Vent (Trigger warning)

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

I find some ironic solace and peace knowing that no matter how much I hate God, my Creator will still love me.

Perhaps we're here to discover self hatred (hatred of Creator), to better know ourselves.

It is a rather complex and seemingly daunting experience, perhaps ever trippy to a soul.

And hey, living and hating is better than murdering yourself.  At least if you live you get to enjoy some things, like food or smokes.

Or beds and the peace of sleep and dreams.

But this society is very sick, and I don't know if God is to blame for that, or if that responsibility lies on the collective human shoulders who manifested this society.

Eitherway, something is wrong.  Maybe I'm here to fix it, why would I feel it so vividly otherwise? To just gawk at it?  Seems like an odd reason to feel such.

[Diana]

I don't feel positive anymore.

I hate humans, I hate this planet, and I hate God.

Ugly words... I'm being honest in the hopes that something will change.

Change is the one thing you can count on.

Feeling positive or negative is sometimes just reacting to circumstances. Acting with purpose is something that is not laden with emotion. 

The vicissitudes of human emotions can be countermanded with clarity of desire, goals, and most of all vigilance. But you have to want to do it. 

Anyone here who is in a good, or somewhat comfortable place, may not be able to grasp how difficult it can be when things are really tough. I have been on both sides of that fence. When life gets really tough, all the advice, which works so well in times of comfort, increases in difficulty to the point that improvement may seem impossible.

The first thing I would do is ask yourself: What would it take for you to want to stay here? I asked myself this when I realized that, while listening to a A Perfect Circle song, I couldn't sing the line, I want to live. I'd been through a hellish time and experienced a lot of loss.

Getting clear on the this enabled me to realize how little it would actually take for me to want to live on this planet. This clarity did not change the larger goals I have for myself (entrepreneurial goals); it just changed the sense of hopelessness. 

Hopelessness usually derives from not having a plan, and working toward that plan. Just flailing in the wind with no direction leaves one hopeless because of lack of direction. It makes one react instead of act (such as bailing out of a situation or locale). But reacting only serves to heighten the sense of being out of control of one's life. Taking action based on goals will do the opposite.

Once some goals are created (such as, you'd like to work from home), it's important to take steps, no matter how small, toward those goals. And then, the hardest part is being vigilant especially with your thoughts. When you start spiraling down, you can turn your attention to your goals. This works better for me than saying affirmations I don't believe. If your goal is to work from home, for example, and you are spiraling down, then go to your computer and work on SEOing your website, or go to your guitar and work on that song, or make a list of things you could do to start a business. The point is to interrupt the flow of energy toward despair and point it toward possibilities.