The Wounder Healer Archetype

[AnthroHeart]

I guess I never attracted that kind of life. No relationships, no children. Outside my job and business, I have a good amount of free time. I get plenty of sleep, and time to meditate, and spend with my 2 dogs. I do feel tired because of the changes in energy, but I wouldn't say exhausted. I live in the country so I don't deal with the problem of traffic, have a clear night sky, etc.

We each attract different kinds of lives. It seems I don't have the type of catalyst that you are exposed to. Perhaps my soul didn't need the same kind of catalyst. I am not sure. I am still very much grateful for the awareness that has been brought to me.

-GW

It is like wanting to meditate with a screaming 3 year old pulling your hair because you are not playing smash the creation.

The challenge is then to find the balance between being and doing. Not an easy task in todays busy busy busy busy busy busy busy world. Even the act of reclining in ones backyard is busy... the car sounds from the freeway, the neighbors conversing uproarsly next door... the bus driver lady who is warming up the bus... the kids screaming in the pool (if they are your offspring attention is required)... all of this is busyness. It takes focus and fortitude to tune it all out--- and then there are the children that may or may not be your offspring... now that is something that requires continous doing. Being fully on task fully present and constantly scanning possible potentials for deadly mayhem. It is just exhausting to continuously be doing. Now being on the other hand is a space of sacred creation with focus and the all that is in the background melting into to the nothingness that it really is. This is a state of being. Not compatible with the doing required of being a parent. LOL

[Confused]

Outside my job and business, I have a good amount of free time. I get plenty of sleep, and time to meditate, and spend with my 2 dogs. I do feel tired because of the changes in energy, but I wouldn't say exhausted. I live in the country so I don't deal with the problem of traffic, have a clear night sky, etc.

I quite envy your life. You have described what I would love for myself on this earth.

[fairyfarmgirl]

Collages. I just looked through old magazines and took images and/or words that expressed the essence of my feelings and glued them to some cardboard. I used the cardboard that is the backing for a frame. It was really quite simple. Look, clip out and glue down in a way that told a story for me... what I found was my story was one others could relate to. And then after I had depicted all that angst. I used to show my work at sidewalk art festivals and would make enough selling my collages to make the table fee... but ahhh... that is the stuff of youth. I then started making collages that showed what I did want to show up in my life... I was making a serious attempt to shift from angst to self-actualization. I have to say as of the now I live in most of what I depicted in those collages has come to be.

What I did not understand at the time was energy transference and the Law of Attraction. My life began to improve in little ways when I was envisioning the life I would like to live rather than wallowing in the life that I was living. It was a process of self-discovery.

The old phrase: " Healer know thySelf." It is just simply not possible to heal others until you know yourSelf and are on a path of Self-Mastery. Part of this process of Self-Mastery for me is sharing my story and hearing others stories. It is only through sharing that true learning occurs.

Gemini Wolf. Good thing you have attracted a life that fits into the life you have envisioned for yourself. I Bless you with Love.

Along the way in my healing path I acquired children. I have what I have and have accepted what I have and do Love what I have. And yet, I dream of the day they all move out and are successfully living their busy lives. Then I will know that I have succeeded.

fairyfarmgirl

[Black doG]

A story of personal death, rebirth, and sanctifcation via the savoury experience of "pain".

I am a Wounded Healer. Breaking my usual silence to testify on this thread, having had some wonderful, down to earth correspondence with Carla some years ago... For the record, I am a cynic and a Lover, and while I like to share, am a terminal critic of all aspects of spiritual practice that lead to dogma — especially dogma of the self (which explains why I am posting here, breaking my own rules). This is another perspective on the original painting posted at start of thread. That of Half-man-half-beast being attended to by an angel with a rather scary weapon.

"
alexgrey.net

This awesome painting by Alex Grey stopped my heart when I saw it for the first time... It is a perfectly eloquent depiction of my own journey. I would have to say that experiencing "senses" beyond the most violent extremes of pain, and "life" beyond the spectre of death, would be THE MOST liberating thing a person could ever know or feel...

