I isolate therefore am I a wanderer?

[truthseeker64]

I have always felt more comfortable alone than with other people. I feel more centered and have much more clear thoughts. I feel more like I am in touch with myself. I often feel like I pick up on other people thoughts and emotions and feel drained. I like people and enjoy their company but sometimes I feel nervous around them. This has increased over the past 4 years and I was wondering if I had developed social anxiety disorder. When I do go around other people the relationships start out good but then dissolve because I am just not interested in maintaining them. I would rather read and work on myself. I thought mabye I am just being too selfish and have tried to connect with others but I feel like I am forcing myself and do not feel authentic. I have a husband who is wonderful and is truly a STO. My son is very STS and also drains me. Who am I? What am I? I am new to this Ra material and I am still trying to find myself!

[Wander-Man]

I know what you mean with people draining you and what not. But I thought I'd share this quote because I just read through it before reading your post, and thought it was kind of a coincidence:

http://lawofone.info/results.php?session_id=19&ss=1#12

Thus, the weakening of the physical vehicle, as you call it, was designed to distort entities towards a predisposition to deal with each other. Thus, the lessons which approach a knowing of love can be begun.

This catalyst then is shared between peoples as an important part of each self’s development as well as the experiences of the self in solitude and the synthesis of all experience through meditation. The quickest way to learn is to deal with other-selves. This is a much greater catalyst than dealing with the self. Dealing with the self without other-selves is akin to living without what you would call mirrors. Thus, the self cannot see the fruits of its being-ness. Thus, each may aid each by reflection.This is also a primary reason for the weakening of the physical vehicle, as you call the physical complex.

By the way, high five, I'm living in Ventura County too!

[truthseeker64]

I know what you mean with people draining you and what not. But I thought I'd share this quote because I just read through it before reading your post, and thought it was kind of a coincidence:

http://lawofone.info/results.php?session_id=19&ss=1#12

Thus, the weakening of the physical vehicle, as you call it, was designed to distort entities towards a predisposition to deal with each other. Thus, the lessons which approach a knowing of love can be begun.

This catalyst then is shared between peoples as an important part of each self’s development as well as the experiences of the self in solitude and the synthesis of all experience through meditation. The quickest way to learn is to deal with other-selves. This is a much greater catalyst than dealing with the self. Dealing with the self without other-selves is akin to living without what you would call mirrors. Thus, the self cannot see the fruits of its being-ness. Thus, each may aid each by reflection.This is also a primary reason for the weakening of the physical vehicle, as you call the physical complex.

By the way, high five, I'm living in Ventura County too!

Thank you for the reference! I am also reading "A Wanderer's Handbook", I can relate to some of the stories.

Cool we are neighbors

[Ali Quadir]

How old is your son? You consider him STS but those people are generally evil. Good chance that he's not STS but experiencing growing pains instead. Truly evil people are rare.

Oh and welcome!

[truthseeker64]

How old is your son? You consider him STS but those people are generally evil. Good chance that he's not STS but experiencing growing pains instead. Truly evil people are rare.

Oh and welcome!

My son is 17 years old. His behavior is very STS, I hope that I am incorrect. I hope that he is just reacting to his growing pains. My understanding of STS and I might be incorrect is they are service to self oriented. I am new to this so I could be incorrect. It just seems that my son gravitates towards the dark side. It seems to be an effort for him to be kind and giving. It's like he struggles with this as opposed to being STO naturally. I was listening to a radio show last night on BBS and I did get some relief because the show host was talking about evil and he mentioned that truly evil people progress toward evil eventually giving up their soul and I don't see that in my son. He is growing toward being of service to others, it just seems like he is at battle within himslef.

Thank you it's good to be here!

[@ndy]

Hello

Welcome, I'm new here too. I’ve found so much wisdom here for helping to sort things out 

Thinking of your son - I have lots of poetry from around the age of 17/18 when I was dealing with the concept of black/white, giving/selfish and balance. Now I wonder if that perhaps it's part of what comes with dealing with the responsibilities of leaving childhood and becoming an adult. At that age your starting to realise your power as an individual person It’s natural to experiment with what that means.

Also this quote, I'm realising in life lessons at the moment we don't have to let people drain us.

Q’uo September 3, 2006
""This energy that comes from the central sun into the sun of your planet, into the center of the Earth, and from there into the soles of your feet and upwards through your energy pipeline and out of the top of your head, is in infinite supply. As much energy as you can run, that energy is available.""

