If you activate your green-ray too early, how do you repair the damage?

[ches]

I was going to send in a question to the podcast but I can't seem to "shorten" it enough to be podcast-worthy because it needs context, so at least I'll express it on the forum and hope that maybe someone has been through this and has come out the other side:

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If you activate your green-ray too early, and you go crazy into a delusional world where you see the creator in everything and everyone and unconditional love for all, but then a new catalyst appears to make you doubt everything which sends you down into despair, how do you repair it? If I activated it too early, how do I fix the damage that I have done within my own mind/body/spirit complex? I have a closed-heart now, and can't seem to 'tap back in'.

I went from seeing all as creator and having unconditional love for all that is, to 'terror/fear/crippling loss of beliefs', to now a kind of 'nothingness'. I'm very stable now but I don't 'feel' anything and although I appreciate the stability, I miss the 'love' and vibrancy and seeing all as the creator, it's just 'not there' anymore.

I actually felt like I had de-evolved but something tells me this catalyst is also part of my journey somehow, but I wonder now what I can do. I can't talk about this with 'normal people' because they would lock me up or drug me. So I've been kinda battling these thoughts alone for the past few years.

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Background if needed for context:
About 3 years ago I did an unusual mind-experiment on myself, after yearning for the 'truth' of the universe, and living the Law of One, having downloads and "oneness/hugged-by-life" experiences, and one evening, I had an insight/breakthrough of some kind and decided to go with it.  

I was in a state of love, unconditional love and bliss at the time, trusting my experience, and I wondered 'what else is possible?'... "what else is possible if we lifted the lid on what is possible, if we 'believed' in 'more than' what we have limited ourselves to believe". What would happen if I decided to really trust life, to surrender to life, to trust everything on my path is for my highest-good and that we are really the creator, creating all of this. In my yearning/desire and 'messing with my beliefs', I awoke the next day with a "knowing" that it was true - I had stepped into this new creation - my mind completely flipped and I believed it without any doubt. I surrendered my heart to my surroundings, and was living now completely in another reality.

This was the start of my psychosis. It was real to me, but not to anyone else. I'm trying to keep this short because I don't want my question to be ignored by it's length, yet provide enough information to at least hopefully get on the same page.

This bliss attracted some unsavioury characters and events, however in my "psychosis", nothing was unsaviory - everyone was there to receive my love - and if any fears came up - they were there to help me. I was there for love, to hold space for everyone, that was my purpose, I was the lantern to light the way and I fully knew this was my path, and it felt wonderful and 'true'. I felt I was getting divine messages to help too.  

What I think happened is that I activated my green-ray too early somehow, and went crazy. I thought that I had already "done the work", and was living in some kind of 4d bliss - seeing the creator in everyone and everything. I was getting visions and dreams and life seemed to 'dance' around me, everything was so wonderful and magical.

Once I flipped, an event happened that brought me back down to earth. I wasn't ready for this and I ended up putting myself in a position where I was harmed as a result, I lost all faith in everything, including the Law of One and seeing the creator and especially in my ability to trust myself or my intuition/beliefs. I flipped from positive to negative, from certainty to despair. Traumatized and unable to see a way out.

I've been now doing work on myself for the past couple of years, the IChing has helped a lot - I resonated because it was like a wise old man helping me back to safety. After all this time, I have pulled myself back to stability, but I don't feel anything, no compassion, no love, no hate, no fear, nothing. I have no emotional guidance system anymore, it's all.. nothing/empty. I miss my vibrancy and loving nature, but I don't miss the fear (all this shadow-work has definitely helped with removing fear that I didn't even know was dwelling within me). I've been trying to love and accept the experience, to realize that everything is for my highest good, & baby-step back into the Law of One beliefs; albeit not so strong on the whole 'we are the creator' thing because I don't want to send myself loopy again.

Yesterday I came across one of the LL podcast episodes about going mental if you activate the green-ray too early (with the example of hitler, although mine was more his counter-part, being "too loving") and I thought - maybe, finally I have found a group that might understand what happened, maybe it's something to do with this green-ray being activated too early by my insistence/belief/will, which ended up being a major catalyst to work on all my past stuff.

The only other things that came close to resonating when seeking answers to my bizarre behaviour is kundalini awakening (almost identical), and psychosis (lots of those with psychosis had the same crazy as I did). If that is what happened to me, do you know how I would "repair".. is it possible? I have documented this journey because I kept thinking it was going to be a few weeks and that what I learnt in the process would help others, but as the weeks turned into months, and the months into years.. I'm still wondering when I'm going to make the 'breakthrough'.

[MangusKhan]

Hi Ches,

welcome to the forum. Your story is indeed relatable, not only to me but also to others here, I'm sure. I've had very similar experiences and I've seen friends have this experience. I believe it's actually quite common among the spiritual seekers. I remember fondly the first time it happened to me, I was invincible and radiant. It was beyond doubt that I was here chosen for some great mission to save the planet. I remember falling down over two meters onto some jagged rocks while out with friends and being completely uninjured, my body having been reinforced by loving energies, like a shaolin monk or something. I had done it! I had opened myself up to god and love and the universe and life was going to be a walk in the park from now on.

Right? Wrong.

I now understand this experience to have been completely premature and severely imbalanced. Just like you, I suffered an awful crash. It's been a few years now, and I still alternate between opening and closing my heart chakra, but the alternations grow more and more subtle, moving from the extremes of the past to simply different level of openness. I now have great faith that all is and has been going according to plan. Certainly, it is the same with you, whether or not you believe it. The act of seeking love, of seeking enlightenment, is never in vain.

As for your particular context, you may wish to consider that one a deeper level of your being, you actually don't want to go back to love yet, even if in your conscious mind you say you do. You may not wish to put yourself in that position again. I know that it is definitely a constant theme in my life, opening the heart, getting stepped on, closing the heart. Not wanting to make yourself vulnerable. Needing control. It's so easy to love, until you are thrown into the maelstrom of human relationships and interactions. These issues are not of the heart, but rather they are of the lower centers. Once smoothed out, love becomes not this frantic, overpowering feeling which leads you to a crash, but rather the smooth knowing of unity which you can call upon at any time, subtly and powerfully guiding those human interactions, refining your personality to further and further extents.

In closing, I would say that all is well, and you have good things to look forwards to in the future. With that, dear sister, I ask you to be at peace and to have faith and determination in your own path. A pendulum cannot swing forever.

[Cainite]

Same thing happened to me!

My friend told me that the kindness and patience she saw in me were just symptoms of mental illness.
I had become very positive and faithful. but then one night I began doubting everything including Law of One.

It was the worst night of my life. and after that I became very numb.
It's not that bad! I'm now kinda detached as buddist monks aim to be.
But I miss nothing more than my feelings.

You will read many posts here that you can relate to. you're not alone.

Heart chakra is not the only chakra that's about love. as Manguskhan said I also believe that your problem is lower chakra blockages.

