Dealing with devastating separation.

[anagogy]

I am dealing with some intensely negative catalyst in my life right now. My partner of a year broke up with me. We expressed our love for each other repeatedly over the course of this year. She was the most amazing person I've ever met: fun, intelligent, and beautiful. This isn't the longest relationship I've been in, by any stretch, but I loved her so much. And then she broke up with me through a text message. Completely unexpected. It was so cold, and she absolutely refused to talk to me face to face. The intensity of this love made the breakup completely devastating.

I feel dead inside. I feel like my soul has turned to ashes, and my heart center is permanently closed for business. I'm numb and depressed. I confronted her at her job, and she still refused to even give me ten minutes to get some emotional closure by saying goodbye. The pain is overwhelming. It would appear she had been cheating on me for some time. Every breath feels suffocating.

Anyway, long story short, I am in a very dark place at the moment, and I thought I would turn to the people of this forum for advice. Perhaps if anyone could share their experiences of devastating break up and how they rose out of the ashes of anhedonia, and crippling sadness and anger and healed themselves? I could really use some positive energy right now. I feel broken.

[GentleReckoning]

My partner of 4 months broke up with me after my 21st birthday. I really don't remember how it went down, but it didn't really sink in for a while. It had been a rocky relationship, but as I felt I could help her I leaned on my compassion and used that to get past my constant thoughts of becoming too quickly attached to someone. She was immediately in the arms of someone else and I was left alone. I didn't handle it very well. My world immediately lost all meaning which was somewhat unfortunate as I was in the process of trying to graduate from school. Time blurred together, I slept a lot, and would occasionally become manic but most of the time would simply drift through life trying to look normal for everyone else. I cut myself a teensy bit, just because it seemed to be the thing to do when you were down. Unfortunately, I didn't get any kind of a rush from the act and didn't have any desire to explore that further. I got her to meet up with me twice afterwards and each time she was kind enough to talk to me for a bit. I dated a couple other people hoping that I'd be able to release my attachment in the arms of someone else, but it didn't do much for me.

I made her some knitted arm warmers as she had knit me a scarf and I was pretty desperate at the time. I simply assumed that deep down she felt the same as me and went off of that.

This event was catalyst that shaped my life and affects me to this day.

---

Oh, I've finally started healing form that by learning to share myself and have kind of become extremely skilled at healing from repression through communication in the process.

[Jeremy]

Forgiveness. It's one of what I call the ultimate tests of this density. Meditate on it then meditate some more. Ask why this happened in your head or aloud would be even better as a prayer of sorts. Once you get to a place of calm in your mind, forgive her and forgive her aloud. You may not ever know her reasons but have the faith to know that forgiveness of what now seems like an unforgivable act is what is needed at this juncture.

[Patrick]

I feel for you my friend. I went through something similar in the 90s. Personally, I do not understand how people are even able to simply stop loving. I am still in love with all my ex-girlfriends, no exceptions.

If you are going through this, it's because on some level you know you can get on top of it. There is purpose behind it, even if it is currently impossible to see.

[βαθμιαίος]

Oh, I'm so sorry for you. I have experienced anhedonia but not for the same reason. I'm not sure what was responsible for healing me -- time, maybe.

Ra assures us that "in unity... all that is broken is healed." Maybe you can find in yourself those things that you loved about her?

[Unbound]

That is never fun, break ups can be devastating.

It is understandable all the ways you would feel hurt by that and grieving is a natural process in every loss so be sure that you are doing yourself the honour of letting your emotions be what they are, hurt, angry or anything else.

For myself, I have been through a couple severe break ups which resulted in a lot of depression and self esteem issues. Although it may not help to ease the pain, I found for myself that it helped me to spend some time thinking about a few things. One, what the loss meant to me, what parts of myself I had invested that I felt had been wasted, lost or used improperly. This lead me to the second train of thought, an examination and establishment of my values and what is important to me. This lead me to think of what WASN'T lost, the strengths and positive aspects of myself which still remain regardless of being with the person.