When you learn to get energy from around you, you'll find you have much more to give away. x

[Ali Quadir]

Me too, just like @ndy. It's a difficult age, and a person has not fully developed a sense of self at that time.. To develop this they need a degree of independence and puberty in humans serves to create this. If kids don't fight their parents, often parents continue to treat them as children forever.

These growing pains are hard for an individual and their environment. But they are far removed from service to self behavior. Puberty never made anyone evil. Wanderers tend to have an exceptionally hard time at that age. Ask anyone on this forum.

He will really have to figure these things out on his own. For you... Don't take it to personal, the things he goes through are not related to you as parents but a biological sequence. All you can do is see the good in him, keep him out of trouble and reward adult behavior.

Good luck with that

[truthseeker64]

Hello

Welcome, I'm new here too. I’ve found so much wisdom here for helping to sort things out 

Thinking of your son - I have lots of poetry from around the age of 17/18 when I was dealing with the concept of black/white, giving/selfish and balance. Now I wonder if that perhaps it's part of what comes with dealing with the responsibilities of leaving childhood and becoming an adult. At that age your starting to realise your power as an individual person It’s natural to experiment with what that means.

I have taken that into consideration as well...I was a hell raiser as a teenager as well! I believe that I need to stop judging his behavior as well and forgive myself for my doing that! I need to work out my own issues, karma, he has his own to work through.

Also this quote, I'm realising in life lessons at the moment we don't have to let people drain us.

Q’uo September 3, 2006
""This energy that comes from the central sun into the sun of your planet, into the center of the Earth, and from there into the soles of your feet and upwards through your energy pipeline and out of the top of your head, is in infinite supply. As much energy as you can run, that energy is available.""

When you learn to get energy from around you, you'll find you have much more to give away. x

Thank you for the quote!

---

Me too, just like @ndy. It's a difficult age, and a person has not fully developed a sense of self at that time.. To develop this they need a degree of independence and puberty in humans serves to create this. If kids don't fight their parents, often parents continue to treat them as children forever.

These growing pains are hard for an individual and their environment. But they are far removed from service to self behavior. Puberty never made anyone evil. Wanderers tend to have an exceptionally hard time at that age. Ask anyone on this forum.

He will really have to figure these things out on his own. For you... Don't take it to personal, the things he goes through are not related to you as parents but a biological sequence. All you can do is see the good in him, keep him out of trouble and reward adult behavior.

Good luck with that

Thank you and I do see good things in my son! I believe that he is in the process of making positive changes and I need to stay out of judgement!

[norral]

welcome truthseeker

you are loved and welcomed here

reading your description of yourself it sounds to me as though you
might be an empath. you said often i feel as though im picking up
others thoughts and feelings. thats what we empaths do and at times
it can be quite disconcerting. how do you feel when you go to a
mall and walk in crowds . i'll bet you get tired no? all that energy there
and being sensitive to it and you'll be drained as you said.
im putting a link to a wonderful book which really helped me understand
myself better. and it will help you understand your son better also.
personally my primary relationships are with my family. this board is the
one place i hang out at because here i find others with similar interests
so not wanting to be overly involved with others is actually a sign of
being pretty healthy to me. heres the link to the book.


http://www.amazon.com/Life-You-Were-Born...037&sr=1-1

norral

[Questioner]

Hi ts, thank you for joining us.

I think you have weak personal boundaries. This is like a leaky roof, or poorly insulated walls. In a storm, wind and water will blow inside. Sounds like thoughts and feelings from other people get inside of you. If you had a leaky boat, it would not be very much fun to sail around the bay.

Fairyfarmgirl can help you learn about the concept of spiritual cords, where someone else's inner life is "plugged in" to you, hooked-in with your own energy getting sucked out, and other people's mental activity flooding into your own personal space.

If this is accurate, then it makes sense that relationships would be difficult to maintain. You would not want to have visitors at your boat, or your house, if your guests routinely chopped holes in the wall. Or if you had a habit of doing this yourself, inadvertently.

Build the integrity of your own walls and roof. Then you can make a better choice about how much you want to share your life. You can really only choose hospitality or hermit time if your space is your own. If you are "just not interested" in getting oppressed with other people's mental activity, then that is a boundary issue not a moral choice issue.

The official definition of social phobia is here: http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/social_phobia.htm
I don't see how that would be relevant to what you described. The official definition refers to fears of being watched or judged.
Avoidant refers to avoiding social activity because of fear of shame or ridicule. http://www.psychnet-uk.com/clinical_psyc...oidant.htm But that doesn't sound like what you described either.

