07-07-2012, 03:42 PM
This sort of reminds me of my hubby, who, as most of you know, is an enormous guy- 6'10", covered in hair and insanely strong (he can pick me up like I'm an apple). He gets a lot of comments that hint people automatically expect aggressive, overly-masculine behavior from him. Stuff like "What sports do you play?" and "Aw, man, I wouldn't want to mess with you! You'd bash my face in!" They automatically treat him like a big, dumb jock, talking down to him, and they seem to think that just because he could toss a person across the room easily he does it at random for fun. In reality he is one of the most gentle, sensitive, extremely intelligent and open-minded people I've ever met (not to mention a huge geek who abhors sports) and I know these comments hurt him. He gets really tired of people seeing "the big guy" before they see Walter.
The thing I love about him, though, is he's never felt the need to conform to other people's expectations. He has no problem with people knowing he loves comic conventions and cuddling and long walks in the park. Anyone who actually gets to know him usually immediately respects him, because that kind of honesty and open-heartedness just shuts down the haters.
I, on the other hand, am often considered rather "butch", as I am not especially expressive in my emotions and I don't enjoy "girly" things like shopping and spending a lot of time on my appearance. I am straight-forward, outspoken, I usually rise to the helm of any endeavor and I am not a taker of crap. I can stare down men three times my size and though I'm slight in stature there are few who would think to give me a hard time. It's a pretty common joke that I'm the one who wears the pants in my family. But does that make me feel un-feminine? Absolutely not. I am very in touch with my femininity. What I am not in touch with is the feminine stereotype.
I don't think what we are talking about here is masculinity and femininity, but the stereotypes that have been associated with them over the ages- stereotypes that are a far cry from the divine masculine and feminine we each carry within us. I think it's time to stop using such terms to define ourselves (I'm gonna go ahead and throw the terms "STS" and "STO" in here, too), instead listening to our hearts when it comes to deciding what is and is not of service. Everyone is equipped with the ability to tell within themselves when something feels right or wrong. And if that doesn't work, one only has to behold the results of their actions to gauge the level of service. The way you treat others will definitely affect how they react to you.
Gosh I talk a lot. I think I could have wrapped all that up with "Be yourself!"
The thing I love about him, though, is he's never felt the need to conform to other people's expectations. He has no problem with people knowing he loves comic conventions and cuddling and long walks in the park. Anyone who actually gets to know him usually immediately respects him, because that kind of honesty and open-heartedness just shuts down the haters.
I, on the other hand, am often considered rather "butch", as I am not especially expressive in my emotions and I don't enjoy "girly" things like shopping and spending a lot of time on my appearance. I am straight-forward, outspoken, I usually rise to the helm of any endeavor and I am not a taker of crap. I can stare down men three times my size and though I'm slight in stature there are few who would think to give me a hard time. It's a pretty common joke that I'm the one who wears the pants in my family. But does that make me feel un-feminine? Absolutely not. I am very in touch with my femininity. What I am not in touch with is the feminine stereotype.
I don't think what we are talking about here is masculinity and femininity, but the stereotypes that have been associated with them over the ages- stereotypes that are a far cry from the divine masculine and feminine we each carry within us. I think it's time to stop using such terms to define ourselves (I'm gonna go ahead and throw the terms "STS" and "STO" in here, too), instead listening to our hearts when it comes to deciding what is and is not of service. Everyone is equipped with the ability to tell within themselves when something feels right or wrong. And if that doesn't work, one only has to behold the results of their actions to gauge the level of service. The way you treat others will definitely affect how they react to you.
Gosh I talk a lot. I think I could have wrapped all that up with "Be yourself!"
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