[Aaron]

Maybe this will help?
http://llresearch.org/transcripts/issues..._0313.aspx

I think it's acceptable to "not 'feel' anything" in these times because as we integrate our spirit complex with our mind and body complexes, we need to create this space of conscious awareness. I think it is like a healing silence, anchoring higher density energies. I think this sense of detachment allows one to experience emotions with more clarity, and is different than being blocked in orange ray. I don't know if that's what you're experiencing, but maybe it can help to think of it that way?

[YinYang]

That's a great session, Aaron! Love it! "Don't be so serious" Precious advise! :-)

[AnthroHeart]

I unintentionally activated my upper chakras all the way to my 3rd eye before I was ready and it cause me to hallucinate and get schizophrenia. I'm on meds for it now.

Now I just experience freaky and sometimes dark dreams. I am facing my shadow much earlier than I expected I would.

[ches]

Thank you all very much for your advice and validation and... actually for your understanding and resonance most of all. It's been a ride.

It's really comforting also that what you advice to me is the same as I would advice others going through it, so it makes me feel like I'm 'on the right path'.

Mangus, definitely true about not trusting enough to open heart, or even be joyful/happy because I now relate "happiness with shame/humiliation/harm". I think when I see suggestions - even in the Law of One material that say "send love" etc and I don't "feel" any love to send, that it kinda beckons me to keep doing the work to find my heart again because it's like, even though I've stabilised, I feel more like the observer of the game rather than the participant when there's no 'feelings' to work with. Even though it's good to not have those highs/lows anymore (no more 'overpowering anything'), just balance. (I used to think there was something wrong with me if I wasn't 'happy' hehe, so to not be in that place anymore, to just be centred and grounded and calm, is a good break from the 'always chasing the higher vibe', but... when I look at people that I love and feel nothing, and have no real passion/motivation for anything, it's kinda like.. errr maybe a little too disconnected? I like not being attached but I still want to be able to trust, and I still want to feel... but maybe it's all unfolding perfectly as designed xo

Thanks Cainite, definitely miss my feelings too, and yeah I agree about lower-chakra blockages..  I think I activated green-ray too early in my rush to advance - before 'dealing with my past (that I thought I was already done with) - very hard to navigate the world when you can't trust your own intuition and only see 'wrongness' of you but this underlying "... but I still think I'm right..." lol .. "...but if I can't talk about it with anyone, maybe they are right.. maybe it's 'me' that's delusional"... etc etc..

Thanks for that link Aaron, it had answers about 'why my illness' also returned after seemingly curing myself completely of emphysema (from death-bed to completely healed - younger and more vibrant than I'd ever felt in my life), when the trauma struck, the illness returned, albeit weaker symptoms than before probably because I still kept that 'identify' of myself of 'healed' in that particular department. These channellings could get my delusion back lol.. although I fear getting it back at the same time... and yet have the secret-banner behind me with #IWantToBelieve

Yeah I do tend to think life is actually easier now without all the emotions getting in the way, with more detachment.. and yet it kinda feels unloving at the same time. Constant state of questioning myself. Although life is easier and less 'manic' without the emotions, there is also less 'care'. Even though I do still care - about humanity - about people - about family - about all that is, I don't feel what others are feeling anymore hehe.. so it's like I'm missing an arm or antenna or something without these emotions. I used to deeply and empathetically "feel", and now it's just as if I don't even know what people or feeling or connect to them at that level at all because I'm like an empty vessel.

As I 'step quietly back in' to the Law of One teachings again, I resonate again with it all so much that it's very validating to 'come home' and I'm eagerly reading everything again, but taking baby-steps 'reintegrating' compared to before, allowing life to teach me at it's own pace, rather than trying to consume all the knowledge of the universe in one foul swoop like I used to

[ches]

I unintentionally activated my upper chakras all the way to my 3rd eye before I was ready and it cause me to hallucinate and get schizophrenia. I'm on meds for it now. Now I just experience freaky and sometimes dark dreams. I am facing my shadow much earlier than I expected I would.

I had hallucinations too (angels, demons, souls), and really freaky dreams (being 'fed' word-for-word information to give to others).
Deep dark night of the soul, hellfire experience getting back to wherever I am now, and I don't even know where that is. Every single belief had to be removed and contemplated, every trauma re-investigated, every mystery of the world that I had ever brought into my reality had to be fine-tooth-combed to try and unscramble my brain and get back to some kind of 'normal' where I can navigate life again. I shouldn't of been driving or going to work or trying to communicate with anyone, my mind was fried.

What kind of hallucinations were you having? Like save-the-world stuff?
I literally had to stop myself from yelling into the microphone at my workplace to try and save everyone a few years ago. I don't know what stopped me. Some guiding hands from somewhere because I was really convinced that I had to save these people. So many dreams about it too. Then bringing demons in made my fear even worse when I was trying to understand it.. it was like (maybe evil really DOES exist and they are attacking lightworkers.. ) ..   My mind went completely cross-eyed on the journey from there to wherever I am now.

[YinYang]

Once I flipped, an event happened that brought me back down to earth. I wasn't ready for this and I ended up putting myself in a position where I was harmed as a result, I lost all faith in everything, including the Law of One and seeing the creator and especially in my ability to trust myself or my intuition/beliefs. I flipped from positive to negative, from certainty to despair. Traumatized and unable to see a way out.

Do you not think this event left you a little traumatised or shaken, and that it's possible - I'm just throwing ideas around - that you are just still somewhere in the depths of despair (PTSD).

Opening the heart again after it was trampled definitely takes time, but there comes a time when the heaviness starts to lift. It's different for everyone.

I'm reminded of this little passage in the Ra material:

Questioner: Thank you. Can you give me examples of catalytic action to produce learning under each of the following headings from the last session we had… Can you give me an example of the self unmanifested producing learning catalyst?

Ra: I am Ra. We observed your interest in the catalyst of pain. This experience is most common among your entities. The pain may be of the physical complex. More often it is of the mental and emotional complex. In some few cases the pain is spiritual in complex-nature. This creates a potential for learning. The lessons to be learned vary. Almost always these lessons include patience, tolerance, and the ability for the light touch.

Very often the catalyst for emotional pain, whether it be the death of the physical complex of one other-self which is loved or some other seeming loss, will simply result in the opposite, in a bitterness, an impatience, a souring. This is catalyst which has gone awry. In these cases, then, there will be additional catalyst provided to offer the unmanifested self further opportunities for discovering the self as all-sufficient Creator containing all that there is and full of joy.

I wish you all the best in this challenging time.

[ches]

Do you not think this event left you a little traumatised or shaken, and that it's possible - I'm just throwing ideas around - that you are just still somewhere in the depths of despair (PTSD).
Opening the heart again after it was trampled definitely takes time, but there comes a time when the heaviness starts to lift. It's different for everyone.
I wish you all the best in this challenging time.