Instead of trying to put a label on your experience right now, I feel it might help to just clarify your situation. It sounds like you do not have much interest in building relationships, and also that this bothers you. You feel that you should have different feelings. Explore more about what all this means to you, and you will be able to discover the core of the contradiction.

Either you should change your ways, or you should put fewer shoulds on yourself. Right now the situation is like coastal morning fog. All is blurry until the fog burns off to a clear day.

As for dealing with your son, how about a simple dialog to open conversation?
- I'm reading this unusual book of spiritual philosophy.
- It claims that the purpose of life is that we should make a choice to serve others, loving, helping supporting them, or to be hard-core selfish S.O.B.'s.
- It also says that if we don't "polarize" one way or the other in this life, we'll reincarnate until we do make this choice.
- What do you think about that?

By the way I should include my 2 standard disclaimers.
1. I'm not the Questioner of the Ra books, Don Elkins, but chose my user name to honor his work and life.
2. If anything I have to say is helpful to you, please enjoy it in your own way. If anything I say does not resonate to you as true and useful, please feel free to set it aside.

[Regulus]

To Truthseeker,

Being true to yourself and seeking truth are two aspects to be recognized and commended. Hope you continue holding those dear to your heart wherever your path leads.

Wishing you the best on your journey of self discovery.

-Regulus
P.S. I used to live near Huntington Beach, So. Cal for awhile, too =)

[CarlS]

Welcome! Congrats on searching the world wide web and finding this resource of crazy people with various ideas of this insanity we call life! It's like winning the lotto really. The hardest part is reading past the letters and words to figure out the winning numbers. Anyway I've got a lot of experience with social anxiety and have recently realized the nervous tension I feel with in is a reflection of the feelings of all the people around me. The more people the worse the problem but I dealt with it using drugs and alcohol. You as a mom and wife may not have that avenue of learning. Your son drains you because that's what he's suppose to do....it all goes back to breast feeding. Anyway since you are obviously sensitive you'll be quick to understand all this because the people hear are full of all kinds of good advices! My advice is continue to allow your son to drain you because it's fueling him. Your job as a mom is to find out what it is that fuels him best and learn a way to encourage him. But since your husband is STO chances are he already has it all figured out. It comes down to adaptability. You're feeling the pressure now cause you need to adapt to all the new things coming at you. As MOM you have the best weapon to learn adaptation and that's communication. You already say you like the 1 on 1. You need to evolve that 1 on 1 time with new challenges. Where women go men will follow. It's that stupid easy......the hard part is that first small step. The moon landing quoted it perfectly.

[fairyfarmgirl]

Truthseeker64-- How old is your son? What is it that he does that you find so draining?

A label of STS on a child is a hefty label that may or may not be true. Also, sometimes a child that has attachment disorder will appear to be STS but that is not the case. Attachment disorder is usually a learned behavior/emotional response to a child failing to recieve the necessary LOVE, Attention, Food, Water and Comfort and Stability that a baby-toddler-young child requires for development.

Also, children who are Indigos and are being poisioned by chemicals in food, water and environment will exhibit highly maladaptive behaviors such as screaming, biting, irrational outbursts of aggression, self-injury and poor impulse control and Autistic spectum and/or ADHD like behavior.

We truly are what we eat. Further, a spirited child with a parent who is shy or socially isolating is something to be examined. Is the difficulty that you wish to sit and meditate and ponder the nature of the universe in complete silence and your child decides that that is a good time to seek your attention? Then this is clearly something that needs to be examined before "blaming" the child for a parenting style that is not working for the child. This is a skill set that parental learning would be of benefit.

fairyfarmgirl

[Light seeker]

reading your description of yourself it sounds to me as though you might be an empath. you said often i feel as though im picking up
others thoughts and feelings. thats what we empaths do and at times
it can be quite disconcerting. how do you feel when you go to a
mall and walk in crowds . i'll bet you get tired no? all that energy there
and being sensitive to it and you'll be drained as you said.

Dear Norral,

Thanks so much for your post. Reading this thread I've realised I'm an empath, too. I have looked for information on this subject, and I'm astonished at the accuracy I've been described with. Now I can understand so many things in my life. I wish I had discovered this fact before, I could have avoided sooo many difficult situations (or at least understand them much better).

I'm still assimilating all this information and my recently discovered "condition". Certainly, the journey of self-knowledge never ends.

Thanks, brother, and thanks to truthseeker for opening this new thread.


