Love and confusion.

[ayadew]

Hello, dear friends. I give praise to you for giving the possibility to communicate with you through this channel, and for all the factors it depends on being affirmed.
I would like to express my current feelings about things in general, so to speak, and my situation in life, for I have need of both your advice and to put my feelings to words. I am not sure what this text will be, but if it is meaningful for you to read in any way, I am honored. Use it however you wish.

I struggle with love in life. I have an excess of wisdom, trying to learn love with wisdom - intellectually defining it and then trying to understand it by such, but this is quite a futile path.

That I write this is quite paradoxal, for I try to put love to intellectual words and I will also receive such, and it will as such likely not lead to a further understanding of love itself. But perhaps it can lead to a subjugation of my wisdom, to give the love a little more room.

In meditation, I try to quiet the understanding/intellect, to simply Be, but the love often escapes me. In my life, I have felt little love at all, and I am increasingly aware of that my foremost reason to be here is to learn of love. I enjoy being with my friends, but I 'love' them just as much as a common stranger. This also applies to my partner, whom I know loves me deeply, which sometimes gives me feelings of guilt of being unable to honestly feel the same. I wish to give all entities equal love, but this seems to in turn led to me spread the love I have understood our equally towards All, making the love of every individual entity quite diminished. Yet every individual entity is One, so it should base no problem, but it seems to do.

I catch myself now writing about love from the perspective of wisdom, if it can be defined as such, going through metaphysical concepts. I'm not sure if this was my original intention. How can one put love to words? It seems limited, I wish we had telepathy again, it was so easy then. Sharing feelings and intentions. If we could have that now, the love would be much easier to reach. That this concept exists is a great catalyst though, that you may wish it for yourself or for all.

I almost never feel an intense feeling of love due to things that could be defined as big or phenomenal in our common perspective. It's a leaf falling down slowly from a tree, a man losing his hat to the wind, the mechanism of moving my fingers, the unintentional touch by my partner, such things. In a way, these things are fantastic though. The very fact that our little atom-other-selves combined effort brings us this possibility.

What are your ways and doings to bring yourself closer to the love and harmony that exists everywhere? Intellectually, I can understand the paradox of that to gain everything one must do nothing, simply Be. Yet this eludes me. Perhaps my skills in meditation are still lacking. My mind is very much stuck in the concepts of paradoxes. To remove this is part of subjugating my wisdom.
For as I walk through life currently, I try to feel instead of understand. And sometimes it happens, where I feel the love of All streaming through me. To know that this exist is sometimes enough to disencourage me to do anything in this existence, for I know that I and we will all return to this point. And sometimes the fact that I came here for a reason grips me equally hard, and thus I have motivation again. Paradox, paradox.

Is there a state of mind that surpasses these paradoxes? Perhaps that's what I'm seeking and what I've always been seeking. A mentality where all possibilities intervene, the right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right and all is harmonious, for it is all that is. If this is the Creator, then I have a long way to go...

In loving confusion and dedication
peace and harmony to you, my dear friends

[Turtle]

That I write this is quite paradoxal, for I try to put love to intellectual words and I will also receive such, and it will as such likely not lead to a further understanding of love itself. But perhaps it can lead to a subjugation of my wisdom, to give the love a little more room.

My friend, you find yourself in a life where your mind will probably never satisfy you. It is limited in it's speed and capability to solve the paradoxes of life, I think we both know that deep down. Trying to mentally search for an answer to your problem concerning the confusion around love will drive you in circles most likely.

The best advice I feel I can give you, can be applied in your meditations. Let your mind rest, a BIG mental sigh... and feel your chest heave with every breath. This helps me feel like I am tuned to pure love, and your mind might surprise you with adequate thoughts/images to follow behind the vibration of love. Godspeed, and I'll send you good vibes in my next meditation!

[3D Sunset]

Greetings dear ayadew!

Your post resonates with me strongly and I am filled with thoughts that need some organization for me to try to express coherently, let alone logically. Please accept for now, my love and light and understanding of your situation, until I have sufficient time to construct a more thoughtful reply.

