Loving someone more than you love yourself

[Nowheretoday]

I need your wisdom on this matter. If possible quote Ra.
Where is the limit?
Let's say you know yourself, your weaknesses, your distortions, you accept them, you love yourself.
Now comes this person you love, you are aware of his/her weaknesses, you accept this person and everything he/she brings to your life.
Distortions creates conflicts. Distortions are reflected, mirrored onto each other.
This person does not know him/herself, this person doesn't love him/herself.
This person has service to self, psychopath tendencies; lies, manipulation, control, selfishness, etc.
Regardless, you unconditionally love him/her.
Your understanding is greater than the illusion, you see through, your faith is stronger than darkness, you shine your light.
You accept his/her will.
You are being hurt, used, lied to, disrespected, threatened.
But you tolerate, you are patient, you accept, you love unconditionally, you see the creator in him/her.
You reflect back to him/her what you are given, but you get denial, anger back at you.
Where is the limit, when do you say enough?
When do you remove yourself from the situation and leave this person behind?
When do you start loving yourself more than this other person and say no more.
Is that still love? is that still unconditional love?
How can you love someone unconditionally and still love yourself.
Is it possible to be with this person and achieve this?
Is this a lesson of balancing of love/light?
Cause if it is, it is the hardest challenge I've experienced.
Can anyone relate?
Anyone with more experience?
Or more wisdom than me.
This situation is over by the way but it is still something that puzzles me.
Love creates unity but this paradox is far from being resolved. Perhaps it needs light.

[Glow]

Duplicate apologies

[Glow]

'Nowheretoday'
We are having the same day. It all unfolded like a bomb yesterday. I didn't know how deep the lies went. I accepted the lies because I see his pain. It's all lies, years, he admits he even lies to himself doesn't know the truth himself, is trying to change, but it's a relationship built on lies/manipulation on his side and extreme honesty and love/compassionate on mine. Always careful to not impose my will even as requests. I'm to trusting and I love him even with the lies. I'm trying to decide the solution right now.

Knowing they are sick and hurting if I'm not there to help I'm not loving them as best I can. Besides truth is I will always love them completely no matter what. Love is permanent once I love no going back. Can I even bare to not have them in my life?

Seems like a lesson I was supposed to learn from my past with my father....
But I cannot seem to see the solution. He wasn't protected(unspeakable things endured as a boy) I can't leave him unprotected, alone, unloved.

But then who protects me.

Sorry you have experienced this. I'm 36 hours in and of all the things I've endured in my past, this is the worst. I can't even cry, I just want to throw up, it burns inside I can't even describe it. Having to decide whether to save yourself or the one who showed you the face of God. Unconditional love. Knowing I won't be able to handle either decision. There is acceptance but loving and missing someone from a far knowing you left them alone unsafe unloved, or furthering your own wound. Acceptance doesn't really make either of those ok.

I'd say it's god's grace you posted this. I was just googling hangmans nooses.
I am not depressed I understand it's a lesson, its meant to be, and that action would just cause more harm, just there is no choice that fits here. I won't but the thought made me feel free for a moment. I needed a moment of not feeling this.

I hope you get your answer, though I don't think many truely can relate but perhaps Ra has said something. God be with you..
[/quote]

[Nowheretoday]

Glow:
Synchronicity, the feeling of throwing up... I can relate.
It all ended two days ago for me, the other person decided to walk away, I would've continued in that hole, I spent days in my dark room in pain, I meditated, contemplated, fasted, each time of heartbreak a new me was born, it was a challenge but my faith in love is stronger than darkness and/or illusion, I wasn't hurting anybody but myself.

[Glow]

Glow:
Synchronicity, the feeling of throwing up... I can relate.
It all ended two days ago for me, the other person decided to walk away, I would've continued in that hole, I spent days in my dark room in pain, I meditated, contemplated, fasted, each time of heartbreak a new me was born, it was a challenge but my faith in love is stronger than darkness and/or illusion, I wasn't hurting anybody but myself.

It's very strange syncronicity because it's only 6 hours shy of 2 days ago for me. I just checked. I'd not think many have faced this, let alone on this board.

We haven't spoken other than via email since. I've thanked him for his honesty, told him how much I love him, that I forgive him, and just want him happy, safe and loved. I do forgive him. I won't commit to a path forward till have have time to get past the pain. See things clear. I'm hurt but only a tiny bit angry, more disappointed in myself for being so dumb it's a lesson for my benefit if I can figure it out. Other than don't be dumb. I got that part.

