our potential that whole types of music and art are defined by it. Whenever you struggle to the point your strength fails you, you will go into at least a temporary depression.Mostly, we get in trouble with depression, because of our beliefs surrounding the state of being. Our value judgements, or the idea we have or were taught regarding how to deal with depression. Like the idea that trying to forget it will make it get better. Forgetting that our body has needs can wind up making you very dead. Well, your mind has needs also.
One of the needs of the mind is managing your mental and emotional strength. When we strain our muscles so much that they scream in pain, most of us know to stop. We rest a bit and either try the same task again, let our bodies get over the pain, or while we are resting we think of another way to perform that task that doesn’t involve so much strain. This is very natural. But when it comes to the mind, we seem to believe that it should be able to do anything, all of the time, constantly. When the mind begins to hurt what do we do? The mind can indeed hurt. It doesn’t have pain sensors. Mental pain results in the same thing as physical pain does, stiffness.
Most people just push on, in my experience.
Judge it as bad.

Medicate. That seems to be the answer for a lot of things. Medication is very often self sabotage, and institutions only care if society approves of how they handle things.
Rest, meditate, put mind to other parts of your reality to remind you you are not trapped by this depression. This is a good strategy.
Everything on this planet survives and thrives by adapting. What happens if you drive a nail deeply into a tree? It grows around it. Yes. It doesn’t fix it. It doesn’t destroy it. It doesn’t obsess on why a nail was driven into its body.
You put a bucket on it, catch the sap, make maple syrup. Yes. Sometimes you just bleed. It bleeds sap, and our mind bleeds also. It’s called sorrow. We weep.
The tree that doesn’t bend in the storm breaks. You have to be strong enough to be weak. You cannot avoid points of depression in your life, everyone will have them, but with understanding they will be a strength and not a threatening disease.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.
Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~
http://dragonintuitive.com/needs-of-the-mind/

To take depression somewhere useful… A plant grows from its roots. We grow from that lowest of our emotional points, but we can grow. If the forces we choose for ourselves are too harsh, we grow twisted, like a blighted tree. But if we grow from our inner game, we will grow in the true way that is meant for us.Ever notice that children will just sing or drum or play pretend without really intending anything by it? They don’t even have to be taught. Left to their own devices they just find something to do, and the defining factor is joy. It is fun and happiness at being themselves. We all do still have that. We have just ignored it.
Growth isn’t playing simple games your whole life. Growth would have been continuing to play and letting that grow in depth and range with our experience. We don’t as adults have to all go play hide and seek to be wise, but we do need to understand that we can choose that if we want, and realize that we have countless options and even ways of elaborating on that.
We can choose based on what comes naturally to us. Some children don’t play chase games, but sing all day long. Some children build things from sticks and mud. Others don’t try to build anything, but instead draw lines in the dirt. They are all just playing. No game better than any other, but some games are better for them personally. When they share their games with their friends, then everyone’s play is enriched. They can grow from that. What would this be if our adult world didn’t cut itself off from these roots?
A lot more fun. Peaceful. Perhaps more sane as well. Enlightened.
So about depression in summary. You don’t have to go backward, but do it if you really want to in time or space. Likewise, you don’t have to go forward, but do it if you feel drawn forward. If the way forward feels healthy and whole and holy.
You can even go sideways. I like going sideways myself. I do it when, though I know a thing, I ask someone else anyway just to see what they will say about it. This makes for a fuller moment. I like my moments that way. It isn’t just about me in the sideways moment. It’s about me and you also, and on any given day, you can play Ring Around The Rosie. Go all the directions, and fall down at the end of the day when it’s time for bed. Would that be so bad, really?
When you don’t know about a choice, play the Hokie Pokie. Put your right foot in, then take it back out again. That is ok to do. This is why laughter is healing, but laughter is not an idea. It’s not a sound you make with your voice, though it can include that.
Thoughts about depression? Feet! It is indeed all about feet. [Contemplates the holy holey socks.]
I am going to go play a different game now. Enjoy your play my friends. Take care, take fair, and carnival too.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.
Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~
http://dragonintuitive.com/we-can-grow/

[Namaste]

Yossarian, we have different experiences regarding therapy. It's as simple as that, really. Your own experience is positive, and I am genuinely happy for you. It works for many people.

