Seeking help - Negative entity taken residence in my field

[Aaron]

Hey everyone

Just a warning, the very real details of this story can be a little shocking due to their relation to sexuality and drug use. However, this is my genuine life experience, and the catalyst I've encountered is as it is and much be spoken about truthfully and honestly as it is.

Also a request... Of course I give permission to any of you to view/feel what my energy field is like, but PLEASE do not perform any sort of action (even healing) without my permission. Thank you for this respect.

This is a catalyst that has been with me since February of this year, and continues to persist with me despite many life changes and personal transformations since then. Every technique and attempt to work with the catalyst has failed to bring resolution to the situation, and I'm totally at the end of my rope here. I'm asking for help from you all now... Attempting to tap into the massive storehouse of wisdom and love that Bring4th is home to. Details below...

In February, I became involved in a channeling group which attempted to channel a known negative entity. I would never ever do such a thing now, but at the time I sincerely believed I was offering my light and love in the best way to be of service. The point of the contact was to ask questions about spiritual evolution and have them answered. There was no power seeking or anything inherently negative about our motivations with creating this contact. But upon looking back on it, I can see that it was a working of mixed orientation - it wasn't entirely service to others because of the conditions and limitations we placed on it.

Anyway, two of us in the group were greeted in different ways during the channeling, of course. There was one particular session in which our negative contact and the beings who were doing the greeting discovered one particularly effective way to begin to manipulate me. They became aware of distortions regarding my sexuality and have played on those ever since.

I say "they" because it was the negative contact which ordered one of the beings underneath him to begin to manipulate me in that way. I don't remember the specifics of what happened right at the beginning, but I'll attempt to share as much as I remember. The channeling group ceased activity shortly after, not because of the greetings but because the questioning and answering had reached its resolution.

After the group ceased the contact, the greetings became particularly worse for me. Now at this point, I wasn't personally aware of anything that was going on - I wasn't even aware that I was being greeted by something outside of me due to the subtlety of the manipulation, so there was no way I could draw a correlation between it and the channeling group. I figured all that out much later. And even later after that I discovered the nature of my "companion".

At that time, I was smoking a lot of marijuana, usually on a daily basis. I am already very energetically sensitive so when I smoke, it opens me up greatly. What began to occur in regards to the specifics of the greeting is that while being high, I became aware of what I suppose I could call a dark other-self in/on/around me. This intelligence would interact with me in a sexual fashion while I was engaged in.... uhhhh... shall we say, normal automatic self-sexual behavior.

I have always been heavily biased towards sexuality of the mind, as opposed to body or spirit. The mind is where my heart, or at least my current interest, of my sexuality lies. The manipulation began during periods while I was high and exploring my own sexuality. This intelligence interacted with my thoughts by stimulating my energy body and physical body in a sexual manner wherever I wished it to be. I could feel sexual sensations in my throat, hands, or anywhere and everywhere and however specific way I requested of this subtle intelligence. It didn't feel like a separate being.

This was actually a great service to me because through this, and through the unasked-for manipulation of my energy body later on, I was able to gain intimate and detailed awareness of my energy body that I would have probably never otherwise gained. i.e. I know where almost all of my energy channels/lines terminate, and know which energy channels/lines affect which portions of at least the lower energy centers.

So on it went for a short time like that. Eventually this intelligence began slightly changing the game it was playing. It began to move into sexuality of the mind, playing on my distortions there. It slowly but surely unequivocally set up its dominance over my sexual function. At the time, my distortions were in such a way as to allow this due to curiosity combined with the feeling of helplessness - that I couldn't do anything to change it. When what seemed like some kind of intelligence that had split off from myself in the first place began to play power and dominance games with my sexuality, I was a little disturbed and confused, but also sickly curious as to how fun playing on the playground of the sexuality of the mind could become.

It attempted to show its dominance over me by activating/stimulating me sexually at inappropriate times, and by otherwise forcing sexuality onto me or dictating the whens and hows my sexual function. This only continued on because of my own distortions in that area, which mentally allowed this to happen. I didn't know how to respond to this, being unsure if it was even psychic greeting. My reactions ranged from sending love to seeing it as self to seeing it as other than self/from outside of my soul stream to seeing it as higher self... My responses ran the gamut from frustration and anger to sending love and complete acceptance to forgiveness to asking for all kinds of aid from all positive sources. Nothing worked because I needed to learn the lesson.

It wasn't until probably around two months ago that the lightning struck the tower, archetypically speaking. I suddenly realized that I didn't deserve this kind of treatment! It was that pre-conceived notion that was keeping me illusioned and prone to the manipulation and domination. I was asking for it on some level. I finally strengthened my orange ray and said "Enough. I am the Creator and I deserve love." When I learned this powerful lesson of self love and self respect, the catalyst didn't go away... it just changed a little.

There was no reason for this entity to keep up its charade as my sexual master once I healed my orange ray. It has dropped all sexual games. (Although it still gives me unwanted activation when I attempt to remove the energy link between it and me. It does this when re-establishing the connection to show dominance.) And it moved on to giving me fearful dreams and drawing energy from me like a vampire.

It was through these dreams that I was able to ascertain the nature of this being, or so I believe. I have come to the conclusion that it is a 4th density negative "Grey" being, affiliated with the Orion empire.

The way that it has been affecting my energy body from the very beginning has been largely unchanged, except the sexual stuff. I feel it place non-physical "devices" or other uncomfortable energy structures in or around my lower rays, especially orange. It also sometimes places them around my head/shoulders, and fingers and toes. It largely affects the left side of my energy body. It likes to make both my kidneys, but especially my left one, very tight and painful and uncomfortable - like placing much dense energy into them.

These devices and connections always serve to do one of two things. Either they block and disrupt the free flow of energy through my energy body, or they siphon my energy away and give it to him. Sometimes I can feel him around the left side of my head and shoulders. I think this is where he is within my field. I feel uncomfortable static-like sensations/sparkles that wash in waves over the left side of my face and head when he makes his presence known. These waves disrupt thought processes, but they're the least uncomfortable energetic sensation out of everything.

Pretty much since the beginning, but especially so lately, he has an energy cord connected to my orange ray that sucks from me and gives to him. It feels like my orange ray is ruptured down the middle and there is an uncomfortable sucking feeling. The closest that any of these sensations come to the physical is sharp muscle pain. When they are in the energetic realm, they are extremely uncomfortable and painful in their own way.

These sensations are all near-constant, increasing and decreasing in intensity as days go by. I don't remember what it feels like to have a clean and clear energy body. This entity has been attached to me and manipulating me for so long. And I have tried everything from love to unity to anger to calling upon every metaphysical source for help. Nothing works to sever the link between me and this entity. Every time I remove the energy cord, he puts it back. Every time I remove the devices, they eventually get put back. Each instance of attempting to accept this entity, to clear my energy body, to love it as the Creator, turns into a power struggle, a tug of war. It is the most persistent and stubborn being I have ever encountered, and it really doesn't want to let go of me. I can accept the situation in love, but I "cannot, on equal footing, allow itself to be manipulated in order to remain purely positive". I don't know what to do.

Of course I have used all advice from the Ra material regarding psychic greeting. Nothing provides a solution.

I want to share this experience here for two reasons. One, just speaking about it to a group of people brings the awareness of this issue out of the orange ray and into the yellow ray. Two, I'm at my wit's end in dealing with this catalyst and I'm calling out for help. This catalyst has been like an impassable brick wall for me.

Thanks for reading such a long post... I love you all!

