08-30-2010, 09:50 PM
I was going to read a bunch of stories before I posted, but as I began I felt I needed to write it first without influence of other stories. So here is mine. Sorry it is going to be long. I know no other way
My mother was hypnotically induced because I didn't want to come out. I was a month late. Was born a Pisces Rising. Which if you are familiar with astrology is one of the rarer risings in this hemisphere.
My mom had lost the child before me within a couple of weeks after birth. She was a military wife with a less than doting husband who was in medical school. He knew the child would die and did not tell her, nor was he very comforting as he was an Atheist.
I was a replacement child, but she was very scared to love me in the beginning and had my grandmother take care of me primarily until she trusted I was healthy. She had lost her hair in a condition known as alopecia due to worry they said.
I had a brother who was considered by my family to be a genius. My father was also considered a genius, and my mother was valedictorian. I grew up different, in that they noticed I was intuitive and inwardly motivated. They called me "weird" a lot. My brother was aggressive toward me for most of my childhood. My mother looked the other way later excusing herself by saying she was "afraid of him". My brother was my first daily catalyst in my future seeking because he mirrored how different I was from my family so often. I didn't begin to question it though until the age of 7. Before that I just accepted my "place" and actually was a quite happy girl in spite of it. My mother said I "was angelic".
When I think back on memories of those times it makes me sad, because I really was a loving and happy child of light. Something I yearn to get back.
My father left me/us for a nurse. We moved to another state. The divorce was not explained to me, but I was still in such a positive state that it did not bother me in any way I remember except that my mom and my brother became angrier, and I used to cry at night that I missed my daddy. I got in trouble for that and it frightened me so badly. It was the first time I ever felt threatened to lose the love of my family. I developed a loyalty "drama" at that point in time out of fear. Loyalty became a "theme" so to speak to this day. Something that interferes with an ability to have unconditional love. I learned to lack the freedom of choice in love.
After this time I had a moment that I never forgot while walking to school alone.
(alone was a natural state, I had no problem with it) I noticed my shadow to the right of me and it was big. I said I can't wait until I am big. Then I looked over my left shoulder and I knew that somewhere out in that direction there was a big black building where people went and belonged to where they knew the secrets and had the information and understanding I knew I lacked. This stemmed in part because my intelligent parents and brother knew so much more than me about life and how it "works". But I knew somewhere deep down that there were secrets.
Feeling the outsider in my family and with more divorces and changes I had another pivotal moment at about the age of 10. I was walking down some stairs when I suddenly stopped and said out loud "I'm special!" and then "Where was I before this?" and then "I am healthy!" as if I was surprised by my health, I thought perhaps I had been unhealthy before..and then had to ask.. before what? I had always been healthy.
About this same time my mother began taking astrology lessons with a friend and I was left in the metaphysical bookstore to browse and kill time. I looked at pyramids and pendulums and crystals. I wanted in on the lessons and conversations at home. Astrology was an interest and hobby of mine I did not keep secret from my friends and so I became a little "weird" to them as well.
Feeling weird naturally led to becoming rebellious. Experimenting with drugs, sex, rock and roll and such became the theme of my 80s high school years.
I didn't use logic and "learned information" to make my decisions for most of my life. I used my gut and intuition. Something I am still pretty good at today. It didn't help me get through school until I entered college and focused on psychology. Something that came natural to me as I was a watcher. I watched people mostly without participating and so I was self ostracized from typical children and teen endeavors although I tried to fit in as the "weird" one. Which usually worked.
I was also isolated simply because I lived in the country too far from town.
I became sexually active against my will at the age of 14. Moved in with a guy with my mother's help and blessing (to be taught a lesson) at age 15. Was going to quit school when I found a high school completion program and graduated a year early while I was already one of the younger ones. So I graduated high school at age 16. I went on to a four year and graduated. Suddenly I had the respect of my family as I was called "dumb" as well as "weird" up until this point.
I managed to create a "normal life" for a while and went back into a semi reality coma.
I found the LOO/Ra Material because I had been given a channeled document to read in my teens that really resonated with me about what life after death was like. (heaven). When I went searching for it on the internet after 911 I found instead the Ra, Seth and Elias Materials. All of which held my truth. I had never been interested in UFOs until Ra. And it led me on a search for more info. From there I found Leer data and it led me to AboveTopSecret.com. A conspiracy theory website with many rooms and a black theme. It dawned on me pretty quickly that I had found the big black building. I found people like me. Seekers, wanderers, starseeds, people without labels... all talking OUT LOUD about the stuff I kept secret. I spent a long long time there reading and sharing and investigating and continue to this day. I made deep spiritual connections with some of these people. My family. Digital, but family. I wasn't alone or weird anymore. And now I have begun to have the courage to speak my truths. Little by little I let it out, and I have found that people in my real life are more and more interested, accepting, and curious about what I think now. I don't feel dumb anymore either, I don't question my gut as much, because I know. I am gaining courage and strength now to speak. And it is healing. My body will actually shake when I share my knowings with those who aren't seemingly "awakened". So I think my purpose is to teach when I find and see the opportunity.
My mother was determined not to raise me with a religion because she was so angry at her Baptist upbringing. So I was free to determine my own beliefs. Which I consider a great gift.
But I was spiritual and had a natural understanding of things that I felt I couldn't discuss with most people. Something that made me also feel alienated with my peers and friends for most of my life. But also something I was proud of.
My mother was hypnotically induced because I didn't want to come out. I was a month late. Was born a Pisces Rising. Which if you are familiar with astrology is one of the rarer risings in this hemisphere.