In October 1992, I was involved in a motor cycle accident where I was run over by a 'big rig' semi trailer. In an experience that begs the telling, 'Death' came rushing up to embrace me, but I was NEVER in doubt of 'Life' as such. To say that I was profoundly 'broken' does not begin to describe this kind of experience, where "I" died on all fronts except the spiritual.

I spent eleven days in an intensive care unit, with tubes stuck into every orifice (and then some) on life support, and suffered through 10 different surgical operations. These operations included the insertion of much steel into many broken bones, including a multi fractured pelvis, a compound-fractured femur, mutiple rib fractures which happened to tear through my left lung and aorta, filling my damaged lung with blood. Along with this, I suffered a perforated bowel, and most painfully, an excruciating skin graft behind my right knee (the size of a dinner steak) performed to replace tissue that had died due to an extreme bruising. I also suffered other miscellaneous nerve and soft tissue damage that pales for comment here. Amongst a range of debilitating prognoses made by 'educated' doctors, I was told that I would permanently lose the function of my left foot (my wah wah foot no less!!). I suffered gross psychosis coming off the morphine, and was totally bed ridden for the best part of seven weeks.

After I got off life support and out of intensive care, I suffered acute paranoia and experienced some truly horrific visions and an extended period in an 'altered reality'. This altered state was as "REAL" to me, as the computer screen and keyboard that you're using seems to you at this very moment.

During my hospitalisation, I simply sobbed like a baby, as my massive youthful ego was crushed right along with me. I regressed into infantile emotions and wept for the pitiful loss of what had promised to be a life without pain, such was my confidence in my artistic talents and savvy drive. My identity and expanded capacity for conceit was made void, and I was forced to rebuild my self from 'ground zero' up. This process, was slow and painful. Simple things like sitting upright in a chair became excruciating ordeals in themselves, I kid you not. Eating solid food, and keeping it down, and passing it through my damaged bowel (which had stopped working for a while), became major hurdles to get over. Nurses showered me with "tough love" in order that I get over my dependence and learn to take a s*** by myself. Dont forget, I could barely sit up without literally crying in pain, but I was expected to hobble to the toilet and back to take a piss... very nice.

That said, with my hospital experience being so soul destroying, I was desperate to get out and "get on with it", and had my self discharged earlier than I should have. I determined to meet the physical requirements demanded by my physiotherapist, and she admitted to letting me go against her better judgment. As I busted my butt to prove my readiness, she literally exclaimed, "Oh my God Charles, you've got the determination of an Olympic athlete!"... Maybe I did, but I didn't give a damn, I just wanted to get the f*** out.

I sobbed like a baby on the day I finally got home, and was truly thankful for the simple joy of being on home turf once again (And then I sobbed forlornly because I wanted to get back to hospital realising my dependence on its facilities!)...

Despite the overwhelming experience of having my life (as I knew it) wrenched away from me, I see my 'accident' as a profound blessing today, and arrived at this conclusion not long after.

I learned that: Death is nothing to be feared; Even the most nauseating physical pain has its limits as our nervous system shuts down in merciful defence; And, after consciously wishing to 'give up the ghost' (at a point when I was physically stable but emotionally empty), I had a revelation that "God is Life" and that by simply being alive, I was a living part of (what the masses are in the habit of calling) "God". Furthermore, I learned that it is impossible to 'give up the ghost' since our living spirit IS immortal, for we 'Art' an inextinguishable part of "Life" itself.

Life is All or Nothing, and Nothing is impossible, and regardless of what physical state I found myself in, to "be" was Everything, and nothing at all mattered beyond that awakened moment. By the stage of this re-cognition, I was still profoundly bed ridden, but the unadulterated joy I found was that I was 'Aware' (with a capital "A") that I was profoundly AWARE OF BEING 'ALIVE'!, thus forming a resonant feedback loop of self awareness... i.e., Aware of being Aware of being Aware, etc ad infinitum.... And, more than this, I was NOT AFRAID to die!... BRING IT ON you lusty Devils!!!!!... NO FEAR!!!... The loss of mortal anxiety is extremely liberating to say the very least.

