Becoming a Healer - My Journey

[Agua del Cielo]

Becoming a Healer - my Journey

Dear fellow Seekers!
I would like to share my journey in becoming a healer here.
It will be posted in several parts, and as it looks now, will be a continuing process.
I share this in the hope it may inspire you, in the hope you will find portions of yourself in there.

I will first give some brief background so you know where i'm coming from.

I have been a professional musician since i was 19.
I have been spiritually interested since childhood, my seeking was however a lot of reading, playing around with ideas and meditation. Music was my "Access to higher realms"

Inspired by my girlfriend at that time i started a therapy to accelerate my spiritual growth at around thirty.
it was then that i first discovered what was truly deep inside of me. The healing was so profound, i soon was very fascinated by the whole process as well as the "methods" involved.
Around that time i started to feel the desire to become a psychotherapist myself.

After some years, i had the chance to participate in a three year post-graduate training for therapists (which we extended continuously, five years now...), that my therapist and team offered.
it would always be a one week retreat, the people were all psychotherapists, most between 50 and 60.
it was about utilizing altered states of consciousness for healing purposes, like hypnosis but still connected to the waking consciousness, and how one can assist in working through emotional material.
it was all self-experience, almost no "theory" involved.

this was probably the best thing i did in my whole life.
the healing in a group of twenty people, all experienced and already gone through a lot was so powerful.
Not only would i receive so much healing, it also showed me , that we  are basically all the same.
We share the same issues, wounds and difficulties.

I also was completely fascinated by the techniques and by the process.
I had lots of opportunities to apple what i have "learned".

My desire to serve as a therapist grew stronger.

My desire to be a professional  musician became less and less.
i had a job in the games industry at that time, but i was so frustrated by the whole job and realized i didnt even feel like playing music in my free time at all.

I was thinking constantly about becoming a therapist, but i didnt dare to take any steps in that direction.

-to be continued-

[Agua del Cielo]

Then one day last january, i had a stunning experience on weed!
and that's where the story really begins

i was on an "inner journey" with my girlfriend utilizing the beautiful plant teacher Weed.
at some point she said "oh, just put on your "healer mantle".
i didnt know what she meant, obviously she was somewhere else than me.
After some time however i thought "well, i'll give it a try, i'll put on the "healer mantle" and see what happens".
then i "did".
My consciousness exploded, i was filled with light, i was filled with love, my boundaries seemed to have hugely extended.
I though "wow,thats incredible".
After a while i thought, "Hmm, lets try the "musicians mantle" now"
i did.
i felt quite good, but no comparison at all.

the following weeks this was on my mind constantly.
i was so afraid of taking that step.
i have dedicated so much of my life to music,I have practiced so much for many years, the were so many sacrifices involved, i lived in poverty for so many years, i didnt have a "normal" social live for years,i have finally become a pretty good musician...and now throw it all away??

I have gone through a lot of "existential" stuff the following weeks, much concerned with survival.

and i quit my job three months after

The next four months i was spending with intense spiritual practice, only working a liitle bit as a free lancer.
i would do walking meditations for hours, since this helped me the most to recover from that frustration and burn out i accumulated over the years in the job.
i wanted to give myself some time to find out, if i wanted to end my musical career out of frustration or if there was truly a "calling" to the "healer thing".
i recovered after a couple of weeks, my emotional state was constantly improving. i enjoyed the beautiful summer, nature, my beautiful relationship.
I didnt consciously deal with the "healer question", actually i was avoiding even thinking about it.

then in autumn i discovered the Ra material.
Needless to say what that did with me, you all experienced it.
My "access" to my inner light has been growing constantly over the years, but that was a whole new depths.
suddenly a lot more made sense. and it was like a "light of unity" had been ignited in me.

i was especially fascinated by the things mentioned about healing.
i started thinking about it again. But i was so afraid.
can i do it? am i good enough? arent there too many un-healed portions of me? and so on...

two weeks later i felt the need to investigate this further.
i went on an inner journey again (again with weed) my intention was to find out what i should do als a profession.
i saw pictures and Impressions from the Post-Graduale training.
i saw the "main instructor" (sorry for the bad english).
he is definitely the spiritually most evolved being i encountered i my whole life, and he's and incredible therapist and healer.

i saw him healing. i realized how sacred those moments were, how sacred this work is.
i realized, he had (innerly) initiated me, i couldnt grasp it mentally, but i could "feel" it.
i knew much work and evolution would be necessary to really be able to apply it.
But suddenly there was an intense feeling of "i have been shown how to heal, now it is my sacred duty to pass this on"

i asked myself afterwards how i could have ignored the "healer mantle" experience so long.
Now it seemed so clear. And i was even more afraid.

