Clearing Inner Turmoil and Confusion

[AnthroHeart]

They say meditate. When I do I just feel pressure at my chakras. When I try moving energy to the undeveloped chakras, it doesn't really move.

I'm confused as to how I should present myself on this forum. Don't want to sound like a broken record with my passions.

There is a sensation at my solar plexus that almost feels like anxiety, but not quite. There is an inner turmoil that I could never be who I truly want to be.

Was life really so much easier without the veil? Is it the source of my troubles?

I can't find the long-sought-after peace through meditation, nor can I find the serenity.

I've done a bit of shadow work, trying to reach out to those undiscovered parts of myself, but I don't like them. I still try to come to peace with that side of myself. The attempted murderer side.

Then there is the other side of me that knows that stillness is out there. Or that stillness is in here, somewhere. Part of me is a star, and has no troubles. It just lives, and gives life, in a mutually beneficial exchange.

I talked with a friend of mine who is not spiritual at all. He has inner turmoil. I suppose that most people do.

Finding balance has not been one of my biggest goals, because what would that really achieve. I can be happier focusing on what brings me joy. Watching furry videos, or petting my dog are about the only two things that bring me joy. Oh, and spending time in sunlight is good too.

I go up and down it seems. I've learned to live with a handicap. One of manifestation. The things I can manifest I don't really want. I want what I can not manifest. This is of course in 3D.

I wonder sometimes if I came straight from the Logos. Because Creation is like my #1 thing. Being able to create is a passion of mine. I guess that would bring me joy too, and bliss, if I could create a world. If I could be a star. A blue star. About the size of our sun is fine. I'd have about 14 billion years of life. That's enough for me to explore creation to my fullest desire. Perhaps being a star would be my greatest fullfillment. Not being an anthro. That would be swell, but a 3D anthro is still veiled, and still has sorrow, and inner turmoil.

Is a star at peace?

[xise]

Balance is peace.

Re: Balance (Experience, Energy Centers, Beliefs, Kundalini, Harvestability: it's all related - the underlined portion is the method I use to achieve balance. It is a very effective method to use for personal evolution.)

49.6 Questioner: What process would be the recommended process for correctly awakening, as they say, the kundalini and of what value would that be?

Ra: I am Ra. The metaphor of the coiled serpent being called upwards is vastly appropriate for consideration by your peoples. This is what you are attempting when you seek. There are, as we have stated, great misapprehensions concerning this metaphor and the nature of pursuing its goal. We must generalize and ask that you grasp the fact that this in effect renders far less useful that which we share. However, as each entity is unique, generalities are our lot when communicating for your possible edification.

We have two types of energy. We are attempting then, as entities in any true color of this octave, to move the meeting place of inner and outer natures further and further along or upward along the energy centers. The two methods of approaching this with sensible method are first, the seating within one’s self of those experiences which are attracted to the entity through the south pole. Each experience will need to be observed, experienced, balanced, accepted, and seated within the individual. As the entity grows in self-acceptance and awareness of catalyst the location of the comfortable seating of these experiences will rise to the new true-color entity. The experience, whatever it may be, will be seated in red ray and considered as to its survival content and so forth.

Each experience will be sequentially understood by the growing and seeking mind/body/spirit complex in terms of survival, then in terms of personal identity, then in terms of social relations, then in terms of universal love, then in terms of how the experience may beget free communication, then in terms of how the experience may be linked to universal energies, and finally in terms of the sacramental nature of each experience.

Meanwhile the Creator lies within. In the north pole the crown is already upon the head and the entity is potentially a god. This energy is brought into being by the humble and trusting acceptance of this energy through meditation and contemplation of the self and of the Creator.

Where these energies meet is where the serpent will have achieved its height. When this uncoiled energy approaches universal love and radiant being the entity is in a state whereby the harvestability of the entity comes nigh.

[Jeremy]

Never be confused as to how to present yourself because if others have an issue with who you are and how you present yourself then that is their issue to work through.

If you can't be who you truly want to be given the constraints of this density, then are you really sure this is who you were meant to be in the first place or could it potentially be a thoughtform created in your mind to hide your true path and persona?

Are you sure life is easier without the veil? It seems to me that progression is very very slow the higher the density you are in so it must not be that easy.