When I think about the magnitude of the accident and my having survived it intact, I literally wonder whether I AM dead, and existing in Purgatory (after having literally died on the road way back in 1992). You could say we are all "dead" in a sense, if you are able to grasp that material reality is an illusion (Hindu "maya") that separates us from being AWAKE to our own inalieable divinity.

During my stay in the trauma ward I experienced a massive surge of what I have come to recognise as awakening "Kundalini" energy. The sanctifying healing power. My body 'blazed' for days on end. I went profoundly 'insane' (which was as terrifying for my loved ones, as it was for myself), and the top of my head felt as if it was literally ON FIRE for days. In one particular hallucination I experienced an out of body "trip" and taken on a guided tour through "heaven" and "hell"...

I describe the "heaven" of my hallucination as profound connection with 'divine being' accompanied by the sonic "ringing" of the choirs of all the hosts of angelic love in the universe... "Hell" on the other hand was an intensly physical experience (a realised awareness of our incarceration to the physical plane, in what Hindu mystics call "Samsara", i.e., the inescapable cycle of death and rebirth). In "hell", I was being minced from head to toe by immeasurable numbers of tiny razor blades. Each blade hurt. Each blade was effectively the result of the alien will of the conscious Cosmos working interminably on 'my' precious "soul", i.e., MY precious "SELF"... I was still earnestly Christian at this time, but have come to recognise that "Heaven" is existing in a state of bliss without "need", or, "holding without holding" a conscious, harmonious, re-cogntion that ALL things exist in a holistic state of multiplicity of the "One" macrocosmic mind...

And the lesson here for Lovers is; "Hell" only exists for us when we try to hold onto what is not ours to control. The tighter we grip, the more painful the experience... Everything is free of us as we are free of it. All "possession" is manifest delusion. "Letting go" is the fastest route back to bliss...

"I" came back from my 'whacky adventure' knowing only that; to "LIVE", is to 'be', at One with that sacred Love that exists beyond its mere conceptions of "Good and Evil". For all of life is "God", seeking communion with its self, and, ALL of Life is perfectly perfect in its time and place.

6 years after my accident. I had an acute spiritual 'Awakening'. An experience that continues to evolve for me in the 'Here and Now'. Known in some schools of esoteric philosophy as the opening of my "Third Eye", I literally "saw God", and received a dispensation of inner 'sight'... Amongst other things, "He/She/It" told me, "EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL". Because "IT" can, IT does – without limit... IT acts without fear, and without partiality since it loves everything in turn. Through death and rebirth, Life may measure itself against its "idea" of death - for there is NO DEATH... Hence, I have surmised: 'Death' is God's Immaculate Conception. A "concept" ONLY... A divine door in our mind's eye for passing to rebirth.

Even from the earliest days after getting home, I was thankful for having had the accident experience. The most exciting and miraculous event of my post-accident experiences was the 'willing to life' of a paralysed foot. I was told I would never regain the function of this limb (check out that funky Wah Wah action in "All I Wanna Do")... Even as I accepted doctor's diagnosis without critical attachment, finding myself happy to "be" here at all, I refused to stop willing my foot into life...

Insert drum roll here...

I willed my dead foot to work less than 6 months after the accident! A real miracle, effected despite a 'severed' nerve.

You read it here, "PAIN is the challenge of LOVE", and everyone needs a little crushing pain – for in the 'breaking down' of our precious sense of "self", we may find something much deeper and infinitley more indomitable than the phantom personality with which we usually identify.

It's not what happens to us - it's how we deal with it that counts.

"Dr Chuck" (AKA Black doG) at your service, telling it like it is...