My mom had lost the child before me within a couple of weeks after birth. She was a military wife with a less than doting husband who was in medical school. He knew the child would die and did not tell her, nor was he very comforting as he was an Atheist.
I was a replacement child, but she was very scared to love me in the beginning and had my grandmother take care of me primarily until she trusted I was healthy. She had lost her hair in a condition known as alopecia due to worry they said.
I had a brother who was considered by my family to be a genius. My father was also considered a genius, and my mother was valedictorian. I grew up different, in that they noticed I was intuitive and inwardly motivated. They called me "weird" a lot. My brother was aggressive toward me for most of my childhood. My mother looked the other way later excusing herself by saying she was "afraid of him". My brother was my first daily catalyst in my future seeking because he mirrored how different I was from my family so often. I didn't begin to question it though until the age of 7. Before that I just accepted my "place" and actually was a quite happy girl in spite of it. My mother said I "was angelic".
When I think back on memories of those times it makes me sad, because I really was a loving and happy child of light. Something I yearn to get back.
My father left me/us for a nurse. We moved to another state. The divorce was not explained to me, but I was still in such a positive state that it did not bother me in any way I remember except that my mom and my brother became angrier, and I used to cry at night that I missed my daddy. I got in trouble for that and it frightened me so badly. It was the first time I ever felt threatened to lose the love of my family. I developed a loyalty "drama" at that point in time out of fear. Loyalty became a "theme" so to speak to this day. Something that interferes with an ability to have unconditional love. I learned to lack the freedom of choice in love.
After this time I had a moment that I never forgot while walking to school alone.
(alone was a natural state, I had no problem with it) I noticed my shadow to the right of me and it was big. I said I can't wait until I am big. Then I looked over my left shoulder and I knew that somewhere out in that direction there was a big black building where people went and belonged to where they knew the secrets and had the information and understanding I knew I lacked. This stemmed in part because my intelligent parents and brother knew so much more than me about life and how it "works". But I knew somewhere deep down that there were secrets.
Feeling the outsider in my family and with more divorces and changes I had another pivotal moment at about the age of 10. I was walking down some stairs when I suddenly stopped and said out loud "I'm special!" and then "Where was I before this?" and then "I am healthy!" as if I was surprised by my health, I thought perhaps I had been unhealthy before..and then had to ask.. before what? I had always been healthy.
About this same time my mother began taking astrology lessons with a friend and I was left in the metaphysical bookstore to browse and kill time. I looked at pyramids and pendulums and crystals. I wanted in on the lessons and conversations at home. Astrology was an interest and hobby of mine I did not keep secret from my friends and so I became a little "weird" to them as well.
Feeling weird naturally led to becoming rebellious. Experimenting with drugs, sex, rock and roll and such became the theme of my 80s high school years.
I didn't use logic and "learned information" to make my decisions for most of my life. I used my gut and intuition. Something I am still pretty good at today. It didn't help me get through school until I entered college and focused on psychology. Something that came natural to me as I was a watcher. I watched people mostly without participating and so I was self ostracized from typical children and teen endeavors although I tried to fit in as the "weird" one. Which usually worked.
I was also isolated simply because I lived in the country too far from town.
I became sexually active against my will at the age of 14. Moved in with a guy with my mother's help and blessing (to be taught a lesson) at age 15. Was going to quit school when I found a high school completion program and graduated a year early while I was already one of the younger ones. So I graduated high school at age 16. I went on to a four year and graduated. Suddenly I had the respect of my family as I was called "dumb" as well as "weird" up until this point.
I managed to create a "normal life" for a while and went back into a semi reality coma.
I found the LOO/Ra Material because I had been given a channeled document to read in my teens that really resonated with me about what life after death was like. (heaven). When I went searching for it on the internet after 911 I found instead the Ra, Seth and Elias Materials. All of which held my truth. I had never been interested in UFOs until Ra. And it led me on a search for more info. From there I found Leer data and it led me to AboveTopSecret.com. A conspiracy theory website with many rooms and a black theme. It dawned on me pretty quickly that I had found the big black building. I found people like me. Seekers, wanderers, starseeds, people without labels... all talking OUT LOUD about the stuff I kept secret. I spent a long long time there reading and sharing and investigating and continue to this day. I made deep spiritual connections with some of these people. My family. Digital, but family. I wasn't alone or weird anymore. And now I have begun to have the courage to speak my truths. Little by little I let it out, and I have found that people in my real life are more and more interested, accepting, and curious about what I think now. I don't feel dumb anymore either, I don't question my gut as much, because I know. I am gaining courage and strength now to speak. And it is healing. My body will actually shake when I share my knowings with those who aren't seemingly "awakened". So I think my purpose is to teach when I find and see the opportunity.
My mother was determined not to raise me with a religion because she was so angry at her Baptist upbringing. So I was free to determine my own beliefs. Which I consider a great gift.
But I was spiritual and had a natural understanding of things that I felt I couldn't discuss with most people. Something that made me also feel alienated with my peers and friends for most of my life. But also something I was proud of.
you're just not giving that part of you as full of a permission to come into manifestation as you were before. That's one of the challenges of this life, to recognize the divine essence that is inherently yours, and to simply allow it to come into being. I and many others here walk beside you and deal with this challenge every day. I'm glad you're here to share with us now! 
Walking beside eachother makes it a little easier.
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)
on these issues. I have learned and grown a tremendous amount from what I have learned through participating here.