However, the thing that I think enabled me to finally move on wasn't necessarily something which resolved or alleviated the pain so much as gave the pain context and in that context I was able to find peace. The words that come to mind are - "If you love someone/something, let them go. If they/it returns, they were meant to be with you, if not, then they were only meant to be with you temporarily."

It is very hard and painful to let love go, especially when you want to keep feeling the love. I had a very intense break up with my last long term relationship and ultimately the realization I came to was that even though I had to let go of her, the person I was with, I didn't have to let go of the love and care I felt for her.

Consider what is really important to you in terms of love. Is it loving, is it being loved, is it simply knowing love is there?

Love is never painful in itself, it is only when love is threatened or feels lost that the painful emotions come up to fill the space where the love had been. Its important, I feel, to let ourselves fully feel our loss, and then work to realize that nothing was truly lost. It is painful to separate from others, especially those close to us, but when all is said and done, isn't it truly just because we desire happiness both for ourselves and for the other?

As painful and gut wrenching as it is, I think the most freeing realization in this kind of situation is that happiness doesn't come because of people, it comes from being accepting of where you are and what your situation in life is. Yes, other people can certainly provide joyful situations, but we also have to accept that people can be happy even without us. Allowing others to be happy without us is, I think, a very challenging thing to do and even painful, but once acceptance of the total free will of the other is considered it is hard to think of it any other way.

Anyways, kind of went off a little there, I am sorry for your loss, I wish you well!

[Turtle]

I feel for you my friend. I went through something similar in the 90s. Personally, I do not understand how people are even able to simply stop loving. I am still in love with all my ex-girlfriends, no exceptions.

If you are going through this, it's because on some level you know you can get on top of it. There is purpose behind it, even if it is currently impossible to see.

I agree with that sentiment. Once I realized, with much time of course, that I was fully healed from a past love...I could still remember them and feel love for them even while understanding that I'll never link up with them again. That's true forgiveness of self and other-self within your mind and heart, to know that and feel that.

anagogy, forgiveness is the key you are looking for. When sincere about wanting to forgive yourself and the other self in a relationship, your higher self will definitely show you what steps to take to achieve that...no reason to delay the mending of your heart!

[isis]

[removed]

[Jade]

Oh dear anagogy, I have felt this pain numerous times. I have been a serial monogamist basically since age 13, and more often than not I was the one dumped, and it's almost always devastating. Let me see what I can well up that may help.

Firstly, it is probably helpful to think about what karma is being released. Do you think this has anything to do with a past life with her? (obviously probably yes) Or maybe it could just be ascension related dissolution? The "outside" context might be good to consider since it was so abrupt and layered in secrecy.

I went through several of "the one"s before I came upon my true "one", and it was never so obvious as it was when I met my husband. Every relationship I'd had before him specifically prepared me for my relationship with him, somehow. Every difficulty or major theme was able to be quickly integrated and processed because I'd prepared myself many times over for what it would be like to meet and be together.

Regardless, separation is only possible in 3D, and romantic loss is one of the sharpest most devastating pains (the ashen soul and absent heart indeed). As my ex at 19 who left me for a 15 year old while I was out of the country would say quoting his favorite movie, "The sweet isn't as sweet without the sour."

Whatever the outcome, for certain you are making room for more love, whether it be for yourself, or a new partner, or both. I'd recommend taking these dark times to express yourself in whatever artistic medium you usually do, as it can be so satisfactory.

Sending lots of love your way!

[Melissa]

I broke up with my partner after spending ten years together. That was over two years ago and eventhough it was a very harmonious break up, the devastation of being 'alone' has often caused me much pain and suffering. After we broke up I fell madly in love, or so I thought, with a guy I'd met online. We had scheduled to meet up, I had already booked a flight to the UK, when he suddenly announced his feelings towards another woman and they had already made plans to move to France together. But I was still welcome to come visit if I wanted. So, I went there, pretending I wasn't bothered at all, secretly hoping that he would change his mind.. Well, He didn't. And it took me a long time to understand why and what that experience has taught me.
Time, just give it time, sit with it, cry, forgive and find a creative outlet. That's been, and still is, most helpful for me.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. Much love and blessings to you!

