How I Really Feel

[Tenet Nosce]

This morning, following a fitful sleep, I woke up with pangs of anxiety in my gut.

This is how I wake up nearly every day. For thirty-five years.

What am I anxious about? Who knows... could be anything. Most of the time it is nothing in particular. It's just like a grey cloud of dread that hangs over me. Sometimes it is further up in the sky and I feel more relief. Sometimes it is down low and it feels like it is choking the breath from me. Most of the time the cloud hangs somewhere in the middle of the sky of my consciousness.

Growing up I had a relatively sheltered life. Food, clothing, and shelter were never in jeopardy. I was never physically or sexually abused- at least insofar as I can remember. My parents and my family loved and cared for me.

The only thing I ever come up with as a source for this feeling is that my parents, each in their own way, had anger issues. It was often unpredictable when one of them would explode. For example, it could be a Saturday morning- I am sleeping peacefully in bed and suddenly I am woken up by the shock of my father yelling and screaming and slamming doors over something that would otherwise be a trifle.

Growing up, this pattern became generalized out into the world. In school- some of the kids would loathe me for no apparent reason. I never knew when somebody was going to "lash out" in some way.

When I returned after summer break to my senior year in high school, I was surprised to find that one of my long time friends from elementary school had decided they hated me and wanted nothing more to do with me. Still don't know why.

Some years later, another close friend I met in college went down such a severe spiral of drug and alcohol abuse that he actually had a mental breakdown- including paranoid delusions. As far as I know, this person still believes to this day (over 10 years later) that I was somehow orchestrating a conspiracy against him. When I hear about psychopaths spraying people up with bullets for no good reason- I can't help but wonder if somebody somewhere is actively plotting my death so they can "be free" from whatever negative influence I supposedly have over them.

Similar patterns have emerged in my interactions with people in this forum over the years. I mention this only to show that it is part of a larger pattern that started looooong before I ever started participating here. And while I do admit to sometimes being antagonistic- there have been times where I feel that the anger being directed at me is way out of proportion to anything I actually said. Again- not unique to this forum but part of a larger pattern of my life.

I guess my point is- with all the people I see here and on other sites sharing their inner transformative experiences during this time period- I don't really feel any different.

Every morning I wake up and feel like a scared little boy, wondering who is going to lash out at me today, or what unforeseen near-disaster is going to occur in my life. Of course- most days go by just fine. They would even be pleasant if it wasn't for the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the "other shoe is about to drop" at any moment.

I have found that intellectualizing and theorizing about my condition doesn't work. Counseling and hypnosis have limited benefits which are not long-lasting. Alcohol grants me a reprieve, but I feel even worse the next day. Marijuana tends to make it worse from the get-go. Diet doesn't seem to help. Exercise doesn't seem to help.

I've tried prayer- that doesn't seem to help. I've tried meditation- that doesn't seem to help. I call to the "angels" to provide me with that feeling of love and security that they supposedly offer... that doesn't work. Sometimes I lie there and try to just feel my feelings and accept them for what they are. That only provides short-term relief... but they come back again. I've tried the balancing exercises given in the material, and they don't seem to help that much either.

I know intellectually that "All is Well." I get that- but I don't feel it. Hardly ever. And even in the moments where some small feeling of wellness comes upon me, I immediately get anxious that some other disheartening experience or thing to be worried about is just around the corner. And usually it is. If not in my personal life, then the universe will provide me with catalyst like the recent shooting. Just like clockwork.

I feel broken and scared. I feel like I have some very basic red ray issues going on, and I feel like all the different things I have tried to work on this issue have utterly failed. I don't at all feel safe in this world. On top of this- I am embarrassed with myself because my life has been so easy relative to what I see other people going through on a daily basis that it feels silly to even bring it up.

I'm tired of feeling like this, and I don't know what to do about it. I read all these channeled pieces taking about how something great is just around the corner. I have tried not to place too much stock in these prophecies so as not to be let down when 2013 rolls around and life is "business as usual."

Mostly- I feel as if I have let myself down. The thought of waking up every day for the rest of my life feeling this way is depressing, to say the least. I feel like giving up. Not in the suicidal sense, but just in the sense of just not really trying anymore. Maybe I just need to accept that I am yet another permanently broken person in a permanently broken world. An endless stream of bills to pay and things to fix against the backdrop of perpetual debt, war and psychopathic killers.