Remember that in each moment is all the love of universe, which is readily available to any who seek it.

Love and Light,

3D Sunset

[ayadew]

Hello Turtle.

Yes, this mind is very limited in itself. In my early days of school, I was very confused with myself because I had a feeling of remembrance of simply solving math-problems and such by looking at it; the answer coming intuitively. This clumsy brain must learn the basics again, and again, for it forgets.

I focus very little on breathing in my meditations, both mental and physical. I will follow your advice. Thank you for the advice, and your helpful intention.

3D Sunset:

I am grateful for your thoughts and understanding. As I pour my souls content into something, even the smallest change/reaction such as your post is enhanced many times inside me.

[Monica]

ayadew, thanks so much for sharing!

I think what you are describing is that calm centeredness that transcends duality...the stillness of the yin/yang, the eye of the hurricane...centered in the heart.

In addition to the suggestions already made by others, I offer these seemingly little things...they may sound trite, but for me, these small things have helped to get out of my head and into my heart, which is the foundation.

Get a cat. Holding a purring cat is a great way to still the mind and awaken the heart.

Swim with dolphins. Not trained dolphins, but wild dolphins or those in a facility where they are treated with respect. A transcendental experience that altered my state of mind for weeks afterwards!

Practice Tai Chi or Yoga

Listen to Kitaro with headphones and just let yourself melt

Eh, I'm not saying that these simple things will resolve all paradoxes, but hey, it's a start!

[ayadew]

Monica, thank you for your answer. I can completely relate to your interpretation.

Earlier in my life I had more feelings in general, and everything was more chaotic as I experienced all the catalysts of this world. There was many feelings of sadness, yet there was also equally powerful feelings of love. A true ying/yang relation. As I have approached the middle, as you say, I feel little of any sides, and I am very comfortable with both my male and female side.

To "get out of my head" is an accurate description indeed.

To swim with 'real' dolphins sounds fantastic. The mere thought awakens me to love! The little things are what I require, I believe. More of the small things, that are so much more. That brings nothing if it's analysed, since it's only feelings.
No great concepts, no great truths and marvelous ideas. I am growing closer to knowing, not understanding, that this density is not the one of understanding.
I have come far on my spiritual path in a short time. I likely am too hard on myself.

To force the love to arise is contra-productive.

[airwaves]

Ayadew, would giving all of your love to one person be so different from loving all equally if we are all one? Try it! You need not learn love in this density that is for 4d. Save next densities work for the next density in my opinion. All that you are here to do is lighten the mood by being yourself and to polarize further.

Though I do have to admit that finding/learning love is a good bonus

[ubergud]

Hi ayadew,

I feel your frustration, a humble, curious, seeking, weary, loving frustration. Like a desire for the blue pill you will never take here ... to fully embrace the simple pleasures of being without feeling the weight of life's apparent inequities. I wonder if the mind (of a wanderer -- or intuitive, intelligent, compassionate or empathetic) needs a higher degree of distraction to appreciate love. To experience the joy of taking in all experience without judgment, just for the joy of the experience.

The 'problem' here in 3D seems to stem from our apparent need to apply judgment to all action and thought. The nature of that judgment varies greatly, even to startling contrast, depending on the beliefs that we hold. If we consider the veil something we agreed to with intention and 'foreknowledge', then perhaps it is these feelings and experiences we sought.

Another possibility is a truly quantum infinitely parallel universe of belief driven experience in the now. That each paradox is the juxtaposition of opposing beliefs, each creating a time/space branch into a co-existent parallel universe. The obvious paradoxes then only being paradoxical from the perspective of any one time/space branch attempting to consider the infinite others. Intelligent infinity *is* infinite after all, and therefore, in LOO terms possible, perhaps even likely. When I consider this, it allows for the *create your own universe* paradigm, allows for true Free Will, and is certainly centered in love. Where the experiences of an individual are *real* to the individual, but the observed experiences affecting other-selves are the illusion. Where the 'running accumulation' of these infinite 'individual' choices are the food from which the infinite now produces new experience either in potential or actual (depending on choices, including time/space branches, etc.).

