Fear of Death

[pat19989]

Hi everyone

My girlfriend of 3.5 years and I broke up about 6 weeks ago and it has provided the most potent catalyst I have experienced in my entire life. I have never felt loss like this. I cannot put into words the exact reasons for our separation, but it is not one of anger or malice, it is one of love and new experience that I believe we both need. We have still been keeping in touch and checking in on each other periodically.

I have been spending days in a good place where I allow myself to cry, to heal, to feel the separation and still move on with my daily life. I'd say that is how the majority of these past few weeks have been. But for a few nights a couple weeks ago I could not sleep due to being terrified. My ego was basically shattered, and I had great trouble showing myself the love and understanding to feel safe. After 3-4 sleepless nights that were accompanied by terrible pain in my lower chakras (some of the most intense pain I have ever felt, I believe it is a knotting up of energy in my light body because I am consumed by a fear of death, and by extension of falling asleep). I got through this initial phase of ego-death, but last night that same primal fear returned, and I was able to sleep for a few hours after talking to a family member to sort of remind myself who I am.

I'm just wondering if anyone out there has experienced anything like this. I feel alone in this sort of suffering, it is like repeated dark nights of the soul and I really am just afraid. I'm terrified of dying alone, even though I am a young and generally healthy person, I am having trouble showing myself love enough to put myself to sleep and trust in myself and God.

I would appreciate any personal stories, advice, or support.

Love

[Sacred Fool]

In my experience, disturbances like this can be similar to a river in the sense that, if you enter them at their mouth the currents can sweep you away, but if you track them towards their source they can be far more manageable.  You might wish to scan your bodies to see if the energy of this lies concentrated someplace.  (If you can't do this yourself, you can seek someone who can help you.  Hypnotherapy could possibly be helpful.)  If you find something, you can approach it through dialogue or track it further upstream.

Eventually you may discover that your subconscious is using this opportunity to get your attention so as to encourage you to expand your knowledge of self and deepen your experience of being.  Your end of the partnership would be the seeking, possibly in the form of meditation.  

I wish you fruitful explorations.

[flofrog]

Dear Pat

This is incongruous and odd, but I was thinking of you and this experience, then I distinctly heard from my guide,” there’s a closet.” So sorry. Is there a closet where you live, perhaps under a stair or any closet, really. I don’t know what it means. Perhaps burn an incense stick anywhere in your place.

Also I think SF offer of hypnotism is very wise.

[ada]

Hello there dear Pat,

I feel that I may have gone through something similar, I too am fairly young and had a breakup some time ago with a partner whom I deeply loved.
The first days or weeks it felt as though my entire world was shattered, and everything was projected from the red ray center. I was afraid that I would be alone forever and couldn't bare it. I cried and couldn't go to work, go to groceries or even get out of bed. What has helped was time and speaking with another, be it friend, family or a stranger.

I do not know what exactly you are going through, and most likely couldn't even if I wanted to.
But if you may allow me to share my thoughts and feelings, and you see if it resonates with you.

I think that wanderers may often love their mate deeply and feel that they are destined, and grow attached. Most so because our beliefs and world views are so strong and embedded in spirituality. 
Though even if it ends, it is a good catalyst to learn and grow from in this 3rd density experience.
You have had each other for a time, serving and loving the creator. Each has helped the other in learning and being in those moments.

If you may see these beautiful experiences, cherish and appreciate them. You may discover the beauty of the creator, that there is no separation. That even in this seemingly lonely experience you have found each other, and were able to share beautiful truths. 

Try and bring your self to the present moment, and not the future that does not exist that scares you so much.
I believe you are strong and were full in love and trust before you decided to incarnate here knowing how lonely it may be at times.

We often lay our securities and fears on our partners, or family members. Creating a safe perspective, but in the end we all must trust in ourselves and the creator that all is well, and that there is no separation, no matter how alone it may seem. Because you are the creator reaching out their hand to the seemingly unknown, full of trust, you are the rays of sun traveling from so far away.

You are so beautiful and loved, if only you knew the support you have waiting for you outside this veil. You are not alone, everything and everyone are connected. Remind yourself of the present infinite moment, you are all there is. And all that is is you. All the love, all the light, and all the warmth embeds you. It is well. You are well. You are love, and you are light. All is one.