So anyway, I just thought I'd share how I really feel.

[βαθμιαίος]

Sending some hugs your way, my friend.

When you used the balancing exercises, did you try intensifying what you were feeling and then letting the opposite flow in on its own? It's been helpful for me.

Also helpful for me has been the idea of dying and being reborn in each moment.

[Unbound]

I know how you feel with the idea of "having an easy life", but still having your own issues and almost feeling guilty about that fact. I'm glad you took the time to come out and be honest about your feelings!

Have you tried to live in spite of that fear? "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyways"

I have scholiosis in my spine with arthritis developing, and wake up every morning with back pain and the need to crack and align my spine, as well as frequent stomach pain. I honestly still get a lot of negative, worrying thoughts, and for myself I'm learning that rather than trying to get rid of them, or to avoid them, I acknowledge them, and then act in the awareness of my own worry.

Maybe the issue is in trying to diagnose yourself as flawed, when really you are exactly as you need to be for your own growth. Maybe your lessons are about dealing with illusions of the mind.

I know you have a strong mind, and I know you can use it well. What I am curious about is, what part of your mind expresses this worry to you? Have you made any identification of it?

How do you identify with your own thoughts? Do you believe you are your thoughts, or that your state is dictated by the contents of your thoughts?

[Ankh]

Most of the stuff that you wrote I have experienced and experience myself. I resonated so much with your story.

Thank you for sharing, Tenet, and much love to you, dear soul.

[hogey11]

Thanks for sharing, Tenet. I feel your words. Much of what you have written here resonates with me. I am with you in many of your struggles love and light to you

