05-14-2015, 12:57 PM
I guess I should start off with how frustrated I am. I am not actually currently frustrated. I am, however, holding on to a great deal of frustration that to me is huge, and to others may be very insignificant.
Let me give you a picture of sexual frustration, or repulsion, on a normal trip to say...The Mall.
It's not supposed to be such a big deal. I used to have no problem going out and now I find people just bother me. I go to the mall to check out a hobby store, or I used to (I don't anymore, hint hint). I live close enough to the Chandler Fashion Mall to walk there in 15 minutes so I obviously frequented it often. I don't know if it was just in my area, or if this has begun country wide. But the way some people dress now a days...I don't want to say bugs me... Yet when I see 12 year old's in skin-tight belly showing...Lingerie kid bra things (the horror of which I do not wish to imagine the many uses of) I can't help but gag. I find it funny because in actuality it's frustrating because it is, in some deviously cleverly cruel way, attractive. Children's lingerie publicly worn, just, this can't be something that happens at other places?! I don't understand how their parents...OF whom some walk with, could let their kids sexify themselves so heavily. It's so disturbing to me and at the same time, so wrong in my mind that they would just dress that way in public and flaunt around almost pretending to strip for absolute strangers at such young ages. I would stare to be obnoxious if it wasn't so disturbing, it's not attractive to me in the sense of how I desire attraction. I think that odd bit of attraction that does exist there is something I attribute to a poor childhood. Where I had no connections, so in that small and dark way, having an attraction makes a connection. (Second time I ever admitted that, first time was to a counselor.) It's also why I make such great friends with most kids, though, the attraction is emotional more than physical. I want to be a friend in a sense that I'm the friend I never had. I was pretty lonely as a child and the reason I don't ever tell anyone these things is because most people immediately assume I have a sexual attraction when I start talking about how I view children. It's not sexual in nature. I had a girl around age 12 basically use me to learn about boys before I hit puberty around age 10, I got practically used by her so I really see no desire in putting another person through that. I also haven't ever admitted that to anyone, and I'm seriously reconsidering posting this.
Regardless though. That connection in my mind is ironically still, repulsive, to society which is somewhat shared but accepted by me. I do not want teenagers or children trying to attract my attention passively by dressing in such ways. It's why I don't go to the mall anymore (Best Buy was cheaper anyways.) and to top that off. The way women my age dress in public sometimes! Even just at my work. I've already seen two vaginas and...omg, counting Halloween, 7 boobs at work! 2 and 4 respectively by women just bending over to grab water, or chips. Plus two drunk girls flashed me last Halloween. ...Besides that, that was a really bad night lol
I don't want to be so bothered by such things on the other hand too. Where I wish I could just be open and allowing of what others desire to do. It's a personal frustration at my inability to accept that in society people behave such ways. Probably because in some way I'm frustrated at myself for being the way I am, which I feel is mostly different than the majority of people around me.
Then there's personal, social, and... Having just reread this post. I don't even think I'm going to post it. But I already typed so much... But the judgment...
I find that where I live, most people have succumbed to this odd sense of sex as being something you objectify and use rather than create and enjoy. Or at least it seems everyone I talk to is like that out here now a days. I make small talk with 200 people a day basically. about 50 of them have a very odd way of referring to the opposite sex, that I discovered I now share in some ways which I don't actually agree with in my mind.
I just also have the joys of many times being told by differing girls that I wasn't attractive 'enough' and alongside one of my past relationships basically failing because my ex wasn't attracted to me. I guess my image of myself and others has been hurt pretty badly by my caring so much about what others think and feel. That there's so many guys out there who believe in 'one and done all of em' or 'f*** b******' or outright treat women like empty hollow things to use. It's not. I just. Wish I could understand why...No, I get why, but Why people don't call each other out on the reality of things. Women hurt men enough to make men stop caring altogether. Men hurt women enough to make women stop caring altogether. I don't know how much of that hurt was brought on intentionally, but I honestly don't want to believe it's as much as I think it is... Then to continually be in this belief that I've been wronged by another for them not being attracted to me.
I do not believe that is an appropriate way for me, personally, to feel. Or really anyone in a sense.
So I'm left with this frustration of why I am surrounded by femme fatales, players, and a very poor representation of sex. Is it like this anywhere else?