Love this, and yes I think about this constantly... this ever-questioning of whether this 'wherever I am' is my "new normal" (to not feel anything) like an upgrade, or whether I am still in the depths of coming out of the trauma, that even though the "mania" is gone and I'm no longer trying to save everyone or seeing anything dark and I'm accepting where I am as part of the path, that the heart will return when I've 'done the work'.

Resonate a lot with that Ra quote... I shall probably start searching specifically for catalysts in the archives to see if there are more clues. I wonder maybe if I'm entering the new level now as I'm about to leave that job where it all played-out, leave this city that I'm in, leave my current living situation (they sold the house so we're all having this major-life-change at the same time) and move into the unknown, maybe this is the next catalyst opportunity.

It's possible because I still have to 'face' my catalyst everytime I go to work, and keep choosing forgiveness and acceptance and balance everytime I'm there, that this 'next phase' of life, with the total change of people and environment will offer new challenges and opportunities that may help me to trust again. I have progressed so much over the past couple of years and have started trusting my own intuition again (cos they aren't as manic), but just those 'missing feelings' whilst useful in re-gaining stability, just doesn't feel right to me.  

It's interesting in that Ra quote about the offering of new catalysts. Something happened a couple of months ago and my words were... wow, thank you universe for showing me that I can trust myself again. An identical situation with an identical archetype came into my life again and with this 'new me' that lives in my own integrity without the people-pleasing factor (always used to change myself to keep everyone happy, even to the detriment of my soul's values), was tested, and passed with flying colours, able to hold space for another without losing my own sense of self.  Ever-learning on this journey

[Nau7ik]

Maybe this will help?
http://llresearch.org/transcripts/issues..._0313.aspx

I think it's acceptable to "not 'feel' anything" in these times because as we integrate our spirit complex with our mind and body complexes, we need to create this space of conscious awareness. I think it is like a healing silence, anchoring higher density energies. I think this sense of detachment allows one to experience emotions with more clarity, and is different than being blocked in orange ray. I don't know if that's what you're experiencing, but maybe it can help to think of it that way?

I'm thinking he's experiencing second and third ray blockage. When one moves into the open heart, or rather the courtyard of the open heart (as Q'uo and Carla have called it), all of the shadows come out. All must be loved and accepted and integrated; in the heart all things are revealed. Most of us are still doing this work. It's challenging!

My suggestion would be to keep a journal of your day. Write your feelings, thoughts, and experiences of the day. Reflect and look back on it at the end of the day, and you can start to discern where your blockages reside. This gives an indication of the work to be done. Also what Aaron said above. The silence is healing. It helps to clear our minds to see and hear and feel more clearly.

Be well, my friend! Love and Light be with you

[Sprout]

54 times throughout all sessions. Three words.

Ra: I am Ra. All is well.

You did not come here to save the world, or humanity.
Think about it, would you dive into the void without knowing that all is well?

This somewhat doesn't answer your question but I hope I was of aid.

[AnthroHeart]

I unintentionally activated my upper chakras all the way to my 3rd eye before I was ready and it cause me to hallucinate and get schizophrenia. I'm on meds for it now. Now I just experience freaky and sometimes dark dreams. I am facing my shadow much earlier than I expected I would.

I had hallucinations too (angels, demons, souls), and really freaky dreams (being 'fed' word-for-word information to give to others).
Deep dark night of the soul, hellfire experience getting back to wherever I am now, and I don't even know where that is. Every single belief had to be removed and contemplated, every trauma re-investigated, every mystery of the world that I had ever brought into my reality had to be fine-tooth-combed to try and unscramble my brain and get back to some kind of 'normal' where I can navigate life again. I shouldn't of been driving or going to work or trying to communicate with anyone, my mind was fried.

What kind of hallucinations were you having? Like save-the-world stuff?
I literally had to stop myself from yelling into the microphone at my workplace to try and save everyone a few years ago. I don't know what stopped me. Some guiding hands from somewhere because I was really convinced that I had to save these people. So many dreams about it too. Then bringing demons in made my fear even worse when I was trying to understand it.. it was like (maybe evil really DOES exist and they are attacking lightworkers.. ) ..   My mind went completely cross-eyed on the journey from there to wherever I am now.

I kept thinking I had to die like Jesus to save people, except the room turned into a giant microwave oven that would kill me that way. But there wasn't any pain. It was just freaky.

[xise]

If you are a wanderer like many of us, our lessons usually concern red, orange, yellow centers - most often orange since that is a sticking point for both earth-native souls and wanderers - and opening the higher centers does indeed speed up our lessons. So the red-root/orange-sacral/yellow-solarplexus concepts the main ones to ask about in processing your experiences. Then you can get back into green ray while being grounded.

Ra actually notes that Jim, a positive-background 6D wanderer, specifically expresses a lack of compassion for the self (a distorted orange-sacral belief) in order to better balance love and wisdom:

59.3 Questioner: I have a question from Jim that states: “I think I have penetrated the mystery of my lifelong anger at making mistakes. I think I have always been aware subconsciously of my abilities to master new learnings, but my desire to successfully complete my mission on Earth has been energized by the Orion group into irrational and destructive anger when I fail. Could you comment on this observation?”

Ra: I am Ra. We would suggest that as this entity is aware of its position as a Wanderer, it may also consider what pre-incarnative decisions it undertook to make regarding the personal or self-oriented portion of the choosing to be here at this particular time/space. This entity is aware, as stated, that it has great potential, but potential for what? This is the pre-incarnative question. The work of sixth density is to unify wisdom and compassion. This entity abounds in wisdom. The compassion it is desirous of balancing has, as its antithesis, lack of compassion. In the more conscious being this expresses or manifests itself as lack of compassion for self. We feel this is the sum of suggested concepts for thought which we may offer at this time without infringement.

[ches]

I'm thinking he's experiencing second and third ray blockage. When one moves into the open heart, or rather the courtyard of the open heart (as Q'uo and Carla have called it), all of the shadows come out. All must be loved and accepted and integrated; in the heart all things are revealed. Most of us are still doing this work. It's challenging!

My suggestion would be to keep a journal of your day. Write your feelings, thoughts, and experiences of the day. Reflect and look back on it at the end of the day, and you can start to discern where your blockages reside. This gives an indication of the work to be done. Also what Aaron said above. The silence is healing. It helps to clear our minds to see and hear and feel more clearly.

Be well, my friend! Love and Light be with you

All of the shadows did come out, it was unexpected since I was not seeing anything as not perfect - I was seeing the creation in everything - murder, rape, war, all the wrongs of the world didn't seem wrong - it was all part of it, that we all signed up for our unique roles, it was all this creation exploring creation and choosing all these different experiences to learn more of itself to love, to learn how to love deeper, to choose love in the most horrendous situations. I had unconditional acceptance/love of all of everything (I thought).  