But not everyone. My close family included. Hence, the full spectrum of examples were offered. GreatSpirit can make a more educated decision.

[BrownEye]

IQ and academic performance are strongly correlated

Huh? Academic performance to me is how perfectly you do what you are told. I have a supposed high IQ and a decent paying job without even gaining a 9th grade degree.

I am definitely not good at doing what I am told. I got expelled second day of my freshman year. Boy did I know how to party.

[yossarian]

IQ and academic performance are strongly correlated

Huh? Academic performance to me is how perfectly you do what you are told. I have a supposed high IQ and a decent paying job without even gaining a 9th grade degree.

I am definitely not good at doing what I am told. I got expelled second day of my freshman year. Boy did I know how to party.

If you put as much effort into your schooling as you did for your IQ test you'd get high marks.

People with poor educations and high IQs are just people with no motivation to complete schoolwork but high motivation to complete IQ tests. and of course the ability as well.

By the way, IQ tests were initially designed to measure academic performance up to about grade 7 or 8, like age 14 or so. A 9th grade education would be considered a lot at most times in history. You're mathematically capable and literate - that's more than many American kids have today. Especially black and Hispanic kids from poor or broken families. There are functionally illiterate people getting their diploma right now. It happens a lot.

[GreatSpirit]

I did get helped out today by my friend Deanna. She bought me food to last me for about a week and a half and I was eternally grateful! I appreciate that you care and just having someone around my place to hang out with and talk to was most uplifting.

I also wanted to share some interesting information that I discovered today concerning the comet Elenin. Looking at the trajectory path, Earth will be aligned with Elenin, the Sun, and Mercury around 9/26/11 through 9/27/11.

The point is that there may be a tremendous earthquake on one of those days. I have no idea where, but based on the fact that 3 major earthquakes have happened so far when Earth was aligned with the Sun and Elenin, and usually Mercury when Elenin was approaching the inner solar system. That was the 2/27/10 Chilean earthquake, the 9/4 New Zealand earthquake, and the 3/11 Japan earthquake. It has been said that a comet would not have the gravitational effect to disturb our planet, unless it was some kind of star type object.

I don't want to scare anybody, but it is a legitimate concern that should be looked into. Here is the YouTube link for anyone wanting to watch the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi7wpEIGU...r_embedded#!

I asked about approving the unemployment, and God said, "I'm still thinking about it. We'll see." I take that to mean that if you don't get the unemployment, something else good will happen for you. That's kind of what I think'll happen, anyway. This thread has lots of good advice. Follow some of it and let us know. WE ALL CARE, REALLY.

[Namaste]

Fantastic! Well manifested ;¬)

That gratefulness will draw more of the same to you - stay in that vibration and you'll continue to see how supported you are :¬)

[BrownEye]

a comet would not have the gravitational effect to disturb our planet, unless it was some kind of star type object.

Very interesting indeed. Every time myself or others feel around the object it returns sun or star. But then the fireball with the horns also comes up as a sun or star. Totally confusing for me. It did move at a completely different speed than a meteor though.

[GreatSpirit]

Today was a test of my supporting ability. It was really messed up, but I went to help my friend move his TV from his place that he just moved into. He just said he needed help with a TV, but he was there to clear all of his stuff out. I didn't mind, but OMFG his land lady was nuts!! It was a room he was renting for apparently $400 a month and as we were packing his stuff, his land lady came in his room and started arguing about the rent check and bla bla bla and it just got bad and she wouldn't shut up and he wouldn't shut up.

