03-05-2012, 11:47 PM
(03-05-2012, 07:27 PM)Zaxon Wrote: Lulu,
My mother was rather lavish with her affections, as was my father. Both were loving, kind and perhaps overly indulgent. I have often regretted not having had a more structured and disciplined childhood. I taught myself as much as I could, but many hours were lost in idleness that could have been spent learning and refining skills and abilities.
I am aware of the Arcturians, though this is the first Orion connection I have encountered. I have simply never understood the utility of emotions, other than their use with regard to the emotional. My personal experience of them has always been from a third person perspective, as a physiological process that the larger part of my awareness merely observes. When I hone in on a person I can easily discern what they are feeling in a palpable empathic sense. However, as with my own subdued emotions, my awareness remains separate and unaffected by the experience.
I may be wrong, but I get the sense that you are projecting your encounter with another person onto your expectations of who I am. Outside of my specific objectives, I have little use for people, and do not bother with them either to control them or require their love. My mate and I share mutual affection and understanding, and have reached a mutually advantageous agreement to share portions of our lives. I trust her implicitly as an extension of self. In that complete trust and understanding, I find no need to control her or violate her free will. She is free to terminate our association at any time. I see no utility in having her affection to justify machinations and control.
-Zaxon
Well Zaxon, it sounds like you had a great childhood and yet you weren't very happy. It is natural for kids to BE happy unless somethings off. I am quite convinced there was something going on at a deeper level amongst your parents. The great all-american family facade is really catching up with us as a country now.
I was regretful that I had a poor education too and then reacted by putting my daughter in demanding schools for her first three years only to discover this developed other issues. I was raised very free to be creative in any imaginable way. My parents were adventurous having immigrated from the Netherlands to the great "free country" of the West! Since there were ten of us it created a flexibility that other children can't even begin to imagine, it also came with it's opposing problems.
Lavishing attention is something anyone can do or pretend they are doing in facade. The deeper expression of love takes a vulnerable amount of openness.
For me, I found my identities became both what I rebelled against (I'm not going to be like my mother) and also what I was rewarded for. As children we are approved upon for certain actions and behavior. Some are surface and some are deeper. Often they conflict. For me there was a demand of humility or lack of worthiness due to my mothers involvement in religious ideals. Yet it conflicts with the desire to have "successful" children. It was difficult to pull that one from the shadows. Perhaps you have uncovered the shadow archetypes already and you are just a walk-in vulcan with the goal of trying to be a human.
There is that difference in being lovING vs/ BeING Love. Being Love will come across much harsher and more real. There is passion behind it and energy. Being Love means one is not afraid to reflect or be reflected. Those who are aware and agree to share in the openness of it consider a gift for personal and emotional growth. Growth that can't be done alone. If emotions are only a tool to understand others and nothing for yourself perhaps your shadow archetype is one who is terrified of losing control.
The MIND carries a force of masculine energy it is like a pulsating battery to receptive magnetic feeling feminine energy. But did you like what you saw in the reflection when you were with that one who merged too much with "you"? Later you attracted a mate who is so similar to you there is no "reflection" to be had. Sounds safe. A dutiful relationship based on mutual respect where love is something to be earned daily?
To me it sounds stagnant and dry and dull, devoid of sexual polarity and reminds me of the relationship I was in that became that overtime.
And yes you're correct Zaxon, in a way I am projecting my experiences onto you, after all you are the the first exact persona of the anthesis of the spirit of the entity that interacted with me. From my "feeling" stand point you feel identical!! In my view everything that you are-not, which is due to injuries and blockages, is what your spirit body then IS. In this way you could be quite surprised at how you might appear from a multi-dimensional interaction in the spirit world. I was shocked to see my spirit self interacting in the spirit world, absolutely bizarre. Think lucid dream state.
The aboriginals know that this physical plane is the dreamtime and the eternal existence is during the time we dream. We leave our bodies and are quite busy interacting with other spirit bodies and moving between dimensions while we sleep. Finding all our distorted desires and needs met in the multi-dimensional universe. It's the part of us that doesn't die as it is eternal. We can interact with all of the universe based on what we are doing HERE in our physical bodies and from our past selves as ONE with the creator.
So yes, you might not be the actual entity from the spirit plane, or perhaps you could be. Either way this is interesting and appealing for me to interact with you. I half want to see if I can find any triggers to push you into an emotional state. Because you maintain an orderly control on your emotions you probably wouldn't share this even if I did. Would you feel ashamed if you did?
Interestingly enough to mention, when I began to read your posts the spirit became very active in interacting with me again. I'm not indicating that it IS because it is you, but perhaps your writing about the purpose of the STS types from the same point of view of the (trouble making) spirit was soothing enough to me that I was less closed off to him again. I know this stuff is weird, try being me. LOL.
Oh, I find humor that you mention that your Mate is free to go. Who says that? Why would anyone ever need to mention something as obvious as that? It's like the ten commandments: "do not kill" it's sort of outdated and obvious this is something that we should not do. Do you see if I say that about a dog a cat or a pet it would be because I am trying to break-free into a new belief. Once it is broken we would never say it. From the spirit-world entity perspective I would say there was a massive clearing that may need to be done regarding mates. Does she have a name or is she just your "mate"? We already know you perceive her to be a good-enough mirror for your self. Does she perceive you in the same way? (never mind on those questions I don't wish to tread into that personal area). Perhaps there is more Worf in you then Dr. Spock after all? ;-)
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)
The Self cannot become Infinite until it is All things, and sees itself as all things.