Tons of Anxiety

[AnthroHeart]

My boss tells me that I will lose my job if I keep taking my mom on errands during work. I feel an enormous amount of anxiety.

I am nervous. I wonder in higher densities if you ever get nervous.

I want to be on the other side of the veil so bad.

[xise]

My boss tells me that I will lose my job if I keep taking my mom on errands during work. I feel an enormous amount of anxiety.

I am nervous. I wonder in higher densities if you ever get nervous.

I want to be on the other side of the veil so bad.

The universe may be talking to you from all directions. Perhaps it's suggesting to you that you may want show yourself some love by standing up to your mother, first through suggestions from members on this forum, and now from an ultimatum from your boss?

[Adonai One]

Gemini, it might be time to find somebody else to take care of your mother so you can take care of yourself and be happy. When you're happy and able, go back to your mother and only do what you can.

Just a suggestion.

[AnthroHeart]

I told my mom I can't take her to her appts anymore during business hours.
I can't run her on errands either during normal business hours.

I guess I was just doing it too much. Once it was 3 days in a row.

My mom lives with me and can't find another home at the moment.

It's teaching me the ways of love when it's difficult.

I do often stand up to my mom, but it doesn't really get me anywhere. She wants me to go out and water her plants now. I do it for the sake of the plants.

[Jeremy]

Gemini, it might be time to find somebody else to take care of your mother so you can take care of yourself and be happy. When you're happy and able, go back to your mother and only do what you can.

Just a suggestion.

I second this. Brother, you have been held down by her for far too long. This is one of those defining moments where you're love for her can still be preserved by standing up for yourself and taking some responsibility for your life by freeing yourself from this servitude towards her. I know it's out of love but it also seems like it's out of obligation. An obligation that is bound by constant belittlement and enslavement with comments that guilt you into remaining within this otherwise poisonous environment.

I honestly don't see how you can ever progress within this type of environment.

[isis]

My boss tells me that I will lose my job if I keep taking my mom on errands during work. I feel an enormous amount of anxiety.

I am nervous. I wonder in higher densities if you ever get nervous.

I want to be on the other side of the veil so bad.

this is a good thing. u didn't enjoy taking her on errands during work - did u? now u have a really good excuse not to

I told my mom I can't take her to her appts anymore during business hours.
I can't run her on errands either during normal business hours.

did she curse a lot & give your dinner to the dogs?

[AnthroHeart]

I'm much too shy to really stand up to her when she's on her yelling and cursing sprees.

I don't know anyone else who can take care of her.

She wants me to work for her and get paid by an agency, but I don't want to do that.
Getting paid to put up with her would be even worse.
I don't need the money that bad.
But she wants me to share the money with her. Give her some of my income that I'd make working for her.
Even if I'm the one doing the work. I won't go for that.
I don't need another job that badly.

Most of the time it's not that bad really. But there are outbursts. I still try to have unconditional love for her.

[xise]

GW, I've worked with hundreds of domestic violence victims - spouses and their batterers - and your reasons sound like what battered women would say of their abusers.

It's an addictive cycle of violence that continues because of feeling powerless and of feeling unworthy of self-love on behalf of the battered spouse.

[AnthroHeart]

What should I do? Tell her to stop cursing and stop stealing around me?
And that I will not work for her.
Tell her that I want her to leave.

It's hard to bring it up when nothings happening.

I need her around to take care of my dogs when I'm gone from August 25-28.

---

I told my mom I can't take her to her appts anymore during business hours.
I can't run her on errands either during normal business hours.

did she curse a lot & give your dinner to the dogs?

She didn't curse, but she made up excuses as to why I should still take her. I don't remember any atm.
Her bank is open till 7, so we don't need to go during business hours. We weren't sure what time they were open. I especially can't be gone from work for over 3 hours. She wanted to go shopping.

[xise]

What should I do? Tell her to stop cursing and stop stealing around me?
And that I will not work for her.
Tell her that I want her to leave.

Sounds like a pretty good list.

It's hard to bring it up when nothings happening.

Sounds like stuff happens fairly frequently from what you've said. Probably something happens a few times a week. You'll have a chance to use some of those things you listed.

I need her around to take care of my dogs when I'm gone from August 25-28.

Or you can take them to the kennel.

-----

GW, don't feel you have to do any one thing in particular, whether it's something suggested in this thread or something your mom wants you to do. You create your reality by your choices and decisions. Create what you wish, we all love you regardless.

[AnthroHeart]

If I could truly choose my reality, then I probably wouldn't be here.
It's hard not to feel trapped. Both in my job, and with my mom.
And my atheist friend, sometimes we disagree, which is not all bad.