I'm so desperate to find a solution I considered offering a new start like "I clearly don't know you because you've been lying to both of us for years.

Why don't we start over you can get to know me again and I... well we can get to know you." I love him. I'm screwed lol (you know that was a fake laugh)

I worry the lesson is some people can only truely love themselves but that doesn't say what we are to do once we already love them unconditionally.

All my guidance keeps rooting me on. All such accurate stuff. I told off my higherself for protecting him over me then realized I was doing it too. I'm confused now. I can accept the truth and change and pain and healing but how to love us both. Protect us both. I think this test is unfair.

Thanks for posting when you did. There is a chance I will sleep tonight.
You have no idea how much you helped. I've shared a lot of my past and wounds here but this hurt to much. I never would have.

I hope you have some peace, feel loved and can sleep tonight.

[Agua del Cielo]

Dear Nowheretoday, Dear Glow,
I am very sorry that you are experiencing such a painful situation.
I would first like to speak out my deep compassion.

I can deeply relate to the experiences you go through. I have experienced this several times, the last time maybe four years ago which was the most severe form it took so far.

I would begin with: whatever you go through right now, you will get through, you will getoutof this.
If you experience all these things consciously, why i do not doubt since you re on a conscious spiritual path, you will grow considerably and the sun will shine for you in a way that right now is beyond your imagination!

I will very briefly share my experience and if you wish, i will gladly go into more details and how i got through.

I cannot tell at which point of yourhealing journey you are and if this makes any sense to you, but i'll give it a go anyway:

After some long realationships, i came to a point where i was able to open up more and more.
I started a relationship with a girl, we fell in love the very first evening.
She showed a lot of interest in the spiritual path, and i was really happy to have found someone like her.
After a while, her interest in spiritual growth would become less and less, to the point of zero or below.
I was, in my opinion, extremely open and honest to her.
Atthe end i found out, all that spiritual stuff didnt interest her all all truly. I also found out she had an affair for more than a year already. More than that, she was about to end our relationship.

The degree of suffering i went through was beyond anything i experienced so far. Additionally she started behaving like an assh**** more and more, causing extra pain.

I was at that point already aware that this situation had triggered very old emotions of betrayal, abandonmentand so on.
I was aware, that the situation itself would be sad and more, but not to the very degree i suffered.
But even realizing this, i was extremely hard for me to go about my daily "business", the suffering was so immense i was pretty close to suicide on numerous times.

I was clinging to this girl, despote all the suffering it caused, being convinced that she was the "one" for me.
I considerd my love to be unconditional and profound.
Additionally i just could not understand, why such an "honest" person like me would attract an experience of utter dishonesty.

It took almost 9 months to get outof this.
Only with doing healing work almost nonstop, with the help of amazing friends, with the aid of a really good therapist could i work through this so fast and profoundly.

I found out a lot of things:

The love i felt was "real" on the deepest level.
But on the level i experienced it, it was far from being "unconditional".
Unconditional love would probably not suffer, ifthe otherperson walks away, feel sadness for a while, yes, but not such a deep suffering.
A baby that was abandoned by its mother would feel exatly what i felt, the ultimate and existential need for EXACTLY that one person, a degree of suffering that would shake my very core, the feeling that life ends when this person abandones me.

I already knew that i had this old pain in me, but it would be unaccessable for years (mostly).
I realize now in hindsight, the fear of facing such a situation ( in fact the baby situation in my case) was keeping me from really deeply comitting to a relationship and open up my heart wide.
What if i opened up and that person would leave?
Now that i wentthrough this, i dont fear it anymore (to the degree iwas before).
This lead to the ability to open my heart and connectin an relationship that was unimaginable before.
The relationship i have now, would neverhave been possible without the "opportunity" to release these old emotions.
So, now i am very grateful for this, it was a milestone in my growth and healing.

Also, about "knowing" myself. At that time i was already at a point, where  i realized, that there is much hidden inside me, much misconception, just a lot i did not teally know.
But this experienced really humbled me.
It made me aware that in fact little do i know.

