Catalyst of Friends

[MangusKhan]

I've been thinking about my friends, the various catalysts they offer me and the various reflections of myself which they contain. Then I got curious, what kind of friends do my fellow seekers on this forum have? What kind of catalysts do they offer you, and what reflections do you see in them? What do you think the grander purpose of your particular friend group is, in relation to your spiritual development?

You can post an overview of your group dynamics, a particular friend who is especially challenging/rewarding, a certain experience, or whatever. I would love to know. I'm especially interested in individuals and groups which have given you profound, moving or challenging experiences.

Cheers.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

I have a group of three guys I chill with.  T, S, and C.

I see myself in each of them and them in me.

T is often stubborn and judgmental, like me to a terrifying degree, yet he is also understanding if not selfish and tries very hard to do the right thing.  He's my best friend since middle school, we've been enemies and friends.  We're both dark but light.

S is autistic but my friend since middle school as well.  He's obsessed with flying.  I'm obsessed with spirituality.  Other than that we're both mostly quiet guys, he does occasionally jump the gun to incorrect conclusions though, as do I.  He also lies often, as I have done before too.  He's a bit stubborn as well.

C I have known since middle school but wasn't friends with him until after high school.  He's a total shut in, all his time is spent working then playing video games.  He's a nerd lol, but I'm equivalently nerdy towards star trek.

We're all stubborn losers we have figured out together.  All video game nerds.  All of us enjoy anime (or manga in my case), and we make a pretty interesting group of friends that crap talk each other but understand and tolerate and even enjoy each other.

[Glow]

You didnt share your perspective on your friends.

One is basically me that chose to take our catalyst through the path of anger and separation vs what was in my life the path through fear/saddness & love.

It has been my most difficult and transformative friendship. It has pushed me harder than any other to heal my wounds and seek only compassion and love. I honestly cannot be sure where his path will finish but my sense is his path with end up exactly where mine has(love/compassion) just later, hes exploring stuff I don't wish to see.

Another is pretty much my opposite energy- very calm, quiet, cool to luke warm where I am intense, warm to hot and interactive. No past trauma and lacked any  ability to connect empathy wise, but still virtuous and kind from a place of quiet wisdom ..... another friend used to call him Dexter like the show about the killer, because he is so easy going but lacked any real emotion.
Thankful for his inherent kindness as he would have been a great killer otherwise. Nothing touched his heart. His kindness was intellectual/wisdom driven.
He even figured there was something wrong with him because nothing hurt him or bothered him, he couldnt feel anything....took 23 years but we have learned a lot from each other. Most I would say in the last 3, the first 20 laid the groundwork.

He has often held space while I healed, my process was painful and not pretty, my child/youth experience was gruesome and I lost other people who got to see it and didn't want to be conscious of that darkness. None of it phased him.... it actually couldn't phase him even when we were both quite concerned by this, and I could have used some empathy. lol  23 years and just in the last year he really has started to feel things. Maybe it took 23 years of exposure to my intense feeling to wake that up in him, and the 23 years of his wise patience and the gift of never taking my pain personally while I healed.

I might think of more but for now...

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

It's kind of hard describing the patterns I see as they're very subjective. Perhaps in time I'll better be able to describe such experiences.

[MangusKhan]

Thanks for sharing, you two. I really enjoyed reading these. C_A your friends kind of remind me of my own ragtag group of misfits, and I relate to that challenging friend of yours, Glow. I have a young lady friend who when I met we just clicked like magic and came to the conclusion that we were soul sibling or something. She had a history of sexual abuse, and a big catalyst for me is watching this friend I love just destroy herself in so many ways, and trying not to get triggered from the stories of self-destruction she tells me. She's clearly a wounded wanderer, like so many others.

Friends were not something I really thought about as a child. I'd just walk around at lunchtime at school trying very hard to shoot energy beams from my hands. To no avail, sadly. Good thing though, because I would have been disintegrating the other kids back then. So friends have not been a priority for me since a young age, though I met and strongly bonded with a select few individuals. It was only in my teenage years I actually began trying to make friends in a more general sense, like wanting to be popular. It is only more recently still that I have actually appreciated having these close friends and recognised the blessing that is having these very close and clear mirrors of personality.