[pat19989]

In my experience, disturbances like this can be similar to a river in the sense that, if you enter them at their mouth the currents can sweep you away, but if you track them towards their source they can be far more manageable.  You might wish to scan your bodies to see if the energy of this lies concentrated someplace.  (If you can't do this yourself, you can seek someone who can help you.  Hypnotherapy could possibly be helpful.)  If you find something, you can approach it through dialogue or track it further upstream.

Eventually you may discover that your subconscious is using this opportunity to get your attention so as to encourage you to expand your knowledge of self and deepen your experience of being.  Your end of the partnership would be the seeking, possibly in the form of meditation.  

I wish you fruitful explorations.

Thank you for these thoughts. Stepping out of the current and tracking it upstream is a wonderful analogy that I actually was able to feel last night. I have been interested in hypnotherapy for awhile now and I may give it a try, I have found a respected practitioner in my area. My main limitation is money in that regard. Much love

[pat19989]

Hello there dear Pat,

I feel that I may have gone through something similar, I too am fairly young and had a breakup some time ago with a partner whom I deeply loved.
The first days or weeks it felt as though my entire world was shattered, and everything was projected from the red ray center. I was afraid that I would be alone forever and couldn't bare it. I cried and couldn't go to work, go to groceries or even get out of bed. What has helped was time and speaking with another, be it friend, family or a stranger.

I do not know what exactly you are going through, and most likely couldn't even if I wanted to.
But if you may allow me to share my thoughts and feelings, and you see if it resonates with you.

I think that wanderers may often love their mate deeply and feel that they are destined, and grow attached. Most so because our beliefs and world views are so strong and embedded in spirituality. 
Though even if it ends, it is a good catalyst to learn and grow from in this 3rd density experience.
You have had each other for a time, serving and loving the creator. Each has helped the other in learning and being in those moments.

If you may see these beautiful experiences, cherish and appreciate them. You may discover the beauty of the creator, that there is no separation. That even in this seemingly lonely experience you have found each other, and were able to share beautiful truths. 

Try and bring your self to the present moment, and not the future that does not exist that scares you so much.
I believe you are strong and were full in love and trust before you decided to incarnate here knowing how lonely it may be at times.

We often lay our securities and fears on our partners, or family members. Creating a safe perspective, but in the end we all must trust in ourselves and the creator that all is well, and that there is no separation, no matter how alone it may seem. Because you are the creator reaching out their hand to the seemingly unknown, full of trust, you are the rays of sun traveling from so far away.

You are so beautiful and loved, if only you knew the support you have waiting for you outside this veil. You are not alone, everything and everyone are connected. Remind yourself of the present infinite moment, you are all there is. And all that is is you. All the love, all the light, and all the warmth embeds you. It is well. You are well. You are love, and you are light. All is one.

Ada, your response brought me to tears. Nothing specific in the content, your words just feel genuine and I can feel your good intention.

I've got a lot of blessings around me in people, places, and pets and I have so much gratitude for the time spent with my significant other, even though it has come to an end. Thank you for reminding me of all the support in my life, including all of you here at Bring4th, and the Confederation looking down on us.

Thank you dearly

[pat19989]

Dear Pat

This is incongruous and odd, but I was thinking of you and this experience, then I distinctly heard from my guide,” there’s a closet.” So sorry. Is there a closet where you live, perhaps under a stair or any closet, really.  I don’t know what it means. Perhaps burn an incense stick anywhere in your place.

Also I think  SF offer of hypnotism is very wise.

I have a whole lot of closets in my current apartment actually, and I do usually neglect them when I cleanse with incense.

I think I will clear them out and do a cleanse this weekend, thank you

[IndigoSalvia]

I have been spending days in a good place where I allow myself to cry, to heal, to feel the separation and still move on with my daily life. I'd say that is how the majority of these past few weeks have been. But for a few nights a couple weeks ago I could not sleep due to being terrified. My ego was basically shattered, and I had great trouble showing myself the love and understanding to feel safe. After 3-4 sleepless nights that were accompanied by terrible pain in my lower chakras (some of the most intense pain I have ever felt, I believe it is a knotting up of energy in my light body because I am consumed by a fear of death, and by extension of falling asleep). I got through this initial phase of ego-death, but last night that same primal fear returned, and I was able to sleep for a few hours after talking to a family member to sort of remind myself who I am.