For example the dishonesty.
I was being dishonest, becasue for already a long time i could sense all the dishonesty. But i would rather lie to myself, otherwise i wouldhave had to break up the relationship myself.
I wasnt honest about the degree of my "love", i thoughtof myself as loving unconditionally, but in fact, there was a part in me that was dependant on the love of that. That would be quitethe opposite of unconditionally.
I would ignore the feeling that she just did allthe spiritual stuff for me instead for herself, because i longing for a spiritual relationship so much.
The list goes on and i find i have to expand it on a weekly basis at least...

I apologize for that lengthy post.
I hope this is of some help for you.
And please let me know, if i should further expand on the many lessons i learned by that, the "techniques" and means that helped me through, and just about anything that could give you possibly relief and comfort!

I wish you all the best and may you be guided on this rough part of your journey!

[smc]

   

I relate to all this so much! there is inside so many people a primal heartbreak - a severe and chronic damage to our psyches from our child/parent relationships (or lack of) that affects our whole lives

google "CEN" (Childhood Emotional Neglect)

it's good to love and care for others - but never at a cost of allowing hurt/abuse/damage to ourselves but if our family of birth/origin involves love=pain(etc) we replicate this environment until we do work to become conscious of these toxic impulses/patterning and to change our 'norm'

and we can't do others learning for them


what keeps me alive in the face of ongoing total (family) abandonment, isolation from friends, loneliness and nearly completely crushed dreams, is:

self love - self care - self respect


I travelled right up to the point of near-death to discover this

it's the reason I'm still alive

I married myself

I am my own mother, father, best friend, I am my everything (I had to be)

I listen to myself, I take care of myself. I have consolidated my relationship with myself

I am the one person I know I can rely on

if I'm alone for the rest of my life - I'll be treating myself with respect, having fun and happiness and helping others without wearing myself out.

- you can love someone and still let them know what you will and won't tolerate

I also feel that our relationship with ourself sets the 'tone' for how we let other people treat us (and how they actually treat us in the first place...)

we must care for ourselves deeply and be our first and closest best friend - partner

all else in life is a bonus

thank you to the OP Nowheretoday, and Glow and Agua for this thread and sharings!

I hope you may feel my respect being sent to you... you are not alone right now in this  

[Nía]

Hi Nowheretoday, everyone,

I've got a couple of quotes here that have to do with letting go, distancing yourself from someone who doesn't resonate (too well), protecting yourself from others' (negative) energies, but I think they don't really fit your situation. I will quote them nevertheless - please pick out, what - if anything - resonates, leave the rest...

In the case of those with whom you, as entities and as a group, are not in resonance, you wish them love, light, peace, joy, and bid them well.

There simply are many circumstances in your daily lives where you will be dealing with those who have no intention and no present capacity to engage with you heart to heart, and it is well then to privately wish well these that need to go their own way, to hope that they find what they need to find in order to find their way to the spiritual advancement which they too inevitably seek.

You do well to surround yourself with those who you feel help that growth in the best possible way, and you do well — when you do encounter, as you inevitably will, catalyst that seems to stem from hostile regions — to bless this catalyst, to accept this catalyst as a portion of the One Infinite Creator suggesting to you that there are ways in which you may expand inwardly so as to absorb that which may be absorbed without harm, but recognizing too that sometimes not all may be absorbed without harm; and here we simply advise that you take care of the tender shoots of your being, for they are the very essence of the creation at work.

More fitting to your situation might be a couple of sessions from the The Aaron/Q'uo Dialogues, especially Session 12. Unfortunately, I can't find them online right now, apart from Google Books. Maybe you want to try reading it online?

-`ღ´-

[Agua del Cielo]

Thanks, facettes, for these quotes!

I found however, that letting go is not always possible and maybe not even advisable.
In intimate relationships you would be (subconsciously) mostly be faced with childhood issues.
This would mean that actually (although its usually not on a conscious level) the active part of one is not the adult but the child or baby.
So the letting go thing would be, as if you told a baby that is being neglected or abandoned "you should let go", in the baby's case this would have physical death as a result, cause your survival would (at least from your point of view) be dependant on your mother's love.

Additionally, a 'letting go' in a situation as above would most likely not be a letting go but a closing of the heart and a denial and suppression of the emotions.since this (very understandable) tendency is in many many cases the reason why people would (unconsciously) avoid and not allow deep intimate relationships or any intimate relationship at all, many times one has to learn to hold on to a person or relationship before one should learn to let go.
The holding would make you face these emotions, so you can 1) release them at least to adegree and 2)once you experienced (and survived) them consciously, the unconscious fear of them and the resulting avoiding of (deep) relationships might be greatly reduced by that.

