Having complete faith in higher selfs plan vs personal ambition

[Jeremy]

Not sure this will help, but in matters of faith, there is no "supposed to" otherwise there is no faith. Everything you need is built in. All the feedback on what is still unaccepted and unbalanced is constantly available from yourself. Don't complicate things by thinking of these abstract concepts as things in themselves.

Yea you're right. I'm just going through quite a state of flux over the passed couple months after having this epiphany of spirituality. Before this, I was a staunch agnostic. Logic ruled everything and if there wasn't a scientific explanation to it, it wasn't valid so I'm come quite a long ways in a short period of time.

This information rings so true to me that it's hard not to be at an almost fundamentalist level of dedication towards it which has caused me to become quite disappointed when I seem to hit roadblocks where I am unable to implement certain aspects of what I have read. As I said in the original post, patience is definitely a lesson that I am supposed to master and this is yet again another facet of that.

I know meditation and finding your purpose takes time along with moving from such a staunch scientific belief system to a mysterious spirtual system where faith must be held above what my intellectual mind may think which is the most difficult aspect of it for me. But it just seems that I'm doing myself a disservice when I'm not completely dedicated to it.