Tyger! Tyger! Burning Bright; In the Forest of the Night...

[Godz Enigma]

Welcome to my story. This post has been a year and 2 months coming. For anyone who has found this, and feels Lost, Alone, that no one understands you..and thinks your weird, and you yourself think you are going crazy.. you are scared to trust what you know as truth in your heart and memories. You are here for a reason, and you are not alone.

Before i start, i would like to state that this is extremely hard for me to write this....it's scary..it is so personal. I am going to reveal things here, that i have not told anyone...some things i HAVE told people...only to find out that, it is not "normal". I made one post here before, and never came back until about 3 weeks ago..i stumbled on it again, im sure through a link while researching the Ra Material... Anyhow, I am back now, and i want to share my story with you all, and learn from you, and hopefully start sharing some of my light.

* Synchronicity *

The day i found this forum, I was at work and was outside, seeing the usual points of light in the sky, and wondered if anyone else saw them....then of course i go back to my desk and continue to read more people's stories, and there was the answer; yep. I'm not alone seeing the points of light. Not going blind, not going crazy. That was May 12th...of last year. At the time i was married, had been for 8 years...to a very abusive, negative man. When i tell you that you could not FIND a MORE negative person,...please believe me. When i went home that night ( of the 12th) i got the usual hate spewed towards me, and went into my bedroom, got out my purple velvet journal, that i very rarely use, and wrote the following:

Tonight i make peace with myself. I promise myself that i will move forwards no longer stuck in the quicksand of hate and evil that you bring into my life.
I promise my higher self that i will be true to me, to us, to God and to Love, to Light. I will forgive myself, i will love myself and be true to the infinite being that i am.
I will pray that the real ________________ awakens and begins the journey and the tasks that i came here to do.
I pray this night to receive my true name, and in that name i will see the goddess i am and remember what i was sent here to do. It will give me strength.
I bath in the wind ( *NOTE* the window was open, and as i laid there on my bed writing this.. i could feel... and taste the energy from that may wind blowing in) and call upon the One Creator to awaken me from my slumber. As above, So below. This is my Wish, so Mote it Be.

I never came back to this forum, I didnt go back to work...because my husband left that night, and drove back to Boston. I was happy, yet devastated..But as always, my prayers were indeed, answered. And you can't imagine the magick that i have witnessed ( light and dark) since that day.

*The Earliest Memories*

*Laying in my crib A very warm, dim, light on..and looking up to see 3 shadows. And i knew they were my family. There was some discussion about my bottle.
My mom verified that she did have a small lamp in my room, across from my crib. I don't know how to describe this to you, other than to say that... i remember, that i WOULD remember that moment. It's as if my adult mind was there for a brief moment. Does this make sense? This happened alot when i think about certain things i thought about as a child. Like, looking in the mirror...A LOT when i was younger ( 6 - 10 years old..sometimes even now)...and thinking..who are you? I could never relate to the image i saw in the mirror.

The homesickness. Laying in bed at night when i was around 6 or 7...looking at the stars through my window, and crying..feeling so alone. Asking my real family to please come get me. One night that i can remember i was feeling that way...and something happened...I believe they revealed themselves to me , im not sure if i was dreaming, or awake or in between... i think i got scared...and suddenly, i felt warm and loved..and i was with tigers. Laying with them, feeling their fur..and was told that i was here for a little while..someday i would transform, and would return back to my family. Thats the best i can remember. All i can tell you is, from that point on... i really, really...with all my heart believed that. Somehow i got it into my child mind it would happen when i was 18, Not sure if that's what THEY said, or what *i* wanted...but, i can not tell you HOW DISAPPOINTED I WAS ON MY 18TH BIRTHDAY!! LOL However, looking back on the year i DID turn 18... it was the starting point of my real spiritual awakening. I just didnt know it then.

Again, at age 5-7 When i was in the bathtub, it was not just when i would look up at the stars, and i would feel very homesick. It was overwhelming...and once i even went to my mother, and said to her " mommy, i'm homesick" and she said " but you ARE home". I asked her once, when i was older, about 22 yrs. old, if she remembered that, and she did.