Sorry, that went way back to intellect or intuition again didn't it :-P. Us wanderers can tangent like none other. When I think about my most joyous moments there are two aspects, the newness of the experience (i.e. compared to the weight of other experience) and its perceived benefit to myself and all involved. I remember for example, Disneyland the first time, much of the most fun of that experience was in the parking lot, with all the possibility and wonder and mystery promised by the mountaintop of the Matterhorn over the enormous hedge. The fireflies dancing around the boat and the mystery of the old man and the gator in the swamp, the drop into the land where 'Dead Men Tell No Tales' ...

Perhaps this place is a 'Mystery Machine' (homage to Scooby Doo :-P), to provide that experience. The question being whether we let our realization of the increasing mystery (it really never has decreased here, has it?) increase our fear or our wonder, our joy or our sorrow, our desire or our acceptance. Mind, these thoughts rolls out of my heart quite easily, despite being held up for questioning by my intellect. But something like that feels right as a greater perspective, while not giving my day-to-day practical as much to work with -- life's structures give too much complication to allow the heart's musing complete latitude.

Peace and Joy as you desire it,

Jason

[ayadew]

Hello my friends.

I've had a rest period lately. To quote Laitos:

This rest period is very necessary to the seeker. It is not something to be despised or to bring sadness. It is like the breath. The breath must exit in order to re-enter. If we may again use an analogy, as this instrument is fond of doing, we would say it is like the striking of the axe against the tree. It is much harder to cut down a tree if one places the blade of the axe against the tree and pushes with all one’s might. It is much more effective to swing the blade back and not have any contact with the tree before the blade then swings forward and hits the tree with fervour.

My armour of light is diminished in these periods though, and I am very susceptible to negative greetings/attacks. I feel them deep in my very being, the negativity bursting out in situations where I remember myself being completely calm and loving. I remember the feelings so deeply, yet I cannot achieve it, for something is in the way - likely myself. Meditation mostly removes these barriers from myself, and protects me.
But I am still spiritually exhausted, and it doesn't take long before the attacks continue.

airwaves: I am currently trying to love my partner and my closest friends as much as possible, thinking of them very often and sending positive intention. I suppose you are right, but I rather send love to All. Perhaps I'll change my mind in time. Love and harmony to you, my dear other-self.

ubergud: I thank you for your reply. "the joy of the experience" is an important subject, to simply Be and enjoy the moment. For the moment is all that exists, and the illusion of all 'different' moments may be reached from this moment.

I am attempting to quiet my intellect more and more. This seems to be a constructive path, although it does lead to some erratic behaviour since I let my mind run free without restraint.

New moments are indeed wonderful, the mystery and the adventure. Imagine infinity. Infinite discoveries, joy and love. My mind melts at the mere thought.

Peace and Joy as you desire it also, my dear friend.

Be well.

[Richard]

Hello, dear friends. I give praise to you for giving the possibility to communicate with you through this channel, and for all the factors it depends on being affirmed.
I would like to express my current feelings about things in general, so to speak, and my situation in life, for I have need of both your advice and to put my feelings to words. I am not sure what this text will be, but if it is meaningful for you to read in any way, I am honored. Use it however you wish.

I struggle with love in life. I have an excess of wisdom, trying to learn love with wisdom - intellectually defining it and then trying to understand it by such, but this is quite a futile path.

That I write this is quite paradoxal, for I try to put love to intellectual words and I will also receive such, and it will as such likely not lead to a further understanding of love itself. But perhaps it can lead to a subjugation of my wisdom, to give the love a little more room.