[Agua del Cielo]

I would also add, if you cant let go, there would be a reason for it.
So one could as well accept it.

If there's no more lesson to learn and no more issues to resolve one would probably justlose interes and let naturally.

I would however acknoledge that its sometimes necessary to remove one self physically or emotionally from a relationship, simply because its so unhealthy that one has no chance to really grow.

[Minyatur]

I need your wisdom on this matter. If possible quote Ra.
Where is the limit?
Let's say you know yourself, your weaknesses, your distortions, you accept them, you love yourself.
Now comes this person you love, you are aware of his/her weaknesses, you accept this person and everything he/she brings to your life.
Distortions creates conflicts. Distortions are reflected, mirrored onto each other.
This person does not know him/herself, this person doesn't love him/herself.
This person has service to self, psychopath tendencies; lies, manipulation, control, selfishness, etc.
Regardless, you unconditionally love him/her.
Your understanding is greater than the illusion, you see through, your faith is stronger than darkness, you shine your light.
You accept his/her will.
You are being hurt, used, lied to, disrespected, threatened.
But you tolerate, you are patient, you accept, you love unconditionally, you see the creator in him/her.
You reflect back to him/her what you are given, but you get denial, anger back at you.
Where is the limit, when do you say enough?
When do you remove yourself from the situation and leave this person behind?
When do you start loving yourself more than this other person and say no more.
Is that still love? is that still unconditional love?
How can you love someone unconditionally and still love yourself.
Is it possible to be with this person and achieve this?
Is this a lesson of balancing of love/light?
Cause if it is, it is the hardest challenge I've experienced.
Can anyone relate?
Anyone with more experience?
Or more wisdom than me.
This situation is over by the way but it is still something that puzzles me.
Love creates unity but this paradox is far from being resolved. Perhaps it needs light.

I resonate with this and can only provide the conclusion to my own similar past struggle.

Sometimes you are just not the answer to another's problems and are not what will bring them healing. Still, you most likely still play/played a part in the process.

[Minyatur]

Glow:
Synchronicity, the feeling of throwing up... I can relate.
It all ended two days ago for me, the other person decided to walk away, I would've continued in that hole, I spent days in my dark room in pain, I meditated, contemplated, fasted, each time of heartbreak a new me was born, it was a challenge but my faith in love is stronger than darkness and/or illusion, I wasn't hurting anybody but myself.

I went through this 3 times with the same person and the last time was the day I first tried magic mushrooms and started my quest of the divine more intensely. Same thing for me also, I would've dealt with it however unwell the other person was and for however long. Would've kept at it focusing on the happier moments while the other focused on what hurts them.

Best advise I can give is to not seek to overcome how you feel but express it in full. I found my own sorrow beautiful on so many occasions, how many times I thought it was beautiful for me to feel this hurt and vulnerable, to care so much for someone. Mushrooms accelerated the process and at some point I changed and realized I won't feel the same for this same person anymore, however beautiful I can believe their soul to be. I thought if that day came I would be sad but when it did I wasn't sad.

I think I saw a truly great mirror of selflessness for myself but now realize that it remained a shackle in which I would've never found my highest potential and that it prevented me from truly being who I am or rather from finding/exploring who i am truly am.

[Glow]

Now heretoday-
I've processed for the last 60 hours solid and if you want to compare notes privately I will.
Seems this was all to heal a wound, years all for one wound to heal, and it couldn't have been anyone else because this person showed me the creator, biggest love of my life (thus far)so only he could destroy me, at least j thought he could. I realized today though his actions can't hurt me, they don't reflect my worth because he never looked deep enough at me to even see me. He only looked at himself. I just took it back that power, and found the balance between unconditional love for both of us.

Blank slate starting new, I will get to know the real him as he figures out who he is under the lies because he says he is all lies, even to himself so how could I now him if he doesn't.
Our only expectation is on truth.
Seems he closed his eyes toward me years ago covered my image in lies. He can get to know the real me if he wants, no expectations from either of us about how close we will be or how much of a part we will play in each other's life, but unconditional love remains, now it's a two way relationship. Just like how I'm supposed to love my self and him, not just him, or him more. We are all one but if he can't play nice that's his choice he can fight for us beside me or against me. If he chooses against I'm happy now, healed and ready to walk away from what was an illusion.