I had a very vivid dream when i was around 7 ( It seems that was the age when most of those things happened from about age 5-8) I was in a cave, and was in a bed..that was made OF of the Stone in the cave, the light was golden. And for some reason, i jumped up...something was wrong and i started running. Thats all i can remember of the dream, but it was SO REAL to me, that when i woke up.. i went into our kitchen, and for some reason, opened one of the cabinet doors, and looked inside, i crawled into the back of it, because i thought for some reason, i could get back to that cave. I've often dreamed of running, and running fast, then coming to a cliff, and jumping out ..and starting to fly...or running fast on the ground...and being able to jump, like...well..a tiger. 80)

So that is the reason i named this thread after Blakes poem. The first time i heard it, i was little...and almost started crying..it resonated within me... i didnt even know or hear ALL of the poem...im sure i was too young..all i remember are those words... tiger, tiger burning bright....in the forest of the night.... and it always reminded me of home.


I'm going to stop for now. This is emotionally / mentally exhausting and draining... I'll write more of my story tomorrow.
Any thoughts/ feelings/ idea's anyone might have are VERY welcome. There is so much more to my story... i wish i could make it shorter, but....
it all needs to be told. These things need to be written, and understood. There is urgency in the awakening...and the tasks at hand. This i know as truth. If it is My OWN truth, or that of mankind.. i am not sure. But here i am. I send u all love. Hopefully, i will finally find my life purpose by being here, and sharing my story.

Btw,...My name is Michele. I'm 37, and i am now living back in West Virginia, where i was born and raised. <3

Sweet Dreams to all~

[JoshC]

Welcome (back) to the forum

Though I can't quite relate to just about anything, I'm always available in time/space You did get me with the loneliness and craziness bit though. Drat :p (I'd write more but my brains like, "noooooooo you can't do that it's time for bed!" So yea. Maybe tomorrow when I'm functional!!)

Edit: Your prayer that night after a pleasant conversation with your ex-husband reminds me of something I've done myself. Openly expressing one's feelings to the universe is quite effective, don't you agree? Remembering that you'd remember that moment makes perfect sense to me, I have those kinds of moments every once in a while where I remember something I knew I'd remember every once in a while as a distant memory (lol). And like Ali already said, you're very welcome here and (I encourage) are encouraged to continue your post, if you'd like.

Peace, Love, Light and Namasté

[Ali Quadir]

You're welcome here Michelle. I think you'll find more of us know about the loneliness you describe. This is a place where we figure out we're not alone. Stick around a bit longer than one post this time

Tiger tiger burning bright, who has set your tail alight?

[fairyfarmgirl]

Welcome, Michelle. I can relate to your story. Thank you for being here now.

I Bless your HEART with LOVE--

fairyfarmgirl

[Aaron]

Welcome again to your home away from home! Haha

[AnthroHeart]

Appreciate you opening your heart to us. I actually usually don't read people's introductions, but felt an interest to read yours. Perhaps the tiger analogy, I feel the same fondness of wolves. It's always great to remember that we have those unseen beings, our celestial family watching out for us.

[CircleofOne]

Thanks for posting your story, Michele. It probably goes for the rest, but I found a lot to relate to, and it resonated with me. My first memory is odd to me too, because I seem to remember it from a 3rd person viewpoint. Welcome!

[unity100]

what are these points of light in the sky you speak of ? what is their description

[Namaste]

Welcome, sister.

Wonderful to hear you have awoken and are opening to more of your true identity. Thank you for your openness, hopefully here you can help to heal, and discover more of, yourself.

Have you always had an affinity with cats, by any chance?

[Questioner]

Hello Michele,

Thank you for joining the forum, and for coming back to share your story.

I'm here today to encourage & celebrate you as you share your memories, your feelings about those memories and what they mean to you. I feel that it's too soon for me to try to add any comments or interpretations. This is your time to simply express your story and be heard with loving concern. As you discuss your experiences more, perhaps we'll get to find out what you believe about your wistful, homesick sense of the stars, the tigers and the cave.