[Lycen]

~~~~~~___

Have faith friend, you know there is more than you can know! Have faith that you know nothing and live how you feel is right

[Bring4th_Austin]

Thank you so much for sharing so openly and honestly Tenet. I wish I had some practical advice or help to offer. Please know your participation here is appreciated. If there's anything we can do to help, please let us know.

[Monica]

Dear Friend, it took great courage to share what you just shared. Not everyone is feeling all peachy right now. I had an intense cry yesterday, releasing old pain that I no longer needed. The increased 4D Light is bringing a lot of old issues to the surface, where they can be illuminated and healed.

My advice is to not have any expectations, but just surrender to the process. Allow the energies to wash over you. You might not notice anything sudden or dramatic, but on some level, there will be healing.

And, know that we are all reaching out to you in Love!

HUGS to you!

[reeay]

I am so honored to be in your 'presence'! Thank you Tenet

[christine10]

This morning, following a fitful sleep, I woke up with pangs of anxiety in my gut.

This is how I wake up nearly every day. For thirty-five years.

What am I anxious about? Who knows... could be anything. Most of the time it is nothing in particular. It's just like a grey cloud of dread that hangs over me. Sometimes it is further up in the sky and I feel more relief. Sometimes it is down low and it feels like it is choking the breath from me. Most of the time the cloud hangs somewhere in the middle of the sky of my consciousness.

Growing up I had a relatively sheltered life. Food, clothing, and shelter were never in jeopardy. I was never physically or sexually abused- at least insofar as I can remember. My parents and my family loved and cared for me.

The only thing I ever come up with as a source for this feeling is that my parents, each in their own way, had anger issues. It was often unpredictable when one of them would explode. For example, it could be a Saturday morning- I am sleeping peacefully in bed and suddenly I am woken up by the shock of my father yelling and screaming and slamming doors over something that would otherwise be a trifle.

Growing up, this pattern became generalized out into the world. In school- some of the kids would loathe me for no apparent reason. I never knew when somebody was going to "lash out" in some way.

When I returned after summer break to my senior year in high school, I was surprised to find that one of my long time friends from elementary school had decided they hated me and wanted nothing more to do with me. Still don't know why.

Some years later, another close friend I met in college went down such a severe spiral of drug and alcohol abuse that he actually had a mental breakdown- including paranoid delusions. As far as I know, this person still believes to this day (over 10 years later) that I was somehow orchestrating a conspiracy against him. When I hear about psychopaths spraying people up with bullets for no good reason- I can't help but wonder if somebody somewhere is actively plotting my death so they can "be free" from whatever negative influence I supposedly have over them.

Similar patterns have emerged in my interactions with people in this forum over the years. I mention this only to show that it is part of a larger pattern that started looooong before I ever started participating here. And while I do admit to sometimes being antagonistic- there have been times where I feel that the anger being directed at me is way out of proportion to anything I actually said. Again- not unique to this forum but part of a larger pattern of my life.

I guess my point is- with all the people I see here and on other sites sharing their inner transformative experiences during this time period- I don't really feel any different.

Every morning I wake up and feel like a scared little boy, wondering who is going to lash out at me today, or what unforeseen near-disaster is going to occur in my life. Of course- most days go by just fine. They would even be pleasant if it wasn't for the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the "other shoe is about to drop" at any moment.

I have found that intellectualizing and theorizing about my condition doesn't work. Counseling and hypnosis have limited benefits which are not long-lasting. Alcohol grants me a reprieve, but I feel even worse the next day. Marijuana tends to make it worse from the get-go. Diet doesn't seem to help. Exercise doesn't seem to help.

I've tried prayer- that doesn't seem to help. I've tried meditation- that doesn't seem to help. I call to the "angels" to provide me with that feeling of love and security that they supposedly offer... that doesn't work. Sometimes I lie there and try to just feel my feelings and accept them for what they are. That only provides short-term relief... but they come back again. I've tried the balancing exercises given in the material, and they don't seem to help that much either.

I know intellectually that "All is Well." I get that- but I don't feel it. Hardly ever. And even in the moments where some small feeling of wellness comes upon me, I immediately get anxious that some other disheartening experience or thing to be worried about is just around the corner. And usually it is. If not in my personal life, then the universe will provide me with catalyst like the recent shooting. Just like clockwork.

I feel broken and scared. I feel like I have some very basic red ray issues going on, and I feel like all the different things I have tried to work on this issue have utterly failed. I don't at all feel safe in this world. On top of this- I am embarrassed with myself because my life has been so easy relative to what I see other people going through on a daily basis that it feels silly to even bring it up.

I'm tired of feeling like this, and I don't know what to do about it. I read all these channeled pieces taking about how something great is just around the corner. I have tried not to place too much stock in these prophecies so as not to be let down when 2013 rolls around and life is "business as usual."

Mostly- I feel as if I have let myself down. The thought of waking up every day for the rest of my life feeling this way is depressing, to say the least. I feel like giving up. Not in the suicidal sense, but just in the sense of just not really trying anymore. Maybe I just need to accept that I am yet another permanently broken person in a permanently broken world. An endless stream of bills to pay and things to fix against the backdrop of perpetual debt, war and psychopathic killers.

So anyway, I just thought I'd share how I really feel.

WOW.....that made me soooo incredibly sad ....I cant even imagine what it must feel like to live with those feelings ALL your life....makes me cry....more so for that little boy who was so scared all the time...how terrifying!!!

Im so sorry!!
I wish I could do anything to help you.....I wanna hug you!!!

[Plenum]

yo Tenet, does it sometimes feel like when you have a really good sleep, and have forgotten all about this world, that you wake up and your brain starts booting up all these sub-routines of anxiety, what you have to worry about, how people responded to something you did the other day, etc etc. Like a whole sequence of concerns?

and then you wonder, what the heck happened to that pristine consciousness that I woke up wtih, where has that gone?

that's been my reality for most of my 35 years too.

we should start a 35 yr old club (you, me and Ankh ) lived through the same sh*t, got the same sh*tty gen-x label, but are starting to break through all the encrusted layers of the past.

[Brittany]

Tenet, do you happen to have some really specific points of pain in your lower back? One about halfway down your spine and another closer to your root? It really feels like you have some sort of karmic pain crystals buried there. I've pulled these crystals out of myself and one or two other people, and it seemed to really make a difference in healing capability. My guess would be that you pulled something heavy from a past life into this incarnation. You were either victimized to a level your mental complex couldn't really handle or you victimized someone else to the point it left a serious karmic imprint, then focused this incarnation almost solely on healing and balancing the karma. When I even go near these points in your field there's just a huge ripple of pain coming from them, like debris stuck in a wound.

I want to say that the emotional reactions I've had toward you on on this forum were formed from my own distortions, and I don't think you're a bad guy, nor do I feel anger toward you. I'm not guaranteeing it would help in any way, but I offer you the energy work I've done on others in similar situations, and if you ever just need someone to talk to, drop me a line anytime. Trust me, I know what it's like to invoke nasty reactions in random people, and to feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, with a black sea of anxiety following you around threatening to swallow you whole.

I'm sending love your way, Brother.

[Oldern]

It takes courage to write all that down, Tenet.
If you do not mind, I would like to offer some advice, while addressing one particluar point of yours. Which is this:

"Similar patterns have emerged in my interactions with people in this forum over the years. I mention this only to show that it is part of a larger pattern that started looooong before I ever started participating here. And while I do admit to sometimes being antagonistic- there have been times where I feel that the anger being directed at me is way out of proportion to anything I actually said. Again- not unique to this forum but part of a larger pattern of my life."

I am not sure if you would consider me as part of that anger, but I remember our argument a few days ago. While I do admitted that I was "riled up", I instantly sensed that you reacted to that in a way how people react when they have triggered something inside. The trigger went off, and we could return to the flow of discussion a few hours later, yet that trigger is not something to easily ignore.

I do not believe in coincidences, Tenet, and that is why I am writing this to you. What I experienced regarding your style and thinking is VERY similar to my own arguing/posting habits on a few other forums, way way back the line. I am not saying that I became a better person since then, but I definitely got tired of that type of activity. It is just too hard to keep up with. Too much knowledge. The ego gets really big with all the logical fallacies, styles, factual errors and all that jazz. That is an artificial wall, and a wall not worth maintainng.

In the past on this forum, I had two or three encounters when I had problems with certain individuals. I have since then came to love them all. That three person is Pickle, Shin'Ar and you. All three times I had to have inner discussions with myself about what exactly is my problem, and how (or why) I should deal with it. With Pickle, it was about his approach to all this in a way more active manner than I do. Which triggered within me my own built-up guilt for maybe, maybe not doing all I can. With Shin'Ar, the long posts, the certainty that there are spiritual dangers out there is what got me. Then I had to realize that my position of "nothing can hurt us, really" might be the one that is a non-balanced view of all this.