[Marc]

I broke up with my highschool gf after 3 years of being extremely close. It was mutual, but even then I went through a period of hell for the next 3 months. My heart felt like it was torn out of my chest. I would play guitar to release the emotion I had and at times that wasn't enough. I also wrote a ton of poetry during that time which really seemed to help me. I also starting writing songs with one friend (who later became my wife!).

Maybe find a creative outlet for this pain.

Also remember unconditional lets go and accepts even when it might feel like death to do so.

And lastly, the pain will pass with time and joy does come in the morning. (For me that was becoming very close to my wife to be.)

Looking back I see I needed and treasured that breakup time and it was an amazing catalyst for me to grow spiritually.

Much love to you

[Aureus]

I feel I'm repeating myself about crystals but...

Quite recently, an aquaintance to me went through a divorce.. I could tell he was going through a lot, showed signs of depression etc. So I gave him a red jasper.. a couple of weeks later he looked a lot cheerier. I've been told he always carries it with him.

It really is an awesome tool to help with feeling lonely and unloved. And as I've said in the past, the red jasper should be around 40-120g and blood-red.(Bit orangey red).

[reeay]

I've never cheated but I've done the avoidant-style break up via email once years ago. Not my brightest moment. It was a selfish need to just break things cleanly w/o drama bc I did not want to even examine my responsibilities in this relationship. It was certainly not an action that considered the well being or done in care for another. At that moment of preserving faux-peace within, I acted in my own self interest.

Whatever your partner's reason (perhaps it's similar perhaps different from my experience), it is about her need for some sort of control/management of (potentially dangerous) situation. If she were to own up to the responsibility of her infidelity and her dishonesty, she would have to see herself in the most unpleasant light. Easier to avoid responsibility. Easier to avoid other people's response to own lack of responsibility.

I wanted to bring her up as a focus bc sometimes it helps to change perspectives - get a bit away from the sadness and pain of break up to understanding what catalyst other may be going thru to engage in such behavior. Perhaps you may see her actions and understand it a bit better, even if it's projecting one's own ideas about what she may be going thru.

Big hugs

[isis]

[removed]

[kycahi]

You are suffering the very worst kind of heart disease--a broken one. Most of us have been there and a whole industry exists because of it. You are experiencing this in real time, and fortunately time will heal it almost completely. The scar that remains will serve to strengthen it a little bit. Just live each day at a time while that goes on.

I used to write software, and the C language has a type of data container called a structure. The programmer defines it to carry whatever bits of information are appropriate for the task.

The word "structure" implies something that has strength and rigidity. For some reason that I don't remember, I decided that everybody carries around what I call "Assumption Structures" which give us some quick data for each person that we know and for a stranger that we meet. For example, when we first meet an elderly lady, we have a generic assumption structure that tells us not to use rough language around her and not to bring up certain topics. As we know her more, she will personalize the assumptions somewhat.

The assumption structure we have for our significant other self, whom we love very much, is rich with ideas and memories, and seems to be very strong. When such person suddenly proves that those assumptions are wrong, it leaves us with a gaping hole in that structure or breaks it completely. This is a huge shock to the fundamentals of the world as we know it, and severe pain results.

The gift to you and, therefore the One, is the experience of it. The kind that you can't read about in a book, but you can get a slight feeling for in a song, and Country Music is the "industry" that I mentioned up at the top.

[Namaste]

Always remember, analogy, you're worthy of love. Moreso from yourself than from another.

This person, if cheating on you, is better out of your life.

Any aspect of any person that you love, is an aspect of the Creator. You can find it again, not only in another Self, but in your Self too.

Don't judge yourself. Forgive this other self. Love yourself.

Ra: I am Ra.