I hope you get a sense of community and caring here, a spiritual home that respects your own journey.

What is the particular Ra material that resonated with you? Have you read the rest of the Ra books?

I look forward to learning more from you, and sharing our ideas and experiences.

[Godz Enigma]

hiya~

I just wanted to send a quick post, saying the day after i made the post above, a friend called and wanted me to stay with them for a few days out in the country. Had a nice relaxing time, and i can't wait to read your responses. I'll post more this evening.

<3 Godz~

[Godz Enigma]

Thank you all for taking the time to comment. Thank you for your acceptance, and for having an open mind and open heart. Thank you for this refuge, and virtual library for all who are seeking... to find common experiences, feelings and situations. As well as an opportunity to grow and learn. <3 I'll Finish my story after I respond to your posts.

Josh C: just to clarify, it was not after a *pleasant* conversation with my x husband, i had come home to his usual hateful, dominating attitude, it was a defining moment after 8 years of abuse, when i ( as you correctly put it and yes, i do agree! ) poured out my heart, soul and my will ..to the universe, putting forth those convictions onto paper and asking for help.

Ali Quadir: Thank you. I plan on sticking around this time! haha! I've even remembered to put this forum in my favorites. lol Who has set my tail alight? The cleansing, white fire of God! =P

Fairyfarmgirl: Thank you for your blessings and your love. They are well received and much needed <3

Aaron: Thank you. <3

Gemini Wolf: Thank you for taking the time to read my coming out story. <3 Thank you as well, for recognizing the opening of my heart. That's exactly what this is for me personally. Yes, it has been a vice and a virtue throughoutt my life, knowing my *real* family is there for me, watching me, and guiding me. Do you dream of wolves, or have memories of being within a wolf family?

CircleofOne: Thank you for your input. It's interesting to know that your early memories are from a 3rd person perspective as well. Do you think that for wanderer's, it's a natural instinct to see ourselves, from outside ourselves? I've read places( self help books maybe even in the Ra material), that when working on yourself, it's a good practice to do that...( step outside yourself) And of course, i think when i read those things...but that's natural... doesn't everyone do that?

Unity100: When being outside in the daylight, i look up into the sky, and see millions of little points of light. It's as if i am seeing atoms moving, dancing, and just fluttering along...sometimes there are patterns. Sometimes, there are wavy, rainbow lines that appear as well....when i am at a heightened sense of awareness, and when my internal energy is very high ( don't know if i am saying this correctly..when my energy is radiating from me, from my hands and feet), this happens. I looked it up once, because i thought i had vertigo or something..lol But could not find any information that was even close to what i was seeing..until i came here one day..The post where this is discussed is here: http://bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=237


Namaste: Thank you for making me feel welcome. I can't honestly say yes to that. Meaning, i was not born with that sense towards JUST cats i don't think...It was not until i was 6-7 ( the age i was when i first really started to know i was not home) the neighborhood "Cat Lady" moved in, 2 doors down from us. I DID gravitate towards her, was at her house every day, bugging her by knocking at her door at all hours..just wanting to be near her cats! lol....at that time, i was learning to love and respect cats. =o) All animals to be exact. <3 Even today she is a very close friend. Now ..if you were able to look through the computer and see behind me, you would see three cat statues..LOL..and i have very special relationships with my own 3 cats. Kani, Loki & Max.


Questioner: I can't tell you how much i appreciate your response. To say that this is my time to "be heard with loving concern" ..touches my heart. The times that i have told people some of what i post here, it seems they would listen with curiosity and amusement. Not taking to heart what i am trying to convey, and how frustrating and painful of a ride it can be to have these memories and feelings. It's not their fault, and actually.. i have been able to transfer some of this knowledge, and in that..sowed a seed for some of the people i've touched. Thank you , again..and i do look forward to learning and sharing with you all.

Blessings to you and yours~

Godz~

[Godz Enigma]

" You are a Starchild"* She Said...