Just with Robin Williams death and all this hitting me at once, it is more than I can sanely handle.
I wish I could take some time from work, but I'd probably just mope around the house.

[xise]

If I could truly choose my reality, then I probably wouldn't be here.

There are more choices than (1) simply leaving this reality or (2) staying in this reality and doing everything the same as before.


Deep inside of you, you know this to be true. That's why you were able to come up with that short list of things you could without even really trying.


Manifest your reality brother. Manifestation doesn't have to be an all or nothing deal. If you can't manifest your perfect reality, then manifest a better one than you currently have, by your choices and decisions in real world situations. I know you have it in you.

[manniz]

Gemini, give her a nice Zen smile, and say No, next time she infringes on your space. Encouraging someone to miss work is a not kosher. A nice Zen smile and a firm No can be very effective on emotionally manipulative people. Don't give them the chance to lay the guilt trip on you. You know the best though. It is so easy for me to advise you to say No to your Mom. Only you will have to deal with the resulting tantrums.

I think all these people in this thread are probably trying to say that you seem like such an honest person that you should not have all these problems in your life that pop up all the time. You should be more happy, though maybe you already are. You have got three dogs. That has to be a tonne of happiness.

[AnthroHeart]

We actually have 4 dogs, but only 2 of them I really cuddle with. The largest and the smallest ones. One of the other ones growls at me when I get close. And the other is old and senile.

[AnthroHeart]

Robin Williams' death is giving me more anxiety. I feel like joining him. But I wouldn't do that I don't think.
There is so much negativity in my life.

My mom wanted me to put forward the money to buy two used recliners from a lady, but I said I don't have the money.
I want her to move out, I've told her that. I told her to find homes for her ferrets and dogs, but she won't do that.
She instead tells me she nearly got rid of wolfie.

If she gets rid of wolfie, then I'll do what I can to get her evicted from my home.
I'm tired of her BS.

I didn't cry over Robin Williams death, but I just feel like dying. When Michael Landon died I cried then, but didn't feel like joining him. But his wasn't suicide. I feel as if Robin Williams' suicide gives me an excuse to do the same thing.

But then there is that uncertainty of after death what really happens. I wouldn't do it out of depression. More out of curiosity.

[xise]

I wouldn't do it out of depression. More out of curiosity.

You might be curious, but I think you are definitely depressed brother.

Self-honesty is hard, but very important my friend.

[Rake]

There are two things I do when I get anxious. One is get outside. Two is pick up my smokey quartz.

[AnthroHeart]

I love my dog Loki, but I get anxious that he won't live as long as me.

---

I wouldn't do it out of depression. More out of curiosity.

You might be curious, but I think you are definitely depressed brother.

Self-honesty is hard, but very important my friend.

Yeah, I think I'm depressed. My mom keeps stealing stuff from the store. I've stolen some dog food before and put it in her cart when she wheeled it out. So she was stealing my dog food. So I'm bad in that regard too. I don't think I'll do it again. But it's hard to stop her. She stole some baby clothes that she plans to sell. I haven't made a fuss, but I won't take her to the post office to ship her stolen property. I just don't want to go to jail.

I'm a little depressed that Robin Williams took the easy way out, though I've already said that.

[manniz]

If she gets rid of wolfie, then I'll do what I can to get her evicted from my home.
I'm tired of her BS.

Gemini, you will do what is right for you. You know the best. Just remember that if any third party gets involved, for ex. police gets called, she can get them to use your previous legal history against you. So, in that case, be very calm and patient. Present your best polite side to any third party.

[AnthroHeart]

I am mostly anxious about having to fly out to Tennessee at the end of August and do some work under the nose of my boss. Not sure how it will be there having an agenda to follow. Usually my job gives me a sense of freedom.

[Steppingfeet]

[AnthroHeart]

Thanks GLB. Cute owls by the way. I'm a fighter for my life, no doubt. I do see things getting better, just have to stay strong.

I wish Robin Williams had seen that.

[SeekOne]

Our anxiety is one, dear brother. Thank you for sharing so courageously so that you may be both served and of service by/to others. My respect to you.

[AnthroHeart]

I feel better already. I had to recreate some work that got lost, that was frustrating. But now it's done. And backed up too.

Kind of looking forward to the flight to TN on August 25.

[isis]

"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself the most comforting words of all: this, too, shall pass."

[AnthroHeart]

"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself the most comforting words of all: this, too, shall pass."

There's a lot of "too's" that have to pass. Not just one.

[manniz]

"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself the most comforting words of all: this, too, shall pass."

That was a timely quote for me. It triggered me back into happy mode. Thanks.

[AnthroHeart]

I don't want to repeat 3D, but if I do, I will choose different circumstances.

[AnthroHeart]

I have a lot to offer this forum, through my many years ahead.