05-22-2019, 02:55 AM
Blossom/Minyator - your speaking of feeling "sadness" and "painful" for someone being banned, is a bit difficult to read when I (and Glow) were spoken to in a really harsh, aggressive manner.
Do you forget he called me "the most hateful person here"?
- and Jade has explained further that what went down with that member 'behind the scenes' was very intense in terms of him continuing to be very abusive... yet still you have tender feelings for the banned member; but share no consolation to those here that he abused?
I don't feel sad for speedforce - I feel he has been given the gift of honesty, patience, tolerance, loving words said to him, and after all that failed - the kindness of firm and healthy boundaries which could help him in the future - by letting him know what people won't (after much patience) tolerate.
This has been a kindness to him. He may have otherwise received this lesson in an harsh or even violent manner from people far less tolerant and loving than we here are.
I feel compassion for him - and had a pang in my heart centre when I saw he was banned (with a line drawn through the name) - but I also love myself, Glow, and forum members and mods - and I especially value the stressful moderation that we know NOTHING OF that occurs prior to such a drastic decision. So consideration for all of us is the focus imo - not just the banned member.
In fact - not banning after ongoing aggressive behaviour - is actually a disservice to that person as well as the forum.
Diana wrote regarding the lack of basic politeness in modern (western) society - and this is something I was alluding to in one of my recent posts also - (as it's so pronouncedly missing from modern millennial/generation Z discourse.)
Victorian politeness and morals had much that needed to be disbanded - but there was a basic protocol of polite (but honest) interaction that still serves communication between people with differing ideas very well.
hence B4th's first guideline:
Do you forget he called me "the most hateful person here"?
- and Jade has explained further that what went down with that member 'behind the scenes' was very intense in terms of him continuing to be very abusive... yet still you have tender feelings for the banned member; but share no consolation to those here that he abused?
I don't feel sad for speedforce - I feel he has been given the gift of honesty, patience, tolerance, loving words said to him, and after all that failed - the kindness of firm and healthy boundaries which could help him in the future - by letting him know what people won't (after much patience) tolerate.
This has been a kindness to him. He may have otherwise received this lesson in an harsh or even violent manner from people far less tolerant and loving than we here are.
I feel compassion for him - and had a pang in my heart centre when I saw he was banned (with a line drawn through the name) - but I also love myself, Glow, and forum members and mods - and I especially value the stressful moderation that we know NOTHING OF that occurs prior to such a drastic decision. So consideration for all of us is the focus imo - not just the banned member.
In fact - not banning after ongoing aggressive behaviour - is actually a disservice to that person as well as the forum.
Diana wrote regarding the lack of basic politeness in modern (western) society - and this is something I was alluding to in one of my recent posts also - (as it's so pronouncedly missing from modern millennial/generation Z discourse.)
Quote:I would like to add something I have mentioned before here. And that is the concept of politeness, which has gone out of popularity societally. Children were taught manners and how to be polite long ago, during the Victorian age for example.
Politeness can mitigate extreme conflict. Politeness doesn't have to repress. Practicing it can give one a moment to pause, and not succumb to impulsivity, which often causes regrets. Impulsivity can cause us to spew without rational thought or check.
So, instead of feeling as though one has to fit into an STO box of cheerful and loving discourse when one is triggered, it might help to just think of being polite. Just that.
Victorian politeness and morals had much that needed to be disbanded - but there was a basic protocol of polite (but honest) interaction that still serves communication between people with differing ideas very well.
hence B4th's first guideline:
Quote:1) The Cornerstone
The key governing principle of the entire Bring4th community, and all L/L Research social media venues, is the request that all members treat others with respect, especially when disagreeing. The participant may disagree to the bone with an idea without personally attacking the author.