So I'm just sitting there in the middle out of it all thinking OMG get me out of here and than she called the police because I guess she felt unsafe, and he didn't threaten her at all either. I'm like "now this is BS!!". I carried like one thing down and helped with the TV and than just sat in his car because this lady was on a mission and I refused to go back into that house because of how negative she was. His g/f came to help get the small stuff out.

The cop came and I was sitting in the car, and I swear to God she said on the phone that he was breaking stuff and I'm like whoa so I told the cop what I heard and that it was a total lie. The cop didn't even ask for my ID or anything, and the cop was like "well you have to go to court than"

Nothing happened and the lady was making an ass of out herself in front of the neighborhood. She was foreign too so that made it all more interesting. She wasn't familiar with American laws. lol.

But while we were in there, she asked who I was so I just gave my first name and "I'm a friend helping him move" and she laughed at me. I was wearing my Pantera t-shirt so I probably freaked her out. lol. If she wanted my full information I would've said "ummm no" and asked to be escorted out of the house followed by a call to the police from me. Apparently this lady has called the police many times in the past so they are aware of her.

I felt bad for the lady though because she has no job and bills to pay, so she decided to rent out a room. Well, renting a room is the same as renting a house and an apt and there are tenant laws that apply which have to be followed. She DEF in the wrong business!!! She couldn't even type up a proper lease!! lol.

In short....just don't rent a room and ALWAYS screen landlords as well!

Fantastic! Well manifested ;¬)

That gratefulness will draw more of the same to you - stay in that vibration and you'll continue to see how supported you are :¬)

[Tenet Nosce]

As for being homeless, I honestly don't want to be because the winter is coming up, but I KNOW my mom will try to commit me to the mental hospital. I was there in 2008 because I dealt with my first break up and it wasn't really a fun experience, but my mom will ask me, "are you suicidal" and if I say yes, my a$$ will be in the hospital very quickly. She would do that. Ironic, she is a nurse in a state mental hospital. If I say no, then I'll get a huge a$$ lecture on how I have to work to survive and live comfortably. They are very money oriented people.

Excuse me. I am very sorry to jump in here and reply so directly to you, as we have not been previously acquainted. But are you -sure- that your mom will try to commit you to the mental hospital? This is difficult to explain for me.

Here is a tool you can use to evaluate that belief. I would highly recommend that you use this tool to evaluate the particular belief that your mom will try to commit you to the mental hospital.

Please do this. I have some personal stories and information to share further on this- however it is somewhat academic and I perceive you are in the midst of a breakthrough so there is plenty of time for analysis once you are on the other side.

---

Do yourself a favor. Get a job at McDonald's and spend your last pennies on a shrink. Ask the therapist for a discount since you're poor, they will oblige you.

Pardon, my friend. I know you are meaning to be helpful as you were recently very kind to me during a time of frustration.

However, if I may interject, I personally know of one individual who has been deeply suffering with severe mental issues, including paranoia, suicidal thoughts, and substance abuse. In a past conversation with me he related to me that he was indeed working at McDonald's (he has a degree from a prestigious university) and one day hoped to "push the button for all 8 billion people". I took this to be a reference to fantasizing about global nuclear war. Clearly not a good place to be. This in addition to speaking to me in a "devilish" voice, making covert threats upon me, and harassing me by telephone.

Concerned for my acquaintance, and quite frankly more for myself (I would estimate a 70% STS motivation for my physical safety), I did contact his mother who indicated complete surprise that this individual was not at all well. According to her, he was under therapy and taking his medications. He even had a girlfriend, she was happy to tell me! Apparently the entire family was completely oblivious to his continued suffering.

In my opinion, this individual is in need of deep spiritual healing. I honor your path of psychological investigation which brought you to greater understanding of yourself and empowered you to move beyond some of your personal issues.