When I meditate, I don't feel at peace. I feel nothing at all to be honest, maybe a little dizziness but other than that it's just quietly focusing upon nothing. It's the end result that brings me peace once I take that big breath in and out, smile, then open my eyes at the end. This is where I feel great. Maybe my intentions are a bit different though in terms of expectations during my meditations.

As far as the parts of yourself that you don't like. You don't necessarily have to like it but I don't get the feeling that you have truly accepted it either. There are aspects of myself that I don't necessarily like or used to be embarrassed about but now I just shrug it off and say "eh it's just part of me" then move on from there.

Everyone has struggles and everyone will always have struggles of some sort. It's how we confront such struggles, embrace the struggle and find the lesson within the struggle how we excel and progress as seekers.

[Unbound]

They say meditate. When I do I just feel pressure at my chakras. When I try moving energy to the undeveloped chakras, it doesn't really move.

I'm confused as to how I should present myself on this forum. Don't want to sound like a broken record with my passions.

There is a sensation at my solar plexus that almost feels like anxiety, but not quite. There is an inner turmoil that I could never be who I truly want to be.

Was life really so much easier without the veil? Is it the source of my troubles?

I can't find the long-sought-after peace through meditation, nor can I find the serenity.

I've done a bit of shadow work, trying to reach out to those undiscovered parts of myself, but I don't like them. I still try to come to peace with that side of myself. The attempted murderer side.

Then there is the other side of me that knows that stillness is out there. Or that stillness is in here, somewhere. Part of me is a star, and has no troubles. It just lives, and gives life, in a mutually beneficial exchange.

I talked with a friend of mine who is not spiritual at all. He has inner turmoil. I suppose that most people do.

Finding balance has not been one of my biggest goals, because what would that really achieve. I can be happier focusing on what brings me joy. Watching furry videos, or petting my dog are about the only two things that bring me joy. Oh, and spending time in sunlight is good too.

I go up and down it seems. I've learned to live with a handicap. One of manifestation. The things I can manifest I don't really want. I want what I can not manifest. This is of course in 3D.

I wonder sometimes if I came straight from the Logos. Because Creation is like my #1 thing. Being able to create is a passion of mine. I guess that would bring me joy too, and bliss, if I could create a world. If I could be a star. A blue star. About the size of our sun is fine. I'd have about 14 billion years of life. That's enough for me to explore creation to my fullest desire. Perhaps being a star would be my greatest fullfillment. Not being an anthro. That would be swell, but a 3D anthro is still veiled, and still has sorrow, and inner turmoil.

Is a star at peace?

How much do you take that power of creation and use it through your body?

I have seen you mention variously that you have written a book and self-published it although you seem to be a little disappointed with its performance. Why not try and get it published through a publisher then? Or write another book to be published?

Perhaps you would find more satisfaction with your creative ability if you completed it "full circle" through your being, not just keeping it in your mind and spirit but actually creating your ideas in the physical?

You like the idea of creating realities. Do you draw? Have you thought about getting in to 3D graphics design? Or maybe you might be interested in film?

If you ask me, I think you need to take a break from "just being" (which has appeared to me as your "default" focus for the two years I have seen you on here) and start exploring your capacity to do, to build and express.

[manniz]

Gemini, do not obsess about balance. You are fine as you are. Focus on happiness and love bro. Think about this that off the 65 million+ wanderers and many other good people, very tiny minority are aware about stuff like Ra material. A good number of them are just being loving and happy, without worrying about spiritual material and densities. Some of them are going to be way wiser and loving than many posters here too (positive).

Coming across spiritual material may create a conflict as in - are you good enough, are you balanced enough. Frankly, I see that as being very common on this forum. Many love, Chakra obsessed seem to have that too. yet, there have to be many, many wanderers, many wise and loving people, who are just learning and teaching as they are, without worrying about balance. More than the faith in spirituality, have faith in your own love and honesty. You got plenty of that.

Do not stress about chakras, meditation, balance etc. If you like it, then focus on them. Otherwise, do not stress about them. Your being-ness is more than enough. If you are being a compassionate human being as you are, within your imaginations, and your love to God, you are creating enough balance.

Some of the best people I know have no idea about spiritual material, densities, chakras etc. Yet they are being the creator in such a beautiful manner. I also see lots of fakes, and not so intelligent, who incessantly focus on Chakras, their balance, spreading non-stop love. Many of the unaware are free and loving, and many of the aware are suffocating and dull.

