Ups and Downs

[AnthroHeart]

Who has the extreme ups and downs that I do?
One day I'm happy to be here.
Another I'm scared of life.

Right now I'm leaning toward the latter.

I'm doing well at work. And things are ok with my mom.
And my dog's doing ok.

But I feel I have a chemical imbalance, or a blockage, or another problem.
It's not just inner anxiety anymore. Earlier today I felt tired, but ok. Now I'm awake, but not so ok. And it's not because of environment.

Perhaps there's a little homesickness thrown in.

[Unbound]

I think that's just the nature of experiential consciousness, to fluctuate, especially in a veiled state. However, could you identify a core where this feeling seems to stem from within you?

[AnthroHeart]

I'm doing the breathing, and letting gravity take my weight.
It only helps so much.

It's source feels like my solar plexus.
But my mind feels spacey as well.

It's just life. Something I feel I didn't sign up for,
not knowing it would be like this before I came here.

But I can still smile when I try.
My avatar helps.

[Unbound]

Well, if you were to describe what you feel in your solar plexus, what would it look or feel like? Texture, colour, substance?

[AnthroHeart]

Well, if you were to describe what you feel in your solar plexus, what would it look or feel like? Texture, colour, substance?

Angst, like this song. The part about birds fly in reverse, and nature is all messed up. And "I can't believe the echoes of the falling rain." make me suggest such intense catalyst that one cannot stand it.

[Unbound]

Well, what does the solar plexus center pertain to? What catalyst is coming to you?

[AnthroHeart]

Right now it's my mom nagging me to do work.
My job still provides catalyst.
I'm not good on the phone.
I'm not good at talking to my mom.
She always wants to tell me what to do.

And I'm a little sad I didn't win the lottery,
because I could help out a friend who needs help.

Financially it is tight, but not so bad that I can't spare a few bucks to play the lotto.
I'm just tight in other regards with my money. I don't go buying stuff.
But it's ok financially. Just could be better once I pay off a few loans.

[Unbound]

Aha Well when we win the lottery I will help you and your friend out

[AnthroHeart]

I meant to say thank you Tanner for your help before.

I don't play lotto much, because of the odds.

My friend is good to talk to, although he's an atheist and the Law of One is foreign to him.
He didn't understand the part of we being gods.

That Ra music gets me scared all over again, like it did when I had my schizo state.
But it's not the reason I'm scared of life.
That reason I have yet to find out.
Probably the responsibility.

[Unbound]

Aha You're welcome. What scares you about responsibility?

[AnthroHeart]

The Ra song Waste of Space makes me feel like a waste of space. It goes back to the time I had my schizo episodes.

What I fear about responsibility is having to do something. I'd be much happier doing nothing at all.

Though I don't mind feeding my dogs.

Responsibility at work is going to pick up. Probably some requests down the pike that will be hard to implement.

My immediate project is going well.

I am sensitive to the music I listen to.

[Unbound]

Why does doing nothing make you happy?

[AnthroHeart]

It would make me feel like I'm retired. I can't wait for that time.
I don't know if I'll be bored out of my mind, or if this
forum will still be here then. Who knows if the internet
will still exist in its current state.

[Unbound]

What about that is appealing for you? Just out of curiosity aha

[AnthroHeart]

I'm not put on the spot to managers. Having to defend my job at the end of each year.
Some of the work I do is like figuring out puzzles. I don't like puzzles that much.
You have to really think sometimes. And I'd rather be sleeping.

When I sleep, I'm on the other side of the veil, and I like experiencing time/space much more.
I like being in dreamland. But there's more to life than sleeping.

When I retire I'll probably have time for drawing and such. I don't make the time now,
since I spend a lot of it on this forum.

[Plenum]

there's a certain portion of consciousness that likes stability and predictability. It likes habits. It like's things to be 'known'.

not being able to predict one's moods (ups and downs) or one's energy levels (tired when you need to be alert, and alert when there's nothing to do) can be extremely stressful and anxiety causing to the self.

I've been there; and not knowing what is coming up in one's day, or the next hour can be extremely troubling. Especially if it has to do with one's own consciousness, and not even anything external.

- -

this may sound like a shot in the dark Gemini, but have you looked more closely at your diet? I am not suggesting anything specific (as there is not any one fix that will apply to every body, in every situation), but in my own past, I had a lot of issues regards food and 'digestion'. I dunno if it was a deep level rejection of this earthly environment (similiar to the allergies that Ra describes) but I had to experiment almost constantly to find a food intake that didn't leave me weary, or in lack or certain nutrients.

I found that taking some digestive enzymes (like the very cheap ones offered by the Now Foods company; not a plug, but just very good experiences with them over many years) helped a fair bit in that respect.

If the raw material that we are taking into our bodies is not 'compatible' with us on a deeper level, then that can definitely cause issues over a long term.

[Jade]

I found that taking some digestive enzymes (like the very cheap ones offered by the Now Foods company; not a plug, but just very good experiences with them over many years) helped a fair bit in that respect.

If the raw material that we are taking into our bodies is not 'compatible' with us on a deeper level, then that can definitely cause issues over a long term.

This is a great point! Another option to pro-biotic capsules is sauerkraut (or any other fermented food), preferably home made. Two tablespoons of homemade sauerkraut has as many digestive enzymes as a 100 count bottle! It's so good for you! I tried to make some but my first batch got too moldy for my comfort, so I bought some kimchi at the farmer's market. Really, if you consider you only need a bite or two a day as "medicine", it's a pretty cheap way to give your body some needed TLC.

[AnthroHeart]

I'm taking a pro-biotic that my mom purchased for me. It's $11 a bottle for like 30 pills. Kind of steep.

Not sure how it has helped with digestion.

I eat a lot of Mexican food, so it's not the healthiest.