[Spaced]

Yikes! That sounds like quite an attachment you have picked up! I can relate to the feeling of having your sexuality manipulated, but in my case it was coming from my own shadow self at a time when I refused to acknowledge it . I can share some of the things that helped me with it .

The first thing I would do in this case is a practice that I think TheEternal posted about here, where you thank the entity and politely ask that they take their energy back. And I think the key here is to be genuinely thankful, because as you say they are offering a service, showing you where some of your unexplored distortions lie and offering you a chance to explore energy body interactions.

The next thing I would do is get into a meditative state and visualize a violet flame burning at your crown. Let the flame engulf you, as this is a cleansing and transforming flame. Let this flame engulf those parts of you that you feel are corrupted and have faith that it will transform them back to their pure state. If you feel any blockages that refuse to give into the flame that is because they require your attention first, you are not ready to give them up just yet. Open yourself to the violet flame and let it cleanse you of your attachments to this entity and and karma that might have been generated.

Anyhow, I hope some of this helps Aaron!

[yossarian]

In my opinion, and I hope this isn't too trite, this isn't going anywhere because it's a part of you. Until you recognize that it's a part of you it will bother you. It's not an other-self, it's just a part of the self, so bring it inside you and integrate it with the rest of you.

[Aaron]

Thank you so much for your replies, guys.

I don't have time to respond to them just yet, as I'm getting ready to attend a new year's celebration at a family friend's house. I will come back to them when I have time.

But I just wanted to add this little detail that I forgot to put in the original post. When I had the realization that I was in no way deserving of this manipulation, and observed the mirroring effect in the way this being treated me vs. the way I treated my own subconscious mind, I felt like I broke incredible new ground with this catalyst. At that moment of realization, I heard my guidance speak to me. With a smile, they said "Card number 9." (That's potentiator of the body.)

[Aureus]

I don't wish to imply anything either, but I also got the vibe that the entity is a portion of you. A backlash of being imbalanced. I say this because I've never really felt a psychic greeting in my life. I've only had many painful periods where the only solution was to enter the silence and find the guiding voice within. Perhaps the lack of self-love allowed my higher centers to go insane and so create my own suffering.

My advice would be to continue to balance your orange-ray. For every time you work on it, it gets a little bit stronger. Stay away from alcohol AND weed. Physical exercise is great, of course meditation. Try attaining like, 120g of red jasper crystal and 140g of black tourmaline. Those crystals are excellent, and superior for working on your whole energy body, bottom-up.

[Shin'Ar]

Meditate deeply and use its energy and focus that into the wall of your field.

You will discover that it is the same energy that exists there. It will be readily absorbed.

This is the manifestation of Aaron's (the temporary delusional identity) struggle to maintain the grip on that delusion.

The struggle is intensifying because of the heightened state of being created by the shift.

The struggle has always been with your field, but the further you are able to free your true identity as the One from the delusion, the greater that delusion will pull back.

[Cyan]

Hey everyone

Hi old friend.

Just a warning, the very real details of this story can be a little shocking due to their relation to sexuality and drug use. However, this is my genuine life experience, and the catalyst I've encountered is as it is and much be spoken about truthfully and honestly as it is.

Thank you for the warning.

Also a request... Of course I give permission to any of you to view/feel what my energy field is like, but PLEASE do not perform any sort of action (even healing) without my permission. Thank you for this respect.

I try my best to never ever interact with anyone unless given specific prior, and usually written, permission to that affect.

Even by reading your field I am in a minor way altering it (cant read being entirely passive as you are certainly aware) but moving anything is not an option for now. I noticed the entity you mentioned immediately upon scanning.

This is a catalyst that has been with me since February of this year, and continues to persist with me despite many life changes and personal transformations since then. Every technique and attempt to work with the catalyst has failed to bring resolution to the situation, and I'm totally at the end of my rope here. I'm asking for help from you all now... Attempting to tap into the massive storehouse of wisdom and love that Bring4th is home to. Details below...

Roughly the same time That I awakened, roughly in the same way.

It is something you cant "work with". Its a person.

You created, what amounts to, a "prostitute golem".

My previous teacher warned me strongly and many times against creating golems of any kind.

They are very difficult to dismantle and usually require group effort.

The story he told me was of a guardian golem thought form that someone he knew created to guard their safe and then people distances away started getting really weird feelings and all kind sof weird stuff started to go on and then they had to do a real group effort to get rid of it.

But, in my opinion. You created a person, live with it .

This person, right now, is only filled with the red ray stuff that you sent at it, the dark channelings and the various other things you did. Which will make it very defensive and reprodusive.

I channeled that energy into my design for a Dragon body. That way it can have a safe, enjoyable, entirely green (runs on solar) body of its own, that it can use to explore this illusion we share.

You cant have a living creature (dragon) without having a soul (channeled group). You have an extra soul now, do something funky with it is what I recommend. You used it for sex and now its going "waa, you dont want me around, anymore, meanine!" Essentially.

Dont think "evil bad demonic entity" think "very very upset little girl/boy depending on which way you thought of it as an entity that you gave birth to thats now your responsibility. Be a man, live up to what you did " The entity emotional age maybe as little as 1-3 years while intellectually as much as eons or more.

Thats just based on a look on what you described ofcourse, i would have to see you and the stuff in detail. But I did get a random picture from my guides that had a mushroom, your name, and an eye on top of it that i sent to you over PM. If memory serves.

When they draw (my guides) I simply asked for "something nice for someone on B4" and thats the picture I got, if you forgot it I'll reupload and show, it may be relevant as it happened this year and my guides very rarely give out names in their works. Who knows.

In February, I became involved in a channeling group which attempted to channel a known negative entity. I would never ever do such a thing now, but at the time I sincerely believed I was offering my light and love in the best way to be of service. The point of the contact was to ask questions about spiritual evolution and have them answered. There was no power seeking or anything inherently negative about our motivations with creating this contact. But upon looking back on it, I can see that it was a working of mixed orientation - it wasn't entirely service to others because of the conditions and limitations we placed on it.

I didnt have a known name for my group (just someone who is from 4th D negative with no specific naming other than that its someone Ra / Q'uo thinks is "Okay to be reading b4). I had very little limitations (I accepted almost everything happening, including at one point language that i would not EVER accept from me and waving meat cutting scissors around showing how easy it would be for me to die). Both of which are true, I dont know any entities real names anyway, and any negative entity could jsut walk up to me randomly on the street and shoot me.

What I wanted in my search wasnt specifically answers, but more along the "sheer presence" so that i could just feel my way around their field. They were happy to oblidge and we did several initiations and healings and various other things on one another. Was interesting working with a bodied 4th D negative on healing. But it did burn through my "sto" side energy reserves to a bare bones minimum very quickly. So, all things have payments. They left when I asked and while they still keep a tap on me telepathically (if i think strongly about them, one of the group will call me) and sometimes being very straightforward and even rude to point out that I can see through the mask/veil.

But beyond that, they are a blast to work with, difficult as hell as people but they are a blast. Show a weakness and they'll drain you empty but they'll be glad to show you how they did it if you want to try to prevent them. After a while, you get really good at blocking any kind of greeting without magical exterior works (pentas and such).

All in all. You get what you summon, you summoned a 5th density that obliged (you created a life for it within the parameters of your illusion but no further) and now that its there, its finding that its supremely narrowed by the parameters of your illusion and focused mostly in sexual ways.

How would you feel?

Essentially you are "its" parent. Take it from there.

But if it really is a high level neggie. You'll be in for the ride of a lifetime, buckle down. I'm somewhere between designing my own UFO and building a Dragon body for the souls /soul that i managed to spawn. Though I ofcourse dont think about it in those terms specifically but that's the overall tone of it.