In meditation, I try to quiet the understanding/intellect, to simply Be, but the love often escapes me. In my life, I have felt little love at all, and I am increasingly aware of that my foremost reason to be here is to learn of love. I enjoy being with my friends, but I 'love' them just as much as a common stranger. This also applies to my partner, whom I know loves me deeply, which sometimes gives me feelings of guilt of being unable to honestly feel the same. I wish to give all entities equal love, but this seems to in turn led to me spread the love I have understood our equally towards All, making the love of every individual entity quite diminished. Yet every individual entity is One, so it should base no problem, but it seems to do.

I catch myself now writing about love from the perspective of wisdom, if it can be defined as such, going through metaphysical concepts. I'm not sure if this was my original intention. How can one put love to words? It seems limited, I wish we had telepathy again, it was so easy then. Sharing feelings and intentions. If we could have that now, the love would be much easier to reach. That this concept exists is a great catalyst though, that you may wish it for yourself or for all.

I almost never feel an intense feeling of love due to things that could be defined as big or phenomenal in our common perspective. It's a leaf falling down slowly from a tree, a man losing his hat to the wind, the mechanism of moving my fingers, the unintentional touch by my partner, such things. In a way, these things are fantastic though. The very fact that our little atom-other-selves combined effort brings us this possibility.

What are your ways and doings to bring yourself closer to the love and harmony that exists everywhere? Intellectually, I can understand the paradox of that to gain everything one must do nothing, simply Be. Yet this eludes me. Perhaps my skills in meditation are still lacking. My mind is very much stuck in the concepts of paradoxes. To remove this is part of subjugating my wisdom.
For as I walk through life currently, I try to feel instead of understand. And sometimes it happens, where I feel the love of All streaming through me. To know that this exist is sometimes enough to disencourage me to do anything in this existence, for I know that I and we will all return to this point. And sometimes the fact that I came here for a reason grips me equally hard, and thus I have motivation again. Paradox, paradox.

Is there a state of mind that surpasses these paradoxes? Perhaps that's what I'm seeking and what I've always been seeking. A mentality where all possibilities intervene, the right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right and all is harmonious, for it is all that is. If this is the Creator, then I have a long way to go...

In loving confusion and dedication
peace and harmony to you, my dear friends

Ayadew,

I think you are being too hard on yourself. I wouldn’t worry about it so much. We all have seemingly futile paths to work on. I’ve got several..one of which lies along the same lines as yours. But when I get too tough on myself, I recall one of my favorite quotes by Qu’o. It comes from a channelling given on 3-24-96 about “Balancing”.

“It is the tenuous, half-grasped witness of the imperfect entity that is precious to the infinite Creator, not the polished conclusion of a scholar or aesthete, but, rather, the diamond in the rough, if you will, of the person as it is, bearing witness to that catalyst which has struck it…."

Take care,

Richard

[ayadew]

Indeed, I am very hard on myself.
I often forget that it's not necessary to take life seriously.
Thank you for your quote. I will treasure it.

Be as daisies upon the wind, without blame...

[xlsander]

a very interesting thought indeed - and to be perfectly honest i rather have the opposite as my challenge.
I tend to quickly develope very close relations to the people in my environment. What I rather deal with is my own expection to be "loved back equally".

It happened countless times already in my life that ultimately i was disappointed or rather say hurt in my feelings/heart/love when people showed me their "real face" - not necessarily always a "bad" real face but usually I tend to expect too much compassion and attention on each one's thoughts and feelings from the people around me and that is why i often became disappointed and frustrated/depressed.

I just recently "discovered" the idea of unconditional love and keeping one's mind tuned in to positive thoughts and feelings.
I must add that i did not learn about the LOO before the beginning of this year - but my "way of perception and feeling" has always been a very "too much loving one". So I am so greatful for this kind of information to finally be able understand how to work upon my challenges - why i am here the way i am - so to speak.

So what i now do is that i do not set these expectations any more and simply love and when i am let down by someone on any issue no matter if small or large i try not to be bothered/frustrated to be forgiving and to focus on all the other love around me (and) to cheer me up (I noticed somehow almost every person i know sees the glas half empty - i try to turn this way of dealing with things around to rather focus on a drop in a glass before being negative about why it's empty).