~~~~ And with that, I am back to you. So, I think that too much knowledge without that tiny bit of wonder can be really detrimental. You sound like someone who sees every possibility, who, upon waking up, is ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that nothing will come that will leave you surprised. Except if it is some sad tragedy or some twisted bad news. Which is way less than ideal.

I do not know the specific solution to all that. All I know is that I actually felt the same way for 2-3-4 years. Those years, my mind was sharp, my reasoning skills were gawdlike, my ability to discern other individual's flaws were surprising, and I kept it all in check. Which made me a lot of enemies, folks that still up to this point think of me as someone that I am really not. Interestingly, Law of One was the thing that moved me out of my comfort zone.

For you, I do not know what will bring the wonder back. Yoga? That is just a practice, when approached analytically. QiQong? Same. A new hobby? A good tv show, some anime or manga? A new personal project? Anything that makes you go to bed at the end of the day like someone who is eager for the next day to come. You can find that. Maybe it is hidden behind a logical paradox or two, but I am absolutely sure that you can find it.

(Also: one more thing, that is meditation-related. When doing chakra clearing, make sure to reach back to EVERYTHING that you might keep holding up. I have done such flashbacks several times, and I am surprised that stuff still keeps coming up, from places that I do not even remember. But we clean it up, digest and accept, then move on. With an embrace.)

I hope some of this was actually helpful.

[Shin'Ar]

This morning, following a fitful sleep, I woke up with pangs of anxiety in my gut.

This is how I wake up nearly every day. For thirty-five years.

I also would wake in such a fit if I knew that this was going to be my experience every single morning.

It's like one of those perpetual motion gadgets that just builds its own energy.

It's a routine.

I sense very strongly that you have been having a recurring dream that you are instantly forgetting as soon as you wake, so quickly that you are not even aware of it.

It is something that is so suppressed within you that as soon as you wake, your system shuts it down.

This has been enabled by the length of the routine.

My advice is to devise something that you can do as soon as you wake that will get you up immediately doing that new thing, and breaking your routine.

I would also advise having a professional sleep test done where you could be monitored for possible hints at whatever this dream may be.

[xise]

Tenet, it took great courage to post your truth. You have shown to have a beautiful blue ray in there my friend.