Since i learned how to read, i consumed all things metaphysical, supernatural..and out of the oridnary. Does anyone remember the books "Man, Myth & Magic"? I would go to the library after school, and check them out, until i had read every one of them. I was obsessed with werewolves, vampires..ghosts, ....the devil.

It seems when i first started exploring, the things that drew me were dark. This is one of the things i have not come across with other wanderer's stories..(hopefully this information may help others who have struggled with these issues, and i say to them..do not be ashamed or afraid to come forward)...I even went as far as finding a ritual in one of those books for dedicating my soul to Satan...I renounced Jesus, then proceeded to cutting my tounge, drinking my blood, reciting and performing as best i could the ritual, and then sitting back... and waiting to see what happened. I was about 11 years old. I didnt know what i was doing...i have asked forgivness for those actions alot over the years. After i did that at age 11..., was a period of spiritual stasis...until i was 18. Then came books on NDE's, UFO's and past life regressions. ( never had one, but would love to!) So once again, i started feeding my spirit knowledge.

Then came Paganism and Wicca. I was getting closer...the unity with the earth and nature & animals. Magic, vibrations...intent.

In 1996 I went to my second ever Tarot card reading. My sister was there with me...I was 23. She touched on alot of things, she was very good. She own's The "Wildflowers" shop in South Charleston, WV. At the end, she proceeded to say to me..." You are a starchild"..." you often had feelings of being homesick"..of course.. my heart stopped DEAD...and i didnt say anything.. She told me i am not from Earth. Well..of course i thought.. this lady has LOST hold on the rope of reality!! after i left there, is when i went to my mom and asked her if she remembered me saying i was homesick, and she verified it. But, i still didn't do any research into what she said, and thought it was rubbish...i didn't dare delve into those old memories. It scared me.

The SECOND time i was told this..(I lived in Massachusetts)...was when the Ra Material was made aware to me. In 2007. A guy that worked at the pet store with me... (i had to get a second job, and work weekends to make my mortgage). ..Asked me if i was a lightworker, or just a really positive person. Well, we got to talking and he introduced me to the Law of One. I didn't pick it right up at first....i printed the entire first & second books..and read it here and there...getting some of it, but mostly getting a headache! It was not until after i moved BACK to West Virginia ( my home state) in Sept. of 2008 that for some reason, i picked it back up..and understood it. Not only did i understand it... but there were instances where... I would NOT be reading it... and would have thoughts...then pick it up later to read..the EXACT thing that i was thinking!

Example: My cats... i was laying in bed..and just watching them one day..and suddenly i saw they each had a "color" associated to them.... it was the personality of each cat, showing through via a ribbon of color. Then the thought occurred to me... they are lesser entities. We are here to teach them, and to help them...just like the Ra Complex is here to help us. And either later that day..or a couple days later... i started to read the Ra material..and whatever it was i read.. was like verifying what i had thought.
The more i read of the Ra material...the more i realize.. it's things i already knew, or know instinctively. Alot of it, i can't say all of it.. i have not read any volume completely as of yet.

So many other things....

in 2003, i'm not sure what was happening, I would feel an immense "Pulling" on top of my head... it felt as if someone or something were trying to pull ME .. out of myself.. it happened a few times...when i was asleep...and i woudl try to wake up and fight it off... It scared me so much, i tried to research it.. but could not find anything on it. It was after working with the tarot, and calling upon and using energy...once again..not realizing what i was fooling with.

* How 11:11 gave me the In YOUR FACE, cosmic smackdown*

I put it that way, because If my higher self ever wanted me to sit up and take notice..(because i am pretty much oblivious to everything going on around me as a rule)..it would HAVE to set my cosmic alarm clock in a way that would mae me drop my jaw...and it did.

2004-2005 I started having dreams of 11:11... right before sleep..images would pop into my mind. So would voices. In the space between sleep and being awake... yes.. i hear voices. It's as if someone is turning a radio dial...and i only pick up some things that are said..some are louder than others..just a word or a phrase here and there... sometimes.. it's as if someone gets close to my ear and says my name...just as i'm falling asleep. I found that smoking pot drowns it out... anyway.. 11:11 dreams...a couple of times.. i just figured it was some kind of message...not sure what tho...i had never heard about it being "a wake up call"... untill...