You sign a contract for a ride, you get a ride.

Anyway, two of us in the group were greeted in different ways during the channeling, of course. There was one particular session in which our negative contact and the beings who were doing the greeting discovered one particularly effective way to begin to manipulate me. They became aware of distortions regarding my sexuality and have played on those ever since.

*hugs* been there bro, been there. The less said about my sexuality in terms of how manipulatble it has been, the better.

I say "they" because it was the negative contact which ordered one of the beings underneath him to begin to manipulate me in that way. I don't remember the specifics of what happened right at the beginning, but I'll attempt to share as much as I remember. The channeling group ceased activity shortly after, not because of the greetings but because the questioning and answering had reached its resolution.

You order your hand to move, or you move your hand.

Its not that its ordering the minions to do work, its that it is its minions doing the work. But what "it" is is an extrnalized way of looking at the self from the area of "wisdom, negative, sexuality, repression". How about instead of thinking it in terms of powerstructures and such, try to think about it in terms of the life you are creating/spawning and its purpose. What place are you pegging for this entity in your heart/story. The evil guy you channeled that put up a fight but you won and went "wohoo" or The evil spirit that I channeled but later learned was just a expression of my self love to myself and it taught me some hard lessons and went away on its own and we both still have love for each other in our hearts. I wont summon him again until i'm ready to talk with him though.

Someone that made me open my eyes wider than I thought was possible.

After the group ceased the contact, the greetings became particularly worse for me. Now at this point, I wasn't personally aware of anything that was going on - I wasn't even aware that I was being greeted by something outside of me due to the subtlety of the manipulation, so there was no way I could draw a correlation between it and the channeling group. I figured all that out much later. And even later after that I discovered the nature of my "companion".

For 4-5 months after my channeling experience. Everyone I talked with or perceived seemed to be talking to me without any kind of veil or awareness of our separation.

Since that cant realistically be true, I knew for 4-5 months straight that while i perceive them to be talking to me without the veil, they are actually doing something entirely else in their own opinion and if i dont find my own opinion of looking at their opinion, i'll be lost.

So that while i see them, i dont see them, and after enough of studying this phenomena I understood where STS is actually coming from and what STO is in reality.

Its a very hard lesson, but one i recommend learning. And its best learned in company of STS because their interest is keeping you from... well... going nuts and showing bad on their record. STO doesnt believe, in general, that stuff like "death" and such are important, not for real anyway. STS does. So, when you really untangle stuff, its near certain you'll have use of a STS entity.

Mostly because if you call for them, their mocking /laughing at is kind of like the other side of the angelic choir that to us sounds like "singing praise from heaven"

I could go into more details about the workings of the inner mind and how it can be used to meld with "demons" and how that maybe useful here. But. I feel it is inappropriate to share here in more depth.

I hope I have been able to help thus far.

At that time, I was smoking a lot of marijuana, usually on a daily basis. I am already very energetically sensitive so when I smoke, it opens me up greatly. What began to occur in regards to the specifics of the greeting is that while being high, I became aware of what I suppose I could call a dark other-self in/on/around me. This intelligence would interact with me in a sexual fashion while I was engaged in.... uhhhh... shall we say, normal automatic self-sexual behavior.

Interact with, or trying to help in what you were already doing.

Have you tried to do anything super creative as of late, like do a big painting, and try to focus the "sts" entity you see into guiding "your hand" but only "your hand" so it may draw what it likes. Or, better yet, ask for a bodied version that says some key words that will let you know it sfrom the same soc-mem. And then get high and just relax and let your field go super smooth and then let the "sts" person draw on that painting.

You be the anchor thats shining the love in the situation, they be the body that is describing your love in the situation.

Art takes all types.

I have always been heavily biased towards sexuality of the mind, as opposed to body or spirit. The mind is where my heart, or at least my current interest, of my sexuality lies. The manipulation began during periods while I was high and exploring my own sexuality. This intelligence interacted with my thoughts by stimulating my energy body and physical body in a sexual manner wherever I wished it to be. I could feel sexual sensations in my throat, hands, or anywhere and everywhere and however specific way I requested of this subtle intelligence. It didn't feel like a separate being.

It most likely is, in the way you are looking, a separate being, but its separation is, far as I can tell, closer to a parent/child kind of separation than a "mate/partner" or "possessive/owning". Based on the story, what i've had, and all the stuff i've observed, its closer to a supremely curious "heres a toy from self to self" that you are scared at, which is quite alright, because it is usually very scary to contact STS'rs.

This was actually a great service to me because through this, and through the unasked-for manipulation of my energy body later on, I was able to gain intimate and detailed awareness of my energy body that I would have probably never otherwise gained. i.e. I know where almost all of my energy channels/lines terminate, and know which energy channels/lines affect which portions of at least the lower energy centers.

Yeah, imagine how much they have learned of themselves and how much they value you now because of it, and how much love they are sending to you to keep that link going.

They are just waiting what you do now, that the link is there. Do you freak out and cut it or do you go "oh sweet jesus, this means I can walk into a group of STO channelers and flawlessly channel a STS entity and still be STO myself... This has opportunities...." For example. Which would be close to my path at the moment.

So on it went for a short time like that. Eventually this intelligence began slightly changing the game it was playing. It began to move into sexuality of the mind, playing on my distortions there. It slowly but surely unequivocally set up its dominance over my sexual function. At the time, my distortions were in such a way as to allow this due to curiosity combined with the feeling of helplessness - that I couldn't do anything to change it. When what seemed like some kind of intelligence that had split off from myself in the first place began to play power and dominance games with my sexuality, I was a little disturbed and confused, but also sickly curious as to how fun playing on the playground of the sexuality of the mind could become.

That would be the logical outcome of energy of sexual nature directed at the creature you created.

It attempted to show its dominance over me by activating/stimulating me sexually at inappropriate times, and by otherwise forcing sexuality onto me or dictating the whens and hows my sexual function. This only continued on because of my own distortions in that area, which mentally allowed this to happen. I didn't know how to respond to this, being unsure if it was even psychic greeting. My reactions ranged from sending love to seeing it as self to seeing it as other than self/from outside of my soul stream to seeing it as higher self... My responses ran the gamut from frustration and anger to sending love and complete acceptance to forgiveness to asking for all kinds of aid from all positive sources. Nothing worked because I needed to learn the lesson.

Who says you needed to, and not that you wanted to? May sound like a small point in the post but still, we feel it has some merit .

It wasn't until probably around two months ago that the lightning struck the tower, archetypically speaking. I suddenly realized that I didn't deserve this kind of treatment! It was that pre-conceived notion that was keeping me illusioned and prone to the manipulation and domination. I was asking for it on some level. I finally strengthened my orange ray and said "Enough. I am the Creator and I deserve love." When I learned this powerful lesson of self love and self respect, the catalyst didn't go away... it just changed a little.

I was at a winter party last year, when I was in the highest point in my channeling, and I was told so many times that I deserve love and was being told that I can accept it, from the same kind of semi-STS intelligences that i interacted with. And I beamed out a thought that "If there is a chick like Rinoa, from a physical and emotional/psychological standpoint, that would like really like me/my jokes on a personal level, I'll take your argument about love seriously."

Same evening, I ran into a girl in Rinoa clothing that did the plenum style *beep* jokes and we had a great time laughing and what not.