I hope you too found some clarity today. I'm happy to talk private if you need to find the wound and haven't yet

Bring4th work your magic!

[Glow]

Thanks, facettes, for these quotes!

I found however, that letting go is not always possible and maybe not even advisable.
In intimate relationships you would be (subconsciously) mostly be faced with childhood issues.
This would mean that actually (although its usually not on a conscious level) the active part of one is not the adult but the child or baby.
So the letting go thing would be, as if you told a baby that is being neglected or abandoned "you should let go", in the baby's case this would have physical death as a result, cause your survival would (at least from your point of view) be dependant on your mother's love.

Additionally, a 'letting go' in a situation as above would most likely not be a letting go but a closing of the heart and a denial and suppression of the emotions.since this (very understandable) tendency is in many many cases the reason why people would (unconsciously) avoid and not allow deep intimate relationships or any intimate relationship at all, many times one has to learn to hold on to a person or relationship before one should learn to let go.
The holding would make you face these emotions, so you can 1) release them at least to adegree and 2)once you experienced (and survived) them consciously, the unconscious fear of them and the resulting avoiding of (deep) relationships might be greatly reduced by that.

This is my case I was both mother to him, and child needing his,... well needing nothing but I thought if he finally remembered how he loved me we'd both be happy.(wanderer awakened and went back to sleep, briefly saw the creator in me as I saw it in him) He can't do that just like my dad because they both stopped looking at me and started looking only at themselves. They both covered up everything about me with lies... I'm so greatful I have learned this.

[Kaaron]

Well isn't life a box of birds around here right now.
I represent those in the shoes of the possessed, manipulative, crazy, dark, suicidal partner who is feeling the pain of destroying their loved ones.
Just made a thread about it.

Maybe the creator is who I should be talking to.
More seemingly unbearable catalyst...cool.
Thanks for putting us all in this great experiment where we can f*** everything up logos. Thanks for creating this free will thing.
The best part is how we get to live out an entire set of repercussions off the back of actions influenced by demons who exist solely to de-rail any kind of positive movement forward...you really thought that one out, didn't you? Oh that's right, you didn't...you left that to US to figure out for ourselves...we're designing this fantastic piece of s*** existence...and guess what? You're ok with that too. You must love us so much. Not enough to remove pain though...because that's a natural thing that happens in this existence...that you designed...and can un-design...dick. It's your universe but for some reason you can't go back on the whole "do as thou wilt" thing now. Is it because it is such a resounding success? Or that you're curious how many more of us will be lost to that knot of despair that caused the Maldeks to be unreachable for so long?
I know that place where you want to destroy everything so nobody will be around to feel love.
I've spent a large majority of my life in that place we call negative time/space.
That it even exists and is possible for a being who doesn't enjoy the feeling of it, to be in it...tells my God mind that "God" hasn't supplied adequate boundaries for it's creation.
The fact that we can be lead against our own free will down a corridor of terror, shows me that your plan was s***.
But hey...you're impartial so really, it's nothing to you as you get the buffer of a balanced perspective from your place of all knowingness. That perfect beingness must be nice. I hope you're happy...cos hardly any of us are.

[Glow]

Kaaron- that was likely my favourites thing I've ever ready m on the internet. I know your serious, I've thought most of those thoughts too. Not as well put you have a way with words. . I laughed quite hysterically at the presicision of your words. I'm sorry you are hurting. I've been on both sides of the fence, neither is a picnic but to me love is worth it. Any moment even a hard one with someone I love. Worth any amount of tears. Just asked for a whooping didn't I..., s***

I promise you one thing. I can see where I am now having been destroyed and now seeing the beautiful horrible plan, I think it's less free will of each more of a masterful calculation via One Us of horrors forcing us to face our pain and fear.



Anyways my empathy to you.

[Minyatur]

Demons are basicly dark broken unwell partners with a s*** ton of stuff to heal with whom you're stuck in a relationship with because they're your own self.

[Glow]

And I think demons are the parts of yourself that are in pain/fear and need to be exposed and fully released/healed/learned from/ or as Minyatur said in different words used to show other selves their own "demons" to help them heal because we are one.

I did honestly thank my counterpart today for his part in my destruction. He knows it all solved a huge wound. He didn't plan that but his higherself and mine obviously worked hard. It was the greatest gift he could have given me and I love him and thank him. Won't be doing that with him next life 1 and done. Maybe new travel partners we are to ambitious about this healing stuff when together.