This new catalyst, showed me there's a lot of things that I still hadn't accepted but my mind, because of the experiment maybe or because of this green-ray thing activated too early.. when faced with all the things that I didn't know that I hadn't accepted, I was convinced that I was put there for that reason - as like a jesus figure (or more like angel) - to accept the unacceptable, to forgive the unforgivable, to help when "noone else on the planet" would understand or be able to hold space or send love.

This co-worker, I was trying to "hold space" for, a safe space where he can always be safe and share anything - I said to him even if you have murdered an entire village, your are safe here". I knew he had something that he thought was really dark, and I was sent there to help.

Incest, him 'working with others' with the sole-intention to harm me (maybe even kill me), and those who would try and 'blow out the candle' of those shining the light - on purpose, with glee, for the I guess feeling of superiority or ego-boosting reasons, or their own shame - trying to put down another to build themselves up? But while I was "in it", I didn't see that part of it, that wasn't my world at all. I only saw potential, love, and was trying to provide a safe-space so that he could forgive himself and be what he came here to be, to see life as I saw life, to have a bottle of my bliss instead of living in the dark. But once I saw (via visions) that it was being done to me as well, the fear was intense, but should I trust my dreams (that were telling me to help him) or these new visions that I had never experienced before (that were showing me what he was actually doing), my whole foundations shook and everything came tumbling down. I couldn't believe that I had attracted this to myself because I was in such a good place and because I thought I was creating everything too - that kinda made things harder because it was like I wouldn't believe that I could be harmed, so I loved harder, higher, got more involved instead of getting out of there - at that stage, I couldn't.

Then my brain was like.. you are so delusional, this is really bad situation - these people belong in jail and are harming people and here you are, sending them love. Girl, you've gone completely mad.

Never in my life could I imagine coming into this, that this would happen. My brain kept flipping between "wanting to hold space for the highest good, to see them as the creator" and "holy s***, what have I got myself into here, how did this happen, why is all this happening, how did I get myself in this situation?".

I turned into a succubus to the guy that I was trying to help and then maybe there was some merging of energies or something, and I couldn't hold my light anymore because now its a "people problem".. had to go "mainstream" on myself instead of "spiritual" to try and get through it. (My lesson in this case was never become intimate with someone who you are here to help because it confuses everything, to always stay in your own integrity/values)

It brought up so many things. How do you accept incest? At the time, I accepted what he was doing because I saw us all as choosing this path, but when I started doubting myself and really seeing what he was doing as wrong, I was like.. crap, crap, crap what do I do? Is he harming his sister? Should I be reporting him somewhere? Or is this all part of creation? Was I sent here to help her or help him? My mind went cross-eyed. I couldn't work out what I was supposed to do, so I decided that I could save him (by showing him who he really was) and that would ripple-effect to save her and anyone else that he was hurting. Unfortunately - before I got a chance to do anything, once he had let out those 'secrets' to me, I became his next target of harm. Maybe he was feeling ashamed at what he had done and now had to destroy me "the one person who knows"?

I couldn't handle it though, I gave my love to hold space for his 'higher-version' to heal and ended up in the hell-fires as he cut off communication with me and spread rumours about me, and each time I was trying to "do what love would do".. forgive, accept, not play the game. But it really did a number on my mind.

I really felt like I was led there, so I definitely resonate with something being activated too early, because it wasn't a "romantic" interest, this all sort of unfolded as I saw how much pain he was in and felt that I could help - not only that I could help but that I was 'sent' to help, that I was the 'only one' who could. I held all this love for him that poured out of me. It was really delusional and crazy.

The IChing helped me see "my part in the play".. where I had gone outside of my own integrity which was my lesson to learn. If I was 'there' to help, then being intimate with him was not 'benevolent'. That I had my own issues with 'worthlessness' that I was trying to get him to fill - which was impossible for him to do. It grounded me, brought me back down to earth. And was a massive part in healing, so many lessons, so many beliefs I had to remove and rewrite. Major catalyst for lifelong healing, lots of shadows that I didn't even know were there to work on. I filled up about 200 journals, did youtube videos (mainstream-friendly, not all this crazy, trying to do it the way a psychologist would.. you know.. work on my own wounds, try and figure it out from a non-law-of-one perspective), blog posts, and lots of contemplation time trying to unscramble my crazy beliefs that I was here to help anyone, that the creator is in all, and all the while, still feeling like my role is to forgive and accept and love lol.

[ches]

54 times throughout all sessions. Three words.

Ra: I am Ra. All is well.

You did not come here to save the world, or humanity.
Think about it, would you dive into the void without knowing that all is well?

In my mind at that time, I was here to save humanity. Not alone, that I was a wanderer, that was my mission & I was perfectly happy with that role, it sung to my soul. I still kinda believe it actually, I'm working on the lightworkers project right now to bring people together to help each other.

Yet, I can still see that I had wounds, that I could accept what he had done, but I couldn't accept what he had done 'to me'. My own identity-to-the-world was damaged - I was humiliated/ashamed that I would step outside of my own integrity to help another and end up being that person's target. Mind couldn't compute that. Had to go 'mainstream' on myself to deal, turn off all spiritual crazy stuff, and yet, still had all the Law of One kinda beliefs in me (even before I had read the Law of One, this was the stuff that I used to believe myself, which is why it resonated with me so much when I finally read it).

Had to put law-of-one stuff on the backburner and everything else I had believed to try and walk through my life-traumas one-by-one to see where the blockage was that caused this insanity. Yet there's still this underlying 'we are here to be the change' resonating in my being. I don't know.

[ches]

I kept thinking I had to die like Jesus to save people, except the room turned into a giant microwave oven that would kill me that way. But there wasn't any pain. It was just freaky.

I resonate except the microwave. I felt like I was sacrificing my own soul - taking one for team humanity - to save another soul. Like an angel :/
And rather than a microwave, I ended up in the pits of hell-fire.

[ches]

If you are a wanderer like many of us, our lessons usually concern red, orange, yellow centers - most often orange since that is a sticking point for both earth-native souls and wanderers - and opening the higher centers does indeed speed up our lessons. So the red-root/orange-sacral/yellow-solarplexus concepts the main ones to ask about in processing your experiences. Then you can get back into green ray while being grounded.
Ra actually notes that Jim, a positive-background 6D wanderer, specifically expresses a lack of compassion for the self (a distorted orange-sacral belief) in order to better balance love and wisdom:
59.3 In the more conscious being this expresses or manifests itself as lack of compassion for self.

Thank you, yeah definitely lack of compassion for self. Though completely blind to it at the time.
How do you ask about red-root/orange-sacral/yellow-solarplexus concepts to work through those?

[xise]

If you are a wanderer like many of us, our lessons usually concern red, orange, yellow centers - most often orange since that is a sticking point for both earth-native souls and wanderers - and opening the higher centers does indeed speed up our lessons. So the red-root/orange-sacral/yellow-solarplexus concepts the main ones to ask about in processing your experiences. Then you can get back into green ray while being grounded.
Ra actually notes that Jim, a positive-background 6D wanderer, specifically expresses a lack of compassion for the self (a distorted orange-sacral belief) in order to better balance love and wisdom:
59.3 In the more conscious being this expresses or manifests itself as lack of compassion for self.

