Why do wanderers have low self-esteem

[Oceania]

i agree.

[_X7]

I would expect that higher densities ought to understand the experience of esteem from low to high and in between.

Herein, it seems useful, on 3rd density, to obtain an experience of low self esteem, (at least for a manageable period). I have explored various periods of low, midling and high self esteem. Sometimes even try them on as outfits for the moment. This can actually entertain me, at times. Also tried in order to walk in the shoes of another, to understand those individuals. Also, in order to understand my own perceptions in given cases. My key was to develop flexibility and never to become fixated at particular levels. To retain some creativity in the process.

[Tenet Nosce]

Ra said that STO Wanderers are vulnerable to being caught up in 3D craziness and lose polarity. Too much self-esteem can make me think I'm better than everybody else, thus separate me from them. Solution: program low self-esteem into my personality. I should be grateful, I guess, having done it to myself.

That all makes sense to me. I would also add that this planetary society appears to be extremely distorted toward expressing jealously and anger toward anybody who demonstrates special gifts or talents. Indeed, I would suspect this is a collective defense mechanism created as a result of the extreme manipulation that went on in the past by 4D entities posing as gods.

Simple example: a kid gets straight A's in school and is at the top of their class. Rather than look up to that person as an example of what is possible for themselves, most of the other kids get jealous and conclude said person is just trying to be a "showoff". And so the ostracizing begins. Not to mention that whomever happens to be in the #2 slot tends to feel extremely resentful and bitter towards said person for "taking" the spotlight away from them. Even if said person wasn't at all interested in getting attention and praise, and simply just trying to "Do Their Best".

So we have an extreme incoherency in the group mind here whereby people in society are encouraged to "Do Their Best" but should some individual's "best" get too far outside the range of the rest of society, this is no longer acceptable. At which point, society turns in unison against the outlier as rabid dogs, publicly humiliating them and tearing them to pieces. Then they are off to the races, and looking for the next person to put up on a pedestal, and then tear down in jealously and rage. And so the cycle repeats itself.

I have experienced a similar phenomenon several times in this forum where I make a post. Another person comes by and says, "Wow, Tenet! That was very insightful. Thanks!" and before I can even say "You're welcome" another person swoops in and starts ripping apart my post, ostensibly to stop the praise from "getting to my head" or something.

Standard Mozart/Salieri type stuff. I can only assume that this is not normal, and that in a healthy society, those with special talents and gifts are honored and cherished, and it is appreciated that they are shining their light so brightly so that others may more clearly perceive their own shadows. In other words: our society has a huge "Nemesis Complex". When faced with an uncomfortable shadow, we have a tendency to blame the sun, rather than the huge object getting in the way. This object would be the ego. Of course, the ego being what it is, will deny its own shadow, and seek to project it upon the sun. Indeed, if the sun weren't shining so brightly, there would be no shadows, and so it seems to the ego that the sun must be extinguished in order for it to survive.

From here, is is the same old story. The ego seeks to continually "tear down" rather than "build up" all the while proclaiming that it knows the truth, can see through the facade, and is acting in the best interests of all by continuing to wield its destructive powers.

In this society- better for a wanderer to keep things under wraps, and to not reveal oneself to fully to others. Thus, self-doubt becomes a useful tool. I would also imagine that wanderers would program in a "fatal flaw" which can easily be leveraged by others should the wanderer step too far "out of line".

---

I suppose it's tough to know that the most valuable thing you have to offer isn't appreciated by the wider society. It can seem natural for wanderers to want to love and serve everybody in a sort of universal, abstract sense, especially with so much suffering in the world. But that service will rarely be satisfying because we're in separate bodies closed off from direct experience of the social memory complex on purpose. So if you draw your sense of self from your ability to serve that wider social identity, it will be hard to maintain an emphasis on the things you wandered here to do.

That's why I believe it's really important that one's service to others be particular and personal: so you draw your self-esteem from genuine, deep relationships with one or a couple of good friends who can know and appreciate you. Seems to me that high self-esteem in wanderers usually stems from being able to find people, if only a few, who know who you are. If you can't find those people, the loneliness can be crushing.

Thanks, Jeremy6D, for this post. I find it to be quite astute, and immensely useful. I look forward to hearing more of what you have to say on this topic.

[Confused]

Wow, Tenet Nosce, that is one great in-depth look into the issue of envy that you have presented. Right from my days of tender consciousness, I have had issues with deep envy, as I would normally feel very envious of those better than me. I think envy is a direct property of the sense of personal ownership and entitlement.