However, especially in the case of certain personalities with "peculiar" characteristics, most psychological theories fall somewhat flat in addressing these. Unless... perhaps you know of a therapist familiar with the Law of One?

---

I've been in these types of situations, and the basic truth I've found is that if you continuously focus on the negative, thinking of everything that can go wrong, you will continuously find yourself in a negative situation where everything goes wrong. You are creating that reality for yourself.

I find this to be a wise observation. Curiously, I once had a close friend whom I shared many ideas from the Law of One with. We frequently discussed on spiritual matters, and developed our own "theory" as to the nature of this very phenomenon. Actually it was some time ago in college, and I don't remember exactly what term we coined but it was akin to "false synchronicity" as I referred to in a recent query to Q'uo. The idea being that when one is in such a deeply negative state, the holographic nature of the matrix causes negative events to "line up" and "stack upon" one another, causing the downward spiral to which you referred.

Interestingly, despite my friend being consciously aware of this, he repeatedly succumbed to the phenomenon. As time progressed, he eventually became more paranoid and suicidal and consuming truly heroic amounts of substances. He is the same individual I am referring to in my above post to yossarian.

Here is the query and response:

G: Q’uo, M writes: “Can personal events be metaphysically manipulated by negatively-oriented entities in order to give the outer appearance of synchronicity? If so, how does this demonstrate the Law of One and how can one best discern between true and false synchronicity?

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. My brother, we would say that it is entirely possible that negative entities might be interested in a certain entity and might find it useful to manipulate events so as to create synchronicity that would help to persuade a person to feel that certain thoughts were helpful. As always, those behind the veil, unable to see the true vibrations of unseen friends, must depend upon their powers of observation and discernment.

If an unseen friend of the negative orientation were attempting to persuade you, for instance, that it was a good idea to break free of a relationship or otherwise destabilize your life, it would work only if the person being persuaded wanted that persuasion. Consequently, we would encourage each seeker to look at synchronicities and rather than scooping them up wholesale without thought, look at and ponder the pattern being made by synchronicity. If the pattern is one which does not sit well with you for some reason, we would encourage you to trust that and to lift away from finding importance in such synchronicity.

The principle of the Law of One which bears upon this question is the principle of free will. This instrument, for instance, was once given the negative impression that she could not breathe. Try as she might she could not bring air into her lungs. However, this psychic greeting was unable to be effective because its effect depended upon the instrument panicking and losing faith that all was well.

As it happened, this instrument was well aware of the greeting, as it had been ongoing for some time, and simply walked on, thinking that, probably, eventually she would fall to the ground because there was no more air and that when unconscious the psychic greeting would no longer have an effect and she would regain her ability to breathe. Consequently, there was no fear. And after perhaps a minute of this situation being ongoing it lifted away and was gone.

There is a tremendous amount of play that you have with the steering of your mind. There is a great deal to learn about the discipline that you can exercise over your thoughts. And it is the work of an incarnation to become an artist with perception working with thought in a creative way but not fooling the self; being insightful but not being clever; moving into the verticality of a moment so that it opens up like a flower rather than moving horizontally past the moment in search of a distant goal.

The web of synchronicity is valid and it indeed is offered from all sides that are attracted to you and your situation. It takes discernment to sort out the tremendous richness of information that is coming into you at all times. It is not the work of a moment. It is not the work of a year. It is the work of a lifetime. And we hope that each of you enjoys this carnival ride. Remember, dear ones, that what you see often depends upon how you choose to perceive.

The one known as L spoke recently in a circle like this one of experiencing a concert, first as full of negativity where the words to the songs seemed to be violent and hurtful and the energy of those in the audience seemed to be shallow and driven by substance abuse. Yet she persisted and moved to a level where she was able to see the love pouring out of every heart, every instrument, every note. And her environment changed from an environment of hell to one of heaven.