Thank you, yeah definitely lack of compassion for self. Though completely blind to it at the time.
How do you ask about red-root/orange-sacral/yellow-solarplexus concepts to work through those?

I want to thank you for your question. The pondering of what words to use to answer your question, and the searching of www.lawofone.info has led me to a personal discovery and I suppose a personal theory, which I will explain later. But in short:

Make a choice, to believe yourself worthy as a human being, unconditionally. Make a choice, to love yourself, unconditionally. Throw out all personal/societal/familial/cultural/religious rulesets when embracing this concept. For example, it is very common to believe that you are not a good person if you don't do something, or if you do something, or if you desire something. These are all distortions of the orange-ray, though the logic mind will tell you that they help conform behavior - but control is the occasional method of the unawakened and the go-to method of the negative polarity, so let those control-belief mechanisms wilt away. When you water yourself with self-love, you will begin to radiate your true self, and when paired with basic red-ray/root work, you will become much happier, just to exist. Trust yourself (but it can important to recongize impulsive desires that stem from distortion as opposed to deeper desires of your true self).

So the typical example for me of this, is when I have a day where I just don't feel like going out, or spending time with my parents (they are local) - in the past, I'd use the belief system of "one should spend time with family" to control and slave drive myself into spending time with them, but ultimately the time spent was poor and I felt drained because I'm an introvert that needs to recharge by myself. Now, I give gifts to myself, set aside me time, regardless of whether it is reasonable or goes against societal or familial expectations. I know, trust, and have faith in myself that I am not a selfish person, and I know trust, and believe that self-care and self-love and days off for mental health (not just work, but any obligation!) is important and critical for me. It gives me great energy that springboards into natural empathy when I do hang out or interact with others.

With respect to the other rays, red and yellow, the red is about your view on life (worries, fear, about the future, or money, or just being bored and not having fun in life, or anger, are pretty on point concepts here), and the yellow on your view of relationships with others, usually groups. I don't have many thoughts on yellow (maybe because I rarely have problems interaction with others or groups/have a job involving public speaking, or maybe I have yet to understand my own yellow ray catalyst) so I'll differ to others. I would also say that the energy centers and their associated concepts are sometimes best studied and understood by reading multiple explanations of them, because sometimes two people say the exact same thing using different words, and those different word choice can enable someone to understand it where they couldn't before. So I invite others to also comment.

-----

But back to the theory that your question helped me decide: The theory is this: that all the rays of a non-primary nature - the orange, green, and perhaps the indigo - are rays involving choices (Ra describes the red, yellow, and blue being primary rays, involving interaction). 

The orange ray involves a fundamental choice of how to view/feel about/treat the self. 

The green ray involves a fundamental choice of how to view/feel about/treat others. 

The indigo ray involves a fundamental choice on how to view/feel about/treat the self as the Creator, and maybe the others, as the Creator (not sure about others). 

Might not sound like a lot, but thinking about the non-primary rays in this way I feel has unlocked a great bit of wisdom on understanding the concepts within them, and I thank you for that.

Thank you ches 

[AnthroHeart]

I kept thinking I had to die like Jesus to save people, except the room turned into a giant microwave oven that would kill me that way. But there wasn't any pain. It was just freaky.

I resonate except the microwave. I felt like I was sacrificing my own soul - taking one for team humanity - to save another soul. Like an angel :/
And rather than a microwave, I ended up in the pits of hell-fire.

There was also a time when I was feeling down and typed into YouTube "Ra, are you there?"

Then I found a song called "Do you Call My Name?" by a group named Ra.

But it was a very dark song. I thought that my actions had trapped Ra in Negative space and that Ra was going to come after me for doing that to them.
I did get a little scared, but I thanked Ra anyway for teaching me a lesson. I wanted to be a furry anthro. At other times I wanted to be an angel, and thought I had to go through trials to get there.

[Stranger]

Maybe this will help?
http://llresearch.org/transcripts/issues..._0313.aspx

Slightly off-topic, but the following quote in the transcript is one of the most confusing sequences of words I've encountered:

The more sure awareness an entity has of the illusory nature of an illness, then the less this illness can actually create in the way of sickness. If there is a basic key to healing as opposed to curing, it is this: the awareness of the entity moves to that place where that entity feels sure this is reality, where that energy is when the entity states to itself, “This is who I am.” This is, indeed, who that entity is, where that entity will move, what limitation this will attend for learning and what suffering it shall enjoy as it learns.

Would someone like to take a crack at explicating it?

[ches]

[quote='Stranger' pid='230749' dateline='1501121141']
The more sure awareness an entity has of the illusory nature of an illness, then the less this illness can actually create in the way of sickness. If there is a basic key to healing as opposed to curing, it is this: the awareness of the entity moves to that place where that entity feels sure this is reality, where that energy is when the entity states to itself, “This is who I am.” This is, indeed, who that entity is, where that entity will move, what limitation this will attend for learning and what suffering it shall enjoy as it learns.
Would someone like to take a crack at explicating it?

My crack at it: "Believe you are well and you will be well"  
Or maybe something like: illness is an illusion, what you think you are is 'what you are'. If you believe in the illusion of illness, it will manifest into sickness. If you wish to have a limitation to learn from, then you will embody an entity that has that limitation for you to learn from.

[ches]

If you are a wanderer like many of us, our lessons usually concern red, orange, yellow centers - most often orange since that is a sticking point for both earth-native souls and wanderers - and opening the higher centers does indeed speed up our lessons. So the red-root/orange-sacral/yellow-solarplexus concepts the main ones to ask about in processing your experiences. Then you can get back into green ray while being grounded.
Ra actually notes that Jim, a positive-background 6D wanderer, specifically expresses a lack of compassion for the self (a distorted orange-sacral belief) in order to better balance love and wisdom:
59.3 In the more conscious being this expresses or manifests itself as lack of compassion for self.

Thank you, yeah definitely lack of compassion for self. Though completely blind to it at the time.
How do you ask about red-root/orange-sacral/yellow-solarplexus concepts to work through those?

I want to thank you for your question. The pondering of what words to use to answer your question, and the searching of www.lawofone.info has led me to a personal discovery and I suppose a personal theory, which I will explain later. But in short:

Make a choice, to believe yourself worthy as a human being, unconditionally. Make a choice, to love yourself, unconditionally. Throw out all personal/societal/familial/cultural/religious rulesets when embracing this concept. For example, it is very common to believe that you are not a good person if you don't do something, or if you do something, or if you desire something. These are all distortions of the orange-ray, though the logic mind will tell you that they help conform behavior - but control is the occasional method of the unawakened and the go-to method of the negative polarity, so let those control-belief mechanisms wilt away. When you water yourself with self-love, you will begin to radiate your true self, and when paired with basic red-ray/root work, you will become much happier, just to exist. Trust yourself (but it can important to recongize impulsive desires that stem from distortion as opposed to deeper desires of your true self).

