Stepping stones to loving yourself

[GentleReckoning]

Hello everybody,

I've found that for many many people, loving oneself is one of the most challenging developmental steps to make.

For myself, at one point if I thought to myself: "I love myself!", it would feel false and hollow.

Well, a phrase that was given to me as a very easy stepping stone to self love was: "I'm ok with me."

So, if you are trying to build your love of self, but feel as though 'I love myself' is simply to far from where you are now, then try out 'I'm ok with me." as a comfortable stepping stone to get you there.

If anyone else has any insights to share, they will undoubtedly be greatly appreciated.

[AnthroHeart]

While I am ok with myself and love myself, there are changes I'd make if I could.

[Brittany]

I like to go with "I'm f***ing awesome."

[Unbound]

I find that starting at the very bottom level it is useful to first identify the negative thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself, and being totally honest with yourself about it. If you ask yourself how you feel about yourself, and you answer is that you don't like yourself, accept that that is your current state of perception. Then, once you are aware of how you do actually feel about yourself, sometimes it's easy to start to by negating that.

For example, perhaps you say to yourself, "I can't do anything right!", you may stop, and think "Why can't I do anything right?", and then maybe proceed to go in circles where you attempt to get some answer from yourself that will justify the initial idea. Or, again relevant to this, we may say "I love myself!" and not feel it, then we may question "Why don't I love myself?", "What does it mean to love myself?" and again, we begin to go in to circles of questions.

Now, hopefully if we catch ourselves, we may be able to intercept. "I can't do anything right!", and then we intercept "Well, technically there is no right", or "It's impossible to do everything wrong!"

Then, perhaps slowly, we go through a process where we take the initial concept, and then through the processes of examination and reasoning, hopefully conclude that our initial self-perception was actuall distorted.

[GentleReckoning]

Ah yes.

Something important to me when I was initially breaking out of some severe depression was the removal of all absolutes in my self talk. (always, never, horrible, words that are on one end or another of the descriptive spectrum)

After that I stopped getting worse, and slowly began the process of getting better.

[Unbound]

This is really a sort of "cognitive alchemy", whereby the elements of one's own psyche are distilled and then re-arranged in to a more crystallized and consistent pattern, meaning a greater degree of harmony between the parts.

[jacrob]

I am in complete agreement with all previous statements. Becoming aware of the automatic negative self-talk, and over time replacing it with positive statements and beliefs. It's baby steps, and eventually it becomes automatic positive self talk. And you can see it in the people around you. They will literally mirror what you think of yourself. Everyone around here seems to love me at the moment, as opposed to the barely concealed dislike of 6 months ago.

I will add that my Higher Self gives me a sharp left ear tone when I get too egotistical in my affirmations, so instead of "I love myself" s/he prefers "I love myself unconditionally". Or "I am beautiful" needs to become "I am beautiful inside and out". I love how my affirmations are corrected as I do them. Not always, but often enough to get the point across.

[Meerie]

Ah yes.

Something important to me when I was initially breaking out of some severe depression was the removal of all absolutes in my self talk. (always, never, horrible, words that are on one end or another of the descriptive spectrum)

After that I stopped getting worse, and slowly began the process of getting better.

Good observation about the absolutes there, I tend to do that also. But as soon as one becomes aware of it, that is already the first step. And then, trying to remove or replace them with lesser absolutes

[Patrick]

I started replacing the concept of self love or pride with gratitude. I find this very helpful. After all, all of us are helped greatly.

[GentleReckoning]

I started replacing the concept of self love or pride with gratitude. I find this very helpful. After all, all of us are helped greatly.

I really feel like that is the next step after you are able to love yourself. A week or two ago, I was able to resonate with the idea of being thankful that I was in a physical incarnation. I feel that on a spectrum of positive ways to view reality, that that is pretty 'advanced' along that line.

[reeay]

Before I came to loving myself and integrating my fragmented pieces of "self" I had ...
1) I will tell myself that I love myself
2) I realize that I wasn't honest about loving me, I don't like this and that about me
3) I don't want to see my own darkness because I don't want to admit to being that "ugly"
4) OK I feel a bit more sure about myself to have the courage to see my love/light and my darkness
5) I meet my shadow and it's awful... I hate you my darkness!
6) OK if I listen to my darkness I understand what its saying
7) Ahh now I understand you
8) I feel lots of love and compassion for you my darkness
8) I embrace my darkness and I feel release... I feel more whole and honest when I say "I love myself"

[GentleReckoning]

One interesting thing that happened for me during this process, is that I finally don't 'force' smiles. When I smile now in the mirror, it looks genuine and beautiful. Before, to me it always looked fake and dishonest.

[reeay]

unconditional positive regard for self, genuineness, and self-empathy goes a long way

[Liet]

I wouldnt even bother trying to inforce self love before it comes naturaly... Which is when each chakra is no longer separated from the other, but rather meld together into one unified flow of continuing energy... Causing all internal wars to end (occurs when the sacrum is >=50% and is no longer pixely).

To amp it up; Embrace yourself with your own external energies and relax, focus on the sacrum (or G-spot if ur a she) and breathe whilst feeling all "mmmmMMMMmmmmmm"

It might be an important footnote that the energy discouraging lying to oneself is just a few centimeters away from area responsible for self love.

I like to go with "I'm f***ing awesome."

That sentense seem testosterone related though.