But we just had the best 30 minutes phone conversations like two normal honest people caring but not expecting anything from the other. My reward and his. Starting at square 1 no needs or expectation.

[Glow]

Nowheretoday - I noticed you haven't posted. I'm a bit worried.
I still have a burning sensation in my chest. I googled it and it's heart break, I hope you aren't still feeling like throwing up. I guess the heart takes longer to under stand than the mind. Thinking of you.

Hope you are ok.

[Nowheretoday]

Nowheretoday - I noticed you haven't posted. I'm a bit worried.
I still have a burning sensation in my chest. I googled it and it's heart break, I hope you aren't still feeling like throwing up. I guess the heart takes longer to under stand than the mind. Thinking of you.

Hope you are ok.

Thank you very much for your love.
I read a few replies yesterday, it takes an effort to really understand what's being said, there's a lot of thought to it, just now I read all of it and I feel like I need to re-read to really process, I don't think is fair to give lazy replies to these well written posts, anyway...

I'm okay, I haven't been eating well, I haven't gone to the gym, I slept twelve hours yesterday trying not to face the feelings, I work nights, mornings are when the feelings and thoughts are fresh and hit harder, as the day goes by they fade and realize that I'm at peace and free to move on. I did cry today though, nostalgia.

One of the replies, in my opinion, it was dark, there's no acceptance, understanding, love/light.

Here:

We suggest the nature of all manifestation to be illusory and functional only insofar as the entity turns from shape and shadow to the One.

That's all there is to it. That's my faith to face the challenge, that's how I love, embrace, and ask for more pain. I love the feeling of growth I get from feeling immense pain, from processing, distilling the experience. This is how I move on and forgive, by accepting, by loving everything that life brings, there's a quote I can't find that says the Creator is every emotion, every feeling, every thought, the Infinite One is all that there is, how can you reject something that's you.

People that need the most growth offer the most catalyst, we need them to grow. Still trying to find the answer to my question.

[Nía]

This is how I move on and forgive, by accepting, by loving everything that life brings, there's a quote I can't find that says the Creator is every emotion, every feeling, every thought, the Infinite One is all that there is, how can you reject something that's you.

You are every thing, every being, every emotion, every event, every situation. You are unity. You are infinity. You are love/light, light/love. You are. This is the Law of One.

The Law of One, though beyond the limitations of name, as you call vibratory sound complexes, may be approximated by stating that all things are one, that there is no polarity, no right or wrong, no disharmony, but only identity. All is one, and that one is love/light, light/love, the Infinite Creator.

-`ღ´-

[BlatzAdict]

I need your wisdom on this matter. If possible quote Ra.
Where is the limit?
Let's say you know yourself, your weaknesses, your distortions, you accept them, you love yourself.
Now comes this person you love, you are aware of his/her weaknesses, you accept this person and everything he/she brings to your life.
Distortions creates conflicts. Distortions are reflected, mirrored onto each other.
This person does not know him/herself, this person doesn't love him/herself.
This person has service to self, psychopath tendencies; lies, manipulation, control, selfishness, etc.
Regardless, you unconditionally love him/her.
Your understanding is greater than the illusion, you see through, your faith is stronger than darkness, you shine your light.
You accept his/her will.
You are being hurt, used, lied to, disrespected, threatened.
But you tolerate, you are patient, you accept, you love unconditionally, you see the creator in him/her.
You reflect back to him/her what you are given, but you get denial, anger back at you.
Where is the limit, when do you say enough?
When do you remove yourself from the situation and leave this person behind?
When do you start loving yourself more than this other person and say no more.
Is that still love? is that still unconditional love?
How can you love someone unconditionally and still love yourself.
Is it possible to be with this person and achieve this?
Is this a lesson of balancing of love/light?
Cause if it is, it is the hardest challenge I've experienced.
Can anyone relate?
Anyone with more experience?
Or more wisdom than me.
This situation is over by the way but it is still something that puzzles me.
Love creates unity but this paradox is far from being resolved. Perhaps it needs light.

learn to love and honor and cherish yourself as much as you love and honor and cherish others. in doing so, you see this person that you met in the space time coordinate that you met them, was matching to you vibrationally at that moment then. As a result you go through time, both of you, choose to grow at your own individual pace. You have reached such a time that one of you has begun to outpace the other, or I hate to be pessimistic, some or most people never make any progress whatsoever, or they inch their way forward in softening their hearts.