So the typical example for me of this, is when I have a day where I just don't feel like going out, or spending time with my parents (they are local) - in the past, I'd use the belief system of "one should spend time with family" to control and slave drive myself into spending time with them, but ultimately the time spent was poor and I felt drained because I'm an introvert that needs to recharge by myself. Now, I give gifts to myself, set aside me time, regardless of whether it is reasonable or goes against societal or familial expectations. I know, trust, and have faith in myself that I am not a selfish person, and I know trust, and believe that self-care and self-love and days off for mental health (not just work, but any obligation!) is important and critical for me. It gives me great energy that springboards into natural empathy when I do hang out or interact with others.

With respect to the other rays, red and yellow, the red is about your view on life (worries, fear, about the future, or money, or just being bored and not having fun in life, or anger, are pretty on point concepts here), and the yellow on your view of relationships with others, usually groups. I don't have many thoughts on yellow (maybe because I rarely have problems interaction with others or groups/have a job involving public speaking, or maybe I have yet to understand my own yellow ray catalyst) so I'll differ to others. I would also say that the energy centers and their associated concepts are sometimes best studied and understood by reading multiple explanations of them, because sometimes two people say the exact same thing using different words, and those different word choice can enable someone to understand it where they couldn't before. So I invite others to also comment.

-----

But back to the theory that your question helped me decide: The theory is this: that all the rays of a non-primary nature - the orange, green, and perhaps the indigo - are rays involving choices (Ra describes the red, yellow, and blue being primary rays, involving interaction). 

The orange ray involves a fundamental choice of how to view/feel about/treat the self. 

The green ray involves a fundamental choice of how to view/feel about/treat others. 

The indigo ray involves a fundamental choice on how to view/feel about/treat the self as the Creator, and maybe the others, as the Creator (not sure about others). 

Might not sound like a lot, but thinking about the non-primary rays in this way I feel has unlocked a great bit of wisdom on understanding the concepts within them, and I thank you for that.

Thank you ches 

Beautifully said.. a little harder to do in practice lol but it should be easy shouldn't it... if we are creator-experiencing-creator, then shouldn't we love unconditionally the creator? But oh-so-many things that brings up these days because of what transpired. The 'not giving myself permission to be happy in public' is one.. but yeah I can see where even thinking this would help me with inner work. There is some mismatch in my mind, that basically brings up "if you're happy - they're going to pull you down, if you shine - they are going to blow-out your light, and if you trust - you are going to be harmed".. these things, albeit I don't believe them as much now that so much time has passed and much inner-work has been done, but they still have a thread-of-truth for me I'm sure.

Aside from that, I do like your example and pretty much live that way, except for when I'm at work, which is actually where the problem continues to come up (whenever I'm "not" aligned to who I am, it's generally at work). I now work only the weekends as a result, and take "me time" 5 days a week (Mon-Fri) when others are working.

The orange ray involves a fundamental choice of how to view/feel about/treat the self.
The green ray involves a fundamental choice of how to view/feel about/treat others.
The indigo ray involves a fundamental choice on how to view/feel about/treat the self as the Creator, and maybe the others, as the Creator (not sure about others).

This is really good, I'm going to refer to this when I'm doing contemplation-work because it's pretty insightful, well done

[ches]

I kept thinking I had to die like Jesus to save people, except the room turned into a giant microwave oven that would kill me that way. But there wasn't any pain. It was just freaky.

I resonate except the microwave. I felt like I was sacrificing my own soul - taking one for team humanity - to save another soul. Like an angel :/
And rather than a microwave, I ended up in the pits of hell-fire.

There was also a time when I was feeling down and typed into YouTube "Ra, are you there?"

Then I found a song called "Do you Call My Name?" by a group named Ra.

But it was a very dark song. I thought that my actions had trapped Ra in Negative space and that Ra was going to come after me for doing that to them.
I did get a little scared, but I thanked Ra anyway for teaching me a lesson. I wanted to be a furry anthro. At other times I wanted to be an angel, and thought I had to go through trials to get there.

Wow - definitely resonate. What happened to us? I really wonder if it's this opening of higher energies too soon. I thought I had to go through trials too, that these fears coming up were tests for me to love/work on. And maybe they are... ugh. This stuff is mad in modern society, hard to mainstream-society when your mind is in another reality.

[xise]

Then my brain was like.. you are so delusional, this is really bad situation - these people belong in jail and are harming people and here you are, sending them love. Girl, you've gone completely mad.

Never in my life could I imagine coming into this, that this would happen. My brain kept flipping between "wanting to hold space for the highest good, to see them as the creator" and "holy s***, what have I got myself into here, how did this happen, why is all this happening, how did I get myself in this situation?"....

It brought up so many things. How do you accept incest? At the time, I accepted what he was doing because I saw us all as choosing this path, but when I started doubting myself and really seeing what he was doing as wrong, I was like.. crap, crap, crap what do I do? Is he harming his sister? Should I be reporting him somewhere? Or is this all part of creation? Was I sent here to help her or help him? My mind went cross-eyed. I couldn't work out what I was supposed to do, so I decided that I could save him (by showing him who he really was) and that would ripple-effect to save her and anyone else that he was hurting. Unfortunately - before I got a chance to do anything, once he had let out those 'secrets' to me, I became his next target of harm. Maybe he was feeling ashamed at what he had done and now had to destroy me "the one person who knows"?

Acceptance is a state of being. It doesn't mean that whatever you accept that you necessarily encourage it or associate with it. This is similar to love (there are different types of love for sure, and the love of those not in resonance with you does feel different than the love of those in resonance with you. Just like the love of a child feels a bit different than the love of a mate). Consider this Ra passage of where Ra gives advice on how Carla can better deal with a negative entity that is basically trying to take her life: 

67.8 Questioner: In order for this group to be fully in service to the Creator, since we recognize this fifth-density entity as the Creator, we must also attempt to serve, in any way we can, this entity. Is it possible for you to communicate to us the desires of this entity if there are any in addition to simply ceasing the reception and dissemination of that which you provide for us?


Ra: I am Ra. This entity has two desires. The first and foremost is to, shall we say, misplace one or more of this group in a negative orientation so that it may choose to be of service along the path of service to self. The objective which must precede this is the termination of the physical complex viability of one of this group while the mind/body/spirit complex is within a controllable configuration. May we say that although we of Ra have limited understanding, it is our belief that sending this entity love and light, which each of the group is doing, is the most helpful catalyst which the group may offer to this entity.