My best friend is my little brother. He was diagnosed HFA at a young age, and is really just one of the weirdest and funniest characters you'll ever meet. See, he's autistic, but at the same time he's amazingly self-confident and intelligent. He wasn't born human, so he's just used his intellect over the years to make do, and the result is hilarious. My sense of humour is completely warped by my life with this kid, I can't laugh at conventional stand up now. My brother actually coined a term for the kind of transcendental ridiculousness which he, and often I too, engage in: Divine Humour. Occasionally he'll pull thoughts out of my head since we've developed a psychic link. The time I definitely figured out this was happening was when I came home from uni and began telling my brother about an old classmate I'd met on the train. Mind you this classmate was an unknown individual to my brother. Somehow I completely forgot this guy's name just 30 minutes after seeing him, only for his name to then be blurted out by my little brother. I was like, "wait, how did you know it was A?" My brother replies with, "who's A?" Then we both just stood there in the silent and profound knowledge that some kind of psychic transfer had occurred. I really love the kid, I can't imagine having to be alone in this house without him and his constant assaults on my sanity. I used to be so horrible to him when we were younger though. Just lately he completely tore me apart for all my accumulated trespasses over the years. I didn't protest, it had been a long time coming. I'm just glad things are better nowadays, and it that means I have to endure some long overdue complaints about my behaviour then so be it.

I could write one of these for each of my few close friends but the sun's coming up and I think that means bedtime. I hope to hear of some more people and experiences when I awake.

[GentleReckoning]

I project whatever is necessary in order to learn from my reflection. I basically appreciate everyone as everyone provides a different mirror.

[Nau7ik]

I’ve always had a tight -knit group of friends. My way growing up was always having one best friend who I was very close to. We could talk about anything. I have many acquaintances, I’m a friendly person. But I only have a few friends who are of a deeper relation. That works best for me. (Saturn in 11th house, Capricorn).

I met my “second family” when I was in HS. His family had just moved into the house behind mind, on the other street. At the time, I was hanging out with my friend Destin. Joel was also his friend, and that’s how we met. Joel and his family, mother, two sisters, little brother. They can understand me and we love each other dearly. We’ve had to have had relations to each other in previous lives. I feel comfortable and at home with them.

Right now, my closest friend is Kayleigh. We knew each other in high school but we didn’t become close friends until recently, about a year and a half ago we stared talking again. It happened in a synchronistic way! I had a sincere and serious concern weighing on my mind and suddenly I had the thought that Kayleigh might understand me. So I took a step off of th cliff into the midair of unknowing and messaged her. (This was a risk, in my opinion.) Ever since we’ve had deep and meaningful conversations and discussions almost every day.

I am oh so grateful for my friends! They’ve been an incredible support on my life journey. We can share our joy and sorrow. You know you’re not alone and that you have others who love you and truly care for you. This is a gift and a blessing.

[Minyatur]

Right now, my closest friend is Kayleigh. We knew each other in high school but we didn’t become close friends until recently, about a year and a half ago we stared talking again. It happened in a synchronistic way! I had a sincere and serious concern weighing on my mind and suddenly I had the thought that Kayleigh might understand me. So I took a step off of th cliff into the midair of unknowing and messaged her. (This was a risk, in my opinion.) Ever since we’ve had deep and meaningful conversations and discussions almost every day.

She knows this song?

[xise]

I've been blessed in that my good friends over the years are generally ones who have only served to bring about seemingly positive catalyst in my life. I'm pretty sure I pre-programmed at least one childhood best friend (who I've been best friends since I was 5 years old till today, 31 years later). It's a blessing because he is one of the few friends I can actually exchange spiritual concepts with and who also does see himself as a wanderer though these concepts are more of a curiosity than a real interest of his.


I'm very selective about my friends, but this comes easily and effortless for me because I'm an (outgoing?) introvert. I say introvert because I really enjoy and regenerate my energy when alone and really cannot stand small talk, so it takes a person/people that I really click with and enjoy spending time with to make me give up the joy of spending time with myself. I put outgoing because when I'm fully recharged, I'm great for 2-4 hour stretches at parties, being able to enjoy going up to and talking to strangers as well as having fun joking around. I generally don't like doing this more than once a month, however.


I do have more negatively seeming catalyst with others, but usually only from coworkers or acquaintances for the past decade since I've gotten very good at distancing myself from those who inject negative catalyst into friendships or relationships. When I speak of negative catalyst I am usually talking about stupid social games that people play to achieve dominance in a social circle or within a relationship. I have zero interest in being a part of dominance games. I also find that external projection of internal distortions is another issue that often manifests as negative catalyst in relationships and friendships. This is something I used to do in the past myself, but I do much less now. However, because of my experience with the phenomenon, I see it immediately when one projects their internal issues onto the relationship/friendship and disavows personal responsibility for their own feelings, and I tend to move on from people who do this repeatedly. It's amazing how often people forcefully use others as mirrors repeatedly via unconscious projection (though projection is one of the many forms of mirroring) - often on the same old exact lesson they've been exposed to dozens of times - instead of just directly accepting personal responsibility for their own feelings and seeing the inner distortion for what it is. It's definitely something both spiritual and nonspiritual people do with some frequency.