Thank you helping me rethink my shadow side more, TN.

[neutral333]

I used to have low self-esteem. Mostly from feeling that I don't quite fit in or at times I felt that everyone knew something else that I didn't as far as "succeeding" within our current system.

This wore off as I began to become aware of like-minded souls and after I began to dig away at some of my own misperceptions.

Now my self-esteem lowers when I feel I am not living life to the fullest - which is all too often unfortunately.

Why is it difficult to keep up the stamina to do what you feel you should to be the best version of yourself?

[zenmaster]

Now my self-esteem lowers when I feel I am not living life to the fullest - which is all too often unfortunately.

Why is it difficult to keep up the stamina to do what you feel you should to be the best version of yourself?

The conceptual view of self with 'shoulds' is an idea abstraction which is necessarily of comparison and separation. An idea abstraction is not the thing itself (the self). So a barrier between ego and self is created with this idea maintained (of living life to the fullest). Being in a position to live life to the fullest is simply an attitude which is acknowledging and accepting self. Such an attitude is not based on an idea or a should, so it is a real thing. Only then can there be maximum opportunity 'to live', due to the awareness provided.

[Tenet Nosce]

Wow, Tenet Nosce, that is one great in-depth look into the issue of envy that you have presented. Right from my days of tender consciousness, I have had issues with deep envy, as I would normally feel very envious of those better than me. I think envy is a direct property of the sense of personal ownership and entitlement.

Thank you helping me rethink my shadow side more, TN.

You're welcome! Or were you being facetious? LOL

In either case, I would point out that the concept of "better" is part of the whole issue. If Mozart is a musical genius, then he is not "better than" Salieri. Just different. Life has a way of balancing everything out. Who knows? Maybe Mozart was a poor lover while Salieri was like a god in the sack?

[yossarian]

- low self esteem is different than no ego, i have low self esteem and it's an imbalance really. not good. i still have a big ego that refuses to die. i remember always being treated or reacted to differently even when i tried to act assimilated. i didn't know why people could sense my weirdness, i still don't.

I agree, self-esteem is who you are, ego is a barrier built to defend yourself. I have refused to work on my problem for a long time. My non-acceptance of self and other self even caused me dyslexia. Now through daily meditation for about 5 months, the problems are disappearing fast, especially in this month, no human interaction required! To anyone who hesitate to consciously work on their issues, daily meditation is highly recommended, there is no struggle whatsoever. Sometimes I feel meditation is almost like a form of cheating in spiritual development. I wonder is there to difference between working in a conscious manner through struggle and just meditating. It seems like meditation solves all problems. May be we can just be lazy and totally rely on meditation?

Meditation doesn't always work for everyone all the time. Sounds like it's working for you right now! Milk it for all it's worth!

At points in my life I've reached a point where meditation seemed to stop helping, and even hurt. Twists and turns!

---

Maybe Mozart was a poor lover while Salieri was like a god in the sack?

Nope. Mozart was reknown for his sex acts. Salieri on the other hand was a cold fish.

You compose like you f***, it's a universal law.

[Tenet Nosce]

Nope. Mozart was reknown for his sex acts. Salieri on the other hand was a cold fish.

You compose like you f***, it's a universal law.

LOL! Oh Salieri, you poor miserable fool. Well, there you go. Shall we put Mozart under a shade, so that Salieri doesn't feel too envious? I don't think so.

[kanonathena]

Maybe Mozart was a poor lover while Salieri was like a god in the sack?

Nope. Mozart was reknown for his sex acts. Salieri on the other hand was a cold fish.

You compose like you f***, it's a universal law.

I recently read somewhere that mozart was a womanizer, guess that's why his music is so full of energy?

Still I wish I didn't know this fact, I would be tempted to search for the red ray vibration in his music, really hate this.

[Peregrinus]

There is no singular experience or path. In the time/space counterpart to space/time, all possibility exists. The mind/body/spirit complex can choose any of an infinite number of possibilities. Based upon previous choices which a spirit or group of spirits "makes", probability vortices arise, yet even these cannot assure possible choice selection based upon that probability. Free will is almost always honored.

Each spirit, when ready to continue experiencing in 3rd density space/time*, consults the Akash, selects a "life" experience which provides the possibilities to learn the specific lessons the spirit desires to learn, typically 4 to 6. The mind/body combination which will work towards the lessons achievement is then chosen, and the experience begins.