You have this capacity within you to make heaven of hell or hell of heaven. We encourage you to believe in the truth, which is that heaven lies within you. It is accessible. It is as if you were looking at a closed door. The key to that door is silence. Open it. Walk into your own heart and fly away. There you are safe. There you are loved. There you shall become capable of loving. We are with you; the angels are with you.

In case one is so inclined, this session from 12 Feb 11 also contains some interesting views on the function of angels and marijuana use. I have found myself referring back to it several times as I need to remind myself of the information. Pesky veil.

[Tenet Nosce]

The problem with shrinks is that most are trained only to make you "function" in society again, and that will often include giving you prescription meds, that have lots of harmful side effects.

I had what could be termed a "mental breakdown" at the age of 28 / 29 and going to the shrink only aggravated the problems I had, by their method of focusing on the negative only. Besides no one of them could relate to the metaphysical aspects and my paranormal experiences.

Thank you for sharing this sensitive information about yourself. I acknowledged the difficulties you described in my previous post to yossarian without having even read yours first! How is that for synchronicity?

---

i haven't even got a job, i'm 28 and have never had a real job because of my self esteem and developmental and mental issues. if you're able to work that's already a step up, i think you're doing great. you have your own place. stoves are a luxury not everyone has. independence is a luxury too. i need to work on my own issues somehow, from where i'm looking you seem to be doing great. not that going homeless is great but so far you have at least kept your head above the water, i wish you luck in figuring it out. i believe in you. try to be creative in what brings you joy, try to get out of survival and into doing what you want. is there anything you could have fun doing? are you artistic? or interested in engineering? or what? what is it you wanted to do before you got sidetracked? maybe you could do it now, this could be that opening. maybe you have to work a menial job for a while but at the same time somehow figure out how to get a nice job, and find your joy.

You shared some wise words above. Particularly this: i believe in you. It would bring me joy for you to accept the same wisdom which you so kindly offered to GreatSpirit.

Or rather, if it will aid you in this realization. I, Tenet Nosce, believe in you, Oceania.

I suspect you will find you had the answer all along.

---

Going homeless should be a freeing experience, not a depressing one. Family is important, even if they are all b******. You have the freedom to let go and roll with the punches. Accept the punches that are coming. Honestly, it sounds very liberating and not enslaving. Humility is better than pride. For instance, show up in court just for the sake of showing up. Walk in and take your punches. You must at least be here. If it all doesn't matter, then show up anyone. Show up at court. Show up at your mom's doorstep. Show up at the soup line. Go sleep at the homeless shelter tonight. Experience that stuff.

You have given some very wise recommendations as to taking responsibility and being accountable to oneself. I suppose that living without a family would indeed leave one with nobody to be accountable to, however this is often heart-wrenching for the soul.

At the time I graduated from high school, I moved out of my parent's house and never really looked back. I was of the opinion that the environment was too negative and that my relationship with my parents was likely beyond repair. For many years I maintained a very strained relationship.

Long story short, I had actually left the U.S. with plans to live in South America hoping to avoid some of the insanity I was suspecting to break out around 2012. I had barely begun to settle in when I received three extremely vivid dreams. In each one a member of my immediate family was in grave danger. It was then that I realized that it was futile of me to expect to continue to spiritually evolve while these relationships remained damaged. Now that I have attended to these matters, things are much better for all, and as a bonus, both my financial and relationship situations have increased by orders of magnitude.

However, I can definitely see how the break was necessary at the time! If I hadn't been so bullheaded to do it all myself, I would have never learned what I am truly capable of.

But whatever you do. Whatever you do!!!! Do not turn to drugs or alcohol or you will be in pain you can't imagine. Don't turn to drugs or alcohol!!!!

This statement somewhat confuses me in the light that GreatSpirit shared that use of substances was the other key point of contention with the parents. I wholly understand that substance abuse can only contribute negatively to this situation. However, in my humble opinion, it is not a matter of "drugs are bad" and you "shouldn't" do them. Those who are caught in the cycle of substance abuse are frequently suffering from deep spiritual pain which I believe must be addressed in order to have a healthy relationship with mind-altering substances. I have observed that frequently it is not so simple as "Don't Do Drugs".