I do however learn greatly through my friend's own negative seeming catalyst. Right now a lot of trouble marriages in my friends circle, and listening to their issues closely I can see the distortions at work. But even if I am asked and offer good advice, so many people are stuck to their expectations and their beliefs, or they know their beliefs are the issue but they don't prioritize their time to meditate or spend other time actively changing their beliefs, instead keeping themselves super busy with work or other things that they barely have a chance to breath. The lessons that my friends experienced and are experiencing have and are shaping my life choices, as you can learn from another's supposed mistakes. Also, with my friends, I don't grow distant with lack of contact, but I think others who surround themselves with people and friends do. My guess is that we become wired differently the more time we spend with others, and perhaps in a certain energetic sense share our energies with one another. Because I minimize my energetic sharing on a friend level by being selective about my friendships, and perhaps I don't interact as much socially as other - I don't lose touch with a friend who I haven't spoken to for months/years in my mind. But I find they sometimes do on their end. It is what is it. 


Overall I would say that friendships are a big aspect of sharing love and living in the moment for me. I truly value my friendships, as they make walking this earth go from an overall somewhat lackluster experience to a very enjoyable one, and for that I'm very thankful.

[MangusKhan]

I've been blessed in that my good friends over the years are generally ones who have only served to bring about seemingly positive catalyst in my life. I'm pretty sure I pre-programmed at least one childhood best friend (who I've been best friends since I was 5 years old till today, 31 years later). It's a blessing because he is one of the few friends I can actually exchange spiritual concepts with and who also does see himself as a wanderer though these concepts are more of a curiosity than a real interest of his.


I'm very selective about my friends, but this comes easily and effortless for me because I'm an (outgoing?) introvert. I say introvert because I really enjoy and regenerate my energy when alone and really cannot stand small talk, so it takes a person/people that I really click with and enjoy spending time with to make me give up the joy of spending time with myself. I put outgoing because when I'm fully recharged, I'm great for 2-4 hour stretches at parties, being able to enjoy going up to and talking to strangers as well as having fun joking around. I generally don't like doing this more than once a month, however.


I do have more negatively seeming catalyst with others, but usually only from coworkers or acquaintances for the past decade since I've gotten very good at distancing myself from those who inject negative catalyst into friendships or relationships. When I speak of negative catalyst I am usually talking about stupid social games that people play to achieve dominance in a social circle or within a relationship. I have zero interest in being a part of dominance games. I also find that external projection of internal distortions is another issue that often manifests as negative catalyst in relationships and friendships. This is something I used to do in the past myself, but I do much less now. However, because of my experience with the phenomenon, I see it immediately when one projects their internal issues onto the relationship/friendship and disavows personal responsibility for their own feelings, and I tend to move on from people who do this repeatedly. It's amazing how often people forcefully use others as mirrors repeatedly via unconscious projection (though projection is one of the many forms of mirroring) - often on the same old exact lesson they've been exposed to dozens of times - instead of just directly accepting personal responsibility for their own feelings and seeing the inner distortion for what it is. It's definitely something both spiritual and nonspiritual people do with some frequency.


I do however learn greatly through my friend's own negative seeming catalyst. Right now a lot of trouble marriages in my friends circle, and listening to their issues closely I can see the distortions at work. But even if I am asked and offer good advice, so many people are stuck to their expectations and their beliefs, or they know their beliefs are the issue but they don't prioritize their time to meditate or spend other time actively changing their beliefs, instead keeping themselves super busy with work or other things that they barely have a chance to breath. The lessons that my friends experienced and are experiencing have and are shaping my life choices, as you can learn from another's supposed mistakes. Also, with my friends, I don't grow distant with lack of contact, but I think others who surround themselves with people and friends do. My guess is that we become wired differently the more time we spend with others, and perhaps in a certain energetic sense share our energies with one another. Because I minimize my energetic sharing on a friend level by being selective about my friendships, and perhaps I don't interact as much socially as other - I don't lose touch with a friend who I haven't spoken to for months/years in my mind. But I find they sometimes do on their end. It is what is it. 


Overall I would say that friendships are a big aspect of sharing love and living in the moment for me. I truly value my friendships, as they make walking this earth go from an overall somewhat lackluster experience to a very enjoyable one, and for that I'm very thankful.

Great thoughts and insights. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have at least one of those great childhood companions. I have a friend such as this, and I am certain we will be friends until the birds and worms eat our discarded bodies. Wonderful at holding space for me and everyone else he knows, and completely open to all my spiritual discussion and beliefs, and is always down for a bit of the old drunken midnight skateboard. He is the only friend who I have never hurt, and who has never hurt me. Except when I first met him as a kid and discovered that he was much better than me at drawing. I hated him for that until I actually talked to him one day, then it was like magic. His ability at this point has so far outstripped me it's ridiculous. Look at this thing he just sent me.