My brotherly advice would be to like yourself as you are, and spend happy moments with yourself, your dog, your good friends, without worrying at all about densities etc. You post such happy thoughts, and then you start worrying about densities, balancing etc. Think about patience by being positive that this creation is going to satisfy your love-filled desires, and your wisdom-filled questions in every which way.

You are doing good bro. Very good. Better than many spiritual fakes and adepts I have observed. Again, remember that most of the wise and loving people right now on Earth do not have access to spiritual material such as Ra. Yet, they are doing good. You are doing very good too. In third density, down and low moments come and go. What is our essence are the bright moments.

In our long path, we are going to experience far, far more happiness than the low moments. Let the low moments exist, and wander away. You are doing good.

---

start exploring your capacity to do, to build and express.

This too. What I meant by being-ness Gemini was you being you, with your imaginations and creativity, without worrying about densities, the perfect balance etc. Hardly anyone on Earth is perfectly balanced. Many imbalanced are far more loving and engaging human beings. If you are creating in your own mind with love and creativity, you are doing good Gemini.

---

a 3D anthro is still veiled, and still has sorrow, and inner turmoil.

Is a star at peace?

Gemini, sorrow and inner turmoil are very valuable experiences too, as long as you can learn from them. Think about how much of the intense creativity (movies, music, books) come from sorrow. The infinite creator could have just created happiness and nothing else. Yet, it created confusion, which it knew was going to lead to sorrow. I had to face many internal sorrows too, but with time, they all turned out to be very valuable intense experiences. Sorrow can teach us far more about life than many empty spiritual phrases. Just make sure, you are not broke.

From my lame perspective, Gemini, you are doing good, until you start worrying too much about the spiritual stuff. Let the down moments exist and wander away brother. You will cherish some of them, once you are comfortable and happy beyond this life.

[Melissa]

The nice thing about all emotions is that they're fleeting. When my inner turmoil flares up I attempt to figure out what's causing it (on sensible days), do some yoga, martial arts or go for a drive and scream. Yes, scream! Sometimes it's just a lot of pent up energy, that's when meditation is the worst thing to do.

[AnthroHeart]

Thank you all for your valuable input.
Xise for the input on balance.
Jeremy for not being afraid to be myself.
Tanner for doing in addition to being.
Manniz for me being fine as I am.
Melissa for how emotions are fleeting.

I'm feeling better now.
When I meditate and get the uncomfortable sensation in my solar plexus, instead of trying to change it, I just ride it out. Eventually it subsides. I first thought it was anxiety, but it's not quite like that. I still have my anthros to make me happy. It was just when I found them in meditation, my heart became overactive, so I thought I couldn't focus on them anymore. But I still find peace and love when I rest my head on their chest in my mind. Being a star can wait. I wouldn't want to be responsible for billions of souls.

[AnthroHeart]

How much do you take that power of creation and use it through your body?

I hadn't thought about doing that before, but I don't know really the powers of creation. I think my issues are more psychological than physical. I am mostly desiring to clear the confusion about how reality works.

[Unbound]

How much do you take that power of creation and use it through your body?

I hadn't thought about doing that before, but I don't know really the powers of creation. I think my issues are more psychological than physical. I am mostly desiring to clear the confusion about how reality works.

What part of reality?

[AnthroHeart]

I should have said the mechanics of Law of Attraction. How it really works. Plus how creation works.

[Unbound]

I should have said the mechanics of Law of Attraction. How it really works. Plus how creation works.

You do realize how broad those subjects are, yes? My point is, what do you think would enable you to learn these things?

[AnthroHeart]

Probably reading more will give me more insight. It would satisfy my curiosity about the nature of things.

[Unbound]

Is that then assuming that others have figured these things out?

[xise]

I'd put money on the idea that we can't fully figure out how 3D manifestation works while we are in 3D. But I think we can learn about the process and that it can be a useful thing to study.

It's definitely not as simple as the book Law of Attraction suggests (at least from how the book reviews describe it).

[AnthroHeart]

There are so many philosophies out there it's hard to know what is truth. Many mythologies that supposedly have a basis in reality. I believe there are others who know more than I do about the nature of reality and manifestation. Also, about learning to be still, and have a stillness about me. Meditation has only gotten me so far. I've looked inward, but can't contact my higher self. I don't recognize the signs about what my higher self is telling me.

