05-31-2018, 03:01 AM
(05-17-2018, 02:46 AM)Agua Wrote: I would suggest that for different stages of development different approaches are needed.
The approach that serves a certain stage can be an obstacle for anotjer stage.
An example would be detachment:
while this is in general very desirable to develop, i think it is crucial to investigate it more deeply.
Lets say somebody has made devastating experiences with his parents. Lets say this person has been let down in a really bad experience.
Violence, sexual or emotional abuse, neglect to name a few.
The person has made these experiences because he was in deep contact (in very young age we allow a depth of contact that is unimagineable to us as adults).
So deep contact as well as being dependant on someone (in that case parents, bit we transfer this to all humans) has been experienced as unreliable and very dangerous.
This person would then,potentially, decide in an extremely young age, maybe even as a baby or before birth, that it wants to be independant. This would be an attempt to prevent further violation.
Now this person would potentially carry on to use this "approach" which would ultimately be a defense mechanism in his later life. When on a spiritual path, this can then be labeled "detachment" and looks like something desirable.
However, that person would not be able to develop past a certain point, since it would actually be a seperation from other humans and ultimately from him/herself.
This is because "detachment" in that case would have avoidamce as a deeper motivation.
Ideally this person should first learn attachment in that case!
He/she should first learn to dare to commit to a human being, to allow deep contact. This ould bring up deep fear, old fear, and at some point pain, old pain.
But there would be the potential for two crucial experiences:
I can allow commitment and deep contact and nothing bad happens.
When something bad happens, i will get through this and am now in a position to change the outer situation (as opposed to the childhood experience).
An opposite example would be someone who never developed trust in his own abilities and fears making wrong decisions.
For that person it would be an important step to not rely that much on others in order to experience that her own decisions and her own guidance will lead to good results.
Self trust cannot be developed if you always hide behind someone else!
These are just two examples.
I would say it is always important to find out what the deeper motivation is!
When the deeper motivation is avoidance, then its an obstacle, no matter how "spiritual" it may look on the outside.
When the deeper motivation is growth and healing, then it probably serves you well, no matter how un-spiritual it may appear superficially.
A few words on healing and "inner child work":
Viewing healing work as "inner child" work is a useful approach for many, since it indicates that you are actually dealing with a little child and it should be treated with love, compassion and softness.
Now to the "you cannot do it alone" part.
It is, in theory, possible to do this work alone, however it is extremely unlikely that you get past the stage of concepts if you do it alone. The reason is very simple:
You have secluded that child in you from the world and yourself for safety reasons. We ate talking about an extremely vulnerable being. You have lived your life afterwards in a way, where such a vulnerable being has no place.
Plus this "inner child" is packed with fear of great pain.
I dont know of a single person that all alone was able to REALLY connect with the inner child fully.
However if you work with a good therapist for example or if you have a really supportive relationship, there is a very good chance that you are being offered an atmosphere where the inner child can feel safe and for the first time dares to "come out".
When that has happened, and this is an initiation, further work can also be done alone.
Unless that initiation has happened, it is unlikely to happen at all.
And if you go even deeper, which you will have to if you want to go full length, you will sooner or later encounter your trauma.
lmost all trauma happened because you have been alone.
So there is a protective mechanism that would prevent it from arising when you are alone, simply because you fear it to happen again (not you as an adult, but the part that made that experience), and unless this is healed, you have ABSOLUTELY no power over that decision.
Second aspect is, in each trauma there occurs dissociation, the seperation from the experience and yourself, in order to survive.
That means, that as soon as you approach these deep portions of yours, you will encounter an extremely strong impuls to dissociate and "leave" the present moment.
In order to heal and dissolve this you need to be absolutely present. The contradiction is obvious.
So what you need is somewhat that stays present with you IN that experience, this brings presence into that situation (this is again an initiation), serving you as an anchor an helping you to develop presence IN that experience.
AFTER that has happened, and only after that, you can do this work alone. BEFORE you have had this initiation it is so unlikely you even allow yourself to get close to that experience or issue, that it would be fair to say in general it is impossible.
While this may be an "extreme" example, this is actually what happens deep down in us, all the time, we are just not aware of it.
Thank you so much Agua, much food for thought.
I have a question,
when you say " And if you go even deeper, which you will have to if you want to go full length, you will sooner or later encounter your trauma.
lmost all trauma happened because you have been alone." you are meaning in fact trauma happening from one person to another, right, or something that the person watches, but in both cases, gets no outside help living the trauma so is in effect, alone ? Right ? this is what you mean ?
Sorry to ask, I just want to check, as I am dense..