Wanderers most often experience self esteem to ensure they remain humble, for being the opposite is not distorted or biased to service to other-self.

As the smallest boy in my schools, I "suffered" the typical abuse and humiliation which is the result of my chosen physical vehicle. Those experiences, however, did not 'leave me' with low self esteem, but with first humility which resulted in my desire to empower the self, then a feeling of strength and invincibility after I had, which finally led me to a balanced sense of self, simply Being.

*The process is automated for lesser evolved spirits.

[Bang Kaew]

The way I see a wanderer is someone very open and honest who 'wears their heart on their sleeve' because where they are from this is the norm. As a result a wanderer is often under attack for essentially speaking their mind at all times. This is why a wanderer will often withdraw from society and may have low self esteem. IMO of course!

[AnthroHeart]

I feel like I'm a wanderer but I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm an INTJ by personality, so I tend to internalize what's going on.

[Wander-Man]

Whenever I get insecure it helps to remember who I've been/will be/am.
For example, when I get nervous before an audition I'll tell myself, "I've inspired millions of people already." It helps.


By the way, you all have inspired millions. You are a legend. Remember, and don't let the amnesic legends bring you down

[Ruth]

Well stated, Wander-Man! We are inspirational legends!

[shonky]

The links between Ego and self esteem are directly related to the amount of energy spent on clinging to the familiar things around us, in order to feel secure. They are proportionally related, with each adjusting itself according to the magnitude of the other. This relationship between them creates the state we live in, called identity. Identity seems to us to be some permanent state within ourselves, that we can operate from, and while we do mostly operate and interact with the rest of the world from this state, it is not necessary to remain there permanently.

When we dream, our egos and therefore our estimation of ourselves switches off. This allows our identity to exist in a more independent state temporarily severed from the ego. It allows it to change itself within the context of the dream, and shift into unfamiliar territory. When we awake, the ego is activated again and the memory of the dream fades as the ego asserts itself.
My own experiences with waking ego death are interesting, in that there is nothing to differentiate yourself from the rest of the world, therefore it's possible to cut loose and experience a different, unified consciousness that runs through all things, from animals and people, to rocks and gases, all at the same time. Three dimensional restrictions imposed by the ego are lifted, and time and distance disappear. This leads me to believe that the ego, when active, glues all the bits we know as "Me" together, so it can regulate the behaviour of the lump of meat that carries my particular genome around. It has to generate enough self presence for "me" to preserve "my" part of the equation for as long as possible. If it didn't, I'd probably sit down, space out, and starve to death or something. Every waking day the ego has to be reborn. If it didn't turn off every time we sleep, it would grow to disproportionate magnitude, and then we wouldn't be able to communicate with any other relevant parts of the equation. (Each other) Don't know where I'm going with this now, because my ego is off tagging the other tabs in my browser, and expressing a need to assert itself somewhere else. But it reassures me that I'll be back.

[AnthroHeart]

I think ego can slip into dreams as well. I've been quite defensive in dreams before.

[shonky]

That's just a shadow ego, not tied to the external World. It's only tags are what is in the dream. And it's not communicating with your conscious mind. Ego doesn't interact with the subconscious.

[zenmaster]

That's just a shadow ego, not tied to the external World. It's only tags are what is in the dream. And it's not communicating with your conscious mind. Ego doesn't interact with the subconscious.

Not only does the ego interact directly with the subconscious, it interacts directly with the unconscious via intuition, free-association, active imagination, lucid dreaming, etc.

The 'shadow ego', or just 'shadow', is the 'personal unconscious' which does tend to dominate one's dream themes. That's why dream work allows one to learn about some as-yet unaccepted aspect of self. The spirit tends to draw the mind a towards a more whole condition - which tends to involve the integration of the opposite of the conscious or waking 'ego' personality.

[Bendah!]

I continually have issues with self-esteem

[kanonathena]

- low self esteem is different than no ego, i have low self esteem and it's an imbalance really. not good. i still have a big ego that refuses to die. i remember always being treated or reacted to differently even when i tried to act assimilated. i didn't know why people could sense my weirdness, i still don't.