Besides I ask the creator while meditating to help me to strengthen my understanding/forgiveness/love ability and I also hope/whish for that person to as well
discover the love which makes life so beautiful - since i believe if everyone just loved each other we'd be in 4th density for quite sometime already (of course ).

Since I started doing all this and basically have my mind always dealing with thoughts of understanding, love and positivity,
my life got way nicer - and even the small things now become more and more beautiful - plus it seems one attracts more and more situations in which ones love is tested - so if one can get through these and polarize more also good things happen unexpectidly quick - obviously there are infinite ways for catalysts to come
(both kind).

Why i write this is that my challenge was/is too much love and the feeling of being let down or hurt quickly made me depressed -
so "all" i had to do is to go inside myself and change my own expectations and my focus of perception -
thus not being too hard on myself and on others in order to slowly but surely learn how the way of unconditional love works

much love everyone

Alex

[ayadew]

Those are wonderful thoughts xlsander. Thank you for sharing.
I try to remind myself that life is not complex, it's quite simple. And it's not serious and dangerous. There is only love, if one choses to. And if that exists, why would you chose anything else.

[AlexKawajima]

Those are wonderful thoughts xlsander. Thank you for sharing.
I try to remind myself that life is not complex, it's quite simple. And it's not serious and dangerous. There is only love, if one choses to. And if that exists, why would you chose anything else.

Hello everyone.

Love and Confusion yes, I have known these things and still do. I just realized the way I am talking makes me appear wiser......well sure why not.

My awakening came about 5 years ago maybe, maybe less and I realized that depression was a state of mind and if you want to be happy its really quite simple. I had many reasons to be down, from lovers cheating on me to lost opportunities, but I decided to forget it all and not live in the past. Nowadays I am happily married (not so sure it is shared by my wife, who I love dearly), and we are expecting our first child in less than a week.

I feel I have become a more positive person in general. I really like the positivity of life, it just resonates beautifully and makes sense to me. I have not meditated much, but I seeek to in hopes to better myself even more and open the channels for the love to come in even more. My only real meditative experience was the group session at the end of one of David Wilcock's lectures in California last February. I had an amazing experience and it was very beautiful and mindblowing.

I feel the importance of love of all things, not just limited to the love of my wife and I know the signifigance the heart has in relation to the universe and beyond. I think by also starting to do meditations more I can also focus more, as lately I have been clouded on hardly able to focus. Me and my wife are thinking of doing Yoga soon. Hopefully our relations improve as well as she has been really depressed lately and emotional (Pregnancy will do that, I know), I hope that it is just a passing stage. It can be a tad bit frustrating as she has a hard time exressing herself to me and although I somehow manage to still keep a positive mind of it, I am not sure it works the same for her.

Anyways, love can be confusing, but I advise
to embrace it and in turn it will do the same to you.
That is what resonates with me anyway.

Have a good day everyone.
Peace and perseverance.
-Alex

[ayadew]

Thank you for your words AlexKawajima

[Sirius]

Love is just a word, but what matters is the connection it implies. (I watched Matrix 3 yesterday ) As this is all paradoxical mayble another translation for your Love/wisdom may come in handy, after all they are two requirements for unity. I don't think we can have too much wisdom ever. We are still here as proof of that lack really.

What I have read about buddhism(speaking generally from little research) is that it concentrates on zeroing out all thigns good and bad to a neutral level. This is useful but I feel once you are close to that mentality, it has served it's purpose. You have made an equal bar to respect people from oneness about, I feel what you need to do is raise this bar metphoricly, that you feel this love more, but also shared, as you have learnt to. Maybe raising this bar could simply be something as learning to love yourself, and then everybody around you to the same degree.

I liked Monicas thoughts on get a Cat My cat trashes the house but is still pretty funny about it hehe. But as the same difference, You could just plant a seed, as I have said in another thread, The ammount of love I am feeling as a result is astounding

I hope your wisdom can sift through my muddled thoughts

Love and Light my friend.