That changed me and made me really consider my thoughts about sexuality and love. My answer was, essentially, to throw myself at the possibility that if this is now possible, and has always been possible, then I may be wrong in my STO orientation and that STS may indeed be the answer. So i threw myself down that path as hard as I could, with the understanding that since STS just wants power, it wants to grant you as much as you are willing to take, so its a matter of just taking as much as is offered. Turns out I was right, and i refused all power.

That threw my STS intelligence for a loop and its not sure what to do now.

So, its resorted to what I said earlier, helping me with art and art related works. Seems like an equitable understanding. If I have a project i need help with in a specific way, i contact them. If i have a project that requires a different way, i contact someone else.

Sounds pretty simple, having Orion and Q'uo next to each other on speed dial. Actuality is that its never that easy and I go through isnane amounts of trouble every few months to keep my psyche in order.

But. If you dont get people in the streets talking to you in Orion randomly referring to your internal possessions. You're doing super well.

There was no reason for this entity to keep up its charade as my sexual master once I healed my orange ray. It has dropped all sexual games. (Although it still gives me unwanted activation when I attempt to remove the energy link between it and me. It does this when re-establishing the connection to show dominance.) And it moved on to giving me fearful dreams and drawing energy from me like a vampire.

Hmm...

Vampire = Baby

Fearful dreams = Ask a random parent about this.

Re-establishing the connection = Tantrums at parent leaving.

Sexual master = Having to give parent away to parents proper lover, Etc,

It was through these dreams that I was able to ascertain the nature of this being, or so I believe. I have come to the conclusion that it is a 4th density negative "Grey" being, affiliated with the Orion empire.

I would concur, based on observations, but would point out that it is infintely likely that the entity sees you as a Grey too. (Lacking definition of real nature that is not predictable)

The way that it has been affecting my energy body from the very beginning has been largely unchanged, except the sexual stuff. I feel it place non-physical "devices" or other uncomfortable energy structures in or around my lower rays, especially orange. It also sometimes places them around my head/shoulders, and fingers and toes. It largely affects the left side of my energy body. It likes to make both my kidneys, but especially my left one, very tight and painful and uncomfortable - like placing much dense energy into them.

This is, far as I can tell, a very common STS contact side effect. Reality is that most peoples bodies hurt at all times, but they block it out. STS makes you clearer as you are "afraid" to be hurt, you notice what is already hurting much much easier.

On that note, i recommend a daily dose of sorbet ice cream. Why? Because its darn delicious =)

These devices and connections always serve to do one of two things. Either they block and disrupt the free flow of energy through my energy body, or they siphon my energy away and give it to him. Sometimes I can feel him around the left side of my head and shoulders. I think this is where he is within my field. I feel uncomfortable static-like sensations/sparkles that wash in waves over the left side of my face and head when he makes his presence known. These waves disrupt thought processes, but they're the least uncomfortable energetic sensation out of everything.

High serotonin causes sparkles.

Also rapid withdrawal from SSRI's and/or as well as high quantity of weed use will cause sparks and a lot of the stuff you describe.

Almost always when STS its left side face and when STO is right side, the less you know about the names and specifics the better, in general, because if you simply start to shun all STS, you end up in a lot of trouble. So knowing when its this guy or that guy may not be a good idea. Better to think of it as a principle of STS showing stuff

Pretty much since the beginning, but especially so lately, he has an energy cord connected to my orange ray that sucks from me and gives to him. It feels like my orange ray is ruptured down the middle and there is an uncomfortable sucking feeling. The closest that any of these sensations come to the physical is sharp muscle pain. When they are in the energetic realm, they are extremely uncomfortable and painful in their own way.

I have a similar tear down my solar plexus, but usally only when I'm super tense about fear or feeling threathened.

...

---

These sensations are all near-constant, increasing and decreasing in intensity as days go by. I don't remember what it feels like to have a clean and clear energy body. This entity has been attached to me and manipulating me for so long. And I have tried everything from love to unity to anger to calling upon every metaphysical source for help. Nothing works to sever the link between me and this entity. Every time I remove the energy cord, he puts it back. Every time I remove the devices, they eventually get put back. Each instance of attempting to accept this entity, to clear my energy body, to love it as the Creator, turns into a power struggle, a tug of war. It is the most persistent and stubborn being I have ever encountered, and it really doesn't want to let go of me. I can accept the situation in love, but I "cannot, on equal footing, allow itself to be manipulated in order to remain purely positive". I don't know what to do.

Oh maan, to have a clean and pure field for a day

If you dont know what to do, accept it, and do nothing or start doing something else.

My friend who is in the STS said;

"How does a black hole stop being a black hole, by doing something"
My STS friends stated goal is to get everyone to stop, look around, and notice they are already in paradise.

One saying they have is "I'm not an evil guy, but my evil plan is to make everyone else in the world happy"

Of course I have used all advice from the Ra material regarding psychic greeting. Nothing provides a solution.

What if you think of it this way. Janus-Ra and Janus-*

=)

=(

I want to share this experience here for two reasons. One, just speaking about it to a group of people brings the awareness of this issue out of the orange ray and into the yellow ray. Two, I'm at my wit's end in dealing with this catalyst and I'm calling out for help. This catalyst has been like an impassable brick wall for me.

I too find this topic interesting thus my lengthy response and as it is borderline interest to me, I do look forward to any replies as well.

Speaking about demonic stuff is always the most difficult, especially since you know there is only the self. So, how to truly talk

Thanks for reading such a long post... I love you all!

You too. Hope you come to good conclusions.

[Plenum]

are you scared?

[Cyan]

Instead of writing about this in more depth, I shall give you what I did after I wrote my reply.

Went to the chat to talk with plenum and a few others. Then started watching this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYVaEoWHmPo

Still, one of the best morally inspirational descriptions of our common "place" and all that it entails and the humanity within it, a lot of stuff you have to discern through but if you get whats hiden behind all the odd terms and double talk, you'll see what i mean.

Arilou and "smell" by "when you look" and "androsynth" and "orz" might resonate.

[xise]

Just some thoughts:

1) Try out crystals and/or the quantum touch machine. Both apparently have the ability to get rid of thought forms.

2) I'm getting green ray energy as I write this 2) - your speak of orange ray blockage, of healing the orange ray, of a negative entity being commanded to do this upon you, you feeling controlled by the entity, as if you are helpless...this jumps out as a problem best solved by working on generating a strong yellow ray. Whether it's a negative entity, negative thoughtform, or whether it's a part of your shadow self, I couldn't help but seeing that in a certain way, it's providing a service by dominating you if only to show you that your yellow ray needs work. I find with a strong yellow ray, you will radiate power, others can't control you (without you having to dominate them - yellow ray energy allows you to be independent as well), and you repel negativity and fear naturally - the emotions through which truly negative beings work through. I know that for me and my depression, which originated in the orange ray, did not diminish until I built up a strong yellow ray.

In conclusion, don't be afraid to radiate strongly from your yellow ray as you build it up. You only go negative if you use that energy to control others. You can use it for positivity if you use it to be independent, a master of your own destiny, a being who manifests its own reality without the influence of others.

Chin up, back straight, and chest out. I'm not kidding - posture is essential to the yellow ray. Good luck my friend.

[Unbound]

Silence speaks.

[native]

"The second part has to do with the disciplines of the body complexes. In the streamings reaching your planet at this time, these understandings and disciplines have to do with the balance between love and wisdom in the use of the body in its natural functions."

"Thus, the various functions of the body need understanding and control with detachment."