We moved into a new Apartment. I had the SAME Alarm clock i had owned and used for 2 YEARS. I will also ad, that i was really working on my spirituality at that point... well.. One morning i woke up late for work. I clicked on the alarm clock and it was set for 11:11...then i was like.. CRAP! i must have switched it over to my husbands alarm side..so i clicked over to HIS..and again..11:11.

That night before bed... i re set the clock...i re set my husbands side, and thought to ask him if he had changed it at some point.. he said no...(at the time he was NOT even home, he was working around the clock plowing snow) it happened again. I dont remember if it was BOTH sides again, but i KNOW MY SIDE was Changed to 11:11 again..i was late for work again..and told my friend Yvonne about it..and was convinced the girl who lived upstairs was coming into my apartment to change it.. during the day when i was at work.. My friend asked me if maybe the power was going out... i said no, and not to mention...it resets to 12:00!! not 11:11. So..after that happened a couple times... it stopped... and didnt happen again. Shortly after that, i was reading something online... and 11:11 subject came up and i read what it was all about.... I showed my friend and we were both like.. wow!.

Okay, i've written enough again..lol Any questions..feel free to ask..and as i stated before.. your input is greatly appreciated.
It feels really good to get these things out in the open...And even better if someone is lead to this forum/thread, and made aware of the calling into action of warriors of light<3

Thank you for being here<3

[Namaste]

It is incredible to look back and one's life, and see how the (at the time) seemingly unrelated events led you to where you are. Doing so is a very good subject for reflection and contemplation, and can help one see the bigger picture that the higher self is aware of. It helps to let go and trust your instincts and have courage with the unknown.

Attracted to the cat-lady; own three cats; three cat statues - you could say you have an affinity for them :¬)

I do myself, and they seem to graviate to me wherever I am. We're looking after three at the moment, and I find it hard to not spend time with them (I get very little work done)! Beautiful.

It sounds like you saw the violet ray; the totality/balance of the mind.body/spirit complex. Were you feeling very relaxed and at peace at the time?

[AnthroHeart]

I don't recall any memories of being in a wolf family, though I do get feelings about them and identify strongly with them. I've had visions of being in a native type family that was close to wolves.

Wolves do have strong presence in my spiritual world. As my guides and totems, they have perhaps the greatest impact on me of anything.

I actually identify more with certain anthro beings, 1/2 wolf and 1/2 human, and have established telepathic contact of sorts with one.

[Gohava Sebi]

Nice work leaving the negativity behind and looking for love and light. Your story touched my !

[Godz Enigma]

Hi

Well...there is a little more i would like to add to my story..It's pretty important ( at least to me..heh. )..and happened Last week ( on wed. ).

I was watching the ancient aliens marathon on History channel ( as usual ) and taking notes...of stuff to look into. Anyhow, My mother came in from work, and we started talking. My mother, while open minded, is not a believer of the things i am....or rather, she is blocked by her relationship to yehoshua, to let any other information lift her awareness... that's really the only way i know how to define her beliefe's..

anyhow, she says to me " I don't think i ever told you this...but your father and i were n bed one night, just talking....and then, I asked your dad... "WHat just happened?" He said " I don't know" My mom said that it seemed like time had frozen, and slowed down and she couldnt move. She said, it happened to my dad too, because when she asked what had happened, he said he didnt know..but SOMETHING.

When she told me this....i felt so dizzy i thought i was going to throw up. I'm 37...and just now hearing that. ..with everything else i believe...and have felt...it's a confirmation..the one i have been asking for. I have been very open with my mother just recently about my beliefes. I think she knows what i have been telling her is true..and why i believe the way i do. I also now believe that she is scared, because my awakening is bringing back memories she has blocked...

