patterns of connection(to otherslves)

[Glow]

I have been noticing for a while that I do not have lots of chummy people in my life.

I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.

I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.

I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.

Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.

I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.

Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.

Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.

[AnthroHeart]

I find that when I do business with people, like major projects, after they're done, they no longer talk to me.
Even if I bring up needing another project, they still won't respond.
I used to be part of a spiritual group, and then for some unknown reason they stopped talking to me.
Even new people I've met on the web, we'll chat for a day, and then they stop responding.

I've not had anyone stick with me except my teacher, and I am paying her. But still, I've offered others projects who don't even turn them down. They just don't talk to me anymore.

So not sure what it is. I found that a lot when my book was being edited. The few editors I had did their job, and then stopped talking.

I've lost touch with many people this way. And I don't know what about me turns people off. I'm maybe too chatty. I've been blocked twice in social media by people for
I think being too friendly.

[Glow]

I find that when I do business with people, like major projects, after they're done, they no longer talk to me.
Even if I bring up needing another project, they still won't respond.
I used to be part of a spiritual group, and then for some unknown reason they stopped talking to me.
Even new people I've met on the web, we'll chat for a day, and then they stop responding.

I've not had anyone stick with me except my teacher, and I am paying her. But still, I've offered others projects who don't even turn them down. They just don't talk to me anymore.

So not sure what it is. I found that a lot when my book was being edited. The few editors I had did their job, and then stopped talking.

I've lost touch with many people this way. And I don't know what about me turns people off. I'm maybe too chatty. I've been blocked twice in social media by people for
I think being too friendly.

I wonder with you if it isn’t something innocent too.
You are very open, very innocent in a lot of ways and also very honest about your shadow. I wonder if people find that so unusual that they are not being able to mirror it back so just drop the attempt to relate.

You are quite wonderful so don’t take it as judgement. I think these things once we understand they get easier. My deep but intermittent connections used to make me feel like a regect or outcast but I kinda get it now.

It’s still weird to see over and over but it no longer hurts.


I should also add this happens almost across the board with clients same as you IG.
I mean they text me to tell me they love me and I mean so much to them out of the blue but they don’t wanna get together. It’s weird lol

I thought it was a typical expected business thing then I see this fellow Wanderer always social outside businesses with his clients.

It’s a me thing clearly and it’s ok just strange to see the opposite in front of my face so clearly.

[Glow]

duplicate

[ada]

There is a quote somewhere which I cannot find, that speaks about serving an individual from their own level of awareness or knowledge or however it was mentioned as. And I feel this is much related, often times I recognize that the level of connection that I desire from an individual will make them very uncomfortable in such and such a way that even they did not give thought about these issues and most likely kept it somewhere deep in their subconscious mind.

Also, there is a really nice Ted Talk that I also feel might be related if anyone is intersted in such things.

[Glow]

Going to watch that tonight. Thanks Blossom.

I should say I really am not digging for deep connection.
It’s slmost comical. I don’t even have to say anything just be in the same room and people are spilling their guts, like they’ve been emotionally bunged up and I’m the laxative.

I think you are right though. In some way they recognize something that cracks them open and while they appreciate it(I’ve actually tried stifling the exchange when I was rushed to no avail)
They seem awkward after, maybe over exposed.

Thanks Blossom gotta get ready to go out but I look forward to the ted talk.

[Stranger]

I know someone whose interactions with others are very similar to yours, Glow.

She is figuring it out still, but at present enjoys greatly connecting with other survivors of sexual assault or other trauma online, and helping them through their life's challenges. Although not looking for it, she receives deep appreciation, validation and encouragement from them.

Perhaps you too could find a group of others who do enjoy connecting deeply on a consistent basis?

[Infinite Unity]

I have been noticing for a while that I do not have lots of chummy people in my life.

I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.

I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.

I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.

Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.

I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.

Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.

Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.

Your face is my own, when you are blindingly light filled. I can see my own face more.

*Whispers* You are the only one.

I've had many the same experience with peers, and older human beings. However it always seems the younger kids are always drawn around me.

[Glow]

I know someone whose interactions with others are very similar to yours, Glow.

She is figuring it out still, but at present enjoys greatly connecting with other survivors of sexual assault or other trauma online, and helping them through their life's challenges.  Although not looking for it, she receives deep appreciation, validation and encouragement from them.