Perhaps you are no longer meant for this person or they to you.

If you are to truly love yourself, then you seek someone who truly loves and respects you, who you are able to truly love and respect on an equal footing and mutual understanding based on healthy communication. Not expecting each other to be psychic, of course it is well to read each other's emotions, but being able to communicate with healthy boundaries between two sovereign awakened individuals is best.  in studying psychology it's been said that it's important to be able to share the same values, to me i wonder if that is someone who has gone through as much awakening of their adept nature.

to be able to share in these wierd coincidences and inner realities, synchronicities, repeating numbers all these constant things. Feels constant haha.

I don't care if I sound crazy I guess.

[Nowheretoday]

As time passes I'm able to be an observer of the situation and a possible answer becomes clear.
I was not loving this person by accepting over and over again what was being given, mistreatment, lies, disrespect, etc., I was not loving myself and being honest with myself by accepting these things that in any other setting I would not, why? Fear, fear of losing the good things about this person. I tried to explain that this behavior was not okay, I tried to leave, I tried to make aware, but change and growth never came, was I hindering evolution by the accepting of disharmony? I do want better for this person but I only have power over my will. I don't think there's love by staying in an unhealthy environment where change and growth never occurs. I don't think there's love where you're not being true to your values. Everyone of us is broken and I'm all about accepting this and growing together but not remaining in a rut.

[Glow]

Nowheretoday - I noticed you haven't posted. I'm a bit worried.
I still have a burning sensation in my chest. I googled it and it's heart break, I hope you aren't still feeling like throwing up. I guess the heart takes longer to under stand than the mind. Thinking of you.

Hope you are ok.

Thank you very much for your love.
I read a few replies yesterday, it takes an effort to really understand what's being said, there's a lot of thought to it, just now I read all of it and I feel like I need to re-read to really process, I don't think is fair to give lazy replies to these well written posts, anyway...

I'm okay, I haven't been eating well, I haven't gone to the gym, I slept twelve hours yesterday trying not to face the feelings, I work nights, mornings are when the feelings and thoughts are fresh and hit harder, as the day goes by they fade and realize that I'm at peace and free to move on. I did cry today though, nostalgia.

One of the replies, in my opinion, it was dark, there's no acceptance, understanding, love/light.

Here:

We suggest the nature of all manifestation to be illusory and functional only insofar as the entity turns from shape and shadow to the One.

That's all there is to it. That's my faith to face the challenge, that's how I love, embrace, and ask for more pain. I love the feeling of growth I get from feeling immense pain, from processing, distilling the experience. This is how I move on and forgive, by accepting, by loving everything that life brings, there's a quote I can't find that says the Creator is every emotion, every feeling, every thought, the Infinite One is all that there is, how can you reject something that's you.

People that need the most growth offer the most catalyst, we need them to grow. Still trying to find the answer to my question.

It's been hard hasn't it. Show yourself love by making sure you eat. I'm glad you are sleeping, it's better than being so tormented that you get none I think.

You know I think personally every choice is part of your path. I'm different though and I do think there are no mistakes. It's not LOO esk but to many things align perfectly to effect one single event. So for now you are still enjoying what this emotion brings you growth wise. To me it seems that might be part of the plan in the much larger scheme so other things can occur. Everything happens at the right time.

I actually went to the Dr yesterday because that chest burning wouldn't go away after 4 days I thought something might be wrong. While I was there I was talking to my Dr and he asked me why I would continue trying to be there for him after all this.

2 things
1. how other people behave in my perspective should not dictate who I am, and how I behave. I will love and learn not to let people hurt me with their weaknesses. So it's a growth opportunity for me. I will be me and their beingness is theirs, I will be me. What is true to how I am.

Would Ra say that I'm being a bad mirror? I don't think so, I'm not mirroring their behaviour but I might be mirroring a behaviour they wish they could also display. My counterpart actually commented something about this today. The contrast really hurt him in how he acted and how I never once wavered, I was strong and didn't react in kind, didn't walk away hurt, showed love when he was brutal to me. Truely brutal. I showed him who I was/am and he finally saw not a mirror of who he is but a mirror of who he wants to find inside himself. Contrast vs sameness.