Here is the section from the above Q'uo session on marijuana use. I find it to be very insightful into these matters:

Questioner: I have a question, Q’uo, but I would first like to thank you for sharing that and sharing your love with us. My question is about the substance of marijuana, the chemical THC, and what effect it has on seeking of any given seeker. My question comes from my experience, which is that it has an impact that seems to be negative on my seeking. It lowers my energy in days following exposure to it. But at the time of using the substance I do feel a certain inspiration and a sort of freedom, so that’s my question. What is the nature of this substance and its effect on seeking?

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. Each substance has complex characteristics. Each food that you eat, each liquid that you drink, has those characteristics which are generally considered positive and those characteristics which are considered undesirable and therefore called something like “side effects.” The substance, marijuana, is no exception.

In general, my brother, if you want to obtain maximally useful results from your observations and your witness during incarnation, you are best served by a completely pure and this instrument would say “sober,” base. Every substance you ingest, every substance you drink, creates not just one, but several different effects within the body, and, as the one known as S has said, it is quite so that every seeker will have a different experience of apples or asparagus or marijuana. However, none of asparagus’s side effects impact the spiritual life whereas in the case of marijuana, its effect on the spiritual life is inconstant and untrustable.

The basic principle involved in this opinion is that principle which suggests that you will be able to open your mind, your body, and your spirit more and more as you become lit from within, as you become kindled by that spirit that yearns for the perfect devotion, the truly whole giving of the self to service. As you persist along this line of seeking the veil thins for you, little by little, in a way which is safe for you.

The difficulty that we see with the use of marijuana in the spiritual seeking is that it enables you to experience an environment for which you are not naturally prepared. Thusly, while the experience is a good one, perhaps, at the time, the side effects that come with the use of marijuana, mainly the damping of the energies that you would normally have in more abundance, create the sum total experience of a positive time that you could not fully use because it was artificially created, and the cumulative effects of the use of marijuana, which involve weariness and a lack of motivation.

It is to be noted that all of these effects, both positive and seemingly negative, are temporary. The [chemicals in marijuana] are chemicals which have an effect, here and there and here and there, and then within a month’s time they are gone. Consequently, it is a relatively transparent, recreational mood changer. And as this instrument can attest, that particular substance has medicinal qualities that are very appreciated by those who have chronic pain and chronic nausea. There would be no reason for us to encourage people to think of marijuana as evil or as an agent that will lead people astray. However, in terms of improving the spiritual life, its uses are very limited.

When you wish to improve your spiritual life, turn within. There is no substance, there is no answer, there is no shortcut outside of the vast reaches of your heart. When we suggest that you go within, we truly mean to go within, to cross the boundary between the ordinary reality of everyday life and the reality that is the environment of your open heart.

Dear ones, your people have ingested and drunk and smoked and breathed in an amazing variety of natural and manmade substances through the years of your history, working with outer things to attempt to achieve a result. And no result is found that is satisfactory. Meanwhile, quietly, humbly, invisibly, person after person after person has gone within and walked through the deserts of the self, climbed the mountains of the self, sailed on the oceans of the self, lost, wandering, exultant, cast down, and in every weather and in every situation the limitless potential of consciousness awaits.

The most effective spiritual practice is to believe in the spiritual practice and to seek it as does a lover its mate. It may seem trivial or unnecessarily emotional to encourage you to have intense personal, even intimate, feelings about the spiritual life, yet it is very helpful and healthy for the spirit to yearn and to crave for the presence of the one Creator. You have that presence within you, yet it is a journey over desert and mountain and ocean, finally to come to that magic island at the center of your heart where lives love, unrestrained, wild and free. We therefore encourage you to enjoy yourselves as you will.
We do not condemn marijuana, my friends; we are simply saying that for the serious seeker, that which he manipulates shall be within himself.