People might not have figured things out 100%, but I like expanding my knowledge. And I think reading will help that point. And regarding creation, I was referring to how it all started. How the beginning of the Octave formed. And about the nature of the veil. The mechanics of how the veil works.

[Hotsizzle77]

They say meditate. When I do I just feel pressure at my chakras. When I try moving energy to the undeveloped chakras, it doesn't really move.

I'm confused as to how I should present myself on this forum. Don't want to sound like a broken record with my passions.

There is a sensation at my solar plexus that almost feels like anxiety, but not quite. There is an inner turmoil that I could never be who I truly want to be.

Was life really so much easier without the veil? Is it the source of my troubles?

I can't find the long-sought-after peace through meditation, nor can I find the serenity.

I've done a bit of shadow work, trying to reach out to those undiscovered parts of myself, but I don't like them. I still try to come to peace with that side of myself. The attempted murderer side.

Then there is the other side of me that knows that stillness is out there. Or that stillness is in here, somewhere. Part of me is a star, and has no troubles. It just lives, and gives life, in a mutually beneficial exchange.

I talked with a friend of mine who is not spiritual at all. He has inner turmoil. I suppose that most people do.

Finding balance has not been one of my biggest goals, because what would that really achieve. I can be happier focusing on what brings me joy. Watching furry videos, or petting my dog are about the only two things that bring me joy. Oh, and spending time in sunlight is good too.

I go up and down it seems. I've learned to live with a handicap. One of manifestation. The things I can manifest I don't really want. I want what I can not manifest. This is of course in 3D.

I wonder sometimes if I came straight from the Logos. Because Creation is like my #1 thing. Being able to create is a passion of mine. I guess that would bring me joy too, and bliss, if I could create a world. If I could be a star. A blue star. About the size of our sun is fine. I'd have about 14 billion years of life. That's enough for me to explore creation to my fullest desire. Perhaps being a star would be my greatest fullfillment. Not being an anthro. That would be swell, but a 3D anthro is still veiled, and still has sorrow, and inner turmoil.

Is a star at peace?

Hey GW, I respect all of your posts on this forum, really interesting to read.

However, there appears to be a misunderstanding of the use of meditation. I want you to ask yourself, why do I receive great joy when I pet my dog? Why do I receive great joy when I watch furry videos? What is it about furries that cause a chemical arousal of emotional joy?

The purpose of meditation /and the way I would recommend for you is to sit in silence and focus your attention on the furries, followed by all of your attention on the joy, make it intense...focus.

Then, focus on the exact opposite. This may be difficult but the end result will be a clear view of your emotions, a view of both sides of the same coin.

You then will understand your distortion and accept it. Acceptance and understanding releases your chakra blockages. You can also do this kind of work for every emotion you feel whether it be positive or negative.

The whole point of my post is for you to work with your emotions/distortions in a meditative state, have no fear man, get to know yourself better everyday.

[AnthroHeart]

The only way I can think about the opposite of joy is to imagine my dog getting stabbed, or to a lesser extent, an anthro/furry being hurt. There's got to be more than one way to bring about the opposite of joy.

[xise]

The opposite balancing technique is great.

Another good technique is the asking of questions to get to the core belief. Teal Scott describes a decent way to get to core imbalances here in her shadow work video (I know the technique can definitely be used outside of shadow work as I use something similar. I would also advise that her video is not the end all be all of shadow work or balancing techniques in general; it's just something I found yesterday that may be of use to you):



Basically, whenever something bothers you, keep asking yourself two questions:

(1) What does that mean to me?
(2) If this were true, why would it be bad?

The video has a great example of this at around the 5:00 mark. You gotta go deep with the questions, layer after layer, probably around 5-10 iterations of repeated questions for most to get to the core beliefs. In her example, she goes from the bothersome thought "my roommate keeps our place messy" to the core belief of "I feel worthless." I have personally used questioning to go from a seemingly external bothersome belief like that to a deeply held internal imbalance. Questioning works wonders if you're willing to put effort into digging ultra-deep. Here's a key hint: The core belief is usually an energy center-related belief (I call it the chakra cheat sheet).

p.s. Teal actually also discusses a version of the opposite balancing technique in this video as well.