A few days later, i ritually accepted the Honor/Duty to be a healer and asked to be educated and to receive the Information necessary as suggested by Ra.

Honestly, i thought this would "just" be a powerful decision for myself. and i didnt believe too much in "being educated".

i was wrong...

-to be continued-

[Agua del Cielo]

The first lessons

The "education" started soon after.

it came in all different forms, sometimes visions, sometimes catalyst, but it was all "taylored" to my individual needs, to my specific "obstacles".

i have to mention, i have been practicing Kriya Yoga for many years. it also involves a breathing technique that increased "catalyst", helps subconscious material to surface and provides one with the energy and clarity necessary to process it.
so i'm used to dealing with much catalyst.

But i wasnt used to so MUCH catalyst...

it started slowly.
I did a healing session with my girlfriend (on weed, you think i smoke too much? well, Hmm).
The specific subject doesnt matter that much here.

After a while, I started "seeing" her light. i became so aware of the sacredness of her being. it was overwhelming,I never seen her like that before.
i saw this sacred being,trying to "become flesh".
I saw all of her struggle, problems, strange sides were part of the process of that sacred being becoming flesh.

Then i saw her "deepest pain". I saw a little child,helpless, innocent and terribly wounded. and there was a cautiousness, understanding and a compassion arising in me.


I realized,that would be the perspective required to heal .
To not only see a normal human being the way i usually do.

To see the sacred soul inside and to acknowledge the little child that suffered.
I need to be a loving father, a loving mother and i need to be aware of the sacredness of a Soul becoming human.

Sounds pretty easy while on weed. in my everyday life i (unfortunately) usually dont relate to my fellow humans like that.
well,I "know" this the deeper truth.
But that's the difference between theory and practice.

i was shown how this really feels, and i realized, i will have to learn how to actually live this!

i started "practicing". i tried to viel random people i met that way.
i tried to viel my girlfriend that way.
i felt so much different than i was shown on that journey.

First lesson, first try, first fail.
Self-dont arose. much self-doubt.

was ist so good an idea to become a therapist?
Didnt i over-rate myself greatly?
Me, a healer?

I didnt know there was so much self-doubt in me.
I tried to just face it and continue practicing, als long als the "journey experience" was still fresh.

A couple of days later I recall having a dream.
I met a "higher" being, it spoke to me in a deep hollow voice
(i sometimes have experiences like this, my inner being seems to have quite a sense of humour, it usually indicates an important message. The deep hollow voice indicates the mystic importance as well aus the fact that the words, the translation was obviously coming from myself).

The voice said "the first thing you have to learn is total acceptance of self!"
I realized, how would i possibly accept a human being, Cosmin to therapy, with all his "flaws" if i cant even accept myself, just als I am now?
I need to learn to accept myself fully, just als i am right now.
This would be prerequisite in accepting others.
and acceptance obviously would be the first thing needed in a therapy.

I started recalling all the inner journeys i had over the years.
Many times i came to a place of deep pain that i experienced als a child or baby.
there i would find explanations to my strange patterns and also healing.
this often would help me in realizing, that there would be a good reason for my behaviour and "patterns" and i usually would perfectly understand this once i foundation the "root".

(a note: just as I write this, i realize, i didnt see that sacred being and that deep pain in myself. I never realized this before...)

But still i kept questioning myself. my healer journey didnt seem to be very successful so far :/
I prayed for more education and for help and assistance, since it seemed I was having difficulties in my learning.

Help was on it's way...



-to be continued-

[Plenum]

But  still i kept questioning myself. my healer journey didnt seem to be very successful so far :/
I prayed for more education and for help and assistance, since it seemed I was having difficulties in my learning.

Help was on it's way...

looking forward to seeing what that is

[Agua del Cielo]

More Catalyst

help was on it's way, but it seemed to come in form of catalyst :/

I decided to book a session with my former therapist.