I agree, self-esteem is who you are, ego is a barrier built to defend yourself. I have refused to work on my problem for a long time. My non-acceptance of self and other self even caused me dyslexia. Now through daily meditation for about 5 months, the problems are disappearing fast, especially in this month, no human interaction required! To anyone who hesitate to consciously work on their issues, daily meditation is highly recommended, there is no struggle whatsoever. Sometimes I feel meditation is almost like a form of cheating in spiritual development. I wonder is there to difference between working in a conscious manner through struggle and just meditating. It seems like meditation solves all problems. May be we can just be lazy and totally rely on meditation?

Meditation doesn't always work for everyone all the time. Sounds like it's working for you right now! Milk it for all it's worth!

At points in my life I've reached a point where meditation seemed to stop helping, and even hurt. Twists and turns!

I beg to differ, for most people meditation is the only way to contact the intelligent infinity, that means all your chackras are balanced and infinite joy, so how can it hurt?

I wonder if sympathy and "all is well" have nothing to do with chackra balancing?

Ra stated that they feel great sorrow but also "all is well" (at least quo said it), do six density being also can't maintain a single understanding? Is this due to unbalanced chackras?

[native]

Contact with intelligent infinity is achieved through an understanding of the self in relation to others. It occurs when a person has sufficiently learned their lessons and balanced themselves enough that they may open themselves up to a more loving reality. It's not so much a crystallization of each energy center, but rather it is simply coming from a place within yourself where 'the choice' is made. Meditation is for the purpose of contacting the roots of the mind, as Ra puts it, by calming our cursory thoughts. I go through periods where I don't meditate at all. It has been maybe two weeks since I've last laid down to 'formally' meditate. I'm always in a state of deep contemplation, or existing in the present, so that tends to be just as effective.

I would agree that formal meditation doesn't need to be regular as long as you're continually in a conscious state of reception, or in other words, mindful of your thoughts and what they are teaching you. Silent contemplation is meditation at its most basic level, so if you are paying attention to your thoughts/actions in a walking meditative state so to speak, you'll benefit from that.

In terms of what formal meditation accomplishes, I've found that it can instantly reveal an insight, but generally speaking if you meditate regularly with the simple intention of laying silently with no necessity to totally reduce thoughts, the most significant impact seems to be occurring in the roots of the mind..at an almost unconscious level. Having thoughts flow through you won't affect the outcome.

So when you meditate, while you may feel centered and at peace, people tend to walk away from a meditation session thinking that nothing 'happened' or was revealed if they didn't receive some kind of insight. I've found that over a period of weeks or months, what was subconsciously realized in the roots of your mind seeps its way up into your conscious thoughts. So over time realizations seem to appear, but the path was cleared in meditation.

At times, when I meditate every day I feel like I'm receiving too much information as I seem to sense it on a subconscious level. So I actually take meditation breaks, where I won't meditate for a few days or even a couple of weeks. I never have a goal to lay down and meditate for two hours. If after 20 minutes I feel that is enough, I'm fine with it.

[kanonathena]

Exactly, meditation really help tackles the root of the problem without you even realizing it.

What is crystallization of chackras, I guess it happens in 7th density before returning to the oneness?

[zenmaster]

"51.8 Questioner: What do you mean by crystal structures?
Ra: I am Ra. Each of the energy centers of the physical complex may be seen to have a distinctive crystalline structure in the more developed entity. Each will be somewhat different just as in your world no two snowflakes are alike. However, each is regular. The red energy center often is in the shape of the spoked wheel. The orange energy center in the flower shape containing three petals.

The yellow center again in a rounded shape, many faceted, as a star.

The green energy center sometimes called the lotus-shape, the number of points of crystalline structure dependent upon the strength of this center.

The blue energy center capable of having perhaps one hundred facets and capable of great flashing brilliance.

The indigo center a more quiet center which has the basic triangular or three-petalled shape in many, although some adepts who have balanced the lower energies may create more faceted forms.

The violet energy center is the least variable and is sometimes described in your philosophy as thousand-petalled as it is the sum of the mind/body/spirit complex distortion totality."

[native]

Each of us has a unique soul/personality/identity. The snowflake example is a good one. The more we learn and harmonize the understandings of each density in general, especially as they pertain to the strengths and weaknesses of our own identity, the energy centers begin to crystallize. Expressing each energy center in its fullest potential seems to be rare though as the material states, and the key is more of a harmonious balance between the energy centers that is important.

40.4 Questioner: Then bodily energy centers for an individual, assuming that the individual evolves in a straight line from first through to eighth density, would then be activated to completion if everything worked as it should? Would each chakra be activated to completion and greatest intensity by the end of the experience in each density?