Natural functions I assume include dietary habits and sexual needs/desires. My advice is to stop smoking pot if you still are. To developed consciousness, it no longer serves a function, and most people don't recognize when they're attached to a substance. Personally, after having been a regular smoker, I find it highly disorienting now as I'm flooded with all sorts of thoughts. It opens you up to influence, and the rather obvious question worth asking is if any of this would be going on had you not been in that state to receive those thoughts. I'd also examine ways in which you may be subtly controlling others sexually.

[Phoenix]

Just deleted the blog I talked about in this post before.

I would say that negative entities start running when you genuinly attach to god, and to Jesus Christ. I would say the Lords prayer is where you could start (seems like you've already tried that but it remains my advice).

(I am also going to message you personally about something else in relation to this area.)

[Brittany]

I've already given all the advice I have on this subject long ago. It looks like several other folks around here are on the same page. It's you. It always has been you, and as far as I can tell it spawns from the shame you feel toward your sexual preferences, which were only fully brought to light when you willingly immersed yourself in negative energy. Unable to accept that these desires stemmed from your own psyche, you have created a thought form with which to explore them.

As long as you keep taking the victim mentality, you will continue to be victimized. Looking at yourself with brutal honesty is never easy, but blaming Orion only puts out a signal that you're willing to have that energy in your life, and I know all too well that "they" are happy to answer those who call to them in need of a scapegoat.

Negative entities cannot infiltrate your system if there is no distortion for them to exploit. Clear up your orange ray, and I think you'll find this problem disappearing.

[Cyan]

I've already given all the advice I have on this subject long ago. It looks like several other folks around here are on the same page. It's you. It always has been you, and as far as I can tell it spawns from the shame you feel toward your sexual preferences, which were only fully brought to light when you willingly immersed yourself in negative energy. Unable to accept that these desires stemmed from your own psyche, you have created a thought form with which to explore them.

As long as you keep taking the victim mentality, you will continue to be victimized. Looking at yourself with brutal honesty is never easy, but blaming Orion only puts out a signal that you're willing to have that energy in your life, and I know all too well that "they" are happy to answer those who call to them in need of a scapegoat.

Negative entities cannot infiltrate your system if there is no distortion for them to exploit. Clear up your orange ray, and I think you'll find this problem disappearing.

Dont forget that without distortion there is no existence. Clear up your field of all distortions on all levels, and you end your existence.

Other than that, *nod*.

[Monica]

Aaron, it sounds like you've already done a lot of processing of this catalyst and are ready to let it go.

I have 3 suggestions:

1. Quit smoking weed for awhile, at least a few months, to clear your head. I got high every day during my teen years, then quit for awhile, then went back, and could no longer do it, because the doors of perception and been flung open and I was able to perceive entities at the periphery of my awareness when high. I realized that it made me more vulnerable. I am grateful for the years I did it - it was very beneficial - but I reached a point where it was counterproductive. I couldn't go back. At the very least, I suggest giving yourself a break from it for a good long while. Some psychics claim that it tears holes in the aura. I'm not sure if that's true, but if it is, you might be more vulnerable to entities because of the weed.

2. Hire a shaman. They can be very good at cutting connections and sending entities packing. Their work will hold only if the person has fully utilized the catalyst, which you appear to have done. I can offer a referral if you like - someone who works long-distance. Pm me if want the contact info.

3. You may have already addressed this, but the first thing that popped into my mind when I was praying for you was that you might still be carrying some guilt or shame over what now might seem like a foolish mistake. The key is to simultaneously acknowledge the lack of wisdom at the time, while forgiving yourself for it. (As opposed to brushing it off.) In other words, rather than focusing on your good intentions at the time, take a moment to delve into what now seems like an error in judgment, and fully confront it as such, while, at the same time, fully forgiving yourself for it. Forgiving yourself for having good intentions isn't the same as forgiving yourself for doing what you might now consider a mistake. The transformative power is in forgiving the part we're uncomfortable with. Just a suggestion!

Blessings to you!

Edit: I'm not saying that what you did was a 'foolish mistake.' It's not my place to judge that. I'm suggesting that you examine whether you might think it was a foolish mistake, and if so, confront that so it can be accepted, forgiven and transformed. We all make errors in judgment which seem fine at the time, until later when we realize the unexpected consequences of our actions. Then we tend to beat ourselves up over it, and it's that beating ourselves up that can attract the little nasties too. But pretending we didn't make an error in judgment, when deep down we really believe we did, isn't any better, because the belief is still there, though suppressed. Although ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, there are no mistakes, from our perspective there are indeed mistakes, and it's ok to acknowledge that, accept it, and forgive it. I've noticed that people in the New Age community often disavow any idea of a 'mistake' or any feelings of guilt, and it is that suppression that might actually attract more chains of karma (even to negative entities) than just acknowledging it.

So, if there is any value to what I'm saying, then you've taken a huge step in publicly acknowledging this.

[Cyan]

Aaron, it sounds like you've already done a lot of processing of this catalyst and are ready to let it go.

I have 3 suggestions:

1. Quit smoking weed for awhile, at least a few months, to clear your head. I got high every day during my teen years, then quit for awhile, then went back, and could no longer do it, because the doors of perception and been flung open and I was able to perceive entities at the periphery of my awareness when high. I realized that it made me more vulnerable. I am grateful for the years I did it - it was very beneficial - but I reached a point where it was counterproductive. I couldn't go back. At the very least, I suggest giving yourself a break from it for a good long while. Some psychics claim that it tears holes in the aura. I'm not sure if that's true, but if it is, you might be more vulnerable to entities because of the weed.

Disagree on grounds of always trying my best not to tell people to not do or do anything specifically relating to their own drug use. So I have to disagree on ethical grounds. But agree that failing else, try this.

2. Hire a shaman. They can be very good at cutting connections and sending entities packing. Their work will hold only if the person has fully utilized the catalyst, which you appear to have done. I can offer a referral if you like - someone who works long-distance. Pm me if want the contact info.

Agree, but not as a primary or first step. After first step tried would move to this.

3. You may have already addressed this, but the first thing that popped into my mind when I was praying for you was that you might still be carrying some guilt or shame over what now might seem like a foolish mistake. The key is to simultaneously acknowledge the lack of wisdom at the time, while forgiving yourself for it. (As opposed to brushing it off.) In other words, rather than focusing on your good intentions at the time, take a moment to delve into what now seems like an error in judgment, and fully confront it as such, while, at the same time, fully forgiving yourself for it. Forgiving yourself for having good intentions isn't the same as forgiving yourself for doing what you might now consider a mistake. The transformative power is in forgiving the part we're uncomfortable with. Just a suggestion!

This, this, a million times this.

Blessings to you!

Blessings to you!
to you too.

PS: I know I shouldn't but I suppose there may be an actual use to say "you" here for real and not just refer to my perceived other-self nature.

Never underestimate the difference between saying your sorry and meaning your sorry for trying to be nice and failing (saying you are sorry in terms of failing) , and saying your sorry and meaning you made an error in judgement and are working your best to correct said error will appreciate further input again if said error appears again(saying sorry in terms of "oh, sorry i didnt notice that bug, thanks for showing it to me").

[Monica]

Disagree on grounds of always trying my best not to tell people to not do or do anything specifically relating to their own drug use. So I have to disagree on ethical grounds. But agree that failing else, try this.

'Else' has already failed. He already listed a lot of things he has already tried. So, since he asked for advice, I suggested doing this, if he hasn't already.

Agree, but not as a primary or first step. After first step tried would move to this.

Yes, this is after he has addressed the catalyst, which he seems to have done.

This, this, a million times this.