She was probably the one who saved my life years ago.
She was always very loving, understanding and a world champion in compassion.
She was able to connect with that wounded self in me that i back then didnt have real access to.
at times she was even crying my tears it seemed where i couldnt.
Especially the wounded child in me was always feeling utmost trust. With her i dared to face the deep pain in me.
she was holding me in my darkest moments.
She helped me heal my "autism" in connecting with the part of me that wouldnt speak, and helping me to bring it "into the world"
You can imagine what important role she played in my life.

I wanted to tell her about my healer plans, i needed some sort of "validation".

The session was a desaster!

i started telling about all my recent "spiritual discoveries" which were quite a few and very important to me.
i told her how well my relationship was going.
She said "well thats not so interesting, but i'm glad your realationship is fine".
I told her i had difficulties because i was constantly innerly commenting and judging people, i was hoping for help and understanding.
She said "impossible to become a healer if you judge people".
I told her i wanted to more effectively serve my fellow human beings, more effective than with music.
She said "oh, so your putting yourself into service  now"

F### you, i have tried to serve my whole life!!
Do you even know me, after all these years?
Grrrrrr.....

and so on

And not a single tiny word of encouragement for my "healer plans", not at all!
all she said was "well, if you think so. Time will tell. you will See, if people come to you or not"

I felt terrible. totally misunderstood. unfairly treated. judged.
in two hours i lost all the trust thatpart carefully been Build over the years!
It took me days to realize how deep the damage was.

I had lost one of the most important humans in my life.
I had lost my "Bridge into the world".

Ah, did i mention i was completely discouraged?

On the other hand, i could clearly see the lesson.
I had a first-hand experience of which utmost importance a loving, understanding, non-judging and most of all trust-full relationship was in therapy.
Not that i didnt know this.
But know that i lost it i could FEEL it

But did this put myself in a position to be a better healer?
I learned how to NOT do it, but not yet more.

I admit, i learned a lot, but i felt terrible.
Thank you, higher self, for that nice lesson

and that was only the beginning...

-to become continued-

[Agua del Cielo]

A glimpse of a Social Memory Complex

Around that time i was trying to establish a "Mantra circle" together with my girlfriend and some friends.
I have been working with mantras for quite some time and did really like it.
i was especially fascinated with the "Aum" mantra. During summer i was doing it intensively, sometimes together with my girlfriend.
i really loved the  energy of the mantra, one day in summer it even made me connect to the sun deeply

Our mantra circle was quite small, four people to begin with.
But the energy was great!
if you never did this, imagine the energy that chanting a Mantra will put you in, now imagine sharing this energy with some close friends.
We felt quite connected on  these evenings, this felt like family!

A few days after we went on an inner journey with weed.
I dont recall our original intention.
We had a recording of the "Aum" Mantra that we recorded ourselves playing in the background.

We started talking about Ra and what great and positive influence they had on our lives.
i could so much feel this "light of unity" (for lack of better words) in me.
then we talked about the fact that Ra was not a single entity but a social memory complex.
We asked ourselves what such a "thing" would possibly be like.

Some time later i closed my eyes. The mantra was vibrating in me.
suddenly it felt as if somebody would join in. Vibrating with that Aum.
Then another energy joined in. Then another. And more.
after a while it was like a whole village would share that energy.
More and more "beings" or "energies" joined in.
It was hundreds already. Intimately connected, Sharing that energy.
at some time it was thousands and growing.
Incredible!

it become more and more, like a whole city.
And becoming more, like a whole country.
at some point it was like the whole Planet would join it, deeply connected. and growing.
I was moved like rarely before. the experience, now in words sounding so small, was overwhelming!
At some point it felt like other planets would join in.

I was almost depressed when the experience ended.
I thought that was probably a glimpse of what a Social Memory complex actually is.

Did i make this up? Was ist just my "imagination"?
Or was it a "real" experience?
not sure!
But i definetly have never felt or experienced something like this before, not even close!

The next day I "accidently" found the Bring4th Forum.
I started to cry.
It felt like coming home to my family!


Thank you "Aum" mantra


-to be continued-

btw, feel free to comment or discuss if you want!

[BarboraD]

Hello Agua del Cielo, I would just love to thank you so very much for sharing your journey so freely with us and offering so much learning/teaching in this way. While reading the relevant passages in the Law of One, I have always wondered about those of us who are called to the healing path and couldn't quite picture their real life stories and experiences. That is why I so appreciate your account, which is not also honest and brave but also written in a very intriguing and most readable way Thank you again <3

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks for sharing this Agua. It really helps to get to know you better.