67.10 Questioner: We have a paradoxical situation in that in order to fully serve the Creator at this level in the polarized section, you might say, of the Creation, we have requests, from those whom we serve in this density, for Ra’s information. In fact, I just had one by telephone a short while ago. However, we have requests from, in this particular case, another density not to disseminate this information. We have the Creator, in fact, requesting two seemingly opposite activities of this group. It would be very helpful if we could reach a condition of full, total, complete service in such a way that we were by every thought and activity serving the Creator to the very best of our ability. Is it possible for you to solve, or possible for the fifth-density entity who offers its service to solve, the paradox that I have observed?

Ra: I am Ra. It is quite possible.

67.11 Questioner: Then how could we solve this paradox?

Ra: I am Ra. Consider, if you will, that you have no ability not to serve the Creator since all is the Creator. In your individual growth patterns appear the basic third-density choice. Further, there are overlaid memories of the positive polarizations of your home density. Thus your particular orientation is strongly polarized towards service to others and has attained wisdom as well as compassion.

You do not have merely two opposite requests for service. You will find an infinite array of contradictory requests for information or lack of information from this source if you listen carefully to those whose voices you may hear. This is all one voice to which you resonate upon a certain frequency. This frequency determines your choice of service to the One Creator. As it happens this group’s vibratory patterns and those of Ra are compatible and enable us to speak through this instrument with your support. This is a function of free will.

A portion, seemingly, of the Creator rejoices at your choice to question us regarding the evolution of spirit. A seemingly separate portion would wish for multitudinous answers to a great range of queries of a specific nature. Another seemingly separate group of your peoples would wish this correspondence through this instrument to cease, feeling it to be of a negative nature. Upon the many other planes of existence there are those whose every fiber rejoices at your service and those such as the entity of whom you have been speaking which wish only to terminate the life upon the third-density plane of this instrument. All are the Creator. There is one vast panoply of biases and distortions, colors and hues, in an unending pattern. In the case of those with whom you, as entities and as a group, are not in resonance, you wish them love, light, peace, joy, and bid them well. No more than this can you do for your portion of the Creator is as it is and your experience and offering of experience, to be valuable, needs be more and more a perfect representation of who you truly are. Could you, then, serve a negative entity by offering the instrument’s life? It is unlikely that you would find this a true service. Thus you may see in many cases the loving balance being achieved, the love being offered, light being sent, and the service of the service-to-self oriented entity gratefully acknowledged while being rejected as not being useful in your journey at this time. Thus you serve One Creator without paradox.

You can love and accept situations and people as the Creator, but Ra talks about leaving them behind if they are not useful in your journey. Though this specific example is for dealing with negative entities, I believe it extends to certain distorted entities and individuals as well. There are many who wish to explore distortion and confusion or are simply young souls, and that's ok. It doesn't mean that we have to stay in their presence supporting them unless we wish to do so and are in resonance with them. 

If they are not in resonance, wish them love, light, peace, joy and bid them well.

[ches]

Then my brain was like.. you are so delusional, this is really bad situation - these people belong in jail and are harming people and here you are, sending them love. Girl, you've gone completely mad.

Never in my life could I imagine coming into this, that this would happen. My brain kept flipping between "wanting to hold space for the highest good, to see them as the creator" and "holy s***, what have I got myself into here, how did this happen, why is all this happening, how did I get myself in this situation?"....

It brought up so many things. How do you accept incest? At the time, I accepted what he was doing because I saw us all as choosing this path, but when I started doubting myself and really seeing what he was doing as wrong, I was like.. crap, crap, crap what do I do? Is he harming his sister? Should I be reporting him somewhere? Or is this all part of creation? Was I sent here to help her or help him? My mind went cross-eyed. I couldn't work out what I was supposed to do, so I decided that I could save him (by showing him who he really was) and that would ripple-effect to save her and anyone else that he was hurting. Unfortunately - before I got a chance to do anything, once he had let out those 'secrets' to me, I became his next target of harm. Maybe he was feeling ashamed at what he had done and now had to destroy me "the one person who knows"?

Acceptance is a state of being. It doesn't mean that whatever you accept that you necessarily encourage it or associate with it. This is similar to love (there are different types of love for sure, and the love of those not in resonance with you does feel different than the love of those in resonance with you. Just like the love of a child feels a bit different than the love of a mate). Consider this Ra passage of where Ra gives advice on how Carla can better deal with a negative entity that is basically trying to take her life: 

67.8 Questioner: In order for this group to be fully in service to the Creator, since we recognize this fifth-density entity as the Creator, we must also attempt to serve, in any way we can, this entity. Is it possible for you to communicate to us the desires of this entity if there are any in addition to simply ceasing the reception and dissemination of that which you provide for us?


Ra: I am Ra. This entity has two desires. The first and foremost is to, shall we say, misplace one or more of this group in a negative orientation so that it may choose to be of service along the path of service to self. The objective which must precede this is the termination of the physical complex viability of one of this group while the mind/body/spirit complex is within a controllable configuration. May we say that although we of Ra have limited understanding, it is our belief that sending this entity love and light, which each of the group is doing, is the most helpful catalyst which the group may offer to this entity.


67.10 Questioner: We have a paradoxical situation in that in order to fully serve the Creator at this level in the polarized section, you might say, of the Creation, we have requests, from those whom we serve in this density, for Ra’s information. In fact, I just had one by telephone a short while ago. However, we have requests from, in this particular case, another density not to disseminate this information. We have the Creator, in fact, requesting two seemingly opposite activities of this group. It would be very helpful if we could reach a condition of full, total, complete service in such a way that we were by every thought and activity serving the Creator to the very best of our ability. Is it possible for you to solve, or possible for the fifth-density entity who offers its service to solve, the paradox that I have observed?

Ra: I am Ra. It is quite possible.

67.11 Questioner: Then how could we solve this paradox?

Ra: I am Ra. Consider, if you will, that you have no ability not to serve the Creator since all is the Creator. In your individual growth patterns appear the basic third-density choice. Further, there are overlaid memories of the positive polarizations of your home density. Thus your particular orientation is strongly polarized towards service to others and has attained wisdom as well as compassion.

You do not have merely two opposite requests for service. You will find an infinite array of contradictory requests for information or lack of information from this source if you listen carefully to those whose voices you may hear. This is all one voice to which you resonate upon a certain frequency. This frequency determines your choice of service to the One Creator. As it happens this group’s vibratory patterns and those of Ra are compatible and enable us to speak through this instrument with your support. This is a function of free will.

A portion, seemingly, of the Creator rejoices at your choice to question us regarding the evolution of spirit. A seemingly separate portion would wish for multitudinous answers to a great range of queries of a specific nature. Another seemingly separate group of your peoples would wish this correspondence through this instrument to cease, feeling it to be of a negative nature. Upon the many other planes of existence there are those whose every fiber rejoices at your service and those such as the entity of whom you have been speaking which wish only to terminate the life upon the third-density plane of this instrument. All are the Creator. There is one vast panoply of biases and distortions, colors and hues, in an unending pattern. In the case of those with whom you, as entities and as a group, are not in resonance, you wish them love, light, peace, joy, and bid them well. No more than this can you do for your portion of the Creator is as it is and your experience and offering of experience, to be valuable, needs be more and more a perfect representation of who you truly are. Could you, then, serve a negative entity by offering the instrument’s life? It is unlikely that you would find this a true service. Thus you may see in many cases the loving balance being achieved, the love being offered, light being sent, and the service of the service-to-self oriented entity gratefully acknowledged while being rejected as not being useful in your journey at this time. Thus you serve One Creator without paradox.