"I AM"

  Dr Chuck Logo.jpg (Size: 39.67 KB / Downloads: 1)

[Confused]

It is only through sharing that true learning occurs.

And I am glad that these forums are providing the chance for that.

---

I am a Wounded Healer.

I cannot speak for other people, but you definitely are a 'wounded healer' for me Black dog. Many of your points have directly addressed the deepest roots of my pain. I feel so very liberated after reading your entry.

The ghosts of many fears now lie exorcised after reading your post. There is no guarantee that they will not come back, but when they do, I will read your post once again. And I know I will derive strength.

To me, your post has provided an invaluable catalyst of true healing, which brings to mind a quote of Ra from session 17 -

True healing is simply the radiance of the self causing an environment in which a catalyst may occur which initiates the recognition of self, by self, of the self -healing properties of the self.

Thank you for radiating your self Black dog (Charles) for the benefit of others.

[Questioner]

Chuck, I'm awed and humbled by the depth and scope of your insight, your way of turning unimaginable pain and unfairness into catalyst. All this at a level hard to even begin to comprehend for anyone who's not been through it, as I haven't, but could only hope to have as much determination as you have.

Thank you for joining us - or rather, I suppose, for letting us know that you've already been here.

I hope you stick around, because as I see it, the Law of One perspective is not a dogma, but a tool for becoming free of dogma. There's so much in your post to inspire meditation. I'd love to learn your point of view on any of the concepts we discuss here.

[Confused]

Thank you ..... for letting us know that you've already been here.

I second Questioner's gratitude for Chuck completely in line with the aforementioned quote from Questioner.

[AnthroHeart]

Amazing story that I could never come close to knowing what you went through. And welcome to the forum Chuck.

[Aaron]

Black doG, wow! That is a beautiful message you've shared. I'm amazed that you were able to turn that experience into a blessing, and I drew much inspiration from it. Thank you.

[Black doG]

Thanks guys, I am humbled by your responses.

I stopped contributing to forums coz I truly felt that everyone was perfect and entitled to their time and space (in keeping with my own philosophy). But then, I recall that I was desperate to share in the experiences of others who precede me when I started contributing to these forums. But Alas, to be faced with MUCH that is utter delusion wore me down to less than a nub of my "radiant" self. I shared here today because the topic was relevant, and this is one of the very few places I have found that has a genuine resonance beyond a profit generating exercise.

Carla is Gem, and she was able to understand me in the the darkest depths of my post awakening "dis-illusion". I was lonely and angry. She held a torch and did not try to "capture" me like some moth in the dark...

I have again found my own light entirely within. We all have it. Do not EVER let go, but let go. Your journey is a paradox. If you are searching, then you are already there. The Journey IS the destination. We are all on the same road back to source.

I tell you this candidly (in the spirit of this forum), be careful what you pray for. Enlightenment is Endarkenment, also.

When you participate with-in "God", you take on the yoke of infinite unknowing also. It is not for the feint hearted - and it is certainly not all "bliss", for bliss comes from not knowing.... The best I have achieved, in accord with my "knowing" is a healthy balance (depicted by the twin snakes in my little logo) of perpetual knowing/unknowing. I hope this does not make for nonsense, lest I waste my time with these vapid words.

"It" (enlightenment) has become a steady joy for me. The opportunity to share such insight is a privilege, and that privilege is the only profit that should be sought by any who manage to capture your attention.

Know this: I know NOTHING. I am a walking-talking "paradoxymoron". i.e., "Dog-gone-goD" or "God-gone-doG"... take your pick. We are one and the same in the end, which is now. The start of all beginnings.

Thank you.

[Confused]

I tell you this candidly (in the spirit of this forum), be careful what you pray for. Enlightenment is Endarkenment, also.