And again guys, practicing blue ray honesty. I'm sorry if it was a bit too much for anyone. I feel more comfortable here than I do around most of my friends hah.
Let me give you a picture of sexual frustration, or repulsion, on a normal trip to say...The Mall.
It's not supposed to be such a big deal. I used to have no problem going out and now I find people just bother me. I go to the mall to check out a hobby store, or I used to (I don't anymore, hint hint). I live close enough to the Chandler Fashion Mall to walk there in 15 minutes so I obviously frequented it often. I don't know if it was just in my area, or if this has begun country wide. But the way some people dress now a days...I don't want to say bugs me... Yet when I see 12 year old's in skin-tight belly showing...Lingerie kid bra things (the horror of which I do not wish to imagine the many uses of) I can't help but gag. I find it funny because in actuality it's frustrating because it is, in some deviously cleverly cruel way, attractive. Children's lingerie publicly worn, just, this can't be something that happens at other places?! I don't understand how their parents...OF whom some walk with, could let their kids sexify themselves so heavily. It's so disturbing to me and at the same time, so wrong in my mind that they would just dress that way in public and flaunt around almost pretending to strip for absolute strangers at such young ages. I would stare to be obnoxious if it wasn't so disturbing, it's not attractive to me in the sense of how I desire attraction. I think that odd bit of attraction that does exist there is something I attribute to a poor childhood. Where I had no connections, so in that small and dark way, having an attraction makes a connection. (Second time I ever admitted that, first time was to a counselor.) It's also why I make such great friends with most kids, though, the attraction is emotional more than physical. I want to be a friend in a sense that I'm the friend I never had. I was pretty lonely as a child and the reason I don't ever tell anyone these things is because most people immediately assume I have a sexual attraction when I start talking about how I view children. It's not sexual in nature. I had a girl around age 12 basically use me to learn about boys before I hit puberty around age 10, I got practically used by her so I really see no desire in putting another person through that. I also haven't ever admitted that to anyone, and I'm seriously reconsidering posting this.
Regardless though. That connection in my mind is ironically still, repulsive, to society which is somewhat shared but accepted by me. I do not want teenagers or children trying to attract my attention passively by dressing in such ways. It's why I don't go to the mall anymore (Best Buy was cheaper anyways.) and to top that off. The way women my age dress in public sometimes! Even just at my work. I've already seen two vaginas and...omg, counting Halloween, 7 boobs at work! 2 and 4 respectively by women just bending over to grab water, or chips. Plus two drunk girls flashed me last Halloween. ...Besides that, that was a really bad night lol
I don't want to be so bothered by such things on the other hand too. Where I wish I could just be open and allowing of what others desire to do. It's a personal frustration at my inability to accept that in society people behave such ways. Probably because in some way I'm frustrated at myself for being the way I am, which I feel is mostly different than the majority of people around me.
Then there's personal, social, and... Having just reread this post. I don't even think I'm going to post it. But I already typed so much... But the judgment...
I find that where I live, most people have succumbed to this odd sense of sex as being something you objectify and use rather than create and enjoy. Or at least it seems everyone I talk to is like that out here now a days. I make small talk with 200 people a day basically. about 50 of them have a very odd way of referring to the opposite sex, that I discovered I now share in some ways which I don't actually agree with in my mind.
I just also have the joys of many times being told by differing girls that I wasn't attractive 'enough' and alongside one of my past relationships basically failing because my ex wasn't attracted to me. I guess my image of myself and others has been hurt pretty badly by my caring so much about what others think and feel. That there's so many guys out there who believe in 'one and done all of em' or 'f*** b******' or outright treat women like empty hollow things to use. It's not. I just. Wish I could understand why...No, I get why, but Why people don't call each other out on the reality of things. Women hurt men enough to make men stop caring altogether. Men hurt women enough to make women stop caring altogether. I don't know how much of that hurt was brought on intentionally, but I honestly don't want to believe it's as much as I think it is... Then to continually be in this belief that I've been wronged by another for them not being attracted to me.
I do not believe that is an appropriate way for me, personally, to feel. Or really anyone in a sense.
So I'm left with this frustration of why I am surrounded by femme fatales, players, and a very poor representation of sex. Is it like this anywhere else?
And again guys, practicing blue ray honesty. I'm sorry if it was a bit too much for anyone. I feel more comfortable here than I do around most of my friends hah.