As a person who has also suffered from despair and depression though for different reasons, I can only offer my own insights:

(1) With your respect to accepting your situation as is, I too had that belief, or the belief that I had to accept the present as the future, and I can tell you that shut down my yellow ray center. Acceptance is about the past, and the present, but you should always believe in a better future. That is what belief in your own power (even if you don't see the path), hope, and faith are all about. Those beliefs are integral in your yellow ray, as well as others.

(2) In my energy center healing journey of my orange and yellow centers, over the past 9 months, I do not know what really helped me. All I know is that I never gave up hope and the belief that my situation could change, and I simply gave that belief an opportunity to manifest in my universe by trying everything, alone, and in combination, for long periods of time in balancing my energy centers. When I say everything, I mean:

(a) roleplaying the balanced energy center traits even if I don't feel it naturally
(b) meditation
© reiki
(d) prayer
(e) psychic advice
(f) past live recollection
(g) yoga
(h) activities known to activate that energy center
(i) over the counter herbs known to stimulate that energy center
(j) making sure my posture was upright, chest out, spine and neck straight, chin up, similar to my mediation stance to help the energy flow (this helped immensely)
(k) finding reasons to believe in the balanced energy center concepts (ie, the realization about acceptance I had in the past two months that helped me unblock my yellow)
(l) asking for help in dreams
(m) not judging myself for failing or having bad beliefs but instead trying to fall in love with myself, flaws and all
(n) integrating my shadow as well as accepting negativity in others
(o) being patient - this is an integral part of faith.
(p) using the appropriate incense and oils known to stimulate that energy center
(q) using crystal therapy for my energy centers
(u) believing in positivity, that things could get better.
But I never gave up in my belief things could get better, even if I had no clue how. I still don't know what combination did it. But I found a way. And I know you will too. You just have to believe in it, and it come that much more quickly.

Much love, my brother. Peace unto you.
xise

[spero]

thanks Tenet,
i can totally relate to your experience at the moment. its actually been building in me these past couple of days so your post really syncs up with my experience. all the rationalizing in the world doesn't help when i get that anxiety and fear that someone who has taken offence to me in the past will decide they are going to make my life hell just...because...no specific reason. it borders on paranoia but i cant shake the feeling. something that occurred to me yesterday was the possibility that this was karma....that maybe i did something similar to someone in a past life and now im experiencing what they must have felt, which ties in with what Brittany Lynn was saying perfectly. where to go from there im not really sure, but its a potential starting point.
Thanks again for sharing your experience.

[Ruth]

Tenet Nosce - I deeply appreciate you opening up and sharing your feelings with us. And I resonate with your feelings, although I no longer feel them as you do now. Feelings are never silly. They are guideposts for us to follow, each in his/her own way.

I have no advice for you. Just love and light, as you will accept it.

Hugs!

[Karl]

After reading this being angry at you will be challenging. I'd throw in my two cents but time is limited right now. Best of luck.

[Unbound]

This morning, following a fitful sleep, I woke up with pangs of anxiety in my gut.

This is how I wake up nearly every day. For thirty-five years.

I also would wake in such a fit if I knew that this was going to be my experience every single morning.

It's like one of those perpetual motion gadgets that just builds its own energy.

It's a routine.

I sense very strongly that you have been having a recurring dream that you are instantly forgetting as soon as you wake, so quickly that you are not even aware of it.

It is something that is so suppressed within you that as soon as you wake, your system shuts it down.

This has been enabled by the length of the routine.

My advice is to devise something that you can do as soon as you wake that will get you up immediately doing that new thing, and breaking your routine.

I would also advise having a professional sleep test done where you could be monitored for possible hints at whatever this dream may be.

I totally got that dream vibe too!

[Ankh]

we should start a 35 yr old club (you, me and Ankh ) lived through the same sh*t, got the same sh*tty gen-x label, but are starting to break through all the encrusted layers of the past.

LOL!

[Unbound]

I have a wacky suggestion that has worked for me so maybe it will work for you. I tried this "word command" for my energy tonight to ASTOUNDING results.

Simply, I said "Give the Energy back to ________", inserting in the blank whatever I wished the energy in my system to return to, and immediately it did. This works with all concepts, objects, people, scenarios, imaginations, any thought.

We in our individual selves are a beautiful reflection and projection of the Creator, and we can thus understand that in our unity everything we touch creates some kind of charge. This exercise releases those charges because the charges appear when we become attached to an energy of another person and we, unintentionally, take a part of their energy. This is, of course, terrible, because then the other individual will feel that misplacement until the charge is released, an unintentional "black magic" you could say, which is really just a mystical way of saying that you have created energetic conditions about yourself based on the energized patterns of your belief structure which create an environment of self conflict, particularly between the mind and the heart.

