04-22-2013, 09:12 PM
I have found myself depressed, almost to the point of tears, and far beyond that point in the last 3 months or so. The truth is that I know why, but I don't know how to deal with it. The feeling (and conscious/unconscious decision) is that I'm taking in the suffering around me, in order to relieve it from others. However, I worry that it's actually starting to affect my ability to serve, at work and at home, such that I start to feel like I'm being lazy and letting others serve me where I want to serve them.
So my little rant is actually more about how other wanderers deal with it. I know I'm not the only passive radiator that was incarnated to be bogged down by taking on suffering.
How have you learned to recognize when you have taken too much? How have you learned when your armor has been weakened? How have you learned to hold back the psychic attacks that are preventing you from doing more (I'm actually not sure if the psychic attacks or the taking on of suffering is draining more energy)? Is this all about learning to balance compassion and wisdom, and I'm just not fully there yet? Is it time yet that I can shed this chemical body and do more (I'm so tired; beyond all I have known up to this point)? How can I continue when I'm so tired, but have so much youth left to use?
So my little rant is actually more about how other wanderers deal with it. I know I'm not the only passive radiator that was incarnated to be bogged down by taking on suffering.
How have you learned to recognize when you have taken too much? How have you learned when your armor has been weakened? How have you learned to hold back the psychic attacks that are preventing you from doing more (I'm actually not sure if the psychic attacks or the taking on of suffering is draining more energy)? Is this all about learning to balance compassion and wisdom, and I'm just not fully there yet? Is it time yet that I can shed this chemical body and do more (I'm so tired; beyond all I have known up to this point)? How can I continue when I'm so tired, but have so much youth left to use?