[BrownEye]

If a person has a thought form/entity/etc causing the loss of sight, whereas seeing is needed for more constructive work with "clearing the way", then there is nothing wrong with looking outside the self for a temporary fix to enable sight, in order that seeing allows for the ability to quickly learn what needs to be learned.

Why else would healing arts be needed?

If everyone truly left everyone else to their own devices and said "it's all yours dude", how is there any actual service involved? Service is interaction.

[yossarian]

I'll tell a crazy story about something like this.

After involvement with some interesting occult temples and people, a big scary demon seemed to be haunting me. It felt like it was outside my body near the mid-section. I looked at the demon and it was scary and it hurt and I wasn't sure what to do. Then all of a sudden I realized that the demon was actually inside of me, it was actually a part of me. The imagery instantly reversed as if a light switch had caused a mirror image to change sides. Now instead of being outside my energy field it was inside me but didn't feel dark and evil anymore but rather was harmless and just another part of me to love. It shot up my spine and never bothered me again.

So here's a theory: I actually invoked the demon and now I am more demonic and evil. Now it is deeply attached to me and I can't escape. So attached that I don't even identify it as "other" and "evil". Perhaps I didn't conquer it at all by trying to see the self in the other, but rather I just allowed it to attach in such a way that I no longer felt it to be distasteful.

In the intervening time since that experience, I joined a Luciferian cult (unrelated to the scary temple I mentioned). Not on purpose or anything, just by coincidence.

Am I going to hell or what? I guess this explains the lack of ascension.

[Monica]

I'll tell a crazy story about something like this.

After involvement with some interesting occult temples and people, a big scary demon seemed to be haunting me. It felt like it was outside my body near the mid-section. I looked at the demon and it was scary and it hurt and I wasn't sure what to do. Then all of a sudden I realized that the demon was actually inside of me, it was actually a part of me. The imagery instantly reversed as if a light switch had caused a mirror image to change sides. Now instead of being outside my energy field it was inside me but didn't feel dark and evil anymore but rather was harmless and just another part of me to love. It shot up my spine and never bothered me again.

So here's a theory: I actually invoked the demon and now I am more demonic and evil. Now it is deeply attached to me and I can't escape. So attached that I don't even identify it as "other" and "evil". Perhaps I didn't conquer it at all by trying to see the self in the other, but rather I just allowed it to attach in such a way that I no longer felt it to be distasteful.

Oh wow, now that is a sobering thought! You've brought up a very good point: There is a difference between accepting something as mirroring what is in us, while simultaneously declining its service (since it's negative) vs. accepting its offer of service and integrating it into our being.

There is a subtle but distinct difference here. It sounds like you did the latter. I'm curious, though, why you think you are now more 'demonic and evil'? Because you joined a 'Luciferian' cult? Or are there other reasons? And was joining this cult out of character for you? (Something you wouldn't have done prior to taking in this demonic energy?)

There's a difference between contemplating how some aspect of darkness is part of our being, and seeking to accept and illuminate it, vs. readily taking in an STS entity and offering it a home.

Am I going to hell or what? I guess this explains the lack of ascension.

Well I don't believe in hell so I can't comment on that. Unless you consider 'hell' to repeating 3D...in which case, that's not based on a single choice but overall polarity.

[yossarian]

What is love if not union? To me to love things means to be open to union, though not forcing of it. Maybe I'm just really dumb though.

I think I'm eviler because people on this forum are judging me as eviler. I am more angry for instance and less concerned with love, rather now I think the love brigade of people are kind of going overboard, they are unbalanced.

I actually think I was more evil back then because I was puffed up with self-righteous spirituality. But I'm just entertaining the thought that maybe I'm more evil now.

Also yeah this is the first Luciferian cult I've joined. Before this I would join really lovey dovey cults. Luciferians are harsher, they consider Light to be something that cleanses and burns at you. It burns away your delusion and evil, but still. Other groups are more focused on Love I guess, and how Love feels warm and fuzzy.

[Monica]

What is love if not union? To me to love things means to be open to union, though not forcing of it. Maybe I'm just really dumb though.

Do you recall when Ra stated that they too decline the service of STS entities? The idea of merging with everything indiscriminately would negate the very idea of choice. And yet we know that choice is important. This entire density is about choice.

I think I'm eviler because people on this forum are judging me as eviler.

I didn't see anyone accusing you of being evil. Angry, yes, but that's not the same thing as evil.

I am more angry for instance and less concerned with love, rather now I think the love brigade of people are kind of going overboard, they are unbalanced.

Anger is a healthy emotion, momentarily. But once we express our anger, then what? Polarization occurs when we make a conscious choice to transform that anger, fear, or whatever, into love.

Not the fake, warm fuzzy 'love' but real love. It's easy to 'love' that which is all peaches and cream. Not so easy to love ourselves and others, while acknowledging the darkness therein.

I actually think I was more evil back then because I was puffed up with self-righteous spirituality. But I'm just entertaining the thought that maybe I'm more evil now.

Hmmm...well both of those attributes you just equated with evil - anger and self-righteousness - are just human emotions. They're not evil.

Evil is consciously choosing the STS path over the STO path...consciously choosing to serve self at the exclusion of other-selves, and maybe even being willing to harm others in order to do that. It's about absorbing light rather than radiating it.

It really has nothing to do with human faults and emotions, which we all have. It has more to do with our choices...what we choose to do with those emotions and weaknesses.

Also yeah this is the first Luciferian cult I've joined. Before this I would join really lovey dovey cults. Luciferians are harsher, they consider Light to be something that cleanses and burns at you. It burns away your delusion and evil, but still. Other groups are more focused on Love I guess, and how Love feels warm and fuzzy.

If I may offer a suggestion: It seems that maybe your anger is directed at fake displays of superficial love, the New Age mumbo-jumbo, the cold, uncompassionate "oh that must be your karma" and "well you must not be doing enough affirmations" etc., and I agree...I've had my share of those experiences too!

But, why throw the baby out with the bathwater? The STO path isn't defined by those fallible humans who claim to tread that path. What you seem to be equating with the STO path is just the display of human weaknesses, which will surely be found in any group, whether claiming to be STO or STS.

Could it be that the cult you're in right now is serving a purpose: to allow your free expression of anger? If so, then what happens next? Will the anger ever be healed, or will it just continue to fester and grow? Does that cult offer any solutions? or is it just feeding the anger?

[BrownEye]

I don't believe in evil.

When we "assume" that something is only "us", it can be a negative separate identity from your own higher self. This means it is another incarnation that got lost along its way. Could be anyone, including a 5D "Orion" type. Not smart to ignore, they can really change your life around.

Why people assume it is always just a shattered/lost aspect of the self I have no idea. It is like saying that any one of you are just an aspect of myself, which is saying that I leap past the whole chain of evolution and need not actually do anything at all. Which of course then removes the reason for being here in the first place.

It can be a multitude of things, and is always best to have your guides or higher self deal with, unless of course you are a god, and know exactly what it is you are dealing with, and know exactly how to deal with it............in which case it would never have come up to begin with.

[Zachary]

Hey Aaron,

I strongly advise you take a break from smoking weed. My experience with smoking is, I have less control over the thoughts running through my head and am more prone to 'wandering' and indulging in specific thoughts that don't deserve as much attention as they are receiving. I tend to lose my feeling of grounded-ness when I smoke.

I recommend sobering up and experiencing your natural self for a good while, at least until you feel like you have found more peace within yourself. I think that is probably a wise first step, assuming you haven't already taken it.

[yossarian]

Monica, I'm not really disturbed by my situation, I absolutely still hold to STO principles, and the cult is inline with them, and it does help with the anger.