I'm just wondering if anyone out there has experienced anything like this. I feel alone in this sort of suffering, it is like repeated dark nights of the soul and I really am just afraid. I'm terrified of dying alone, even though I am a young and generally healthy person, I am having trouble showing myself love enough to put myself to sleep and trust in myself and God.

I don't know if it's any consolation, but you are not alone. I mean this spiritually of course, but as well, similar-experientially. 

I have been kept up before by racing thoughts and heartbeats that seem to be, shall I say, unavoidable as the day winds down. The quiet and stillness of the night can be especially hard for me. There is self being with self, without all of the distractions of a busy day. 

Does it feel helpful to visualize you and these fear thoughts/sensations sitting down together, relaxing and getting to know one another, say with loving curiosity? Or coming up with a way -- that feels helpful to you -- to greet these sensations and energies. 

And, as Confederation teachers recommend: balance these energies with their opposite, or complementary energies. (If only I could remember to do this more.) When you sense your lower rays 'knotting up', what does it feel like when those chakras are un-knotted? 

And, of course my favorite question to ask myself: where is the love in this topsy-turvy situation? And then I personally have to get out of my head and walk in my yard, touch plants, listen to sounds, ...
 

[pat19989]

I have been spending days in a good place where I allow myself to cry, to heal, to feel the separation and still move on with my daily life. I'd say that is how the majority of these past few weeks have been. But for a few nights a couple weeks ago I could not sleep due to being terrified. My ego was basically shattered, and I had great trouble showing myself the love and understanding to feel safe. After 3-4 sleepless nights that were accompanied by terrible pain in my lower chakras (some of the most intense pain I have ever felt, I believe it is a knotting up of energy in my light body because I am consumed by a fear of death, and by extension of falling asleep). I got through this initial phase of ego-death, but last night that same primal fear returned, and I was able to sleep for a few hours after talking to a family member to sort of remind myself who I am.

I'm just wondering if anyone out there has experienced anything like this. I feel alone in this sort of suffering, it is like repeated dark nights of the soul and I really am just afraid. I'm terrified of dying alone, even though I am a young and generally healthy person, I am having trouble showing myself love enough to put myself to sleep and trust in myself and God.

I don't know if it's any consolation, but you are not alone. I mean this spiritually of course, but as well, similar-experientially. 

I have been kept up before by racing thoughts and heartbeats that seem to be, shall I say, unavoidable as the day winds down. The quiet and stillness of the night can be especially hard for me. There is self being with self, without all of the distractions of a busy day. 

Does it feel helpful to visualize you and these fear thoughts/sensations sitting down together, relaxing and getting to know one another, say with loving curiosity? Or coming up with a way -- that feels helpful to you -- to greet these sensations and energies. 

And, as Confederation teachers recommend: balance these energies with their opposite, or complementary energies. (If only I could remember to do this more.) When you sense your lower rays 'knotting up', what does it feel like when those chakras are un-knotted? 

And, of course my favorite question to ask myself: where is the love in this topsy-turvy situation? And then I personally have to get out of my head and walk in my yard, touch plants, listen to sounds, ...
 

I love the visualization of sitting down with all of my thoughts and getting to know one another, I will definitely keep that in my mind as I move forward and these feelings come to surface. 

I too love to get outside, I find listening and observing is a consistent gate to the loving present.

Thank you so much for your thoughts

[flofrog]

Dear Pat

This is incongruous and odd, but I was thinking of you and this experience, then I distinctly heard from my guide,” there’s a closet.” So sorry. Is there a closet where you live, perhaps under a stair or any closet, really.  I don’t know what it means. Perhaps burn an incense stick anywhere in your place.

Also I think  SF offer of hypnotism is very wise.

I have a whole lot of closets in my current apartment actually, and I do usually neglect them when I cleanse with incense.

I think I will clear them out and do a cleanse this weekend, thank you

Lol dear Pat, I have no idea if this will change something, but… it always feels so good to do manual small jobs,  clean stuff.

My love is with you. I feel you will be ok.