I went into the chat forum that night( wed.), there were 2 people in there, i'm sorry i dont remember your names. And i was needing to talk to someone about what my mother had told me, i didnt want to POST it at the time. I lost connection, and could not get back on the site, up until today. ( i left thursday for another trip to the country)..
anyhow...thats where i am. LOL

anyfeedback is appreciated. TBH, i'm a little freaked out by it still....

thanx,
Godz~

---

It is incredible to look back and one's life, and see how the (at the time) seemingly unrelated events led you to where you are. Doing so is a very good subject for reflection and contemplation, and can help one see the bigger picture that the higher self is aware of. It helps to let go and trust your instincts and have courage with the unknown.

Attracted to the cat-lady; own three cats; three cat statues - you could say you have an affinity for them :¬)

I do myself, and they seem to graviate to me wherever I am. We're looking after three at the moment, and I find it hard to not spend time with them (I get very little work done)! Beautiful.

It sounds like you saw the violet ray; the totality/balance of the mind.body/spirit complex. Were you feeling very relaxed and at peace at the time?

Hi Naste~
Was i very relaxed when i saw the ribbons of color coming from the cats? Yes. I was laying in bed, thinking, loving them, and watching them play...appreciating them.

I don't recall a violet ray...it was if...there were little ribbons of color streaming from each one... They each had a different color. Yellow, was Kani, My oldest one....My second oldest Max, was red or orange...and Loki, my youngest and the one i am most close to now was purple.

oh! isn't purple considered violet? Humm..! LOL

---

I actually identify more with certain anthro beings, 1/2 wolf and 1/2 human, and have established telepathic contact of sorts with one.

I do too. My first Tarot Card Deck was the Conway and Knight Shapeshifter deck. I bought it about 9 years ago..I got it because i was drawn to it, then had it and never used it, and even gave it away once to a friend. She never used it, and said she wanted to give it back...that was about 5 years ago, now it's the only one i have and use. lol
*EDIT* When i said " i do too" i meant that i am drawn to certain anthro's, not having Telepathic contact! LOL how do you do that?

[AnthroHeart]

Sounds like a nice deck. I may look into it. Though I don't really know much about tarot. Do have a few decks, but haven't used them much.

Well, I had been meditating for about 8 months, and energy work for a couple of years. I've known about ET existence for some time. After the concious convergence on July 17-18, when my friend showed me a picture he had drawn of this character, I was able to tune in and start getting information. I knew I could tune into crystals, and people, so I gave this being a try, and it's coming along very well. Working on a book with the help of an editor and illustrator.

I do too. My first Tarot Card Deck was the Conway and Knight Shapeshifter deck. I bought it about 9 years ago..I got it because i was drawn to it, then had it and never used it, and even gave it away once to a friend. She never used it, and said she wanted to give it back...that was about 5 years ago, now it's the only one i have and use. lol
*EDIT* When i said " i do too" i meant that i am drawn to certain anthro's, not having Telepathic contact! LOL how do you do that?

[Joseph326]

Hello Godz Enigma,

I find your story to be quite intriguing and must say that I have had several similar occurences such as you have described in earlier posts. I know that you had said that you felt wierd or crazy, but that cannot be the case if someone else has experienced similar things, right?

To start out, my earliest memory, and one I was able to hang on to, was of actually observing my physical self grow from an infinitesimal speck into a fetus. At a certain point, the memory gets dark and distorted, possibly when the time was right to inhabit the vessel. So indeed I do think it quite possible for you to have memories from an early age!

Also, regarding the moving points of light, you have no idea how joyful I felt reading that! I have encountered the same thing, but I have never met someone who sees it too. I remember often as a baby, I would stand up in my crib when the lights were off and just watch them with peaceful curiosity. They seemed to fill and even make up the very air in the room. They blinked in and out, swirled, formed patterns, and showed each color of the rainbow. My consciousness of them must have faded until just recently, when I have re-awakened. Now I can easily see them during or just after being in a meditative state, only I do not get the colors, just pure white dots.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel much less 'alone' in my experiences, and eagerly wait for the rest of your story