I would actually quite easily agree with your comment about the purpose of the cult for me.

The whole thing about "evil" was just a bunch of speculation for the sake of discussion and seeing all perspectives.

I actually view Lucifer as the Goddess of Love and Light as opposed to the Ra Material view which is that Lucifer is the Devil. It just seems to me that Luciferian cults are more concerned with Light than Love, and the Light does seem very healthy to me.

---

Do you recall when Ra stated that they too decline the service of STS entities? The idea of merging with everything indiscriminately would negate the very idea of choice. And yet we know that choice is important. This entire density is about choice.

Yeah. I wouldn't say I accepted the STS service, because I don't really feel that I accepted any service. I still believe that I'm choosing my life.

It's not like I said to the entity "OK you can do whatever!" it's more like I said, "Oh, you're a part of me..."

Ra also says to try and see the self in the other self. So the teaching is a bit confusing. I didn't accept the service in the sense of like, allowing it to hurt me or anything like that. Or doing something against my will.

Even then I was a strong believer in boundaries. It's just how this particular event went. I absolutely don't want some entity to scare me into doing something or coerce me. But in this case I'm not sure that it was an other-self because, like I said, I saw my self in it. What is the boundary between self and other self? Ra says it's an illusion anyway.

I found the demon scary but does that mean it was evil? Was it STS? Who can even know? It's not easy to judge someone's polarity let alone an "entity" that is just a subjective visualization. I'm sure that lots of bigots see other races as evil black scary demons yet that isn't true.

So I don't know what that was but it seemed to have come from this occult lodge and then it seemed to have been integrated into me in a perfectly comfortable way. Maybe I'm just picking up hitchhikers? Maybe I vacuumed up a spirit and absorbed it into my own and I'm cool with that because it was my twin flame or something? Who can know?

[Monica]

I don't believe in evil.

The term 'evil' is just another way of saying STS.

Why people assume it is always just a shattered/lost aspect of the self I have no idea. It is like saying that any one of you are just an aspect of myself, which is saying that I leap past the whole chain of evolution and need not actually do anything at all. Which of course then removes the reason for being here in the first place.

Good point!

---

Monica, I'm not really disturbed by my situation, I absolutely still hold to STO principles, and the cult is inline with them, and it does help with the anger.

Glad to hear that!

I would actually quite easily agree with your comment about the purpose of the cult for me.

The whole thing about "evil" was just a bunch of speculation for the sake of discussion and seeing all perspectives.

I actually view Lucifer as the Goddess of Love and Light as opposed to the Ra Material view which is that Lucifer is the Devil. It just seems to me that Luciferian cults are more concerned with Light than Love, and the Light does seem very healthy to me.

Thanks for the explanation! Labels can be misleading, which is why I try to distill it down to STS/STO (absorbing/radiating) principles.

The bottom line for me is: Is the activity (whatever it may be) contributing to one's chosen polarity? That would be the measuring stick I would use, if unsure about something. Ie. is it making one a better person in the long run?

Yeah. I wouldn't say I accepted the STS service, because I don't really feel that I accepted any service. I still believe that I'm choosing my life.

It's not like I said to the entity "OK you can do whatever!" it's more like I said, "Oh, you're a part of me..."

Ra also says to try and see the self in the other self. So the teaching is a bit confusing. I didn't accept the service in the sense of like, allowing it to hurt me or anything like that. Or doing something against my will.

Ah. When I read your first post, I thought you were saying it was a negative entity and you let it take up residence in you, and that afterwards you felt like it had influenced you into being more negative.

Even then I was a strong believer in boundaries. It's just how this particular event went. I absolutely don't want some entity to scare me into doing something or coerce me. But in this case I'm not sure that it was an other-self because, like I said, I saw my self in it. What is the boundary between self and other self? Ra says it's an illusion anyway.

I found the demon scary but does that mean it was evil? Was it STS? Who can even know? It's not easy to judge someone's polarity let alone an "entity" that is just a subjective visualization. I'm sure that lots of bigots see other races as evil black scary demons yet that isn't true.

So I don't know what that was but it seemed to have come from this occult lodge and then it seemed to have been integrated into me in a perfectly comfortable way. Maybe I'm just picking up hitchhikers? Maybe I vacuumed up a spirit and absorbed it into my own and I'm cool with that because it was my twin flame or something? Who can know?

Those are all good questions and I don't know the answers to them. Would you mind if I asked these questions on Carla's radio show? This is excellent material for the show. And, Carla and Jim might have some insights that could be helpful to you.

[Shin'Ar]

In the intervening time since that experience, I joined a Luciferian cult (unrelated to the scary temple I mentioned). Not on purpose or anything, just by coincidence.

Am I going to hell or what? I guess this explains the lack of ascension.

Lucifer says he does not know you.

,,,I guess this explains the lack of ascension.,,,

Yup as well as the reason for your recent outbursts about the harvest. Guess you never really believed all that at all.

[yossarian]

I don't see how that follows.

Maybe if I could talk to gods like you I would understand. P.S. this cult says Lucifer is a woman. I think you might be talking to an imposter.

---

Those are all good questions and I don't know the answers to them. Would you mind if I asked these questions on Carla's radio show? This is excellent material for the show. And, Carla and Jim might have some insights that could be helpful to you.

Go right ahead

[Aaron]

Wow!!!! Thanks for all the replies and the genuine concern and love, people. That makes me feel very good! Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences and thoughts.

First off, I want to answer to what a lot of members said about smoking weed. And I should have included this in my original post for clarification. I haven't smoked for three months now. I still drink. Alcohol seems to be entirely disconnected from the situation and the sensations. It was the psychically opening property of cannabis that made me more vulnerable.

Even though I haven't taken a single puff in three solid months, the catalyst has still been here, and still been affecting me. When I first stopped, I expected the catalyst to go away with it, but when it didn't I understood that cannabis wasn't the cause, but it definitely wasn't helping the situation.

Spaced, I tried TheEternal's suggestion, and realized that when I moved into a state of thankfulness and genuinely asked the entity to take its energy back, it HAD to because I was no longer claiming its energy as my own in that moment. It didn't cut the tie, but it definitely had an effect on my situation.

I haven't tried your personal suggestion yet only because I haven't had time to meditate.

In response to yossarian, Aureus, and others saying that it's a part of me - yes I originally thought of it in that way. And I also understand that the situation could be multi-layered... that there could be a thought form that I've created being occasionally energized by a negative entity. Or it could be a thought form of my own that is opening me up to psychic greeting.

But I left out some other details which didn't seem significant because I shared the fact that now I believe it to be a 4th density Orion grey. I'll share those now.

When I first began to really be affected by this catalyst, I asked my guides and guardians "What's going on? Can you explain to me in as simple of language as possible what is happening?" (another positive result of this catalyst is that it caused me to speak to my guides and guardians in a serious manner for the first time) I don't remember their exact verbatim answer, but I do remember that they said it was a 5th density entity that was affecting me, but not in the way that I think.

Of course the way that I would have immediately assumed would be by direct greeting. I now know that the channeling contact was 5th density, and either it "assigned" a 4th density entity to me, or created a thought form to interact with me. I'm leaning more towards the thought form idea. However, I'm still confused as to whether it's a thought form or an actual 4th density entity as I said above, due to the following...

When I had that orange ray realization, and stopped allowing myself to be abused, I began to be greeted in dreams, as I said. Sometimes when trying to sleep or when waking up - when I was in those in-between states of consciousness, I would see an owl in my mind's eye. Greys, for whatever reason, almost always are perceived by humans as owls. Sometimes I would be doing something else such as playing a video game, and I would feel this entity's familiar presence suddenly and see a flash of an angry owl in my mind. Of course then the bodily sensations began or would become more intense.