Ra: I am Ra. Hypothetically speaking, this is correct. However, the fully activated being is rare. Much emphasis is laid upon the harmonies and balances of individuals. It is necessary for graduation across densities for the primary energy centers to be functioning in such a way as to communicate with intelligent infinity and to appreciate and bask in this light in all of its purity. However, to fully activate each energy center is the mastery of few, for each center has a variable speed of rotation or activity. The important observation to be made once all necessary centers are activated to the minimal necessary degree is the harmony and balance between these energy centers.

[kanonathena]

Thanks for the quotes.

I assume crystallization is what happens when you can keep your chackras activated and stable? Still my question remains.

It seems our idea of meditation is different, you said "Meditation is for the purpose of contacting the roots of the mind", my idea is to let the light enter your chackras from the bottom and try to get a kundalini activation of some sort, you always feel energy, peace and joy afterwards, there is no way you can feel sorrow. Are we talking about the same thing here?

[AnthroHeart]

I don't believe matter can touch intelligent infinity. It needs to become energy (wave rather than particle) itself. The energy centers and body must be able to handle the intense energy density, otherwise the body will combust. Saying that we don't have to crystalize the energy centers is probably wishful thinking.

Contact with intelligent infinity is achieved through an understanding of the self in relation to others. It occurs when a person has sufficiently learned their lessons and balanced themselves enough that they may open themselves up to a more loving reality. It's not so much a crystallization of each energy center, but rather it is simply coming from a place within yourself where 'the choice' is made. Meditation is for the purpose of contacting the roots of the mind, as Ra puts it, by calming our cursory thoughts. I go through periods where I don't meditate at all. It has been maybe two weeks since I've last laid down to 'formally' meditate. I'm always in a state of deep contemplation, or existing in the present, so that tends to be just as effective.

---

Once chakras are activated and balanced, crystalization I have found happens when we are in a state of allowing. Allowing the energy to flow, allowing our emotional responses, without reacting to them.

I assume crystallization is what happens when you can keep your chackras activated and stable? Still my question remains.

[native]

kanonathena - Crystallization could be described as stability, yes. It comes through balancing the self.

Your thoughts on meditation come from kundalini information out there that attempts to raise consciousness forcefully without integrating all the necessary lessons of each energy center. Read about kundalini in 49.6 here

Our consciousness, or kundalini in this example, raises naturally as we integrate aspects of the self. So working with kundalini is not some kind of mechanical function that is performed..it's simply a metaphor. You're right that in meditation we focus energy. Silencing the mind allows energies to make contact with aspects of ourselves which seems to involve interaction with particular chakras that need attention so that we may have realizations of truth. Peace and joy is felt because you are communicating with the self/creator and tuning into the love/truth that resides in the moment. 5.2 talks about the meditation process and the mental workings involving consciousness evolution here

Gemini Wolf - I'm not sure what you're trying to say. Crystallization as I understand it, occurs when a person delicately balances their unique identity with aspects of the creator. Crystallization of all energy centers here in 3d can only occur after those particular lessons have been fully experienced and balanced to a certain extent elsewhere. In other words, crystallizing the higher centers here in 3d will be something that a wanderer is capable of..which is why learning to heal is generally the work of a wanderer/adept and can only be done by a crystallized entity (other than those that are born with natural healing abilities). It's advanced work in consciousness. The most that can be expected of a 3d harvestable entity would be crystallization of the first three centers, and perhaps some progress in the fourth. Activation of all centers is something different, and is all that is needed to make contact with intelligent infinity. Activation simply requires a certain amount of balance, realization, and acceptance to be achieved.

[AnthroHeart]

True, there is a delicate balance, and then there is intensification.

84.11 Questioner: In other words, they would be functioning but it would be equivalent in an electrical circuitry to having a high resistance, shall we say, and although the circuit would be complete, red through green, the total quantity of energy transferred would be less. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. We might most closely associate your query with the concept of voltage. The uncrystallized, lower centers cannot deliver the higher voltage. The crystallized centers may become quite remarkable in the high voltage characteristics of the energy transfer as it reaches green ray and indeed as green ray is crystallized this also applies to the higher energy centers until such energy transfers become an honestation* for the Creator.

[native]

Yes, and notice in 84.10.. "It is well to remember in the case of the mind/body/spirit that the chakras or energy centers could well be functioning without crystallization."