In olden times and in some tribes of those who live in the indigenous way to your present day, there would be the time of dying to the self in one way or another, whether it was a case of physically being immured in a cave or [whether it was being] buried alive for a certain amount of time. There were rituals in which there was the experience of death. And when that individual arose from the sweat lodge or the shaman’s quest, for the first time there was the true appreciation of the gift of life.

To have a keener, freer, wilder experience takes patience if it is done properly. Yet when you have come into states of mind that are altered and you have moved into them naturally, you are ready for the wisdom of the experience to impress itself upon you and you are ready for the responsibility of what you now know. As the one known as Ra said, “There are no mistakes but there are sometimes surprises.” To create an environment in which your surprises are likely to please you, we encourage you to seek within.

---

GreatSpirit - seems you've already had plenty of wonderful advice and encouragement here. I would only add that somewhere inside yourself you must recognize your true self simply because of the user name you selected GREAT Spirit.

Now I am curious to know why you chose Ruth as your user name.

Also, I understand your frustration with your relationship to your parents. What worked best for me was not to "stand up to" my challenging parent - but rather to step back and realize that he is just a person, like me, here to learn, and is doing the best he knows how to do. I just started sending him all the love and light I could muster. He is now one of my dearest friends.

These are some wise observations. Sometimes it is good to just take a step back and let the dust settle for a bit. I am intrigued that your father responded so well to your simply sending him love and light. In my experience with some negative entities, this has frequently backfired. It seems to me that one must be first express willingness to accept such love/light before it can actually have a positive effect.

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I was depressive most of my life and only thought that I was perennially tired or sleepy. I usually wore a neutral face or a frown. One day something clicked in me and I decided to smile to strangers and acquaintances. Most of them smiled back, even though many dropped the smile even before they were out of my view.

Thank you for sharing this experience. It is good to be reminded of the more simple things in life! I actually had a somewhat converse experience. One day I was in a foul mood and was feeling victimized because I had agreed to attend my girlfriend's (at the time) fencing class and didn't really want to be there.

Anyhow, as I walked through a room toward the studio, there were two guys playing ping pong. One of them had the biggest smile on his face you could imagine. He was thoroughly enjoying himself! And I, being so negative, felt hateful emotions toward him because I was jealous that he was joyful and I was miserable. I apparently had been shooting dagger eyes at him, because he looked over at me and the minute he caught me eye, I could literally see all of the joy flow right out of him as if a balloon had been popped.

Though I immediately realized what was happened, I was too shocked and embarrassed with myself to apologize to this man. Hopefully, he is like you and it didn't phase him much! But it is interesting to see how the same lesson can be learned in a positive or negative fashion. In the end, it is all about the lesson anyway!

So go ahead and pretend to be happy until you become happy. "Fake it until you make it!"

This is funny! I actually used to have a very negative reaction to this line. Until I realized how it worked, then I thought to myself... duh! But it is also somewhat difficult to grasp. I can think of many examples of entities I have observed who appear to be happy on the outside, but are deeply suffering on the inside. So there is more here than just a simple platitude.

I take supplements and meds for the depression, and am grateful for them. Side effects are minimal for me right now, thank One.

I am glad to here that you have found some balance on the physical side of things! Might I note as a word of precaution. This probably doesn't apply directly to you as you mentioned you are not experiencing too many side effects. But there are some schools of thought which suggest very high doses of certain supplements in order to treat depression. This can cause some problems with rebound effects and interactions with medications. It is a somewhat delicate balance, as I am sure you have learned.

Also, have you at all looked into the potential interactions between gut bacteria and mental health. It is a particular area of expertise of mine, and I find it fascinating! This is fairly new research so most practitioners probably have not heard of it yet:

Mind-Altering Microbes: Probiotic Bacteria May Lessen Anxiety and Depression