Dear Chuck - you made a pithy statement about enlightenment/endarkenment. But I feel that the short statement of yours is backed by tremendous wisdom. Can you please elaborate on the statement? What advanced spiritual seekers have to share in the spirit of candor may sometimes not resonate with most, but there will always be a few who will benefit. I am trying to be one among those who can benefit from your spiritual wisdom.

When you participate with-in "God", you take on the yoke of infinite unknowing also.

What is the 'yoke of infinite unknowing'? I intuitively feel that this is something central to understanding why duality is a central theme in the creation that we experience. I could be completely wrong of course.

The opportunity to share such insight is a privilege, and that privilege is the only profit that should be sought by any who manage to capture your attention.

And that is precisely why I encourage you to share more often on these forums. If you do not share your experiences and learning with us, it is a great disservice (in my opinion) to people who may "have ears to hear..." (Mark 7:16 KJV).

Thank you once again for your original entry with respect to the catalyst of terror that visited you in the early 1990s. Your entry is one of the best positive catalyst of encouragement I have experienced since discovering the LOO.

[Black doG]

As is my experience, "I AM" usually greeted with suspicion and hostility by those who fail to understand the limitations of their flesh (and the reason for being in "flesh"), and fail to see that everything in this place is a mirror of our own pre-senti-ments... Thank you for seeing the potential for "depth" as the surface of your mirror (me in this case) gives way to deeper reflection. It is magic indeed.

"Ask and you will receive" is my meaning. But what you receive may confound and humiliate. It happened to me, and it HAD to... We can rationalise loss of ego, but until it is dismantled from without, it cannot be remade from within. If you call earnestly enough, honestly enough, God will answer. But check your expectations at the door, coz I promise this: You will be obliterated spiritually if not physically before it is "done". Just as at his death Jesus proclaimed on the cross, "it is Done", he had to EXPIRE before he was Christ.

The Creation exists so that "God" may know itself through a "reflection" of its-elf (Hence "i am" "Black doG") self-realised as a fragment of goD. It is merely a play on the mirror theme. I have fun with it. It is "joy" after all (a private joke playing on the god-as-man theme). Chiron "the healer" archetype also represents man (true man) as the God nature, and the Beast (Stud horse) as the wayward lower nature. Ergo: Beast becomes Human, and Human becomes God in the evolution of the Christ Consciousness.

"The yoke of infinite unknowing" is God's (the Tao) reason for the creation. Driven by the need to experience, the universe was created in a flash of be-coming that resulted from the polarities of duality flashing into being. i.e., the "big bang", merely a thought experiment in the mind of the Tao. Hence, we are the beasts who carry the burden of God's need to know. When you know this, you realise your very ignorance is simply a tool for the generation of fresh insight for God. God does not stagnate. God is ever refreshed... And to be refreshed, what "IS" ignorance must give way to knowledge, and what is knowledge must give way to what I playfully call "wiz-dumb".

But Don't take my word for it Besides, I have probably butchered my meaning here... Absolutely murdered it for the sake of a quick digestible meal. I fear it is indigestible, and therefore wasted if too pithy. Makes sense to me though

"Sharing" may be a privilege but it is also a grave responsibility, as I explicitly do not want to sound like I know what the hell is going on... I may be performing a disservice if you come to see my words as gospel leading you to your OWN spiritual grave. I hope you don't ever take anything as gospel.. the best I can offer a something that may resonate for you at some point. After all, the experiences we have are as different as they are infinitely numerous.... We are the same journey my friend. We are "won".

I hope this helps. I hate typing, so if I need to refine the point I will try again.

Warm regards...

[Confused]

"Sharing" may be a privilege but it is also a grave responsibility, as I explicitly do not want to sound like I know what the hell is going on... I may be performing a disservice if you come to see my words as gospel leading you to your OWN spiritual grave. I hope you don't ever take anything as gospel..

I exactly understand what you mean Black doG. Speaking for myself alone as an individual, I assure you that your sharing will NOT become a disservice. More than that, I need not say.

A beautiful post once again. Thanks friend.