Talking to myself.

[Karl]

Okay so I realize to integrate myself fully requires feeling the feelings I have, or have had in the past.

Now I think I've met the impass, I have been observing the feelings pass but I still try to "deny" "negative" feelings, which seems to cause my reintegration to cease.

So I've deduced that the nature of the feeling isn't important at all, just that I experience it. Like feelings are things flowing in a river and denying, or becoming attached to something causes me to "latch onto it" and it gets stuck there causing a blocking of sorts.

Like fear, if you are scared and focus on it it will stay. But if you let it pass by you generally are fine.

I keep trying to reintegrate and I meet feelings of frustration and anger. And I think/thought of them as obstacles, but maybe they themselves are the feelings that need being felt... so instead of being an obstacle they are the goal.

But in feeling them I can't become attached to them either or they will get stuck. But if I try to not be attached to them that causes them to become attached anyways.

So I suppose a better word to focus my intent on would be to be "accepting" of feeling in and of them selves.

Which ties into an old thought of mine dictating to apply emotion to thought, not thought to emotion.

End of ramble. This is to help myself think. Any opinions are welcome. If I don't like what you think I'll reply and ignore it probably.

Which ties into another thought. We all are attracting things in agreement with ourselves usually. So what would happen if I sought non-agreeing thoughts/actions/opinions? Which would probably be a inefficient intent unless the intent was to just see what would happen. If the original desire was just to see an interesting differing viewpoint it would probably be more efficient to intend to see interesting/thought provoking thoughts.

I'm done. I'm goinna post this before I think again.

[lightworker]

i cant even fathom how much sense this all makes to me; if that makes sense at all.

every sentence resonates with me deeply. you've just explained so much to me about myself without even having the intention to do so

[BrownEye]

If the experience in the end is "distilled", then i assume some may not be useful.

I see blockages as thought "forms" sort of like imaginary hunks of not fully formed material, accumulating in or around the vortex of a chakra. As such, i have no problem manually dissolving these forms in order to clear the vortex for more flow, whether that flow takes in more of the same forms or not. Fixing the flow, even temporarily, will allow some sort of expansion or change to take place, making it that much easier to face the same issue again. Dealing with issues is doubly hard when already blocked, since the blockage does not allow you to fully function in the first place.

---

I might add that it can become a slippery slope. With enough blockage/buildup of thought forms, it becomes like a light bulb to insects. The blockages themselves will attract challenges/entities that you as an individual do not attract through intent.

[Cyan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uesnK6KIC...=endscreen

I hope you do always realise and know and feel that what ever you feel, no matter how mad it might be, is considered funny by a sizable number of people, far more than needed to be everyone you know and more

What if there is a youtube video straight of your baddassest maddest thoughts transmitted onto the internet and still, it has 70.000 fans.

Think about it, you are nowhere near mad until you watch niche videos with 100 viewers due to their "i'm sure no one gets this." aspect

Hope that makes the kind of maddening sense i wish it will

Double sun power for that extra special polarity joke.

I have no idea what kind of madness the guy who did that went through to produce such a clear picture of madness!, but I'll say, it was worth it

Edit: http://youtu.be/88GAlTdtZYs there is something quite funny about the 70.000 madness scale (if you want to see what i mean, start from this video and start clicking random videos that are closest in your view to 70.000, how ever much effer tyou want to put into finding it out. I go with a gut feeling. It produces a very distinct band of insanity that i find hilarious as ten hells)

[Karl]

If the experience in the end is "distilled", then i assume some may not be useful.

I see blockages as thought "forms" sort of like imaginary hunks of not fully formed material, accumulating in or around the vortex of a chakra. As such, i have no problem manually dissolving these forms in order to clear the vortex for more flow, whether that flow takes in more of the same forms or not. Fixing the flow, even temporarily, will allow some sort of expansion or change to take place, making it that much easier to face the same issue again. Dealing with issues is doubly hard when already blocked, since the blockage does not allow you to fully function in the first place.

---

I might add that it can become a slippery slope. With enough blockage/buildup of thought forms, it becomes like a light bulb to insects. The blockages themselves will attract challenges/entities that you as an individual do not attract through intent.

That's interesting because I experienced something like that earlier today, after I woke up I impulsively probed my body mentally and felt distinctly different things: physical, and mental/imaginary (which is sort of like of syptomatic symbol representing something else, but upon resolving the symptomatic symbol also corrects the causing factor. Or at least that's how I see it)

@cyan: Unfortunately I can't watchyoutube to understand the context of the video...

@lightworker: I was rather strongly OCDed into writing this post, which I find interesting. Perhaps we should exchange ideas sometime.

[reeay]

The aspect of self that 'denies' and remains 'negative' is called a 'self-critical split.' It's an aspect of self that remains incongruent with integrated self, and needs our compassion/empathy to work through. Merely having conversations with this aspect of self to understand its 'issues,' and accepting its perspective will ease the emotions of frustration/anger. Holding that space and allowing it to be heard w/o judgment.