2. I know I never would have faced this parental wound if this man had not perpetuated such manipulation and cruelty towards me(I didn't tell you everything)
Funny how now he has hit rock bottom, is overwhelmed by how badly he's behaved and how I keep loving him but am being strong and setting him straight gently lovingly but firmly. He may screw up again. But this is the first time in the decade I've known him he's ever broken like this, admitted his faults showed remorse.

It's something, looks like a very well thought out plan that took a LONG time but went perfectly. Maybe he's a changed man, maybe not but I am,(woman) and I will be ready for whatcever he does next. Still me.

Long storey short maybe you are still wanting to learn from the pain because you have someone else to love through it. Maybe another or the same one needs one more lesson repeat or you do. Either way "it's transient", no mistakes.

As to the quote you found to be without love. So many ways to read that. I'd need context. I see love in it. Everything, all this transient earth beingness even infinity itself, it's only purpose is to show the creator it self. I think it's kind of great, no judgement, no right, no wrong find god through anything and that means that"thing" served its purpose/was perfect in it form/function.

My context may be off but that's what I read.
Be strong, remember you are divine. ((Hug))

[Glow]

As time passes I'm able to be an observer of the situation and a possible answer becomes clear.
I was not loving this person by accepting over and over again what was being given, mistreatment, lies, disrespect, etc., I was not loving myself and being honest with myself by accepting these things that in any other setting I would not, why? Fear, fear of losing the good things about this person. I tried to explain that this behavior was not okay, I tried to leave, I tried to make aware, but change and growth never came, was I hindering evolution by the accepting of disharmony? I do want better for this person but I only have power over my will. I don't think there's love by staying in an unhealthy environment where change and growth never occurs. I don't think there's love where you're not being true to your values. Everyone of us is broken and I'm all about accepting this and growing together but not remaining in a rut.

Now you find your path is changing. I think your right. Just depends what you are ready for.

[Nowheretoday]

Glow:
"a mirror of who he wants to find inside himself" I like that, I wish I could say the same but this person would never admit wrong doing, the only thing I got out was anger and denial, someone who can't see, far less accept.
I love her, I want to be with her but right now, distance from the situation feels right.

[Nía]

Just to make sure, Nowheretoday, are you okay?

This is how I move on and forgive, by accepting, by loving everything that life brings, there's a quote I can't find that says the Creator is every emotion, every feeling, every thought, the Infinite One is all that there is, how can you reject something that's you.

And just because it's been the Q'uote of the day:

It is a spiritual principle which we repeat often that “all things are one.” You dwell in a completely unified and interactive universe. The creation is one. You are all beings, all things, all emotions. You are a part of the Creator and therefore a citizen of eternity, comfortable with infinity, dwelling for this particular lifetime within a physical vehicle in a heavy illusion. Within your illusion which you call everyday life or consensus reality, if you will, it is not obvious that all things are one. It is, in fact, counterintuitive to say that you are part of all you see and that all whom you see act as a hall of mirrors for you. Yet it is so.

And we speak to you at a time when your scientists have begun to tell you the same. That entire range of physics that includes the thought that the observer is part of the experiment infers the unity of all things. We do not limit this unity to other entities you would call human. It is as if all of nature, from the elements and the powers to the plants and animals, to the very air you breathe and the water that you drink, the fire that warms your heart and the earth under your feet, are dancing in rhythm.

-`ღ´-

[Glow]

Nowheretoday- just curious how your balancing of this is going? I keep doing more work but it seems there are layers like an onion with this.

Anyways I'm thinking of you. Hope you have been moving through it and will find your way out.
No more round and round we go.

[SeekOne]

The "hardest" work we encounter is self-work. The second, work in intimate relations.

The more the former is deeply committed to the more harmonious the latter becomes.

My respect to you and all whom find themselves dancing through the unique patterns of togetherness in this density, the easy, the hard and the harder vibrations found therein. It's been a wild ride thus far for this expression. We shall what's around the corner soon.

[Nowheretoday]

Nowheretoday- just curious how your balancing of this is going? I keep doing more work but it seems there are layers like an onion with this.

Anyways I'm thinking of you. Hope you have been moving through it and will find your way out.
No more round and round we go.

I'm good, I still experience random flares of anger and sadness, I think about it daily but the thoughts wear off until there's nothing left to think about. I've been doing some Tarot readings and it just confirms that this is the way.
I'm back to the gym and eating well, over the weekend abused video games to escape but I guess it's part of the rebuilding, healing.

How about you, you doing well?