Exercise One. This is the most nearly centered and usable within your illusion complex. The moment contains love. That is the lesson/goal of this illusion or density. The exercise is to consciously seek that love in awareness and understanding distortions. The first attempt is the cornerstone. Upon this choosing rests the remainder of the life-experience of an entity. The second seeking of love within the moment begins the addition. The third seeking powers the second, the fourth powering or doubling the third. As with the previous type of empowerment, there will be some loss of power due to flaws within the seeking in the distortion of insincerity. However, the conscious statement of self to self of the desire to seek love is so central an act of will that, as before, the loss of power due to this friction is inconsequential.

Exercise Two. The universe is one being. When a mind/body/spirit complex views another mind/body/spirit complex, see the Creator. This is an helpful exercise.

Exercise Three. Gaze within a mirror. See the Creator.

Exercise Four. Gaze at the creation which lies about the mind/body/spirit complex of each entity. See the Creator.

The foundation or prerequisite of these exercises is a predilection towards what may be called meditation, contemplation, or prayer. With this attitude, these exercises can be processed. Without it, the data will not sink down into the roots of the tree of mind, thus enabling and ennobling the body and touching the spirit.

Remember that this is all a play of light. A learning experience. Remember who you are :¬)

That first offer of forgiveness, or smile to yourself in the mirror, can be your cornerstone.

[BrownEye]

Did my thing, maybe you feel stronger.

[Melissa]

"Divorce is a 3D solution. Breaking. Separation. Divorce is the idea of separating oneself to artificially create the illusion that you are not connected to that person. The 4D version of “divorce” will be the recognition of two people that the relationship is going in a different direction, and that is allowed. There is no separation, because you can never be separate. You allow the other person to move in that direction.

Energetically, you are finding that everyone is touched by these energies. Each person is reacting to them in the only way they know how.
Some people are denying them. Some people are swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction. Some people are polarizing. Some people are going with the flow. But you are going to find that this issue is not going to go away. It is going to challenge you, and challenge you, and challenge you until you can come face to face with your own feelings of inadequacy and aloneness and how you have sought relationships to fill that gap.

Energetically you will create less disharmony if you move with it. If you create resistance, you will create more discomfort and pain."

http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/vida_a...oyal17.htm


I thought this was quite insightful

[Ankh]

Dear brother, I am so sorry to hear what happened to you!

I don't have an experience of broken heart in matters of mated relationships, but I do know pain and what broken heart means! My heart got so broken that it later manifested in my physical body as a decease which brings a lot of pain. Even today, when my heart is closed, I can sometimes feel this pain coming back, and need to take my medication, lay down and contemplate love, in order to heal.

As to that pain, the pain of broken heart, I have lately discovered that it maybe isn't that bad. It isn't something that I should fear and avoid. It is there no matter what I do, it is there no matter how much I try to numb it with gazillions different things, and it isn't going away. So, what I have lately discovered is actually a state of not fearing it, but facing it right as it is, while I keep encouring myself that "it's not that bad, it's not that bad, it's not that bad". And my oh my, I have discovered that there is some sort of beauty in this pain, when you let it to overwhelm you, and embrace you, letting it flow through you - that it gives life to me, and that this pain is actually something wonderful. I understand that this might sound strange or weird, but these are my experiences with pain, made in meditation, seeking and contemplation. When I embrace my broken heart, the pain, the loss and missing, it feels like the Infinite One is becoming alive in my everyday life, and I can once again be in touch with this Source.

I send my love and light to you, dear brother!

[anagogy]

Thank you all for your compassionate support.

It means a great deal to me during this dark time.

[kanonathena]

I agree with βαθμιαίος. It is important to realize the attributes that attract you about your ex-partner and find the same in everything around you. You can be in a loving relationship with many things not just her. When you pick up a pencil, eat your breakfast, dump the trash bin, drive your car and see everyone around you, fill your heart with love.

I understand you are in great sorrow right now but that's ok, it will slowly dissipate. I'm sure when you are out of this you will have more perspective and understand what that relationship meant to you.