You can love and accept situations and people as the Creator, but Ra talks about leaving them behind if they are not useful in your journey. Though this specific example is for dealing with negative entities, I believe it extends to certain distorted entities and individuals as well. There are many who wish to explore distortion and confusion or are simply young souls, and that's ok. It doesn't mean that we have to stay in their presence supporting them unless we wish to do so and are in resonance with them. 

If they are not in resonance, wish them love, light, peace, joy and bid them well.

Wow so so so validating, thank you for this one, I have never seen this session before. This is exactly what the 2nd catalyst was - to show me that I can hold-space but move on without getting 'involved'. The identical archetype that entered my life a couple of months ago. It was like dejavu, except this time, I didn't have my own 'pain', so I could see the situation clearly before making any mistakes and was able to send love and peace, and "be me", and not get entangled or overwhelmed. Amazing. Really. Thank you. I needed to see this.

[AnthroHeart]

I did once find a video on YouTube that told the secrets of the Universe like how many there are and stuff. But I can no longer find that video. I wished I would have saved it. The narrator was very good. Maybe that video only exists on a higher vibration. It talked about Pleiadian technology and the Great Central Sun at the heart of every Universe.

[AnthroHeart]

I kept thinking I had to die like Jesus to save people, except the room turned into a giant microwave oven that would kill me that way. But there wasn't any pain. It was just freaky.

I resonate except the microwave. I felt like I was sacrificing my own soul - taking one for team humanity - to save another soul. Like an angel :/
And rather than a microwave, I ended up in the pits of hell-fire.

There was also a time when I was feeling down and typed into YouTube "Ra, are you there?"

Then I found a song called "Do you Call My Name?" by a group named Ra.

But it was a very dark song. I thought that my actions had trapped Ra in Negative space and that Ra was going to come after me for doing that to them.
I did get a little scared, but I thanked Ra anyway for teaching me a lesson. I wanted to be a furry anthro. At other times I wanted to be an angel, and thought I had to go through trials to get there.

Wow - definitely resonate. What happened to us? I really wonder if it's this opening of higher energies too soon. I thought I had to go through trials too, that these fears coming up were tests for me to love/work on. And maybe they are... ugh. This stuff is mad in modern society, hard to mainstream-society when your mind is in another reality.

They may have been tests to see if we could handle the energy rather than tests of our character.

I remember being stuck in a puzzle/knot of energy patterns I had created and Ra helped me reverse out of it. I even saw a miniature Ra in a holographic form who did hand signs like magic.

These tests/simulations are around your beliefs. They tell you a lot about yourself.

Like I love anthro characters, and when I'm emotionally hypersensitive in those states things can be too adorable for me to handle, and I have to turn down the adorableness.

Yes, adorableness was a property I could adjust to my experience I was hallucinating. As was wisdom. If I was watching a video, I could turn down the wisdom it was telling if it was too much.

It's amazing the whole gamut of wisdom that can be explored, even around something so specific as myself.

I remember being taught while watching a movie with family that they weren't really there. I would hear more on this later.

I've since learned that no matter what you know, there is more that can leave you in awe of the Universe. I have learned not to take life so seriously.

[Glow]

54 times throughout all sessions. Three words.

Ra: I am Ra. All is well.

You did not come here to save the world, or humanity.
Think about it, would you dive into the void without knowing that all is well?

In my mind at that time, I was here to save humanity. Not alone, that I was a wanderer, that was my mission & I was perfectly happy with that role, it sung to my soul. I still kinda believe it actually, I'm working on the lightworkers project right now to bring people together to help each other.

Yet, I can still see that I had wounds, that I could accept what he had done, but I couldn't accept what he had done 'to me'. My own identity-to-the-world was damaged - I was humiliated/ashamed that I would step outside of my own integrity to help another and end up being that person's target. Mind couldn't compute that. Had to go 'mainstream' on myself to deal, turn off all spiritual crazy stuff, and yet, still had all the Law of One kinda beliefs in me (even before I had read the Law of One, this was the stuff that I used to believe myself, which is why it resonated with me so much when I finally read it).

Had to put law-of-one stuff on the backburner and everything else I had believed to try and walk through my life-traumas one-by-one to see where the blockage was that caused this insanity. Yet there's still this underlying 'we are here to be the change' resonating in my being. I don't know.

I don't think this is a heart chakra thing. As someone who opened their heart chakra very early with no theoretical knowledge its pretty easy peasey till you start working on your shadow self which comes later.

Issue here seems you tried to jump to far forward with unbalance heart:wisdom.
I would not fear opening the heart again. Its just time to learn to balance that love with light not martyrdom. You went to far without the wisdom to balanced and got scared slamming the heart shut to protect you from where you were headed. Now you can consciously go slower, reopen things but don't get swept away before you mind learns how to use such love.

[loostudent]

I also know one person with strong heart chakra who in eagerness in service to others is trying to "save the world". Her attentiveness and generosity sometimes gets rejected very unkindly. She feels so hurt after other's negative response ...

I also thought of what Ra said in session 67. You can't serve where no such service is requested.

Ches, I wish you a careful reopening of heart.

67.26 Questioner: Then there is no other service that we can at this time offer that fifth-density entity of the Orion group who is so constantly with us. As I see it now there is nothing that we can do for him from your point of view? Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. There is great humor in your attempt to be of polarized service to the opposite polarity. There is a natural difficulty in doing so since what you consider service is considered by this entity non-service. As you send this entity love and light and wish it well it loses its polarity and needs to regroup.

Thus it would not consider your service as such. On the other hand, if you allowed it to be of service by removing this instrument from your midst you might perhaps perceive this as not being of service. You have here a balanced and polarized view of the Creator; two services offered, mutually rejected, and in a state of equilibrium in which free will is preserved and each allowed to go upon its own path of experiencing the One Infinite Creator.

67.27 Questioner: Thank you. In closing that part of the discussion I would just say that if there is anything that we can do that is within our ability— and I understand that there are many things such as the ones that you just mentioned that are not within our ability— that we could do for this particular entity, if you would in the future communicate its requests to us we will at least consider them because we would like to serve in every respect. Is this agreeable to you?

Ra: I am Ra. We perceive that we have not been able to clarify your service versus its desire for service. You need, in our humble opinion, to look at the humor of the situation and relinquish your desire to serve where no service is requested. The magnet will attract or repel. Glory in the strength of your polarization and allow others of opposite polarity to similarly do so, seeing the great humor of this polarity and its complications in view of the unification in sixth density of these two paths.