Reconstructing

[dave.matador]

appologies, I need a few days...

[dave.matador]

Yes that needs clarification, I was never a matador, it was a jovial nickname given to me from friends who gave me a hand during my healing, after the bull. I do not in any way condone bullfighting, nor any kind of unbalanced interaction. I actually feel quite triggered by the concept when I think about it now, my work is not done.
Perhaps it is time I should change that. I thank you for bringing this to my attention.
I have a small herd of cattle, they are more like pets, and each know their name, back in the day, there were a number events that led to an imbalance and too many bulls. All a part of the catalyst.
Since, it is a peaceful place.

[edit: Is it at all possible to change my name?]

[dave.matador]

I feel a need to remake my account, I have strong resistance to the name I created. Interesting to discover now of all times...
But I guess that is the point...
I am not going far...
Blessings Brother...

[Diana]

I feel a need to remake my account, I have strong resistance to the name I created.  Interesting to discover now of all times...
But I guess that is the point... 
I am not going far... 
Blessings Brother...

Hi dave_matador. If you like, I can contact Austin and have your account deleted. In the meantime you can create a new account with a name you want. PM me if you want me to contact Austin.

Diana

[flofrog]

Please dave.matador, only change it if you don't really like it..... I don't think we ere really linking you to a bull matador...

[LeiwoUnion]

Words, or sound vibratory complexes as those of Ra could put it, can hold any meaning they are given. Just look at dialects, or all the different modern, old, and proto languages.

Matador could easily come from the proto persian/arabic meaning of 'checkmate' or 'shah mat' which often is given meaning 'the king is dead'. However the more accurate meaning is probably 'the king is helpless' or 'the king is stumbled'. When added the spanish suffix of 'person', 'doer' or 'action taker', matador perhaps becomes to hold the meaning of 'the stumbled one' or reversed and more grand 'he in whose face one is helpless'.

You may observe from this little linguistic gymnastics presentation how useless human languages actually are in holding meaning. So, my advice is to embrace your formerly chosen forumname in good humor and accept it as part of your unconsciously prepared working here. I mean, all of this discussion would have, shall I say, stayed in the void of potentiation, if you hadn't made this specific choice back whenever. Heh.

That being said, changing the name is of course fine too but it is well to contemplate for the true reasons for any feelings.

[dave.matador]

I have been fortunate... So fortunate to have the guidance.
I have done much meditation the last few days and with a little catalyst from one of you, I have balanced something that was only revealed to me by coming here and creating the name. The wonders of catalysts and distortions is something that I have fallen in love with. The feelings the emotions the triggers, this distortion no longer is what it was, it feels broken, but still works if you get what I mean. With every balancing comes an abundance of awareness, it is a beautiful thing. Though I begin to question if I manifest a situation (like my name) in order to create a situation that needs balancing.

The last few days have been odd, there is a powerful energy of both light and dark in my area, I presume the world, and maintaining balance is taking a need for meditation. Manifestation is very strong and seems to get stronger as the energy grows. But, all manifestations have been extremely positive.
I write slowly because there is much interference from my mind, my ego is strong, and writing while meditating is a difficult challenge.

I feel keeping the name has become important to me, and that is before I read your comments. Flofrog I can feel your warmth and compassion, thank you for your encouragement, I know I am not alone. And LeiwoUnion your words resonate with me in a very positive way. If you ever get to read my story you may find every one of your interpretations is actually correct, I hope one day I can discuss with you just how intuitive/accurate/descriptive your reply is to my experiences. The most resonant name is "the stumbled one". The interpretation 'he, in whose face, one is helpless' is a perfect description of me in my past looking in the mirror.

I will write a new story, and I will add the old one at the end. It will be long, and it is something I may not finish as in it may be an ongoing thing, and I will write a little at a time. I will make every effort to write from the open heart, and I will distinguish that from the ego. I sense that may not be necessary because many of you have the awareness to see. My wish is I can be completely open. Something I have never done before.

Diana, I sent them (llresearch) an email to delete it but it is no longer my wish. They have yet to reply, I can only hope they ask for confirmation first. Either way, I will remake new that which was. (Again, something relevant to my life).

There have been times since me waking up where the feelings both physical and spiritual have been so strong, the love one feels so powerful, tears come. I feel that now, again.

May you all feel what I am so fortunate to feel. Perhaps in some time/place I can show you...

["the stumbled one"]

Hello, the account did end up getting deleted, no matter, I went to recreate that which was and tried to put as little thought into it as possible.
the stumbled one holds more meaning to me than the name matador.. It took me on an adventure of discovering what does a name really mean... Without the interference of a thought, a name is somewhat irrelevant. A name is a form of segregation, a separating from other, a change of perspective with a label, it creates a separation of identity, I began to not feel comfortable with the concept of naming. Perhaps in another space/time the need to differentiate from or between other becomes irrelevant. I would like to meditate on this, perhaps you could join me. I welcome your thoughts and knowledge on this.
If it is ok, I will just continue as planned but keep my thoughts on this thread, as the context of change is important to me.

I have spent much time the last few days browsing this forum, something came to mind after reading in the depth of some old perhaps forgotten threads, some dark, some light... late last night...
There is a small forest near my house a little distance away, out of the way, there are some very old, kind trees, I feel welcomed, it is a place where my mind is easily left at the door, there are a few trees in the forest that used to hold a particular darkness, both in what I could see and feel. It brought back the memory of a Yoda quote:
Scene: Luke stops deep in the jungle, and sensing darkness emanating from a nearby cave, he turns to Yoda.
Luke: What’s in there?
Yoda: Only what you take with you.

[aWanderer91]

Welcome here!

My thoughts...on an ego level, a name is "just a label". Is has no meaning in the grand scheme of things. It's part of what I call "object consciousness".

On a soul level, a name is "a tie". It's a vibration. There's a certain amount of bondage tied to a label and I completely understand your reasoning for wanting a new name, regardless of what that reason is.

It goes back to a thread recently I read here, where someone said they don't understand why someone would delete their account. Their argument was, why not just leave it and not log in. I got their argument, but I also understood that why people would want to do this are numerous, but maybe most of all, it's the energetic tie to the account that they want to cut.

I believe it's also the reason why spiritual teachers change their name, of course the new name is of a higher vibration, but they are also cutting the energetic ties of their old name by doing this.

Anywho, welcome, and I did get to read your original post. It was very honest and thoughtful, thank you for your sharing.

[LeiwoUnion]

Oh my gosh did LeiwoUnion give you the idea for your new username. Glad to see your return.

It would be in my view closer to truth to say that he gave himself the idea by choosing the name originally and then making this thread with all of its little points and stages from which I was called to do the small part in translation about the name he chose but was unaware of its vastness of possible meanings. That being said, I'm very happy to have provided food for thought and contemplation, which is always and ever my only true point in staying in this environment.