Perhaps you too could find a group of others who do enjoy connecting deeply on a consistent basis?

I do want to start working with the dying. I feel like that is a time people really need to be "seen" and tell their story.
I haven't quite yet figured out how to do that but it is something I am plotting to do. I have a few ideas I am getting ready to try.

[Glow]

I have been noticing for a while that I do not have lots of chummy people in my life.

I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.

I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.

I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.

Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.

I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.

Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.

Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.

Your face is my own, when you are blindingly light filled. I can see my own face more.

*Whispers* You are the only one.

I've had many the same experience with peers, and older human beings. However it always seems the younger kids are always drawn around me.

It's funny you mention children, have you noticed that when even the most polished and poised person opens up they start to carry a very innocent child like energy? After the sharing is over it leaves but I quite like seeing it.

[flofrog]

Glow, I so agree.. In my twenties I felt so out of it, and connections seemed so random. I was shy and felt so gawky. Today I find si easy to talk to anyone and it all seems so simple, and some deep connections can arise apparently so easily where suddenly you recognize someone as being so close.

[AnthroHeart]

It sounds like you two are already living in 4th density.

[Infinite Unity]

I have been noticing for a while that I do not have lots of chummy people in my life.

I have brief deep connections with a lot of people but then we really don't connect on the surface so I alternate with people(clients and acquaintances and even most friends and family) from being very much on the outside as" other" to being very deep into their depth, like reaching in or drawing out parts of them the light, and others never sees.

I make people cry and be emotional a lot. Pretty much daily. People who are otherwise very shut off in that way. Not from mean things just by seeing them and letting them expose themselves, be more vulnerable in my company than they can be even alone. It makes for very weird relationships. Ones with much love but infrequent and brief contact. No real chummy surface friendships develop because on the surface we are so opposite and most people live on the surface.

I am not complaining. I understand it now but in the past I couldn't figure out why I was always on the outside. Now I understand most cannot sustain that depth of connection for long. They don't want to feel exposed for long. They need to be less connected, even to themselves.

Another wanderer I know connects very superficially to everyone yet everyone feels bonded to him. There is not depth to their connection but they have an interconnectedness that my patterns do not allow.

I know neither is better or worse. Connection in anyways is great, it just seems so odd, that I can make one work and not the other.
Like what makes me useful in one regard also makes me useless in another. People come to me when they need to go deep, it's almost a Pavlovian response, they see me and starts spilling their guts. I doubt trained therapists have people crack that quickly but then they tootle off to live their life.

Anyways I am just talking aloud. Wondering if others have noticed their patterns that differ from the norm in human relating.

Edited to add that other Wanderer comes to me almost daily to find deep connection and I can with him connect on the surface. I just find it so strange how even in human connection a strength can also be such a weakness on both sides.

Your face is my own, when you are blindingly light filled. I can see my own face more.

*Whispers* You are the only one.

I've had many the same experience with peers, and older human beings. However it always seems the younger kids are always drawn around me.

It's funny you mention children, have you noticed that when even the most polished and poised person opens up they start to carry a very innocent child like energy? After the sharing is over it leaves but I quite like seeing it.

I have seen this many times.

[AnthroHeart]

I wonder with you if it isn’t something innocent too.
You are very open, very innocent in a lot of ways and also very honest about your shadow. I wonder if people find that so unusual that they are not being able to mirror it back so just drop the attempt to relate.

You are quite wonderful so don’t take it as judgement. I think these things once we understand they get easier. My deep but intermittent connections used to make me feel like a regect or outcast but I kinda get it now.

It’s still weird to see over and over but it no longer hurts.

I think maybe it's that I have a distorted sense of love, and others may pick up on that.
I did some card readings, and found that the love I feel for myself felt like tar and tasted bad.

I do hope you're right though, that one day I can get it. That I won't feel like an outcast.

In the world I've had two people stick by me, and they both are  getting money from me.
One is helping me though, and the other seems like a futile endeavor.

I think by loving myself more, in better ways, and seeing that, will help a lot.

[flofrog]

You are there Wolf, just consider yourself like a kid and see all that seems distorted is only immense efforts int this life, and should all be forgiven, and then, you rise new. You are just there