But what takes the cake is the actual content of the dreams. In one dream, I got out of bed and wandered the dark house looking for a light switch. Then, my friend who I actually know in real life came into the front door, and I said "Oh you're here! Are you ready to go?" (I have no idea what I was talking about.) But anyway the important thing here is that this person, as I know him in real life, is most definitely a wanderer from a grey social memory complex. In real life however, he's not evil... and I think the entity just took the form to scare me. Anyway, he chuckled in a very sinister way and I fainted, only to experience painful electric shocks to my brain and then waking up again in bed for real. I had already gone through that cycle once, within that same dream, of searching for the light switch and then fainting and being shocked and "waking up" in bed. It was the second time that this entity was so proud of the experience it was giving me that he couldn't help but to show himself and mess with me a little bit more.

Then came the dream that made me sure it was the entity I describe above. I was lying in bed with my mate, thinking I had just woken up, but I was really still asleep. I snuggled up to her, but something felt really WRONG. I started receiving very unsettling energy and fear from her, and her face melted and distorted in a very disturbing way, as the entity which was disguising itself as her morphed into its true current form, appearing exactly as the picture below, down to the last detail (except clothes):

The other difference was that its eyes were not all black, but contained very large, deep blue (beautiful) irises, with white sclera. It was a very intelligent entity, and it laughed at me before I jolted awake in the next moment (I was hugging it! ). Every time after these dreams when I woke, I could still feel the entity around me.

Also, any time I think back on any of these experiences, or remember its "voice", I feel that uncomfortable static on the left side of my head again, almost like revisiting the vibration of those thoughts strengthens the link.

Before I had the orange ray revelation, I called to Latwii for help and asked them whether or not it would be a wise choice to attempt to discover the details of this entity, or to just go through the proper motions of dealing with the catalyst, without concerning myself of the details. They said that I should make the choice which I feel would be the most helpful for me to come to terms with the catalyst. If I felt like figuring out the details would help me more fully be able to love this entity, then I should. And I did feel that way, so I guess that's what attracted the above experiences which allowed me to discover the details of the entity.

Cyan, thank you for sharing all of your thoughts! I found the majority of them to be very helpful. It definitely does seem to react in the emotional way you describe, and I'm thinking the part which reacts like that may be the part of me which is attached to the above entity. And thank you for the virtual hug.

What you said here:

The evil spirit that I channeled but later learned was just a expression of my self love to myself and it taught me some hard lessons and went away on its own and we both still have love for each other in our hearts. I wont summon him again until i'm ready to talk with him though.

Really resonates, and I have attempted to view the situation like this, from the viewpoint of the Law of One and the rhythms of catalyst. I feel like I have, for the most part, been successful in grasping what my higher self has been trying to show me with this experience.

Thank you so much for your recommendation about artistic expression! I almost never artistically create anything, but I feel an interest in allowing this portion of myself to express itself in that way, if for no other reason than allowing it to communicate with me.

Who says you needed to, and not that you wanted to?

From the higher perspective, I wanted to. From the incarnate perspective, I needed to.

By the way, yes I would love for you to send me that picture again! I'll be able to save it in a couple of days when I have access to my own computer again.

Plenum, I've only experienced fear during the dream experiences. In waking consciousness, I sometimes just get frustrated.

Xise, thanks for your suggestions my brother. The advice about yellow ray and posture was very, very helpful! I'll work on strengthening my yellow ray, now that I feel like I've begun to move the catalyst out of the orange ray.

TheEternal, thank you for your kind advice as well. I love how you always attempt to penetrate to the heart of the issue, and attempt to blend your wisdom with love. In regards to how the catalyst relates to my orange ray, I have indeed recently discovered that I am somehwat afraid of my light, my creative power, and the power contained within that ray. I also see the attitude which I have held towards the situation, allowing myself to be a scapegoat as you put it.

Icaro, thanks for those quotes! I did read and ponder those after I was pointed towards card number 9 by my guides. Although I don't feel like I netted any deep understanding of that archetype.

Lynn, thank you for your post. Thank you for highlighting the victim mentality, and for pointing out the exploring of self by creating a thought form. You were the first person to help me with this issue, and although I wasn't ready at that time to integrate the thought form, it did point me in the direction I needed to go. Thank you.

Monica, thank you for your well thought out post, and for your prayers! I did address any personal shame/guilt for my choices that may have been hanging on some time ago. But it's an appropriate suggestion. Thank you!

I think that the energy I've received from everyone who read/posted has helped me move this catalyst to a new level. I only want to hire a shaman or seek healing help if I can't seem to solve this by myself. Now that I've sought public input, if I'm still unable to make any progress utilizing this input, then I'll seek further help. But you've all given me so much that I can work with!

And utilizing the new input I have gained here, I DO seem to have made another breakthrough with this situation! Last night I had a dream in which I was viewing a fish tank that I had created. I felt a deep connection to the fish inside, and their environment, and I felt responsibility towards them. I've had a dream like this before, and I've come to understand that the fishtank is my life, it's me. I make the choices of what fish or other creatures/parts of myself that I want to express, display, and care for. As I grow and change, parts of myself die, parts of myself grow, and parts of myself change as I add new fish and new decorations to the ecosystem that is me. During these dreams, my higher self is always there with me as a presence in the room that watches me and my creation with so much love.

Anyway, I remember seeing this fishtank and being so happy that I had added new fish (awareness of portions of my beingness) and new decorations (healthy thought structures within the self) that the fish were just absolutely loving. The fish were very beautiful, and these new plants and decorations were helping them to grow. Then I saw a yellowish green worm-like creature on the bottom. I remember that I was a little disturbed by it and concerned that it had found its way into my tank. It was connected through the gravel at the bottom of the tank by a firm root, and it was eating away at the plants and beneficial decorations!

It needed to survive on these - it had no other choice. But it was putting the fish in danger. During this dream, I went to another place to speak with my brother, and work with him on some time/space duties. Then, I was suddenly called back to the fishtank room. The worm had choked on a big round stone and was dying! However, it was no longer a worm. It was outside the tank, lying on the ground in a puddle of slime and its own bodily extrusions. It was a 3 foot tall grey, with a fat body clothed in robes, a very long, very skinny neck, and a tiny oval shaped head.

It didn't look anything like the grey I described above. I rushed over to it because I was so worried, more concerned about it than anything that was in the tank at that point! It barely had any life in it. I realized in that moment how much I LOVE this unique and cherished portion of myself. My mate was there with me in some form of consciousness, and she stood beside me as I panicked over this creature's death. I began wiping off the slime that was around its face and neck, and considering if there was anything I could do to dislodge that ball that was in its throat. I came to terms with the fact that it was already passing away, and that there was nothing I could do.

When I woke up, I asked my higher self if it could help me to release this entity that I had been abusing and blaming and carrying around for so long. I told it that I was ready to let it go, and I saw how irresponsible I have been acting in blaming Orion for my own shadow. I felt my energy body become mostly cleared from head to toe, and asked my guides to help shield me once everything was removed.

Today, I've still been feeling the same uncomfortable energy sensations from time to time. There is still something there. If anyone who is adept at scanning energy from a distance would like to take a peek and see what may have changed, I would more than welcome that service!

Thanks again for all the support. I will answer to the PMs some of you have sent me once I have more time, but I've already spent way too much time writing this post, and I need to get back and help out with the New Year's Eve dinner! I'll keep updating this thread with my progress.