Perhaps you should truly consider your passions, and where you place the bulk of your energies?

---

"Purify the Energies of ______" also seems to work well!

[Meerie]

Thanks for your honesty, Tenet.
"hugs"

[Ankh]

Tenet, where are you, dear brother? Are you ok? Usually you answer pretty quickly to messages and stuff, but not now... :-/

Don't feel stressed about this message. If you need time off, then you need the time off.

I just wanted to ask how you were doing, and I was wondering about you...

Take care, dear one, and lots of love to you.

[Tenet Nosce]

Hi everybody- Thanks so much for the well wishes and thoughts. They have all been very helpful. I will likely be backing off from time spent on the Internet so don't be too concerned if you don't hear from me. In the meantime, be gentle with yourselves, and with each other.

[Scribe]

I feel the same as Tenet and share many of the same life experiences.
And I'm just so sick and tired of my life and being "me", my human, which is not me, not the real spiritual me, I'm so out of control of my own human, in fact I more or less hate it/myself, I can find love for every other human in the world if I reach far enough, but not my own, its like there is a deep command in my subconscious that I may not feel any positive feelings towards myself, but I don't know where this command came from or how to get rid of it.

All of the things I want are not even possible in this world. I just want to die and go home.

Sorry if I am intruding in this thread, most of you probably don't remember me from my older posts as I haven't been here in some time and I wasn't that active to being with except as a lurker...but, well, I think my post is relevant to the subject of the title

[Lycen]

I feel the same as Tenet and share many of the same life experiences.
And I'm just so sick and tired of my life and being "me", my human, which is not me, not the real spiritual me, I'm so out of control of my own human, in fact I more or less hate it/myself, I can find love for every other human in the world if I reach far enough, but not my own, its like there is a deep command in my subconscious that I may not feel any positive feelings towards myself, but I don't know where this command came from or how to get rid of it.

All of the things I want are not even possible in this world. I just want to die and go home.

Sorry if I am intruding in this thread, most of you probably don't remember me from my older posts as I haven't been here in some time and I wasn't that active to being with except as a lurker...but, well, I think my post is relevant to the subject of the title

Infinity is, where is you're hurry? This existence but a blink of an eye, you are here for a reason. Find/remember it and live it

I love you, all is well, you are loved

EDIT:

how on earth am I supposed to remember things I decided before I came here?

What the head forgets the heart knows. Live as you feel is right and you will know.

[Scribe]

At the risk of sounding cynical, I can't even remember the most important/personality-shaping events of my own childhood, how on earth am I supposed to remember things I decided before I came here?

Doublemindedness is the problem, if I was 100% sure that I would someday get to the place where all my dreams can come true, even if its 1000s of years from now, then I would be at peace...its the lingering fear that I'm somehow going to miss the bus that keeps me mired in self doubt that leads to self hatred.

Silly "law of confusion".....

[Spaced]

You will never find that 100% certainty, the challange is to make your peace with that fact.

[reeay]

I have a wacky suggestion that has worked for me so maybe it will work for you. I tried this "word command" for my energy tonight to ASTOUNDING results.

Simply, I said "Give the Energy back to ________", inserting in the blank whatever I wished the energy in my system to return to, and immediately it did. This works with all concepts, objects, people, scenarios, imaginations, any thought.
---
"Purify the Energies of ______" also seems to work well!

I had a 'visit' last night and took your suggestion. It went away quickly and energy returned. Thank you!

[Plenum]

Hi everybody- Thanks so much for the well wishes and thoughts. They have all been very helpful. I will likely be backing off from time spent on the Internet so don't be too concerned if you don't hear from me. In the meantime, be gentle with yourselves, and with each other.

take your time brother.

I mean this in the fullest honesty; the catalyst on these forums can be pretty intense, to the point of overwhelming. There are some very strong personalities here, and their (and mine) particular distortions will push your boundaries of acceptance to the breaking point. Almost always, you will learn something about yourself in the process, but on the surface, they seem like very weird people with very weird agendas.

but if you accept everyone here, my guess is that you will attain a buddha-like peace; because we sure say some crazy things sometimes lol.

peace bro