Truthseeker, I had an awful adolescence myself at the same age of your son's. I think many of us have to make our own incursions in the dark side in order to eventually develop awareness and discernment before making our conscious Choice.

All my best wishes to you and your son.

[Brittany]

Yep, sounds like you're an empath. It's both a gift and a challenge, feeling the emotions of a collective instead of simply the localized emotions of your individual complex. I think this is what it must be like in a social memory complex, where everyone is aware of the feelings of everyone else, allowing harmonious interaction.

Simple shielding techniques can greatly assist in preventing the drain of energy. I usually visualize a shield of white light around myself, and see stray energies and negative intentions just bouncing off of it and not touching me. I also have some more complex shielding techniques, but I have realized that keeping them up drains me just as much as leaving them down, and it tends to close me off altogether. All the interfering energy may be annoying, but I doubt you want to just shut down your whole system to keep it out...it is a very dead-feeling existence. In my opinion, keeping it simple and simply setting your intent with a visualization is enough to help in most cases, as you are taking conscious control of your own energies and you situation, and as I've worked through some of my catalyst, I feel less and less need for the shields now. I actually hug people now, were in the past I refused to touch most people at all. Crowds are still uncomfortable, but easier to deal with than at first. Just a conscious realization of what is happening really helps. It lets you decide what you take in instead of just getting tossed about.

[Aaron]

Hi, truthseeker, and welcome to the forums! I don't have much to say here that others haven't already said. But I can recommend to you eckhart tolle's second book "a new earth" in which there's a chapter or two on "conscious parenting" or in other words, raising a child with higher spiritual principles in mind. In my opinion, It's very valuable information not easily found in society, sadly. Plus, the rest of the book is all about raising your level of consciousness!

[norral]

reading your description of yourself it sounds to me as though you might be an empath. you said often i feel as though im picking up
others thoughts and feelings. thats what we empaths do and at times
it can be quite disconcerting. how do you feel when you go to a
mall and walk in crowds . i'll bet you get tired no? all that energy there
and being sensitive to it and you'll be drained as you said.

Dear Norral,

Thanks so much for your post. Reading this thread I've realised I'm an empath, too. I have looked for information on this subject, and I'm astonished at the accuracy I've been described with. Now I can understand so many things in my life. I wish I had discovered this fact before, I could have avoided sooo many difficult situations (or at least understand them much better).

I'm still assimilating all this information and my recently discovered "condition". Certainly, the journey of self-knowledge never ends.

Thanks, brother, and thanks to truthseeker for opening this new thread.


Truthseeker, I had an awful adolescence myself at the same age of your son's. I think many of us have to make our own incursions in the dark side in order to eventually develop awareness and discernment before making our conscious Choice.

All my best wishes to you and your son.

Dear Lightseeker

im glad the post is helpful to you. it hit me like a ton of bricks also
when i realized i am an empath. then a lot of things that people would
say as i was growing up made sense such as "you're so sensitive".
there are a lot of empaths on this board and i believe we not only
just read the words but feel the energy of the writer. knowing this
about ourselves we realize there is nothing wrong with us but there is
definitely something right with us.

God bless
norral

[Questioner]

It's like winning the lotto really. The hardest part is reading past the letters and words to figure out the winning numbers.

Carl, I got a laugh from this description of the forum.

[unity100]

it is also possible that your frequency is increasing, to whatever level it is increasing, and therefore heavier vibrations of yellow ray, especially the negative, orange tinted yellow of this society may be irritating you.

in most respects its a good thing.

[Grillwise]

Hi, truthseeker. One love baby.

Your son is just young, I recall my brother at that age being not so different, very selfish, but it was obvious to see his light within. It takes time to develop into a STO framework, and I think you're doing what any loving mother would do, worry about her son. With a seeker as a mother, I'm sure he'll turn out wonderful and I'm sure he'll seek too. One love.

Peace

[Marina2]

Hi Truthseeker,
I am glad you found this forum. So many people here are like you. Psychics such as Betty Bethards and Keith Sherwood have wonderful exercises (in their books and on their websites) for clearing your energy field and replenishing your strength. However, at times you still may need to be alone. Creative projects, working or walking out in nature, meditation, reading spiritually inspiring material are traditional ways to re-charge your batteries. Loving yourself is a big aspect of Ra's teaching: to love others and yourself. If your 'self' need solitude, give it what it wants and see what happens.

Your son is at a tough age. Teens are naturally 'selfish' as they grapple with becoming individuals separate from their parents. Ihey need to focus on themselves to discover who they are. It is hard to say what orientation another person has.
Good luck on your journey!